ASK THE BORED: Light-struck animals, rebooted holograms and the tolling land rush coming soon.

To repeat, my humble good intentions have been swept aside by the basic human imperative of self-preservation, and I haven't attended a Board of Public Works and Safety meeting since before the hilarious unpleasantness of November 8, when the local political party branch responsible for appointments, patronage, campaign finance sluice dredging and a gently pervasive wetting of beaks -- in fact, for these very prized seats on BOW, as both institution and the institutionalized -- was handed a vicious, epic bloodbath of an electoral beat-down.

But enough of that. Whether Adam ever acquires the good sense to resign or not, the epochal time draws ever closer, and the minutes of BOW's last few meetings reveals a fervent and renewed desire ...

 ... to avoid the challenge entirely.

However, it is reported that city software engineers are hard at work reprogramming the mayoral hologram to direct snarled traffic and hand out Bicentennial coffee table books to frustrated pass-through motorists who live outside the city limits.

Meanwhile, here are a few inconvenient truths.

When will tolling start? We'll know Tuesday, by Madeleine Winer (Courier-Journal)

Officials will announce when tolling will start on the Abraham Lincoln, Kennedy and East End bridges Tuesday.

RiverLink spokeswoman Mindy Peterson and Clint Murphy, the director of tolling oversight for the Indiana Department of Transportation, will make the announcement at 11 a.m. outside RiverLink's Jeffersonville Customer Service Center, 103 Quartermaster Court. The two will also provide an update on the number of RiverLink accounts opened to date, according to a news release.

Peterson said critical testing of the tolling system is complete, which included end to end testing to make sure toll gantries registered vehicles of different sizes and that tolls were applied appropriately. RiverLink will use all-electronic toll gantries to track vehicles crossing the bridges, meaning no toll booths or coin machines will be used and drivers won't have to stop or wait in lines to pay the toll.

GOLDEN OLDIES: Mega-$$$ hologram improvement project in New Albany receives Redevelopment bond, as well as Dan's and Adam's approval.

豆贝尔维 克斯 吾艾 贼德

How much difference does a year make?

In the case of Jeff Gahan's expanding cult of personality, not much. However, Dan Coffey's trajectory once again has taken a radical turn. From being the mayor's faithful Man Friday, he's reoccupied center stage in the ranks of the opposition, quit the Democratic Party and declared his independence.

This too will change, but in the meantime, here's a reprise from June 24, 2015.

---

NEW ALBANY — Chinese hologram manufacturer Guangzhou Swansong Electronics Co., Ltd. will be allowed to pay “back” up to $4.9 million for a 190,000-wavefront, security-encrypted, completely personalized mayoral re-election image generator with tax-increment financing funds based on a bond issuance approved initially by the New Albany Redevelopment Commission on Tuesday.

According to New Albany Oh So Common Council member Dan Coffey, the bond debt neither will have to be approved by the legislative body, nor reviewed at the redevelopment commission, because since all requisite prayers already have been offered, it would be insulting to both mayor and God to keep gabbing about something that’s already been decided.

“Everything is here. We’ve just got to move forward,” Coffey said.

“Obviously, any kind of talk about a bond issuance for mayoral holograms, you want to know about what kind of illusion it’s going to perpetuate for the bedazzlement of the sheep,” said redevelopment member and Democratic Party chairman Adam Dickey before detailing some of the potential benefits of the upgraded, true-to-life computer imagery, which imbues the mayor with almost human qualities.

The hologram is expected to have a $30 million impact on New Albany over the first five years of the development, and create more than 100 high-paying tech jobs in that time frame.

“This new and modern mimicry addresses New Albany’s long-time need for additional Jeff Gahans downtown,” Mayor Jeff Gahan stated in a news release after the meeting. “Our focus on the business of convincingly reproducing me will maintain my momentum for historic urban core growth in New Albany as it pertains to my ability to not be unduly inconvenienced by meetings, christenings and plaque dedications.”

