Not a single tree in this city has a chance so long as David Barksdale and Jeff Gahan wield the chain saws, and Freud would have a field day with the phallic symbolism.

$10 million to alleviate "inhumane" working conditions in the City-County Building, but not a farthing to spend on real people or living trees.

These really are absolutely horrid functionaries. Just horrid.

Three red ribbons have been wrapped around three trees in front of St.Mary’s school on Elm Street. I’ll bet you a dollar against a dozen doughnuts that Councilman Barksdale and Mayor Gahan have them slated for imminent amputation. And our City Forester is ready to comply.

Sad sad sad. One looks at least 40 - 50 years old.

It doesn't stop with yet another clear cut.

Did you read the horrible paragraph on the back of the “Stormwater News”? The “Message from Mayor Jeff Gahan” is a piece of steaming dog shit.

You mean this?

Deforestation hinders the stormwater control effort, but let's not ignore how stupefyingly banal this message reads, although the mayor has a reasonable retort: "Do you really think I write the words my name is attached to"?

Anchor-approved arborist: Perhaps David Barksdale's Tree Bored can use this exciting new toy to "beautify" Market Street.

"Damn," said former redevelopment kingpin David Duggins. "If only we'd used one of these for the Greenway, Summit Springs, Main Street, Judge Cody's place, Thomas Street, Bicentennial Park ... say, do ya think it might work on those crappy buildings at my public housing estate?"

Come to Stump City: Yet another artlessly staged photo purports to show that Deaf Gahan really cares about trees. Problem is, history suggests otherwise.

No single administration in recent memory has felled as many trees as Team Gahan.

No single governing clique in recent memory has failed as often as Gahan's when it comes to making trees a genuine priority during this time of urban heat island awareness.

No single Republican in recent memory has filled as many ground-down stump holes for a Democratic mayor with such enthusiasm as David Barksdale.

No single Tree Board in recent memory has fizzled for so long resisting a legitimate request for meeting minutes (mine dates to May of 2016), although it must be conceded that Bob Caesar holds the record for sheer longevity insofar as refusing to divulge information to taxpayers requesting it.

The following randomly arranged photos depict some of the highlights of Gahan's clear-cutting fetish these past six years. How much more of this strange "love" can the city's tree canopy withstand?

And every now and then, he just pretends.

It doesn't convince anyone.

Previously (August 2017):

Team Gahan has clear-cut virtually the entire city, so it's the perfect time to begin pretending the junta cares about trees.

That's why he's here: Lumberjack-in-chief Jeff Gahan's deforestation of Mt. Tabor Road begins.

The clearcut was delayed a couple of weeks, but the jollies were not to be denied.


ASK THE BORED: It's Mt. Tabor Road's turn to be pillaged as our lumberjack fetishist mayor readies another round of clear-cutting -- for the sake of the cars, of course.

Submitted photos; thanks K.

#FireGahan2019

Post-clearcutting cycle of nourishment: "Shelby Place median in New Albany to get facelift."

Just one Gahan campaign donation from 2015.

2016 Democratic visionaries.

"It looks like Shelby Place soon will be getting a facelift."

Not a probing question asked, not a spade of earth disturbed. Just take their word for it, and move on. Steady rivulets under the radar are how beaks come to be wetted, but it's nothing to a journalist, right?

Fourth Estate?

Let me know if you spot it. It's been missing so long that I fear the worst.

Shelby Place median in New Albany to get facelift, by Chris Morris (Stenographers of the World Unite)

The New Albany Board of Public Works & Safety approved a proposal from T.A. Ginkins Company LLC Tuesday to improve the median landscape and lighting on Shelby.

The plan, which is for $39,447, calls for the removal of existing trees and shrubs which already has taken place and to install new landscaping. The proposal is for new trees, shrubs, soil and brick chips, which was submitted to the city by Grantline Garden Center last July. New lighting and posts will also be added to the median which separates both lanes of the street.

A brick/stone entrance wall facing Vincennes Street, engraved with Shelby Place, also will be installed.

"This will make it 100 percent better. The neighbors are behind the project," City Controller Linda Moeller told the board after reading the proposal.

Terry Ginkins said the planting of the new landscaping, which will be done by Grantline Garden Center, is weather related. He said the entrance will also include an historic designation marker.

"It's going to be a nice little project," Ginkins said. "I think it will look good, but it's right across from New Albany High School so it should look good. A lot of people visit the school."

Your turn, Shelby Place: City Hall's insatiable Husqvarna envy claims a few more trees before year's end.

Your turn, Shelby Place: City Hall's insatiable Husqvarna envy claims a few more trees before year's end.

Top: December 30, 2017.
Bottom: Circa 2014 (Google Maps).

