"Reporting," elections, Twitter, equal time, slippery slopes and whatever else.

There's no time this morning to recount the Twitter exchanges yesterday, other than to say that (depending on one's perspective) community activists, newspapermen, contrarian assholes, yellow journalists and perhaps even a stray civilian became embroiled in a discussion about the Tribune's editorial policy as it pertains to guest columnists, elections and the concept of equal time for candidates without a weekly perch to dispense their thoughts.

Down at the Agora, they're asking: What are facts, as opposed to partisanship?

In short, as sitting state representative and candidate for re-election, does Ed Clere continue to receive weekly Tribune column space under the logic that his essays constitute "reporting" from the legislature? Can such "reporting" truly be non-partisan?

If newspaper management judges that his content is sufficiently non-partisan to merit retaining on a weekly basis, where does this leave his likely opponent, Shane Gibson?

Is it enough to offer Gibson equal space and time?

Is it really likely that either candidate will be using his column to "report" as opposed to politicking?

And, a precedent thus established, what of other columnists and their status as potential candidates?

If I decided to run for 3rd district council, Or Matt Nash, would we be allowed to keep our weekly columns?

If so, would Steve Price (and other candidates) be offered a equal space? What if Price were to make the argument that he's not an effective writer, and ask that his equal space be taken by Professor Erika? Wouldn't the newspaper be forced to grant his request?

Is fairness alone worth the vicious beating that logic and syntax would take in such a scenario?

I thought it was a constructive exchange yesterday. Others might disagree. I'm inclined to accept the Tribune's reasoning even though I regard the precedent as a slippery slope, and am tempted to test it. If only there was time. Also, know that none of this is directed at Ed Clere. This is about the Tribune and its editorial policy.

Without going into greater detail, something I hope to have the chance to do here or in next week's column, all of it left me with this thought for candidate Gibson's contemplation:

Dear Shane

Irrespective of the Tribune's reasoning in this instance, it's a tough spot for you to be. Yes, the newspaper has offered you equal time and space. But not only does your opponent have the advantage of incumbency in the context of a weekly (ahem) "reporting" slot -- he's also a former journalist and a fine writer. And yet, you need to take this opportunity. Claim your space. If no one else in the local Democratic apparatus has the inclination to be pro-active, it's your chance to display something approximating a pulse. Heaven knows your party needs it.

And while you're at it, find someone vigorous and yourthful to freshen your Facebook candidate page. You might be surprised. Someone in your party needs to come to grips with the necessity of engaging non-traditional, youthful voters. Erika's generation is dying out. That's why these so-called "Democrats" are so bitter and resentful. You're still young enough to avoid that trap. Has there ever been a more hidebound and moribund party that still manages somehow to win elections? It can't last forever. It's already gone in the county.

Unsolicited advice. Do what you will with it. Whatever you do, take them up on it and write.

R

Pride be damned: Arm the Aw-Dit, and full steam ahead.

Unintentional satire, Volume 46: R.O.C.K. warns against "indecent" Stupor Bowl ads.

I totally agree. Those vile, repulsive Budweiser ads must go!

Meanwhile, those of us not hidebound by hormonally mutant Wickensianism will be rushing to GoDaddy in search of the smut, and when we find some, it will be posted right here at NAC.

Are you ready for some football? What you might not be ready for this Sunday are the family unfriendly commercials that will have parents scrambling to get the remote control. In particular, we have learned that GoDaddy.com commercials cross the line when it comes to the matter of decency.

ROCK President Bryan Wickens stated: "It is a shame that in an event that recognizes the talent, hard work and effort of the players to get to the Super Bowl, there is a company like GoDaddy.com that not only exploits women to sell its product but also does not care that children are in the viewing audience. As parents, we must always be on guard to protect our children from this kind of indecency."

Today's Tribune column: "Starving for education."

I felt your pain, and I came up with a solution. All I needed was a pitchman.

BAYLOR: Starving for education

Are you fed up with words you don’t understand? Tired of picking up the newspaper to read your favorite contrarian columnist, then coming to a screeching halt when he uses “troglodyte” and “disgruntlement” in the same sentence?

Hi, Roger Baylor here with an amazing new product — you’ve got to see it to believe it - called the Dictionary, and it’s a do-it-yourself confusion remover with professional results — guaranteed!

