Traffic Cluster, Part One: Mt Tabor Road? It's the design. You know, the design we just paid millions ... to design.

We might blame it on the pandemic, but COVID-19 did not cause ongoing issues with New Albany's streets. It merely exposed the design flaws.

When there hasn't been congestion -- as on Mt. Tabor during construction-related diversions -- there has been mayhem, both there and amid the downtown street grid, with much speeding and bad driving behavior.

You see, it's the design. You know, the design we just paid millions ... to design, whether Mt. Tabor or the thoroughly botched two-way reversion: City Hall's "20% Of Two-Way Usefulness Solution."

But you see, anyone with a grounding in modernity always knew that speeding primarily owes to design. That's why the Mt. Tabor neighborhood protested from the start that modernizing the road would make things worse, because they reasoned correctly that the redesign would, in fact, lead to conditions making excessive speed more likely, and attracting more users.

The city pushed it through because it had the matching funds, because the pay-for-play already was transacted, and -- well -- because of sheer ego. Because it COULD. And now even the chief of police says that design is responsible for speeding.

The design.

You know, the design we just paid millions ... to design.

Engineer Summers speaks for City Hall; why, our powers that be are powerless to do anything about these annual traffic increases (which were invited by the speeding-friendly "new" design), and so they must continue forever adding even more lanes, roundabouts, and whatever else is deemed necessary -- by some of the mayor's principal campaign donors -- to make more work room for added traffic ... and by doing so, assuring there'll be even more traffic (induced demand, folks).

Don't look at me. YOU'RE the ones who keep voting for these people.

Mount Tabor Road traffic again a topic of discussion, by Daniel Suddeath (Tom May Insta-Pulpit)

 ... That project has been a contentious issue between the city and residents of the neighborhood. The roundabout idea was scrapped before the first phase of improvements were launched in 2019 by the city after a public meeting when several residents spoke out against the proposal.


Summers countered that the traffic congestion is a preview of what the road will look like in 10 years if nothing is done.

“This will present a problem for the intersection of Mount Tabor and Klerner as traffic continues to grow,” Summers said, citing a Kentucky Regional Planning and Development Agency study that suggests traffic will increase in the region by about 1 percent annually.

Limiting fireworks is the easy part. Enforcement is New Albany's traditional Achilles heel.

Matt Nash, Greg Phipps, David Barksdale, Al Knable and Scott Blair voted in favor while McLaughlin, Dan Coffey, Bob Caesar and David Aebersold voted against.

A strange council configuration approved a symbolic ordinance that probably will be impossible to enforce; given forceful opposition by the police chief, Deaf Gahan might well veto it anyway.

Meanwhile, within eyesight of my front porch, there are a half-dozen visible and persistent ordinance violations missed weekly when the city works extra hard to enforce just that one ordinance pertaining to blocking the street sweeper.

Welcome to New Albany. It's not an intelligent place, presumably because most of you prefer it that way.

New Albany City Council passes ordinance limiting fireworks, by John Boyle (Bill Hanson's Evangelical Medicine Show)

Vote passed by a 5-4 margin

NEW ALBANY — Citizens of New Albany now have more restrictions regarding when they can shoot off fireworks.

At Thursday's sometimes tense New Albany City Council meeting, council members voted 5-4 in favor of passing an ordinance limiting when fireworks can be used.

The final version of the ordinance, which will be tied in with the current noise ordinance, was identical to that which passed on first and second readings at the Aug. 5 meeting, with an amendment adding two more days to the week after the Fourth of July.

Now, residents of the city can only use consumer fireworks from 5 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. June 29-30, July 1-3, and July 5-11. Fireworks are also allowed from 10 a.m. July 4 to 12:01 a.m. July 5. For New Year's celebrations, fireworks are legal from 10 a.m. Dec. 31 to 1 a.m. Jan 1.

Violations of the ordinance will result in a fine of $150 for the first offense, $300 for the second, and $500 for each thereafter. The ordinance also includes a clause that allows groups and organizations to acquire permits to shoot off fireworks outside of the set time frames.

