With independent small businesses at risk, no use looking to a panic-stricken City Hall for help.

Always remember -- and never forget -- that in the case of New Albany, even if we're able to struggle back to our feet at any point this year, INDOT is waiting to cave our skulls in a second time with years upon years of Sherman Minton Bridge traffic dislocation.

As the mayor's captive council lackeys only now begin to fathom that they'll be the ones to take the fall for budget catastrophes in the wake of COVID, freeing Jeff Gahan to continue his own hallowed tradition of narcissistic pay-to-play campaign finance monetizing, it's clear that a Democratic-controlled legislative body will be of little help during the coming hard times.

Urban Enterprise Association? It's been annexed and gutted, existing only symbolically.

Develop New Albany? It's theoretically possible, although the organization's umbrella will have to get much bigger and its sad ongoing dependence on Gahan's political needs accordingly smaller.

City Hall as presently configured possesses no experience in dealing with a crisis. The rest of us will have to figure it out ourselves, and DNA needs to be a part of this solution. Exactly how is yet to be seen.

The Hyperlocal Support Small Businesses Need to Recover, by Patrice Frey (Governing)

It may be tempting, in coping with revenue losses brought on by the pandemic, for governments to reduce funding for community economic-development organizations, but it would be short-sighted.

With the recent replenishment of the Paycheck Protection Program, Congress and the Trump administration hope to avert a massive and catastrophic closure of small businesses amid the economic devastation of the COVID-19 crisis. But while the additional funds for the PPP are desperately needed, a successful rebound will require more than a one-time infusion of cash.

State and local elected officials will soon find that they are the next — and last — line of defense in protecting their communities (and tax rolls) from a failure of small businesses at a scale unlike any ever seen in this country. A recent study by our organization found that as many as 7.5 million small businesses are at risk in the coming months, especially those employing fewer than 20 people.

These businesses urgently need hyperlocal support systems that link businesses to resources that will aid them through the next 18 to 24 months. Fortunately, such support systems already exist in thousands of cities and neighborhoods across the country in the form of Main Street Programs, Business Improvement District associations and other kinds of downtown organizations. The local economic-development leaders who head these organizations are typically well known in their communities as trusted sources of information and as "connectors" to business support resources. They are also extremely knowledgeable about their communities' business environments and the local "players," which is invaluable in helping to broker creative solutions to get businesses through challenging times ahead.

And creative solutions will be in high demand. Small-businesses that survive stay-at-home orders, whether aided by the PPP or not, face a long and difficult recovery. Dramatic unemployment figures suggest that many Americans simply won't have the spending power they did before the crisis. Even where consumers are able to spend, their behavior is unlikely to return to pre-pandemic norms anytime soon. After stay-at-home orders are lifted, residual concerns regarding coronavirus transmission are likely to slow the recovery of the restaurants and retail and service businesses that are the heart of communities.

Business owners are likely to encounter a confusing patchwork of local, state, federal and philanthropic funding sources, and they are going to need help identifying suitable programs and navigating often-cumbersome application processes. They will also need advocates in their corner to work with property owners and negotiate lower or deferred rents, and they'll need assistance, where feasible, in transitioning some of their business to e-commerce. On this latter point, our research indicates that approximately two-thirds of small businesses have no online presence, a troubling figure given that online sales are likely to be a lifeline in the coming months.

The risk as state and local leaders look to trim budgets in the coming weeks and months is that they will cut any program that is not directly tied to health, human services and education. We've seen this before, post-Great Recession, when governments reduced or eliminated dollars for local business-support efforts. Such moves are short-sighted and have painful consequences, largely in the form of lost jobs and reductions to state and local revenue from taxes and fees. Ultimately, elected officials in many places elected to restart these programs, acknowledging that aid to local economic-development programs has a return on investment that far exceeds their cost.

In coming budget negotiations, elected officials will be wise to recognize that they are playing the long game in bringing their communities back from COVID-19. We can coax that recovery to a faster and stronger outcome if we can keep the focus of our support as hyperlocal as possible and if we can maintain the connector organizations that help small business on the ground, community by community. Ultimately, modest expenditures to support local economic-development organizations now will deliver a healthier and more stable tax base in the months and years to come.

Election coming, dozens of local issues to discuss -- but look, an Egg Hunt at the News and Tribune!

It's almost as gloriously tone deaf as Cooking School. Ye Gods, who makes decisions like this?

Just as a literally tone-deaf person is unable to comprehend the differences between musical notes, a metaphorically tone-deaf person is unable to comprehend the different facets/nuances of a given situation. A statement such a person makes might also be described as tone-deaf.

