ASK THE BORED: The wonderful world of Market Street trip hazards.

I'm turning over a new leaf ... on January 1. Meanwhile it's Festivus.

These stakes jut up from the cute gravel on the north side of Market Street between Pearl and State, where in 2019 Team Gahan spent lots more money than the Horseshoe Foundation donated to them in order to beautify according to the suburban design templates of HWC Engineering.

It's an aesthetic atrocity overall, more reminiscent of Mussolini's fascist Italy than anything belonging in a Midwestern city, but that's a topic for future archaeologists to consider.

THIS is a trip hazard.

There are supposed to be wires attached to the tree, but they're wrapped around the trunk; this is just as well, given that the wires are invisible at night and snag humans (little flags would help, right?), but the remaining untended stakes are just as hazardous.

At least on Terry Middleton's side of the street -- lavished with money he voted to approve as a member of the Redevelopment Commission, which in turn has improved the value of his property -- the trip hazards are quite well lit.

On the south side of Market Street, which was lavished with nothing in terms of "improvement" money in spite of the considerable investments in property made by Steve Resch and Todd Coleman, we're lucky to have one of three ancient street lights lit. For months all three were burned out even as a million bucks landed 100 feet away. Now one works (photo last Friday evening).

That's nice, festive -- and dark.

Meanwhile a tree was planted in front of the Pints&union door, this being the place where customers congregate, enter and exit. To my knowledge neither Resch nor any of us were asked if this made any sense; it merely was done, and people began tripping over the wires and stakes, something that seemingly never occurred to the planners.

Soon the wires were loose and the stakes uprooted, then I watched as successive lawn care contractors watered the tree but did nothing about the stakes and wires even when I mentioned it to them.

It's ridiculous, but don't look at me.

I voted for Seabrook.

Dead street lights, south side of Market between State and Pearl -- you know, the triumphal million-dollar "modernization" zone.

But all of these on the north side of the street seem to be working just fine.

Probably just a coincidence.

Just another driver "flipping" over the beauty of the East Main Street Project median.

Copied from a post at the Nextdoor web site.

The daytime view.

This is the fourth such wreck I can recall; there may have been others. I looked around on local media and could find no coverage of this one, so kudos to the citizen journalist at Nextdoor.

It is a matter of genuine curiosity for me as to why so many drivers bounce off the median eastbound at the starting point of beautification. I'd guess the drag strip speeds coming out of the stop light at Pearl, given that the city refuses to calm the section of Main Street between Pearl and 5th.

Maybe someone will ask during the CNU 27 tour on June 14. I seem to recall Speck speaking against medians.

Gahan, Rosenbarger set to go full frontal Pinocchio about their urbanism credentials when the Congress for the New Urbanism 27 meets in Louisville June 11-15.

In which Team Gahan takes a roadtrip to Paradise.

THE END ... well, it can be the end of New Albany's swampy clique if you cast your ballot for David White for Mayor.

#FireGahan2019
#DrainTheSwamp
#FlushTheClique

We're told that peak inner city suburban Gahanism on Market Street will be delayed.

At this morning's merchant meeting, attendees were told by the city's business coordinator Tonya Fischer that the recently ballyhooed Market Street "facelift" between Pearl and State will not be finished before Harvest Homecoming. Rather, it is to begin afterward.

She hinted that burrowed deeply somewhere in the shadowy labyrinth of Jeff Gahan's down-low bunker, there'd been second thoughts about the final configuration of this expenditure with money donated by the Horseshoe Foundation.

One might hope, but Team Gahan doesn't take well to critiques or criticism, and my guess is it's about bad timing with regard to the annual festival.

But let's make no mistake. Nothing I've seen lately epitomizes the city's gorwing problem with "institutional inbreeding" quite as grandly as HWC Engineering's (who else?) hilarious mock-ups of this project, a Disney-meets-outlet mall pastiche of anti-urban design elements reflecting the emperor's perennial tastelessness as well as the apparent absence of integrity among staffers placed in charge of preserving an asinine median, adding a car-centric turn lane to westbound Market (which barely registers vehicular traffic), felling any and all nearby trees, truncating the sidewalk on the northern side, adding IKEA chairs and hideous commemorative median "art," then boldly declaring victory for pedestrians in a setting that has been "upgraded" for drivers alone.

