In unprecedented act of territorial pissing, outraged dogs gather to protest Native Americans.

Belatedly addressing the Cannon Acres dog park fiasco, Mayor Gahan insists he watched "Dances with Wolves" on the VCR over the weekend.

"Native Americans just love Frisbee golf," said the mayor.

Gil Corsey offers a follow-up to last night's WDRB report. For the first time, Mayor Jeff Gahan has emerged from his down-low bunker, pushed David Duggins aside, and taken one himself.

Local Native Americans aim to protect New Albany's Cannon Acres Park from dog park plans

The city of New Albany wants to build a dog park on the land off Budd Road and Highway 111 as part of Mayor Jeff Gahan's recreational improvement plan.

"There's a Frisbee golf course here, as well as a dog park with a water feature," Gahan said. "A great place for people to enjoy with their family."

The city has already sketched the outline for the dog park, with orange flags dotting the land. Construction was supposed to start this week.

"Right now the last thing we'd want to do is be disrespectful to anyone," Gahan said.

There's more to come. Anyone seen the newspaper?

---

Previously at NAC:

Tony Nava on WDRB: "Would we want to use a church grounds as a dog park?"

4:00 p.m. today: Citizens trying to save a Native American church from being used as an inappropriate and unnecessary dog park.

Commentary: Amid quintessential City Hall arrogance, a petition to "save the Cannon Acres Native American site."

Dog crap on a sacred area: Jeff Gahan moves timeline forward, with the desecration of a 3,000-6,000 Native American site to begin Monday.

An AWOL Jeff Gahan evades Native American activist seeking dialogue about potential site destruction at the dog park.

The city of New Albany may soon try to destroy a 3,000 to 6,000 year old Native American site to build a dog park.

Two very different ways of inducing a Padgett erection.

Remember: If your erection should last more than 4 years ...

"How will it affect handicapped access?"

I'll admit my sampling is small, but having attended more than a few Board of Public Works and Safety meetings over the years, I'm hard pressed to recall requests for curb cuts, sidewalk overhauls, construction projects, special event fencing or pot luck lawn suppers being greeted with a simple question:

"How will it affect handicapped access?"

In fact, any project undertaken within spitting distance of a sidewalk should be prefaced with this inquiry. A coherent response should constitute the minimum, prior to rote approvals being granted and campaign finance tithes conglomerated.

Right, Mr. Naps?

Yo, wheelchair users -- wanna head north on 5th? Just use as that OTHER side.

Tony Nava on WDRB: "Would we want to use a church grounds as a dog park?"

Above are views from yesterday's 4:00 p.m. media conference. Below is the link to WDRB's story. Follow the link to view the video. We're still transcribing the gurgling sounds emitted by Mayor Gahan in response.

New Albany residents worried Native American historical site may be turned into dog park

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (WDRB) -- Some New Albany residents are concerned that a Native American historical site will be turned into a dog park.

Tony Nava says archaeologists from the Department of Natural resources found artifacts belonging to the Shawnee and Mississippian tribes at the Cannon Acres Park. While a more extensive search has not been completed to determine if the area is a burial ground, he says either way it's disrespectful to have a dog go to the bathroom in an area that he considers sacred.

Previously at NAC:

4:00 p.m. today: Citizens trying to save a Native American church from being used as an inappropriate and unnecessary dog park.

Commentary: Amid quintessential City Hall arrogance, a petition to "save the Cannon Acres Native American site."

Dog crap on a sacred area: Jeff Gahan moves timeline forward, with the desecration of a 3,000-6,000 Native American site to begin Monday.

An AWOL Jeff Gahan evades Native American activist seeking dialogue about potential site destruction at the dog park.

The city of New Albany may soon try to destroy a 3,000 to 6,000 year old Native American site to build a dog park.

There's a stealth street piano placement underway. Let's hope Warren and the Boredettes approved it, or things might get wacky.

This being New Albany, it isn't clear whether the piano was purposefully placed at this corner, or merely dumped from a passing pickup.

Let's hope Warren and the Boredettes have approved these repurposed news racks, lest we endure the sequel to Street Piano Interruptus (2015 Remix).

4:00 p.m. today: Citizens trying to save a Native American church from being used as an inappropriate and unnecessary dog park.

Local Native American activists are meeting the media today at 4:00 p.m. at 1933 Budd Road, which I take to mean the parking area of the soccer complex. 

For some readers, it may seem that the controversy surrounding the city's decision to construct a dog park atop a 3,000 to 6,000 year old Native American site has come out of nowhere. It hasn't. The Navas have been monitoring the disposition of the Cannon Acres land since the ideas for various parks were first minted more than a decade ago.

This is ongoing. The Navas do what they can, as they're able.

Meanwhile, the development of the dog park has taken place in the usual back corridors, largely out of sight, with no public meetings devoted to discussion, and a new found urgency to get the bulldozers moving once it was learned there would be principled opposition.

It's disgraceful.

Concurrently, there has been no groundswell of support for this dog park. It is being built in a place that is inappropriate, both by virtue of proximity to a Native American ceremonial site, and because it is completely removed from the urban center, where it might actually be useful.

Moreover, it's yet another sickening example of Team Gahan's utter refusal to communicate. Tony Nava wanted to speak to Mayor Jeff Gahan, and simply could not get past the gatekeepers. Gahan almost certainly would have responded to priests, pastors and rabbis if similar concerns were being voiced about their religious locales.

Gahan's response to Nava was to shunt the complaint to the economic development director, David Duggins, who has told all and sundry that the dog park is "his" project.

Entirely apart from the justified, long-term concerns of the Navas and their friends in the preservation community, how have we come to a juncture where the mayor won't speak to people, and the economic development director is in control of a parks project?   

Two things need to happen.

