"Anonymous” …
(a.k.a. legalbeagle, smalltownusa, concern taxpayer, hometown girl, trucker buddy, proud democrat, redwhiteblue … etc., etc., ad nauseam; age, address, sex, political affiliation and very existence on planet earth completely unknown, and damned well intent on keeping it that way, because what would free speech be without invisibility?)
… has emerged as the foremost hooded Internet spokesperson for New Albany’s unreconstructed, flat-earth Luddites, known hereabouts as Brambleberries owing to the distinctive grazing preferences of Mustela putorius, the common polecat, which accepts a home range of a quarter mile, and is determined not to wander past these self-imposed boundaries.
"Anonymous" is the talk of the town.
Declining persistent NAC requests for a face-to-face interview, which “anonymous” finds even more threatening than progress itself, he or she consented to a far-reaching question and answer session.
To preserve the anonymity of “anonymous,” this groundbreaking interview was conducted utilizing rotary dial telephones, Morse code, smoke signals and carrier pigeons.
NA Confidential:
Thanks for not sitting down with us. You have expressed anonymous opposition to the Scribner Place development downtown, but a wide array of local business and civic leaders feel that Scribner Place is a good idea. Can you explain your position?
ANON:
Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH …
NAC:
In Richard Florida’s book, “Rise of the Creative Class,” the author theorizes that future economic development in cities like New Albany might derive from the presence of certain types of workers, who make employment choices according to non-traditional models that incorporate factors such as a community’s quality of life, its tolerance for multiculturalism, and proximity to recreational opportunities. Do you think New Albany has what it takes to prosper in this evolving economic system?
ANON:
Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH …
NAC:
The French writer and political theorist Voltaire is said to have commented, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Based on your comments at Speak Out Loud NA, would you say that you agree or disagree with Voltaire’s sentiments?
ANON:
Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH …
NAC:
Good nutrition and regular exercise are important aspects of one’s personal health and wellness goals. Does your family eat salad more than twice a week, or less than twice a week?
ANON:
Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH …
NAC:
Okay, here’s an easier one: IU, U of L, or UK?
ANON:
Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH …
NAC:
Thanks again for the, uh, chat … it really eased our minds.
ANNA and YVONNE:
What 3rd District Councilpuppet Steve Price really is trying to say is:
"Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH."
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5 comments:
Have you heard anything about a rally Tuesday night in front of Tommy Lancaster's in support of Valla Ann and her legal defense fund?
As I drove past there, I noticed a huge crowd of anonymous folks. I couldn't actually see them, but they seemed agitated since they couldn't see each other, either.
What's happening on the blogs, by the way? Seen any facts emerge from the blossoming of free speech?
Blossoming of free speech? At Speal Loudly NA? It's more like the cantina scene in the original Star Wars, without the silly costumes.
However, you can sleep well in the knowledge that it's taken less than a week for them to start devouring themselves.
For one thing, anonymous entries start popping up like mad in the middle of the night -- like every outraged taxpayer just got home from a visit to Adult DVD, pounded back a few shots of ET, and jumped on the computer to complain about his or her property taxes.
Now they're arguing over which handle is which, and who gets to use it. Laura's nowhere to be found, but in truth, she's yet to show any judiciousness in moderating the mess. She just deletes comments she doesn't like, all the while babbling about the right to have an opinion.
Apparently irony isn't taught at the sociology institute.
What she really needs is a Trinkle Dome-sized pooper scooper for the half-dozen troglodytes who are doing all the posting. It'd be interesting to see her site meter, if she had one, but I suppose she would explain that free speech also includes the "right" to speak for all your friends, real or inaginary -- whether they know it or not.
It reminds me of Gen. Magruder parading the same troops back and forth across the clearing to make McClellan think he was battle ready.
Magruder won the battle ... but he lost the war.
Just got a chance to look in on Speak Out, Lout and must say it has been active this weekend. Lots of heat, practically no light, but this particular post, by my good friend anonymous struck me as poignant and telling.
"It nice to be able to have a thought process and not be criticized for it"
It sound like a bowel movement, don't it?
My acquaintance, anonymous, once told me he would be perfectly happy for New Albany to be a third-rate city. He and that raving lunatic, anonymous, would doubtless agree.
The sad part is that I knew anonymous, I worked with anonymous, and you, sir, are no anonymous.
I heard that Dances With Truth and his good friend, anonymous, have nearly come to blows over this weekend's burst of hot air.
I did have a chance to talk to anonymous's daughter this weekend, and she said that anonymous is simply bored and wouldn't know the truth if it hit her upside the head.
Anonymous's mother is very proud of the way her offspring have jumped into the fray with such courage and accountability. But anonymous's father has threatened to disown his child if he continues to support the defamation of a woman as fine as Kay Garry.
I do think some of these folks have been in the echo chamber so long, have been able to idly cast slurs on people without backing it up with facts for so long, that they are angered when someone demands either attribution or facts. It's so much easier to bitch at the world than to try to change it.
I tell you, New Albanian, I'm proud to know you and thank you for your contributions to the community. It's nice to be part of a reality-based community as opposed to one based on fantasy and bitterness.
Luke, these are good points.
Once we've moved beyond the budget situation and gotten Scribner Place rolling, it seems to me that sustainable goals for the year would include strengthened ordinance enforcement and an expanded farmers' market (already under way, thanks to hard-working volunteers).
I intend to contact Paul Wheatley soon and ask if he might wish to share with us some of his work to date on economic development -- if not the details, then at least the themes that he's pursuing.
in this age of political correctness no one appreciates well placed sarcasm anymore. Thus enters the age of blogging
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