ON THE AVENUES: I’m invisible, so will you stop insisting you see me?

Howard W. Campbell, Jr. is the central figure in Kurt Vonnegut’s 1962 novel Mother Night. Campbell is an American by birth who comes of age in Germany between the wars after his father is relocated for work.

When his parents move back to the United States, Campbell -- now as fluent in German as he is in English -- remains in Berlin. He makes a living as a playwright and marries a suitably Aryan woman (her father is chief of police) with whom he is passionately in love.

Entirely and almost narcissistically apolitical, Campbell learns that leading Nazis admire his plays, and as conflict again draws near, he is approached by Joseph Goebbels’ propaganda ministry, where soon he is employed, eventually becoming the wartime radio voice of American pro-Nazism -- think Tokyo Rose, Lord Haw-Haw and Axis Sally.

However, just before the onset of open hostilities, Campbell encounters a mysterious American from the War Department named Frank Wirtanen who urges him to become a double agent. At first Campbell refuses, but later changes his mind.

Consequently, throughout World War II, in the act of broadcasting on behalf of the Nazis, Campbell regularly passes coded messages to American listeners by means of deliberate pauses, coughs and other audible signals. He never knows exactly what information he is conveying; he merely conveys it via these artful inserts.

In other words, the fictional double agent Howard W. Campbell, Jr. manages to transmit crucial facts in the struggle against fascism while using neither words nor pictures. No essays, memes, polemics, or Photo Shop cleverness. Not even numbered ciphers. Only sounds and cadences, an inflection or two, the clearing of the throat -- maybe a purposeful mispronunciation.

I need a crash course in this covert and subtle way of communicating because it seems I’m back in lockdown when it comes to (clicks tongue) about (wheezes), not to mention (hums opening chord of Bob Dylan’s “Idiot Wind”) and (hiccups).

Did you catch all that?

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Remember the Chinese guy with the bag facing the line of tanks 31 years ago in Tiananmen Square?

Substitute “Hauss” for “Tiananmen” and replace the sack with a six-pack of Thomas Paine’s Common Sense Ale, and that’s me in Nawbany. Everything I do and say is being watched, even when I’ve done and said nothing. Even my silence speaks volumes.

Therefore, in an ill-fated effort to avoid the summer’s newfound HEAT from (taps Keith Moon’s signature drum roll from “I Can’t Explain” on the microphone stand), I’ve been hammering the other side of the political aisle with nasty polemics … as with this tweet.

Welcome to 2020, when the rapturous tones of the GOP's robber baron capitalist death cult blossom into fun and games for all. "Die for Jesus and the economy" doesn't have quite the pull of "Remember the Alamo," but they don't write or read, do they?

After all, I actually AM a socialist, and maybe if some harsh invective is hurled against the Right, the Left will give me a reprieve, except they don’t, and even more obtusely, in spite of it all, I continue to have marvelous conversations with local Republicans, with whom I often disagree -- but yet we’re able to chat substantively in a fashion eschewed by the (lisp), who (oink oink) and grease the trap door.

Tanks for nothing. It is highly frustrating, and tantamount to a sort of exile-in-place. There are so many things going unaddressed that I want to write about, but unless -- wait a minute -- what’s that monotonous sound, the whirring from high up … damn, there’s a helicopter right above the house, and footfalls on the ceiling …

There are some Swedish meatballs in the fridge if anyone’s hungry.

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Let’s play a different game.

If I were to begin a column with just this small list of titles, entirely alone and without explanation, what sort of point do you think I’d be trying to make?

Death Throes of the Dipshits
Nadir for the Know Nothings
Twilight on the Turds

Plainly there’s not enough information to judge, but you would, anyway. You’d automatically think it had something to do with that politician fellow whose name I can’t mention aloud for fear of the first tank operator deciding to drop it into gear.

For your information, these three titles refer to my forthcoming book about the GOP’s numerous self-inflicted wounds, something that should endear me to the area Biden cadres.

It won’t.

As a side note, I’ve been resting my speaking voice for more than three months, imagining that it might enable me to sing Freddie Mercury’s parts.

It didn’t work, either.

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Six months have passed since my first column of 2020, which dropped on January 2. Here’s a quick recap.

ON THE AVENUES: On patience, grieving, puzzles and a necessary sabbatical.

… For a very long time I’ve been threatening to alter my terms of engagement and involvement with local affairs. Admittedly, these previous resolutions have been miserable failures. As with the fictional mobster Michael Corleone, just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in.

More accurately, I willfully pull myself back in, but not this time.

After 15 years, it’s time for a real sabbatical, at least six months to start and then with various options for renewal.

I couldn’t have selected a more chaotic juncture to issue myself a report card. Looking back from where we are right now, January seems like an Eden-like vignette from another dimension on a different planet.

Since I wrote the above words America has experienced the onset of a pandemic, courtesy of a nasty novel virus, at first encroaching and then exploding. COVID has settled in for a long stay, and rather than deal with it in any coherent fashion, we’ve leaped with both feet into an unprecedented, hopeful movement to at last deal with racial and social justice – and, of course, what’s hopeful from one perspective is brutally reactionary in another.

Boy, is it. But we don’t have problems like these in Nawbany, you know, like in those OTHER places.

Did I mention that as these happenings have rendered the country even more divided and fractious than before, we still have a presidential election to contest?

Listen, contrary to popular opinion I believe my sabbatical has gone quite well, thank you. The sabbatical has been so marvelous that it’s being renewed through year’s end, because the problem remains as it was when I penned the year’s first column: there’s nothing one can do when there’s nothing to be done.

And when they all have such abysmally thin skins.

My disengagement has proceeded swimmingly. I haven’t attended any city council or bored with works meetings, either live or via Zoom. Mentions about key elected officials have been reduced 80% or more at this portal. By and large I’m resisting the temptation to comment about the chicanery and corruption. When I have, they've been shadows of my former brilliance.

I’ve been a good boy, overall. The clique has to be delighted. They’ve blocked, muted and systematically excluded me from public dialogue, and I’ve voluntarily accepted their verdict.

I’m no longer a factor. Why, then, are the engines revving again?

But it's okay.

Admittedly there are times when it isn't easy living with the Groucho creed ("I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member"). Silence, whether voluntary or enforced, is little more than tacit acknowledgment of patience; one cannot come back without first going away.