Photo credit of the immortal Billy Mays: http://scrapetv.com/

Pride: Kiss your Coffey good morning, and your Aw-Dit goodbye.

Daniel Suddeath revealed the punch line on Twitter two days ago, and I've been doing the grand guffaw ever since. The Messer for Mayor camp will now inply that Jack's endorsement of an Aw-Dit was purely tactical, designed to flush the agitated Copperhead onto the tarmac from his hiding place in untrimmed shrubbery, after which he would be flattened into snake cakes by Li'l Stevie's diesel tricycle.

Let's just say I'm not buying. Play it sweet and low, Charlie.

New Albany City Council could have to repay for audit

... At the end of Monday’s City Council meeting, Councilman Jack Messer announced that he agrees with the New Albany police and fire unions that a private audit of city finances is needed ... Messer said he fought Councilman Dan Coffey when he first suggested another audit beyond the state’s analysis, but has changed his mind ...

... But Charles Pride, supervisor of cities, towns and libraries for the state board of accounts, said in a phone interview another audit would be a duplicate service. “We very well could ask the responsible official to pay that money back,” Pride said. “We would consider any kind of an audit which we do to be a duplication of service. The taxpayers would be paying for that service twice.”

Or you might visit the Creation Museum instead. It's creative in its own way.

Thanks to K for this, even though I forgot to post it until now.

Creative Cities Summit in Lexington April 7-9

The Creative Cities Summit will convene in Lexington, Kentucky April 7-9, 2010, it was announced January 9 at a joint press conference by Kentucky Governor Steve Beshear and Lexington Mayor Jim Newberry.

Previously held in St. Petersburg, Florida in 2004 and Detroit, Michigan in 2008, the 3-day Summit, an interdisciplinary conference on the 21st century issues challenging evolving communities, draws speakers and attendees from all over the world to discuss savvy economic development; how to develop environments supportive of innovation; transportation; sustainability; adaptive reuse and the built environment; the role and value of public art in a community's quality of life; and the nurturing of local cultural assets.

Indiana House hypocrisy: No smoking = Workplace safety. Unless you work in a bar, club, casino ...

... then, your health really isn't that important, after all.

It's all about protecting workers, unless you have the misfortune of working in an exemption? If the empirical data is correct, then it's "all or nothing" -- or nothing at all.

House passes smoking ban that exempts bars, casinos, by Lesley Stedman Weidenbener (Courier-Journal)

INDIANAPOLIS — Smoking would be banned statewide in most restaurants and other workplaces under a bill the Indiana House passed 73-26 late Tuesday.
But House Bill 1131 exempts bars, private clubs, casinos and tobacco businesses. It also allows smoking in the private areas of small businesses in which all employees are family members ...

... As introduced by House Health Chairman Charlie Brown, D-Gary, the bill would have banned smoking in all public places — including bars, restaurants and retailers. Only casinos and horse tracks would have been exempted.

But last week and again on Monday, House members whittled away at the ban, carving new exemptions until it was a bill that Brown barely supported. Still, he asked House members to support it Tuesday, pledging that he'd be back to seek something more comprehensive. “If any one of you were to do a survey of your constituents, overwhelmingly they would support no smoking in the workplace, no smoking in public places.”

Say it ain't so, Todor Dimitrov.

New Albany's "Most Likely to Have Been Created by Soviet Bloc Architects from Bulgaria" public building has suffered a wardrobe malfunction, as described by the Tribune's Chris Morris:

Concrete facade at Riverview collapses; No injuries or cost estimates from event

A large concrete facade at Riverview Towers collapsed Monday night, and it’s still not known why the 3,000-pound section fell to the ground.

Heck, that's just another day in the neighborhood -- if your home's in Ploesti or Durres. As part of the investigation, can we learn exactly which local agency foisted this monstrosity on the city in the first place, and the name of the people who designed it?

Show trials are necessary, but we must schedule carefully, as Councilman Cappuccino already has reserved the third floor meeting room for the approaching Pumpkin Patch Aw-Dit.

Can't we just paint the damned thing?

Tonight: Floyd County Preservation Group at the Ritter House.

Submitted. Don't forget today's First Tuesday networking gala at Steinert's, and the Style Show at Studio's/Parthenon afterward. I'll be in Louisville tonight, addressing the Irish Society on themes in Irish beer and brewing. If there's time, I'll stop by BoomBozz Taphouse for another taste of the rapidly disappearing C1 Collaboration Ale.

