Thursday, June 21, 2018

BEER WITH A SOCIALIST: How a bicycle ride and Lenin's Tribune connects Bank Street Brewhouse with Our Lady of Perpetual Hops.

OLPH. Photo credit.

Our Lady of Perpetual Hops, the new brewery planned for Floyds Knobs, has passed its initial regulatory hurdles. The article explaining this comes far below, but first you must abide my telling you why the preceding depiction of OLPH took me back a decade or so. 

The early 2000s were my peak in terms of bicycling. One of my regular loops included Utica Pike in Jeffersonville (opposite JeffBoat), where this architectural feature captured my attention. As far as I know, it remains there.


By the time 2008 rolled around, planning for Bank Street Brewhouse was under way. We were interrupted by the recession, but pressed on and decided on the former location of the "day-old bread store" in downtown New Albany.

I'm not sure exactly when I was shown this drawing by Lazar Markovich Lissitzky (El Lissitzky), or who brought it to me (Mose Putney, perhaps?), but my curiosity was aroused. Lissitsky's "Lenin Tribune," a Constructivist moving speaker's podium, immediately hijacked certain brain pathways and became connected with the Utica Pike architecture.


At the time, we were determined to buck the downtown trend, whereby most of the entrepreneurs wanted to be ensconced in "historic" buildings. Not us; we'd take the modern one. In my mind's eye, I could see a grafting of Utica Pike with Bank Street, with the vertical part looking more like Lissitzky's podium.


I'm hoping you can see how the OLPH sketch prompted these recollections. Just imagine the podium facing in the direction of New Albany's City County Building, not unlike a minaret. I'd have been the muezzin of sorts, and it would have been the finest bully pulpit ever.

Nothing came of all this, as our time was far better spent trying to keep the new company solvent. But it was a wonderful fantasy while it lasted, and when I wrote about Lissitzky at the Potable Curmudgeon blog in late 2008, it elicited one of my favorite comments ever.

Good beer and Russian avant garde art? This blog is better than any porn site I've ever found.

Speaking of art, a link:

Reds, whites and truths: A century after the Russian revolution, a showcase of its art (The Economist)

At the Royal Academy, a sinister history lurks beyond the frame

 ... “Revolution: 1917-1932” covers the same 15 years as Punin’s show. The period has suffered some neglect. The myth goes that in the years after the Bolshevik revolution, bland socialist realism stomped on the avant-garde. In fact, after the revolution but before Stalinism tightened its grip on culture, there was a frenzied gasp of creative brilliance. Artistic, technological and political innovations clashed and co-existed. Kazimir Malevich turned the geometry of suprematism to figurative portraits of peasant farmers. Pavel Filonov would use the kaleidoscope fragments of his “formula” paintings to depict tractor factories. Buildings designed by El Lissitzky riffed on the crooked perspectives of photo-montage, and on the uncompromising functionality of industrial machinery.

Okay, okay. Here's the OLPH article.

Floyds Knobs brewery receives initial county approval, by Danielle Grady (Encyclopedia of Tom May)

FLOYDS KNOBS — Owners of a planned brewery in Floyds Knobs that will meld beer and essential oils received preliminary approval after addressing resident concerns about traffic, noise, flooding and more at Monday night’s Floyd County Plan Commission meeting.

Our Lady of Perpetual Hops, somewhat controversially named after the New Albany church and school, Our Lady of Perpetual Help, is a brewery and restaurant planned for 3815 Paoli Pike.

The restaurant's team, Rob Pappas (who comes from a Catholic background), along with Mark Cox, Kyle Richmer and Greg and Tanner Wortham — all Southern Indiana natives — hope to open the brewery in spring of 2019 on a 10 acre lot that Pappas bought in 2009.

On the Floyds Knobs property, the owners are planning a two-and-a-half story restaurant/brewery building with a stage, a garage door that opens to an outdoor area and the ability to brew 210 gallons of beer at a time ...

ON THE AVENUES: Government Lives Matter, so it's $10,000,000 for Gahan's luxury city hall clique enhancement. Happy dumpster diving, peasants!

ON THE AVENUES: Government Lives Matter, so it's $10,000,000 for Gahan's luxury city hall clique enhancement. Happy dumpster diving, peasants!


A weekly column by Roger A. Baylor.

If someone ignored the "no soliciting" sign on your porch and clambered up to the door, breathlessly offering to sell you a gizmo with the promise that the mere fact of owning it will save you all kinds of money, there are many good questions you might ask.

Of course, you might also command the huckster to vacate your porch, or else. I generally do. But in order to determine whether the peddler's product is a sound investment, one specific question tops the list:

How much does it cost?

Mayor Jeff Gahan is a former veneer salesman with a well-honed, thoroughly greasy sales pitch, and he thinks you're too stupid to ask how much a new city hall is going to cost you -- in tax dollars.

The (Reisz) project will save millions of dollars over time, as the city has paid costs in its current location for over 57 years. It will also help the surrounding businesses see their private investment backed up by pubic investment.

Take a magnifying glass to the undisguised gloating amid yesterday's city hall press release, stating that the multi-million dollar Reisz renovation is a done deal and a fixed formality, and further opposition from the likes of YOU is plainly useless, and you'll find absolutely no mention of the price tag.

Please allow me to fill in this blank.

The Reisz cost commitment already has topped $10,000,000 in a city where perhaps a quarter of the residents live below the poverty line; where Gahan and his new unofficial deputy mayor and slavish devotee David Barksdale are eager to demolish half of the city's public housing units; and where city hall has yet to mention aloud minor details like the opioid epidemic, the accompanying rise in thievery and petty crime, homelessness, and the worsening plight of our city's working poor.

The sloganeering is so oppressive that a Trump rally seems like the knitter's circle coffee klatsch by comparison.

Government lives matter!

(so, let's literally quadruple the size of municipal government)

Buildings not people!

(because elite cliques need historic fetishes, too)

If you have to ask what it costs, you can't afford it!

(it might be the only truthful statement yet uttered by these purported Democrats)

Team Gahan and affiliates can do the math, all right, so long as most of it is concealed.

What eludes them is simple human empathy.

---

Last week the News and Tribune's most inconsistent editor got to work defending the imperatives of government buildings over those of residents.

He begins by inferring an economic ripple effect from a single government-occupied building, without bothering to try to interpret economic conditions and trends downtown.