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Recent columns:

June 18: ON THE AVENUES: Anything except common, that Kentucky Common.

June 11: ON THE AVENUES: Some enchanted evening, you may see a stranger.

June 4: ON THE AVENUES: There, there. People are dying, so you may have to wait until 2021 for your pork chop sandwich.

May 28: ON THE AVENUES: The late, great Lee Kelly -- by Matt Nash.

BEER WITH A SOCIALIST: Odds and ends about beer, from Hanoi to the neighborhood persimmon tree.

This exercise in seldom recall is dubbed "beer with a socialist," and it's time for free association. Seeing the CNN video about "street life" in Hanoi (and beer) gives me the excuse to insert a Roxy Music video ... right here.

Back to Hanoi, there's something to softens this travel-crazy curmudgeon's heart: cheap beer, out on the avenues, with plenty of street life.

World's cheapest draft? Where to try bia hoi, Hanoi's 25 cent beer, by Justin Solomon and Kate Springer (CNN)

... It wasn't until the late 1950s that bia hoi was introduced as an affordable options for everyday citizens. A brewery opened on Ta Hien Street, selling the fresh lager at just a few cents a mug. This local staple is a light and refreshing lager, with an alcohol content of less than 3%.

The idea? You can drink it for long sessions to cool off after working all day in Hanoi's sweltering temperatures.

"Some will actually say it is 'instant beer' like instant noodles, since it is made quickly and sold quickly," explains MacDouall.

"The alcohol content is low and that was because people wanted to consume it rapidly."

Over the years, countless bars and restaurants have populated Ta Hien Street, bring with them swathes of tiny stools and metal tables that flank both sides of the sidewalk.

Love it, love it, love it. What appeals to me the most is the non-pretentious authenticity of it. In turn, this is why so much of American "craft" beer leaves me cold these days.

I'm going to use Sun King as an example at this juncture not because there's any animosity, but simply because this link arrived earlier today via an e-mail news aggregator.

Be aware that I'm a fan of Sun King, especially the brewery's everyday classics (Cream Ale, Pale Ale and Scottish Ale) and it's not my place to suggest that beer fans refrain from chasing the white whales.

Sun King Brewery Announces Royal Order Beer Subscription Program

Don't you know that you can count me out?

Special privileges, rare exclusivity, VIP areas at fests, and other anti-egalitarian maneuvers gripe my cookies. But rest assured that we'll continue to vend Wee Mac at the pub.

Speaking of which, the keg of Bloomington Brewing Company Persimmon Ale I've been mentioning for weeks will be tapped soon. I'm eager to taste it. Here's an interesting overview of the use of persimmons in brewing.

The Amazing Stories of Persimmons in Craft Beer, by Mark E. Lasbury (Indiana on Tap)

Persimmon beer.

Poor and prominent communities alike in early America used persimmons to ferment an alcoholic drink. In this case, the persimmons alone were used, with the fructose in the fruit being a good source of fermentable sugar. It was called beer, but was really more like a wine, sherry, or liquor.

The fruits would be boiled in water for a good period, and then mashed to a pulp. Straining several times would yield a sugar containing liquid that might be supplemented with honey or sugar. Putting this in an open jug with some yeast allowed for fermentation, and more pulp or sugar could be added in more water to keep the fermentation going as liquor is poured off over the weeks.

Finally, following up on the demise of All About Beer, as mentioned here in mid-October. It appears that Chris Rice's popularity has dipped almost as low as Donald Trump's.

For 39 Years, Local Mag All About Beer Shaped the Craft Beer Scene. This Is How It Collapsed, by Michael Venutolo-Mantovani (Indy Week)

Editor John Holl first suspected something was amiss in the fall of 2016, when his boss—Chris Rice, the owner and publisher of the venerable Durham-based All About Beer magazine—told him the company would no longer use direct deposit, instead reverting to paper checks.

It was temporary, Rice assured him. Holl and his staff trudged along, resigned to the reality that print publishing is full of uncertainty, and maybe Rice just needed flexibility. But then, Holl says, Rice started asking him to hold on to those checks—to wait until the weekend was over, until the company was flush again.

Sometimes, Holl says, those periods stretched beyond the weekend. Sometimes Holl, managing editor Jon Page, and other employees waited as long as two weeks before getting the green light to cash their paychecks. Other times, they were told to cash them, and Rice would cover whatever fees they incurred if the checks bounced.

The troubles only mounted from there.

BEER WITH A SOCIALIST: Catch up on your reading with these links. First, pour a damn beer.

That's more like it.

Immersed with patriotism on the 4th of July, or maybe hungover, I decided to make my minimal contribution to the historical record of the Second Civil War.

Exhausted, we bivouacked by a street pockmarked by sharrows, across from a corporate multi-tap. A squad was sent to reconnoiter. They were shaken and ashen-faced upon return: "Rows and rows of IPAs, hazy and mango and coffee-infused -- what are we to do?" The major's gaze hardened. "Drink 'em," he replied. "Drink 'em all, and let God sort it out." #secondcivilwarletters

That was fun.

For Independence Day, my six-pack purchase was occasioned by Jeff Alworth's thoughts at Beervana. Supposedly my choice was a blonde American lager, contract-brewed in Latrobe PA by a multinational-owned Irish brewer -- but how can it be called "lager" if using Guinness's world-famous ale yeast?

Alworth mentions the incongruity only in passing -- and yes, draft Guinness still makes the trip to America by Dublin.

Guinness's American Strategy

Last month I traveled to Baltimore to learn more about the new Guinness brewery project unfolding there. Guinness is a sponsor of this blog, and I wanted to be one of the first to delve deeply into the thinking behind the project, its scope, and its goals. Guinness was happy to make this possible, and paid for me to visit. Today I look at the new national strategy that accompanies the Baltimore brewery project.

Guinness Blonde American Lager has been around a while, but I haven't tried it until now. The confusing part to me is how a beer labeled as a "lager" can boast of using Guinness yeast.

Conceding that I'm the same guy who recently tasted corn in Yuengling's new pilsner, which is billed as all-malt, there seems to be slight fruitiness to the Guinness Blonde Lager, as well as a nip of something different in the finish. The same nip comes through in a pint of Guinness Stout, although I always thought it had to do with the roasted malt.