First, Gahan needs to realize that a Native American ceremonial site is as important as a boys high school basketball game, and that citizens need to be communicated WITH, as opposed to AT.

Second, the dog park project needs to be delayed, so as to afford Nava a fair hearing, and to stage a public meeting about the stakes involved with Gahan's decision to move forward with the inappropriate Cannon Acres site.

Shannon Nava has posted on Facebook.

---

So meanwhile ... while people sit in their pews this morning in their designated churches, my husband is trying to save our church from the city trying to build a public dog park. 

Some of you may not know this, but New Albany is trying to destroy a potentially 6000 year old CEREMONIAL Mississippian site. There have been archaeological digs, actually two phases. Currently, no bodies have been found BUT there have been significant finds, dating back to archaic times. 

Pottery shards with intricate archaic designs, derbage, arrowheads, FRC, hammer stones, and so much more have been found. If you have ever visited the land, you would have noticed three large mounds. They are pretty hard to miss even after over 100 years of plowing (it was a family farm,and the land was used for hay). 

They even found items that proved there were slave quarters, which we confirmed yesterday through a gentleman who has lived in the area for the entirety of his 65 years. 

Anthony has been working on saving this site since 2003. We know now that the city has misallocated funds from a federal grant to use for the phase two archaeological survey. 

So, sound off folks! How do you feel about this so called "public" dog park that community members will have to pay to be members to use? 

How do you feel about the city building a dog park over a significant American Indian historical site? 

How would you feel if you someone brought their dog into your church to take a crap? If you're not happy about it, like us ... meet us today at 1933 Budd Road, New Albany @ 4 o'clock to tell the press how you feel.

The city already have construction crews and their equipment waiting to get started moving earth first thing tomorrow (Monday) morning, after they promised they would wait three weeks to talk more to the native people.

Help us save it.

---

Previously at NAC:

Commentary: Amid quintessential City Hall arrogance, a petition to "save the Cannon Acres Native American site."

Dog crap on a sacred area: Jeff Gahan moves timeline forward, with the desecration of a 3,000-6,000 Native American site to begin Monday.

An AWOL Jeff Gahan evades Native American activist seeking dialogue about potential site destruction at the dog park.

The city of New Albany may soon try to destroy a 3,000 to 6,000 year old Native American site to build a dog park.

Do something fast, or else he'll start drawing up plays.

Nixon's tricks not in Redskins' playbook, by Jennifer Allen (ESPN)

In Finland, a monthly allowance and the elimination of welfare services?

It's not quite as good as the local Democratic party's "bonus paving points" voter gifts, but we'll keep our minds open to the possibilities.

The Finnish Model , by Guy Sorman (City Journal)

... Economists and sociologists in universities, laboratories, and foundations provide a steady stream of fresh approaches to these problems. But politicians don’t seem to read much these days, preferring the advice of a closed circle of marketing consultants and dried-up slogan manufacturers. This makes Finland’s move toward instituting a universal basic income (UBI)—often referred to by economists as a negative income tax—all the more refreshing. The negative income tax is often associated with the free-market economist Milton Friedman, who defended it with passion and flair in the 1970s.

This year, the Finnish government hopes to begin granting every adult citizen a monthly allowance of €800 (roughly $900). Whether rich or poor, each citizen will be free to use the money as he or she sees fit. The idea is that people are responsible for their actions. If someone decides to spend their €800 on vodka, that is their decision, and has nothing to do with the government. In return for the UBI, however, the public accepts the elimination of most welfare services.

On serendipity and Sicily, unpacked.

The Confidentials are taking a holiday in Sicily this November, and therein lies a brief tale of fortuitous convergences.

Starting at near the beginning, I've never been scientifically inclined, but in grade school, there was a brief (dare we say explosive?) period of fascination with volcanoes. One might say that this interest has remained dormant for more than forty years.

Much later I visited Italy several times, though not since 1989, and always in Rome and points north.

Last year the reading rotation led to a book called The Pursuit of Italy: A History of a Land, Its Regions, and Their Peoples, by David Gilmour, and I could feel something stirring. Gilmour's primary point is that in spite of 140 years as unified country, Italy has remained a place defined primarily by regional identities.

Another book I started but didn't finish is a biography of the painter Caravaggio, written by a British art historian named David Graham-Dixon, of whom I knew nothing at the time.

While reading Gilmour's history, I made friends on Facebook with Fabio, the owner of a specialty beer bar in Arezzo (near Florence). Social media might be a crock, but having a pen pal is a timeless thrill. I began plotting to someday go to his city, meet up with him, and have a beer or three. This will have to wait, though I'm sure it will happen eventually.

In early 2016, at loose ends, and as part and parcel of a strange process of catching up with personal interests perched on the back burner during 25 years of the beer business, I became obsessed with YouTube documentaries about writers and artists. This brought me to Graham-Dixon's various BBC series, including one about Caravaggio.

Finally, a few weeks ago, an inexpensive package to Catania, Sicily bobbed to the surface. At first I was disinterested, but due diligence rectified my rusty geography. Catania? That's where Mt. Etna is, and Mt. Etna is a living volcano, which emitted spectacular fireworks as recently as last December.

In turn, this travel decision led back to YouTube, and Sicily Unpacked, a travelogue from 2012 starring Graham-Dixon (the art historian) and Giorgio Locatelli, the latter a "cook" who owns a Michelin-starred eatery in London.

Because ... food, and wine, and even a couple of "craft" breweries in Catania.

Near the end of the duo's Sicilian journey, they're at a vineyard in the shadow of Etna (screenshot above). While the winemaker discusses his work with Graham-Dixon, Locatelli steals away to the kitchen with a handful of grape leaves, which he dredges in a batter of eggs, beer and flour, then fries in a pan. They accompany with unique local white wine.

That's what I'm saying. The Sicilians also have a regional specialty of pasta with fresh sardines. It is both painful and ecstatic to watch, but you must.