The city has agreed to provide $500,000 in work and planning for the hologram. The hangar-sized warehouse necessary for the computerized equipment and slide projectors has also garnered a state tax credit worth up to $3.3 million.

The size of the hologram has grown, as the number of Gahans needed to read press releases has increased from 157 to 190. Guangzhou Swansong is expected to purchase additional property, including a neglected rental property nearby that was found to have a deadbeat owner who hadn’t maintained his direct debit payments to the Democratic Central Committee.

The $4.9 million bond would include the cost of haberdashers, financial advisers, makeup artists, bond counsel and other fees associated with the loan. The city will not pay additional funding for the hologram, but will allow the TIF revenue generated to be used by Guangzhou Swansong to pay back the debt.

David Duggins, director of economic development and redevelopment for the city, labeled the issuance a “boilerplate” bond note for re-election campaign expenses. The life of the bond is 20 years, and the city will be required to reserve debt service for the loan long after Gahan is soundly defeated in his coming attempt to oust Ron Grooms from the Indiana State Senate.

Earlier in Tuesday’s meeting, Duggins said the city’s TIF districts “are in excellent ideological shape,” with not a single acre allowed to sport Republican yard signs before May’s primary election.

The city took on an 18-year bond issuance worth $19.6 million to construct River Run Family Water Park, Silver Street Park, and to make improvements to Binford Park. The new family of Gahan action figure holograms will be geared toward individuals drinking $500 of Kool-Aid annually, and will include soothing phrases, registered clichés and fundamentally more terrifying clarity.

Coffey, who is a member of the redevelopment commission, noted his close personal friendship with “my homie” Franklin Graham before saying that the Gahan holograms will help the city attract more residents who know the words to Barry Manilow’s “It’s a Miracle” by heart.

Coffey added that many more re-election expenditures solely designed to take advantage of his longtime mentor’s role to Gahan are sorely needed.

(Apologies to Daniel Suddeath, whose article about the Coyle site development is here)

Dancing with holograms in the pale moonlight.

Photo credit: Jeffersonville Journal

After all, he's a substitute for another guy ...

I'll not begrudge New Albany's governing class its self-congratulatory shindig on Friday, while resolving to hold feet to fire once reality resumes -- and it will.

Thanks to M for the photo, and for sparing me the onerous task of attending.

(Look it up, Shane)

$$$ hologram improvement project in New Albany receives bond, Dan and Adam approval.

豆贝尔维 克斯 吾艾 贼德

(Apologies to Daniel Suddeath, whose article about the Coyle site development is here)

NEW ALBANY — Chinese hologram manufacturer Guangzhou Swansong Electronics Co., Ltd. will be allowed to pay “back” up to $4.9 million for a 190,000-wavefront, security-encrypted, completely personalized mayoral re-election image generator with tax-increment financing funds based on a bond issuance approved initially by the New Albany Redevelopment Commission on Tuesday.

According to New Albany Oh So Common Council member Dan Coffey, the bond debt neither will have to be approved by the legislative body, nor reviewed at the redevelopment commission, because since all requisite prayers already have been offered, it would be insulting to both mayor and God to keep gabbing about something that’s already been decided.

“Everything is here. We’ve just got to move forward,” Coffey said.

“Obviously, any kind of talk about a bond issuance for mayoral holograms, you want to know about what kind of illusion it’s going to perpetuate for the bedazzlement of the sheep,” said redevelopment member and Democratic Party chairman Adam Dickey before detailing some of the potential benefits of the upgraded, true-to-life computer imagery, which imbues the mayor with almost human qualities.

The hologram is expected to have a $30 million impact on New Albany over the first five years of the development, and create more than 100 high-paying tech jobs in that time frame.