I'd drink Guinness Blonde Lager again in an emergency, but won't search it out. I'd rather drink a Sam Adams Boston Lager -- not that strange Sam '76, fermented with both lager and ale yeasts. It can't decide what it wants to be, and consequently fails to be anything decisive.

However, kudos to Wick's in New Albany for having Sam '76 on tap, thereby making it easier for me to have a taste. Higher-end beer bars wouldn't bother, and that's a shame. Speaking of yeast, America's most renowned hybrid has new clothes.

After more than a century, Anchor's flagship Steam beer will meet aluminum cans, by Alyssa Pereira (SFGATE)

A mere 122 years after Anchor brewed its first beer, its famed flagship, Steam, will be canned for the first time.

The new 19.2-ounce cans, gold and emblazoned with the large blue Anchor logo, will hit mostly local, independent mom-and-pop shops and liquor stores in California this summer. Bottles will still be the norm for most retailers, with the introduction of limited cans, priced about $2.49 each, being sold in standard convenience stores in an effort to meet new customers searching for a quick "grab-and-go" pack.

Hopefully these cans go national at some point, and this may sound like a strange thing for me to say; after all, Anchor's not local, except in the Bay Area.

It might help to know that the only professional sports team to which I hold lifelong allegiance is the Oakland A's. 47 years later, I've never seen the A's play in Oakland, and spent exactly two days in neighboring San Francisco in 1978.

Prior to the advent of cable television, to which I didn't have access until 1988, it could be hard to get West Coast night baseball scores; even then, there wasn't much in-depth coverage of Oakland, a small-market team overshadowed by the Giants.

So, for many years I've gotten e-mail updates about the A's from the San Francisco Chronicle, more recently adding food and drink newsletters -- hence the links here today.

Needless to say, AT&T Park didn't exist in 1978. My visit took place in December, and while I can say that I've been to Candlestick Park, the narrow view was through locked gates.

Did AT&T Park just become the best ballpark in America for beer? by Alyssa Pereira (SFGATE)

The Giants stadium is now selling cans from Moonraker, Temescal, Local and Altamont

The ceaseless debate about what baseball park in America is serving the best craft beers might just have a new winner: San Francisco's AT&T Park.

16-ounce beers didn't cost $15 during the Carter Administration, either. This article is the first I've heard of Albany, by the bay north of Berkeley. I'd like to go there, right now.

The story of the Albany pub where time stands still, by Emma Silvers (SFGATE)

Schmidt’s Pub doesn’t officially open until noon, but around 11:30 you’ll start to see the regulars. About a half-dozen people, mostly older folks, are the first customers at the offbeat, antiques-packed Albany tavern every day. They trickle in as soon as the door is unlocked, then stay for an hour or two amid the bookshelves and board games in the converted Craftsman. If the weather’s nice, they sit outside ...

Owner John Schmidt, who opened the pub in 1978, resists modernity.

 ... “I have a computer and a cell phone and all that, but I’ve never felt particularly comfortable or interested in it,” he says, at the prospect of a digital upgrade. Besides: “I’ve always felt a place like this doesn’t need it.”

By “a place like this,” Schmidt means a watering hole in the spirit of old English and Irish taverns, like the ones he fell for as a young man on business trips to the United Kingdom. “They’re more about the place than the beer: There’s music, people telling stories and then you have grandma knitting over there,” he says. “I just loved them.”

Shifting from California, here's a story of interest to anyone who still believes spent grain still goes to a nearby farmer's livestock. I'm thinking it still occurs, but first government began erecting barriers, then there were 7,000 breweries, many of them urbanized.

From liquid bread back to flour. Expensive, but eloquent.

From Brewery to Bakery: A Flour That Fights Waste, by Larissa Zimberoff (New York Times)

For some people, beer is the perfect end to a workday. For Bertha Jimenez, it’s the start of a new way to eliminate food waste.

Breweries throw out millions of pounds of used grain every day that could have other uses. While some is repurposed as animal feed, compostable products or heating fuel, little has been exploited for its value as food.

But Ms. Jimenez, 35, has created a small start-up, Rise Products, that converts the grain into a flour that is finding its way into sustainable bakeries and kitchens in New York and as far away as Italy.

I conclude the current compendium of instructive reading with a rejoinder to the hoarders, traders and ratings aggregators. At the same time, I don't view Coors Light as the solution, unless the carbonated urine under this banner is brewed differently for British distribution -- and this might be the case.

I recall my friend Barrie and I, traveling in Ireland in 1987.

At some point during our time in Ireland, Barrie and I entered a pub and struck up a conversation with the woman working behind the bar, who turned out to be the pub's owner.

She was delighted that we were American, happily divulging that she'd put Budweiser on tap the day before, because the great American lager was only then being introduced to the Irish market in earnest.

As gently as possible, we explained that drinking Budweiser really wasn't why we had come to Ireland, but thanks anyway.

She persisted. Did we happen to know that Budweiser was brewed under license in Ireland, not imported from America? We didn't. Weren't we curious? Perhaps we'd like to buy a pint each of Budweiser and see for ourselves if it tasted the same?

After a humorous negotiation, we convinced her to give us a half-pint each, and we'd taste test the Budweiser for her. Don't worry; we tipped well.

Somewhat anticlimactically, to me Irish-brewed Budweiser tasted almost exactly like Irish-brewed Harp Lager. Fortunately, we didn't see much more of Budweiser during the trip, but I suppose it was adequate as a calibration beer.

I want to go to Ireland, now, and not drink lager -- oh no, not at all. A pint of Plain, sir. You can keep the centimes.

Not every beer has to be special : in defence of average pints, by kirstwalker (ladysinksthebooze blog)

My local sells real ale. They have two pumps, one is perpetually Doom Bar and the other alternates between a number of Golden ales and IPAs from the Robinson’s brewery. At the moment they have on Hoppy Wan Kenobi which is packed with Cascade and Sovereign hops. Regular readers will know my feelings about American floral hops ie when I am Queen they will be launched into the sun, and even the good old British Sovereign (the hop, not Liz) doesn’t rescue this beer. For me every sip was like being hit in the face with a bunch of gladioli.

And so when I visit my local my current drink of choice is a Coors Light with a shot of lime cordial in the top. And it’s fantastic. I can neck four or five pints of that with glee whilst watching football. It’s refreshing, it’s got flavour, and I don’t have to log the damn thing on untappd or worry that it’s getting near to the bottom of the barrel, or do any other kind of thinking which is liable to distract me from more important matters like who they’re putting out at centre back for Iran.

