Strong Towns Throwback Friday: "We should not be asking engineers to design streets."

There'll come a time when the critique can be renewed. Until then, we'll live with the myriad errors.

design-streets">Engineers should not design streets, by Charles Marohn (Strong Towns)

Last Friday I was participating in the 5th Annual Mayor's Bike Ride in Duluth following a week spent sharing the Strong Towns message on the Iron Range. The friendly woman riding next to me asked me what could be done to to better educate engineers so they would start to build streets that were about more than simply about moving cars. My answer rejected the premise of the question: We should not be asking engineers to design streets ...

New Albany's Fork in the Road to fall victim to HWC's whitewashed and IKEA-inspired design.

Work began yesterday on the latest downtown beautification project, the fundamental problems with which I summarized last July in a post that is repeated below (with links to other thoughts).

When the city's plans were revealed amid Terry Middleton's foyer in 2018, HWC's campaign finance donor luminaries had suggested relocating David Thrasher's seminal Fork in the Road to the sidewalk in front of the Jimmy's Music Center building. Now I'm told by a Team Gahan insider that our drain trust hasn't decided where to put it, and would welcome ideas.

Really?

Since when do they welcome ideas? Property owners fronting the Market Street block currently undergoing forced "beautification" never were asked their views on the process before the plans were minted, were they?

Why now?

Listen up: Since Thrasher's fork was installed circa 2012, it has been mildly divisive. Many observers, including a disproportionate percentage of disaffected older white males bearing purely literal imaginations, have expressed derision. Others with minds somewhat more open to whimsy have flocked to the Fork for selfies.

And this division of opinion is exactly the point. 

Art should prompt discussion, even at the risk of venom and incomprehension. We know that Jeff Gahan's personal preferences run to Dogs Playing Poker and Velvet Elvis; fine, and it's a free country, but public art is something quite different.

IKEA-inspired design versus the Fork in the Road? Here's a chance for the clothes-free emperor to intervene in the cloistered design process and urge a rethink.

Whaddya say, Deaf?

---

We're told that peak inner city suburban Gahanism on Market Street will be delayed. (July 17, 2018)

At this morning's merchant meeting, attendees were told by the city's business coordinator Tonya Fischer that the recently ballyhooed Market Street "facelift" between Pearl and State will not be finished before Harvest Homecoming. Rather, it is to begin afterward.

She hinted that burrowed deeply somewhere in the shadowy labyrinth of Jeff Gahan's down-low bunker, there'd been second thoughts about the final configuration of this expenditure with money donated by the Horseshoe Foundation.

One might hope, but Team Gahan doesn't take well to critiques or criticism, and my guess is it's about bad timing with regard to the annual festival.

But let's make no mistake. Nothing I've seen lately epitomizes the city's gorwing problem with "institutional inbreeding" quite as grandly as HWC Engineering's (who else?) hilarious mock-ups of this project, a Disney-meets-outlet mall pastiche of anti-urban design elements reflecting the emperor's perennial tastelessness as well as the apparent absence of integrity among staffers placed in charge of preserving an asinine median, adding a car-centric turn lane to westbound Market (which barely registers vehicular traffic), felling any and all nearby trees, truncating the sidewalk on the northern side, adding IKEA chairs and hideous commemorative median "art," then boldly declaring victory for pedestrians in a setting that has been "upgraded" for drivers alone.

Even George Orwell might register a guffaw at the sheer mindlessness of it. What's more, amid the comedy of the mayor's loyal kept Republican (David Barksdale) wrestling with the city engineer for control of the project on behalf of the redevelopment commission so he could ensure that all existing trees were designated for removal -- it's gotta be a fetish, folks, the dude who hates trees sitting on the Tree Board -- there was the fact that all the money was slotted for the north side of the street, and none at all on the south side, where two completely restored older buildings are about open for business.

It's the same closed-loop people making the same moribund and template-inspired decisions with the same continuing obligation to connect the dots between contract winners and the mayor's campaign finance war chest; currently they are completely exhausted of any semblance of creativity, and unfortunately, it shows.

We'll have to abide these cumulative design mistakes for decades, scraping to pay for genuinely useful improvements because there'll be nothing left in the till that isn't committed to the Reisz Mahal, the Summit Springs Mudslide & Fun Park and a parks department with a budget exceeding that of some postage stamp principalities.

There's an answer: FireGahan2019. Catch up with the lunacy via these links:

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Umbrageous boughs? Not on Market between Pearl and State.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism as HWC recommends buying IKEA when two local furniture dealers are yards away from the redesign atrocity.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism via faux "input," pre-determined outcomes, clear-cutting, IKEA chairs and raging HWC paranoia. Welcome to your "improved" Market Street.

