ON THE AVENUES: A week that was wooden like Pinocchio and dry as an unused water park or an unfilled glass.

This is what happens when you realize (a) the draft of your weekly column isn't writing itself, and (b) the Green Mouse already has 900 words for the weekly Nawbany news wrap.

Besides, I've mostly stuck to my pledge to refrain from telling the truth about local affairs, a task made easier by the pandemic-borne restrictions and the general weirdness following in their wake. It's time to loosen up a little, a la Holcomb.

Consequently, this week ON THE AVENUES and GREEN MOUSE presents NAWBANY WEEK IN REVIEW have merged.

And what a wild damn week this proved to be.

Friday afternoon Governor Eric Holcomb chose the international May Day celebration to announce a five-stage plan to reopen Indiana almost entirely by July 4 -- probably a coincidence, that national holiday of a date. There are so many moving parts to it that the Green Mouse prefers to return at a later date and explain ... once the drugs have worn off.

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On Thursday, as ever wishing to appear like he's socking it to those nasty Republicans, Mayor Jeff Gahan released one of his patented, socially distant videos -- because when you're agoraphobic, your whole life has been about keeping others as far away as possible.

Except that in this video, Gahan failed utterly to find his footing.

The upbeat ebullience and jingoism no longer comes naturally. He can still come out with the same words, but he can no longer even bring himself to believe them. For the first time in his life, there are signs of self-doubt. When he looks in the mirror, he now sees his reflection beginning to fragment. His persona that has been carefully constructed over 55 years to protect himself from the pain of being himself is falling apart. Yet still he can’t quite access the humility that might go some way to healing himself.

Okay, so the preceding passage was lifted word for word from The Guardian, speaking not of Gahan, but Prime Minister Boris Johnson. However, the parallels are both instructive and striking.

With nothing whatever to do for six weeks since pandemic curve-flattening measures were imposed -- just about all of the responses have come from GOP-controlled county, state and federal governments -- the congenitally bunker-bound mayor seemed wooden, listless and uninspiring.

The font on his cheat sheet may have been too small. He also seemed distracted and sad, as if in mourning.

What about the odd ball cap -- can you make it out?

Yep, it's a municipal parks and recreation logo, right there on Gahan's pate covering, but why this of all things?

In the current time, shouldn't it be an ambulance driver's emblem, or a first responder's or hospital nurse's?

Ever since 9-11, when every politician started popping up dressed like firemen and cops, symbolism like this is carefully scripted -- and we already know that Gahan can't so much as take out the trash without post-it notes.

The answer, of course, is that the mayor surely is mourning. 

At a time when numerous townspeople are suffering, jobs have been lost, social inequalities exposed and the groundwork laid for pervasive revolution, the primary reason for Gahan's video Thursday was to inform his adoring public (cue the somber violins) that there cannot possibly be a season this summer for the River Run Family Water Park, our glorious aquatic center.

Fabric is torn and teeth ground together. The coronavirus dunnit, ya know.

Goat herders in Kosovo understand that the parks and recreation department is Gahan's baby, with a budget that went in a very few years from zero to somewhere around $3 million. Right now, with these park units mostly closed and the majority of functions suspended by the pandemic, the mayor's baby is under siege.

Not a word in six weeks about the homeless, the hungry or the vulnerable. But there's a video lamenting the enforced absence of a three-month water sports calendar at a catastrophically expensive facility built to cater to the better-off among us.

Bizarrely, seeing as River Run has hemorrhaged tax dollars since inception, even in the best of climate-altered Ohio Valley heat waves, keeping it closed and eliminating operating expenses might actually save the city money in 2020, even if we continue making the bond payments (assuming the city has the spare change lying around to do so).

We shouldn't assume that. At last Gahan faces a crisis, and if he somehow bluffs his way through the pandemic, there's the Sherman Minton idiocy coming next year.