Even George Orwell might register a guffaw at the sheer mindlessness of it. What's more, amid the comedy of the mayor's loyal kept Republican (David Barksdale) wrestling with the city engineer for control of the project on behalf of the redevelopment commission so he could ensure that all existing trees were designated for removal -- it's gotta be a fetish, folks, the dude who hates trees sitting on the Tree Board -- there was the fact that all the money was slotted for the north side of the street, and none at all on the south side, where two completely restored older buildings are about open for business.

It's the same closed-loop people making the same moribund and template-inspired decisions with the same continuing obligation to connect the dots between contract winners and the mayor's campaign finance war chest; currently they are completely exhausted of any semblance of creativity, and unfortunately, it shows.

We'll have to abide these cumulative design mistakes for decades, scraping to pay for genuinely useful improvements because there'll be nothing left in the till that isn't committed to the Reisz Mahal, the Summit Springs Mudslide & Fun Park and a parks department with a budget exceeding that of some postage stamp principalities.

There's an answer: FireGahan2019. Catch up with the lunacy via these links: 

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Umbrageous boughs? Not on Market between Pearl and State.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism as HWC recommends buying IKEA when two local furniture dealers are yards away from the redesign atrocity.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism via faux "input," pre-determined outcomes, clear-cutting, IKEA chairs and raging HWC paranoia. Welcome to your "improved" Market Street.

Goodbye to the Fork in the Road, hello to "Mayor Jeff Gahan presents, "A Fork Amid the Sidewalk" -- and fork YOU if you don't obey.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism as HWC recommends buying IKEA when two local furniture dealers are yards away from the redesign atrocity.

Yesterday at a very private "public input" meeting, the braying luminaries informed us that we'd be needing tables and chairs for the soon-to-be unshaded northern expanse of Market Street between Pearl and State.

Of course, professional planning functionaries who spend most of their days indoors planning Disney vacations, then go to the air-conditioned gym for exercise, have no reason to consider shade in the context of walkability ... but we digress.

According to HWC Engineering, the company that gets so many assignments from Dear Leader that it established an office right across the street from his, there'll need to be an all-expenses-paid road trip to Indianapolis or Cincinnati, because ... I mean ... shouldn't it be obvious ... any city in the process of demolishing public housing units needs IKEA for street furniture downtown where the cool people with money hang out.

So much for localism.

Seriously, how many donations to Jeff Gahan's re-election campaign have to be deposited before local merchants like Schmitt and Classic get to put in bids?

Ah, but who are we as proletarian laymen to question the highly remunerated expertise of HWC's suburban design engineers?

Team Gahan's condiments are aligned and measured, and these trees likely are doomed by yet another non-transparent "beautification" plan.

It's another backroom design contract (HWC?), another campaign finance-loaded bid (Allterrain), and another non-transparent Team Gahan "fix."

Summers announces plan to "Walk the Walk" by enhancing car-centrism via the Market Street medians. We advocate nuking them to outer space.

In an e-mail, I asked David Barksdale a few questions.

He's one of three at-large city councilman who have the job of representing us all, even public housing residents, and he also is a member of the redevelopment commission as council appointee.

Lately he's embraced the role of de facto project manager for Jeff Gahan's sanitized suburban overlay for the historic downtown business district.

Which should remind us that there is a tendency among autocratic personality types to harness design and appearance toward the reinforcement of their personally pervasive patterns of grandiosity -- like the time Frank Burns explained to Hawkeye Pierce why he was having the ketchup and condiments measured.

"Well, if you kneel at the end of the tent and get the tabletop at eye level, you will see that each bottle of ketchup lines up behind the other, unless there's only one bottle of ketchup. Now the same is true of your condiments which, if you will note, are arranged according to height and popularity. There's your ketchup, your mustard, your relish, your mayonnaise, your oil and vinegar, your salt and pepper, and your sweet and sour gherkins all in a row."

