ON THE AVENUES: A week that was wooden like Pinocchio and dry as an unused water park or an unfilled glass.

This is what happens when you realize (a) the draft of your weekly column isn't writing itself, and (b) the Green Mouse already has 900 words for the weekly Nawbany news wrap.

Besides, I've mostly stuck to my pledge to refrain from telling the truth about local affairs, a task made easier by the pandemic-borne restrictions and the general weirdness following in their wake. It's time to loosen up a little, a la Holcomb.

Consequently, this week ON THE AVENUES and GREEN MOUSE presents NAWBANY WEEK IN REVIEW have merged.

And what a wild damn week this proved to be.

Friday afternoon Governor Eric Holcomb chose the international May Day celebration to announce a five-stage plan to reopen Indiana almost entirely by July 4 -- probably a coincidence, that national holiday of a date. There are so many moving parts to it that the Green Mouse prefers to return at a later date and explain ... once the drugs have worn off.

---

On Thursday, as ever wishing to appear like he's socking it to those nasty Republicans, Mayor Jeff Gahan released one of his patented, socially distant videos -- because when you're agoraphobic, your whole life has been about keeping others as far away as possible.

Except that in this video, Gahan failed utterly to find his footing.

The upbeat ebullience and jingoism no longer comes naturally. He can still come out with the same words, but he can no longer even bring himself to believe them. For the first time in his life, there are signs of self-doubt. When he looks in the mirror, he now sees his reflection beginning to fragment. His persona that has been carefully constructed over 55 years to protect himself from the pain of being himself is falling apart. Yet still he can’t quite access the humility that might go some way to healing himself.

Okay, so the preceding passage was lifted word for word from The Guardian, speaking not of Gahan, but Prime Minister Boris Johnson. However, the parallels are both instructive and striking.

With nothing whatever to do for six weeks since pandemic curve-flattening measures were imposed -- just about all of the responses have come from GOP-controlled county, state and federal governments -- the congenitally bunker-bound mayor seemed wooden, listless and uninspiring.

The font on his cheat sheet may have been too small. He also seemed distracted and sad, as if in mourning.

What about the odd ball cap -- can you make it out?

Yep, it's a municipal parks and recreation logo, right there on Gahan's pate covering, but why this of all things?

In the current time, shouldn't it be an ambulance driver's emblem, or a first responder's or hospital nurse's?

Ever since 9-11, when every politician started popping up dressed like firemen and cops, symbolism like this is carefully scripted -- and we already know that Gahan can't so much as take out the trash without post-it notes.

The answer, of course, is that the mayor surely is mourning. 

At a time when numerous townspeople are suffering, jobs have been lost, social inequalities exposed and the groundwork laid for pervasive revolution, the primary reason for Gahan's video Thursday was to inform his adoring public (cue the somber violins) that there cannot possibly be a season this summer for the River Run Family Water Park, our glorious aquatic center.

Fabric is torn and teeth ground together. The coronavirus dunnit, ya know.

Goat herders in Kosovo understand that the parks and recreation department is Gahan's baby, with a budget that went in a very few years from zero to somewhere around $3 million. Right now, with these park units mostly closed and the majority of functions suspended by the pandemic, the mayor's baby is under siege.

Not a word in six weeks about the homeless, the hungry or the vulnerable. But there's a video lamenting the enforced absence of a three-month water sports calendar at a catastrophically expensive facility built to cater to the better-off among us.

Bizarrely, seeing as River Run has hemorrhaged tax dollars since inception, even in the best of climate-altered Ohio Valley heat waves, keeping it closed and eliminating operating expenses might actually save the city money in 2020, even if we continue making the bond payments (assuming the city has the spare change lying around to do so).

We shouldn't assume that. At last Gahan faces a crisis, and if he somehow bluffs his way through the pandemic, there's the Sherman Minton idiocy coming next year.

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I thought occurrred to me, and I did a Google search: When was the last news item in which "HWC Engineering" and "New Albany Indiana" both appeared?

You'll really love this: it was in the Seymour Tribune in December, 2019.

After 12 years as mayor of Seymour, Craig Luedeman will embark on a new career in 2020.