It differs from words like ignorant because when you're calling someone ignorant, you're just calling attention to the fact that they do not know; whereas calling someone tone-deaf implies they're incapable of understanding.

GREEN MOUSE SAYS: Were two city employees injured in a sewage treatment plant accident? If so, let's hope they're recovering speedily.

The Green Mouse has been informed that two employees of New Albany's wastewater department were injured by scalding hot water in an incident two weeks ago at the city's sewage treatment plant.

NA Confidential wishes a speedy recovery to both city workers.

Our wastewater department currently is struggling with the ramifications of a raw sewage spill, which was reported in the local chain newspaper.

Speaking of raw sewage leaks ...

However, these two employee injuries, which in the case of one worker are reported to be sufficiently severe to keep him hospitalized, have not been reported by local media sources.

Let's hope Team Gahan is fulfilling its OSHA responsibilities.

Report a Fatality or Severe Injury

• All employers are required to notify OSHA when an employee is killed on the job or suffers a work-related hospitalization, amputation, or loss of an eye.
• A fatality must be reported within 8 hours.
• An in-patient hospitalization, amputation, or eye loss must be reported within 24 hours.

Forgive the Green Mouse for indulging in pure speculation, but if the mayor even bothered visiting the hospital, just imagine the uneasiness and stammering as he grappled with the implications -- not of the injuries, but his chances of being named in the inevitable lawsuits.

The 2019 primary is eight months away. That's why he's there, if at all.

In 2018, DNA's artlessly purloined Taco Tone Deaf Cultural Appropriation Walk moves forward to May 19, with the Frito Bandito returning as Grand Marshal.

Here it comes again -- and a couple months early.

My guess is that the Taco Walk's repositioning in May is intended to replace Team Gahan's moribund "Boomtown" franchise, serving as lead-in to the Bicentennial Park Summer Concert Series, presented by YOU KNOW WHO.

None of this is to suggest that Develop New Albany has publicly addressed either (a) the cultural appropriation it encouraged during last year's version, or (b) the way the organization has flat stolen the idea from the volunteer who brought it to DNA in the first place.

Most recently on January 11, I addressed these matters in my weekly ON THE AVENUES column, a portion of which is reprinted below.

And no: for the ?nth consecutive time, my questions were neither answered nor the inquiry even acknowledged, as if DNA has executive sanction to operate beyond the reach of transparency and common decency.

Which, of course, it does.

#FireGahan2019

---

Jeeebus, nightmares are awful. After all, I seldom drink vodka. Meanwhile, wide awake in Giddy Giddy City, I’ve decided to have one last stab at penetrating DNA’s veil of secrecy – or maybe it is better described as an embarrassment of kitsches?

Following is the e-mail that will be going out to the board, just as soon as I have a beer.

---

To: Develop New Albany’s board and staff person

Greetings,

You may recall my most recent e-mail, asking for Develop New Albany’s perspective on recurring issues pertaining to the Taco Walk.

Sadly, as with the three (four?) e-mails preceding it, I have not received any sort of reply. I wrote my articles without DNA’s input; not my preference, but gratifyingly, these two posts collected some of the highest page view numbers my humble blog experienced in 2017. It seems the community is very interested in Develop New Albany.

Here are the links with excerpts.

December 29: DNA's and the newspaper's masks ... or, thoughts occasioned by an excellent essay called "Meet the man who hides behind a mask"

 ... The volunteer concluded she wasn't happy with the way her idea was implemented -- cultural appropriation was among the reasons for her decision -- and so, working under the assumption the Main Street organization possesses a fundamental sense of decency, she told DNA she'd be taking it back for a future reboot.

Um, nope. Seems the anchor already had been dropped.

DNA wasted no time in sending her packing: Taco Walk belongs to DNA now, and the organization will do with it as it pleases -- and don't bother running to Big Daddy Gahan, because the fix is always in.

And this.

December 31: C'mon, DNA: The time has come. A fact's a fact. Taco Walk belongs to her. Why not give it back?

 ... There is a simple way to resolve the situation.

To begin the New Year on a high note, the truly decent thing for Develop New Albany and Mayor Jeff Gahan to do is to say they're sorry, both for the cultural appropriation and the intellectual property violation, and to give the Taco Walk back to whom it belongs, although I'm forever mindful of that old Biblical observation about a camel and the eye of the needle.

First this. Then we have the open, above board discussion about cultural appropriation. There is no reason why this cannot be resolved satisfactorily.

Basic human decency, guys. I know you can do it.

It's not about me or my pen.

It's about doing the right thing.

