Post-clearcutting cycle of nourishment: "Shelby Place median in New Albany to get facelift."

Just one Gahan campaign donation from 2015.

2016 Democratic visionaries.

"It looks like Shelby Place soon will be getting a facelift."

Not a probing question asked, not a spade of earth disturbed. Just take their word for it, and move on. Steady rivulets under the radar are how beaks come to be wetted, but it's nothing to a journalist, right?

Fourth Estate?

Let me know if you spot it. It's been missing so long that I fear the worst.

Shelby Place median in New Albany to get facelift, by Chris Morris (Stenographers of the World Unite)

The New Albany Board of Public Works & Safety approved a proposal from T.A. Ginkins Company LLC Tuesday to improve the median landscape and lighting on Shelby.

The plan, which is for $39,447, calls for the removal of existing trees and shrubs which already has taken place and to install new landscaping. The proposal is for new trees, shrubs, soil and brick chips, which was submitted to the city by Grantline Garden Center last July. New lighting and posts will also be added to the median which separates both lanes of the street.

A brick/stone entrance wall facing Vincennes Street, engraved with Shelby Place, also will be installed.

"This will make it 100 percent better. The neighbors are behind the project," City Controller Linda Moeller told the board after reading the proposal.

Terry Ginkins said the planting of the new landscaping, which will be done by Grantline Garden Center, is weather related. He said the entrance will also include an historic designation marker.

"It's going to be a nice little project," Ginkins said. "I think it will look good, but it's right across from New Albany High School so it should look good. A lot of people visit the school."

Your turn, Shelby Place: City Hall's insatiable Husqvarna envy claims a few more trees before year's end.

GREEN MOUSE SAYS: Shane Gibson to fill David Duggins' shoes as economic development & redevelopment bag man, with a joyous wetting of beaks to follow.

I good bag man is hard to find.
You always get the other kind.

The Green Mouse just staggered back from the Mad Tax Payers gig at Pastimes and started babbling in Sicilian.

Fortunately we keep one of those spontaneous translation androids on a leash (he knows the combination to the liquor cabinet).

"It makes perfect sense. If the Godfather's only trusted capo screws up and has to get sent away to the NAHA for a while until the scandal blows over, then Tom Hagen's the only man alive who can keep the envelopes stuffed -- and his own mouth clamped shut."

A source tells NA Confidential that city attorney Shane Gibson will replace David Duggins as head of the redevelopment commission, also functioning as the city's economic development director.

This is a rumor, as yet unsubstantiated, but if true, Gibson's income from various sluices will make him the highest paid public official in living memory.

And concurrently, the scandal-plagued Team Gahan's closed circle of circled wagons will get even smaller, proving yet again that when times get harder, there is no prohibition against incest in politics.

Perhaps the mayor is worried that State Representative Ed Clere might enter the 2019 mayor's race after all.

Perhaps Gahan has been watching one too many documentaries about the grandeur of Kim Jong-un's personality cult.

Perhaps they all just need to ensure that the right beaks stay wet. After all, it's what Gahan will be remembered for. Look for the announcement to come on Tuesday, as Deaf is waiting for a sign from the heavens to proceed toward consolidation of his power.

---

As an addendum, NA Confidential has been unable to confirm whether New Albany Mayor Jeff M. Gahan or anyone working in the city's administration is under federal investigation or indictment for corruption, bribery or racketeering. It is standard policy of the U.S. Justice Department to refuse to confirm or deny the existence or non-existence of investigations or subjects of investigations. A similar policy exists at the F.B.I.

ON THE AVENUES: Hi there, NAHA wastrels. My name is Peter Principle, and these are my friends Deaf and Dugout.

ON THE AVENUES: Hi there, NAHA wastrels. My name is Peter Principle, and these are my friends Deaf and Dugout.

A weekly column by Roger A. Baylor.

Not since the unlikely elevation of a dissolute New York City property mogul to the highest office in the land has such an abysmally unqualified individual been handed the keys to the future of so many lives, but we reside in the Principality of New Gahania, and David Duggins now “directs” the New Albany Housing Authority.

Perhaps only the likes of Fyodor Dostoevsky, Franz Kafka or Gabriel Garcia Marquez could explain our new surreal reality by means of creative fiction, but to paraphrase the mayor, “Nobody reads books.”

Duggins was awarded his dandy high-paying sinecure by a board of obsequious toady minions, as carefully packed by Mayor Jeff Gahan with his best available bobble-headed sycophants eager to abandon their integrity to bask in the glow of their puppetmaster’s gleaming pate, leaving no doubt about the ownership of whatever master plan for demolition is being implemented.

Never forget that the dismantling of public housing in New Albany is to be Deaf Gahan’s crowning achievement, unless Duggins botches the job and is sent back to the bullpen at the Class AA River Ridge Bootlicking Wannabees, absorbing the blame for disappointing whole generations of white suburban males who feel deep in their bones that if only the poor people would go away, this town might really amount to something.

The fact of their preachers encouraging them in this belief is a topic for another time.

Speaking of stopped clocks, the timing of Duggins’ windfall pay rise, as well as the arguably more significant and impending appointment of his replacement as economic dishevelment director and artful router of beak-wetting sustenance at the Redevelopment Commission, simply cannot be separated from impending election cycles in 2018 and 2019.

