Gahan's ineptly reinstalled "fork on the sidewalk hidden by cars" leads September's Top Ten at NA Confidential.

After, being ineptly dumped by Carmel-based vandals.

Thanks for reading NA Confidential, where we enjoy reconnoitering the neglected periphery for uniquely local perspectives on life in New Albany. Otherwise your only choice would be the Jeffersonville News and Evangel-bune, and that's a fate almost as unrewarding as light beer consumption.

September proved to be a good month for readership, so we'll list ten honrable mentions, followed by the top ten posts, preceded by a new special category.

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SCOURGE OF NEW ALBANIAN IRONY SICKNESS POST OF THE MONTH

A reader writes, we answer: "Roger, when you ran for mayor, didn't Extol Magazine have a profile about you?"

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(10) HONORABLE MENTION FOR SEPTEMBER

663

GREEN MOUSE SAYS: Did Team Gahan really eject former mayor James Garner from its campaign kickoff love-in last Saturday?

"At some point I saw (former mayor) James Garner, and I thought good, this means we're past the primary, and the party can get back together again, but then the mayor's son-in-law (Chris Gardner) and police chief (Todd) Bailey went over and started barking orders at Garner. I could only hear some of what they were saying -- they were telling him to leave! I couldn't believe it, chasing an ex-mayor and a lifelong Democrat away from the kickoff. I mean what have we become? Are we Democrats or some sort of gangsters?"

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691

Vote for Thunder the Wonder Ferret as a write-in for New Albany City Council District 3.

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694

GREEN MOUSE SAYS: Slick Jeffie's snarling true colors in last evening's non-debate.

"Gahan raised his voice and made this petulant snarl about how his balance was perfectly budgeted and the city's finances were in great shape. He yelled at Seabrook and said 'you're one to talk' since he's never had a balanced budget, and some other inaudible crackling.

"Slick Jeffie did a great job of showing his true colors. Seabrook definitely got under his skin last night."

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735

"Not a Cool Kid in High School? Study Says You Should Probably Be Relieved."

In NA politics, it’s all about sitting with the Cool Kids at lunch.
-- attentive blog reader D

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792

Happy 10th birthday to Toast on Market.

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821

C.R.E.A.M. y'all: Slick Jeffie releases cookout menu for Saturday, September 7 love fest.

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866

ON THE AVENUES: Socialists for Seabrook, because we desperately need a new beginning in New Albany.

In 2019, this European-style Social Democrat will be voting for Mark Seabrook for mayor of New Albany.

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869

Mark Seabrook attended the mayoral forum at the Southern Indiana Realtors Association. Jeff Gahan skipped it. Remember that, voters.

Seabrook?

He shows up.

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902

Watch Jeff Gahan abuse (a) the League of Women Voters' Q&A format, (b) Mark Seabrook and (c) the intelligence of voters.

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943

Slick Jeffie's wasteful masterpiece: $85,000 + $406,522 = the price for traffic lights at a downtown intersection where a four-way stop would work just fine.

The intersection of Bank and Main could be easily calmed and regulated by the installation of a four-way stop, with a few stop signs and red flashers like the ones recently installed at the intersection of 13th and Elm -- itself a stupidly hazardous place that the city's "brain trust" insisted for years wasn't an issue, but finally became necessary to "fix" so that Greg Phipps could have something to campaign on.

Stop signs at the intersection of Bank and Main might cost a couple thousand dollars. So, how do we do it in Jeff Pay-to-PlayHan's Anchor City?

(10) TOP TEN POSTS FOR SEPTEMBER

1,000

"Mayor's daughter arrested on drug charges."

Versailles is a city with fewer than 9,000 residents. Fred Siegelman appears to have been the all too familiar "mayor for life" type with at least three full terms before resigning in 2013. He appears to have been elected to city council in 2018. For all I know he was a competent mayor, seemingly theatrical, but that's hardly uncommon. All of the following is a matter of public record, albeit dated -- and be aware that this blog supports the legalization of marijuana.

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1,007

Vote Al Knable and Christina Estill for New Albany City Council At-Large.