Such was the success of Sicily Unpacked that the series has been followed by three further installments under the title of Italy Unpacked. That's nine hours of further viewing, and I'm looking forward to it.

You can link to Sicily Unpacked's first episode here, then figure it out for yourself.

Sicily Unpacked succeeds where many travelogues fail, by Emma Lundin (The Guardian)

Just when we thought there was no life left in the TV travelogue, along comes one that is so good it could revive the whole genre. Sicily Unpacked – BBC2's Friday-night road-trip starring art critic Andrew Graham-Dixon and Michelin-starred chef Giorgio Locatelli – might have looked like another celebrity-led vehicle, but it has proved to be inspirational.

"Stock the Shelves" at the Carnegie Center this April.

Today's second post about books.

Verbatim from Laura:

---

During the month of April, we're asking for your help to "Stock the Shelves" in our new family space with new or gently-used art books!

Since the move of the Yenawine Dioramas from the Carnegie Center for Art and History to the New Albany-Floyd County Public Library in November 2015, Carnegie Center staff has been busy planning a new family space in the gallery area where the dioramas were displayed – the Yenawine Dioramas were the Carnegie Center’s main activity especially for families for many years. One feature will be a number of bookshelves that families can peruse to learn more about art and artists, and now the Carnegie Center needs your help to “stock the shelves”!

Parents and children are shown enjoying our 2008 exhibit The Art of Reading. This exhibit featured artworks on the theme of family literacy by 13 local artists, as well as a Storybook Castle children's activity gallery with reading-related crafts and a cozy reading area. Photos courtesy of the Community Foundation of Southern Indiana.

The Carnegie Center is seeking new or gently used, art-related coffee table books and art-related hardback books for children. Each book received will be fitted with a special Carnegie Center bookplate to recognize the donor. The Stock the Shelves Art Book Drive will take place April 1-30, 2016, and donors can drop books off at the Carnegie Center during regular museum hours (Tuesday-Saturday, 10:00 am-5:30 pm).

As a department of the New Albany-Floyd County Public Library, the Carnegie Center is also holding the Stock the Shelves Art Book Drive in conjunction with National Library Week, April 10-16, 2016. First sponsored in 1958, National Library Week is a national observance sponsored by the American Library Association (ALA) and libraries across the country each April. It is a time to celebrate the contributions of our nation's libraries and librarians and to promote library use and support. All types of libraries - school, public, academic and special - participate. The 2016 National Library Week theme is “Libraries Transform”, and as both a former Carnegie Library, and a current department of the NA-FC Public Library, the Carnegie Center for Art and History is a longtime advocate for the transformative power of libraries, museums, learning, and art.

Thank you, and we hope you can help us round up some great art books for our new family space.

Laura Wilkins, Marketing

Commentary: Amid quintessential City Hall arrogance, a petition to "save the Cannon Acres Native American site."

Anthony Nava has started a petition at Change.org.

Petitioning State Representative Edward Clere (to) Save the Cannon Acres Native American site

Cannon Acres contains a 3,000 year old to present-day archaeological site. This is at risk due to the city wanting to build a dog park. If this happens we may lose this site forever. This site has been used by the Mississippian people to the woodland people of the Shawnee as well as a rich history that is local to New Albany.

At Fb, Nava was asked a relevant question.

Is there no state or federal law preventing this? I thought this kind of thing had to be thoroughly researched and approved if it involved a Native site.

His answer:

When it comes to Native rights we are second hand citizens. The NHPA is supposed to protect sacred sites but since the city is self-funded it's a loophole in the law, that they operate by the skin of their teeth. But if Federal monies are or were used to develop the site they would have to answer to sect 106 of the NHPA act.

The issue of the dog park/archaeological site arose prior to Thursday's city council meeting (see links here), following Nava's unsuccessful efforts to speak directly with Mayor Gahan about his concerns.

I noticed local architect Larry Timperman in attendance on Thursday night, sitting through the meeting without saying anything, and now it has been revealed that Timperman (the dog park designer?) was sent by City Hall to rebut objections to the dog park design that might arise should Nava or others attend the meeting.

It's dejà vu all over again.

Time after time, it's the same story. The more it becomes necessary for Gahan to lead, the less he is inclined to do so, and the more his handlers keep him swaddled, mummified, like the proverbial Russian baby. It's become almost comical.

Referencing another recent hot button issue: If rental property registration, inspection and enforcement really are such critical "musts," then why did four long years pass without Gahan lifting a finger to help the city's "vulnerable" renters, "as they are forced into sub-standard housing"?

Why did he fail to mention these vulnerable citizens at all during his re-election campaign?

And how could he not come in person to a city council meeting to make his rental reform case, and face the rental property owners in attendance?

Accordingly, Gahan might have spoken directly to Nava, and almost surely would have done so were Nava a priest, minister or rabbi -- you know, the sort of respectable religious personages who'd be safe to invite to your mayoral prayer breakfast.

Instead, Nava was shunted to David "Gatekeeper" Duggins, who is the city's economic development chieftain, and one whose energies might be devoted to filling the gaping hole formerly known as Pillsbury, rather than acting as dog park liaison.

Why is the minister of economics in charge of the city's park system?

City Hall also might have tackled Nava's objections head on, by releasing a statement detailing its side, or by having Timperman speak to the council in a pro-active, rather than sandbag passive, mode.

Why? Because openness and transparency play no role in "governance" as conducted from the white-bread, down-low bunker.

Meanwhile, six months have passed since the News and Tribune bothered to employ a New Albany beat reporter, and as this latest story has emerged, dozens of Clark County articles have been filed. An awards banquet trophy win has been trumpeted, a reality television show set in the Clark County jail lauded, and hundreds of ads about a cooking school (in Jeffersonville, of course) hoisted. The most recent New Albany council meeting was covered via press release and interview.