Luedeman, 43, has been hired by HWC Engineering in Indianapolis. He will serve as a community business development manager for the firm beginning Jan. 6.

HWC is a full-service planning and infrastructure design firm with offices in Terre Haute, New Albany, Lafayette and Muncie. Although he will be based out of the Indianapolis office, he’ll be working remotely from his home, too, and will have to travel a lot, he said.

“Basically, I’ll be going to cities and counties and communities and trying to help them with getting grants and any kind of business development HWC does as far as transportation, bridges, wastewater, stormwater, all those areas and design services,” he said.

He will meet with mayors and other leaders across the state to discuss projects they may have and how HWC can assist with getting those projects accomplished.

Wondering what Slick Jeffie would be doing now if David White or Mark Seabrook had beaten him in 2019? Look homeward, Seymour, and remember this graphic from last year's mayoral campaign.

So, are Gahan's well-heeled revolving corporate donors (including but not limited to HWC) now lining up to contribute to local relief efforts in a time of 20% unemployment?

Is Mayor Gahan reminding them about the optics?

You know, "hey, um, guys -- well, thinking back to all that pay-to-play money you gave me, then I gave tons more of it back to you, um, uh, couldn't you maybe, like, send a little of it this way, you know, to taxpayers in their time of need?"

A city shakes with laughter. The mere thought prompts hilarity. Which comes first, being unable to imagine Gahan ever once thinking to ask them, or those well-dressed campaign donors conveniently failing to conceive of the idea on their own?

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But wait -- there's much more.

For instance, it appears that Extol Magazine now owns a stake in the New Albany Housing Authority. Hard to miss a privatization of such size; has Ben Carson already cashed the check?

I blame it all on COVID.

It's the NAHA monthly newsletter at the Joomag website, boasting a new cult of overpaid administrative personality in the offing, and I'm sure the official explanation will include trite Business First-speak about strategic partnerships in communications, synergy, and charitable backpack blessings.

Still, this would constitute a relationship, and ever since January 1, lifelong Republican Jason Applegate is destined to find these LinkedIn affairs troublesome owing to a nagging topic called "ethics."

Presumably he still owns Extol, and may or may not continue to serve as the magazine's chief ad sales person during the first year of his term as Democratic councilman-at-large.

As such, any connection whatever between the business affairs of a public agency like NAHA, with its yahoo poobah and sycophantic board both appointed by the mayor, and an outside entity owned by an elected official like Applegate is deserving of scrutiny.

Donald Trump may be president, and Gahan persist as mayor-for-life, but conflicts of interest have not magically disappeared from the planet. The newspaper in its pathetic death throes won't help us, pandemic or otherwise. Rather, ordinary citizens must keep their eyes fixed on the clique's gyrations, and demand answers to their pertinent questions.

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There's yet another news item: our new three-story tall anchor symbol on the south side of the parking garage. It's horrendous, but there is consolation in the absence of Dear Leader's gleaming mug.

Oft times in the past I've joked about the way Team Gahan's fondness for anchors has resulted in ubiquitous imagery alarmingly similar to the vainglorious shambles of Mussolini's Italy, spreading like a virus throughout the city.

For those just tuning in, all these anchors weren't ever submitted for approval to the city council -- and we already have had a city symbol on the books. But David "Bag Man" Duggins, previously referenced above as the newly buttoned-down overlord of NAHA, thought anchors looked cute.

Hamster wheels spun, a "marketing device" was born, and now we're drowning in the inanity of its ceaseless citywide repetition. The governing clique routinely scoffs at me for mentioning Mussolini's name, and yet the plain fact that few of them have bothered reading books implies an unfamiliarity with the way totalitarian systems use symbols. It's precisely the same, as with Gahan's parks department cap.

However, at this late date it has become evident that I may have been wrong slightly mistaken all along. It was pointed out to me recently that anchors can symbolize conditions quite apart from being deployed at water's bottom to prevent forward progress.

Life, stability, a connection: over time, it was only natural that the anchor became a symbol of love. This object is often depicted as a symbol of fidelity: the anchor gets firmly planted into the bottom of the ocean floor and provides the ship with the stability it needs. This is the same stability that two people who are in love with each other rediscover day after day.