Discussions of personal liberties took place in the lead up to the vote ...

GREEN MOUSE SAYS: The curious case of the speeding ticket, the honest cop, his fuming chief and the city's abject failure to calm downtown traffic.

The Green Mouse leaned back and drank deeply from his gunmetal flask, the one with the engraved inscription by Gilby Clarke, former guitarist for Guns 'n' Roses.

"You know, Rog, maybe this one's so bizarre even by New Albanian standards that you tell the story straight, with the minimum of embellishment."

Well, I'll give it the good ol' college try.

As with so many modern morality tales, it begins on Facebook. The post, since deleted for reasons which are about to be discussed, became known to the NA Confidential newsroom when I was brought into the ensuing conversation by a mutual friend.

Good thing I had the presence of mind to make a screenshot.

Here's the text:

I never do this, but I can’t help myself.

As I was driving down Spring Street in New Albany, a cop pulls out behind me and turns on his lights. I pulled over to get out of his way. He pulls over behind me. I thought maybe I had a tail light out or something because I wasn’t speeding. He comes to the window and says “Ma’am, you were going 36.” After I said ok, he said he has to give me a ticket because the chief of police for Floyd County told him he had to write 5 tickets in that spot tonight. He said others were driving the same speed in front of me, but there was space for him to pull out and pull me over. The officer proceeds to tell me that the Mayor of New Albany is up for re-election and there are tons of political reasons why they do things like this. He said he never gives tickets, but had no choice tonight per the chief. AND for 36mph, my ticket was $165 !!!!

Folks, this is a joke!!!!! If these are the people running the county I live in, I don’t want them to have their positions any longer!!!

So frustrating ......

Shocking, although it makes perfect sense in a demented, distinctly New Gahanian way.

Having failed to implement a panoply of traffic calming measures over and beyond two-way traffic, as suggested by Jeff Speck and others, and with increasing numbers of neighborhood residents along Spring Street beginning to grasp the sheer extent of the engineering debacle, City Hall's improvised damage control is to do what not one street grid reform advocate ever wanted done, which is use police officers better deployed elsewhere to operate speed traps to facilitate the enforcement that might have been achieved with better results through design -- had city officials not been so woefully ignorant of the design principles involved, and determined not to learn anything from the many studies they'd commissioned.

It didn't take long for the post on social media to rouse the ire of Todd Bailey, chief of police.

DO NOT under any circumstances tell a violator I have directed you to write citations. It is YOUR job and to enforce statutes and I will not tolerate any officer giving violators excuses that it is my order that they are getting citations. It is simple to determine who is doing this and in the event you do so you WILL face severe disciplinary action. You enforce traffic laws because it’s your job, not because you have been directed to do so. I have no idea what insanity has led to telling people this but it stops today.

Wow. The pre-election panic by the Democrats may already have started.

The Green Mouse was told that Bailey called the aggrieved party, apologized, trashed the speeding ticket in return for the original post being deleted from Facebook, then had pointed words with the ticketing officer. The memo reprinted above soon followed. 

Let's hope the officer in question, whose inadvertent honesty is appreciated in dissident circles, isn't cashiered. We're already short on police man (and woman) staffing, aren't we? It's a shame available officers are used at speed traps when properly implemented street design might have turned the trick.

Here's another thought.

Gahan's City Hall famously placed Speck's street study in the hands of favored contractor (and huge mayoral campaign donor) HWC Engineering, which fed the report into a nearby sausage grinder and emerged with a plan that has failed to slow traffic, failed to make streets safer for non-automotive users, and failed to enhance walkability.

As such, when the necessary changes eventually must be made, whether during the current occupant's tenure or by whomever follows, will taxpayers foot the bill -- or HWC?

We’re confused. Does McLaughlin's censure climbdown mean he isn’t a mayoral contender any more, or is he the front runner now?

(Thanks to Jeff Gillenwater for today's header.)

There were somewhere around 80 people at the city council meeting on Monday night, and perhaps in direct response to Pat McLaughlin's censure resolution, management of the City County Building (it's owned by the county) decided to remodel both 3rd floor restrooms, which were closed.