With Gahan still emitting random gurgling sounds about the State Senate race in 2018 (the vexed commode begs him to decide), there exists neither time nor desire for Gahan to bring in fresh blood from outside.

Meet Bob Caesar, Chris Gardner or Zelda the Wonder Ferret, YOUR new interim redevelopment figurehead, fully capable of treating the high rollers to drinks, mass-producing cookie-cutter tax abatements, and using one of those ballpark t-shirt cannons to ensure proper distribution of cash-stuffed “In Gahan We Trust” v-necks.

By then, Mike Hall and Adam Dickey will have produced fresh and scintillating reams of adulatory press clippings for the mayor’s ketchup-topped binge credulity, and there’ll be an election campaign or two.

Exactly where Gahan’s megalomania is taking us remains murky, but it’s best to harbor no illusions about his ambition or any of these minutely orchestrated preludes.

He’s doing what’s best for Big Daddy G, just like he always does.

---

Getting back to our local production of “HUD Times with Ben Carson and Diamond Dave,” here’s a comment left at NAC by Susan Ryan, a longtime community (and local Democratic Party) activist.

Duggins is getting a nearly 40% raise, not 30% which means that he is basically doubling his salary. My favorite part, however, is how a brand new housing board (most of them only have been in place a couple of months) can continue to talk about the firing of Bob Lane as necessary because he didn't share their vision.

Huh? How does any board that has no experience, and no history of working together develop a vision in just a couple of meetings? Hogwash!

Next thing to look for: Duggins will let maintenance slide and push the units into a state of total disrepair by neglect. Then they will have to be torn down. Some residents also expect that their now quiet and safe environment will suddenly be filled with problem tenants so that crime will increase, making the housing developments a broader negative public concern.

And beyond Duggins’ lack of experience for the NAHA position, we now have a new executive for the Homeless Coalition. Her background is working for the Chamber of Commerce. We only want to get those homeless and poor out of our city. Simply appalling.

Ouch. There's so much hard truth in Ryan's words that local Democrats probably will obey their overlord by not bothering to read them. After all, there's always television.

---

Meanwhile, the headline just writes itself.

One Southern Indiana ecstatic as Homeless Coalition selects former Indiana Chamber of Commerce staffer to concur with Wendy Dant Chesser’s plans for a regional oligarchy free of the unsightly impoverished.

True, I hadn’t been paying all that much attention to goings-on at the Homeless Coalition of Southern Indiana, and I missed this passage in a June 5 newspaper article written by Danielle Grady, explaining the departure of HCSI director Dawn Klemm.

Leslea Townsend Cronin, chair of the homeless coalition’s board, said that she could not comment on whether or not the former director, Dawn Klemm, had resigned from her job or her employment had been terminated …

… Stacy Deck, a Floyd County resident, said in a text that Klemm is now a fellow member of an informal advocacy group that opposes a recently passed memorandum of understanding between the City of New Albany and the New Albany Housing Authority board …

… (former coalition board member Virginia) Peck said that she left because she had originally only planned to work on the board for a year, but that she, too, wanted to do more advocacy work that she didn’t feel comfortable with as someone affiliated with the homeless coalition ...

… Peck said that the board was dependent on the generosity of local government. The city councils of New Albany and Jeffersonville voted to each give $75,000 to the homeless coalition to get it started.

“I didn’t want to take a chance on harming the coalition’s relationship by doing the advocacy work that I felt was really needed in our community,” Peck said.

“Sometimes elected officials don’t like it if you disagree with their policy positions and sometimes they are not particularly willing — not willing to work well with you — if you have used them in the past,” she said.

Sometimes they disagree?

An amazing coincidence, but as Ryan observes, the HCSI has quickly filled its leadership vacancy, presumably with someone more in keeping with the tastes of local elected officials.

Elizabeth Beilman explains.

 ... Keeley Stingel, a Washington County resident, replaces former director Dawn Klemm who left her position this spring. Stingel starts her new role June 19.

In her capacity at the Chamber of Commerce, Stingel's work has covered as many as 45 counties. She also brings experience from the Indiana Lieutenant Governor's Office of Community and Rural Affairs and Hoosier Uplands Economic Development Cooperation. She is a member of the Indiana Youth Institute Board of Directors and the Commission for Higher Education 21st Century Scholars Advisory Council.

Stingel holds a bachelor's degree from Purdue University and a Master's in Public Affairs from Indiana University …

… Leslea Townsend Cronin, president of the homeless coalition board, said it's Stingel's experience in fundraising, community building and advocacy that drew the board to her.

"She's incredibly dynamic. We're very excited to have her," Townsend Cronin said in a phone interview. "She's very knowledgeable about funding systems, funding streams, very passionate about the people she's going to be serving."

But will Stingel be able to soothe Interim Redevelopment Procurator Caesar's fevered brow as he frets about playing second fiddle to the imperial ambitions of Dear Leader, without so much as a single paltry vestal virgin to plop seedless grapes into his mouth while NAHA burns and Duggins gets all the credit for the inferno?

How might Caesar successfully mount a future mayoral bid without being able to say it was CeeSaw, not Duggins, who made New Albany luxurious again?

It might be helpful for Caesar to renew his breathless vows with One Southern Indiana; perhaps after Dant Chesser has contrived a second Regional Cities Initiative boondoggle, she can direct her captive RDA to set aside a farthing or two for public transport – in this instance, bovine rolling stock.