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I thought occurrred to me, and I did a Google search: When was the last news item in which "HWC Engineering" and "New Albany Indiana" both appeared?

You'll really love this: it was in the Seymour Tribune in December, 2019.

After 12 years as mayor of Seymour, Craig Luedeman will embark on a new career in 2020.

Luedeman, 43, has been hired by HWC Engineering in Indianapolis. He will serve as a community business development manager for the firm beginning Jan. 6.

HWC is a full-service planning and infrastructure design firm with offices in Terre Haute, New Albany, Lafayette and Muncie. Although he will be based out of the Indianapolis office, he’ll be working remotely from his home, too, and will have to travel a lot, he said.

“Basically, I’ll be going to cities and counties and communities and trying to help them with getting grants and any kind of business development HWC does as far as transportation, bridges, wastewater, stormwater, all those areas and design services,” he said.

He will meet with mayors and other leaders across the state to discuss projects they may have and how HWC can assist with getting those projects accomplished.

Wondering what Slick Jeffie would be doing now if David White or Mark Seabrook had beaten him in 2019? Look homeward, Seymour, and remember this graphic from last year's mayoral campaign.

So, are Gahan's well-heeled revolving corporate donors (including but not limited to HWC) now lining up to contribute to local relief efforts in a time of 20% unemployment?

Is Mayor Gahan reminding them about the optics?

You know, "hey, um, guys -- well, thinking back to all that pay-to-play money you gave me, then I gave tons more of it back to you, um, uh, couldn't you maybe, like, send a little of it this way, you know, to taxpayers in their time of need?"

A city shakes with laughter. The mere thought prompts hilarity. Which comes first, being unable to imagine Gahan ever once thinking to ask them, or those well-dressed campaign donors conveniently failing to conceive of the idea on their own?

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But wait -- there's much more.

For instance, it appears that Extol Magazine now owns a stake in the New Albany Housing Authority. Hard to miss a privatization of such size; has Ben Carson already cashed the check?

I blame it all on COVID.

It's the NAHA monthly newsletter at the Joomag website, boasting a new cult of overpaid administrative personality in the offing, and I'm sure the official explanation will include trite Business First-speak about strategic partnerships in communications, synergy, and charitable backpack blessings.

Still, this would constitute a relationship, and ever since January 1, lifelong Republican Jason Applegate is destined to find these LinkedIn affairs troublesome owing to a nagging topic called "ethics."

Presumably he still owns Extol, and may or may not continue to serve as the magazine's chief ad sales person during the first year of his term as Democratic councilman-at-large.

As such, any connection whatever between the business affairs of a public agency like NAHA, with its yahoo poobah and sycophantic board both appointed by the mayor, and an outside entity owned by an elected official like Applegate is deserving of scrutiny.

Donald Trump may be president, and Gahan persist as mayor-for-life, but conflicts of interest have not magically disappeared from the planet. The newspaper in its pathetic death throes won't help us, pandemic or otherwise. Rather, ordinary citizens must keep their eyes fixed on the clique's gyrations, and demand answers to their pertinent questions.

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There's yet another news item: our new three-story tall anchor symbol on the south side of the parking garage. It's horrendous, but there is consolation in the absence of Dear Leader's gleaming mug.

Oft times in the past I've joked about the way Team Gahan's fondness for anchors has resulted in ubiquitous imagery alarmingly similar to the vainglorious shambles of Mussolini's Italy, spreading like a virus throughout the city.

For those just tuning in, all these anchors weren't ever submitted for approval to the city council -- and we already have had a city symbol on the books. But David "Bag Man" Duggins, previously referenced above as the newly buttoned-down overlord of NAHA, thought anchors looked cute.

Hamster wheels spun, a "marketing device" was born, and now we're drowning in the inanity of its ceaseless citywide repetition. The governing clique routinely scoffs at me for mentioning Mussolini's name, and yet the plain fact that few of them have bothered reading books implies an unfamiliarity with the way totalitarian systems use symbols. It's precisely the same, as with Gahan's parks department cap.