In short, just like our anchor-laden crosswalks, beautifully doing absolutely nothing to protect walkers from drivers.

Where was I?

Oh yes, my futile e-mail to CM Barksdale.

It has been announced that there'll be changes made to the block of Market Street between State and Pearl, these coming without any chance for the public to see what's planned, or to provide input. Property owners and business people located on or near this stretch might like to be informed of these changes, don't you think? Are there any plans to accept input, or is it another trademark top-down diktat?

He is to be credited for replying, which is more than his favored comrades at Develop New Albany are capable of doing.

Hello Roger,

This is a NARC project and was discussed at the May 9 & 15 meetings..

Larry Summers is the lead person on it.

Dave

Unfortunately it's a lame, bureaucratically evasive reply, kicking the ball to the non-elected city engineer Summers, who I'd have asked in the first place had Summers not already blocked me on social media. What's more, I can't seem to find the city engineer's e-mail address anywhere on the city's web site, so in a return e-mail, I asked Barksdale if he had an e-mail address for Summers.

Pins drop, crickets chirp. To date, only silence. This closing comment recently was overheard during a curbside discussion of Gahanism in New Albany.

"Why do the folks on 'Mansion Row' get to keep their trees (which sport two lights each and underground watering as well) but the plebiscite have to endure Market Street trees cut down to 'improve the appearance’"?

A damned fine question. Good luck convincing the self-appointed community pillars to answer it, as they're busy confusing their own wants for the city's needs.

Check out the new additions to downtown alleyway beautification.

Previously:

Learn more about alley beautification during Nominally New Albany week at the 'Bama newspaper.

Dugout has departed to personally steward Dear Leader's transformative public housing demolition plans, but our alleys ... they will be great again.

Learn more about alley beautification during Nominally New Albany week at the 'Bama newspaper.

As elections in 2018 and 2019 draw ever closer, we'll be seeing a radical expansion of Jeff Gahan's cult of personality.

Nicolae and Elena Ceausescu were poorly educated peasants. As power was consolidated, they set about accumulating wealth and luxury far beyond the standard of living in their country, but moreover, they deified themselves, most conspicuously in pretending to be scholars they weren't.

Minions were paid to praise the Ceausescus, and the Ceausescus believed every word of the press clippings.

Dugout has departed to personally steward Dear Leader's transformative public housing demolition plans, but our alleys ... they will be great again.

Don't worry, Democrats.

Jeffrey is so very one of you.

Work begins on transforming New Albany alley, by Danielle Grady (All Things Clark County)

NEW ALBANY — Work began this week on turning a typical New Albany alleyway into a more welcoming place.

In December, the New Albany Board of Works approved a construction bid of $52,733 from LATCO Selby House in Sellersburg to repave, light and paint murals onto the walls of an alley that runs parallel to Bank Street from Spring to Main streets.

Recently, workers have started stringing the decorative drop lighting that will illuminate the now-dark alley.

Jeff Gahan on traffic safety, pretty flowers and engraved house numbers on sidewalks of gold.

Last Tuesday at the New Albany Housing Authority event, Jeff Gahan spoke of the importance of doing something "special" for Main Street, since people were driving 60 mph there!

On Thursday, he repeated this, almost word for word.

He then observed that I'm disgruntled because I live on Spring Street -- where he's done absolutely nothing to resolve speeding and traffic safety issues, including 60 m.p.h. traffic.

How's that make you feel, resident of Market/Spring/Elm? After all, tackling issues like safety with a mind toward genuine improvement requires street design, not landscaping.

How about something different for a change?

Birdseye, here we come: Is Vincennes Street to be the next victim of non-Speck "beautification"?

The Green Mouse called the phone number, which is posted on what used to be Tommy Lancaster's Restaurant on Market Street, near Vincennes, and was told the city of New Albany has a contract for the building.

Previously, people in the neighborhood told the Green Mouse that realtor Mike Kopp was working on a plan to buy property behind the Lancaster's location, perhaps including the adjacent Market Boy. The word used was "retail," which the Green Mouse suggests we might pronounce as "suburban strip mall chain dreck."