Because: As economic movers and shakers will tell you all too readily as you squirm over your third martini and look desperately for the fire escape to offer some way out of this acronym-laden golfing oligarch’s networking hell, it’s all about economies of scale.

Why use separate trains to transport first the homeless, then public housing residents to their peachy resettlement camps located just across the Harrison County line, when all of them can be crammed into cattle cars for a single gala trip, offering a far more efficient photo-op for Gahan, Caesar, Dan Coffey, or any other local politician in need of a platform plank?

And again this reminder: No local elected officials with the possible exception of a typically venomous Coffey have spoken publicly about Gahan's plans for the NAHA. Silence is acceptance, is it not?

They're all imaging the Orwellian words inscribed on the locomotive, right next to the smiley faced mud flat anchor.

“Hop on Board the Quality of Life Express.”

Rather like Petticoat Junction and all that shit.

---

Recent columns:

June 8: ON THE AVENUES: Since 2004, "Two way, better way."

June 1: ON THE AVENUES: Take this cult of personality and shove it.

May 25: ON THE AVENUES: Welcome to wherever you are, and come to think of it, Ljubljana will do nicely.

May 18: ON THE AVENUES: Are dissidents born or made? A humanities major examines his life and locale.

Putsch: The agenda of Gahan's handpicked public housing flunkies remains, "Do as we say, not as we do."

Welcome to another installment of "Clear Out the Poor People to Make Way for Luxury," in which beguiling sycophant Irving Joshua somehow mentions the words "conflict of interest" without a laugh track.

But as Mayor Jeff Gahan once said, "Nobody reads the paper."

David Duggins once told me that he was taking a substantial pay cut to work for City Hall, compared to what he might earn in the "private" (read: government-subsidized) sector of the economy.

Five and a half years on the public teat is ample time to make up ground, and a $30K pay boost overnight is merely icing on the cake. Never, ever forget that a rookie will be awarded the same pay packet as a man with 15 years of experience.

As NAC told you a month ago, public housing neophyte David Duggins will be the interim director of NAHA -- and at Bob Lane's pay grade.

Since those words of Duggins were spoken to me, the city of New Albany has funneled so many contracts into the gaping maw of HWC Engineering (by sheer coincidence, HWC employs Duggins' wife) that the firm now has an office within spitting distance of City Hall.

Irving Joshua remained silent about this conflict of interest.

Jeff Gahan already had appointed his son-in-law to manage the flood wall -- and not a word emerged from Irving Joshua's mouth.

A major Democratic Party donor (Terry Ginkins) and the city engineer's mother were placed on the NAHA board to rubber stamp Duggins' public housing putsch diktats.

Irving Joshua remained mum throughout. After all, he was appointed to guide the same board.

As for Duggins and other city employees, don't rule out the existence of sideline "consultancy" LLCs for the diversion of the residual slush generated by all these projects.

As we observed yesterday, Duggins needn't know HUD from MUD to do what's expected of him: dismantle public housing and make room for luxury development on properties soon to be divvied up by the very same construction and development interests who would have made Duggins' career in the "private" sector so lucrative ... and still will, as he directs cash-stuffed envelopes to the key players.

I wouldn't look for Joshua to mention conflicts of interest in his manner, given that a clam's demeanor suits his own.

Look for Gahan to appoint his educator wife to the soon-to-be-vacated position of NAFC superintendent of schools, and Adam Dickey to become economic dishevelment director, replacing Duggins.

No, Irving Joshua won't say a goddamn thing about it, but here's the rub. Neither will a single city council member, nor a major party official. So-called community "leaders" will say as little as Joshua. Unless they publicly take a stand, every last one of them is complicit. Why should we vote for any of them in 2019?

Care to comment, pillars?

New Albany housing board appoints city redevelopment director as interim housing director, by Elizabeth Beilman (Hanson Doesn't Care About Any of This, Either)

David Duggins to leave city role

NEW ALBANY — New Albany Redevelopment Director David Duggins will serve as interim director of the New Albany Housing Authority, following the board's decision to fire the previous director.

The board appointed Duggins during its regular meeting Monday with one abstention. Duggins will have to leave his role as city redevelopment director to avoid a conflict of interest, board President Irving Joshua said.

Some board members said Duggins' familiarity with New Albany and expertise in redevelopment make him a good temporary fit.

"We had a letter from [U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development] that recommended that we select someone," board member Terry Ginkins said. "He'll be a good choice until we find a permanent director ... he knows the ins and outs [of the city], and he deals with a lot of federal money."

---

As an addendum, NA Confidential has been unable to confirm whether New Albany Mayor Jeff M. Gahan or anyone working in the city's administration is under federal investigation or indictment for corruption, bribery or racketeering. It is standard policy of the U.S. Justice Department to refuse to confirm or deny the existence or non-existence of investigations or subjects of investigations. A similar policy exists at the F.B.I.

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Lawyers, guns, bond issue beak wetting and how Dean Martin anticipated the Mighty Trumpolini.

NA Confidential often refers to a wetting of beaks.

The concept first came to my attention while reading the best show biz biography ever written, Dino: Living High in the Dirty Business of Dreams, by Nick Tosches.

In 1992, Patrick Goldstein reviewed the book in the Los Angeles Times.