I do what I can, but it'd be nice to have some help every now and then. 

My goal at present is to find someone not already employed by the city to make the case for the dog park at Gahan's chosen Budd Road location. The mayor notoriously exaggerated a purported tidal wave of demand for aquatic center and parks project prioritized ahead of those vulnerable (take a number, take a seat -- I've got a pool to build) rental dwellers, but at least a handful of people tepidly showed support for water-borne recreation in some form or another.

However, I've yet to encounter a single instance of dog park advocacy undertaken in a public forum. 

I'll gladly turn over a blog post, sans editorial comment, to the first reader undertaking to explain the urgency of doggie recreation when the city's one-way streets continue to sap property values, degrade neighborhood quality of life, and contradict small business investment in downtown.

Meanwhile, Nava soldiers on.

Shouldn't Jeff Gahan speak with him? 

Dog crap on a sacred area: Jeff Gahan moves timeline forward, with the desecration of a 3,000-6,000 Native American site to begin Monday.

Why not green infrastructure in New Albany? "Turning Stormwater Runoff Into Everyone's Business."

It's about green versus gray infrastructure.

How many trees have been chopped down in New Albany the past couple of weeks?

Turning Stormwater Runoff Into Everyone's Business, by Julian Spector

D.C.’s marketplace for stormwater retention credits wasn't taking off, but a new investment could change that.

 ... While a massive $2.6 billion tunnel system is underway to deal with some of the runoff, it’s not enough. That’s why the city turned to green infrastructure: rain gardens, green roofs, permeable surfaces, and leafy drainage ditches known as bioswales that filter and store extra rainwater, easing the load on the sewer system. These options cost much less than “gray infrastructure” and they make the city prettier and more enjoyable.

And using market forces to achieve it?

But the city can’t pay for it all by itself. That’s why, in 2013, the District Department of Energy and Environment came up with a new idea to get more green spaces scattered around the area. The agency created retention credits, available to homeowners, churches, businesses, and anyone else with land that could be upgraded to retain more rainwater. Those credits can then be sold to developers who may need them in order to meet the retention requirements for large new building projects.

I can hear Chairman Adam Disney now:

"But where's the campaign finance in THAT?"

Let's hope Warren and the Boredettes have approved these repurposed news racks, lest we endure the sequel to Street Piano Interruptus (2015 Remix).

Photo credit: First linked article below.

From 2015, a fuller explanation of the project from the newspaper, via the Indiana Economic Digest.

Repurposed newspaper racks to transform into Little Free Libraries

The News and Tribune, the Arts Council of Southern Indiana and naming sponsor Schmitt Furniture are launching an initiative to repurpose newspaper distribution boxes into Little Free Library locations that will be placed throughout neighborhoods and downtowns in Clark and Floyd counties.

From earlier in the week, the Arts Council's update at Fb.

Schmitt Furniture News Rack Little Free Library Project

Thank you to Sierra Wiese! To those without the pleasure of knowing her, she is a member of the Community Foundation of Southern Indiana, Youth Philanthropy Council and Student Council President of Jeffersonville High School, who delivered 600 books for our Schmitt Furniture News Rack Little Free Library Project!

Dog crap on a sacred area: Jeff Gahan moves timeline forward, with the desecration of a 3,000-6,000 Native American site to begin Monday.

Previously at NAC:

The city of New Albany may soon try to destroy a 3,000 to 6,000 year old Native American site to build a dog park.

An AWOL Jeff Gahan evades Native American activist seeking dialogue about potential site destruction at the dog park.

Anthony Nava provides an update. According to Nava, the start of construction has been moved forward, to begin Monday, March 21.

OK, THIS WILL BE IN CAPS TO GET YOUR ATTENTION: THE CITY OF NEW ALBANY HAS MOVED THEIR TIME LINE FORWARD FOR THE DOG PARK. THIS MAY DESTROY A 3000-6000 YEAR OLD NATIVE CEREMONIAL SITE . PLEASE CALL CITY HALL MONDAY AND HAVE THEM STOP THIS DESECRATION OF A NATIVE SITE. PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD, POST TO YOUR PAGE AND ANY WEBSITES YOU KNOW ASAP. LET'S TELL THE MAYOR AND THE CITY WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS DESTRUCTION OF HISTORY SO DOGS WILL HAVE A PLAY TO CRAP ON A SACRED SITE TO THE NATIVE PEOPLE OF THE AREA. CALL DAN CRISTIANI EXCAVATING TO NO DESTROY THIS SITE AS WELL.

Signage disparities at the State Street Parking Garage.

Use of the parking garage emerged as a topic at Tuesday morning's merchant meeting.

There are two problems with the explanation above (particularly "evenings and weekends") as printed on recently installed exterior signage.

First, the print is too small to be gleaned by passing motorists who want to know the story without stopping. As most business owners would tell you, better to approach it like this, with a mostly truthful bait 'n' switch:

FREE PARKING

*with certain periodic exceptions

Moreover, exterior and interior signs don't tell the same overall story with respect to permit and public spaces ...

 ... and the interior signs make no mention of the free times. It's misleading, and the interior signs need to be brought up to date.

None of this explains the parking garage's chronic emptiness -- here, on a Wednesday evening around 7 p.m.

Part of it is cultural. Part of it is the idiocy of our auto-centric straitjacket. Part of it is the inability of downtown stakeholders to think consistently beyond their front doors, to the larger street (and parking) grid spread over numerous square blocks, one best understood (and overhauled) by urban-oriented solutions taking place all over the country.

But those parking garage signs ... at least they can be harmonized, can't they?

Dear Shawnee Baptist Church: Want to do something for my neighborhood? Start by not littering it. Thank you.

203 years later, New Albany has a rental property registration ordinance. Expect inspection and enforcement to follow, circa 2219.