Many couples get matching anchor tattoos to symbolise their eternal love. Or they wear jewelry embellished with this meaningful nautical symbol.

Turns out that Duggins is a devotee of the Hallmark Channel.

Anchor soft as an easy chair
Anchor fresh as the morning air
One anchor that is shared by two
I have found with you

Who'd have guessed?

---

Recent columns:

April 23: ON THE AVENUES: Hemingway in a time of mercifully silent thunder.

April 16: ON THE AVENUES: Bunker mentalities, bunker abnormalities; bunker dreams, bunker screams.

April 9: ON THE AVENUES: #VoteEwwNoMatterWho, or when being realistic means being radical.

April 2: ON THE AVENUES: Pandemic, pornographic, pecksniffian. Just three random words until the booze kicks in.

In which Deaf Gahan encourages public housing residents to be "thrilled" about the indoor grass at the sportsplex he built with their money.

On April 2 a "handful" of Mark Elrod Tower residents (the mayor's words, not ours) witnessed a full-throttle City Hall team in glorious campaign mode. Mayor Gahan, Gauleiter Duggins and BOWhisperer Nash each spoke. In this excerpt, Gahan deftly shifts from a question about sidewalks to "cool stuff."

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Question: Are they putting sidewalks down Grant Line?

Jeff Gahan: “Beechwood all the way down to McDonald Lane. Do you guys think that’s a good idea?”

(some say yes, others no)

“I do, too. We also (audio muddled) down Mt Tabor Road, sidewalks on both sides (audio muddled) like it, but that’s the thing you run into. To me it makes sense to have sidewalks on both sides, but not there. Anyway, so yes, we have five roads plugged up right now, and Warren did that (giggles), and, uh, we’ve got paving on top of it, so there’s a lot of construction in the city, lots of cool stuff going on in downtown New Albany, we have, we are having a resurgence now, a lot of folks are finding interest in New Albany, it lost interest for a while, now they’re kind of coming back. Got some new housing in New Albany, attracting some people, got housing – older housing – redone so it’s attracting as well, so, uh, investing heavily in the parks, yeah, got a lot of folks that are using the parks. If you guys aren’t, you should be, we’ve got a great swimming pool. Love to see you in the pool, love to see you in the parks, uh, we have a sportsplex with a grass surface so you can walk in there year-round, love to see you in there. Make sure you use those facilities, but anyway, we’re thrilled, thrilled that you’re here, thrilled to be here, uh, you got any questions for me?"

---

For obvious reasons and maximum humor, these transcriptions will be kept brief.

Watery light beer wars are our new favorite spectator sport.

I've got dibs on the Porta Potty concession.

Not really a caption contest as Gahan and Duggins bond over light beers.

In which Deaf Gahan sets us straight about the naming rights.

Desperately we seek solace through satire. As always, satire begins with the unreality of real life.

Throwing Reisz: The Jeff M. Gahan Luxury Government Center keeps the emphasis on buildings, as opposed to people.

While the rest of us were preoccupied with a luxury city hall, the Floyd County Parks Department was stealing a march on His Deafness's NA City Parks unit.

Ah, but the Deafster was on top of it all along.

"You haven't factored in the Romeo Langford Municipal Complex. First reading coming soon as soon as Barksdale puts us over the bar."

In other words, Monday.

For more Hon. Deaf Gahan, visit Twitter.

City Hall Wants You ... to "collaborate with cross-functional teams" and "maintain City information in a confidential manner."

Never Forget: Inflatable Date Night.

Dude -- I saw where it talks about maintaining city information in a (NA Confidential) manner, so I tried to apply on-line.

Damn thing blocked me.

But that's okay.

After all, it doesn't say anything about pay scale in official Anchor City scrip.

---

Events and Promotions Coordinator
City of New Albany - New Albany, IN

This position is responsible for all marketing and event coordination. This includes all planning, coordinating, and execution of the events. This position is critical in planning and facilitating events for the Community and staff throughout the City of New Albany.