However, at this late date it has become evident that I may have been wrong slightly mistaken all along. It was pointed out to me recently that anchors can symbolize conditions quite apart from being deployed at water's bottom to prevent forward progress.

Life, stability, a connection: over time, it was only natural that the anchor became a symbol of love. This object is often depicted as a symbol of fidelity: the anchor gets firmly planted into the bottom of the ocean floor and provides the ship with the stability it needs. This is the same stability that two people who are in love with each other rediscover day after day.

Many couples get matching anchor tattoos to symbolise their eternal love. Or they wear jewelry embellished with this meaningful nautical symbol.

Turns out that Duggins is a devotee of the Hallmark Channel.

Anchor soft as an easy chair
Anchor fresh as the morning air
One anchor that is shared by two
I have found with you

Who'd have guessed?

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Recent columns:

April 23: ON THE AVENUES: Hemingway in a time of mercifully silent thunder.

April 16: ON THE AVENUES: Bunker mentalities, bunker abnormalities; bunker dreams, bunker screams.

April 9: ON THE AVENUES: #VoteEwwNoMatterWho, or when being realistic means being radical.

April 2: ON THE AVENUES: Pandemic, pornographic, pecksniffian. Just three random words until the booze kicks in.

A fascinating and timely human interest story at Extol Magazine

For those who are unfamiliar with Extol Magazine: "Celebrating Southern Indiana – and beyond. Find us in print at 500+ locations throughout Southern Indiana and Louisville or online." The magazine is published bimonthly.

A LESSON OF LOSS AND GAIN (a first-person account by Southern Indiana resident Sally Hughes, at Extol Magazine)

IN APRIL 2013, I did something that millions of women have done, seemingly without consequence, but for me it would turn out to be a life-altering decision  ...

A reader writes, we answer: "Roger, when you ran for mayor, didn't Extol Magazine have a profile about you?"

Frequent reader R writes: "Roger, when you ran for mayor, didn't Extol Magazine have a profile about you?"

R, you have a long memory, indeed. I'd completely forgotten about it. The story was in one of the 2015 editions, early in the magazine's existence,, and I believe Angie Fenton wrote it.

Fortunately the page in question can still be viewed on-line: Roger Baylor

Love him or loathe him, there’s no denying Roger Baylor is passionate about New Albany ...

 ... While he’ll always be revered as a veteran zythologist (the man knows beer), he’s now known for speaking up about what’s occurring in the New Albany – often and loudly – and unapologetically sharing his perspective, even if that means taking to his blog to skewer those involved.

Baylor also has taken plenty of heat himself. “I have people who call me all kinds of non-flattering names, but I would hope that right or wrong, I throw punches, I get knocked down, I get back up and I keep throwing punches. … I hope that somebody would say, ‘He does a good job of standing up for what he believes,’ even if they didn’t agree.”

Blurred lines: Extol's "End of Summer Bash" and the Southern Indiana Community Housing Corporation's "charitable" status prompt the reincarnation of Lt. Columbo.

It's a good thing when local magazines sponsor free community gatherings. Naturally blog readers are encouraged to support this Extol function and events like it. Go there, have fun, and rock on.

I'm taking great pains to make it clear that what you're about to read is not blanket criticism, or a call to boycott anything, or some sort of hatchet job. It isn't, not at all.

Rather, as Lieutenant Columbo once said, "There are a couple of loose ends I'd like to tie up."

On the surface of it, surveying the obvious synergies implied by the fest's sponsors, just about all of it is benign and sensible.

For instance, there's participation from New Washington State Bank, which is about to make its presence felt downtown by occupying space in the former Jimmy's Music Building, which is being remodeled by Steve Resch, whose son Jacob is an outstanding musician booked to play the fest.

It makes perfect sense.

There are invaluable community assets like the Horseshoe Foundation and SoIn; the tourism bureau and Extol collaborate to publish the annual area visitor's guide.