Last evening's city council took place against a backdrop of St. Paddy's (NOT PATTY'S) Day carousing and NCAA athlete exploitation bracketeering.

From the standpoint of local journalism, events of equally critical importance were occurring elsewhere, including a self-aggrandizing One Southern Indiana awards ceremony and a reality television show about a jail.

Somewhere, there may have been a cooking class.

Council meeting attendance was down drastically compared with the highly entertaining rental property owner apocalypse last Monday, proving yet again that absent proper marketing, our legislative body simply cannot put butts in seats.

Maybe our council needs a Bobblehead night.

When the final gavel sounded, the meeting room emptied faster than a flagon of Bud Light Lime at a Democratic Party fluff-a-thon, but at least a few items of business were accomplished.

Thornton's can build a shiny new memorial to auto-centrism on State Street, the plans for which were chillingly referred to by Bob Caesar as "nice."

Oh yes, and for the first time in the city's history, rental properties will be registered.

Expect the real struggle to begin now, as the usual suspects seek to retard or eliminate any meaningful enforcement mechanism.

In Toronto: "It’s time to let street parking go." In New Albany: It's time to talk about streets.

Once again, it is my suggestion that merchants and other downtown stakeholders familiarize themselves with concepts of urbanism.

Grow up, Toronto. It’s time to let street parking go, by Marcus Gee (The Globe and Mail)

... There is one major barrier: our lingering attachment to easy street parking. Some merchants on Bloor are already complaining about how their business will suffer when the city takes out a lane of parking to make way for the cyclists. This sort of backlash can be expected whenever the city proposes to remove street-parking spots for any reason.

Some motorists seem to consider it their Charter right to pull up right in front of their neighbourhood hardware store to buy a box of screws. Some shop owners consider it a threat to their very existence if customers can’t park more than a few steps away. It’s a reasonable attitude if you live in Cornwall or Gravenhurst. In the increasingly dense and busy centre of Canada’s biggest city, it’s absurd to expect such a Corner Gas way of life.

ON THE AVENUES: Erin Go Blagh -- a timeless classic for a green-hued holiday.

ON THE AVENUES: Erin Go Blagh -- a timeless classic for a green-hued holiday.

A weekly web column by Roger A. Baylor.

Yes, it’s St. Patrick’s Day again.

Time to endure the tasteless annual outbursts of shamrock-mounted hokum fueled by wretched green-colored lager, not to mention the inability of many revelers to get the holiday’s nickname right.

Paddy Not Patty: A Modest Proposal to the People of the New World

It’s Paddy, not Patty – EVER.

Still, those possessed of genuine Irishness, whether by birth or disposition, somehow manage to tolerate these varied outrages with good humor and eternal grace.

But given my German ancestry, I’m under no corresponding obligation, so let the rant begin.

In 2016, the scheduling Gods are perversely inclined, having placed a New Albany city council blarney bash to begin precisely at 7:00 p.m. on St. Patrick’s Day, evidently to serve as a sort of twisted exclamation point.

Well, Dan Coffey’s blarney is downright barmy, and even gin is green when you place the bottle in front of an official city flag – assuming Team Gahan hasn’t secretly changed the color to Disney Blue.

The following commentary, originally penned at least 15 years ago for an e-newsletter called “Hot Trub” by a witty East Coast bartender named Chris Halleron, remains my favorite view of St. Patrick’s Day from the service industry’s perspective.

Some references are dated, but it has remained remarkably accurate. I read it once a year, dissolve into laughter, and stay home throughout the day to avoid the mayhem.

For safe passage to the council meeting, I may need to borrow someone’s Hummer.

Permission to reprint has been provided by the author.

----

Erin Go Blah

Recently a friend asked if I was free to do something on St. Patrick's Day, but I explained that asking a bartender to take that day off is like asking an accountant to blow off work on April 14.

It is the busy season for bartenders, when we get to see all those cheapskate rookies who haven't spent a dime in the bar since they threw up in the corner on New Year's Eve but now decide to poke their heads out of their holes and celebrate the Feast of St. Patrick.

While most people celebrate St. Patrick's Day on March 17, where I come from it seems to last longer than Mardi Gras in N'Awlins (coincidentally, that's also taking place right now). Hoboken, New Jersey, where I tend bar, has its parade the first Saturday of March every year, so as not to compete with the mega-parade across the Hudson in Manhattan on the actual St. Patrick's Day.

Other communities in New Jersey spread their celebrations out in the interim, creating one thick fog of overindulgence week after week until finally the corned beef and cabbage comes out and everybody is too sick to eat it.

Normally I'd be all for such a celebration, but for the fact that somebody has to work these things -- and once again that somebody is me. While I'm surely preaching to the choir with this column, I'd like to share some misconceptions and social faux pas regarding St. Patrick's Day that I've had the displeasure of observing over years:

· "Kiss Me I'm Irish" buttons will get you nowhere with the ladies.

· There is no "Official" Beer of St. Patrick's Day. Despite all its recent financial difficulties, the Catholic Church has yet to seek corporate sponsorship of its saints' feast days (though it may only be a matter of time…).

· The same goes for "Official" St. Patrick's Day Headquarters--as if that stinky dive down the street with the broken urinal would actually be the epicenter of the world's St. Patrick's Day celebration.

· Just because Mario's Bar and Grill has a shamrock in the window, it doesn't necessarily make it an Irish bar.

· In most circles, House of Pain's "Jump Around" is not considered traditional Irish music.

· Ask any brewer and they'll tell you -- when a beer turns green it's a BAD thing.

· Killian's Irish Red is made in Golden, Colorado, not Enniscorthy, Ireland.

· Killarney's is from St. Louis, Missouri, not Killarney, Ireland.

· The number-one selling lager in Ireland is Budweiser.