I hesitate to jump on the Anthony Bourdain train but a quotation of his was floating around twitter last week when his death was announced. The gist was that in most brew pubs he visits no-one is really drinking, they are lining up flights going from dark to light, getting out their apps or making notes in a little book about flavour profiles. His drink of choice was ‘what’s coldest’. And there are plenty of great American bars that I’ve visited where your choices are restricted to Coors, Bud, and their ‘light’ counterparts. They are great bars because they have character, and atmosphere, and you feel at home there. Would they be improved by ‘better’ beers? Yes maybe, or maybe it’s nice to have an oasis of averageness in a world where everyone is competing to be the newest, the best, the coolest. Why go out for hamburgers when you’ve got steak at home, asked Paul Newman? Because hamburgers are just fucking good sometimes aren’t they? The cheaper and the greasier the better ...

A post-election six pack for your reading pleasure or bile, whichever.

In no particular order.

NOT THAT MORMON WORD, MIND YOU
From the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: "We congratulate President Obama on winning a second term as President of the United States."

REALIGNMENT
Ross Douthat in the New York Times: "When you do it once, it’s just a victory. When you do it twice, it’s a realignment."

MISOGYNY
Bryce Covert in The Nation: "When we look for people to thank for these victories, we have to give blatant Republican misogyny a big round of applause."

ANGER
Michael Barone at National Review: "Those on the losing side will be especially angry with those whose candidate won."

ACHIEVEMENT
Jonathan Freedland in The Guardian: "As election night brought the familiar, intense focus on this or that county in Ohio or Florida, it was easy to lose sight of the scale of Obama's achievement."

HILARITY
In The Onion: "Sources are confirming that the moments leading up to Mitt Romney’s concession speech last nigh ... were all more than likely pretty hilarious."

Some weekend housekeeping.

The NA 1st link finally has appeared at the city's web site, providing an answer to the question we asked here: Does it really take months to add a link?

And then there's the Emery ice cream building, finally coming off the blocks -- neither to become the new home of City Hall, as advocated by ex-council person Steve Price, nor to be hoisted into place as penthouse suite, but to be relocated at the emerging Urban Fusion Community Garden.

After years of negligence, the people at Williams Plumbing have started re-wrapping their dilapidated building in fresh new vinyl. Now we'll see if they continue to park their commercial vehicles to obstruct sight lines on Spring Street.

It took a few weeks, but the stump hole has been filled with a sapling, as discussed in this posting: Halfway there. Next?

Appropriate thanks to all involved with making these things happen.

Friday potpourri: Three ... two ... one ... and we have flushing.

It's true that outgoing New Albany city attorney Shane Gibson often was unfairly targeted by abuse from disgruntled troglodytes, but a change was inevitable given the third England administration's downward devolution. As the incoming mayor's appointment illustrates, the city attorney works for the current occupant, and my personal belief is that Stan will be a very good city attorney.

Mayor-elect Jeff Gahan appoints New Albany city attorney; Stan Robison has served New Albany before

Gahan confirmed that Robison sent a letter on his behalf to department heads and other supervisory employees of the current administration to tell them that they must go through the application process if they wish to keep those jobs.

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Whenever the Indiana State Chamber of Commerce wields its legislative agenda to define what it means to be in business, I'm almost immediately embarrassed to be a called a businessman. There needs to be a different word so I can save face:

State Chamber of Commerce to roll out sweeping legislative agenda

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The thought of Greater Louisville Inc.'s Joe Reagan taking precious pomposity time from his position on the Tolling Authority to portray a cancer specialist, too, somehow reminds me of Elena Ceausescu's inflated portfolio during Communist Romanian times:

Curtis Morrison: GLI using your tax money to redefine the definition of cancer

Potpourri: "Everybody Knows that Smoking Ain't Allowed in School."

The backlog keeps getting bigger, so here's a sampling of recent links and news items, some mine, some sent to me.

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Constitution, schmonstitution … what’s it have to do with St. Daniels and his plan to establish charter re-education centers for the state's misspent youth? The Perry County News takes a look, and we breathlessly await the Tribune’s editorial take on the matter, in which we're betting the best and brightest will be asked to step forward and teach school for a while.

It always gladdens my heart to note that taken as a group, Indiana’s legislators remain as cowardly and hypocritical as I’d always imagined they are. A partial list of exemptions to the Indiana state legislature's ballyhooed tough statewide smoking "ban" now includes casinos, taverns, bars, nursing homes, bunco clubs, VFWs, American Legions, pay toilets, chicken shacks, bandstands in public gazebos within 100 feet of a flower shop, and cigar bars, but only if populated by 50% or more lobbyists on Wednesday nights in June.

The bill’s annual sponsor, Charlie Brown, quoted while lying prone after Lucy yet again yanked away his football, politely characterizes these carvings as “compromise,” and while probably not a single legislator would compromise when it comes to his or her own health and well being, the health and well being of workers is now being “compromised” all the way down to where the bill itself has been rendered nonsensical.

Perhaps the legislature might helpfully specify the actual places where smoking is to be banned, which presently number five or six vegan juice bars that never allowed smoking in the first place. Read all about it here (Facebook thread here), and know that to his credit, our Rep. Clere voted against the latest round of dumbings down.

In other tidings from the DingDong Chamber in Indy, Mike Ladd, executive director of the Urban Enterprise Zone Association in New Albany, asks if the war has been successful, and he's not talking Afghanistan Taliban Blues. Rather, Mike lets us know that the Danielsist cadres see a power-grab opening in the gentle art of municipal bankruptcy.

The essence of this bill is that a community’s creditor, or two or more creditors combined, that fall into the criteria above, would be able to request three people in state government to declare a city bankrupt, followed by what essentially amounts to a state take-over; while removing certain appeals processes.

Bankruptcy's nothing, Mike. Just wait until St. Daniels sends in the teams of partisan GOP commissars to whip us into prime Gitmo shape, maybe even literally. No doubt they'll help the medicine go down with plenty of help from their Facebook pages, because even Maureen Hayden (!) has noticed that legislators are using social media to make "friends" with their constituents.