MORRIS: Reisz rehab would give downtown a boost, by Chris Morris (Where Multiple Tom Mays Roam)

 ... But the area needs another boost. Some businesses have closed recently while others are struggling. Just think what could happen with a vibrant city hall in a refurbished Reisz building, in the heart of our downtown. With life put back into a building that has sat empty for years, others may decide to invest and open a business, or at the very least visit the downtown. The downtown needs this project.

Morris saves his weakest argument for last.

I am a fan of uni-gov — otherwise known as one government for New Albany and Floyd County, and being in favor of adding another government building to the tax rolls goes against that theory. Uni-gov would eliminate duplicated services, there wouldn’t be these power struggles or personality conflicts, and it would save taxpayers money. Too much government only gets in the way of people trying to live their lives ...

 ... So why would I support spending money to rehabilitate this building, guaranteeing two separate government buildings just blocks apart? Even with a uni-gov the City-County Building will be needed for office space and to allow the courts to expand. That building is also in need of some renovation, but that is for another day ...

... It’s a big move but one I think the city needs to take. There are no other options on the table for the building and this makes the most sense. The downtown needs a boost, and putting city hall inside the Reisz Furniture building may be exactly what is needed. It’s worth the gamble.

Worth the $10,000,000 (or more) gamble, like it's Monopoly money?

If there is a consistent theme to the prevailing Reisz apologetic, it echoes the immortal words of Basil Fawlty: "Don't mention the cost!"

Or: Don't mention the opportunity cost, because we'll be spending an extra $400,000 a year for one government building when the money might be combined with private sector investments to assist dozens of other deserving historic structures downtown and those small businesses and residences occupying them, as well as incentivizing infill construction to fill vacant lots.

Alas, we've long understood that Morris's veneration of "respectable" authority is such that he'll automatically take the side of anyone and anything he's loosely capable of identifying as a selfless community pillar.

Morris comes perilously close to openly acknowledging that this fact-free approach is contradictory as it pertains to uni-gov, and yet he churns out the logic sausage as predictably as Team Gahan and HWC Engineering render Jeff Speck's walkability into more of the same car-centrism.

I asked the newspaper for a similar word count in rebuttal. To my mild surprise, the offer was accepted, and I wrote the following. It was published yesterday; this is the "Director's Cut," leaving intact two passages I was asked by the editor to remove. You'll probably be able to guess which ones.

---

Last week the News and Tribune’s Chris Morris supported governmental intervention ostensibly aimed at “saving” the Reisz Furniture Warehouse by renovating it into a lavish new city hall.

I’d love to see Reisz put to use, just not like this. To understand why, let’s follow the money.

Dating to 1852, the Reisz building has been a flour mill, funeral home and shirt factory. Purchased by Schmitt Furniture in 1988, it served mostly as cheap storage.

At any point during three decades, Schmitt might have opted to “save” Reisz but didn’t, and so a central point of Mayor Jeff Gahan’s case for adaptive reuse is a suddenly urgent need to rectify the "dilapidated” building’s “neglect” (his words).

Apparently there are no penalties in New Albany for structure abuse.

Last August the Redevelopment Commission authorized funds for Gahan’s relocation project, at the time neither subject to an RFP (request for proposal), nor approved by city council. Detailed explanations were offered by Denton Floyd Real Estate Group, with whom Gahan is partnering, as though the deal already had been sealed.

Perhaps this occurred when former redevelopment tsar David Duggins accompanied Denton Floyd last fall for a limousine junket to Keeneland.

By May of 2018, the RFP formality was hurdled. $750,000 passed from Redevelopment to Denton Floyd, including the purchase price of $390,000, with the remainder to empty the building of junk.

Denton Floyd would complete the 23,000-square-foot buildout for city hall’s relocation (currently City Hall uses 6,500 sq. ft. at the City County Building), with a 15-year “rent to own” lease.

Yearly payments will be $570,000, or $8,500,000 over 15 years. By comparison, $200,000 during the same period in the City County Building totals $3,000,000. Another $500,000 is approved for office furnishings, surely a low estimate.

Ten months ago the city’s combined yearly cost at Reisz was estimated at $215,000. It’s more than tripled since then, with just shy of $10,000,000 committed to the project. The total cost of ownership inevitably will rise; in addition to inevitable price hikes, county officials insist the city remains bound to its current landlord. Lawsuits are likely.

20% of the city’s population lives below the poverty line, yet Gahan, who concurrently seeks to demolish half our public housing units, wants to spend an additional $370,000 - $400,000 yearly on city offices, citing the ripple effects of economic development that relocation will generate.

We should be asking whether these ripple effects are real or imagined.

The most persistent advocate of the Reisz project is David Barksdale, historic preservationist and city councilman, who thinks Reisz must be renovated at any cost, and presumably, since limitless costs are government’s responsibility, seeks largess from a bottomless well of cash.

Barksdale touts the project as “skin in the game,” a way of showing downtown stakeholders that City Hall stands with them.

After all, entrepreneurs and small independent business owners have invested $60 million or more into downtown during the past decade, while enjoying few of the subsidies available to suburban industrial park occupants.

Barksdale’s argument is flawed. Private investors spend their own money, but the money required for the municipality’s funding of a single speculative historic preservation project isn’t cash from Gahan’s or Barksdale’s pockets.

Rather, this “skin” belongs to the city’s taxpayers – and they haven’t been asked.

Naturally downtown stakeholders need functional “skin” in the game, this being shared, collective infrastructure, including streets, sewers, police and firefighters. These are grassroots needs, citywide.

City Hall spending almost $10 million on itself? That’s a top-down want.

Some compare a new city hall with the YMCA. It’s absurd. The YMCA brings people downtown who might not otherwise come. Moving city offices three whole blocks changes nothing. The same workers come to work, and they eat the same lunch. There is no net gain.

Furthermore, a relocated city hall threatens to bump Harvest Homecoming’s kiddie rides from its current location, posing a financial hardship for the city’s premier annual festival.

As for the exaggerated rhetoric of historic preservation, $7 million for one additional restored historic building won’t be diverting tour buses.

Numerous structures of historic significance lie within a five minute stroll of Reisz. No study has been conducted to determine whether one of them might be suitable as city hall. No other options even have been considered. If floated as a referendum, this relocation boondoggle probably would lose 70%-30%, or worse.

Ironically Morris, a proponent of unified city-county government (uni-gov), can’t see that Gahan’s interest in city hall relocation is politically motivated, having nothing to do with historic preservation or the Reisz building itself apart from the utility of prying away Barksdale’s council vote to restore Gahan’s control of an otherwise lapsed majority.