---

Floyd County Preservation Group Announces Second Meeting

A second meeting of an ad hoc group wishing to form a new countywide preservation organization in Floyd County will take place on Tuesday, February 2, 2010, at 7:00 pm at the Cardinal Ritter House, 1218 E. Oak Street, in New Albany. The purpose of the meeting will be to discuss a formal name for the new non-profit organization and to review draft vision and mission statements for the organization. Volunteers will also be solicited from each of Floyd County’s five townships to survey the current state of historic properties in each township in order to formulate a list of threatened historic resources for the purpose of developing a work plan for the group. Other educational and advocacy opportunities will also be discussed.

The meeting is open to all who have an interest in historic preservation in Floyd County. For more information, contact the Southern Regional Office of Historic Landmarks Foundation of Indiana at 812/284-4534.

Council Part Two: Price votes for an abatement, and is excommunicated by Grover Norquist.

Late note: Here's the Tribune coverage.

Once again, current council president Gonder has gone to a by-the-numbers interpretation of the council's rules of engagement, which means a different cadence than previously. The thought gives King Larry heartburn, and for that reason alone is justified.

(2) From official commission:

(a) Board of Public Works;

(b) Plan Commission; and

(c) Park Commission.

(3) From members of the public, including petitions and remonstrances.

1. Marlon Andres speaks about a tax abatement forthcoming. Coffey endorses whatever it is that Andres does, saying that they're job with good pay, which implies that Coffey would not be qualified to work there. Andres is the only agenda item speaker tonight.

(F) Introduction of ordinances in the following order:

(1) Appropriation ordinances;

(2) General ordinances;

(3) Zoning map ordinances; and

(4) Annexation ordinances.

(G) Ordinances on second reading, in the same order as in division (F) of this section;

(H) Reports of standing committees and third reading of ordinances to which the reports refer in the following order:

(1) Budget and Finance; (Gahan, Benedetti, Price)

(2) Rules; (Caesar, Gahan, Gonder)

Finally, we come to something.

G-10-02 Ordinance Establishing a Full-Time Common Council Attorney (Caesar)

Benedetti asks for all readings tonight.

Coffey says no, three won’t get past him because the information has been withheld for too long. Price agrees. He gets phone calls. “There’s no way, I’m in the mood to expanding government,” and ... now the great vowel movement begins -- times bad, no money, rein it in, throw in the towel, hunker down, give up ...

Caesar: “Real seriously,” a full-time attorney for this council is “just exactly what we need to prevent these things from happening.” A full-time man can stay on top of situations. “A great deal for the city.”

Zurschmiede: Money appropriated for a council attorney?

Caesar: Spent $21,000 last year. This would be for around $40,000 for a full-timer.

At some point in all this, it is asked if the position must be advertised. It does not. Throughout, they refer to a prospective hire as "he," and never "she." $40,000 isn't much, so what all this means is that they already know who they wish to hire and under what terms, and this isn't necessarily a bad thing, except that the secrecy totally contradicts Coffey's blathering about transparency at City Hall. Why not just tell us who'll take the job for that price?

Price doe stream of consciousness: “It all comes down to politics … it’s the same old SOS … you got to quit this spending … gotta rein it in … need Bobby Knight to come down here … people laugh at me ... he does a lot for free.”

Messer: “Council way behind the times … we need someone who can write the ordinance properly, and that’s the law.” Full time attorney does things right, removing challenges and taking it from the hands of the council members, who are in the position of doubting their own abilities to justify the hiring.

For some, that isn't hard.

Caesar: Lists a few past challenges, but is cut off halfway through.

Coffey: Logistics are a problem. There are ordinances we need now.

Gonder: But an attorney is not going to be the origin of ordinances. He would respond to the council’s needs and filter them according to the law. “We’ve had some that don’t square.” These issues are important, and expert legal representation can resolve it. Cost on an hourly basis between full and part time attorneys isn’t as much as it appears.

Price the talking parrot: “Politics! (squawk) Politics! (squawk)”

Coffey now seems willing to consider it, because he could (might) be able to bully the choice of attorney. It’s an intriguing idea. Copperhead shake, and all that.

It is decided that there’ll be no suspension, and there'll not be three readings.

