There goes the hood. Now I'm getting all nostalgic for redlining.

1117 E. Spring in red. 

How could the neighborhood association allow this to happen? Wait -- I forgot. City Hall owns the neighborhood association.

Look, just give me that cool million Doug promised, and we'll leave. It might be just enough to buy a house in Northampton MA -- or 25 slumlord properties in NA.

ASK THE BORED: Irv's latest proposal for trucking safety, noise non-exemptions, and a probable date for the two-way streets vote.

According to the Green Mouse, this morning at the Board of Public Works and Safety, Irv "Terminator" Stumler plans to unveil a compromise proposal from the Justice League of New Albany, a vigilante organization founded by New Albany's trucking company superduperheroes for the purpose of preserving their mechanized environment from the vile depredations (look it up, Shane) of stupid people too poor to own cars.

Stumler will explain to the bored that since street safety for trucks is the ultimate concern of the Justice League, and while heavy trucks never, ever operate above the speed limit when traversing the city, it still might happen on rare occasions when the radar cops are out having doughnuts, and so it's vitally important for precautions to be put into place in case of brake failure.

Specifically, one of these.

Stumler and the League already have the perfect site in mind.

BOW is expected to take Stumler's proposal under advisement. Meanwhile, something odd occurred at last week's meeting (October 4).

But didn't the ordinance include just such a provision? Councilmen who may be reading: Huh? What gives?

Finally, the Green Mouse has been told that BOW's vote on two-way streets will come at its first meeting AFTER the election, on Tuesday, November 15 -- that is, if the Justice League doesn't blockade Hauss Square with a fleet of Padgett's erections.

Hey, Vectren ... just a few months late on my Valentine.

But it's okay. Whatever they do, after they're finished, they'll be at the Bored of Works to receive retroactive approval.

I almost forgot: Nationalize utility monopolies now!

ON THE AVENUES: Dear Neighbor: If you’re tired of the same old story, turn some pages.

ON THE AVENUES: Dear Neighbor: If you’re tired of the same old story, turn some pages*

A weekly web column by Roger A. Baylor.

Dear neighbor,

Some of you know me, and others don’t, so please allow me to introduce myself.

I’m Roger, and I’m running for mayor of New Albany as an independent candidate, although throughout my life, I’ve voted with the Democratic Party the vast majority of the time.

Seeing that it’s perfectly natural for you to ask me what has changed, I intend to explain it as honestly as I can, but first there is the other side of the aisle to consider.

While political party affiliation is not a perfect indicator of local voting patterns (I support non-partisan local elections, anyway), it provides a reasonable anchor for guesswork, and as such, most New Albanians who identify with the Republican Party – or self-identify as “conservative” – probably will be voting for Kevin Zurschmiede this fall.

Consequently, if you live near me in the 3rd council district and have declared your support for Kevin, I understand completely. Carry on; smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em.

At the same time, what I have to say might be of interest to you, too.

In 2003, my wife Diana and I bought our house at 1117 E. Spring Street. Like homeowners all across the city, we began investing time and money in our home, property and neighborhood.

In 2009, as the part-owner of a restaurant and brewery business, I took the concept of “skin in the game” a step further, and NABC chose downtown New Albany as the place to invest in its second location.

It should suffice to say we’re invested, and heavily so. You may have heard that I’m selling my share of NABC to my business partners, but I’m not going anywhere, and the company will be part of the community for many years to come. I’ll continue to think globally and drink locally.

Almost from the start, Diana and I began attending meetings of the East Spring Street Neighborhood Association. The topics of conversation back then mostly had to do with how a relative handful of local activists could overcome systemic inertia and reverse the long-term neglect, and subsequent devaluation, of what once had been a vibrant residential neighborhood.

At monthly meetings from 2003 forward, the culprits were discussed, among them high-speed, one-way arterial streets slicing through populated areas; the city’s maddening inconsistency in enforcing its own ordinances; the complete absence of rental property registration and inspection; and the social disengagement caused by these necessary fundamentals being neither addressed nor understood by the dysfunctional leadership caste.

In fact, the very first mention of rental properties at my NAC blog, coming just a few months after it began, was in this article: Startling fact: 50% of drug labs are found on rental property.

Fast forwarding to the most recent ESNA meeting I attended in August of 2015, a full 12 years after the first, and what were the primary topics of conversation?