Dino: Living High in the Dirty Business of Dreams

 ... Perhaps what intrigued Tosches wasn't so much Martin's meager career achievements as the mystery of superstardom itself. What kicks did Dino give 1950s-era America? What enthralled audiences about his easy-going balladry and high jinks with Lewis?

Tosches chalks it up to the emergence of "mob culture," the age of mass entertainment that Henry James foresaw as the coming "reign of mediocrity." Early 20th-Century America spawned nickelodeons, dime novels and cheap music--all prevailing influences on Martin's fans. It was the birth of pop culture, a culture where every common man could be a king, or what passes for royalty today: a celebrity.

"Mob culture" bears an obvious double meaning, but the fact is that Martin tended to keep his distance from the sort of figures his friend Frank Sinatra regularly nuzzled.

Martin's reasoning was borne of experience and his own standoffish personality. To him, these people were interested in nothing except wetting their beaks, and extracting their revenue streams from the pool he was filling.

Consequently, the idiom appears in novels by the likes of Mario Puzo, and television shows on the order of The Sopranos.

Wet My Beak (Urban Dictionary)

To muscle in on someone else's action. To take a piece of the pie.

When Johnny Sack moved to Jersey, he claimed "I'm not looking to wet my beak." But Tony Soprano knew otherwise.

Perhaps a more subtle and appropriate definition is here, as anchored to the verb "partake."

wet (one's) beak

To partake in part of the profits of another person's business, usually as a result of extortion. (Used especially in reference to organized crime, particularly "protection money" paid to the Italian Mafia.)

Trust me, you're better off just giving him what he wants whenever he comes round to wet his beak. If you don't pay up, you'll have bigger problems.

This blog holds that when it comes to a wetting of beaks, the thirsts being slaked are far more commonly attached to perfectly upstanding citizens (in appearance), who operate according to perfectly legal mechanisms instituted precisely to facilitate a wetting of beaks. It doesn't rule out extortion, but it accepts a level of built-in remuneration not always obvious to Joe Sixpack.

As a particularly relevant and oddly piquant example, consider this.

Lawyers get fat on bond 'crumbs' worth hundreds of thousands of dollars (The Augusta Chronicle)

Like angels getting wings every time a bell rings, board attorneys reap big bucks every time governments in Augusta and Columbia County issue debt.

Think of it as a bell that goes cha-ching.

Attorneys for commissions and school systems normally charge hourly rates to sit in on meetings, review contracts and handle litigation. But when their boards issue multimillion-dollar revenue and general obligation bonds, they become what's called the issuer's counsel, taking a flat fee.

Based on responses to open records requests sent to several lawyers in the area, a government attorney on a Richmond or Columbia county bond deal will make roughly a quarter of one percent, or 0.25 percent, of the bond amount. Those crumbs from the pie can translate to hundreds of thousands of dollars.

It means that when Augusta-Richmond County issued a $160 million bond to expand the water and sewer system in 2004, city attorney and former commissioner Steve Shepard's law firm earned $400,000. When Augusta issued a $149 million water and sewer bond in 2002, his predecessor, Jim Wall, made $348,500.

When the Richmond County Board of Education, after voter approval of a special purpose local option sales tax, issued a $115 million bond in 2002 to build new schools and stadiums and buy new buses, school board attorney Pete Fletcher's firm made $325,000.

In Columbia County, when the commission issued a $28.9 million water and sewer bond last year, Doug Batchelor earned $71,290 in fees for Hull Towill Norman Barrett & Salley.

Bond fees are negotiable but are seldom negotiated, and many elected officials admittedly know little about them ...

ASK THE BORED: All for paving and paving for all -- and information about the elusive two-way street project's inception.

At last week's Board of Public Works and Safety meeting (May 2), there was an update on the critically important annual paving extravaganza, without which those delicate rivulets of campaign slush 'n' finance would be in danger of drying up -- and the usual suspects can't wet their beaks in sand.

As the above explanation attests, the grid modernization project (have you noticed how reluctant they are to use the words "two-way" if they can be avoided?) is a paving project all its own.

And: Once paved, the streets still will be running in one-direction with temporary markings. This should add at least 10 m.p.h. to current motorcycle speeds on Spring.

Then again, this Market Street canyon needs work. There's enough room inside this cut for a street car rail.

I'm consoling myself with the prospect of seeing these miscreants in single file, stuck behind me as I observe the speed limit on two-way streets. They might try passing me on the right, though they'll be in danger of striking the landscaping trailer that usually occupies the bike lane in front of my house.

Then, when the motorists are calmed, we can begin thinking about the much needed ban on semi rigs using 13th Street.

ASK THE BORED: A few well-placed chicanes on 13th Street should send Tiger Trucking to a more appropriate location for doing its value-extractive business.

On seafood, cigars and riffing about two popular end-of-year blog posts.

NA Confidential remains parked at a decidedly unfashionable Blogger Dot Com address because the price is right -- which is to say, it's free.

It reminds me of the time I helped start a pub, which didn't have a snowball's chance in Guam because it was badly located somewhere off Grant Line Road. Then as now, I believe location to be irrelevant so long as what you're doing represents quality.

More on this in a moment.

As a humanities major, raw numbers have a tendency to make me suspicious, but trends can be revealing, and I've gradually taken a greater interest in traffic as it pertains to the blog's readership. What this examination usually verifies, though I didn't always pay attention, is that being first on the scene matters, especially if the topic is food and drink.