Feeling the effects of pregame cocktails, I sneaked a peek at the men’s room.

It was in such a state of demolition that for a moment there, I thought I was privy to one of David Duggins’ wet dreams about the future of public housing.

On the topic of poo, irresolute thinking as muddled as McLaughlin's should disqualify him from consideration for any future office, but this is New Gahania, not Birdseye, and by noon today the DemoDisneyDixiecratic Party's resident Machiavelli in Knee Pants (A. Dickey) will have transformed McLaughlin's clueless farce into another great propaganda victory for Dear Leader.

How the AdamBot spins this abysmal train wreck is a mystery, but so it goes here in the land of congenital political underachievement.

For the best council coverage you can steal for 600 words at a 3rd-grade level of comprehension during two minutes' reading time, visit the newspaper.

Chris Morris also reports the outcome of the latest zoning imbroglio, in which a development proposed for the corner of Green Valley Road and Daisy Lane was defeated.

Following are five points I learned amid the straining bladders.

1. Clearly, the cynically fabricated hue and cry over Knable's statement to the News and Tribune has had far less to do with his actual comment than seeking to deflect any rational discussion of a combined 9-1-1 call center for city and county -- although if there were a few stray points to be scored by attacking Knable's character, the DemoDisneyDixiecrats are happy to take them. There weren't many, and overall, it's hard to imagine a bigger public relations misfire.

2. Given that there is a rational case to be made for a combined call center (as well as a corresponding argument against it), and seeing that the sliming of Knable was meant to derail anything that might resemble "truthful dialogue," we're compelled to consider the call center issue from a different angle: who currently wets their beaks from the dual call center organization as it presently stands? In short, it's time to follow the money, especially when the upper echelons insist that it's about safety, not cash.

Speaking for myself, I'm pro-union and anti-unigov, but the presence last evening of a spokesman for the call center/dispatcher union provides one clue; another might be found in a detailed examination of the mayor's campaign finance records.

3. Police chief Todd Bailey is planning to run for office. Granted, he hasn't said as much, but since this contrived controversy first reared its nasty, snarling, Gahanesque head, no public appearance by Bailey, as ostensibly devoted to defending the integrity of his unfairly maligned officers (heavens; spare us the melodrama, please), has come without the earnest recitation of his personal curriculum vitae. Bailey currently is jostling with Greg Phipps to determine which of the mayor's hips will be a target for attachment, but of the two, I suspect only the former has the requisite ambition.

4. Speaking of Phipps, the single greatest political disappointment of the current generation, who is fond of bragging about his Olympian detachment when it comes to decision-making, but unfortunately tends to embrace reasoning that mimics the circuitous gibberish of the Delphic Oracle rather than Mr. Spock's Vulcan logic, he was spared from casting a "yes" vote on Monday by virtue of McLaughlin's disintegration. However, Phipps hurriedly reminded the chamber that when it comes to cooperation between city and county, he is opposed to any measure that involves space aliens outside city limits.

Gahan himself couldn't have said it any better, and this is the point. Sycophants, unite -- you have nothing to lose apart from your dignity.

5. Answering Phipps' expression of disdain for perfidious county reactionaries (psst, Greg ... Democrats live there, too unless your implying that ... ), Knable reminded the room that county government recently came into an inheritance, this being the proceeds from the sale of the hospital -- and maybe, just maybe, this is a good sign as it pertains to future cooperation.

Speaking only for myself, sometimes when the facts change, one must recalibrate his opinions. County government no longer is the self-starving mechanism of old, and the closing of JeffBoat assures Clark County of a 20-mile-long development (and redevelopment) corridor from Charlestown and River Ridge to the South Clarksville project at the former Colgate. I may or may not like it, but this is the case. Unfathomable heaps of money are roosting there, and more is coming. If our plan is to bask in the backwash, it would be helpful to have a coherent niche. Right now, we don't.