They make perfect sense, too.

The fest's sponsors include AllTerrain Paving, a company whose profile recently has risen markedly via aggressive bids on Team Gahan's local construction projects. The company has ties to Neace Ventures, and the latter also has had past involvement with Extol as an investor. Denton Floyd is in charge of the Reisz Building/City Hall project and previously had the brief for Mansions on Main in the former M. Fine Building.

Perfect sense as well.

Of course, both AllTerrain and Denton-Floyd (as well as John Neace of Neace Ventures) have donated heavily in the past to Mayor Jeff Gahan's campaign finance fund, and if I'm not mistaken, they've all also made election tithes to the (unsuccessful) county commissioner and (ongoing) at-large city council campaigns of Jason Applegate, who with wife Angie Fenton is the owner of Extol and the sales agent for the magazine.

Regular readers know that we pay close attention to campaign finance, and yet all of the preceding strikes me as boilerplate. Movers move and shakers shake; so it goes in any small city, and readers may draw their own conclusions, if any. Thus far, there's not much to see.

Still, echoing Columbo once again, "there's just one more thing." 

Extol identifies the non-profit Southern Indiana Community Housing Corporation as a "charity" worthy of inclusion in the bash's charitable outreach. Proceeds and donations will be disbursed to SICHC ("benefiting the residents of NAHA"), WHAS Crusade for Children and USA Cares via Extol Charities, a fund of the Community Foundation of Southern Indiana.

However SICHC is by no means an autonomous "charitable" organization. It is an appendage of the New Albany Housing Authority, itself captive to Jeff Gahan's staffing and board appointments, several of whom have board seats on both entities, NAHA and SICHC.

This is a charity? In a world where Bud Light is called "beer," I suppose anything is possible when mangling semantics. As non-profits go, SICHC's involvement as a "charity" is stretching the limits of propriety.

I'm told that SICHC originally was set up by deposed NAHA chieftain Bob Lane as a means of advancing voucher housing off site of the various NAHA properties. It may also have been necessary in legal terms to make applications for tax credit-driven projects Lane was pursuing to regenerate NAHA's physical plant -- these being the projects Gahan vehemently rejected in the run-up to the mayor's seizure of NAHA and subsequent firing of Lane.

Of course Gahan's choice to replace Lane was the woefully unqualified (and overpaid) David Duggins, previously Gahan's chief fixer at Redevelopment, where Duggins took great care to involve entities ... yes, like Neace Ventures, AllTerrain Paving and Denton-Floyd in big-money redevelopment projects.

Did Extol consider all this?

Glancing at Elevate, we see that whatever else SICHC does to "benefit" residents of NAHA, it is the owner of eight or nine small properties around town (many tied to the abortive Linden Meadows project) and one very large one: Cross Creek Apartments on Green Valley Road.

It's hard to see SICHC as a "charity" worthy of inclusion in Extol's festival, and so I sent multiple messages to both Applegate and Extol asking for this relationship to be clarified. Neither of them have replied. 

There may be a simple answer, but if so, it isn't being given, at least yet, although this does explain Applegate sightings at the NAHA administrative offices.

If we still pretend to believe in something approximating journalism, my question is a legitimate one to ask of Extol. Why is SICHC being referred to as a charity when there is so much relevant background being ignored?

Applegate seems oblivious to the plain fact that wearing multiple hats has a way of blurring lines and prompting legitimate questions. After all, he's the owner of a media outlet who sells ads to many of these entities, and he's a candidate for local office as an open and enthusiastic supporter of a corrupted mayor whose only real platform is political patronage tied to campaign donations and pay-to-play chicanery ... and who advertises heavily in Extol.

Speaking for myself, I have no personal grievances"against" anyone mentioned here, even the ones immersing themselves in Gahan's soiled web. Rather, my grievance is with the process as we've grown to tolerate it, and it's critical to remember that most folks hereabouts never wanted local government to be about dark money to such a large extent that we're obliged to spend time following it to the sources.