Sometimes this also is true of other locally-oriented stories, as with retail openings, building rehabs and the like. My political and cultural obsessions? Far less so, but one factor remains constant, because if the post gets picked up by even a few persons on social media, traffic increases exponentially.

As such, things got interesting during the final two days of the year, after I'd already finished sweeping up and tidying the joint in readiness to kiss 2016 goodbye.

First on the 30th there was this.

3,542

Cigar smokers rejoice: The second location of Riverside Cigar Shop/Match Cigar Bar is coming to downtown New Albany.

Cigars and spirits are coming to downtown New Albany in the form of an establishment tentatively to be known as Match Cigar Bar New Albany.

Then on New Year's Eve, this.

9,017

Gospel Bird's Eric Morris nixes Concrete Jungle concept, opts for seafood, seafood and more seafood at his new restaurant at 324 E. Main in New Albany.

"So, what’s coming to 324 E. Main Street in 2017 is (WORKING TITLE), a fresh seafood grill with a raw bar, including a rooftop bar overlooking the Ohio River. Think of it as a comfortable niche between fast food and the high end. It’ll be a family-style approach and a very casual place, with most dishes served in baskets and buckets, with a price point to match. The same goes for great beers and the sort of bar program you’d expect from us."

The "seafood concept" post of Eric's took only a few hours to become the year's most read, and about a day to climb to the top of the all-time rankings.

That's right. Best ever, since October 2004.

Similarly, the "cigar lounge coming soon" quickly settled near the top of the month's list, then doubled its page views suddenly on New Year's Day, also approaching the upper tier on the leader board for 2016.

Obviously, both Eric and Jeff Mouttet pushed the post on their social media sites, hence the closest thing to viral I've yet experienced -- at least since my frozen weenie sandwich bar menu got picked up by Uproxx back in 2014.

ON THE AVENUES: Law-abiding by weenie was never this viral.

I'm not sufficiently technological to make proper sense (or use) of these developments, apart from saying that it's always nice to be read, and if forced to choose between famous and infamous, I'll always opt for the latter.

However, they play into some thoughts I've been having for a while, centered on the fact that I've been doing this blog thingie pro bono for 12 years. It takes a lot of time, and maybe I'm missing something -- like looking at ways to wet my own beak now and again.

And yes, it would be far easier to touch juice if I were a paving contractor ... or mayor of the city.

Yesterday I noticed something at Jim Wright's Stonekettle Station blog, which is at Blogger just like NA Confidential:

Donate to Stonekettle Station

Like anybody else, I have a mortgage and a kid in college and a powerful need to eat once in a while. As Stonekettle Station has increased in popularity, it takes up more and more of my time to write the content you come here for, and that means I've got less time to do the things that actually pay the bills. I have no desire to move Stonekettle Station behind a paywall, I'll stop writing before I do that, but if you think what I do here is worth a bit of your hard earned money well then I'm not too proud to accept a token of your appreciation. And thank you.

NA Confidential comes nowhere close to the turnstile spin Wright generates, but this isn't the point. The point is that my time is worth something, even if I'm a hopelessly quarrelsome and cantankerous curmudgeon.

Especially if.

Here's the conclusion: I'll be looking into ways of making a few farthings off the blog. It may be with advertisements and sponsors. It may be with a tin cup proffered for donations. Your thoughts are appreciated, as always.

Is it the Onion? News and Tribune? NA Confidential? Nah, it's just a Duggins-ism, 'cuz "New Albany approves bid to transform alley into 'more of a place.'"

It's getting creepy surreal, for real. 

Make no mistake: We're honored to have been the source of this idea (June of 2915, below), along with the inimitable David Thrasher, and even if neither of us will be getting a plaque.

Thrasher deserves all the credit, eh?

There's just one lingering question. Given the impact of a typical Ohio Valley summer's night, is covering those dumpsters going to be enough?

Wait -- we already asked this question, a year and a half ago. We like being prescient, especially when they don't know what the word means.

---

June 12, 2015
Seattle alleys, New Albany street pianos and the overdue purging of bureaucrats.

Photo credit: Hannegan Roseberry at Fb

I generally advocate thinking outside our self-imposed civic boxes, because New Albany has far too many of them, stacked somewhere out in the garage, creased and dusty, and filled with hoary rationales for non-activity that we've forgotten even exist.

We also have many suitable alleys, as outlined in is adaptive reuse saga from Seattle.

Seattle's Future Alleys Look Like Paradise, by John Metcalfe (City Lab)

When you peer into a downtown Seattle alley, you might see rats and people sleeping in dumpsters. That could change, however, as the city plans to turn some of these airless holes into charming, plant-filled utopias.

Against all odds, New Albany has a thriving restaurant and bar culture to consider, and consequently, while excitedly reading about alley renovations in Seattle -- and recalling the many "hidden" infrastructure places we possess in addition to these -- one sensation kept coming back to me.

Namely, the smell of dumpsters behind restaurants in a red-hot, humid Indiana summer. However, using spaces, making places ... I support the idea, and the possibilities are endless. In fact, apart from alleyways, we could do so much better here, and the first step simply must be liberating ourselves from thinking that the usual suspects and their same "officially" accredited agencies, commissions and political entities possess a monopoly on creativity.

They don't, and all too often they stifle grassroots artistic expression, placemaking and neighborhood revitalization.