· Guinness is most certainly not a microbrewery (I can't make this stuff up -- I swear I actually heard someone say that once).

· Asking a bartender to put a shamrock on the top of a well-poured Guinness is like asking Da Vinci to put a mustache on the Mona Lisa.

· Not only is the "Irish Car Bomb" (a pint glass half full of Guinness with a shot glass of Bailey’s and Jameson dropped in) an appalling name for a drink, the waste of Guinness and Jameson in some novelty shooter is nothing short of blasphemy. Save the “Boilermakers” for the Milwaukee’s Best and enjoy a quality beverage the way it's meant to be enjoyed.

· A pint of Guinness takes a while to be poured properly -- if you're in a hurry then order something else.

· Guinness in a plastic cup is a travesty, no matter how busy the bar is.

· The plural of Guinness is Guinness, not Guinnesses.

· More often than not, Irish people (by that, I mean people born and raised in Ireland) couldn't give a rat's arse what town your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather left during the Potato Famine.

· There is no room for a discussion of Irish politics in a crowded bar.

· The stereotype of drunken Irish bar-fighters applies mostly to Irish-Americans.

· The Irish pastime of hurling is not what most people in this country think it means.

· No matter what you may have heard or read, a traditional Irish breakfast DOES NOT consist of a six-pack and a potato.

· No, I'd rather not wear a silly plastic green hat while I'm working, but thanks for the offer.

· There is no "siesta" napping on the bar for St. Patrick's Day -- you have that confused with Cinco de Mayo, which is two months away.

· Just because the bar is open all day and all night doesn't necessarily mean you have to be there drinking the whole time.

· Just because you gave me a big tip doesn't give you carte blanche for being an @$$hole!!!

Despite all my bitches, gripes and complaints, I'm well aware that there's a lot of earning of the green that goes along with the wearing of the green. So it looks like I'll once again have to "Er-Grin 'n' Go Bear-it" as I look forward to the pot o' gold at the end o' me rainbow -- the long, messy rainbow that it is.

In the meantime, may the road rise to meet the rest o' ye, and Sláinte ... from the bitter bollocks behind the bar.

---

March 10: ON THE AVENUES: A funny thing happened on the way to a city council nightcap.

March 3: ON THE AVENUES: Since 1960, outside looking in.

February 29: ON THE AVENUES REPRISE: Die hard the Hunter, or the political "impossibility" of rental property registration in New Albany (2015).

February 25: ON THE AVENUES: Gravity Head again, because times change, and possessive pronouns change with them.

Chuck Freiberger: Hospital sale non-transparency is bad, while Team Gahan non-transparency is ... THUMP THUMP -- is this thing on?

Sorry, Chuck.

As much as I agree with you that the hospital sale process has been dismally non-transparent as finagled by the GOP-dominated county apparatus, we've endured precisely the same non-transparent operating regimen by the city's Democratic regime.

Give me a goose/gander "fair's fair" non-transparency denunciation of Team Gahan, and I'll emit a concurrent roar.

Until then, it's back to the liquor cabinet and a fresh round of yawns.

Floyd Memorial Hospital sale process debated; Commissioners take non-binding vote on Baptist deal, by Chris Morris (Neues River Ridge)

NEW ALBANY — Tuesday night, it was the Floyd County Commissioners turn to take a non-binding vote to proceed with the sale of Floyd Memorial Hospital and Health Services to Baptist Healthcare System.

But unlike the Floyd County Council last week, it was far from unanimous.

Commissioners Steve Bush and Mark Seabrook, both Republicans, voted in favor to proceed with the deal while Democrat Chuck Freiberger voted against it, saying he does not have enough information on the sale and was not kept in the loop during negotiations.

The debate became quite spirited between the commissioners. Seabrook was a member of the task force that negotiated the deal.

"I heard there were 13 bidders, but I don't know who they are. I don't know what the bids were," Freiberger said. "Transparency is a problem. The hospital belongs to the taxpayers, the taxpayers paid for it. The taxpayers don't know who the bidders were. The public should have been told."

Joe's Crab Shack and an actual photo of a lynching used as "decoration."

“The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history.”
― George Orwell

Some stories are too ridiculous for words. This is one of them.

WHAT?! A LYNCHING PHOTOGRAPH AS RESTAURANT DECORATION, by David Weinfeld (The Rail)

It’s not uncommon for restaurants to incorporate black-and-white photographs into their overall interior design and atmosphere. These images can depict any range of events, from periods in local history to sports championships. They are meant to add to a restaurant’s ambiance and support its unique story as a brand, but, in the case of a Joe’s Crab Shack in Minnesota, the restaurant should have paid closer attention to what it was putting on its walls and tables.

During a recent visit to Joe’s Crab Shack in Roseville, Minnesota, customers Tyrone Williams and Chauntyll Allen discovered that their tabletop had a photo embedded in it that was both shocking and disturbing. The graphic image depicted two black men being lynched by an angry mob. To make matters worse, it had a cartoon speech bubble that read, “All I said was that I didn’t like the gumbo.”

After doing some quick research, the couple learned that the photo was from a real-life execution that occurred in 1896. Given the racial injustice that existed during that period of time, it was typical to pin crimes on black men. Independent of its historical provenance, I think we can all agree that such images have no place in any restaurant.

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Elegiac.

Welcome to another installment of SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS, a regular Wednesday feature at NA Confidential.

But why new words? Why not the old, familiar, comforting words?

It's because a healthy vocabulary isn't about trying to show rental property owners you're smarter than them. To the contrary, it's about selecting the right word and using it correctly, whatever one's pay grade or station in life.

Even municipal corporate attorneys are eligible for this enlightening expansion of personal horizons, and really, for those of us watching as the mayor advocates a doggie dumpie park atop what amounts to a Native American church, all we really have is time on our hands -- moments enough for us to learn something.