1st reading:
Y – DC, BC, JGo, DB, JM, KZ
N – SP, PM,

2nd reading:
Same as above. Coffey wants to see the contract prior to the third reading. Gibson agrees this is possible. Price is deep in thought. You can tell because Coffey's lips are moving.

(3) Public Utilities and Transportation; (Gonder, Zurschmiede, Messer)

(4) Police Department; (Caesar, Price, Zurschmiede)

(5) Fire Department; (Coffey, Benedetti, Price)

(6) Public Safety and Traffic; (McLaughlin, Messer, Price)

Paydirt. The next two are about the city keeping the fine money from traffic tickets.

G-10-03 An Ordinance Amending Section 70.99 of the New Albany City Code (McLaughlin)

On the amended topic of moving violations.

3rd reading:
Y: DC, BC, SP, PM, DB, JM, KZ, JGo
Passes third reading.

G-10-04 An Ordinance Amending City Ordinance 71.21 (McLaughlin)

Traffic signals.

3rd reading:
Y: Unanimous
Passes third reading.

(7) Public Works; (Caesar, Coffey, Messer)

(8) Public Health and Welfare; (McLaughlin, Gahan, Gonder)

(9) Schools and Library; (Gahan, Coffey, Benedetti)

(10) Development and Annexation. (Messer, McLaughlin, Gonder)

(I) Special committees;

(J) Miscellaneous business;

Now comes the Andres resolution, identifed earlier as a tax abatement, which Price generally refers to as the giveaway of taxpayer dollars. But this one is approved by Coffey, who stands in awe of companies that would not hire him, so ...

R-10-04 A Resolution Concerning Statement of Benefits for Globe Mechanical, INC., By the Common Council of New Albany (Benedetti)

Unanimous, and Price votes to raise our taxes.

R-10-05 A Resolution Concerning Statement of Benefits for L & D Mail Masters, INC., By the Common Council of New Albany (Benedetti)

No one here from Mail Masters. Moved to next meeting. Tabled.

Now there is non-agenda discussion time.

Malysz returns to affirm the sanctity of February 8 as the 5:00 meeting date for City Hall and Council to confer over police and fire funding. He has spoken to the mayor. England comments on the disagreement over communications: Price did the right thing by going to Gibson. Do as Steve did, and go to Gibson, Garry, City Hall and not department heads.

Gonder to Benedetti: Does that address your concerns?

Benedetti: “Not really, but whatever.”

Charlie Main says wait -- that's my line.

Gonder comes close to adjourning, but Coffey's tail is wagging so furiously that it must wait.

The Wizard is sure there's something else to say ... and Jack Messer says it. Looks like the campaign is in full swing.

Messer: Has changed his mind about the veracity of the audit, so he joins Coffey in asking for an audit for the general fund. Since the “new news” came to light, sewers, too, should be audited.

Price (puzzled): “I don’t know what to ask for” when I go to the sewer board. “You need someone who knows.” Indicates that he's for an audit even if it costs money.

Two hits to the saintly taxpayer in one night from Price.

Coffey: “Jack, here’s the thing, if we pay for it, do we get to choose who does it?”

Gonder: “An issue for the attorney” to rule. Maybe an audit should wait until the attorney is hired.

Now Coffey says he would support three readings on the attorney issue from earlier in the vening, if it means hiring an attorney faster to commence an audit that tells Coffey what he wants to hear.

Now there emerges a consensus that the attorney is vital to pursue the audit … Coffey thinks the state audit people cover their own “butts” and that the council has to find its own person from Coffey's alma mater, Bazooka Joe U.

Caesar: The audit he’s considering is a different kind of audit.

Follies Auditere.

Coffey: “There is no place here for council members to talk.” Wants language inserted ito the agenda to give him more grandstanding time. Other eager to leave, so it is adjourned.

Council Part One: “I don’t want to be spoon fed information,” says Coffey, who promptly chokes on it.

Tonight, someone in the IT section at the City-County Building gave the wheel of Internet access a mighty spin and … no Internet connection.

Live council blogging was cancelled, and the denizens of the peanut gallery began to compare on-line agendas and the printed copies, with the latter having nice formatting.

Speaking of which, I’ll try to devise some system of formatting that makes these off-the-cuff notes clearer. The new agenda is great and somewhat legal, but it will take some time to absorb.