As Hannegan Roseberry's experience with our gatekeepers at the Board of Works earlier this week illustrates, the cultural asphyxiation starts at the very top. Hannegan had an idea, and the bored's political appointees could barely stifle their yawns while flashing the usual reply: "It's not an option."

 ... Now, you may be wondering what this surely controversial project must be, considering the absolute breakdown of communication and complete avoidance it inspired: A street piano, painted brightly by teenage artists, sitting out on the street for all passersby to enjoy and experience. I know, contain your gasps of horror; the audacity of this citizen, to think she could so arrogantly prep a whimsical and creative project such as this and terrorize the streets of New Albany.

In all seriousness, my goal is to shed light on a far more concerning challenge than the fun and frivolity of a street piano: The piano is really beside the point.

New Albany must make government more accessible. It is absolutely inexcusable that a citizen with an idea and a passion for her community could be so absolutely and completely led in circles, shut out and shut down.

Tuesday mornings, 10 a.m. It's in need of a dose of glasnost.

Look it up, Warren.

Infuriated by artsy fartsy alley proposals and skulldugginsry, Irv vows to form new nin-com-PAC: "Alleyways for 18-Wheelers."

It was November 29, not July 4, but low-grade, Chinese-made fireworks flew at Tuesday's meeting of the Bored with Public Works and Safety, as City Hall revealed hitherto top-secret plans for top-down changes to two neglected downtown alleyways.

The News and Tribune's steno-of-the-day was on hand to merrily chisel the boilerplate.

At this morning’s Board of Public Works and Safety meeting, the Board accepted an agreement between the City of New Albany and Michell Timperman Ritz Architects for improvements to the alley that runs from Spring Street to Main Street.

The alley and surrounding area currently has a few murals painted by local artists, and the City wants to expand on this idea and transform the alley into an inviting and distinct pedestrian pathway. Planned improvements include drop lighting, murals, sculpture pads, planter boxes, and resurfaced decorative pavement. The City of New Albany is partnering with Develop New Albany and the New Albany Floyd County Schools Art Department on this exciting project.

Amid the random shuffling yawns of meeting attendees, one member of the public rose to denounce the proposed changes in the most strident and unyielding of terms.

"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder," thundered Irv Stumler, an advocate of heavy industry who resides in a neighborhood (Silver Hills) where heavy industry is prohibited.

"If people can't afford cars and insist on walking, there's a place for that," said Stumler. "It's called the sidewalk. Everyone except Jeff Gahan knows that alleys are meant to be filthy, dangerous places where our heroic trucking fleets unload things."

According to Stumler, "gussied-up" alleys will result in the displacement of dumpsters, with potentially tragic consequences.

"You see where these dumpsters will be moved to, don't you? Right there, out on the street corner, where my combination flower urn ashtrays used to be. Coincidence? I think not ... and what happens when a monster rig with so much erotic horsepower you don't even need Viagra comes to one of these newfangled two-way intersections and hits the dumpster making a turn?"

After the nice men from Placid Acres Care Village had finished tidying up, the meeting resumed.

"I'm disappointed that we can't spend even more money on this project," stated David Duggins, the city's economic dishevelment director.

"Unfortunately, our campaign finance sluices just won't fit in tight spaces, and fortunately the architect is willing to work with us, so we divert as much as possible, call it good, and throw back a few ice cold Bud Light Limes."

Duggins, recently appointed by Mayor Jeff Gahan to the new position of Artistic Allegiance Arbiter (AAA), stated that designs for the alleyway decorations and murals are being left to the imagination of participating students, with one key exception.

"We really need to have this one on a wall somewhere," said Duggins, who pulled a torn and frayed sketch from his wallet.

"Sorry about the stains," added Duggins. "We were scoping it out over lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings."

The project's conceptual designer praised the city's decision to relentlessly channel artistic expression through the vise-like grip of usual suspects like his firm.

"With this municipal contract, we've topped this year's fundraising goal, and not a moment to soon," commented an anonymous spokesman for Michell Timperman Ritz Architects, who remarked "I can see the future, and it's located on the slopes in Aspen. God, but I do love Fat Tire."

Prior to the bored's rote approval, the city's ruling hologram offered more of the same, authored by another, emitted from a blue screen unfurled over in the corner by the last remaining wall socket.

“This project will not only enhance the safety of this corridor, but will add another unique and inviting pathway for pedestrians in our downtown,” stated Mayor Jeff Gahan. “I’m thrilled that Develop New Albany and the New Albany-Floyd County Schools Art Department have chosen to partner with us on this downtown improvement.”

ASK THE BORED: They have a plan to prevent toll dodging, and have scheduled it for completion one year after tolling begins. Yay!

I haven't attended a Board of Public Works and Safety meeting since before the unpleasantness of November 8, when the local political party branch responsible for appointments, patronage and a gently pervasive wetting of beaks -- in fact, for these very prized seats on BOW -- was handed a vicious, epic bloodbath of a beat-down.

Consequently, the Green Mouse reports newfound popularity for this fashionable statement of beans, franks and whiplash. You can bet that if HWC Engineering offered orthopedic body gadgets, the contract already would have been signed, sealed and sluiced.

By the way, kindly note that Team Gahan's campaign finance lube jobs with HWC are so comforting that the engineering firm is opening a branch office right across the street from City Hall. Now, THAT's service with a smile -- and an invoice.