SPECIFIC DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES

"*" denotes an essential function of the job

Collaborates with cross-functional teams to create and gather necessary internal resources, such as advertising, human resources and information technology. 

*Develops and distributes internal communications regarding upcoming promotions and events via social media and other marketing materials. 

*Monitors daily spending and invoice status to ensure total costs are within the established budget and routinely coordinates with the Parks Director before, during and after event purchases. 

*Maintains inventory of displays and other equipment needed for upcoming events and promotions. 

*Addresses staff and guest questions and/or complaints in a professional manner and works to reach a timely resolution. 

*Arranges entertainment or guest speakers for events and promotions, as approved. 

*Assists with vendor contract negotiations. 

*Prepares reports, presentations or other materials as appropriate per event. 

*Leads the promotion or event from concept to clean up and every detail in-between. 

*Assesses promotions and events to ensure employee understanding, guest satisfaction, budget alignment and profitability. Perform other duties as assigned.

STANDARDS OF PERFORMANCE

Demonstrate informative and professional assistance when working with vendors, co-workers, and the public. Act independently and originate new procedures and new approaches to problems. Display excellent verbal and written communication skills. Maintain initiative to preserve the flow of work. Work under stress and with commitment to deadlines. Sustain interpersonal relationships which encourage openness, candor and trust, both internally and with the general public. Complete projects and/or reports in accurate and timely manner. Maintain City information in a confidential manner.

MENTAL AND PHYSICAL REQUIREMENTS

Ability to work as a team member. Display professional appearance, warm demeanor and positive attitude. Be a motivated self-starter. Work independently and to be accurate, efficient and organized. Manage multiple tasks simultaneously. Work under pressure with time constraints in a changing environment. Stand, walk, sit, reach with hands and arms, climb, balance, stoop, kneel, crouch or crawl occasionally. Lift and/or move up to 25 pounds occasionally. Specific vision abilities required by this position include close vision, distance vision, color vision, peripheral vision, and the ability to adjust focus.

WORKING ENVIORNMENT AND CONDITIONS

This position requires working in the internal and external environment. This position requires a flexible work schedule; night and/or weekends may be required.

EDUCATION, EXPERIENCE AND TRAINING

Minimum of high school diploma required; some college preferred. One to two years events, promotions or marketing experience preferred. Previous customer services experience. Ability to effectively communicate both orally and in written form. A pleasant, friendly, and outgoing demeanor. Experience in Microsoft Office products, specifically Word, Excel, and Outlook required. Ability to handle a high volume of activities and/or events simultaneously. Willingness to take on additional tasks as assigned.

EQUIPMENT AND TOOLS

Computer and peripherals. Event and Promotions Equipment. Recreational equipment. Aquatics equipment.

City of New Albany - 3 days ago

View job

Last one, I promise: For his next amazing trick, an inflatable TIF area?

When life gives you absurdity, make satire -- not Kool-Aid. Here's a view from last evening, as borrowed from social media.

Inflatable Date Night is ultimate proof that Deaf Gahan seeks to emulate Rev. Moon with a hip new campaign finance baby boom.

Look, guys -- it's Inflatable Date Night! Ultimately, and unfortunately, this is how Deaf Gahan is spending your tax dollars.

Look, guys -- it's Inflatable Date Night! Ultimately, and unfortunately, this is how Deaf Gahan is spending your tax dollars.

It's been advertised on social media with promoted posts for weeks, and occupies space on the City Hall website navigation bar alongside street closures and the calendar of events.

Folks, meet your city government, hard at work spending your tax dollars.

ULTIMATE DATE NIGHT

Are you tired of the same old "dinner and a movie" for your date night out? Are you looking for something fun, unique, and new? Come join us at this year's ULTIMATE DATE NIGHT! This 21+ over event features adult-sized inflatables, card games, and more! Our friends from District 22 Pizzeria will be on hand serving pizzas and adult beverages to keep you refreshed and ready for more fun!

ULTIMATE DATE NIGHT is only $5 at the door!

Of course, if no one shows up, inflatable crowds also can be rented.