A luxury dog spa nestled atop a Native American sacred area just might not be enough for New Albany and Floyd County to cope with the ramifications. Instead of wasting everyone's time with a resolution of censure derived from the reeking DemoDisneyDixiecratic swamp of petty and limiting self-interest -- those great big fish in this curbside puddle by the handicapped ramp -- perhaps a genuine commitment to the as-yet purely euphemistic "truthful dialogue" might help us move forward in the coming years.

A final takeaway: The usual DemoDisneyDixiecratic bait and switch -- gestures and signalling about social justice as intended to provide cover for the grubby excesses of the local party's patronage machine -- bears no similarity to the words "truthful dialogue" except as an expression of brutal irony, and as we know, they don't do irony. If there is any lasting value to be derived from McLaughlin's idiotic censure resolution, it's the appearance of these words, "truthful dialogue" within it.

Consequently, if anyone sees "truthful dialogue" emanating from a local ranking Democrat, please let us know. It would be a veritable holiday from the prevailing malice.

The politics of diversion: "Chief Bailey is playing a losing hand, but then, they're not really his cards."

Much ado about nothing, Jeffrey. Zilch, nada ... ничего.

New Albany police chief questions motivation for 911 dispatch merger, by Erin Walden (Let Them Eat Fake)

NEW ALBANY — The need for a joint city-county dispatch center in New Albany is disputed by the city's police chief.

Chief Todd Bailey called a news conference Friday, when he accused City Council President Al Knable of telling a falsehood to show a need for a unified dispatch. Bailey also said the push for joint dispatch is political.

In short, another round of made-for-somnolent-media bile and spittle.

Chief Bailey sadly pursued the same contrived attack line at last week's council meeting, hoisting Jeff Gahan's jockstrap like a maypole as the mayor beamed happily from the bunker's shadows, his increasingly nervous appointed minions trotting out to join forces with the remaining jellied Democratic spines on the city's legislative body to sing a rousing chorus of "Job Security Uber Alles."

In an interview following the news conference, Knable maintained there was a call made, but said he believed the error was on his end, not a result of the two dispatch centers. Knable said he did make a call, and turned over his phone records to the chief of police to prove it, but he used Siri to do so. As Knable explains it, he has the New Albany Police Department’s tip line saved in his phone under “911/NAPD,” so when he instructed Siri to call 911, the virtual phone assistant called the wrong line.

By the time he hung up from the tip line, he had assessed the situation and helped the young child, who had been scared and screaming “fire” and "help,” said Knable, adding at that point he realized it wasn’t an emergency. He said he did not make claims of an alarm sounding.

Knable contends Bailey's focus on the anecdote is a distraction from the bigger conversation, merging the two centers and “making sure the taxpayers have the safest, most-efficient system out there.”

“I’m looking to get the chief of police, sheriff, mayor and commissioners to the table,” Knable said.

The fact is that throughout this entire 9-1-1 call center non-discussion, Bailey's professional integrity hasn't ever been questioned, not even once.

Rather, certain Republicans, joined by some like-minded independents and even a Democrat or two, are petitioning for a discussion of costs and potential savings.

Is this also a political position? Yes, just as much as Gahan's benumbed, rote insistence that past county government fiscal turpitude -- a habit of suicide by starvation pioneered not by the GOP but by old-school Strom Thurmondesque pretend Democrats like Ted Heavrin and Larry McAllister -- somehow forms an eternal excuse for the mayor to erect straw men and gather municipal power into a veneer salesman's idea of an unbearably vapid cult of personality.

Another day and another display of petty, time-wasting theatrics by Team Gahan's resident DemoDisneyDixiecrats.

Is this really the best that local government has to offer?

Previously: The devil's in the framing, and it's public safety versus cold hard cash in the discussion about merging city and county dispatch centers.

We agree completely with Todd and Warren: "These are still cold calls to people's houses ... (and) there are so many scams out there and people are concerned about answering their doors."

We'd be utterly remiss without properly attributing the preceding photos: They're from the Floyd County Democratic Party, which has been defending you from cold calls and porch scams since, uh, er ... never mind.