But there's even more.

The Green Mouse passes along yet another rumor heard out on the mean streets: The city wants to "beautify" Vincennes in precisely the same utterly misguided fashion as Main Street, entirely ignoring the street design proposals made by reigning universal expert Jeff Speck in his study, and doing so all the way from Main to New Albany High School.

It's hard for me to say this, but we must be realistic in the face of these vandals: If the fate of Jeff Speck's downtown street network proposals is for them to be systematically stripped of design significance and Gahanized into unrecognizable mush -- gutted, Dugginsed, shrouded in non-transparent secrecy and timidly implemented piecemeal over a period of years -- then it might be preferable to do nothing at all, and hope we can start all over in 2019.

However, there is one mayoral candidate committed to doing it correctly ...

Ever the team player, Tiger Trucking beautifies the entrance to Loop Island Wetlands.

Give me fried chicken, and stop with the top-down beautification propaganda -- both of you.

The single most relevant element that no one at all -- Jeff, Letty, Irv -- seems to understand is that the elusive "wow" factor comes when the excitement bubbles up from the grassroots as populated by dozens of diverse points of view, rather than being dictated from above, whether "above" means one official city group or another temporary collection of volunteers.

Can we be reality-based for just a moment? The planters in question simply cannot be described as "cosmopolitan" without the use of hallucinogenic chemicals, ever -- and my saying so doesn't imply I agree with their removal, only that offering us yet another two-party "solution" makes a strong case for vacating town, not volunteering.

(The independent mayoral campaign platform writes itself)

The problem here goes way beyond Dale Moss's dogged analysis. It remains a case of either this or that; City Hall vs. Clean and Green in a struggle over which elitists decide what "cleaner" and "prettier" and "attractive" mean. Meanwhile, the city's unforgivably obtuse and dysfunctional infrastructure pushes right back to make everything nastier, 24 hours each day, negating well-meaning efforts even if we agreed on the definition of well-meaning.

Fix the damn streets first -- then argue about flowers afterward. Until the infrastructure is made right, this entire argument is a waste of newsprint and time.

MOSS: A plea for ‘green peace’, by Dale Moss (Ad Express & Daily Iowegian)

Two groups commit to making New Albany cleaner and prettier. Beats having none, for sure.

One group would be better.

That way, everything is shared, not split. There’s only cooperation, not competition. One vision, one budget and one set of volunteers ready to work up a sweat better leads to the one ideal.

I count on a merger/peace treaty/meeting of the dueling green thumbs. Please.

Spring & Beharrell: Yes, it's something, but it needs to be part of something much more.

The Courier-Journal's Grace Schneider provides an overview of "beautification" work now commencing on East Spring Street, where the street enters New Albany by Silver Creek. The reporter's key paragraphs are here:

Although no changes are planned for the configuration of the intersection, New Albany officials have said they wanted to find a way to recast an unattractive entrance while slowing westbound motorists crossing the Clark-Floyd county line.

The road transitions from a divided four-lane highway to an urban street.

If you ask me (and remember, you're fully entitled to my opinion), too much of this project's conceptual basis constitutes dancing the jig to Clean and Green's Band-Aid-strength beautification tune rather than achieving what really is needed: (A) The slowing of traffic in a lamentable high speed danger zone, as mentioned above, and (B) reconnecting the split halves of Beharrell Avenue as part of a comprehensive rethink of Spring Street between Beharrell and Silver (think: street calming and landscaping and walkability), which would itself meet the aim of slowing traffic while ALSO making a start in restoring a neighborhood sliced in two for decades.

It's another Urban Fusion Community Gardens update.

Jerry Finn provides another Urban Fusion Community Garden update.

---

Greetings!

If anyone has a little extra time on Saturday morning, February 9th, 10:00 AM, we plan to fill the cedar boxes with the topsoil & compost mixture. We are very grateful to Dan Christiani Company for their donation of the garden soil. They have been very helpful. If you know anyone who works there, tell them thanks if you see them.