It's called preserving the sanctity of the photo op, and they'd be no more air-headed than most of the Floyd County Democratic Party's leading elements, but let's have a look at some of the inflatable charms awaiting Deaf's chosen hardy-partying demographic.

Hippo Chow Down

Backyard Derby

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Obstacle Challenge

Soccer Darts

And Team Gahan's own favorite inflatable frolic ...

The Public Housing Wrecking Ball

Of course, there are problems inherent to inflatables of all types.

There are times when satire alone cannot tell the whole story. This might well be one of those times. But take heart, because there'll be "adult beverages" at Inflatable Date Night.

Speaking of stopwatches, is it time yet to begin discussing the Gahan-created parks department's persistent deficit, and the measures currently being taken to subsidize it?

City Hall goes glib on proposed handicapped-friendly park: "..............."

#InstitutionalizedNonTransparentParanoia
is more like it, wouldn't you say?

When Team Gahan's most recent handicapped-user initiatives turn out looking like this ...

 ... and all the operatives can do is express public confusion over potential repair options ...

There are at least two types of water parks in New Albany: TIF-tastic Showplaces and Inadvertent Crosswalk Meltdowns.

The Board of Public Works and Safety's Mickey Thompson was on hand Monday night to explain that it's all the fault of ADA requirements for handicapped-accessible ramps, and he isn't sure what can be done to correct it. And yet as it pertains to troubled drivers, no stone is left unturned to facilitate passage of automobiles.

 ... it's no surprise to learn the functionaries are on notice to refrain from acknowledging any questions as yet not subjected to formal study in the form of a lucrative contract with HWC Engineering. It's not Red Tape, it's Red Alert -- and you can expect a reply in a year or so, though only when Jeff Gahan is prepared to "present" it.

A group wants to make a New Albany pa‍rk a place for handicapped children to play, by Elizabeth Beilman

Sertoma Club asks for volunteers

NEW ALBANY — A local civic organization is hoping to transform a New Albany park into a place designed with handicapped children and adults in mind.

The Falls Cities Sertoma Club, a local chapter of nationwide nonprofit that preaches "service to mankind," hopes to work with the New Albany Parks and Recreation Department to renovate Sertoma Park.

The 6-acre park located on Mills Lane is mostly greenspace but has a small playground on mulch, a shelter house, a volleyball net and a basketball court.

The local Sertoma Club has chosen this park — named after their group because of their donations in the 1970s — for its vision.

To repeat:

A request to interview the city's parks director sent Monday to the New Albany city operations spokesman was unanswered.

Can someone wake up the editorial board? There's a persistent pattern here, and the reporters see it, though Jeff Gahan's paranoia probably pales in comparison with City Hall's advertising expenditures.

Q. What do Donald Trump's taxes and River Run Family Water Park's financials have in common?

A. Neither will viewed by taxpayers any time soon. 

Just don't mention it to the mayor. Open records make him mean.

We feel for you, CM Blair.

Your council colleague Bob "Plead the Fifth" Caesar pulled the same stunt with the Bicentennial Commission records, and ironically, precisely the same handsomely remunerated municipal mouthpiece kept the books firmly shut.

In other news, the Green Mouse ...

 ... says he has learned the identity of the genetically engineered (hey, Green isn't?) Deaf Gahan mouse.

It's none other than ...

Who'd have guessed?

Nice mustache, though.

View the new Special Event Permit Application for Bicentennial Park, City Square and the Riverfront Amphitheater.

The permit presumably is in draft form and will be rubber-stamped at this morning's Bored of Works meeting. It includes the new city seal that isn't, and contains this interesting paragraph.

While there is no fee for the use of our public parks, donations are accepted for the use of the City of New Albany Bicentennial Park and Riverfront Amphitheater. Contributions support a broad array of recreational activities for residents and visitor as well as helping to maintain our ever evolving park system. Donations made to New Albany parks and Recreation Department are tax deductible.

Why two of the three park units, and not City Square? The document's title includes all three, and the rules are directed at all three.

As this document seems to suggest that the parks department now operates Bicentennial Park and the Riverfront Amphitheater, City Square's omission is a head-scratcher, unless placing it under parks supervision would conflict with Develop New Albany's traditional "tail wags dog" hegemony over the farmers market.