Maureen -- let me get this straight -- you mean that some legislators view social media as means of facilitating communication? Wonders never cease. Friends? I don't have the heart to tell you that down here, in the wide-open, fenced-in spaces of the Open Air Museum of Ignorance, Superstition and Backwardness, some legislators are content to use social media to make enemies.

Speaking of the inner workings of the Open Air Museum, how is it that this fellow from so far away can provide such an accurate depiction of life in a place where Steve Price is our leader: Just The Same Old Dumb. Pitt should be made an honorary New Albanian, although I bet he'd pay double to avoid it.

Finally there is good news and bad news: A bill would form New Albany-Floyd County parks district, and "remove" our parks from politics. Let's hope. The Clere Channel Network is poised to take full re-election credit for introducing the parks district bill, although the CCN hasn't had much to say about Ed's support of this "bad news" repugnancy, as Bluegill covered it at Facebook:

In response to my local state rep and the Indiana House passing a xenophobic "English only" bill yesterday, I'm trying to to figure out if I'm going to pay my state taxes this year in quetzals, birrs, riels, or Belarusian rubles.

online.com/article/20110124/NEWS01/110124026" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">Indiana House passes 'English only' bill (Journal and Courier)

State documents would have to be published in English only under a bill that passed the Indiana House today by a vote of 63-26.

My reflecting pool runneth over with beer.

It's awfully hard to select the week's funniest moment, amid mayoral press releases and the Vickster slapping herself on the back so hard that her cigarette hit the dirt floor of her hovel, but not to be overlooked is a Tribune letter to the editor from Shirley Ann Larner.

Neither Matthew Nash nor Roger Baylor will even be the real men who care about other people, like Dan Coffey and Steve Price, until they change their ways. I visited Roger Baylor’s business one time and was quite surprised that there was no reflecting pool, so he could look at his image all day. Maybe it was there, but it was just hidden away.

Shirley, I'm giggling all the way to the first post in quite a while at Citizens Faux Accountability.

SUDDEATH: So Professor, why do you keep such a low profile?

PROFESSOR ERIK: As you can see I'm African-American. Since most of my followers are bigots, I thought I'd "put on the Mask."

In other news, we've learned that Matt Nash didn't actually write his column today, and that recently deposed city council president John Gonder believes in mobility solutions that actually might solve problems instead of exacerbating them.

What was that, Mrs. Larner? I shouldn't use the word "exacerbate" in print, lest I give hormonal young men ideas which will render them blind?

Tell it to the historical society, will ya?

Things to do today.

1. Get my two business entities the hell out of One Southern Indiana, as fast as humanly possible, and take as many other business entities with us as we can manage. Regime change now; divest and disinvest.

(Check - letter sent to Dalby … will he delete it? Or was that the other guy?)

2. Find that photo from back in 2007, when 1Si welcomed the worst president in US history to New Albany in what amounted to a Republican Party fundraiser.

3. Resist the temptation to say: We at NAC told you so, and have been telling you so for a long time.

(Might not get around to that one. Being right is too much fun)

4. Try to figure out why self-congratulatory politicians like Rep. Ed Clere incessantly remind us that their stance on taxes is crucial, yet when we ask about bridge tolls - a tax, pure and simple - they scurry like mice and hide. I call that disingenuous. 1Si calls it an endorsement.

(At least it puts paid to the 70K -- hopefully Michael Dalby doesn't need NA's blood money to make payroll)

5. Begin preparations for the coming Saturday’s annual NA Confidential parade party at the 1117 E Spring Street Neighborhood Association: Let's protest tolls, heckle 1Si, and drink beer at NAC's 6th annual Harvest Homecoming Parade Gala at 1117 ESSNA -- this Saturday, Oct. 2.

(There's going to be wicked theater, folks. I live for times like these)

6. Get to work on Fringe Fest publicity: Fringe Fest 2010 at Bank Street Brewhouse begins Oct. 7.

(Fringe Fest is a non-tolling venue)

7. Squeeze in another 125 biking kilometers this week to meet my September goal of 800.

(Depends on the weather and available time)

8. Write the coming week’s Tribune column. There is so little to say, although one possibility is trying to understand why my questions constitute strident partisanship, while 1Si’s endorsements do not. Maybe someone’s God was involved with that one.

(Look: I tossed him a softball, and in return, he clubbed me in the head with the bat. Why didn't he knock an easy pitch out of the park? But I suppose we got the answer to that one when the 1Si endorsements came out. The fix was in, all along, wasn't it?)

9. Start thinking about my next beer course, which begins on Wednesday, October 6: Continuing beer education: "Here's to Beer" non-credit IUS course returns in October.

(Learning is good)

10. Ask Mayor England where he stands on tolling.

(He really needs to make a definitive statement, don’t you think?)

Link-o-Rama: Flip a coin, choose an event, and get out of the house on Friday, May 21.

Just preparing for the weekend already has me frazzled, and none of the events have even started. On Friday in particular, the possibilities are staggering. Knees, feet and liver are registering pre-emptive complaints.

Uptown New Albany, at Vincennes Street:
Cuts for a Cure 2010 at Strandz and Threadz (Friday, May 21)

At the Horseshoe Casino:
IUS Ogle Center Bier Prost 2010 at Horseshoe on Friday, May 21.

Off Bardstown Road at Longest:
Louisville Loves Mountains Festival 2010 is Friday, May 21. NABC and BBC will be there.

Throughout downtown New Albany:
Photos, too: The New Albany Bicentennial Public Art Project kickoff and art walk is Friday, May 21.

All weekend in Madison, Indiana:
Time again for Madison's Ohio River Valley Folk Festival, with beer from NABC and Upland.

All week long, throughout America:
It's American Craft Beer Week. Need an excuse to have a beer?

"Liberty Green Knows How To Pave A Street," and a potpourri of other links.

All week long, I kept pasting to this list of links. Why stop now?

Someone interjected this progressive paving link into another blog's fevered discussion of judging the length and breadth of human progress on planet Earth by the results of a New Albany city audit. You're forgiven for missing it -- the story and the discussion: Liberty Green Knows How To Pave A Street (Broken Sidewalk blog).

Baseball's finished and the damned Yankees won. Now it's the off-season, and time for board gaming, as in Strat-O-Matic Puts Negro Leagues in Play - NYTimes.com.