We will have a tractor with a front loader to help fill the boxes along the edges of the lot on the 9th. We will also have several wheelbarrows on sight to be filled and then taken to the boxes the tractor cannot reach. If you are able to come help, your support would be most welcome. Please bring shovels if you have one. Please let me know if you think you can help that morning.

We still have several garden boxes available, so if you are interested, please let me know. I am very excited that Mallery Waters is considering the role of Urban Fusion Community Gardens Coordinator. She will be a good resource for the group. I think you will be hearing from her soon!

And speaking of resources, I am attaching a few items from the Purdue Extension and the Master Gardeners.

We are very excited to be a resource for another community garden to be available this spring in the MidTown neighborhood. St. John’s Presbyterian Church will administer this exciting project. More news as the project develops!

As I mentioned before, our Citywide Spring Beautification date is April 27th, and the fall date is November 16th, so please mark your calendar and help if you can. We are also having a Scribner Gardens and Downtown spring cleanup to cut back the grasses and roses on Saturday March 9th. We would love to have you join us then as well. Pass the word to interested groups, Neighborhood Associations, Scouts, etc.

And for those who have not heard, my niece and nephew, Michele and Jeremy Finn added an adorable son to their family several weeks ago. All are doing fine!

Thanks for your excitement for community gardening!

Jerry

Jerry K. Finn
Vice President

Keep New Albany Clean and Green, Inc.
PO Box 574
New Albany, IN 47150

www.NACleanandGreen.org

Random 2013 Platform Goals 4: Incentivize diverse grassroots design, not top-down beige-think.

Roughly a thousand years ago at NAC, we started talking about measures aimed at making New Albany a more appealing place to live, both for those already residing here, and for others who might choose to relocate.

Of course, the very first task required of us was to disregard the nattering nabobs of naysaying, those lifelong local residents convinced that since they, themselves, have been congenitally incapable of accomplishment and unable to articulate substantive differences, no one else should be permitted to try to do so, either.

Ideas we’ve floated have ranged from a political culture capable of grasping basic scientific principles, to taking seriously the city’s own rules that pertain to human habitation. They’ve included notions like complete streets and clear structural support for bikes and walkers, public art and the insanely simple suggestion that having garbage cans available to receive trash just might keep some of it off the street.

What I’ve come back to repeating over and over during recent years is whether any active measures pertaining to a contemporary aesthetic, i.e., the nature or art, or designs for public spaces, can be entrusted to anyone who already is convinced that he or she is a community pillar.

Quite clearly, the answer has been no, because from the discredited plan for River View to Caesar’s Folly (Rent Boy Park, et al), we’ve seen a stunning absence of creativity among those with post-war childhoods. White bread might be ideal to construct a PBJ for a five-year-old, but it has no place in community space.

For instance, consider New Albany Clean & Green’s plan to place identical planters on multiple downtown street corners, and then, having imposed a specific design blueprint like this on the varied downtown streetscape, turn next to business owners and mercilessly hector them to help maintain placements they had no say in designing.

As we’ve asked again and again: Why must things like this always be applied top-down by folks who otherwise claim to support individual initiative?

Wouldn’t it make more sense to consider a proven and successful idea like the Urban Enterprise Association’s façade grant program and apply its 50/50 principle to beautification?

Why not let businesses come up with their own plan for flowers, trees, planters or other “green” applications, and have Clean and Green coordinate a bundle of grants to help with costs? Wouldn’t this allow for more individualized design flair, and also provide the businesses with an incentive to maintain their own placements?

Arguably the most successful act of downtown revitalization to date was the city council’s enactment in 2006 of the riverfront development area, enabling a less restrictive regime of state alcoholic beverage permits, and resulting in a diverse downtown “food and drink court” of international flair, which in turn has provided impetus for building restorations and hundreds of visitors more than before.

Note that this measure appealed to entrepreneurial self-interest and provided a solid reason to invest without once stipulating which beers were to be poured or the type fish destined for frying. The same principle might be leveraged to promote more retail, loft housing, public art and … yes … even beautification.