Goodbye to the Fork in the Road, hello to "Mayor Jeff Gahan presents, "A Fork Amid the Sidewalk" -- and fork YOU if you don't obey.

After an amended guilty plea, the Laura Buckingham saga nears its sell-by date.

As noted in the space almost three years ago, I've never been interested in choosing sides, because this story has struck me as a prime instance of tragedy -- in the word's original sense.

1. (esp in classical and Renaissance drama) a play in which the protagonist, usually a man of importance and outstanding personal qualities, falls to disaster through the combination of a personal failing and circumstances with which he cannot deal.

2. (in later drama, such as that of Ibsen) a play in which the protagonist is overcome by a combination of social and psychological circumstances.

What's a "good" ending? This may or may not be it, but pending the sale of movie rights, it's the only ending we have at present.

Laura Buckingham pleads guilty in murder-for-hire plot, by Aprile Rickert (Tome May)

Laura Buckingham charged with murder-for-hire plot

 ... On Tuesday, Buckingham pleaded guilty in Roane County Circuit Court in Tennessee to the amended charge, a class B felony which could carry between eight and 30 years in prison. The plea recommends a 10-year sentence, all of which is to be suspended to probation, and 500 hours of community service, with no less than 50 per year. It also stipulates that she is to not have contact with other parties in the case and, as a U.S. Marine, comply with all recommendations of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs ...

We're told that peak inner city suburban Gahanism on Market Street will be delayed.

At this morning's merchant meeting, attendees were told by the city's business coordinator Tonya Fischer that the recently ballyhooed Market Street "facelift" between Pearl and State will not be finished before Harvest Homecoming. Rather, it is to begin afterward.

She hinted that burrowed deeply somewhere in the shadowy labyrinth of Jeff Gahan's down-low bunker, there'd been second thoughts about the final configuration of this expenditure with money donated by the Horseshoe Foundation.

One might hope, but Team Gahan doesn't take well to critiques or criticism, and my guess is it's about bad timing with regard to the annual festival.

But let's make no mistake. Nothing I've seen lately epitomizes the city's gorwing problem with "institutional inbreeding" quite as grandly as HWC Engineering's (who else?) hilarious mock-ups of this project, a Disney-meets-outlet mall pastiche of anti-urban design elements reflecting the emperor's perennial tastelessness as well as the apparent absence of integrity among staffers placed in charge of preserving an asinine median, adding a car-centric turn lane to westbound Market (which barely registers vehicular traffic), felling any and all nearby trees, truncating the sidewalk on the northern side, adding IKEA chairs and hideous commemorative median "art," then boldly declaring victory for pedestrians in a setting that has been "upgraded" for drivers alone.

Even George Orwell might register a guffaw at the sheer mindlessness of it. What's more, amid the comedy of the mayor's loyal kept Republican (David Barksdale) wrestling with the city engineer for control of the project on behalf of the redevelopment commission so he could ensure that all existing trees were designated for removal -- it's gotta be a fetish, folks, the dude who hates trees sitting on the Tree Board -- there was the fact that all the money was slotted for the north side of the street, and none at all on the south side, where two completely restored older buildings are about open for business.

It's the same closed-loop people making the same moribund and template-inspired decisions with the same continuing obligation to connect the dots between contract winners and the mayor's campaign finance war chest; currently they are completely exhausted of any semblance of creativity, and unfortunately, it shows.

We'll have to abide these cumulative design mistakes for decades, scraping to pay for genuinely useful improvements because there'll be nothing left in the till that isn't committed to the Reisz Mahal, the Summit Springs Mudslide & Fun Park and a parks department with a budget exceeding that of some postage stamp principalities.

There's an answer: FireGahan2019. Catch up with the lunacy via these links: 

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Umbrageous boughs? Not on Market between Pearl and State.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism as HWC recommends buying IKEA when two local furniture dealers are yards away from the redesign atrocity.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism via faux "input," pre-determined outcomes, clear-cutting, IKEA chairs and raging HWC paranoia. Welcome to your "improved" Market Street.

Goodbye to the Fork in the Road, hello to "Mayor Jeff Gahan presents, "A Fork Amid the Sidewalk" -- and fork YOU if you don't obey.

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Umbrageous boughs? Not on Market between Pearl and State.

Just our luck to live in a town where the mayor is allergic to shade.

umbrageous

Definition: (adjective) Affording or forming shade.
Synonyms: shadowed, shady
Usage: The chief beauty of trees consists in the deep shadow of their umbrageous boughs.

Chainsaws aren't my idea of kink, but different strokes and all. I suppose they do vibrate.

