Padgett Inc. owner R. James Padgett thinks he has a very strong case against street reform in downtown New Albany, so he’s taking his brief to US Representative Todd Young.
“Obviously, we’re being singled out for discriminatory treatment by Jeff Gahan, Jeff Speck, and probably a few other Jeffs who haven’t occurred to me yet,” said Padgett as he prepared to jump seat an 18-wheeler to meet Rep. Young at a truck stop near Seymour. “It’s like we’re an endangered species.”
Padgett says it’s time for a change.
“As a Republican, I’m completely opposed to federal intervention in local matters, but I’ve given a lot of money to Todd, so now’s the perfect time for me to demand federal intervention in local matters.”
He believes there’s an ideal mechanism to keep New Albany firmly mired in the transport mentality of the one-way 1960s.
“Naturally I’ll make a substantial campaign donation first, but what Todd’s going to do is transform downtown New Albany into a National Wildlife Refuge, so we can restore the natural habitat.”
“You know, Save the Cranes, right? Those beautiful wild creatures need to roam free in their natural habitat of destitution and despair -- we can make it happen again, right? I mean, it’s really good for tourism and shit."
"Just think of the photography licensing fees.”
ON THE AVENUES SPECIAL EDITION: Full Frontal Goebbels erupts as Padgett looks at New Albany as a hole.
(thanks, CA and AG)
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