City hall’s relocation addresses Gahan’s pathological hatred of uni-gov. He’d secede from the county if allowed, and he’d relocate HQ to a suitably luxurious pole barn if one existed. Plainly, the aim is political preservation for Gahan and Democrats, and Reisz is just one move in a chess game to stave off power-sharing with the county.

Shouldn’t we wait until municipal elections in 2019 to discuss moving city hall?

Let your councilman know this mandate (if any) should come from the people, not the city’s ruling elites.

---

Recent columns:

June 12: ON THE AVENUES: Histrionic preservation? $8.5 million to gift Jeff Gahan with a luxury city hall "want" is simply obscene in a time of societal need.

June 7: ON THE AVENUES: Taco Bell has as much to do with "local business" as Jeff Gahan does with "quality urban design principles."

There was no column on May 31.

May 24: ON THE AVENUES: Long live Keg Liquors Fest of Ale, an indisputable annual beer institution.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: We have every right to swear at that f**king end-of-sentence preposition rule.



"Swearing seems to activate a different linguistic circuitry than the normal speech loop."

The three-minute video is surprisingly exhaustive, and you may wish to use ear buds in sensitive environments -- or just say "fuck it."

Swearing often abets "putting the boot in" (in Great Britain, to "attack another person by saying something cruel, often when the person is already feeling weak or upset"), but what about that preposition placement, anyway?

Where the ‘No Ending a Sentence With a Preposition’ Rule Comes From, by Dan Nosowitz (Atlas Obscura)

Where the ‘No Ending a Sentence With a Preposition’ Rule Comes From
It all goes back to 17th-century England and a fusspot named John Dryden.

THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF INDIVIDUAL rules for proper grammatical use of any given language; mostly, these are created, and then taught, in order to maximize understanding and minimize confusion. But the English language prohibition against “preposition stranding”—ending a sentence with a preposition like with, at, or of—is not like this. It is a fantastically stupid rule that when followed often has the effect of mangling a sentence. And yet for hundreds of years, schoolchildren have been taught to create disastrously awkward sentences like “With whom did you go?”

The origins of this rule date back to one guy you may have heard of. Of whom you may have heard. Whatever. His name was John Dryden ...

Performance review: One Southern Indiana's "Fund Us Well" tour brings the Chamber Heads to Jeffersonville along with their pot(s).


Apparently One Southern Indiana's annual tour of legislative bodies is underway, and the Tom May Picayune sent new reporter Brooke McAfee to cover the performance before Jeffersonville's city council.


1si provides economic development update for Southern Indiana


JEFFERSONVILLE — One Southern Indiana reviewed its cumulative economic successes in a recent report of jobs, projects, annual payroll and new capital invested in Clark and Floyd counties since the organization's formation in 2006 during a presentation to the Jeffersonville City Council Monday.

Come again?

"One Southern Indiana reviewed its cumulative economic successes."

This seems to imply that 1Si seeks credit for the entirety of economic activity in Southern Indiana since 2006.

That can't be right.

On second thought, it's probably intentional. The Green Mouse sent an e-mail about guileless suckers to the ghost of PT Barnum, and we'll let you know the answer as soon as it arrives.

I missed a few New Albany city council meetings, and perhaps 1Si has come already with hat in hand, but no matter. Here's an excerpt from ON THE AVENUES from May 18, 2017.

---

ON THE AVENUES: Are dissidents born or made? A humanities major examines his life and locale.


 ... Coincidentally, 1Si’s President and CEO, Wendy Dant Chesser, spoke to my (Leadership Southern Indiana) class last week during our concluding Community Leadership Day.

Ostensibly Dant Chesser was there to outline steps for effectively leading a non-profit organization, and this she managed to do with requisite efficiency.

However, the second half of her presentation quickly digressed into the customary advertisement for 1Si, although this time with a novel twist.

According to Dant Chesser, the large manufacturing conglomerates most eagerly courted by 1Si (as opposed to independent local businesses and grassroots entrepreneurs, who must settle for trickle-down scraps) prefer employees holding one of the six “top earner” university degrees, including engineering, computers and electronics.

However, according to her PowerPoint slide, higher education insists on disgorging twice as many graduates who’ve been awarded the six least “useful” (and lowest paying) degree choices: English, philosophy, history and the like.

It would seem that both Dant Chesser and the fluffed and subsidized multinational beneficiaries of the neo-liberal order, upon whom 1Si depends to make payroll for 14 staffers, are offended by this ratio.

She made no effort to conceal her disdain for those viewing education as anything other than glorified vocational training, and considering the fact that I wasn’t the only humanities major in the room, her summarizing anecdote of choice was tellingly errant.

Dant Chesser told us of her recent chat with an art history major who was having trouble in the job market. Well, what did he expect? Art history? What sort of guidance counselor would recommend studying subjects as perennially useless as art history?

Well …

Perhaps those guidance counselors grasping that the object of education isn’t always to match obedient hamsters to their proper wheel, but to produce humans capable of thinking. The fact that “fake” news is such a concern these days might enter into this paradigm, wouldn’t you … think?

Seemingly nowhere in Dant Chesser’s narrowly defined (read: confined) world exists the type of broad, individually tailored choices of human aspiration that depart from economic development of the “we’ve always done it this way” variety, which by breathtaking coincidence is the type best calculated to advance the specific capitalist format to which 1Si has attached itself like a leech – hence the blood money of its council funding request.

The real problem might be that humanities majors have been made aware of different trends in the history of thought, and as such, they’re the ones most likely to question Dant Chesser’s premises.

Which I did, aloud and joyfully.

Bizarrely, another of her slides testified to the critical importance of every Southern Indiana resident meekly accepting 1Si’s version of the Regional Cities Initiative, so as to provide unanimity in pursuit of a “collective” path forward – and yes, “collective” is precisely the word this crony capitalist enabler used.

Irony is dead, but Trumpolini didn’t kill it.

As a direct result of past concerns proffered by anti-establishment dissidents, at least the money 1Si is requesting of our council will be put to a specific, directed use: WorkHub, a workforce training initiative.

That’s all well and good, but is this workforce training available to art history majors, or must we collectively denounce the pursuit of non-vocational education before disbursing the dollars to applicants?

Until Dant Chesser answers this question (a contrite public apology would be more suitable, but I’m a cynical realist), I recommend to council that the money be withheld. It won’t, and I can hear the backslapping already.

Brutalism: If we're intent on spending $10,000,000 ... might as well make it interesting.


These two short videos provide a balanced perspective on brutalism in architecture. Preservationists take note: brutalism is historic, too, though not always in the costume drama sense.