Has any previous mayor of New Albany hated trees as much as Jeff Gahan?

Gahan Doublespeak Blues (Husqvarna Mix): Say goodbye to your trees, Mt. Tabor Road residents, because it's time again to "improve the tree canopy" by flattening a few hundred of them.

Develop New Albany welcomes Summit Springs
to the donor list.

Team Gahan has developed its own peculiar localized variant of Newspeak, with inflections borne of hunker-down-low bunker origins.

 ... George Orwell explains that Newspeak usage follows most of the English grammar, yet is a language characterised by a continually diminishing vocabulary; complete thoughts reduced to simple terms of simplistic meaning.

In Orwell's novel 1984, the term "doublethink" is introduced; when paired with Newspeak, the result is "doublespeak," defined here by political economist Edward S. Herman.

What is really important in the world of doublespeak is the ability to lie, whether knowingly or unconsciously, and to get away with it; and the ability to use lies and choose and shape facts selectively, blocking out those that don’t fit an agenda or program.

The drill has become familiar by now.

For instance, to "improve housing conditions and supportive services" means earmarking half of public housing units for demolition without a coherent plan for rehousing.

Tireless "efforts to improve the tree canopy" means flashing a nice stock photo like this ...

... as scrubbed-clean Disneyesque cover for lubing up the chainsaws to facilitate tree removal, clearcutting and deforestation. Perhaps the finest example of Gahan's skills at doublespeak occurred in 2016, when hundreds of trees were cleared to build a "greenway" safe for speeding motorists.

Residents of Mt. Tabor Road were informed yesterday (December 7) that lumbering begins on Monday, December 11.

Oddly, the fliers were stuck in mailboxes sans stamps, which I'd been told was strictly illegal during my run for mayor in 2016. The Board of Works already had picked and grinned its way through approval for the latest round of destroying the tree canopy to save it.

ASK THE BORED: It's Mt. Tabor Road's turn to be pillaged as our lumberjack fetishist mayor readies another round of clear-cutting -- for the sake of the cars, of course.

It's been four months since the mayor triumphantly announced what amounts to a survey of previously sawed stumps; having felled hundreds and perhaps thousands of trees during the course of his Ceausescu-esque TIF and Green(!)way projects, he'd now prove there was the beginning of the precursor to an embryonic "master" plan to reforest the city by 2065 or so ...

It can't be denied that Jeff Gahan is remaking the city in his own image. What could possibly go wrong when mendacity, narcissism and mediocrity are chief characteristics of the model?

ASK THE BORED: It's Mt. Tabor Road's turn to be pillaged as our lumberjack fetishist mayor readies another round of clear-cutting -- for the sake of the cars, of course.

See, it's right there on the agenda for tomorrow morning's meeting.

But there's more.

Today at Gahanskaya Pravda there occurred what I believe is the auto-erotic (in more ways than one) City Hall rag's first ever reprint.

It's been four months since the mayor triumphantly announced what amounts to a survey of previously sawed stumps; having felled hundreds and perhaps thousands of trees during the course of his Ceausescu-esque TIF and Green(!)way projects, he'd now prove there was the beginning of the precursor to an embryonic "master" plan to reforest the city by 2065 or so.

Okay, okay. We already knew there'd been an anti-climactic midsummer's announcement about a flaccid urban canopy inventory grant that does nothing to dull Gahan's overworked chain saws.

Question: So, why repeat the story four months later?

Answer: Minions at City Hall, who refuse to concede they read NA Confidential, know via telepathy, osmosis or maybe just their surreptitious reading of NA Confidential that NA Confidential dutifully reads the weekly Board of Public Works and Safety packet.

In short, today's rerun was pre-emptive, and all we can say in response is this most heartfelt of sentiments:

Thanks for reading NA Confidential. 

When's the last time they had to work this cleverly in order to upstage, pre-empt or even show the vaguest awareness of the local chain newspaper?

---

Previously: 

BIG LEAK! The Green Mouse has obtained an advance copy of Deaf Gahan's "Long Term Urban Canopy Inventory and Management."

The simple fact is we've all become numb to Jeff Gahan's signature Shade Eradication Program.

Pusillanimous prioritization? Nickels and dimes later, it remains that we need HUNDREDS of trees planted yearly, not a few dozen.

Team Gahan has clear-cut virtually the entire city, so it's the perfect time to begin pretending the junta cares about trees.

Chainsaws are the soundtrack to our anchors: "How Should We Pay for Street Trees?"

Pusillanimous prioritization? Nickels and dimes later, it remains that we need HUNDREDS of trees planted yearly, not a few dozen.

This is what the two Rogers are talking about.

Let's pop the champagne -- the trees have been cleared!