Following are posts about the awesomesauce Market Street median beautification project, which will result in trees falling on the north side of Market between Pearl and State, and don't forget: when your eyes bulge and your hair curls, and you think to yourself, "OMG this is tacky," you're actually insulting an engineer who knows quite a bit more than you (because money is to control what acorns are to oaks).

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism as HWC recommends buying IKEA when two local furniture dealers are yards away from the redesign atrocity.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism via faux "input," pre-determined outcomes, clear-cutting, IKEA chairs and raging HWC paranoia. Welcome to your "improved" Market Street.

Goodbye to the Fork in the Road, hello to "Mayor Jeff Gahan presents, "A Fork Amid the Sidewalk" -- and fork YOU if you don't obey.

Goodbye to the Fork in the Road, hello to "Mayor Jeff Gahan presents, "A Fork Amid the Sidewalk" -- and fork YOU if you don't obey.

Photo by David Modica.

Ah, those blissful days of pre-Gahanista innocence.

More forks in the road. (November 29, 2011)

At this morning's Merchant Mixer meeting, Dave Thrasher explains what may lie beyond the stenciled fork in the road as Curt Peters holds a drawing of the 16-ft tall sculpture soon to occupy space on the west side of the traffic island at State and Market Streets. Bravo!

The new (and putrid) beautification plan looks like this.

We can't blame baseball hall of famer Jim "HWC" Rice for this one; it comes straight from Esteemed Leader, and nowhere else.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism via faux "input," pre-determined outcomes, clear-cutting, IKEA chairs and raging HWC paranoia. Welcome to your "improved" Market Street.

There's nothing new in any of this. We already knew that Team Gahan views the notion of open, honest transparency with the same reverence as a vampire views garlic -- and speaking of Transylvania, it's also understood that just as comrade Ceausescu sought to remake Bucharest in his own Mussolini-filtered image, Jeff Gahan is striving to render downtown's physical appearance into a tableau worthy of a veneer salesman's insipidity, with all the tasteful flair of an exurban outlet mall by the interstate.

Jeeebus, the clique is engorged. Anyone for lancing the boil in 2019?

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism as HWC recommends buying IKEA when two local furniture dealers are yards away from the redesign atrocity.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism via faux "input," pre-determined outcomes, clear-cutting, IKEA chairs and raging HWC paranoia. Welcome to your "improved" Market Street.

First, the renderings, then some of our trademark "hurtful" commentary.

"Surprise, surprise, surprise," said redevelopment commission appointee Gomer Pyle when gazing upon favored city contractor (and frequent Jeff Gahan campaign donor) HWC Engineering's antiseptic and robotic pastel mock-ups of the latest in a series of shameless aesthetic abortions of urban design, this one pre-determined, pre-authorized and pre-monetized to grace Market Street between Pearl and State, but only the north side of the street.

Why only the north side?

Probably because whenever a New Albany city official pontificates about walkability, we've know what he or she really means is car-centric imperatives camouflaged by lofty rhetorical nonsense, and so recalling that city engineer Larry Summers originally referred to this beautification project's wonderful benefits for pedestrians, you'll see that the north sidewalk is halved and the unnecessary median (which should be dynamited) truncated to permit a westbound turn lane for drivers.

In turn, this means that once again -- have we reached 50 times yet, or 75? -- David "I'm Beaming About Buildings" Barksdale of the largely fictitious Treeless Board is merrily presiding over the felling of at least seven healthy trees, proving yet again that irony in New Albany is stone effing dead -- and moreover, with Barksdale the council swing voter of the moment, he's buffed to a high sheen by the City Hall patronage machine and encouraged time and again to lube the chain saw as a means of glorifying objects, as opposed to people.

Sadly, David Thrasher's Fork in the Road sculpture will not survive the signed, sealed and delivered Disneyfication of the block. There being no way for Gahan to take credit for a previous mayor's decision, he instead must intervene somehow, perhaps skulking masked at 3 a.m. to the installation and etching an anchor tattoo into the cheese.

The Gahan Monetary Arts Council proposes moving Fork in the Road to the northwest corner of the intersection at Market and Pearl, rendering it into a Fork in the Sidewalk, and revealing once more that the artistic sensibility of Team Gahan ranks right up there with field mice blind drunk on spontaneously fermented persimmon juice.

Following are some details. The sole debatable topic on the agenda yesterday was: "Which ironwork design for the fattened mid-block median is your preference?" Note that 1813 refers to the official (and incorrect) date of the city's founding, while 1817 is a nod to the inception of the city market, which used to stand in the middle of the street. 

Below: (8) marks the spot of the Fork in the Rectum relocation.