ASK THE BORED: Horse posteriors. Anti-intellectualism and indie business shaming on July 18. It's just as Jeff Gahan trains his blundering gatekeepers to be.

But the same party functionaries are right there at the Board of Public Works and Safety, defending you from pre-arranged social research by accredited academicians.

Feeling safer yet?

NA Confidential is delighted to know the police chief takes such a strong stance against unsolicited household visits. The next time we see him and his political cronies doing it again, we're going to call the police and have them hauled off. Per Warren Nash, Greg Phipps, et al, if there are any questions about it after the fact, we'll just lie and attribute it to miscommunication.

Isn't it time these candidates show us their solicitation permits? It won't stop us from baring our pitchforks, but at least the hypocrisy would be more entertaining.

(thanks to Jeff Gillenwater)

The July 19 BOW: All Chloe Allen's family has is Keith Henderson's word for it. No wonder they seek more information.

At this morning's Board of Public Works and Safety meeting, I asked again about the investigation of the Chloe Allen case.

From roadway bomb craters to pedestrian death investigations: This morning's Board of Public Works and Safety meeting -- with the undermanned newspaper AWOL.

Interestingly, what Police Chief Todd Bailey told me this morning differs from what I was told last week by an investigator in the prosecutor's office. I was told last week that the CART (accident reconstruction) file was closed, and Keith Henderson had determined no charges were merited against the driver.

However, Bailey said that the investigation remains open because state toxicology lab reports have yet to be returned.

This revelation is unlikely to change anything, but I'll stay on it. Might as well; I can't dance.

In my other comments, I relayed the concern of the 3rd district resident about the intersection of Elm and 13th, as explained in this morning's post.

ASK THE BORED: "People go WAY too fast and even turn up the wrong way on Elm. There needs to be a 4-way stop at this intersection before someone gets killed."

My thoughts were noted, and are unlikely to change anything, but (see above).

Other highlights from the BOW of July 19:

His Irvness
Irv Stumler was on hand to support efforts to clean up a hoarder's derelict property on Hausfeldt Lane, an ongoing process that board chairman Nash noted was hung up in court. Stumler encouraged the city to petition the court for permission to send in the backhoes.

Jeff Eastridge
A first-hand account of the Big Dig at 5th & Elm was provided. Amid a repair effort that has resulted in the pumping out of water 24-hours-a-day, five separate open stormwater lines have been found, and two water line leaks repaired.

These stormwater lines had slots cut into them, under the apparent theory that water would travel down into them, but when the lines were full, the water came up instead, loosening sand and dirt, and flushing them back into the line to be carried off.

Pilings have been driven onto bedrock. As soon as the water company finishes cleaning up its mess, the hole can be filled. MAYBE next week.

Upper Spring Street Road Diet 
Wes Christmas said all is going according to schedule, and the target date for completion is late September or the very beginning of October. Once finished, bicyclists will be able to enter this section of Spring from Beharrell, travel to Vincennes, then have absolutely no place to go.

The Jeffersonville Chain Newspaper
It sent a steno this morning. Film at 6. Yawn.

Here is the agenda for Tuesday morning's April merchant group meeting.

Note: The chief of police will be on hand to answer your questions. Can you guess what I'll be asking of him?

---

New Albany Meeting Agenda

April 19th, 2016 at 8:30 am

Carnegie Center for Art & History Museum

Open to all merchants, restaurants & businesses

Conducting the meeting: Kim & Teresa

Question & Answers:Chief of Police Todd Bailey

City updates: Tonya/Courtney

Old Business:
New Business:

May 4th - Showcase to promote Tourism and Travel

Ribbon Cuttings:
Eventful 203 – April 21st at 4:30 pm
Adaptive Nursing – May 26th, time TBD
Gospel Bird – Rescheduled TBD

Adjourn:
Next meeting is May 17th – Location to be determined. If you would like to have a meeting at your business, please let us know.

May meeting ISBDC – Social Media in business

FOP: Gahan has apparently made it his goal to make every police officer feel disrespected.

Meanwhile, #sadlackey

Jeff Gahan took office on January 1, 2012. Since that date, can you guess how many times he has met en masse with New Albany's police department?