I wrote about World War I in the Tribune on Thursday, and an expatriated New Albanian correspondent sent me this link to YouTube: Green Fields of France, by the Corries. Many thanks, D. It's a touching song. Meanwhile, the Guardian's assessment of a noted literary figure of the era is also appreciated: Siegfried Sassoon: The reluctant hero Books The Guardian.

As the conclusion of volume two of Richard Evans's majestic three-volume history of the Third Reich nears for me, an obituary almost passed unnoticed. Richard Sonnenfeldt, chief interpreter at Nuremberg, died on October 9th, aged 86, (from The Economist).

Closer to home, councilman John Gonder comments on last night's health care vote: 220 and 51 is OK By Me.

On the topic of intrusive government, or not, there's Booze Politics News and Thoughts, from Lew Bryson's blog. Noteworthy is the notion of "too broke to fix" in the context of (any) state's alcohol regulations.

Speaking of which, the Courier-Journal tells us that a New Albany city councilwoman (was) charged with driving while intoxicated. My gut instinct is that there is little relevance in this, although if I don't make a passing nod at something being reported in the C-J and already the subject of Twitter banter, there'll be accusations of playing favorites. Folks, if you're going to play the drinking game, you need to organize your commute accordingly. 'Nuff said.

I'm hitting the road for Sunday bicycling.

Weekend reader.

I'm engaged in another of those great struggles to find a heathy weight and maintain an exercise regimen without veering too far in the direction of moderation, something that fits neither my disposition nor the current job description.

Consequently, the amazing outcome of a crazy weekend is that in spite of four beer-centered events in three days and precious little restraint, I gained no more than a pound. It helped that on Saturday, I resolved to walk to the fest grounds (located off 66th Street in Broad Ripple) from the Monon Trail hub on 96th. This proved to be an hour-long, brisk walk on a marvelously cool July day.

It is true: With regular exercise and a reasonable diet, I can lose and maintain a weight, and drink plenty of beer along the way. What I need to avoid are those year and a half long binges.

What was that I said about fundamental dispositions? Meanwhile, here is a collection of recent readings, with links.

*New local fundraising ideas?

Rush for tickets to posh sex parties: The organisers of last week's masked ball in a stately home are on the lookout for new venues, by Jamie Doward and Matthew McCullogh (The Observer).

Voorvaart said there were strict rules forbidding guests from having sex in front of others (they are told to retire to more discreet locations), but admits: "It was not possible to stop them."

*Think before you buy?

'Cheap', by Laura Shapiro (New York Times Books)

Ellen Ruppel Shell concludes that lower prices do not necessarily translate into bargains in the chain store, or along the food chain.

*The blessed Frank Rich in the Sunday NYT:

They Got Some ’Splainin’ to Do (July 19)

The Sotomayor show reduced the antics of Washington’s clueless ancien-régime to a spectacle as ridiculous as it was obsolescent.

She Broke the G.O.P. and Now She Owns It (July 12)

As the Republicans’ lone charismatic performer, Sarah Palin has come to represent a dwindling white nonurban America that is aflame with grievances.

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Speaking of marginalized white, nonurban, antebellum folk aflame with grievances, we last witnessed Professor Erika at last week's city council soiree. Her latest blog rant is worth perusing, as it creatively combines the words of a blogger (attributed, for once) with her own customized New Albany-centric fills and venom spewing.

Enough is Enough, at Freedom to Screech.

For every person you brainwash into the "Progressive" ideology, we will teach ten others about the Miracle of America and the Freedom & Greatness of Individual Freedom!

I’m guessing that Jason Bradley is the same nutjob here at this dully repetitious blog.

Potpourri before work.

A few random thoughts for a lovely Wednesday morning in May ...

Why bother driving traffic toward another local blogger who posts in disguise and doesn't permit discourse? That would be tantamount to rewarding cowardice, wouldn't it? Nah. The already cheapened bait can just wiggle past. I have far bigger fish to fry (insert your own cliche here, Prof. Erika).

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The Tribune has somehow uncovered a gem of a local Neanderthal columnist ... or maybe it's just a lump of coal. Read two of his recent cultural reinterpretations, in which is revealed a social orientation somewhat to the distant right of the John Birch Society ...

OLSON: Hillary should stay in the race
OLSON: Longing for historic measures

... and lament the fact that yesterday's strident denunciation of his own "Woodstock generation" hasn't been archived on-line by the newspaper.

Is it just me, or has the Weekly World News's legendary Ed Anger settled in Sellersburg? These columns are so over the top that they must be thinly veiled satire, right? If not ... oooooh. Fine writer, but very, very reactionary.

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Speaking of the Tribune, has anyone seen this odd revelation at the newspaper's website?

PUBLISHER: Jim Grahn jim.grahn(at)newsandtribune.com

The last reference to John Tucker came in March, according to the search mechanism, and his name appears nowhere in the "contact us" section. There is no staff listing in yesterday's newspaper. Clues, anyone?

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This from the C-J:

New Albany panel rejects road plan, by Dick Kaukas.

Turning down a request by Mayor Doug England's administration, the New Albany Redevelopment Commission refused yesterday to authorize the city's Board of Public Works and Safety to implement two road-construction projects.

Having done so, the Commission went on to approve the projects, which total $2.5 million for Spring Street Hill and Rainbow Drive. The former was okayed unanimously, but the latter passed 3-2, with city council reps Coffey and Benedetti voting against.

At least they attend the meetings ... but I won't go there. Yet.

So much for the Cubs.

More on Sunday ...

Has anyone seen the senior editor?

Hey, what ever happened to me, anyway … or, as Ronald Reagan once said, “Where’s the rest of me?”

Note that Reagan actually spoke these words long before he became the nation’s favorite “just remember the good times” President.

Well, I’ve been busy. Here is the Top Ten list, with room for a dozen more.

10. Keeping up with the conclusion of the baseball season and the beginning of the playoffs. My Oakland Athletics were eliminated early, but just wail ‘til next year.

9. Watching all 16 hours of the Ken Burns documentary, “The War,” and concluding that in spite of the epiphanies and rare color footage, the series was a noble but flawed effort, in desperate need of editing, and in the end, something that failed to live up to the premise.

8. Listening to the reformed Crowded House’s elegiac “Time on Earth,” yet another nearly perfect pop rock album from Neil Finn and Co., an preparing to spin the new Springsteen.