“This new and modern mimicry addresses New Albany’s long-time need for additional Jeff Gahans downtown,” Mayor Jeff Gahan stated in a news release after the meeting. “Our focus on the business of convincingly reproducing me will maintain my momentum for historic urban core growth in New Albany as it pertains to my ability to not be unduly inconvenienced by meetings, christenings and plaque dedications.”

The city has agreed to provide $500,000 in work and planning for the hologram. The hangar-sized warehouse necessary for the computerized equipment and slide projectors has also garnered a state tax credit worth up to $3.3 million.

The size of the hologram has grown, as the number of Gahans needed to read press releases has increased from 157 to 190. Guangzhou Swansong is expected to purchase additional property, including a neglected rental property nearby that was found to have a deadbeat owner who hadn’t maintained his direct debit payments to the Democratic Central Committee.

The $4.9 million bond would include the cost of haberdashers, financial advisers, makeup artists, bond counsel and other fees associated with the loan. The city will not pay additional funding for the hologram, but will allow the TIF revenue generated to be used by Guangzhou Swansong to pay back the debt.

David Duggins, director of economic development and redevelopment for the city, labeled the issuance a “boilerplate” bond note for re-election campaign expenses. The life of the bond is 20 years, and the city will be required to reserve debt service for the loan long after Gahan is soundly defeated in his coming attempt to oust Ron Grooms from the Indiana State Senate.

Earlier in Tuesday’s meeting, Duggins said the city’s TIF districts “are in excellent ideological shape,” with not a single acre allowed to sport Republican yard signs before May’s primary election.

The city took on an 18-year bond issuance worth $19.6 million to construct River Run Family Water Park, Silver Street Park, and to make improvements to Binford Park. The new family of Gahan action figure holograms will be geared toward individuals drinking $500 of Kool-Aid annually, and will include soothing phrases, registered clichés and fundamentally more terrifying clarity.

Coffey, who is a member of the redevelopment commission, noted his close personal friendship with “my homie” Franklin Graham before saying that the Gahan holograms will help the city attract more residents who know the words to Barry Manilow’s “It’s a Miracle” by heart.

Coffey added that many more re-election expenditures solely designed to take advantage of his longtime mentor’s role to Gahan are sorely needed.

New Albany's new slogan: "Truck Through City" ... Part 90: When holograms cry.

Irony, Gahan-style.

On Sunday, just as Boomtown was beginning, Mayor Jeff Gahan sidled over to my Flea Off Market Row booth.

At least, I think it was Gahan. He seemed oddly nonplussed, but at any rate, we chatted briefly. I pointed to the books we were selling, and asked if he was familiar with any of them.

That one, he gestured. "It's a good one."

"Ah, yes indeed," I replied: "Too bad it's taking us far too long to do the right thing."

Gahan registered surprise: "Really? Do you think it's taking too long?"

"Absolutely. Spring Street's a mess, Jeff. It's dangerous for the neighborhood, designed only for pass-through speeding."

"Hmm. Do you think it's dangerous?"

"Yes," I said, "and since the Main Street project started, all the heavy trucks coming over to Spring Street are ruining our quality of life."

Gahan countered: "Really? Do you think they're actually diverting?"

#548 in an ongoing series.

I was beginning to notice a certain pattern in the mayor's responses, and considered making the statement that the moon is crafted from Limburger cheese, only so I could hear him ask me, "do you really think the moon's crafted from Limburger cheese?"

Unfortunately, that's where the conversation ended, because he spotted an old crony and hurriedly departed in mid-sentence. Later he waved back and said, "we'll talk."

Somehow I'm doubtful.

The mayor has a video moment -- what will Iamhoosier make of THIS sighting?

Computer-generated images have come a long way, right Mark?

At Fb, I asked the city's social media contractor whether "The Mayor's Minute" was intended to replace "New Albany Now" on the YouTube hit parade.

Came the answer:

Thanks Roger, no, this is supplementary. Let us know if you have a story for us to share.

Something about holograms, maybe?