Zero ... as in not once. Incredible, isn't it?

Readers, click through to The New Albanist to read the complete letter from the Fraternal Order of Police. Take it away, Mr. Smith.

Mr. Gahan’s “Blue” Problem

 ... In order to give broader coverage to their plaint, I’m republishing the text of a newspaper advertisement placed this week by the Fraternal Order of Police, Lodge 99. And yes, I’m doing so because I believe the safety and well-being of this city depend on Jeff Gahan being retired from public office. Indeed, I am continually amused that so many feign outrage that a blog, a Facebook post, or a Tweet might contain an actual wish that the writer’s preferred candidate be elected and that the incumbent be retired. City employees and appointees and the mayor’s family members seem to think that electoral politics requires silence about the issues and deference to their chosen one.

Gahan: Body cameras utterly redundant in perfect human societies like New Albany's.

There are times when I feel a fleeting twinge of sympathy for Mayor Jeff Gahan's handlers, as when he somehow squirms out of their leaden grasp, improvises off script, and unleashes a whopper like this one.

“Fortunately, our community doesn’t feel the pressure to implement a body camera program at this time,” New Albany Mayor Jeff Gahan said Friday.

The NAPD has a good relationship with the community, and there hasn’t been an outcry from the public or any specific organizations to require officers to wear body cameras, he continued.

It isn't easy reducing this bizarre sentiment to its most bedrock, fundamental "WTF," but we must try. First, the link to Daniel Suddeath's piece in the News and Tribune.

No body cameras for New Albany police, yet

NEW ALBANY — A growing trend locally and in cities throughout the nation has been a call for police officers to be equipped with body cameras.

Well-documented cases, including the police shooting of a man in Louisville last month who was attacking a cop before being fatally wounded, have placed more attention on interactions between law enforcement and the public.

But the New Albany Police Department doesn’t appear likely to be getting body cameras soon, though officials said the idea has been, and will continue to be, a point of discussion.

Interestingly, my fellow mayoral candidate Kevin Zurschmiede heard the same thing I did with reference to cameras, namely that the body cameras already been purchased. Props to KZ for airing the issue, which was denied by Chief Todd Bailey.

Zurschmiede questions recent purchases of NAPD cameras (Suddeath)

NEW ALBANY — There have been some misconceptions by officers when it comes to New Albany Police Chief Todd Bailey and Mayor Jeff Gahan’s statements about a body camera program, City Councilman and mayoral candidate Kevin Zurschmiede said Friday.

After a News and Tribune article published Monday about the city’s decision not to implement a body camera program at least in the near future, Zurschmiede said multiple NAPD officers informed him that up to 45 video recorders had been recently purchased by the department.

Such is the state of polarization in America that a truly balanced discussion of the body camera issue is difficult. It may or may not be the case that the NAPD has a "good relationship with the community," but agreeing to this assertion still does not preclude working to make the relationship better (as the officers with whom I've spoken favor) or supporting technological applications capable of providing facts when what matters most is the truth.

Another Police-Involved Shooting Marks a Turning Point in the Debate on Body Cameras, by Kriston Capps (City Lab)

 ... Outstanding questions on how body cams should be implemented deserve answers. Should police themselves decide who sees the footage—and what parts people see? Should it be as easy to dial up a local law-enforcement body cam as it is to view footage on a traffic cam? What laws will safeguard the privacy rights of officers? Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Legitimate policy concerns notwithstanding, we would not have a clear picture of DuBose’s death without the officer’s body-cam footage. The dark suspicions of his family may be right: Without that body camera, we might not have ever discovered the truth.

There was no clamor, pressure or outcry to install a water park, and yet Gahan was pro-active to the tune of $20 million in park system construction. Perhaps his basic tone deafness pertaining to public safety issues best explains this weird, reactive ambivalence about body cameras.

It should make us all pause and ask: How many other public safety measures are not being considered owing to Gahan's faulty perceptions of supply-and-demand, and how many potential problems will be addressed only after they occur?