7. Scientific sampling of Progressive Pints as the annual NA Confidential/NABC Harvest Homecoming parade party approaches (see NAC on Friday for the unveiling of this year’s official party slogan).

6. Noticing that my cheeks were wet at the conclusion of the incredible German film, “The Lives of Others,” which is available on DVD. Get it and watch it now. (Thanks, Ed).

5. Assisting my business partners in what amounts to a company-wide reorganization as we make preparations to expand.

4. Examining the floor drains, roofs and load bearing walls in downtown buildings (see the preceding). My only regret is that for us to achieve our goals, we’ll have to enrich either Steve Price’s or Dan Coffey’s council district. Perhaps we can be gerrymandered into Jeff Gahan’s 6th?

3. Reeling in shock and suspicion as erstwhile entrenched ideological opposites make seeming gestures of reconciliation. Ready for another quote from the Gipper? “Trust, but verify.”

2. Doing the chronological math in an effort to determine whether Coffey actually could be Joe McCarthy’s unclaimed love child. The resemblances are to striking for the two to have evolved independently, don’t you think?

1. Honing my credentials as a card-carrying atheist, communist, hedonist and (gasp) pagan in preparation for crawling into a local politician’s bed and giving the Luddites, know-nothings and wannabeens another well-deserved conniption fit.

It was a productive weekend, so let the anonymous hate mail begin!

The past weekend was busy, with numerous festivals, picnics and events, and for some unknown reason, my muse wouldn’t let me be.

Redistricting: Grudgingly coming soon to a laggard city near you.

Council obstructionists, now burdened with the responsibility of fulfilling the redistricting mandate publicly, and with transparence, can now be counted upon to mobilize the misdirected malice of downtrodden ratepayers and (what else?) strenuously object to being forced to pay the legal costs accrued solely by reason of the council’s own vacuous indolence.

Ritz, Whiz and Ripple: Envious troglodytes point random disinformation generator at the Carnegie Center, demand full investigation of wine and cheese.

Seeing as incomprehension and disinformation are veritable birthrights of New Albany’s “little people,” it’s safe to assume that for at least some of them, neither an educational evening spent at the Carnegie Center for Art and History, nor the Center’s annual habit of pairing one such evening with a fundraising wine and cheese tasting, is quite enough to quell the pain and anger dwelling within the breasts of those for whom the existence of well-adjusted, rational people is an insufferable daily affront.

Randy Hubbard and the headlong flight from ideas.

Apparently Plan A is the hope is that (Doug) England will commit an unforced error capable of being exploited for electoral gain. There seems to be no Plan B. In the interim, Hubbard’s attempted gravitas seems increasingly less plausible than what is almost certainly the non-spinnable reality: A comprehensive absence of platform content, grasp and ideas on the part of a reluctant candidate desperately recruited by his own party for the sole reason of warding off an expected insurgency emanating from the upstart outsider residing at the Admiral Bicknell.

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Turning to the national page, I haven’t seen yesterday’s New York Times, but last Sunday the inimitable Frank Rich offered another of his devastatingly accurate indictments of the lamentable “Reign of Error” otherwise known as the presidency of George W. Bush. It came at the end of a requiem for Karl Rove:

Last weekend's Iowa straw poll was a more somber but equally anachronistic spectacle. Again, it's a young conservative commentator, Ryan Sager, writing in The New York Sun, who put it best: “The face of the Republican Party in Iowa is the face of a losing party, full of hatred toward immigrants, lust for government subsidies, and the demand that any Republican seeking the office of the presidency acknowledge that he's little more than Jesus Christ's running mate.” That face, at once contemptuous and greedy and self-righteous, is Karl Rove's face. Unless someone in his party rolls out a revolutionary new product, it is indelible enough to serve as the Republican brand for a generation.

Speaking of entertaining collapses on the part of the GOP, the Tribune’s fine young guest columnist took the Republicans to task yesterday for abandoning one of their own in his time of need:

Where’s the loyalty?, by Daniel Robison.

Another local resident has made it to the big-time spotlight. Lately, he was all over the Internet, radio, newspapers — you name it. He was at the center of national debate; talking heads and bloggers yakked and spun prose, respectively, about his personal and professional life. Even Jay Leno made a joke at his expense — a tried and true indication that a person has hit the big time.

But this local is not famous; he is infamous. Fingered in a police report as committing a sex act on a sleeping man, president of the Young Republican National Federation and Clark County resident Glenn Murphy Jr., is now a poster child for what happens when one’s personal, professional and political lives meet at an unfortunate impasse.

Daniel exhibits praiseworthy compassion at Murphy’s personal plight:

But that is no excuse for how the GOP has hung him out to dry. If he’s eventually charged and convicted, fine, that’s grounds for cutting ties. But right now it seems that Murphy’s Republican friends and colleagues have abandoned him, and that’s no way to treat one of their own.

Fortunately, Murphy lives in kinder, gentler times, and he'll not be forced into the solution presented to Colonel Alfred Redl by the Austrian high command.

Not that Rove wouldn't have offered it ...

A few headlines for a midsummer weekend: Plotting pachyderms; sewage heist; conjoined CMs vs. police; and Taj Ma(city)hall.

Note to readers: The senior editor is taking a vacation day on Sunday, July 1. We’ll be back on Monday morning.

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Headline: No quorum at Floyd County GOP caucus, vote delayed, by Eric Scott Campbell (News-Tribune).

Low attendance pushed Thursday night’s Republican caucus to tonight, but with no competitors emerging, Brenda Scharlow is a virtual lock to be selected as the party’s District 3 City Council candidate.

Less than a majority of the district’s six precinct representatives came to the Admiral Bicknell Inn for the caucus, said party chairman David Matthews …

A more hospitable venue to encourage Republican unity can scarcely be imagined, although the toadstool scones and hemlock tea kick butt.

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Headline: New Albany's sewer utility, EMC renewing pact, by Eric Scott Campbell (News-Tribune).

Environmental Management Corp. has agreed to a new five-year contract to operate New Albany’s sewer utility.

I’ve searched high and low, in dusty history textbooks and seldom visited web sites, and there is nothing to be found therein to contradict New Albany’s utter uniqueness in being the only city in the United States, and perhaps even in the world, where a shadowy group of citizens plot and scheme not to seize the government, but to stage a “coup d’egout” for the purpose of controlling the city’s sewers.