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1,033

Power move: Him Gentleman's Boutique and Mane Alley Color & Extension Bar to transform the moribund Preston Arts Building.

Great story here, with Him Gentleman's Boutique and Mane Alley Color & Extension Bar purchasing and revamping a moribund building. Downtowners have known about this for a while, and it is good news indeed. Construction at RecBar across the street is underway, meaning that quite soon TWO redundant structures will have been put back to use.

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1,046

Resch, Sprigler, Bass and Donaldson present plans for Union Restaurant & GameYard, a new downtown Jeffersonville entertainment center.

"What we're bringing to the table is an asset to Jeff," Resch said. "It's going to be a destination to bring people downtown. You can tell by the drawings that we've put a lot of thought, time and effort into it. We're going to throw the right amount of money at it to make it a good project."

The sprawling layout for Union Restaurant & GameYard will comprise two houses sitting on West Chestnut St., the parking lot that separates them and an empty yard behind one of the houses.

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1,050

Which of these monstrously ugly downtown structures is the worst of all?

Just horrifying.

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1,066

Board and You Bistro & Wine Bar announced for 434 Pearl Street, coming in the Spring of 2020.

Note that 434 Pearl Street is the corner commercial space where Matt McMahan intended to launch a cidery a few years ago. Matt no longer owns the building.

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1,069

An unsolicited testimonial for the Irish Rover.

The Reidys have busted their humps throughout, but the aspect of their business experience that speaks to me is success in executing an existing idea -- the Irish pub, as opposed to the German beer hall or Belgian beer cafe -- by establishing a constant core of daily undertow, while allowing for creativity and evolution around the edges.

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1,244

Recbar 812 build-out underway. Here's my beer advice.

Always a pleasure to link to the IU Southeast newspaper.

Here's a suggestion for Recbar 812. If they're intent on 20 draft lines, then become an unofficial "tied" house for an Indiana brewery (obviously contractual agreements are not legal) and devote half those lines to them.

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1,834

Just tell me why we should refrain from pointing to the wealth amassed by religious personalities like the late Rev. Berniece Hicks.

Hicks was a preacher, and she had a church. Maybe she owned the church; maybe it owned her. Obviously she owned lots of stuff. One needn't devote hours of research to grasp that the church Hicks founded has been controversial almost from the beginning, as this front page from 1979 attests.

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2,269

Return of the Fork in the Road public art installation -- bad location, but it's Gahanism, after all.

Before, where it actually made sense.

Return of the Fork in the Road public art installation -- bad location, but it's Gahanism, after all.

I'm told this is a "dry fitting" to get the base calibrated (thanks, E; also thanks to K for the tip). It's a horrendous location; there's no "fork in the road," and the installation will be overshadowed by the parking garage, but in New Gahania we save the best spots for the most generic structures -- because that's how pay-to-play gets done, whippersnapper.

Like here. Think of it as an easel for Dogs Playing Poker, and you get an idea of the mayor's aesthetic sensibility.

Although it looks like Team Gahan spoke with "forked" tongues.

GREEN MOUSE SAYS: Sources suggest the farmers market is a likely location for the fork in the road's resurrection.

#DrainTheGahanSwamp #DitchTheGahanClique

GREEN MOUSE SAYS: Sources suggest the farmers market is a likely location for the fork in the road's resurrection.

It's a measure of the aesthetic incomprehension with which Slick Jeffrie views reality that when surveying the landscape for place to hide the captive sculpture "Fork in the Road," he ignores the original placement at a "fork" in the median owing to the pressing need to provide even more space for cars, concentrates instead on the cheese platform, and concludes it must be placed at the farmers market because literal-mindedness is what the Union of Simplistic Politicos requires of members whose dues are paid by the likes of HWC.

All this assumes the popular piece of public art wasn't been dashed to kindling during the course of a hurried dismantlement in March to make way for Deaf Gahan's "Arc de Pay Up Suckers."