Looking ahead to 2019, Ben Carson hoists Jeff Gahan on his own comprehensive plan.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Behind closed doors: Redevelopment is talking about parking downtown, but we can't hear them.



Indeed.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, but to infer from the following excerpts, it has to do with a "solution" to a parking problem that doesn't exist.

I can hardly wait to be served notice that a "solution" without any significant public input has suddenly become breathlessly urgent, and must be implemented immediately.

January 9


February 13


April 10



May 9


Looking ahead to 2019, Ben Carson hoists Jeff Gahan on his own comprehensive plan.


(Associated Press -- June 18, 2019)

A special judge has ruled that New Albany mayor Jeff Gahan must comply with the comprehensive plan his own groveling bootlickers wrote.

At stake is an 8% affordable housing component in the new “Mayor Jeff Gahan Presents the Warren V. Nash Government Center and Basement Anchor Splash Pad at the Historic Reisz Furniture Warehouse Store.”

Is the MJGPWVNGCBASPHRFWS an office or housing? As stated in the the city's 2017 Comprehensive Plan:

When the City of New Albany is a partner in the development of housing through public incentives, a total of 8 percent of the units shall be affordable.

The controversy began when the NA Confidential blog, which no one in New Albany reads, published leaked photos of secret plans to install a complete guest suite in the new city hall for the use of visiting dignitaries.

The 3rd floor suite with hot tub, sun deck, Keurig and pneumatic tube for convenient campaign finance deposits was to be called the David Barksdale Historic Preservation Cash Menagerie, named for the Republican councilman whose key vote enabled Democrats to spend $10,000,000 renovating a building that sold for only $390,000.

According to Adam Dickey, chairman of the Floyd County DemoDisneyDixiecratic Party as well as a permanent sycophantic member of the Redevelopment Commission, “We are thankful that Barksdale fell for that crazy Gahan fib about jumping parties and becoming the mayoral heir apparent. I’m sorry the Republicans kicked him out, but we don't want him as a Democrat -- and I’m pulling enough strings from behind closed doors as it is.”

However, a group of homeless public housing residents displaced by Gahan’s mass demolitions filed a complaint, and Special Judge Ben Carson -- appointed by President Donald Trump for the precise purpose of ensuring Gahan doesn't steal ALL all of The Donald’s dirty tricks -- agreed with the plaintiffs that the guest suite constitutes luxury housing, and therefore is subject to the city’s comprehensive plan.

As Carson read the verdict from the tailgate of a pickup truck parked at the Bob Evans on State Street amid a phalanx of federal troops, municipal corporate counsel Shane Gibson interrupted him with an objection.

"But our beloved Mayor Gahan ... "

“SIT DOWN,” replied Carson. “And don’t think for a moment I can’t whip your butt one-on-one.”

As usual, Gahan could not be reached for comment, but Deputy Mayor Mike Hall released a preliminary plan for compliance with the ruling.

"Here's your stupid 8%," said Hall, displaying this photo of the government center’s affordable housing units, to be located inside the public lavatories.


LIVE TO EAT: "Texting each other at the table should not be the solution" to restaurant noise.


Although it has been only two months since our last look ...

LIVE TO EAT: "Why restaurants became so loud — and how to fight back."


... Reigler's recent treatment of the topic is superlative and more localized. It includes sound sampling in decibels of several local restaurants. The article is an excellent read, and I'm highlighting just two small bits here.

Restaurant noise: Please turn down the volume!, by Susan Reigler (LEO Weekly)

 ... This is my pet peeve about many restaurants and I suspect it might be yours, too. You go out to eat not only to save yourself the task of cooking if you don’t feel up to it, but also to enjoy conversation over a shared meal. That’s very difficult, if not impossible, when the restaurant is so loud that you can’t hear one another. And no, texting each other at the table should not be the solution to this problem.

(snip)

What can you do?

If you do find yourself craving the food at a place where the acoustics seem deafening, here are a few strategies:

1. Go during off-peak times. Dining early in the evening (before 6:30) or late (after 9:00) will often be when the restaurant is less crowded. Sunday and Monday nights tend to be less busy, as well. Fewer people having to shout at each other means a quieter restaurant.

2. Dine al fresco. Obviously this is a “weather permitting” option. Though sometimes, outdoor speakers mean that music can still drown out conversation, not to mention that some restaurant patios allow smoking. (A whole other category of experience spoiler.)

3. Avoid “kids-eat-free” nights. Do this not only to preserve your hearing, but your sanity. Almost no one bothers anymore to teach their children that dinner is a time to sit quietly, eat and eavesdrop on the things adults are saying that are not supposed to be heard by innocent ears.

4. Don’t be reluctant to make your displeasure about the sound level known. It just might get results.

Monday, June 18, 2018

The next merchant meeting is Tuesday morning at the library, 8:30 a.m.

Tuesday morning's merchant meeting will take place at the New Albany-Floyd County Public Library, from which Mayor Jeff Gahan undoubtedly seeks to secede some sweet day.

Allow me to thank certain community-minded friends for forwarding the information, as I'm as yet not reinstated to the mailing list. That's okay. If you're a downtown stakeholder, I strongly urge you to attend, but if you can't, there's always July and August.

In related news, I'm told that Develop New Albany's new president is Rob Dunn, who was upfront and helpful as DNA's liaison with Indie Fest a couple years ago.

Congratulations to Rob. May there be glasnost and perestroika all around -- and plenty more gin if not.

Agonized drivers scream bloody murder as Louisville contemplates a 9th Street shrink 'n' slow.

Photo credit: Undivided Nation.

Let the coddled drivers' bitching begin.

On second thought, it probably already has. Amid the spitting and snarling and all-purpose selfish venom, I'll just be resting here with a beer and cigar, thinking back to all the places I've been that have nice buses, trams and subways extending from city center into the outlying areas.

Soon I'll be walking to work again. It's going to be a quite a pleasure.

The Future of Ninth Street: City debuts potential redesign, by Caitlin Bowling (Insider Louisville)

Louisville Metro Government officials are hoping that by 2022, Ninth Street, from the riverfront to Broadway, will look less like a hazardous highway on the edge of downtown and more like a version of Queens Quay in Toronto.

The street has long been considered problematic, as it effectively divides downtown from the predominantly minority neighborhoods in west Louisville, as well as promotes high vehicles speeds and dangerous crossing conditions for pedestrians.

“It’s well past time for the physical and psychological divide at Ninth Street to end,” Mayor Greg Fischer said in a news release highlighting ways that the street could be transformed.