Wait ... two Rogers?

Really?

So it seems. Meet this other Roger, who has written an excellent letter to the otherwise somnolent newspaper.

Need more green space, not less

Have you driven by the Clarksville Municipal Center property facing Veterans Parkway? It is sad to see the destruction of all the lawnscape and trees. We need to have more green space, not less. It is an unobstructed view of blight by our elected politicians in selling public domain land paid for by the taxpayers. Our politicians seem to chase the “almighty dollar.”

I have several questions. Did they have the right to sell the property? Why wasn’t the public better informed of this sale? Should we start to worry about other lands, Lapping Park, the golf courses, the area around the swimming pool? All of these properties supposedly belong to “all of us.”

What kind of absolute power have we given these politicians? I will express my displeasure with this event next time at the ballot box.

— Roger Cross, Clarksville

For a very long, I've been curious how many trees are planted in New Albany annually, and what role (if any) an obviously under-funded Tree Board plays in any of it.

Team Gahan has clear-cut virtually the entire city, so it's the perfect time to begin pretending the junta cares about trees.

Surely not since the founding Scribners set out to clear land for the civic forerunner of present-day New Gahania have so many trees fallen as during the reign of Jeffrey I.

He insists more trees have been planted than cut, though the documentary evidence of such remains hidden safely within the labyrinthine bowels of Lawyer Gibson's Information Protection Program.

Witness the information I asked of the Tree Board in April of 2016. Sixteen months later it presumably reposes on a shelf in Gibson's bookless study, gathering dust, right there next to the remaining Bicentennial coffee table tomes that Bob Caesar insists were sold out to an eager public at $50 a pop, later to be handed out like lollipops at ribbon cuttings even as Caesar and associates denies the existence of any records pertaining to the Bicentennial Commission's activities.

Recent city council budget hearings provide an answer.

Mr. Streips stated they (Tree Board) have planted around 70-75 trees around town and their goal by the end of the year is 100 new plantings.

Mr. McLaughlin asked if they could do anything like a "buy a tree" fundraiser.

There it is, in a nutshell. The city needs hundreds of trees planted, not a few dozen, and confronted with this fact, the city council president can think of nothing more relevant to suggest than a bake sale.

Presumably we can hold this nickel-and dime event in July amid the urban heat island. Or, we might fund the Tree Board to succeed -- and if city officials ever stepped outside their air conditioned cars and walked a few blocks, they might grasp the need.

BIG LEAK! The Green Mouse has obtained an advance copy of Deaf Gahan's "Long Term Urban Canopy Inventory and Management."

Well, just these three pages. The Green Mouse wasn't feeling very well, and he decided to move to Jeffersonville.

The simple fact is we've all become numb to Jeff Gahan's signature Shade Eradication Program.

What Judge Cody wants, Judge Cody gets -- with valet efficiency. The remainder of us wait years for our stumps to be ground and replantings to occur.

Meanwhile, Gahan's shadeless semi-walkability proceeds apace. It's an exquisitely banal dictatorship ... but it's our exquisitely banal dictatorship, with anchor cuff links and everything.

Team Gahan has clear-cut virtually the entire city, so it's the perfect time to begin pretending the junta cares about trees.

Surely not since the founding Scribners set out to clear land for the civic forerunner of present-day New Gahania have so many trees fallen as during the reign of Jeffrey I.

He insists more trees have been planted than cut, though the documentary evidence of such remains hidden safely within the labyrinthic bowels of Lawyer Gibson's Information Protection Program.

Team Gahan has clear-cut virtually the entire city, so it's the perfect time to begin pretending the junta cares about trees.

Surely not since the founding Scribners set out to clear land for the civic forerunner of present-day New Gahania have so many trees fallen as during the reign of Jeffrey I.

He insists more trees have been planted than cut, though the documentary evidence of such remains hidden safely within the labyrinthic bowels of Lawyer Gibson's Information Protection Program.

Witness the information I asked of the Tree Board in April of 2016. Sixteen months later it presumably reposes on a shelf in Gibson's bookless study, gathering dust, right there next to the remaining Bicentennial coffee table tomes that Bob Caesar insists were sold out to an eager public at $50 a pop, later to be handed out like lollipops at ribbon cuttings even as Caesar and associates denies the existence of any records pertaining to the Bicentennial Commission's activities.

Our last comprehensive survey of Gahan's urban canopy impotence came on March 7 of this year.

ASK THE BORED: You can't always get tree stumps zapped when you want, but if you're a V.I.P. -- well, you get what you need.

(Always) bear in mind that even as Jeff Gahan's "parks and recreation" fetish -- which always was more about power than production -- has occupied a disproportionate place in his agenda, hundreds of trees outside the boundaries of his suburban-flavored parks have fallen. Some were dead, others living.