I’m planning a letter on this topic to the News and Tribune fairly soon (the absentee Fourth Estate is a whole other story), so please be aware that if there comes a time when DNA elects at long last to speak publicly about this matter – the Taco Walk’s inexcusable cultural appropriation, the subsequent expropriation of another person’s idea, or any sub-topic therein – I’ll happily publish DNA’s thoughts at the blog, standing alone, without any comment on my part.

In other words, please step forward, make the organization’s case and be a part of the dialogue. I wish it were possible to convey to you how much might be accomplished by doing the decent thing in this instance. You could lead by example, but you’re fleeing for the safety of the circled wagons where the mayor pitches his tent.

Can't you just talk about it openly?

Concurrently, several other requests remain outstanding, so kindly allow me to repeat them. Answers would be appreciated.

First, I’m still curious about the disposition of monthly morning merchant meetings. Are they still being held? If so, I’m no longer receiving e-mail notifications about them. To rule out a problem with my current address, allow me yet again to ask that it be changed to this: mayorbaylor(at)gmail(dot)com

Kindly note that I’m actively working as a beer consultant with more than one current and future business owner in downtown New Albany. If for some reason I’ve been banned or excluded from meetings, that’s fine, if misguided, but at least let me know the definitive situation so these business owners can submit their e-mail addresses and be kept within city hall’s “official” (see what I did there, David?) information loop.

Second, on several occasions I’ve asked that Develop New Albany reveal its annual funding level as tithed from the city of New Albany. During my stint on the DNA board a decade ago, it was in the range of $5,000 per annum. I understand DNA is a de facto arm of government these days, so surely the public has a right to know how much it’s costing them?

Thanks for your time. As always, I look forward to an actual reply.

Look, guys -- it's Inflatable Date Night! Ultimately, and unfortunately, this is how Deaf Gahan is spending your tax dollars.

It's been advertised on social media with promoted posts for weeks, and occupies space on the City Hall website navigation bar alongside street closures and the calendar of events.

Folks, meet your city government, hard at work spending your tax dollars.

ULTIMATE DATE NIGHT

Are you tired of the same old "dinner and a movie" for your date night out? Are you looking for something fun, unique, and new? Come join us at this year's ULTIMATE DATE NIGHT! This 21+ over event features adult-sized inflatables, card games, and more! Our friends from District 22 Pizzeria will be on hand serving pizzas and adult beverages to keep you refreshed and ready for more fun!

ULTIMATE DATE NIGHT is only $5 at the door!

Of course, if no one shows up, inflatable crowds also can be rented.

It's called preserving the sanctity of the photo op, and they'd be no more air-headed than most of the Floyd County Democratic Party's leading elements, but let's have a look at some of the inflatable charms awaiting Deaf's chosen hardy-partying demographic.

Hippo Chow Down

Backyard Derby

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Obstacle Challenge

Soccer Darts

And Team Gahan's own favorite inflatable frolic ...

The Public Housing Wrecking Ball

Of course, there are problems inherent to inflatables of all types.

There are times when satire alone cannot tell the whole story. This might well be one of those times. But take heart, because there'll be "adult beverages" at Inflatable Date Night.

Speaking of stopwatches, is it time yet to begin discussing the Gahan-created parks department's persistent deficit, and the measures currently being taken to subsidize it?

New Albany's new slogan: "Truck Through City" ... Part 90: When holograms cry.

Irony, Gahan-style.

On Sunday, just as Boomtown was beginning, Mayor Jeff Gahan sidled over to my Flea Off Market Row booth.

At least, I think it was Gahan. He seemed oddly nonplussed, but at any rate, we chatted briefly. I pointed to the books we were selling, and asked if he was familiar with any of them.

That one, he gestured. "It's a good one."

"Ah, yes indeed," I replied: "Too bad it's taking us far too long to do the right thing."

Gahan registered surprise: "Really? Do you think it's taking too long?"

"Absolutely. Spring Street's a mess, Jeff. It's dangerous for the neighborhood, designed only for pass-through speeding."

"Hmm. Do you think it's dangerous?"

"Yes," I said, "and since the Main Street project started, all the heavy trucks coming over to Spring Street are ruining our quality of life."

Gahan countered: "Really? Do you think they're actually diverting?"

#548 in an ongoing series.

I was beginning to notice a certain pattern in the mayor's responses, and considered making the statement that the moon is crafted from Limburger cheese, only so I could hear him ask me, "do you really think the moon's crafted from Limburger cheese?"

Unfortunately, that's where the conversation ended, because he spotted an old crony and hurriedly departed in mid-sentence. Later he waved back and said, "we'll talk."

Somehow I'm doubtful.