Okay, so the Green Mouse did not obtain this information. I simply asked Tonya Fischer at this morning's merchant meeting, and she told the attendees that her understanding is the farmers market as a site for relocation.

Back to your midday martinis, those yummy concoctions necessary to survive the appalling philistinism of Democratic Party ruling elites hereabouts.

The Fork (and Cheese) in the Road has not been seen because Jeff Gahan is holding it hostage until someone gives him more campaign finance gravy.

The Fork (and Cheese) in the Road has not been seen because Jeff Gahan is holding it hostage until someone gives him more campaign finance gravy.

It's an election year, and all of Team Gahan's campaign-finance-enhancement construction projects are behind schedule, so the whip is coming down. Crews are rushing to complete various beak-wetting bonanzas as the rest of us scratch our heads and recall those two forgotten words in Gahanist lore: quality control.

Many people have asked what became of Fork in the Road, the sculpture removed by Gahan's mercenary thugs in the run-up to unnecessary Market Street beautification.

The city has not commented on the whereabouts of the Fork (and cheese) in the Road. What we'll get instead of a unique, iconic locally produced sculpture is an HWC IKEA ceremonial gate that looks like every other such Disney-fried atrocity in every other place where money-grubbing politicians farm art to aesthetic assassins -- like HWC.

Next: Gahan’s beloved Dogs Playing Donor — I mean, poker.

Gahan the Destroyer's war on public art: Down comes the Fork in the Road, up goes the inevitable replacement.

New Albany's Fork in the Road to fall victim to HWC's whitewashed and IKEA-inspired design.

The Jeff Gahan Money Machine, Part 16: Last week's minutes from the Board of Public Works and Safety reveal big donors daintily lapping their gravy.

Gahan the Destroyer's war on public art: Down comes the Fork in the Road, up goes the inevitable replacement.

The Fork in the Road came down at 1:00 p.m. today.

Our Green Mouse says that Team Gahan, having mistaken a Greek island in the Mediterranean island for a kitschy defunct mass market furniture store, plans to install the Colossus of Rhodes Gahan to greet visitors to all the downtown businesses he's personally opened these past eight years.

Someone go out and get a shitload of ribbon.

New Albany's Fork in the Road to fall victim to HWC's whitewashed and IKEA-inspired design.

And this. We probably won't see the Fork in the Road again, because that's how dismally short-sighted they are.

#FireGahan2019

New Albany's Fork in the Road to fall victim to HWC's whitewashed and IKEA-inspired design.

Work began yesterday on the latest downtown beautification project, the fundamental problems with which I summarized last July in a post that is repeated below (with links to other thoughts).

When the city's plans were revealed amid Terry Middleton's foyer in 2018, HWC's campaign finance donor luminaries had suggested relocating David Thrasher's seminal Fork in the Road to the sidewalk in front of the Jimmy's Music Center building. Now I'm told by a Team Gahan insider that our drain trust hasn't decided where to put it, and would welcome ideas.

Really?

Since when do they welcome ideas? Property owners fronting the Market Street block currently undergoing forced "beautification" never were asked their views on the process before the plans were minted, were they?

Why now?

Listen up: Since Thrasher's fork was installed circa 2012, it has been mildly divisive. Many observers, including a disproportionate percentage of disaffected older white males bearing purely literal imaginations, have expressed derision. Others with minds somewhat more open to whimsy have flocked to the Fork for selfies.

And this division of opinion is exactly the point. 

Art should prompt discussion, even at the risk of venom and incomprehension. We know that Jeff Gahan's personal preferences run to Dogs Playing Poker and Velvet Elvis; fine, and it's a free country, but public art is something quite different.

IKEA-inspired design versus the Fork in the Road? Here's a chance for the clothes-free emperor to intervene in the cloistered design process and urge a rethink.

Whaddya say, Deaf?

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We're told that peak inner city suburban Gahanism on Market Street will be delayed. (July 17, 2018)

At this morning's merchant meeting, attendees were told by the city's business coordinator Tonya Fischer that the recently ballyhooed Market Street "facelift" between Pearl and State will not be finished before Harvest Homecoming. Rather, it is to begin afterward.