The draft plan, which was created by consultant Gehl Architects with input from residents, shows three alternatives for Ninth Street but identifies one — the Urban Parkway — as the optimal choice, asserting that it would provide adequate vehicle capacity while improving safety for pedestrians and cyclist and creating new public space.

The Urban Parkway plan would make Ninth Street a four-lane road, down from six lanes, and reduce the lane width to between 10 feet and 11 feet, down from its current 11 to 14 feet. The plan also calls for a bike lane divided from the vehicle lanes, a shorter median, a walking path from Broadway to the Ohio River and 20- to 25-foot landscaped sidewalks with places to sit, play and shop ...

Altogether now: "Business news is the worst part of mainstream media. You’re no better informed by reading it than by reading nothing at all."


Heck, we talk about business all the time.

ON THE AVENUES: Taco Bell has as much to do with "local business" as Jeff Gahan does with "quality urban design principles."


Meanwhile, begin your week with this video cam of foxes pillaging the hen house, and remember:

Yanis Varoufakis, business cults, and why I refuse to wear a suit.


The prime reason for this violent, lifelong allergic reaction to the trappings of chambers of commerce and like-minded business idolatry societies is their vacuously obnoxious glorification of business for the sake of business, in the form of endless rounds of symbolic pom-pom waving, mysterious networking rites, totemic seminars and expense account driven re-education junkets, the sum total of which is the perpetuation of eager, grasping and typically greedy cadres of business “elites”, each dressed exactly alike, refusing to travel in steerage, wholly ignorant of the universe beyond their sales strategies, but perfectly capable of exchanging indecipherable business lingo and colloquialisms that surely would have inspired Sinclair Lewis to update the saga of “Babbitt” for an even more annoying age.

A beertrepreneur? That's something completely different. Now strap on those Wall Street Sickness Bags and enjoy.


The Calm Before the Crash
, by Whitney Wimbish (The Baffler)

Business news is the worst part of mainstream media. You’re no better informed by reading it than by reading nothing at all. In fact, you might be worse off—if you’re sucked into the assumptions of neoliberal economics that are the only existing reality on Wall Street. Those theories boil down to one point: It’s your fault if you’re poor.

snip

A typical criticism of business-page reporting is that it’s not really for regular people, it’s for investors. And, sure, it acts as another set of society pages for richies and helps them make money. But that’s not all it does. Financial news depicts Wall Street from the Wall Street perspective. And it depicts us as Wall Street sees us.

Think about the MarketWatch article from earlier this year, widely mocked on Twitter, which repeated an investment company’s claim that you should have twice your annual salary saved by the time you’re 35. That column isn’t just laughable tripe; what it really does is launder finance industry propaganda that says people don’t have enough money because they’re not saving enough. Not because specific policies have sapped their money, not because retirement products sold by Wall Street don’t work, not because of a tax code that was bad even before Trump got his hands on it. Because of individual bad decisions. It’s your fault!

It doesn’t take a special background in finance to understand that’s a lie. You likewise don’t need to know the details of the Dodd-Frank Act or Trump’s efforts to dismantle it to know something is very wrong in our economy, despite what so many articles would have you believe these days. But here’s some data anyway ...

You may wish to pour a drink before continuing.

Just like before the 2008 crash, personal debt is at an all-time high and some borrowers are defaulting at an increased rate, for example on car loans. Total household indebtedness is $13.2 trillion, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York said in May, $536 billion more than the last high point, which was in 2008. For some perspective, with $13.2 trillion, you could fix Flint’s water crisis more than 60,000 times over. Meanwhile, corporate debt has also grown to an all-time high, with $5.3 trillion in outstanding corporate bonds—and half of the bonds issued in recent years have been downgraded to “junk.”

Total household indebtedness is $13.2 trillion, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York said in May, $536 billion more than the last high point, which was in 2008.

When it all comes crashing down, you know which group will get a bailout. For everyone else, another crash will compound the misery caused by the last one ...

Sunday, June 17, 2018

It's been nine years since this article about New Albany was published. Where the hell are we now?

Mike Ladd and Mike Kopp.
LEO photo by Spencer Jenkins (2009).

There'll be no introductory commentary from me, apart from the basics: the article appeared on June 17, 2009, and in many ways, it depicts a place that no longer exists.

Or does it linger still?

Rinse and repeat: New Albany Wants and Urban Renaissance. Have You Heard This Story Before? by Cary Stemle (LEO Weekly)

 ... The New Albany narrative is not unique. From the moment someone coined the term “suburbs,” these stories have moved inexorably in predictable directions. Suburban malls raided key merchants from downtowns everywhere, setting off a vicious cycle of degeneration, of both infrastructure and public perception. Some cities adapted and thrived, and some died. And a great many — New Albany arguably fits on this list — seem to float on some continuum where things never hit bottom but never go quite right, either.

Those cities become interesting when there’s an ebb large enough to suggest, objectively speaking, that chronic impediments can actually be overcome. Amazingly, some people are starting to believe New Albany can knock back 40 years of defeatism. It is an intriguing proposition.

"All facts are not equal. The fact is, people do not really know what a fact is."


We're almost six full months into 2018, and this is my favorite lead paragraph to date.

My late friend Christopher Hitchens once told me that his American friends often expressed surprise at the number of articles and books he was able to produce. He said that there was a simple reason for his high productivity, which was: “I never watch television.”

So very, very true.


All Facts Are Not Equal: Inside Claud Cockburn’s MI5 File
, by Patrick Cockburn (CounterPunch)

 ... People have always had an exaggerated respect for facts and, thanks to the internet, these are now easily accessible in far greater quantities than ever before. There is a tedious debate about “fake facts”, but this is not really the problem. The fact is, people do not really know what a fact is.

My father Claud Cockburn, a journalist formerly on The Times, once did some damage to his reputation by explaining that facts were not “like pieces of gold ore in the Yukon”, waiting for the prospector to dig them out and give them to the world.

Unlike gold nuggets waiting to be excavated, there are an infinite number of facts in the universe, but these only gain significance and have a meaning because somebody – a journalist, a policeman – decides that they matter, so every fact in the media is the result of the point of view of the person who chose to report them and related them to other facts.

This theory, which became known as the “heresy of the facts”, earned my father some abuse from people who thought he was admitting, as they had long suspected, that journalists make things up.

But many years after he had written about it, I requested his file from MI5, and a year later 26 bulky folders were deposited in the National Archives at Kew. They very much bore out his belief that what mattered most was not the collection of facts, so much as the choice made about which of these were significant and true ...