Two weeks ago, and by its own publicly stated reckoning, BOW struck a heroic faux blow for presumed preparedness in the face of the traffic diversions and dodging sure to follow the implementation of bridge tolls.

In short, a tragically butchered two-way street plan edited to the very edge of insensibility (but campaign finance ready!) was formally approved, and the back-slapping commenced.

UPDATE: Two-ways streets in downtown New Albany are a go; Switch to be in place by end of next year, by Elizabeth Beilman (News and Tribune)

 ... "It's a shame it couldn't be done this year, but jumping through all the hoops with federal dollars and all — it's worth the wait," Warren Nash, board of works president, said.

The Federal Highway Administration will fund about $2 million of the project, leaving the city to pay $400,000.

My, my. What's even more shameful than a political time-server's breathtaking insincerity is the project's price tag of almost $3 million, for what amounts to an omnibus paving project with one (!) bicycle lane and the same old cluelessness from suburban-think city officials, who never have understood what Jeff Speck was saying, not once, and never will.

But the overarching point is summarized by this meme, encapsulating a question that has failed to occur to several dozen local newspaper reporters.

Verily, if the Downtown Grid Modernization Project (DGMP -- nice acronym, and the word for "poop" in Mongolian) is intended as a means of taming toll dodgers, and if the curative project won't be finished until a year after tolling begins, then WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR THE INTERVENING 12 MONTHS?

In order to be answered, the question must be asked, and you know the reaction if NAC tries to ask it.

What we'd surely get would be Team Gahan's tried-and-true boilerplate:

"You want answers? (Yawn) I'll check the Gahan for Next account, and if your name's not there, I'm sure the Indiana Public Access counselor has room on his schedule."

Two-way streets and one-way mentalities. What could possibly go wrong?

Before I drift into unconsciousness, here's a link where you can learn more about the advent of Kerry Stemler's auto-erotic tolling boondoggle, with an added bonus of an economic development study that didn't include independent local businesses, as well as typically incoherent testimony from State Senator Ron Grooms, who has been trying for five years to explain why he never grasped the impact of tolling during the time when he performed yeoman's service as One Southern Indiana lapdog.

But damn, those royalty checks come in handy when it's time to buy groceries, don't they, Ron?

Drivers brace for start of bridge tolls, by Madeleine Winer (Courier-Journal)

With the arrival of the holiday season comes colder weather, family gatherings and this year, for Kentuckiana, bridge tolls.

For the thousands of drivers who cross the Ohio River daily, that also means toll dodging or buying a transponder and setting up an account with RiverLink, the electronic tolling system that could cost them more than $40 a month.

The composition of Jeff Gahan's comprehensive plan steering committee guarantees yet another business-as-usual silo, and compels me to vomit.

The gang that can't shoot (or think) straight now seeks to institutionalize the incomprehension so that future generations of New Albanians can suffer just as readily as we are.

Mighty nice of them. The plaques probably are being stamped as we retch.

New Albany's new Comprehensive Plan to be happily midwifed by precisely the same old suspects.

And you think I'm kidding when I refer to this asylum as New Gahania?

The C-J's Madeleine Winer has updated her story to include comprehensive plan steering committee members, and here they are.

Members of the New Albany Comprehensive Plan Steering Committee

►Matt Chalfant, developer & owner of Chalfant Industries

►Wendy Dant Chesser, director of One Southern Indiana

►Corey Hughes, developer & real estate manager with Hughes Group

►Bill Wisehart, Director of Facilities for New Albany-Floyd County Schools

►Bob Norwood, New Albany Plan Commission President

►David Duggins, New Albany Director of Economic Development

►Ed Snelling, President of New Albany Elks Lodge #270

►Irving Joshua, New Albany Redevelopment Commission President

►John Rosenbarger, New Albany Public Facilities Director

►Larry Summers, New Albany City Engineer

►Paul Kiger, Realtor

►Rich Robinson, Develop New Albany

►Shane Gibson, Attorney for the City of New Albany

Two or three decent eggs, but not a single truly independent voice. It's the usual pay-to-play suspects and insider "economic development" yes-men. Think of it as a road map for partisan political payola from now until doomsday

Our friend Stephen adds this precise analysis:

It strikes me as odd, inappropriate, disappointing, insulting, thoughtless and more that a committee appointed to work on a comprehensive plan for the City of New Albany includes individuals who do not live in the city. At least one resides in another county. Impacts on this city's future need to be made by city residents. If they can't live here, they have no business "representing" those of us who do.

Jeff Gahan is remaking New Albany according to his "vision," and this should scare you far worse than Donald versus Hillary.

New Albany's new Comprehensive Plan to be happily midwifed by precisely the same old suspects.

I don't enjoy being the deliverer of Halloween nightmares.

Wait a minute -- yes I do.

New Albany drafting new city plan, by Madeleine Winer (Courier-Journal)

New Albany is asking for input on what its next 20 years of development will look like.

The city has started drafting a new comprehensive plan, which plots what improvements in transportation, housing, infrastructure and overall quality of life it would like to make over the next two decades. So far, the city worked with an engineering and development firm to create a rough draft of the plan and has hosted stakeholder and focus group meetings, said city spokesman Mike Hall.