She hinted that burrowed deeply somewhere in the shadowy labyrinth of Jeff Gahan's down-low bunker, there'd been second thoughts about the final configuration of this expenditure with money donated by the Horseshoe Foundation.

One might hope, but Team Gahan doesn't take well to critiques or criticism, and my guess is it's about bad timing with regard to the annual festival.

But let's make no mistake. Nothing I've seen lately epitomizes the city's gorwing problem with "institutional inbreeding" quite as grandly as HWC Engineering's (who else?) hilarious mock-ups of this project, a Disney-meets-outlet mall pastiche of anti-urban design elements reflecting the emperor's perennial tastelessness as well as the apparent absence of integrity among staffers placed in charge of preserving an asinine median, adding a car-centric turn lane to westbound Market (which barely registers vehicular traffic), felling any and all nearby trees, truncating the sidewalk on the northern side, adding IKEA chairs and hideous commemorative median "art," then boldly declaring victory for pedestrians in a setting that has been "upgraded" for drivers alone.

Even George Orwell might register a guffaw at the sheer mindlessness of it. What's more, amid the comedy of the mayor's loyal kept Republican (David Barksdale) wrestling with the city engineer for control of the project on behalf of the redevelopment commission so he could ensure that all existing trees were designated for removal -- it's gotta be a fetish, folks, the dude who hates trees sitting on the Tree Board -- there was the fact that all the money was slotted for the north side of the street, and none at all on the south side, where two completely restored older buildings are about open for business.

It's the same closed-loop people making the same moribund and template-inspired decisions with the same continuing obligation to connect the dots between contract winners and the mayor's campaign finance war chest; currently they are completely exhausted of any semblance of creativity, and unfortunately, it shows.

We'll have to abide these cumulative design mistakes for decades, scraping to pay for genuinely useful improvements because there'll be nothing left in the till that isn't committed to the Reisz Mahal, the Summit Springs Mudslide & Fun Park and a parks department with a budget exceeding that of some postage stamp principalities.

There's an answer: FireGahan2019. Catch up with the lunacy via these links:

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Umbrageous boughs? Not on Market between Pearl and State.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism as HWC recommends buying IKEA when two local furniture dealers are yards away from the redesign atrocity.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism via faux "input," pre-determined outcomes, clear-cutting, IKEA chairs and raging HWC paranoia. Welcome to your "improved" Market Street.

Goodbye to the Fork in the Road, hello to "Mayor Jeff Gahan presents, "A Fork Amid the Sidewalk" -- and fork YOU if you don't obey.

Goodbye to the Fork in the Road, hello to "Mayor Jeff Gahan presents, "A Fork Amid the Sidewalk" -- and fork YOU if you don't obey.

Photo by David Modica.

Ah, those blissful days of pre-Gahanista innocence.

More forks in the road. (November 29, 2011)

At this morning's Merchant Mixer meeting, Dave Thrasher explains what may lie beyond the stenciled fork in the road as Curt Peters holds a drawing of the 16-ft tall sculpture soon to occupy space on the west side of the traffic island at State and Market Streets. Bravo!

The new (and putrid) beautification plan looks like this.

We can't blame baseball hall of famer Jim "HWC" Rice for this one; it comes straight from Esteemed Leader, and nowhere else.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism via faux "input," pre-determined outcomes, clear-cutting, IKEA chairs and raging HWC paranoia. Welcome to your "improved" Market Street.

There's nothing new in any of this. We already knew that Team Gahan views the notion of open, honest transparency with the same reverence as a vampire views garlic -- and speaking of Transylvania, it's also understood that just as comrade Ceausescu sought to remake Bucharest in his own Mussolini-filtered image, Jeff Gahan is striving to render downtown's physical appearance into a tableau worthy of a veneer salesman's insipidity, with all the tasteful flair of an exurban outlet mall by the interstate.

Jeeebus, the clique is engorged. Anyone for lancing the boil in 2019?

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism as HWC recommends buying IKEA when two local furniture dealers are yards away from the redesign atrocity.

