ASK THE BORED: Irv's latest proposal for trucking safety, noise non-exemptions, and a probable date for the two-way streets vote.

According to the Green Mouse, this morning at the Board of Public Works and Safety, Irv "Terminator" Stumler plans to unveil a compromise proposal from the Justice League of New Albany, a vigilante organization founded by New Albany's trucking company superduperheroes for the purpose of preserving their mechanized environment from the vile depredations (look it up, Shane) of stupid people too poor to own cars.

Stumler will explain to the bored that since street safety for trucks is the ultimate concern of the Justice League, and while heavy trucks never, ever operate above the speed limit when traversing the city, it still might happen on rare occasions when the radar cops are out having doughnuts, and so it's vitally important for precautions to be put into place in case of brake failure.

Specifically, one of these.

Stumler and the League already have the perfect site in mind.

BOW is expected to take Stumler's proposal under advisement. Meanwhile, something odd occurred at last week's meeting (October 4).

But didn't the ordinance include just such a provision? Councilmen who may be reading: Huh? What gives?

Finally, the Green Mouse has been told that BOW's vote on two-way streets will come at its first meeting AFTER the election, on Tuesday, November 15 -- that is, if the Justice League doesn't blockade Hauss Square with a fleet of Padgett's erections.

Irv unveils new supertruckinglobby group -- and then it's time for show and tell.

Ever notice that he never tries to keep Tiger green?

In a dramatic appearance at the McDonald's on State Street, Irv Stumler has announced the formation of the Justice League of New Albany. He even hired 89-year-old Doc Severinson to perform JLNA's theme music.

Stumler spoke to a packed table that included every corporate signatory to the 2015 "we've got a great big convoy" lawsuit against the city ...

Narcissus still gazes adoringly at his erection.

 ... as well as two poor schmucks who had the misfortune to wander in to Ronnie Mac's for coffee, only to be waterboarded into signing Stumler's petition to restore Calvin Coolidge to the throne.

"Today, the Justice League of New Albany is here today to outlaw Jeff Gahan forever," Stumler thundered. "The bombing begins in 10 minutes!"

Amid chuckles, Stumler proceeded to rebut HWC Engineering's two-way street proposal in exacting detail, using cool flash cards he bought at Office Depot.

Here's a transcript.

"The Trucking -- wait, I mean "Justice" League has the perfect answer for toll dodgers!"

"And speeders!"

"Not to mention all that good two-shoes walkability!"

"When we hear the words 'quality of life,' we reach for our keys."

"Those small business operators who want to get ahead, well, have they thought about joining our dynamic and growing segment?"

"Safety? If there's a conflict between the Justice League and one of those goofy Spandex bicyclists, well, we all know who's gonna win that one."

"Gentlemen, start your engines!"