Only the shadowy operatives in the back corridors of New Gahania know for sure.

How many of these signs are illegally placed?

Photo credit: MC.

A: All of them ... unless, of course, the Bored of Works has exempted the parks department from the city's own rules.

But seriously: The street department makes periodic sweeps to remove signs like the ones now being mounted by the parks department.

Shouldn't the rules apply to everyone, equally?

Yeah, I suppose we've been on this tangent for a few years now ... since about 2005. 

Which of these signs comes with a stamp of approval from the Board of Works?

12-foot high street spam? Not a problem, so piss off, spammer.

10 years ago: "Street spam, sign sharks and the sheer joy of litter removal."

Quite a haul of street spam.

Hydrocephalus maladroits: Doggie water park in NA -- for only a quarter million $ more.

Photo credit: The water slide vendor.

On a morning when local media reports Jeffersonville businesses and their patrons expressing optimism about the future now that the downtown bridge is open, and River Ridge coyly hinting at other heavy hitter ... the News and Tribune's account of last evening's City Council meeting speaks for itself. A human water park wasn't enough. Now the mighty Oz must make moisten our dogs, too -- and who better to explain the expenditure than Sancho Panza?

Dog park expansion?

A potential phase 2 expansion of a planned dog park at Cannons Acres Park was presented to the New Albany City Council during a work session before the regular meeting Monday night.

David Duggins, director of redevelopment and economic development for New Albany, said the plan will expand upon $125,000 that was approved for phase one of the project in 2014.

Phase two includes a water line for the dogs, a walking path in the woods near the dog park, a 9-hole frisbee golf course and a water feature for the dogs.

The cost for phase two is $250,000.

The water feature, about 100 feet in diameter, would utilize a sinkhole to create a small pond where dogs could play or go swimming.

David Hall, director of the New Albany-Floyd County Animal Shelter, said it would create a unique feature for dog parks in the region.

Memberships that carry a small fee may be a requirement to be able to use the dog park.

Councilman Scott Blair questioned the location of the dog park and whether or not the area would be better served if a second soccer field was created in the park.

Duggins said the location was chosen working in conjunction with the Parks Department and the slope of the area would not allow for much else.

Video: Lazy River Redux at Binford Park.

"Binford Park, New Albany, where the folks in charge recently spent $1,000,000 largely on grading and grass. It's not as if they weren't warned or didn't know that this happens there a lot. This is what monetization of the local political process buys. Rest assured, the contractors made campaign donations."
-- Jeff Gillenwater

Mailer Wars '15: Gahan's card stock grows in inverse proportion to the shrinkage of his ideas.

Because the ultimate in "family-friendly" is when your grandchildren continue to pay for their childhood delights, even when they're grown and have kids of their own.

McLaughlin: It's far too early to do the math on the water park. Come back in 2034, will ya?

Blair: Parks spending up, but so is revenue from fees

For someone fancying himself an independent, Scott Blair runs a great deal of interference for Jeff Gahan, doesn't he? Perhaps this owes to a shared suburban subdivision view of governance.

Meanwhile, there's a $9 million outlay for the water park, 32,000 visitors without sufficient parking owing to the absence of advance planning, a neighborhood street network snarled, and a parks budget in excess of $2 million.

According to my Texas Instruments Abacus, that's $448,000 in admission fees assuming each of them came at the top rate of $14.00, which means the real total is far less. Throw in some chips and soda sales, and the full-time salary for a part-time facility.

Oops -- now it's flashing different numbers: TILT.

New Albany council members positive about city's budget, by Daniel Suddeath (Pop-Up Cornucopia)

NEW ALBANY — More will be known about operating expenses for River Run Family Waterpark once the aquatic center has been open for a full season, New Albany city officials said Wednesday.

But while there may be some unknowns in terms of expenses, City Councilmen Pat McLaughlin and Scott Blair said they feel confident the New Albany Parks Department, and the city as a whole, are on solid financial ground.

Jeff Gahan explains pop-up TIFs and trickle-down parks.