Speaking only for myself, it would be more pleasurable to forcibly grab the library, or wrest away the underutilized Trinkle Dome. In the end, I’d rather nationalize the railroads. To the Luddite cabal, all I can say is: "Take the sewers."

Please.

Headline: NEW ALBANY: Take-home car policy loosened, by Jennifer Rigg (News-Tribune).

Following last week’s shooting of two Floyd County police officers, the New Albany Police Department is loosening restrictions on its take-home car policy to reassure residents with a strong police presence inside the city …

… “If they want to enact it they can,” said (Dan) Coffey, of District 1, out of frustration that the City Council was not consulted about the change. “They know the dire situation that the city is in in the way of funds. It’s just a shame that some would take that attitude.”

Predictably, the Wizard of Westside is more concerned with his own prickly vanity than any substantive discussion of police, public safety and law enforcement – matters of certain importance to CM Coffey’s isolated Hermit Kingdom, just so long as he filters them through his 1932 model Huey Long Ego Strainer before passing the information along to the less fortunate, who’ll be enduring four more years of grandstanding and ward heeling at the expense of their betterment.

Hence Coffey's campaign slogan: "Dan Coffey: Protecting you from improvement, 24-7."

NAC predicts that the take-home car topic will resurface during speaking time allotted to public officials at the July 2 city council meeting, that Coffey’s subsequent long-winded demagoguery will be judged superior to the effort expended by Sir Laurence Olivier in “Hamlet” at the Old Vic, and that if a council vote is ever taken on the matter, Coffey will dramatically lead off the roll call by holding to the code sacred to all Westendians matriculating at Bazooka Joe University, solemnly rise to his feet, and courageously intone …

“I’ll pass this time.”

What the heck; it worked on the fringe area vote last time. Meanwhile, two seats away:

District 3’s (Steve) Price said he would rather see the officers keep a mileage log and be required to reimburse the city for the personal miles they put on their cars. He also scoffed at the 10 and 20 gallon requirements per month.

“My God, I probably burn up $25 of gas a week just riding around here locally. In a time of high gasoline prices, they have got to contribute mileage. It’s just good business.”

As if we needed more disturbing evidence of CM Price’s obliviousness to the design features built by past generations into the fabric of his district, it now appears that he has taken no notice of the urban phenomenon commonly known as the “sidewalk.” Rather than use this pathway for pedestrians, the ever parsimonious Price gets places by “riding around,” preferring to “burn up” gas rather than use his legs.

How very sad.

From the councilman’s digs on Dewey Heights to the cluster of stellar rental properties he owns near the NA Confidential office suite is no more than a ten-minute walk, and probably less at a heart-healthy faster pace. By bicycle, it would be little more than five minutes for him to ride west on Main, and then north on 11th.

A whole fifteen minutes on foot would take our own “36% Solution” right into the heart of New Albany’s revitalizing downtown, but it may be unrealistic to expect him to walk or ride a bike into a part of his district where he has seldom been seen for four years, and in which the most good things are happening in spite of (because of?) his serial indifference to progress.

As Price merrily strums the coda of “Speeding along in my Automobile,” Cpl. Todd Bailey gets the final word on this topic, as quoted by the Tribune’s Rigg:

“We think it’s more important to have officers in the field than to bicker over insignificant gas dollars.”

Amen, brother Bailey. Please consider moving into the 3rd district. We need a counterweight to Price’s vision of institutionalized mediocrity as the “answer” to what ails us.

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England: Shuffle offices to save money, by Eric Scott Campbell (News-Tribune).

Democratic mayoral candidate Doug England is proposing moving city offices into the Spring Street firehouse and building a new fire headquarters in New Albany’s west side.

I’m uncertain as to whether the firehouse idea is the best one being floated for relieving the strain in the current City-County Building, but the comeback kid is to be commended for acknowledging that there is merit in the notion of adaptively reusing a downtown building for local government, and commencing public discussion of it. That’s a start.

Understanding that any such plan will require expenditures, it nonetheless would be heartening to see all or part of a historic block in downtown devoted to the same purpose, or, as County Councilman Randy Stumler once suggested, eventually constructing a new building as part of Scribner Place, phase two.

Perhaps Caesar’s will give New Albany $20 million more so that we can expend four more years fractiously arguing about not how, but if we should spend it.

See you Monday. I’m going for a walk.

What if they held a political fundraising event, and no one came?

Following are a few odds and ends culled from comments here and on other boards.

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According to yesterday's Tribune, at-large New Albany city council candidate James Hollis has yet to file his donation and expenditure records (due last Friday), and supposedly faces a $50-per-day fine for being late.

Hollis also didn't return his Tribune candidate questionnaire. I don’t know the man, but does this sound like the sort of official that you'd rely upon to "play by the rules"?

By the way, the trognonymous blogger Erika, herself a candidate under her real name of Vicki Denhart, endorses Hollis.

Do you believe she understands the meaning of irony?

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There has been much well deserved discussion of the 15th street railroad corridor, its perpetual state of disrepair and the potential for serious derailments and accidents.

Over and beyond these legitimate concerns, every time I look at, cross over or think of that stretch of track, I see a bike path and pedway like Indy’s Monon Trail, connected to the Ohio River Greenway project downtown and leading straight out Grant Line Road to IU Southeast and beyond.

Maybe Hugo Chavez isn’t all wrong, after all.

Hence, the very first New Albanian mayoral candidate to endorse nationalizing (or city-izing?) the railroad has my endorsement, money and vote. This offer is non-partisan and includes Ms. Bolovschak, who may like to have the K & I Bridge thrown in as part of the deal.

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You didn’t think I’d forget to remind readers that today is Day 50 of NAC’s award-winning Steve Price blogwatch, did you?

Well, it is. The 3rd district incumbent’s last blog posting appeared on March 6. Undoubtedly he’s resting his clichés for deployment in next week’s Q & A session at the S. Ellen Jones School.

The lamentable part about CM Price’s newfound (and rapidly aging) reticence is that it has been enabled by the presence of not one, but two candidates in opposition to his archaic brand of civic decay management. The incumbent could still win the primary with as many as 66% of the total Democratic vote cast against him – and that doesn’t include the Republicans.

CM Price’s re-election bid is much like the possibility of a 15th street train wreck with hazardous chemicals aboard: We’re hoping for the best … but probably should be planning for the worst.