Unfortunately the political patronage system that always bubbled on low heat has been injected with steroids by Gahan, Adam Dickey, Warren Nash and other exalted Democratic Party functionaries, and consequently we've come to a place where the money must be followed.

I regret it this mess, but I didn't create it, and since "real" journalists like Chris Morris and Susan Duncan refuse to ask these questions, I will, if for no other reason that stubbornness. As Morrissey once observed, the more you ignore me, the closer I get.

I earnestly encourage Applegate and/or Extol to provide an answer, and we'll provide space here for it, free from extraneous commentary on my part.

Better yet, maybe just commission the esteemed David Duggins to write it, given that SICHC's involvement probably was his idea to begin with.

Branding Gahan's "sweet spot," part one: Power-hungry mayor thinks he IS New Albany, but aren't we better than that?

Part two here.

You'd think that after almost eight full years, the luminaries at the pinnacle of the municipal food chain would be able to settle on a slogan, or at least some semblance of a consistent message for use in telling the world about New Albany.

The latest full-page (might as well be a) campaign advertisement in Extol reveals the bar of creativity at low ebb. It is pictured above.

"The new New Albany sets the bar for quality of life."

Oh dear. Quality like this?

Okay, so words typically fail them, but we have anchors galore (you'll recall they're dropped from ships when the captain desires to cease moooving forward) -- and Jeff Gahan's face, as ubiquitous as unenforced ordinances.

Regular blog readers know that certain questions fascinate us, like this: How many tax dollars are necessary to "find your personal Gsweet spot in the new New Albany?"

Let's hope the mayor plumped for the six-issue discounted rate of $8,850, a savings of almost $2,000 yearly. Verily, the more tax dollars Gahan spends promoting himself, the more he saves in the sense of fewer withdrawals from his own whopping campaign finance haul. 

Of course, we already know Gahan's most cherished of sweet spots: Money, power and control.

Gahan's own obsessions run primarily to slobbering in the presence of powerful special interests who write him campaign finance checks, and he has shown little ability to inspire genuine affection on the part of regular townspeople. Still, some of them devour the Rice Krispies Treats and chug the Kool-Aid ...

... By the standards of a small city with a quarter of its residents existing below the poverty line, Gahan has hoarded a vast stock of power. He wields it autocratically with almost no input from outside the ruling circle, and buttresses his power by means of a ludicrous personality cult reflecting a former veneer salesman's abrupt makeover from regular guy to flawless genius.

Here's the way a patronage machine operates. The guy who owns HWC Engineering cuts Gahan his annual pay-to-play check.

Gahan banks a portion of it, then donates to the campaign efforts of local Democrats.

This leaves $1,500 -- and a quarter-page ad in Extol costs only $600, assuming Gahan paid for it out of his own petty cash and not the city's.

Look, we all know that Jason Applegate is the co-owner of Extol. There's absolutely NOTHING necessarily illegal, immoral or unethical about Jason accepting advertising for his magazine and donations for his 2019 campaign from the very same mayor.

Rather, the preceding facts are intended to show the way that movers and shakers in a small city like New Albany routinely scratch each other's backs, and readers may draw conclusions as they will -- or not.

In my view, it's all about the way Gahan sees the city as his possession, and the strange habit of authoritarian "leaders" looking in their mirrors and seeing the Godhead instead of the bald head.

In part two, a closer look.

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I'm voting for David White.

Democratic mayoral candidate David White understands that change begins with a whole lotta scrubbing, and NA Confidential advocates just such a deep civic cleansing. 

After eight years on the job, Mayor Jeff Gahan's list of stunning "achievements" is long, indeed: tax increases, budgetary hide 'n' seek, self-deification, daily hypocrisy, public housing takeover, non-transparency, pay-to-play for no-bid contracts, bullying city residents and bullying city employees. Eight years is enough. It's time to drain Gahan's swamp, flush his ruling clique and take this city back from Gahan's Indy-based special interest donors. 