10 reasons why Jeff Gahan's quarter-million dollar farmers market fluff job is wrong for New Albany.

It squanders irreplaceable infill residential potential on what might be a signature downtown corner – at a time when City Hall insists that such infill is a priority.

As such, it offers yet another example of disjointed, congratulatory-plaque-ready “thinking” that does not adhere to a coherent, self-reinforcing master plan.

It blatantly contradicts City Hall’s publicly stated intent to wait for the Speck street study before making a decision.

It blatantly contradicts the city council’s publicly stated position in favor of waiting for the Speck street study.

It reinforces Jeff Gahan’s enduring (and increasing disturbing) contempt for pluralism and public discussion.

It provides yet another example of Jeff Gahan’s enduring (and increasingly disturbing) penchant for edicts as rubber-stamped through clandestine activity with appointed boards, as opposed to public votes taken by elected officials.

It plainly rewards the wrong merchants, given that any money given to farmers (and to most vendors) does not remain in the city.

It just as plainly reminds us that as yet, there is no coherent downtown economic development plan to reward the right merchants, namely the ones who have invested in downtown, rather than loaded a truck with tomatoes from Orange County.

It may not even reward Develop New Albany, which for its many terminal faults has managed to steward the farmers market successfully, but likely now will see the market come under the control of the city parks department.

As such, City Hall’s latest exculpatory explanation that $250,000 will buy a facility suitable for use not only as a farmers market, but also as a likely parks department-controlled venue for other events (a) once again points to the unsuitability of Bicentennial Park as a venue; (b) once again points to the ongoing neglect of the Riverfront Amphitheater; (c) once again is an inefficient use of city property better saved for infill; and (d) once again testifies to City Hall’s proclivity for scattershot political appeasement rather than coherent, interlinked progress.

Now, ten links.

Farmers Market expenditure: Nash, Board of Works rubber stamp flat Duggins "wait" lie.

Gahan now "open" to street changes in Speck study initiated by Gahan.

In which it is revealed that the farmers market expansion will be delayed a year pending further review.

Council and city hall in unison: "New Albany Farmers Market project not high on priority list."

Multitudinous farmers market. Zero permanent infrastructure.

Applying the Bloomington solution to New Albany's farmers market.

On the farmers market in Bloomington, and how smart things make us look dumb.

Mrs. Baird inadvertently reveals the crux of the $321K farmers market lotto: "There was not a lot of discussion about it."

The farmers market in Madison WI lacks facilities. No one goes there any longer because it's too crowded.

DNA can come out of the farmers market dust-up smelling like the proverbial rose. All it needs to do is follow this script.

Little League snorer: Gahan's tiny tot baseball analogies argue against his own swimming pool fixation.

Mayor Jeff Gahan's argument that underprivileged inner city children stand to be disenfranchised by a county-dominated Little League park on the outskirts appears almost reasonable at first glance. There are grains of truth to it. And yet selectivity always applies, doesn't it?

Baseball for a  relative handful, vs. recreation for the many children who won't ever play organized sports?

An ongoing obsession with parks, vs. everyday infrastructure improvements that would benefit the quality of life for more children than just those playing sports?

Can we do things to help improve their minds, too? Might this lift the community in ways that extend slightly beyond civic pride when a team miraculously advances in the tournament?

Embarrassingly (and predictably), Gahan's pro-inner city baseball argument eloquently weighs AGAINST the stated justifications for his own aquatics center, which is intended as the crowning glory of a parks-first "quality of life" program that no one can remember ever being part and parcel of Gahan's mayoral run.

Clearly, a city parks empire has been the main thrust of Gahan's term to date. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with that, apart from its gaping absence during the campaign, and of course the multitudinous contradictions inherent in declaring certain areas deserving of special park-related QOL TLC, while the possibilities of deploying the city's entire street and road system toward precisely the same purpose are pushed to a seemingly perpetual back burner.

Frankly, it's also disappointing that Jeff Speck would choose this of all situations to lend his prestigious voice. Perhaps he doesn't yet understand the timidity with which this administration is likely to "implement" his recommendations, and the cowardly politics of heavy pass-through trucking fellatio currently driving City Hall's non-street passivity. It would be interesting to know Speck's view on the aquatics center.