THE COMMON COUNCIL OF THE CIVIL CITY OF NEW ALBANY, INDIANA, HELD A REGULAR COUNCIL MEETING IN THE THIRD FLOOR ASSEMBLY ROOM OF THE CITY/COUNTY BUILDING ON MONDAY, FEBRUARY, 1, 2010 AT 7:30 P.M.

The following order of business shall be observed by the Common Council at its meetings:

(A) Invocation. To be given by ministers, if present of different faiths

Wow. Apparently no ministers were here, not even Donnie Blevins, so for the first time in recent memory, there was not prayer. Never thought I’d see that. Genuine enlightenment from a council president. Is that legal in New Albany?

(B) Pledge of allegiance;

Check.

(C) Roll call of members;

Jeff Gahan is absent. Presumably he heard that the sewer utility's cash cow went over the cattle gate, so he went out looking.

(D) Reading, correcting and approval of the journal of the preceding regular or special meeting;

Not ready, so these approvals will be delayed. As a signal to a handful of people present who went to the trouble of lugging barrels of tar and bags of feathers up the stairs, President Gonder notes that because the sewer issue hasn’t been sorted out, there’ll be no discussion of it tonight. We roll out eyes. Does he really think we'll get through a meeting without Tweedledee and Tweedledum not speaking out about the sewer situation?

(E) Communications, in the following order:

(1) From city officials:

(a) Mayor;

Carl Malysz addresses on behalf of Mayor England, who is working on economic development projects.

Tax abatement requests are coming tonight. Also, the mayor is pleased about the February 6 meeting to discuss police and fire issues relevant to funding these departments. The administration wishes that council members seeking specific information should direct it to City Hall. It makes sense that department heads not have to answer multiple information requests from various council persons. Lastly, while he cannot release details, Malysz reveals that an unnamed famous food entrepreneur has agreed not to build a processing plant, but somewhat oddly, to provide 60,000 frozen meals to be distributed to the needy, right here in NA.

How this qualifies as good publicity is hard to determine. We must be damned impoverished to be proud of this point.

Coffey Time: He finds it “perplexing” that City Hall wants to clamp down on information sought by city council members from police and fire heads, and “disconcerting” (whoa - four syllable word!) that council members can’t seek this information on their own. Guess Coffey was the one rooting for what he can't have?

Malysz: Why have a meeting on February 6 if we go rooting for it before then?

Coffey: “I don’t want to be spoon fed information.” The council has the right to ask whatever questions it wishes of anyone it wishes whenever it wishes.

Coffey: “Just for the record I’m not the one who called.” Funny that he assumes that we’d all conclude that he’s the one.

Malysz: “The question seems to be one of ego.”

Indeed, it is unclear why this is happening.

Benedetti: “This council feels like the city controller should be at every one of our meetings” so questions can be asked. Can this be done by statute? “She’s got to be here … if you call her office and she’s not in, there’s no backup.”

Nice power struggle to begin the evening.

McLaughlin: Cannot be here for the meeting on Saturday the 6th.

There seems to be other council persons with the problem of attending, and a discussion follows about who can and cannot attend.

Coffey: “The budget can wait,” with other unnamed issues (sewers, anyone?) in more need of attention.

Many voices: Who scheduled the meeting? Can it be changed? Is there another option?

Now it is agreed that nothing can happen on Super Bowl Sunday because Steve Price will be pickin' and grinnin' at a party.

Gibson: We’ll work to reschedule a date with a majority who can come.

Price: “One has to wonder with this current crisis reported in the Tribune … sewers … sounds like a crisis.” Should we do sewers now and wait to do police and fire until later?

Malysz: Suggested sewer rates increases to preclude the current situation were always slashed by the council in the past, so if it’s a crisis, it's been “a long time in coming.” Notes that Gonder has asked for a recommendation by the Sewer Board. Not sure when that will happen and how it fits into the time frame.

Benedetti: The sewer board needs to vote on action first, before the council does.

Scapegoats are hard to find.

Gibson: Yes, the board will eventually vote, but the sewer report in question was just that, a report.

Gonder tries to return the discussion to the police and fire gab session. There is a vote. Some can come on a different date, and others cannot. Someone mentions the prospect of a Sunday meeting in spite of the Stupor Bowl.

Coffey: “I know we're no longer doing prayer, but Sunday’s just not the day for that (a meeting) … I believe in the old Sunday blue laws.”