Summers announces plan to "Walk the Walk" by enhancing car-centrism via the Market Street medians. We advocate nuking them to outer space.

As the photos show, reducing the sidewalk width of the north side of Market between Pearl and State means having to cut even more trees -- and shortening the median (which by all rights should be dynamited, not "preserved," historically or otherwise) suggests dismantling and moving David Thrasher's signature fork in the road sculpture.

Better ask the Tree Board.

On second thought, the Tree Board probably is the prime mover of this latest deforestation plan.

Worst of all is testimony from city engineer Larry Summers, who apparently cannot fathom the sad irony of announcing a plan to remove trees, uproot art, maintain a car-centric median, add a turning lane for autos AND take ten feet off sidewalks while still insisting, drone-like, it will "create a place for people to gather and make the street more functional."

If Summers is genuinely interested in this outcome, and he's not, he'd be advocating for reducing lanes to one each direction, ditching the median and extending sidewalks (at the very least).

However, in defense of the city's engineer, by his own testimony he's already working 80 hours a week (his words at last Monday's city council meeting, not mine), as well as fending off the usual territorial pissing challenges from councilman David Barksdale on behalf of redevelopment.

Time and again, Mayor Jeff Gahan and his minions have proven that of all possible outcomes in a situation like this, the one that benefits drivers and their cars will be the one chosen and glorified in Orwellian Newspeak as "walkability."

If aesthetic atrocities are inevitable ... can we #FireGahan2019 ?

Block of Market Street in New Albany to get facelift, by Chris Morris (Plain Tom May Content Dealer)

NEW ALBANY — A section of Market Street, between Pearl and State streets, will soon receive a facelift. But who oversees the project is still up for debate.

Larry Summers, engineer for the city of New Albany, told the Redevelopment Commission about the proposal Tuesday, which will include several aesthetic changes including new lighting, widening the median in certain spots but shortening it near State Street to add a turning lane. He said the sidewalks on the north side in front of businesses will be shortened to 10 feet and benches will be added. The project is being paid for by a grant from the Horseshoe Foundation of Floyd County, although Summers did not have the final cost. He said the hope is to have the majority of the work completed by Harvest Homecoming in October for safety reasons.

Summers said the changes will create a place for people to gather and make the street more functional.

"It will be very unique; it will be its own place," Summers said.

Summers also said the improvements would go through the Board of Public Works and Safety since that board meets weekly, instead of monthly, and must approve all projects that fall into the right of way. However, that did not sit well with all redevelopment members.

"This is a redevelopment project, not a board of works project," redevelopment member, and New Albany City Councilman, Dave Barksdale said.

The bids are supposed to be open prior to Tuesday's board of works meeting. The redevelopment commission members agreed to meet at 11 a.m. Tuesday to review those bids and said they want to have control of the project moving forward. Work may begin as early as this month. A pre-bid meeting was held May 7 and only one contractor attended, but Summers said it was not mandated.

Barksdale also said the two medians on Market will be different looking when the work is completed. He said he hopes money can be found in the future to improve the lighting and overall appearance of the median in the "lower" block.

Summers said there was not enough money to make changes to the other median, but added that would be a priority in the future to improve the landscape and lighting in the median, from State Street to Hauss Square.

"There is a lot of traffic there so we are always looking to improve that section," Summers said.

A tale of two forks.

Clever, aren't they?

But our fork has cheese.

(Forcht-up photo courtesy of ML)

Public Art Scene Stick A Fork In It.

At least Amy wasn't dozing during art appreciation class.

For Chris's complaint to make sense ("I don’t know what it has to do with our historic city"), he must be prepared to explain what art of any sort actually DOES have to do with our historic city -- and he can't cheat by asking his fellow literalist Bob "CeeSaw" Caesar, who believes that art is so important that it must be outsourced to Tennessee to truly matter.

At least Amy was around to offer the counter-point. Either of them, or preferably both, might ask the best available question: Why is there a fork painted on the road in front of the Cardinal Ritter House?