“The comprehensive plan is a guiding tool and reference that we can use to help move New Albany forward for years to come," said Mayor Jeff Gahan in a statement. "By working together, we can ensure that we make New Albany the best city it can be for all of us, and we can work towards making our shared vision a reality."

Leading the plan's formation is a 13-person steering committee, consisting mainly of city officials, developers and redevelopment representatives. Engineering firms Bean Longest and Neff and HWC Engineers, both based out of Indianapolis, were hired to draft the plan. Both firms have also been hired to work on other city projects including converting some its one-way streets to two-way roads and the Mt. Tabor road restoration project.

Maybe this part will help you feel better.

Wendy Dant Chessler, steering committee member and president and CEO of One Southern Indiana, said her role on the committee is to think about what businesses' needs will be in the future and what development areas the city can help with. One Southern Indiana is the Chamber of Commerce for Clark and Floyd Counties with a good portion of its members with businesses in New Albany, she said.

"It gives us a clearer picture of what the community wants," she said, "and we figure out from there who to market it to to get those types of companies."

She said a big part of the plan is its zoning, which will determine what types of development can be built in certain areas of the city.

Apart from One Southern Indiana's familiar role as hen house fox with open palms, there's a familiar scorecard to update.

HWC Engineering: Gutted the Speck two-way plan ... remains the employer of the economic development director's wife ... now charged with writing a new comprehensive plan derived from the boilerplate input of the same old suspects.

And you think I'm kidding when I refer to this asylum as New Gahania?

An Orwellian wetting of beaks -- or, some thoughts about the Mt. Tabor arterial enfluffment and timbering project.

It's been a week since the Mt. Tabor Road neighborhood was spoon-fed details about road-building decisions already reached within the spacious confines of John Rosenbarger's self-satisfied aerie.

Following are a few random observations.

First, a resident who grasps the underlying essence of the controversy, as quoted by the News and Tribune's Jerod Clapp.

Mt. Tabor Road, Klerner Lane concerns linger in New Albany; Residents raise issues.

 ... “I’m really hoping all the bluster will go away and we can have these conversations,” Turner said. “We all want a safe road, but we don’t want all that industrial traffic.”

To reiterate, from inception the Mt. Tabor "project" was intended to add traffic to a neighborhood road regarded by the powers that flee as an arterial. Make the arterial easier to navigate, and what happens? Drivers fill the available space and drive faster.

Only later, reeling from criticism, did the city's spin doctors get to work in earnest, yielding the Mt. Tabor Road Restoration and Pedestrian Safety Project. That's a bushel of syllables, intended to give the arterial enhancement an Orwellian touch, and coming from people who rarely read.

How did they find those spiffy words?

By now, it should be clear how these projects work. To fund roadwork is to maintain the system of political patronage with the same-old construction and paving interests. To do so with federal 80-20 funding matches is better, because then someone else is priming the pump, and local monies that might go toward infrastructure improvements can instead be diverted to water slides and mobile concerts.

The aspect of federal funding means that roadwork like this is planned years in advance, almost never with public participation, which would require talking to real people and engaging with them.

Invariably, when proposed changes finally bubble to the surface (as these did in 2013), there is a cycle of opposition, typically mollified with minor changes, most of them pre-determined as expendable, as with the removal of the roundabout.

But you see, there's no way a euphemism like the Mt. Tabor Road Restoration and Pedestrian Safety Project cannot happen, once the federal funds have been committed. If someone else pays, the money must be used, whether to grease an arterial or construct a subway to Xanadu.

Beaks must be kept wet. This is the cycle of political life, and it need not be connected to master plans or larger truths. It simply is.

Back to Clapp's coverage.

 ... (Al) Knable said he understood the concerns of residents who don’t want more industrial traffic traveling to or from Grant Line Road. He said that could be an issue, but one the city council could resolve through reviewing the laws it has enacted.

“It might make this a more likely thoroughfare for some traffic,” Knable said. “It might be more attractive for trucks, so we may have to go back and rewrite some of our ordinances on truck traffic.”

I'm glad CM Knable said this. Might the council's attention be extended to whatever ordinance resulted in this sign hanging ignored at the intersection where no one at City Hall cares to protect the safety of pedestrians?

How many heavy trucks pass beneath this sign every single day?

Just saying, Doc. Just saying. Now, some love to the C-J ...

New Albany's Mt. Tabor road project draws ire, by Madeleine Winer (Courier Journal)

Plans to restore Mt. Tabor Road in New Albany have angered residents that live near and draw on the corridor.

 ... and finally, a prescient thought entirely lost in the hubbub, as offered by a 93-year-old homeowner on Mt. Tabor Road in a letter to the editor of the N & T.

Hundreds of trees will be lost. 

If the members of our lost Tree Board turn up anywhere, can someone ask them about this?

Funds transfer: It's somehow comforting to know that Dan Coffey's back off the rails.

He's come a long way, hasn't he?

Once upon a time, Councilman Cappuccino opposed every last municipal expenditure, ranging from the (now) miniscule YMCA tithe all the way down to a buck ninety-eight post-it notes for city office staff.

These days, the caterwauling and finger-pointing are deployed to support the incessant hum of Jeff Gahan's wondrous Eternal TIF ATM, and there can be only one reason for that: Finally we elected a mayor who understands the way that transaction fees are supposed to work.

Coffey is unopposed. If you live in the 1st council district and would consider running for council as an independent, please let us know.