That’s right. The very same ones.

One-way streets remain fast, unsafe and a drag on property values. Code enforcement still is a coin flip, and slumlords as yet remain free to behave as they please, without any semblance of regulation.

Is George W. Bush still President, too? Has Grenada surrendered? Do we have a polio vaccine yet?

A space alien might be forgiven for speculating whether this chronic inactivity – an unabated 12-year period of utterly miserable nothingness – might be the result of two-party gridlock, or maybe a paucity of civic funding.

Sadly, we know better. Here is the breakdown of executive and legislative office holders in the city for the periods in question, by political party.

2004-2007
Democratic mayor, eight Democratic council members (including Jeff Gahan), one Republican.

2008-2011
Democratic mayor, eight Democratic council members (including Jeff Gahan), one Republican.

2012-2015
Democratic mayor (Jeff Gahan), seven Democratic council members, one Republican and one independent.

As for municipal finances, budgets were in the annual range of $13 million when we bought our house in 2003. In 2016, the budget has doubled, coming in at around $26 million. That’s a lot of money.

But streets still are one-way.
And ordinances still are ignored.
The slumlords? They laugh.

There can be only one reasonable conclusion: Democrats want it this way. Consequently, it is time to realize that pulling the same voting lever over and over again in the hope of a different outcome is insane.

Time and again, the neighborhood has supported Democrats.

Time and again, Democrats have not supported the neighborhood.

This must stop, and I’m asking for your support to help make it stop.

I’ll add this one addendum. For what it’s worth, and speaking only for myself, my votes in the forthcoming election will go to those city council candidates who have publicly advocated for two way streets.

First-time Republican at-large candidate Al Knable is one, along with Democratic incumbents John Gonder (at large) and Greg Phipps (my own 3rd district).

Yes, at times I’ve been disappointed with both Gonder and Phipps. However, I believe they’ve been sullied and bullied by Jeff Gahan’s egotistical toxicity and the formless intellectual vacancy of the reigning Democratic Party leadership, and are deserving of another chance and another dance with a mayor who, at long last, actually “gets it,” which I do.

For those New Albany residents reading today who don’t live in our neighborhood, just take a page from Ronald Reagan’s notebook and ask the question.

Is YOUR neighborhood better off today than it was in 2002?

In addition to the factors mentioned here, is the storm water draining? Does your snow get plowed? How’s traffic?

Let’s face it: New Albany isn’t a big place. Much of it fits between the Knobs, I-265, the Ohio River and Silver Creek, and these landmarks are only a few miles apart. All of our neighborhoods are fairly close together, and all of them would benefit from getting the fundamentals right.

But to be done right, fundamentals must be every day, not every now and then. Jeff Gahan’s term as mayor has been about purchasing bright, shiny objects with property taxes yet to be paid by your grandchildren, and hoping you don’t notice the ongoing problems.

Actually, the city isn’t cleaner. The city is living on what amounts to credit cards. And there’s nothing fundamentally “better” about any of this.

It isn’t the East Spring Street neighborhood alone. It’s all of us.

I’m running for mayor as an independent because the Democratic Party has failed the city’s neighborhoods.

We need to stop rewarding failure, and I’d appreciate your support.

Thanks,

Roger

---

* RIP, Gary Richrath

---

Recent columns:

September 10: ON THE AVENUES: Lanesville Heritage Weekend comes around again.

September 3: ON THE AVENUES: When even Mitt Romney can run to the left of New Albany’s Democrats, it's a very big problem.

August 27: ON THE AVENUES: Whips, chains and economic development (2010).

August 20: ON THE AVENUES: In the groove.

August 13: ON THE AVENUES: It’s time to purge two-party politics and tie the community together.

August 10: ON THE AVENUES SPECIAL EDITION: When it comes to the RCI, can the RDA opt out of the RFRA?

August 6: ON THE AVENUES: Money is the ultimate bully.

New Albany's new slogan: "Truck Through City" ... Part 58: Yes, the cars all stopped THIS time. Welcome to "public safety" in New Albany.

The cars were roaring down from 15th Street when she started to cross Spring, and yes, all of them stopped. It reminded me that just the other day, a friend who lives on Main Street praised the changes there.

Crossing the street is far safer than before.