CHEERS AND JEERS — For Feb. 25-26

JEERS

... to the art display of a fork stuck in a piece of cheese along Market Street in downtown New Albany.

Who approved it and what is it supposed to signify — that we have a few restaurants in the downtown area? I don’t know what it has to do with our historic city. Maybe it would work better at the Carnegie Center. Unless I am mistaken, I don’t think we are the fork or cheese capital of the world.

— Chris Morris, Assistant Editor

CHEERS

... to the giant fork stuck in a piece of cheese sculpture along Market Street in downtown New Albany.

While I didn’t really plan to cheer the cheese, reading Mr. Morris’ preceding jeer reminded me of the chuckle I got when I saw the cheese for the first time last week. It’s fun and whimsical. So what if it doesn’t have anything to do with New Albany’s history?

Just let it be what it is. It’s art. Don’t you just love it?

— Amy Huffman-Branham, assistant editor

I can't see the eateries for the forks.

Of the errant forks.

Lest there be any misunderstandings, I personally view those painted forks in the road as one of Dave Thrasher’s best ever ideas, period. They’ve been on the back burner for years, and it hurts no one, least of all the streets, to have the forks there.

Having said this, I join many others in being a bit baffled as to why forks have appeared in places where there are no eateries, seeing as the stated intent from the very beginning was to use the painted forks to indicate food and drink establishments. Doesn't it confuse matters to put them elsewhere? Couldn't a another symbol in a different color mark non-culinary attractions?

The history of the fork in the road is very clear. On November 29, NAC explained the project, which had been outlined by Thrasher at a Merchant Mixer meeting held earlier the same day.

Minutes from recent Board of Public Works tell the rest of the story.

November 8, 2011COMMUNICATIONS – PUBLIC:

David Thrasher 205 E. Market explained that he is getting ready to do a city-wide promotion for downtown and part of it involves some public art. He stated that it is called “Fork in the Road” and it is to promote local restaurants and there will be a fork painted in front of each business that participates. He stated that they would like to get started as soon as possible.

Mr. Denison stated that they have met with the businesses downtown and they are very excited, but the board will have to discuss the paint and the aesthetics. He suggested that they table this item and then keep it on the agenda for next week to work out the details.

Mrs. Wilkinson moved to table the item until next week, Mrs. Garry second, all voted in favor.

November 15, 2011
OLD BUSINESS:

Item #4 - “Fork in the Road” art project

Mr. Denison stated that he has looked into this and he would recommend the board’s full approval.

Mrs. Wilkinson moved to approve, Mrs. Garry second, all voted in favor.

So, what’s the reason for the misplaced forking mystery?

The Green Mouse guesses that it owes to political expediencies ... but from whom and where? None of the usual suspects is taking credit -- and they always take credit. Perhaps the Ritter House is a clue, and because of that, we suggest following the project’s patronage trail. Is it Indiana R-72? Only the Shadow and St. Daniels know for sure, and they're busy plotting bridge tolls.

Another round of one-way street art.

Keep 'em guessing.

(96 + 15 = 111 hours)

I'm not being facetious when suggesting it was ingenious to paint New Albany's forks in the road in front of buildings that have nothing to do with food and drink.

Say what?

Well, it is now apparent that at some point after the initial plan was announced, it was decided to add forks to selected local attractions, like the Ritter House and the Farmers Market. How these were selected and by whom is a consideration for another day, but the sly strategy's effectiveness cannot be argued. After all, everyone -- even the oblivious non-participating troglodytes -- is talking about New Albany's street-surface forks, trying to figure out why they're painted in this or that location, and not in another, and what it all means in the end.

Assuming this was the intent, good work.

More forks in the road.

At this morning's Merchant Mixer meeting, Dave Thrasher explains what may lie beyond the stenciled fork in the road as Curt Peters holds a drawing of the 16-ft tall sculpture soon to occupy space on the west side of the traffic island at State and Market Streets. Bravo!

A suitable model for public art?

We saw "it" last week in Madison, Wisconsin.

Just ask Dave Thrasher what it means ...