As with hagiography last week, a prime motivator for considering the word "elegiac" is strictly personal, as I've been known to mispronounce both of them. More on that shortly.

As a noun, elegy is a "poem of serious reflection, typically a lament for the dead." Strictly speaking, elegiac is an adjective denoting the quality of an elegy.

elegiac

[el-i-jahy-uh k, -ak, ih-lee-jee-ak]

adjective

1. used in, suitable for, or resembling an elegy.
2. expressing sorrow or lamentation: elegiac strains.
3. Classical Prosody. noting a distich or couplet the first line of which is a dactylic hexameter and the second a pentameter, or a verse differing from the hexameter by suppression of the arsis or metrically unaccented part of the third and the sixth foot.

Origin of elegiac 

1575-85; (< Middle French) < Latin elegīacus < Greek elegeiakós. See elegy, -ac

The written pronunciation doesn't really capture it. Listening to the audio, I'd render it el-i-JAI-ik. Concurrently, the British Dictionary offers what seems to me a clearer take.

1. resembling, characteristic of, relating to, or appropriate to an elegy
2. lamenting; mournful; plaintive

I'm not interested in formal elegiac couplets. Rather, it is the mournful and plaintive quality, often in the context of a song, film or work or art -- maybe even a gesture or expression. An example:

"Enola/Alone: Quite simply, probably the greatest Manics single that never was -- an elegiac rush of Brit-rock genius."

After the Ides: Ron Whitehead and H. L. Mencken.

On Fb, Ron Whitehead.

No matter what I will forever stand against evil. Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are evil. And I refuse to vote for the lesser of two evils: Hilary Clinton. Hilary Clinton is what was once upon a time known as a Moderate Republican. Even though Clinton has the lead Sanders is still in the race. If Sanders loses I refuse to vote for Clinton, the lesser of two evils. But by God I'm not leaving America. I'll continue to proclaim resistance poetry on the streets, in the valleys and from the mountain tops!!
Ron Whitehead, Kentucky Poet

Perhaps ninety years ago, H. L. Mencken.

Where is the graveyard of dead gods? What lingering mourner waters their mounds? There was a time when Jupiter was the king of the gods, and any man who doubted his puissance was ipso facto a barbarian and an ignoramus. But where in all the world is there a man who worships Jupiter today? And who of Huitzilopochtli? In one year - and it is no more than five hundred years ago - 50,000 youths and maidens were slain in sacrifice to him. Today, if he is remembered at all, it is only by some vagrant savage in the depths of the Mexican forest. Huitzilopochtli, like many other gods, had no human father; his mother was a virtuous widow; he was born of an apparently innocent flirtation that she carried out with the sun.

When he frowned, his father, the sun, stood still. When he roared with rage, earthquakes engulfed whole cities. When he thirsted he was watered with 10,000 gallons of human blood. But today Huitzilopochtli is as magnificently forgotten as Allen G. Thurman. Once the peer of Allah, Buddha and Wotan, he is now the peer of Richmond P. Hobson, Alton B. Parker, Adelina Patti, General Weyler and Tom Sharkey.

Speaking of Huitzilopochtli recalls his brother Tezcatlipoca. Tezcatlipoca was almost as powerful; he consumed 25,000 virgins a year.

Lead me to his tomb: I would weep, and hang a couronne des perles. But who knows where it is? Or where the grave of Quetzalcoatl is? Or Xiuhtecuhtli? Or Centeotl, that sweet one? Or Tlazolteotl, the goddess of love? Of Mictlan? Or Xipe? Or all the host of Tzitzimitl? Where are their bones? Where is the willow on which they hung their harps? In what forlorn and unheard-of Hell do they await their resurrection morn? Who enjoys their residuary estates? Or that of Dis, whom Caesar found to be the chief god of the Celts? Of that of Tarves, the bull? Or that of Moccos, the pig? Or that of Epona, the mare? Or that of Mullo, the celestial jackass? There was a time when the Irish revered all these gods, but today even the drunkest Irishman laughs at them.

But they have company in oblivion: the Hell of dead gods is as crowded
as the Presbyterian Hell for babies. Damona is there, and Esus, and
Drunemeton, and Silvana, and Dervones, and Adsullata, and Deva, and
Bellisima, and Uxellimus, and Borvo, and Grannos, and Mogons. All mighty gods in their day, worshipped by millions, full of demands and impositions, able to bind and loose - all gods of the first class. Men labored for generations to build vast temples to them - temples with stones as large as hay-wagons.

The business of interpreting their whims occupied thousands of priests,
bishops, archbishops. To doubt them was to die, usually at the stake.
Armies took to the field to defend them against infidels; villages were burned, women and children butchered, cattle were driven off. Yet in the end they all withered and died, and today there is none so poor to do them reverence.

What has become of Sutekh, once the high god of the whole Nile Valley? What has become of:
Resheph
Anath
Ashtoreth
El
Nergal
Nebo
Ninib
Melek
Ahijah
Isis
Ptah
Anubis
Baal
Astarte
Hadad
Addu
Shalem
Dagon
Sharaab
Yau
Amon-Re
Osiris
Sebek
Molech?

All there were gods of the highest eminence. Many of them are mentioned with fear and trembling in the Old Testament. They ranked, five or six thousand years ago, with Yahweh Himself; the worst of them stood far higher than Thor. Yet they have all gone down the chute, and with them the following:
Bilé
Ler
Arianrhod
Morrigu
Govannon
Gunfled
Sokk-mimi
Nemetona
Dagda
Robigus
Pluto
Ops
Meditrina
Vesta

You may think I spoof. That I invent the names. I do not. Ask the rector to lend you any good treatise on comparative religion: You will find them all listed. They were gods of the highest standing and dignity-gods of civilized peoples-worshiped and believed in by millions. All were omnipotent, omniscient and immortal.