A huge number were brought down for the noble cause of making a Greenway auto-friendly.

During a time of enhanced urban heat island effect, and as the mayor plays his oblivious daily shell game about "walk-ability," which can be translated as "drive-ability," seeing as he hasn't once grasped what it really means, these (shade) trees generally have not been replanted until the cost can be shifted elsewhere, as with grandiose street reconstruction projects financed by the federal government.

In short, under Gahan, the urban tree canopy has received far more contempt than scant attention.

Naturally, with mayor pattern baldness now prevalent throughout the city, the time has come to unleash the propaganda commissariat to issue stirring declarations of victory amid the stumps.

City Receives Grant for Tree Inventory to Promote Long-Term Urban Canopy Strategy

In January of 2017, the City of New Albany received a $20,000 matching grant from the Indiana Department of Natural Resources, Division of Forestry, as part of the 2016 Community and Urban Forestry Assistance grant project.

Meanwhile, proof again that books don't line any of their shelves.

Scientists Discover Yet Another Reason Cities Need More Trees, by Katharine Schwab (Co.Design)

Using a computer model, scientists quantified how trees impact local weather and save energy.

Trees make neighborhoods look beautiful and feel safe. They can also play a key role in reducing the impact of wind in cities.

That might seem inconsequential at first. But wind can affect things like humidity, temperature, how pleasant it is to walk around outside, and even the pressure gradient between the interior and exterior of buildings. When there’s a larger gradient, more air from outside will enter a building through small gaps and openings, requiring greater energy consumption to heat or cool the building. Researchers from the University of British Columbia created a computer model showing that when there are no trees in a neighborhood, that pressure gradient goes up by a factor of four. Because wind pressure can be the root cause for about a third of a building’s energy consumption, the finding means that if there are no trees around, the cost to maintain a building’s temperature can rise. The researchers estimate that trees in the Vancouver neighborhood they modeled save 15% on your energy bill in the summer and 10% in the winter.

Here's your bibliography.

Got any readers down there in the Down Low Bunker?

---

A SELECTION OF PREVIOUS ARTICLES

ASK THE BORED: Years and years later, finally those stumps in the verge have been pulped.

Unheard of in New Albany: "Going forward, I will be more sensitive to the spectrum of concerns regarding trees."

At least this time Pinocchio felled his OWN tree.

"Eventually there'll be a plan to replant" the clear-cut tree cover, but of course no one can say what or when that might be.

Politics, good judgment, social media, and why I refrained from voting in the Floyd Circuit Judge race.

2016 council budget hearing: Money for the Tree Board to cut trees, or plant them?

Placing a dollar value on the services that street trees perform.

Unlike New Albany, "The people of Somerville, Massachusetts really, really care about trees."

New Albany's Tree Board -- statute, staff and board members.

Whatever happened to the Tree Board, anyway?

"Eventually there'll be a plan to replant" the clear-cut tree cover, but of course no one can say what or when that might be.

At the October 20 council meeting, CM David Barksdale was quick to provide the answer (above) to a question that none of his colleagues had asked. was it because NAC did?

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 13, 2016
Clear Cut New Albany: Down go the first three of Judge Cody's street trees. Lord, how I detest this place at times.

Points to remember beyond the predictably indeterminate "plan" to replant include the amazing fact that the city has yet to chop down a healthy tree; as with unanimous vote totals during Communist electoral times, New Albany's street trees are 98.8% diseased, forever and always.

Also, the equation encompassed on the death certificate is nearly always presented in a false binary format: It's the tree OR the sidewalk. In an era of ubiquity in construction techniques, that's utter hogwash. It's easier to fell the tree, but this isn't the only "choice" available to thinkers stuck inside impermeable boxes.

Then there's the oldest excuse of all: "Our Tree Board is underfunded and neglected and does what it can." As though there's no way to fix that, but lest we forget, the Tree Board is an appendage of the Board of Works, and might be fixed any time the mayor desires. First he'd have to think, and therein lies the problem.

Finally, it's helpful to be wary of the city's historic preservation contingent, with whom I agree often, though not always. There are documented instances of preservationists grabbing their chain saws when a tree is blocking the pristine view of a lovely old home (generally, the view as enjoyed from a passing car speeding down a one-way street). That's not arbor; that's arson.

Perhaps the cloistered committee of captive usual suspects and yes-men toiling behind closed doors to formulate the purportedly "comprehensive" campaign finance plan (it should take us through a mayoral bid by the incumbent's yet-to-be-conceived grandson) could work something into it about trees?

You know, shade during times of climate change -- or don't they believe in climate change?

File under: The Chronicles of New Gahania.