That figures.

Malysz: “We’ll make it (a changed date) work.”

Price: “So Saturday’s out?”

It’s going to be 5:00 p.m., but I didn’t catch what day or year. Wait, it’s Monday.

Mark Cassidy suggests that I volunteer the use of the city’s patio at BSB. I said why not Wick’s? His sidewalk got fixed, too, but no one ever maligns those guys.

More exchanges between Malysz about information requests and whether it will be future policy. Oddly, on the topic of receiving information, Price concedes that he’s been “given everything I wanted” by both Kay Garry and Gibson.

Malysz concludes by observing that if Price could get all the information by asking to receive it, perhaps the remaining council members could, too, and this has the effect of igniting Coffey, who gets angry at the world, and quickly.

Coffey: “We got a sewer problem because you hid information.”

What a putz. I told Mark, "watch this," and squeezed off a flash picture in Coffey's general direction. He began mouthing dirty little copperhead cuss words at me, but Bob Caesar leaned back just then and I missed them. It was like Pavlov's Snake.

(b) Controller;

Kay isn’t here. She was off today.

(c) City Attorney; and (d) City Engineer.

As Gibson hands out sheets about something, Coffey is still griping, entirely out of turn. Gibson and Coffey verbally grapple.

Then it got surreal, and some dude in the crowd named Charlie Main went up to Coffey and began vamping that great Mary Magdalene number from Jesus Christ Superstar:

Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and anoint you.
Myrrh for your hot forehead, oh.
Then you'll feel
Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine.
And it's cool, and the ointment's sweet
For the fire in your head and feet.
Close your eyes, close your eyes
And relax, think of nothing tonight.

Charlie Main rubbing Cappuccino's feet. What's next, Bob Mapplethorpe?

What a way to end part one of tonight's council coverage.

No sugar tonight.

Absent an Internet connection, there'll be no live council blogging tonight. Some day I'll understand why some nights it works and others not.

Red-carpet gala gives way to institutional lashings as council prepares to meet.

The fact that tonight's city council agenda includes no mention of Sewer Wars, Volume 324 does not preclude the likelihood that grandstanding of an epic, operatic quality will occur, especially from the Steve Price Memorial Congenital Obstruction Caucus.

If I were the elusive sewer cash cow that is the subject of Cappuccino's nightly erotic dreams, I'd be concealing my teats from scrutiny.

Will King Larry materialize?

Can Erika return from high tea in Italia in time for the show?

Do the “Fact” Masters, numbly repetitive backing band for Brother Price’s Traveling Deprivation Show, still include his chart-topping single, “Paralysis,” on their set list?

When that federal agent in the mighty, wrathful sewer submarine arrives, how many of us can hitch a ride to Gloryland, where the streets don't need paving because the sewer ditches run through 'em?

I have goose bumps ... but a few Hoptimi should take care of that.

They'll be too busy popping Bud Light tops to listen, anyway.

My guess is that the Tribune's reporter-turned-columnist Daniel Suddeath doesn't share my views on abortion, which are stridently pro-choice, but I agree with his assessment of the Tebow non-controversy in today's newspaper: SUDDEATH: Cover your kid’s ears, it’s Tim Tebow.

Not unexpectedly, today's New York Times says it better than I can:

The would-be censors are on the wrong track. Instead of trying to silence an opponent, advocates for allowing women to make their own decisions about whether to have a child should be using the Super Bowl spotlight to convey what their movement is all about: protecting the right of women like Pam Tebow to make their private reproductive choices.

What's not to love and cherish about satire, irreverence and outright blasphemy?

I've been cleaning "favorites" and discarding old, unused and broken links. It's been a while since I'd visited the humorous realms of LBC and Jeeebus:

Landover Baptist Church

Jeeebus a.k.a Big Butter Jesus

In the same vein, here's bonus "rewind" reading for a snowy day:

Monday's essential Mencken: "Homo Neanderthalensis" (1925) ... or, fundamentals of the Open Air Museum.

Coffey suckles at cash cow's teat as crowd adjourns for a soda and some popcorn.

In fairness, the 1st district's Dan "Copperhead Lift Station" Coffey vowed to return to his outspoken (badly spoken) ways once he relinquished the council presidency and returned to his familiar rock outcropping, so pity the current chair, John Gonder, for attempting a response approximating reason at a time of acrimony and panic. The Tribune's Daniel Suddeath spies the theatrical production from the mezzanine and reports here: No rate increase on Monday’s New Albany City Council docket.