That's wonderful, except that the changes on Main Street have rendered Spring Street even more dangerous to cross than before. This is not a net gain for "public safety" in the city, is it? When another's "quality of life" is harmed to improve one's own, there really is no justification for John Rosenbarger to keep his job, is there?

And yes, city government continues to drool absent-mindedly into space, inert and useless, as the trucks just keep on coming.

The recent annals of the parade, this year with NABC Strassen Bräu.

This Saturday, October 5, is the annual Harvest Homecoming Parade in downtown New Albany.

Pictured above is a scene from the 2009 parade, when NABC had its fire truck float. Note the absence of the steeple on St. Mary's. It was being restored post-hurricane, and the church being made ready for an exterior refitting when the parade passed it that year.

Because the parade's traditional final turn is from Spring Street onto Bank Street, you can see the whole show at Bank Street Brewhouse with a Progressive Pint in hand. BSB will open at 11:00 a.m., and while the parade begins at noon, it takes a while for it to reach our craft beer-fueled reviewing stand.

For the occasion of the October 5 parade, NABC is releasing Strassen Bräu, our Bavarian-style Marzen/Oktoberfest. It will be pouring at BSB as well as the original Pizzeria & Public House location. Also on the 5th, we’ll launch a final hurrah for Tricentennial Ale. As of today, roughly 100 hand-numbered of the limited edition of 300 bottles remain in stock for purchase (both NABC locations) and draft is down to a handful of kegs — which will be tapped at both locations on parade day.

Finally, the annual parade party at the 1117 East Spring Street Neighborhood Association is once again on. Stay tuned for further details, and RSVP if you intend to stop by.

9th annual NAC Harvest Homecoming Parade gala, non-bicentennial edition, is this Saturday, October 5.

As the view above from parade day 2008 wholly implies, the tradition lives on.

Saturday (October 5) will be the 9th such Harvest Homecoming parade gathering hosted by Mr. and Mrs. Confidential at their domicile on East Spring Street, world headquarters of the 1117 East Spring Neighborhood Association.

This time, HH is importing Scribners from far and wide in order to reinforce yet again what our flawed and disposable bicentennial shouldn't ever have been about -- what, none of them could bear the thought of remaining in the hometown of their veneration?

But Bob Caesar's grinning, and when Buddha smiles, the rest of us reach for our air(head) sickness bags.

Back to the parade party: You're invited to drop by and say hello. As noted oft times before, there’ll be craft draft beer (probably NABC's Strassen Bräu) and a place to watch the parade, which begins around 12:00 noon, although we'll be available from 10:00 a.m. or so for the usual slider brunch.

Beer snacks are welcomed, but because we'll move the celebration downtown immediately after the parade concludes, there is no need to bring a dish or more complicated foodstuffs. You may need to bring a camp chair. If there is rain, we may remain huddled on the porch. With beer. We will drink the whole day through, and contemplate alternative universes where the streets run both ways.

If you're an anonymous commentator from another blog, you're welcomed, too, but you must wear a paper sack over your head to preserve the fiction. Hint: The one with protruding Chesterfield is Erika herself.

"Lazy Bones."

My customary morning routine includes home office desk time for writing and paperwork. Last Thursday I was starting to feel heat from the window as the rising sun got over the treetops across the street. At my feet was Bugg, our youngest, basking in the warmth.

Of course, Bugg couldn't leave well enough alone, and she began performing once the shutter began to snap. Still, my first impression of the scene, apart from a desire to immediately swap jobs with her, was to recall a song: "Lazy Bones," with lyrics by Johnny Mercer and music by Hoosier native son Hoagy Carmichael. There are numerous recorded versions, but how could my chosen performer NOT be Leon Redbone?

The eighth NAC Harvest Homecoming Parade Voyeur Society gala is this Saturday, Oct. 6.

The tradition lives on. Saturday will be the 8th such gathering hosted by Mr. and Mrs. Confidential at their domicile on East Spring Street, world headquarters of the 1117 East Spring Neighborhood Association.

You're invited to drop by and say hi. As noted many times before, there’ll be craft draft beer and a place to watch the parade, which begins around 12:00 noon, although we'll be available from 10:00 a.m. or so for the usual slider brunch.

Beer snacks are welcomed, but because we'll move the celebration downtown immediately after the parade concludes, there is no need to bring a dish or more complicated foodstuffs. You may need to bring a camp chair, although admittedly the current weather forecast calls for cool and rain, and we may remain huddled on the porch. With beer.