And all are dead.

― H.L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy

Diary: The weather isn't listening, but please, keep right on talking.

5:30 a.m.
16 March 2016

The living room window is open, and a breeze has the curtains cocked at a jaunty angle. It's a good thing the cat hair was baled yesterday. People say it will be getting "cold" this weekend -- all the way back down to the low fifties.

Whatever. When I was a kid, we still were struggling through chin-high snow drifts in mid-March. Too bad I missed the Fear the Weather and Pass the Advertising "town hall" last night. Something about this wind should terrify me, right?

Coffee was made, and lox, cream cheese, capers, butter, rye bread and orange marmalade assembled for breakfast. The coffee was rich and clean, and the election results from Tuesday night were bitter. Fascists and corporate shills. That's what a grand total of two political parties hands us.

The highlight of my year will come in late April during early voting, when Bernie Sanders gets my stamp of approval. I just might cry. 55 years into it, and finally able to vote for a presidential candidate who articulates my own views. We may never pass this way again.

The morning's musical selection already has salvaged the day. It is a beautiful recording of an a cappella choir, pulled straight from the CD player of Pudge's vehicle after I chanced upon him last week while walking. It was in front of Sweet Stuff, and Pudge asked me if I was walking for exercise. I said yes, and he pointed at the door to the cakes.

"I'm going the opposite direction."

Pudge needn't be precisely identified. You know him or you don't, and to know him is to love him. It is strange to think about being acquainted with someone for 43 years, but there it is. He's the funniest guy on the planet, and has unerring musical taste. Who else in the world would give you the CD he's listening to, and even if someone did, would it be a recording of an a cappella choir?

That's what I'm saying.

The choir is singing "O Magnum Mysterium," which was an essential tune in our repertoire during choral days of yore. It bears repeating that I learned more about teamwork during four years of choir with Michael Neely than ever penetrated my thick skull playing sports. It surely says more about me than the coaches.

To me, it seems that in a great many ways, all those decades since choir have been devoted to futile efforts to recapture this elusive sense of teamwork -- a glimmer now and then, but nothing quite like it.

Bizarre, isn't it? All this chronic oddball, misfit, outlier and contrarian ever really wanted to do was find an ensemble to blend with. Perhaps it's a case of the grass being greener on the other side of the dog park.

A conundrum? Shane may wish to take note.

Are the bars open yet?

FLASH: Adrienne & Company is open at 133 E. Market.

It's a cyptic pop-up notice on Fb, but know it: Adrienne & Company's location in New Albany is open. It's on Market where the Frenchman used to be.

Open in New Albany today until 2 pm. Come check out the new place. 133 E. Market Street.

An AWOL Jeff Gahan sends the usual subaltern to provide sound bite for newspaper article about Pillsbury's job fair.

Here's the quote:

Mike Hall, director of operations with the city of New Albany, said as far as what might replace Pillsbury, the General Mills real estate division has been showing the property.

“We're optimistic that it will be filled,” he said.

And here's the full article.

Finding closure, then work: Pillsbury holds job fair in New Albany to help displaced employees; Plant will cease operations in August, by Aprile Rickert (River Ridge Sentinal)

Leadership -- what a concept!

October 21, 2015:

Precedent suggests Duggins should have offered Sonoco roughly $1.33 million to close AFTER the election.

An AWOL Jeff Gahan evades Native American activist seeking dialogue about potential site destruction at the dog park.

On Sunday, we became aware of a problem.

The city of New Albany may soon try to destroy a 3,000 to 6,000 year old Native American site to build a dog park.

Anthony Nava seems to be having problems getting calls through to Jeff Gahan's down-low bunker.

Well I finally got to talk with a rep from the city of New Albany ... sigh. They want to put us off until mid-April. I feel this is to give them time to move forward with their project. I think we need to act quickly before they have a chance to do so and possibly complete their project. I was told that they had the right to move forward but when I requested that the mayor and staff meet with the community I was shot down and my phone message to the mayor intercepted by other staff lower down in his department.

Readers, if you're feeling Nava's pain, please drop a line to your council representative. We wish him luck ... and too many of us know exactly how he feels trying to break through the security cordon.

Here is the agenda for Tuesday morning's merchant group meeting.

The monthly merchant group meeting is 8:30 a.m., Tuesday, March 15 at Wick's.

Remember, if you're a business peep in New Albany, you're invited. DNA's Teresa Baxter circulated this agenda.

---

New Albany Meeting Agenda

March 15th, 2016 at 8:30 am

Wicks Pizza

Open to all merchants, restaurants & businesses

Conducting the meeting: Kim Johnson & Laura Applegate
Mickey Thompson with New Albany Street Department – Question & Answer
City updates: Tonya/Courtney

Old Business:
New Business:

Extol Magazine – Jason

Ribbon Cuttings:
Green Earth Outdoors - April 8th at 3:30 pm
Eventful 203 – April 21st at 4:30 pm
Gospel Bird – Rescheduled TBD

Adjourn:
Next meeting is April 19th – Location to be determined. If you would like to have a meeting at your business, please let us know.

Yvonne is inviting Todd Bailey – Chief of Police for April meeting

May meeting ISBDC – Social Media in business

Dist. 72 House race: Is Bob Caesar being facetious, or has he lost his marbles?

You be the judge.

One more time:

"Sparkling a new political force"?

And this is the same council person who has delayed days telling me how many Bicentennial books he didn't sell?

It has been 334 days since I asked Bob Caesar to show us the Bicentennial accounts. Crickets chirp.

As for facetiousness, I'll probably be compelled to define it this Wednesday. Meanwhile:

Family guys: Team Gahan's handpicked educator does that pot v. kettle thang.

Democrats announce next teacher/sacrificial lamb in District 72.