How does this make us "fundamentally better," Mr. Mayor?

ON THE AVENUES: Bridge envy in a time of 18-wheelers.

ON THE AVENUES: Bridge envy in a time of 18-wheelers. 

A weekly web column by Roger A. Baylor.

Surely at least a few New Albany governmental officials and their perennial glad-handlers, the Democratic Party’s oblivious and antediluvian grandees, have not failed to grasp the supreme irony of Jeffersonville’s miraculous overnight conversion to regional hot spot.

It’s all because of a bridge, of course, but not just any bridge. It’s an urban conversion of an abandoned rail link, and an epochal adaptive reuse. It’s a bridge for people who walk (gasp), and to a slightly lesser extent, those who bike. It is not one of the billion dollar bridges being constructed for cars, trucks and automotive-laced Viagra bingeing.

What’s more, the Big Four pedestrian bridge is a generator of virtual reality unparalleled outside of Pixar. The novelty of the bridge’s mere presence is a glamor shot for Jeffersonville, which in the main is no less gritty than before, but now finds itself sexy as viewed from mid-river, suddenly acclaimed by area style arbiters as the latest and greatest Southern Indiana city ever to have refrained from canal building.

All of this front-running is fitting and proper, and personally, I’m happy that Jeffersonville finally has a shtick to call its own. Sadly, there’ll be some tough times ahead for Jeff’s emerging downtown indie entrepreneurs as the Kerry Stemler Memorial Cluster Project achieves full monetary tumescence, because Stemler’s Golly will deter those driving among us, for whom walking was something to be abandoned after high school, along with homework, pom poms and hope.

At the moment, it’s more interesting to see the Big Four’s effect on the New Albanian civic thought process. However, as usual, first there must be evidence of thought.

I see the outline of something from 1947. Can someone call the forensics team? It might be an idea, or at least a local Democratic Party platform plank.

---

I think that New Albany’s recurring, historic and indigenous manic depression currently is being manifested by bridge envy on an epic scale.

While it is true that the K & I bridge should be forcibly removed from the leaden grip of Norfolk Southern – the quicker and more violently, the better – in order to “close” the recreational loop, hopes and dreams that a railway Hail Mary will occur any time soon is a waste of valuable time in the here and now.

Furthermore, even if the K & I opened tomorrow for pedestrian and bicycling use, timer-serving city officials like John “Let’s Move the Tractor Trailers Down Spring and Elm” Rosenbarger could not be trusted at all to actually link it to anything in any way that makes sense.

It’s relatively easy to imagine eager folks coming across the K & I and descending to the Greenway, but it’s impossible to picture them moving from the bridge to Vincennes Street without encountering a Rosenbarger Roundabout serving to channel them right back to Portland, or perhaps 50 mph traffic discouraging forward progress.

Trust me on this one: When I’m elected mayor, Rosenbarger will become the highest paid cigarette butt remover this city has ever seen, leaving him free to mutter like a plucked peacock about the eternal stupidity of his political bosses, and the boundless depravity of the general public, but deprived of his ability to punish us any further with Gail Wynand-style “improvements” to the street grid.

But I digress.

Actually, New Albany doesn’t need a pedestrian bridge, although we’ll take it when it finally comes. What we need most of all is to look at the principles animating the success of the Big Four, and to apply them to the city’s layout at-large.

Self-evidently, these animating principles are walkability and bikeability. If our street grid reflects the characteristics that now are making the Big Four so popular, we benefit even more than Jeffersonville, because in New Albany, walkability and bikeability can be harnessed to connect neighborhoods with the central business district, and link the same neighborhoods to outlying “thinking” destinations like IU Southeast and the Purdue Center.

Two-way completed streets made suitable for all persons, not just those piloting motorized vehicles, should be the stated, above-board, publicly advance and ultimate goal.

Apart from Rosenbarger himself, who quite soon will be looking for creative, self-serving ways to biblically emulate Peter and deny Jeff Speck three or more times, New Albany’s city officials theoretically agree with me, and promise to embrace Speck’s street study as a means toward the end I’m prescribing here today.