If you're an anonymous commentator from another blog, you're welcomed, too, but you must wear a paper sack over your head to preserve the fiction.

NABC Gold and the annals of the parade.

This Saturday, October 6, is the annual Harvest Homecoming Parade in downtown New Albany.

Pictured above is a scene from the 2009 parade, when NABC had its fire truck float. Note the absence of the steeple on St. Mary's. It was being restored post-hurricane, and the church being made ready for an exterior refitting when the parade passed it that year.

Because the parade's traditional final turn is from Spring Street onto Bank Street, you can see the whole show at Bank Street Brewhouse with a Progressive Pint in hand. BSB will open at 11:00 a.m., and while the parade begins at noon, it takes a while for it to reach our craft beer reviewing stand.

Although it has been on tap for a few weeks, NABC Gold’s official unveiling is on Saturday. To celebrate, there’ll be $3 pints of Gold all day long. NABC Gold is the latest addition to our Session Series (4.2%), and brewed in the style of American blonde ale.

Hoosier Daddy Crimson & Cream Ale will be on tap, too; in fact, we intend to continue brewing it through next spring. Finally, the annual parade party at the 1117 East Spring Street Neighborhood Associations is once again on. Stay tuned for further details.

There's another stump in heaven.

Back on June 23, 2010, the dead tree in front of the 1117 East Spring Street Neighborhood Association suddenly was gone. NAC thanked the city, and gently reminded the powers that be: "Now, about that stump grinding ... "

As you can see, yesterday (or was it Monday -- I've been at a distilling conference, for heaven's sake) the stump disappeared, although the hole remains.

Let's not be churlish. Thanks to the city, the tree board, Clean and Green, or the colossal radioactive beaver ... in short, thanks to whomever removed the stump.

Seeing as the hole remains unfilled, are we to surmise that a sapling will be coming our way, albeit in 21 months or so?

At home or at work, Indiana-American Water Company just doesn't give a damn. Hint: Few monopolies do.

For the second time in less than a year, the water's off because the Indiana-American water monopoly (why?) was doing "routine" maintenance sans prior notice, and in the process of being "routine," broke a valve on a fire hydrant, requiring a water shut-off for an entire block or more, except that this time, it won't cost my business $10K in lost sales because it's just the homestead, and the cats already have water in their bowls.

The dentist office next door might not be feeling as charitable. Good luck to them as they try to extract anything beyond a "gee, we're sorry" response from the utility monopoly.

Coincidence?

Maybe, just maybe, INAWC delays its "routine" maintenance for too long, thus increasing the odds of "unexpected" valve snappings owing to neglect? Anyone keeping records on how many times such valve breaks occur? It might make interesting reading.

Let's go back to the future, and recall what happpened in 2010.

No State Police poaching at the Pizzeria & Public House tonight, because IN-AWC learned "routine" in Pyongyang.

Hats off to Indiana American Water for making something called "scheduled maintenance" from 1:00 to 3:00 p.m. (which we were not once told was even happening) into a neighborhood catastrophe lasting all day on Friday. If they were in a mood to return phone calls, I'd give you their side of it.

Eventually, humans began answering the phone and actually calling me back, and the theme was universal: It isn't our fault.

Normal hours at the Pizzeria & Public House today, and HBG at Bank Street until 4:30 p.m.

If you are an employee of Indiana American Water, you'll be charged an additional 300% at both our locations to help begin recouping the money lost owing to your company's incompetence yesterday. Thanks for understanding.

The Lion in Winter.

Long the guiding force behind the 1117 East Spring Street Neighborhood Association, Commandante Nero is shown here resting after a satisfying tuna snack.

We've made incorrect assumptions before; now it seems that Nero is in eclipse, with blindness in one eye and occasional bouts of behavior not unlike dementia in humans, though as of yet these symptoms seem quite mild. But there is no sadness, because this cat has lived a very long life. In March, he will be 22.

In recognition of his advancing age and declining health, Nero has asked me to pass along this statement:

“If nominated, I will not accept; if drafted, I will not run; if elected, I will not serve.”

Courtesy of the leadership cadre of the 1117 E. Spring St. Neighborhood Association.

Dead trees gone.