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Not to be outdone, Deaf Gahan plans a Pride Parade route for New Albany.


It came time for Mayor Deaf Gahan to speak at the city council meeting, and miscommunications minister Mike Hall came bounding to the podium.

"Good evening all. Mayor Gahan wants you to know he's keeping up with the Fischers and the Moores, and so we're going to have a Pride Parade, too. Gentlemen and gentlemen, here's baseball Hall of Famer Jim Rice to talk about the parade plan."

"What parade plan," asked councilman Blair.

"I think you approved it in the amendment appended to the Sewer Reclamation Act of 2016, maybe it was the redevelopment-stuffed-envelope of 2017. It was under the mistletoe, remember? Anyway, why quibble over details? We didn't want to trouble elected officials with internal bunker matters. Tell 'em, Jim."

"Hi, I'm Jim Rice of HWC Engineering. This INDOT-approved Pride Parade plan definitely will keep heavy trucks moving through your neighborhoods, and that's the only thing Mayor Gahan ever wanted us to do, understand? C'mon, if we wanted streets to be safe for pedestrians and bikes, they have grass and trees and be park units, right? HOW CAN WE MAKE ANY MONEY FROM PEOPLE MOVING UNDER THEIR OWN POWER ... "

"Thanks, Jim," said Hall, motioning to security. "The flowers will be delivered on Tuesday morning just like always. Councilman Barksdale, do you have a question?"

"Mike, this whole administration is just wonderful, and I'm just proud as punch about all this pride, but you didn't say if any trees will be removed for the parade. I can make that happen, you know. My peeps on the Tree Board know chainsaws. Take down those trees, and it makes it easier for people in their cars to see the buildings -- I mean, the parade banners."

"Unfortunately, no -- the whole parade route is inside a bar. It's not even historic."

Barksdale sighed audibly.

"That's a relief," interjected councilman Caesar. "Pride Parades like this are an amazing example of cooperation between our city officials and those tireless folks over at One Southern Indiana, but we can't lose sight of the fact that every small step in the direction of greater civil rights and tolerance needs to be taken safely behind closed doors where DemoDisneyDixiecratic voters can't see them."

"Don't worry," Hall replied. "Why do you think the mayor had me put the vanilla filter on the rainbow flag?"

"That's my idea of quality of life," gushed councilman McLaughlin.

"Okay," concluded Hall. "Any more questions? If not, I have one more item of business from the mayor."

"Please go ahead," said council president Knable.

"Great! Mayor Gahan also wants you to know that in the spirit of Indoor Pride Parade, the New Albany Human Rights Commission has not had a single complaint in three years, ever since the mayor stopped making appointments to the HRC, preventing any inconvenient quorums from breaking out."

"No quorum -- no problems. See how easy it is in New Gahania?"

---

The preceding is satire. Yesterday was real-life:

It was my first Kentuckiana Pride Parade, but it won't be my last.


BEER WITH A SOCIALIST: Three cheers for a British ale movement in the States.


I began this conversation yesterday. 

Conditioning ale in the cask (real ale), then pouring it by use of a hand pump (beer engine), are quintessentially British ways of brewing, serving and enjoying ale, with the basic idea being to take a slightly unfinished and still living product and artfully prepare it to be served at the optimal time, with a gentle carbonation produced naturally.

Little bubbles, not big ones.
Cool, not cold.
Low in alcoholic strength, not high.
Sociable, not rocket-fueled.

"Wonderful, low-octane social lubricant" is a great way of summarizing the cask-conditioned ale experience in the British Isles, and perhaps the single greatest annoyance of my career in beer has been the absence in America of traction for this tradition.

One long-term exception is Pints Pub, a brewpub in Denver, which appears to remain in existence. On the three occasions in the 1990s when I was able to attend the Great American Beer Festival, I'd find a way to make it to Pints. I'm sure there are others like it.

Now is seems British ale in general, and cask-conditioned ale in particular, might constitute a new "thing." I can only hope.


Warming up to ales: the British beer movement brewing in America
, by Rory Carroll (The Guardian)

Americans have long rejected Britain’s beer as too warm and flat – but a new wave of brewers are seeking to change that

Americans perceive several reasons to shun British beer. It’s warm. It’s flat. It’s bitter. Or, worse, it’s mild. Thanks but no thanks.

Instead they drink ice-cold Budweiser-type lagers or potent craft brews and leave the Brits to their eccentric potions.

Now a Minnesota-born brewer with a punk vibe and passion for English ale hopes to change all that, starting with “sublime pints” in Los Angeles.

“British beers have been flying under the radar here. They’re maligned and they basically apologise for being what they are,” said Andy Black. “We’re not apologising. We’re proud of what we do and want to be in your face about it.”

Going way back in time, certain American craft breweries and some non-brewing pubs installed hand pumps, and I always found the results variable -- not for lack of sincerity in the their effort, but because almost nothing about our way of organizing a brewery, setting up a pub and conceptualizing beer as a way of life actually addresses the logistical needs of cask ale culture.

Often it was more about the presentation or pulling the handle, then what was inside the firkin -- and you'd wonder if what was inside the firkin was "real" at all.

It's understandable, seeing as America hasn't had a cask ale culture since long before the Civil War, if then.

Germans brought lager, and in the 19th-century lager behaved like an invasive species, reducing ale consumption to almost nothing, whether hand-pumped, kegged or bottled. Ale bounced back during the past three decades, although not very often in the British fashion, which is subdued and balanced, as opposed to amping up and ramping up beer styles.

As an alternative to obtain genuine cask-conditioned ale, why not import the real thing from the United Kingdom?

Primarily because cask ale's lower gravity and meticulous process of preparation renders it relatively fragile, something we learned at the pub along the way.

By 2002 or thereabouts, the B. United beer importing firm had devised an effective way to ship cask ale from the U.K. to the states, confining most of the transport to cold weather months, doing the final conditioning in-house, and using refrigerated trucks to get the firkins to wholesalers.

The only problem with all this was the added cost, which meant you'd be selling a pint of 4% abv "ordinary" bitter for $8 or $9, somewhat defeating the purpose of a simple, sessionable ale.

Nonetheless, my friend Steve Crull constructed a gleaming wooden cabinet for use at the Public House (Rich O's, to many), upon which was affixed a reconditioned beer engine made available to us by B. United. Just like that, we went into the business of serving cask-conditioned ale -- but only occasionally.

The firkin would be delivered on Tuesday. It needed to rest undisturbed in the walk-in for a few days, and be vented 24 hours ahead of serving. I'd aim for a Friday, and we'd throw some of those reusable freezer gel ice pads on the firkin to keep it lightly chilled.