NA Confidential supports David White for Mayor in the Democratic Party primary, with voting now through May 7. 

All about Paul Kiger in Extol.

There's an excellent profile of Paul Kiger in the most recent issue of Extol. I'd credit the writer, but didn't notice a byline.

Paul probably is most famous for selling my mom's house, but he's done some other things, too.

Read all about them at the web site.

Free at Last | Paul Kiger

Local real estate guru Paul Kiger was a force of nature, a whirlwind of energy. But much of that was focused on running from demons, until he came clean and focused on himself.

Earache My Eye: Check out Deaf Gahan's full page Anchor Marriage ad in Extol's wedding issue.

This one had to cost taxpayers a pretty penny.

There's just something about the combination of personality cults and lavish weddings that leads a Green Mouse to guess that very soon, Jeff Gahan will be borrowing a page from Rev. Moon's playbook and repurposing Bicentennial Park for mass hitchings.

After the ceremony, he'll "present" a concert or two. Speaking of memories out of nowhere ...

I recall the 1974 album being funnier than the Allmusic reviewer's take; then again, I was 14 years old.

Cheech & Chong's Wedding Album was the first serious misfire for California's best-known pair of stoners. After three albums of trailblazing comedy, Tommy Chong and Cheech Marin inexplicably broke away from the recurring themes and character sketches which had thus far kept fans in hysterics, just waiting to find out what would happen next. No, Wedding Album is a collection of overly simplistic, seemingly leftover bits ("Black Lassie," "The Baby Sitters," etc.) looking for something, anything more substantial to latch onto. But in the end the somewhat inspired "Coming Attractions," along with the album's mandatory musical number, the excellent "Earache My Eye," comprise the only truly essential numbers here.

This tune goes out to the bunker-bound. After last week, they could use a laugh: A purely sadistic week in New Gahania, and even more tales from Corruption Junction.

There's a preview of Pints & Union in the new issue of Extol Magazine.

Extol Magazine's June/July issue is on the street, and there's a preview of Pints & Union. Go here to read it or pick up Extol at the usual locations.

June? Well, maybe. Yesterday Joe Phillips posted this at the P&u FB page:

"Making some adjustments, finishing kitchen and posting a set date within a few days ... "

It's close, the fog of start-up warfare is lifting, and the goal remains to get things rolling as soon as humanly possible. Joe's daughter Roxy put together this stellar poster, and the question mark will be removed quite soon.

Extol Magazine now operating under Neace Ventures.

I don't suppose Neace Ventures is looking for a 33.3% ownership in an Indiana brewery ripe for adaptive reuse?

The Extol Team is thrilled to announce we are now operating under Neace Ventures, which is owned by New Albany businessman John Neace and headed up by the newly-appointed president, Brad Estes. Our sister companies include Old 502 Winery, Louisville City FC, Brownie's "The Shed" Grille & Bar, Falls City Brewing Co., Blue River Cabinetry and many more. This move will allow us to grow and further our mission of celebrating — and serving — the Southern Indiana community ...

... John Neace was the first person to support our dream of starting Extol by becoming our initial investor. He and Vitor Bueno both jumped on ship as minority owners in this venture that was started by Sales Director/Managing Partner Jason Applegate and his wife Angie Fenton, Extol's editor in chief. We are so grateful for this opportunity to grow and further our mission.

And from Angie Fenton:

Jason (Applegate) and I are excited about this recent move. While we still have ownership in Extol Magazine, becoming a part of the Neace Ventures family is only going to give us more opportunity to grow ... Thanks to an incredible team of contractors and our recent hiring of several full-time employees, Extol is on the move in ways we not only dreamt about but have made come to fruition. Now that we're under the Neace Ventures umbrella, Extol's future looks even brighter.