Kudos to the street department, Board of Works or whomsoever sent the crews around earlier today to remove dead trees along Spring Street, including this one in front of the 1117 ESSNA. We are sincerely thankful, and now there's space for an expanded condom machine: World's largest condom machine to eliminate the need for membership dues at the 1117 East Spring Neighborhood Association.

Now, about that stump grinding ...

Now on the Jouett Meekin Memorial Keg Box ...

... at the 1117 East Spring Street Neighborhood Association, it's:

Aecht Schlenkerla Fastenbier. Stay tuned for our handy new on-line reservation form so you can book your visits to the friendly confines of 1117 and help plot the 2011 3rd district council de-selection campaign over a long, cool smoked lager.

World's largest condom machine to eliminate the need for membership dues at the 1117 East Spring Neighborhood Association.

Encouraged by the continuing presence of the Coke machine out in front of the slumlord property on the 600 block of E. Elm, which apparently (but certainly not unexpectedly) has survived the city's stated intent to remove it from its sidewalk, the newly chartered 1117 East Spring Street Neighborhood Association (1117 NA) is delighted to announce that the first step toward its goal of financial independence will be the world's largest condom dispensing machine, to be located on the city's property where a dead tree currently stands.

Whenever the city gets around to cutting down the tree ...

(Psst ... what if they move as slowly on the dead tree as they have on the Coke machine ... then where do we put the condom machine?)

... the 1117 NA will begin constructing its fundraiser.

In other news, the president of 1117 NA, Hugo Baylor (the aria-loving tabby, and one of four cats who are members of 1117 NA) will visit his North Korean leadership counterpart Kim Jong Il next week to seek a grant for $1345.87 that will enable 1117 NA to remove a dead tree from the city's property before the city's target date of 2017.

New neighborhood association chartered in New Albany.

With a population of 6 – two humans and four cats – the 1117 East Spring Street Neighborhood Association (1117 NA, for short), seeks to capitalize on the city's enduring, unceasing factionalist disunity by actively competing against other, like-minded groups for scarce and diminishing resources at the precise time when co-operation is most needed.

“We believe that circling our wagon is the best approach to deal with the transitional status of the areas outside our own tiny patch of turf,” says 1117 NA founder R. A. Baylor.

“This way, it’s all for number one, and none for all.”

In like spirit, the formation of the 1117 NA is being lauded by those parasitical elements that readily thrive in New Albany’s historic downtown residential areas in the absence of principled unity, including the Slumlord Benevolent Society (SBS), the Meth Cooker’s Alliance (MCA), the Diversity Ends at the Tip of My Porch’s Nose (DETMPN), and the Committee to Re-elect Steve Price (JETHRO).

Its perimeter duly staked, 1117 NA intends an immediate petition to the Indiana Housing & Community Development Authority (IHCDA) Board of Directors for “purely an afterthought” funding from the NSP Community Neighborhood Revitalization Fund.

According to Baylor, 1117 NA’s bid for afterthought funding stands in stark contrast with applications submitted by other, larger neighborhood associations in the area.

“Seeking the betterment of whole city blocks is effete, outmoded, pie in the sky blather from the same liberal minds that brought us socialistic health care,” he says. “It only makes the slumlords mad, while getting the rest of us dirty. However, 1117 NA’s bold, innovative proposal keeps it small and sustainable. If approved, these neighborhood stabilization monies will be used as soon as possible to enhance the quality of life where it matters most: Right here at 1117 E. Spring.”

Items on 1117 NA’s neighborhood revitalization checklist include a big-ass brick wall to keep everyone else out, a new hot tub on the back patio, a humidor and cigar lounge in the unfinished basement, more refrigeration and beer tapping capability, and guaranteed lifetime supplies of both cat food and kitty litter.

Baylor said that when it comes to existing neighborhood associations, there are no hard feelings.

“There’s no ‘team’ in ‘I’, and there’s no ‘communal’ in ‘lone wolf’, but what the hell -- they’ll figure it out eventually. It just got to the point where too many hoity-toity bloggers were telling me how to live my life, and my wife's and cats’ lives, too, and if I believed in God, I’d say ‘by God’, that’s just un-American. Them people don't scare me.”

“If you'll pardon me now, I have an appointment for high tea with my 3rd district councilman. We’ll be discussing investments in offshore rental properties -- the ones in those other neighborhoods."

(submitted press release)