Rather than the usual mark-up on draft, I'd add a buck or two to cost, and call it good. If everything went right, the firkin would be gone by evening's end, and to make sure, I'd drink four or five of them.

At the advent of NABC's Bank Street Brewhouse in 2009, I was bound and determined that we'd brew our own British-style cask ales and bravely alter paradigms. We bought and installed two beer engines, and David Pierce came up with a brilliant way of rendering accurate cask ales from our distribution-oriented brewing system, but it didn't work out in the end.

The economy of scale in the brewhouse was too large, and not intended to accommodate such a niche. Even when we managed to keep the two pumps supplied, customers tended to yawn. They didn't know the story. Every turnover in staff also meant another lengthy explanation from scratch, which soon became tiresome for all of us.

When I left NABC in 2015, the hand pumps were uprooted to make room for an espresso machine. If there's any one thing that broke my heart about the end of my NABC, it was this.

I wonder what happened to them?

Chicken, meet egg. For cask ale on a hand pull to work, there needs to be a consistent supply and a constant rate of depletion, but when even otherwise knowledgeable beer drinkers are unaware, and cask ale moves slowly, the break-even point where education meets demand never seemed to arrive.

In short, as I suppose Pints Pub was proving all those years ago, it's best to have a small brewery on site, dedicated to cask ale only, and cask ale alone -- and it doesn't hurt to have a huge collection of Scotch whisky as backup.

As noted yesterday, Pints & Union will not be pouring "real ale" from cask-conditioned firkins by means of beer engines. However, if a sustainable and cost-effective way to perform this function emerges, I'll grab it ASAP. Of course, we might hoist 5-gallon "pins" on occasion and pour them picnic-cooler-style from the bar top. It's all about availability ... and quality.

I'll let you know more when there's more to know.

Of Bloomsday and Ulysses, with a pinch of Anthony Burgess.


The Economist reminds us that June 16 is Bloomsday.

​Some will start their day with Leopold Bloom’s breakfast of “thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart [and] liverslices”. They might don a straw hat or a bowler, and stroll through Dublin, past Martello Tower and Sandymount Strand, ending at Kildare Street. The annual celebrations of “Ulysses” are not confined to James Joyce’s native Ireland: those in America, Australia, Canada, Italy or France can partake of dramatic readings, tea parties and plays. But many argue that this civilised annual knees-up is not true to the spirit of the notorious novel, first serialised in 1918 and banned for its frank portrayal of sexual desire and extra-marital affairs. Indeed, many tactfully ignore the reason Joyce set his masterpiece on June 16th 1904: it marked his first date with Nora Barnacle, his future wife, when she slid her hand into his trousers and “made [him] a man”. Best not to think about that over breakfast.

It's an apt segue for me, seeing as I've just completed reading Anthony Burgess's novel Earthly Powers.

History's nightmare -- the ongoing tale of human cruelty and oppression -- animates much of the work of both James Joyce and his most prolific disciple, Anthony Burgess.

The narrator in Earthly Powers is an English novelist named Kenneth Toomey, and it must suffice to say that Toomey has a pivotal experience in Dublin at the age of 14 -- on June 16, 1904, with one of Joyce's characters from Ulysses. For Toomey, this suggests a gaping hole in the plot of Joyce's novel, which of course is fiction. But is it?

Both Ulysses and Finnegan's Wake have defied my best efforts at reading. Many years ago I made it most of the way through the former, but did not finish, and as we used to say at the pub, finishing is crucial.

My question now: which version of Ulysses is my choice when the time comes to cross this book off the bucket list once and for all?

The Strange Case of the Missing Joyce Scholar, by Jack Hitt (New York Times)

Two decades ago, a renowned professor promised to produce a flawless version of one of the 20th century’s most celebrated novels: “Ulysses.” Then he disappeared.

Some 16 years ago, The Boston Globe published an article about a jobless man who haunted Marsh Plaza, at the center of Boston University. The picture showed a curious figure in a long overcoat, hunched beneath a black fedora near the central sculpture. He spent his days talking with pigeons to whom he had given names: Checkers and Wingtip and Speckles. The article could have been just another human-interest story about our society’s failing commitment to mental health, except that the man crouched in conversation with the birds was John Kidd, once celebrated as the greatest James Joyce scholar alive.

Kidd had been the director of the James Joyce Research Center, a suite of offices on the campus of Boston University dedicated to the study of “Ulysses,” arguably the greatest and definitely the most-obsessed-over novel of the 20th century. Armed with generous endowments and cutting-edge technology, he led a team dedicated to a single goal: producing a perfect edition of the text. I saved the Boston Globe story on my computer and would occasionally open it and just stare. Long ago, I contacted Kidd about working on an article together, because I was fascinated by one of his other projects — he had produced a digital edition, one that used embedded hyperlinks to make the novel’s vast thicket of references and allusions, patterns and connections all available to the reader at a click.

Joyce once said about “Ulysses” — and it’s practically a requirement of any article about the novel to use this quote — “I’ve put in so many enigmas and puzzles that it will keep the professors busy for centuries arguing over what I meant.” And that has always been part of how the novel works. For most of the book, what you are reading are the fractured bits of memory and observation kicking around in the head of a single schlub named Leopold Bloom as he wanders about Dublin on a single day, June 16, 1904. It’s the sensation of putting these bits together and the pleasure, when it happens, of suddenly getting it — the joke, the story, the book — that compels you throughout.

This is why “Ulysses,” through most of the 20th century and into this one, still catches up all kinds of nonacademic readers who form clubs or stage readings on June 16. I remember wandering into an all-night read-a-thon on the Upper West Side, at Shakespeare & Co. on 81st Street, when I moved to New York in the 1980s. I arrived at the beginning, in the late afternoon, with good intentions, but staggered home and then returned the next day for the final chapter and suddenly realized that, read aloud, the 24 hours of the book’s action take 24 hours to read. The running time in your head is the same as the running time in the book. For a few minutes, I thought I was onto something brilliant, until another yawning fan in the bookstore mentioned a set of connections she had found and I realized, Oh, right, we’re all doing this ...

Friday, June 15, 2018

BEER WITH A SOCIALIST: Cask ales are the indigenous, tasty, beery glories of the British Isles (article from 2009).

Beryl Cook.

It's been a year since I profiled the Dolphin Inn, a Plymouth (England) institution, where I've enjoyed pints of cask-conditioned Bass in 2009 and 2013.

THE BEER BEAT: The Dolphin, one of my favorite pubs in the world.