The key? It’s prying design considerations from the leaden hand of the “father knows best,” beige-rules crowd.

Anyone with ideas about how to do that? Let us know. It’s actually rather important.

I'm sure it was an oversight.

It wasn't that long ago; I remember quite well when political pressure was exerted against the Urban Enterprise Association to tithe for various downtown beautification efforts, including at least one that necessitated planting seasonal flowers, not perennials, just in time for them to be trampled by Harvest Homecoming.

Fast forward a couple of years, and now there’s Keep New Albany Clean and Green, once a centerpiece of Irv Stumler’s ingloriously failed mayoral campaign, and now the city’s preferred extra-curricular means of collecting corporate grants and private donations to facilitate beautification.

It’s all well and good, although we’re still wondering precisely whose visions of beautification are being implemented, but perhaps at least the UEA is off the gardening hook, and will be allowed to go back to spending its budget for its own programs, rather than for superfluous outside requests (see "Dan Coffey is right: The UEA is not City Hall’s ATM" for further details).

Speaking of green, the Green Mouse says there’s something askew in these photos. One area was completed by the UEA prior to the advent of Clean and Green, which did the other.

Hint: Can you guess where the sign really should be, er, planted?

Nice flowers. Did the slumlord pay his share?

Irv Stumler and Jerry Finn explain their clean and green vision to Dale Moss (Courier-Journal): Failed mayoral candidate still pushes New Albany cleanup effort.

The idyllic intent is to plant more flowers and trees, pick up more trash and better maintain both public and private spaces. Neighbors are to inspire neighbors, neighborhoods are to inspire neighborhoods. People would work routinely and proudly. “It takes continuous effort,” Stumler said. “It doesn’t just happen.”

Indeed, it does not.

Consider that in barely two weeks, there have been two significant busts of meth labs near schools. Meanwhile, the old tavern building at the corner of 8th and Culbertson, which has been neglected for decades by infamously parasitical Jeffersonville slumlords, began collapsing a month ago, and what remains might or might not be salvageable.

Yes, we have newly vibrant strategies for demolishing decrepit buildings. We also have no citywide plan to replace them, and instead, we talk about tens of millions to expend on one waterfront property, rather than the hundred of vacant living spaces awaiting revitalization in a manner that would reinforce the notion of a neighborhood, rather than serve as a walled downtown enclave.

You see, it's easy to be cynical about beautification in a lingering context of the city's congenital refusal to enforce its own codes, and amid signs that top-down political pressure rather than grassroots up-push remains the default setting for what approximates "action" hereabouts.

I try hard not to be cynical, but as a former board member of the Urban Enterprise Association, I remember all too well how the current administration used a sizeable chunk of UEA money a few years back to plant annual flowers that later were trampled by Harvest Homecoming before dying. It made no sense at all, it was a waste of money, but it looked good. For a while.

I'm no botanist, but it is my hope that the current Clean and Green effort might at least deal in native plant varieties that will return yearly, not serve merely as one-off political window dressing.

Overall, I wish Irv and Jerry the best of luck as they seek to corral the vandals and keep the extractors in line with little or no assistance from government. Absolutely: We all want this to be a better place, not just a more attractive one. Whether this can be achieved by treating symptoms without addressing root contagions is the real question.

New Albany's show tonight, and beautification underway.

It has been an exhausting past few weeks, and it seems a break is merited. NABC will be open today (Thursday, July 3) but closed Friday, Saturday and Sunday for a long holiday weekend.

Tonight, the action's downtown.

Concert, fireworks coming to New Albany riverfront Thursday; Beautification effort starts this week, too, by Daniel Suddeath (News and Tribune).

An unprecedented celebration and the desire to beautify the riverfront corridor has inspired the New Albany Urban Enterprise Association to team with a local landscaper. Beginning this week, Mike Pattison, owner of Equinox Gardens at 313 Mount Tabor Road, is hanging baskets and planting flowers through areas of the Urban Enterprise Zone — an area mainly covering downtown that is marked for economic enhancements.