Will they follow through?

---

The tractor trailer driver unceremoniously flipped me off, and I laughed out loud.

After all, all I’d done was take his picture – more accurately, I’d photographed his block-long vehicle occupying the entirety of Spring Street, from one side to the other, inclusive of both bicycle lanes to nowhere, in an effort to make a turn without commanding the sidewalk.

But why the bird, dude?

How do you know that my shutter wasn’t snapping because my hot male metal engine lust had been aroused, and that far from denigrating you, or exposing you, that I was expressing my solidarity with you – with all that power, all that huge machine-precision monster truck clear-the-fuck-away authority, right here in the so-called “neighborhood” where I live?

Or: Is that Peterbilt, or are you just happy to see me?

It’s just life in Truck Through City, where on consecutive days in June, neither the city council nor the board of public works (and safety, natch) had any clue as to existing rules governing use of the streets both purport to administer. Thanks again to Todd Bailey, our returning chief of police, for his ongoing research about the same, and his public avowal that problems obviously exist.

Wow. Think about it. If the mayor knew you were going to be open and honest, Chief, you may not have gotten the job back.

Good luck.

Todd Bailey: NAPD traffic enforcement officers to monitor Spring Street.

Enforcement alone isn't going to turn any tides.

Streets designed to be traveled at high rates of speed for maximum pass-through effect will encourage speeding.

But it is refreshing to have a police chief who does not come out of the gate denying there is a problem. It sounds as though Todd Bailey might offer more than setting up a cursory hour's worth of radar research, as occurred last year. He even sounds like he gives a damn.

Mark my words: If the Jeff Speck study comes back as most of us think it will, and even if the city adapts every single proposal, you can bet your paycheck that Spring Street will be the last section of it to be completed. That's why the city's propensity to wait for the study results must be combated; it's merely an excuse to continue ignoring the problem. That's why I appreciate the chief of police's support these past two days.

Police monitoring speeding along Spring Street in New Albany; Traffic enforcement enhanced in response to residents' complaints, by Daniel Suddeath (N and T)

NEW ALBANY — Responding to complaints from city residents, New Albany Police Chief Todd Bailey said traffic enforcement has been enhanced along Spring Street.

Two residents that spoke during the New Albany Board of Public Works Meeting Tuesday also questioned the city’s policy regarding weight and safety standards for tractor-trailers.

Bailey said he will research the city’s laws — if there are any — regarding weight limits for vehicles, and report back to the board of works next week.

The issue has also been raised by New Albany City Councilman John Gonder, who said he was concerned about the damage habitual use of the roads by heavy commercial vehicles will cause to streets.

With East Main Street constricted due to construction, Roger Baylor, co-owner of the New Albanian Brewing Co. who resides off Spring Street, said more tractor-trailers are appearing on other city streets.

Large, fast-traveling vehicles such as tractor-trailers are hazardous to residents, particularly pedestrians, Baylor said.

He added that speeding is a general problem on Spring Street regardless of the type of vehicle.

Erika swoons as Todd Bailey returns as police chief.

The last time Todd Bailey's name appeared at NAC, it was attached to one of Professor Erika's whacked-out-standing-men lists. Luckily for Todd, unlike some of her previous honorees, he wasn't dead yet.

Having served his political penance, Todd is back as police chief. I thought he had some good ideas last time, so here's to the reprise.

Todd Bailey named New Albany Police Department chief; The former chief was named to replace Sherri Knight, by Jerod Clapp (Suwannee Democrat)

NEW ALBANY — Todd Bailey will again take the position of New Albany’s chief of police after Sherri Knight’s reassignment Tuesday.

Bailey, who was the chief immediately preceding Knight, was named as the department’s leader in a news release from Mayor Jeff Gahan’s office today, May 24. Kenneth Fudge, who was the chief of detectives, will serve as deputy chief and William Popp will remain the uniform division commander ...

... Bailey openly campaigned for Irv Stumler for mayor in the 2011 Democratic Party Primary. After Gahan was elected, he was reassigned as the department’s second-shift commander.