That's right: IKEA furniture ... with shadeless tables next to parking spaces by a street adding a traffic lane, all in the service of walkability. They're literally too stupid to be embarrassed by this farrago of power-play suburban white bread foolishness.

---

On Thursday morning at 11:30 a.m., I learned that the Redevelopment Commission had scheduled a public "input" session about the Market Street median enfluffment and beautification project, to be held at 1:30 p.m. at appointed commission member Terry Middleton's gym on the north side of Market, between Pearl and State.

I sincerely thank my informant, without whom I'd not have known the meeting was taking place. As it was revealed later, the full extent of "official" public notification about this meeting, as ostensibly aimed at gathering public "input" toward a foregone conclusion, was limited to those unfortunates in attendance at Develop New Albany's self-congratulatory midday luncheon at The Grand.

Did the intellectual property pilferage seminar go well?

There's nothing new in any of this. We already knew that Team Gahan views the notion of open, honest transparency with the same reverence as a vampire views garlic -- and speaking of Transylvania, it's also understood that just as comrade Ceausescu sought to remake Bucharest in his own Mussolini-filtered image, Jeff Gahan is striving to render downtown's physical appearance into a tableau worthy of a veneer salesman's insipidity, with all the tasteful flair of an exurban outlet mall by the interstate.

As an aside, it should be noted that just last Thursday, at the conclusion of the city council meeting, I exercised my council speaking time to agree (!) with 3rd district councilman Greg Phipps, who earlier in the meeting had expressed interest in viewing the Market Street beautification proposals prior to their implementation.

Congratulating my councilman for this utterly atypical attention to detail, I added that there should be some way for the public to consider the hitherto guarded plan.

Councilman David Barksdale and redevelopment commission director Josh Staten were present and presumed awake, and heard me say this. Naturally, neither of them bothered to tell me about yesterday's meeting.

Perhaps they were in on the joke -- that the "input" meeting would come without any way of recording input aside from transmitting viewpoints orally to an HWC employee who didn't record them, but it matters little, given that as many as two, maybe even three members of the "public" were in attendance at a meeting few knew was occurring, otherwise lost amid the massed presence of City Hall's nepotistic, sycophantic governing clique, abetted by two of DNA's semi-professional grovelers and the duo of HWC operatives.

One of HWC's purveyors of drive-through expertise was in rare holier-than-thou form, but we'll return to baseball hall-of-famer Jim Rice's finger-wagging testimony -- which might be summarized as "engineers always rank higher on the food chain than nasty hurtful plebes" -- at another time.

As a postscript, the ever insightful Jeff Gillenwater inspires me to conduct a thorough analysis of spray paint options.

One day, someone much smarter than Gahan and his minions is going to tear down and paint over much of what they’ve done. I’m going to volunteer to help.

"Former New Albany café owner faces attempted murder charge."

The feeding frenzy of the amateur media revolution -- is it a necessary evil?

Search for the words "Laura Buckingham Afghanistan Marines," and Google disgorges dozens of headlines with banners like these: "Marine Who Peed on Dead Taliban Foils Girlfriend’s Alleged Murder-for-Hire Plot" and "Former Marine court-martialed for peeing on Taliban bodies stops girlfriend's alleged murder-for-hire plot WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT."

It's a perfect storm for the planet's social media vultures: A notorious former soldier prevents his girlfriend, also a former soldier, from killing her child's father. It is likely that Robo-Screenplay already is at work, scrubbing the story clean of any genuine human element.

Laura Buckingham became known to many residents of Southern Indiana as the "bread chick," selling her loaves at the farmers market prior to opening a bricks and mortar cafe called Bread and Breakfast. Overnight, she has become fodder for worldwide "news" coverage.

Former New Albany café owner faces attempted murder charge, by Chris Morris (News and Tribune)

We're all adults here, and few (if any) of us have a dog in this race. We don't know all the facts, and the case will play itself out in the judicial system. We shouldn't understate the seriousness, and yet personally, I always pull for redemption and second chances, and wish success to those seeking to purge resident demons. There is a young boy involved, and I'm sure you'll join me in wishing the best for him.

It may interest some readers to know there is a Facebook page called Support Laura Buckingham: "This page is to provide information on ways to help Laura Buckingham as relates to her current legal situation."

I'm not interested in choosing sides, because this story strikes me as an instance of tragedy -- in the word's original sense.

1. (esp in classical and Renaissance drama) a play in which the protagonist, usually a man of importance and outstanding personal qualities, falls to disaster through the combination of a personal failing and circumstances with which he cannot deal.

2. (in later drama, such as that of Ibsen) a play in which the protagonist is overcome by a combination of social and psychological circumstances.

It isn't clear what a "good" ending might be, but it's the one I'm hoping for.