Yet again, plans and expenditures are calibrated on "bread and circus" assumptions: You'll forget all about the annoyances of daily life in New Albany if you're given a few part-time bells and whistles: A park here, a concert there, Harvest Homecoming's annual pillage of downtown, a "dilapidated" building's removal in favor of cheaply built houses that City Hall couldn't bother telling us about until after the fact.

There are opportunity costs associated with these backroom decisions, and because they're kept as non-transparent as possible, too little public input is received. What might have been done differently for greater gain? It's never about the daily undertow, and always about "special" achievements of the sort upon which plaques can be affixed and Democratic Party fundraising prefigured.

Plastic whiffleball bat, meet Felix Hernandez.

Gahan: Little League struck out looking with new park; City offered essentially same plan at no cost to Little League, by Daniel Suddeath (Jeffersonville Examiner)

NEW ALBANY — If the goal of New Albany Little League is to better serve the entire city by constructing a new complex outside the municipal limits, the organization has struck out, Mayor Jeff Gahan said.

In fact, it was essentially “rung up looking,” to use a baseball analogy, by moving forward with a plan that will isolate disadvantaged kids from Little League’s main facility, he said Friday in response to recent approvals by municipal boards of the organization’s proposal.

Doom and gloom beneath the rotted kitchen formica as city, county agree to demolish the North Annex.

Actually, they didn't agree -- yet, but it's looking like a done deal. I'd much rather save the Annex and demolish Wal-Mart; after all, the 800-zillion pound gorilla's ten years probably is approaching, signalling a move to Edwardsville or Birdseye.

New Albany hopes to develop pool at Community Park; Floyd County to keep sports center in agreement reached Tuesday, by Daniel Suddeath (That 'Bama Show)

New Albany will be responsible for the costs of building, maintaining and operating the aquatic center if it comes to fruition. An important side note to the agreement is that the city and county would jointly split the costs to demolish any structures on the property necessary to construct the aquatic center.

Demolition could include the North Annex building, which has been vacant since the Floyd County Youth Shelter and solid waste office moved to the Pine View Government Center.

A plan and statement released by the city and county Tuesday didn’t include exact details for demolitions or construction of the aquatic center. The plan did specify the division of parks equipment and property.

There's an interesting addendum within Grace Schneider's C-J coverage:

 ... The deal also calls for the city to “provide support of the county’s proposed public plaza concept near the aquatic center on the existing annex property at Sam Peden.

Obviously, we can kiss the Annex goodbye. Too bad that somewhere, tacked on the pool and baseball field bonds, there isn't a spare million or so not otherwise allotted for maintenance of Bob Caesar's driveway up Silver Hills that we might use to complete a few streets.

Parks Agitprank: What do you mean it wasn't "political"? Irv Stumler was there, for chrissakes.

Here's the plan: "The current Parks Department model entered into beginning in 1994 has contributed to a blatant and ongoing inequality in funding by Floyd County to Agreement."

Here's what happened on Friday:

... In front of the City-County Building, a group that included local business leaders, attorneys and elected officials gathered to make a final push to the New Albany City Council to strike down a proposal to split the joint parks department.

Toward the end of the press conference, NA-FC Parks Board Chairman Scott Klink was interrupted while addressing the media by Councilman Dan Coffey, who voted for the split on first and second readings last month and is the sponsor of the measure to divide the department.

Here's what Mayor Gahan had to say:

Gahan released a statement on the press conference Friday, as he called it “an obvious political stunt.”

“Election day jitters have forced county officials to make promises that are in complete contradiction to both their recent actions and public statements,” Gahan said. “My plan is the best way to improve parks and recreation here in New Albany, and I encourage everyone to visit our website to read it.”

Here's what CM Kevin Zurschmiede had to say:

"I think the county has put forth a lot of effort to equalize their funding."

Here's what I have to say:

Kevin, my dear man, exactly why was it that the county HAD to out forth effort to equalize funding if that's what it was SUPPOSED to do in the first place?