Since the sewer board manages the utility’s operations, Gonder said it’s practical to let its members form a plan before the council weighs the matter. The council has to OK a rate increase before it takes effect. “It may be premature to meet to talk about it until they’ve decided what their stance is going to be,” Gonder said.

But Councilman Dan Coffey isn’t interested in waiting. He said he doesn’t trust the sewer board and wants a private review of the utility. “The sewer is nothing more than a cash cow and we need a full blown audit to see where this money has went,” he said.

Dreck from the Prof.

This quote should be elevated to the marquee of Freedom to Screech, where it would be a shining beacon of hope to the faux professor's followers.

For all you morons that voted for his (Obama's) Hope & Change we really hope you are suffering just as the majority of America is!

Until we all suffer as much as the disaffected troglodytes, they won't be happy. How utterly predictable. And: How entirely useless.

Financial analysis agency sez: "New Albany City Council should raise sewer rates 70 percent."

Today's breaking story, as revealed by the reporter on Twitter:

Report: New Albany City Council should raise sewer rates 70 percent, by Daniel Suddeath (News and Tribune).

The New Albany City Council must raise sewer rates by 70 percent immediately or risk breaching bond term agreements, a representative with the financial analysis agency Crowe Horwath said Thursday. Hired last year by the Sewer Board to study the utility’s financial standing, John Skomp of Crowe Horwath reported to the body several benchmarks have failed to be accomplished concerning the approximately $55 million in outstanding sewer bonds.

Today's Tribune column: "The Faux in all of us," plus a bonus prayer by the Bookseller.

It's always a lovely day when the two most prominent local targets for derision by the thesaurus-less mob both get mug shots in the newspaper. Expect a crescendo of subscription cancellation threats and a self-immolation for good measure -- ignited with a banned novelty lighter, of course.

But first, as a prelude, Thomas Friedman wrote about jobs in the Sunday edition of the New York Times, making this astute observation along the way (emphasis added):

Obama should make the centerpiece of his presidency mobilizing a million new start-up companies that won’t just give us temporary highway jobs, but lasting good jobs that keep America on the cutting edge. The best way to counter the Tea Party movement, which is all about stopping things, is with an Innovation Movement, which is all about starting things. Without inventing more new products and services that make people more productive, healthier or entertained — that we can sell around the world — we’ll never be able to afford the health care our people need, let alone pay off our debts.

Ironically, my column in today's Tribune also addresses people who wish to stop things.

BAYLOR: The Faux in all of us

“The city of New Albany can no longer afford to move ahead to the following day. We see no future in the future, and as long as clocks continue to move forward into time and space, rather than backward into our rose-tinted pasts, local rate payers won’t be able to feed their families with another sack of unnecessary Chinese plastic trinkets sold at Wal-Mart.”

Even better, there's bonus commentary by Randy Smith ("Rnady" if you're reading the on-line edition):

SMITH: Pray away

Now some may question why people who just want to petition their government or get first-hand knowledge of legislation must first be the audience for a religious conversation between a believer of a particular faith and his or her particular god or goddess.

Selfishness as inverted erotic Ayn Rand weird-out.

The best anti-poverty program around is a world class education.
--Barack Obama, in his 2010 State of the Union address.

According to Rep. Ed Clere’s recently published poll results, New Albanians care little for the notion of education as corrective for their squalor.

CLERE: I asked and you answered

In the future, if the state’s frugal spending and money management creates a reserve that reaches a certain threshold level, should any money above that level be returned to taxpayers through income tax credits or should the reserve be used for education spending?

Sixty-seven percent of respondents favor tax credits, and 33 percent want excess revenue to go to education.

What should the General Assembly’s top priority be?

The response to this question reflects concern over the economy. There were five response options. Job creation, retention and training programs is the top concern for 51 percent of respondents, followed by 27 percent who favor expanded tax relief as their top priority. Sixteen percent rank K-12 education first. Higher education and welfare programs for family and child services each receive 3 percent support as a top priority.

Lesson #765, subsection A1, which tells us too much about life in the Open Air Museum, and leaves us seeking strong drink:

"Give us more fish. Don't you dare teach us how to fish."