Pints & Union will be opening soon, and several readers have asked if we'll be pouring cask ale. The unfortunate answer is no, although there might be the occasional pin or firkin from somewhere hoisted atop the bar and dispensed by gravity.

In this column and the one following it on Saturday, it is my aim to provide some background about cask ale, which might help to explain why we won't be installing hand pumps at the start. In short, economies of scale are out of whack.

However, on a positive note, it appears that ales from the British Isles might be poised for a comeback. If so, anything is possible.

What I really need is a local brewer of applicable size to supply the goods, maybe a homebrewer ready to ramp up to a commercial system of 2 - 3 barrels (some homebrewers already brew more), resolving to supply a local pub with two or three firkins of bitter a week, with the remainder available at the barn tasting room. 

In the following essay, which I wrote for Food & Dining Magazine in 2013, the principle of cask ale is explained. The text in red marks obsolete information. I'll pick up the story tomorrow.

---

Hip Hops: Real English Ale (2009)

At the Dolphin Inn, a delightfully non-refurbished Plymouth harbor pub located a few yards from the very spot where the Mayflower left England for America, thirsty visitors queue to drink draft Bass Pale Ale served in a rigorously traditional and characteristically English manner.

The firkin, a keg of unique and purpose-built design, lies slightly tilted on its side in a cradle at room temperature. A wooden peg (spile) faces skyward, filling a hole that had been punched at tapping. A faucet, tapped into place with a rubber mallet, protrudes horizontally from the firkin. The onrushing ale is borne on a gravity trail, pouring from the opened faucet into a waiting pint glass, cool but not cold, with minimal yet sufficient natural carbonation.

Perhaps the only nod to modernity is the use of stainless steel, rather than wood, to fabricate the firkin. Otherwise, it is likely that Plymouth’s publicans were filling tankards in like fashion almost four hundred years ago as the Pilgrims prepared for their voyage to the New World by loading their own barrels of ale onto the Mayflower.

The Dolphin decants its Bass in this simple, old-fashioned way, unpasteurized, and without the forced-pressure C02 system to which the world has grown accustomed, because the ale itself is naturally carbonated, or cask-conditioned, in the firkin by means of a secondary fermentation.

Although comparatively few English pubs follow the venerable example of the Dolphin’s gravity-pour method, many of them continue to vend one or more cask-conditioned ales with the help of a beer engine, colloquially referred to as a hand pump, or a hand-pull. Their firkins are stored in the coolness of the cellar, where they are tended and prepped for serving. When ready, the ale is pumped by the barman into eager pint glasses.

“Cask-conditioned” ale also is referred to as “real” ale, and those ales conceived, brewed, packaged and served in this natural manner are the indigenous, tasty, beery glories of the British Isles.

Disturbingly, real ale almost became extinct during the 1970’s, primarily because both then and now, conditioning ale in a firkin and serving properly at a pub is thoroughly old-school -- time consuming, labor intensive and absent the sexiness of mass-market commoditization, the dictates of which demand industrially produced, cost-effective “dead” ales and lagers in conventional kegs, bottles and cans.

Thanks in large measure to the advocacy of the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA), one the modern era’s most principled and effective consumer lobby groups, real ale’s decline has been reversed even though many older brands and breweries have disappeared. A vibrant new generation of smaller brewers committed to cask-conditioning has stepped forward to keep tradition intact, enabling us to consider “living” ale as a symbol of pre- and post-industrial life. It’s the way beer was done for thousands of years, and now, in the new millennium, real ale once again tells the story of slow food, green living and an appreciation of natural virtues in food and drink.

Historically, the stylistic range of England’s brewing output is relatively narrow: Mild, Bitter, IPA, Stout, Porter, Old Ale and Barley Wine still suffice to summarize most of what you’d expect to see at the pub, although these days there are Golden Ales and the occasional seasonal Wheat appearing in summertime. Apart from the rarer Old Ales and Barley Wines, the alcoholic strength of English ale tends to be lower than one might expect, perhaps averaging around 4% abv.

Indeed, the English on-premise brewing ethos checks in at reasonable session strengths. In practice, probably 75% of the cask-conditioned ale pouring at any given time in England is Bitter, which is subdivided into designations that again pertain primarily to alcoholic strength: Ordinary, Best, Extra Special and the like. Alcoholic strength and rates of taxation are intertwined; consequently, expect to pay steadily more for a pint of ale as it escalates in alcoholic content.

At their finest, balance is the watchword for all English real ales, especially those quaffable Bitters, and cask-conditioning is more than a way of drinking. It’s a way of thinking. Flavors are subtle and even simplistic, yet unmistakably rendered. The malt character is rich and sweetish, with a touch of fruitiness. The classic English hop varieties are elegant, packing less of a bitter punch than their American cousins. The overall package is thirst quenching or contemplative, depending on one’s mood.

From start to finish, real ale requires effort and thought, especially for the publican charged with its care. Whether dispensed by gravity feed or hand pump, the clock begins ticking when the firkin’s seals are breached. Oxygen, the prime enemy of freshness, enters the firkin to occupy the head space as its volume is depleted. The carbonation recedes with time, and the ale becomes entirely flat. Oxidization produces unpleasantness, and the ale goes “off.”

There are two ways to avoid this outcome.

One is to drain the vessel promptly, with it being widely held that once tapped, a firkin has two days before deterioration makes the contents undrinkable. For a pub doing a good trade, this certainly is achievable.

But if the firkins turn over too slowly, or if the publican desires a degree of certainty to assist in what can be a coin toss, there is another way: A gadget called a cask breather, which is a nipple inserted into the spile hole and attached to a tank of CO2. As the ale is pumped out, small bursts of CO2 are drawn inside the firkin – not enough to push the liquid as in conventional kegs, but merely to occupy the head space and keep the liquid fresh.

CAMRA opposes cask breathers on traditionalist grounds. However, if the firkins can’t be turned over with predictable speed, it makes more sense to use a breather.

Cask-conditioned ales and the English pub are synonymous, and most readers of this publication are American, prompting the obvious question: How can one experience the joys of real ale in the States?

Some genuine English-brewed, cask-conditioned ales make their way to the United States in firkins, primarily through the good offices of the B. United International importing house’s cask ale program. I’ve sold firkins from B. United for many years and have had few problems, although there are two potential drawbacks.

First, by tradition, most English cask-conditioned ale is low gravity and low alcohol, which renders it fragile for shipping long distances. Consequently, B. United’s cask ale program is seasonal, with firkins sent stateside only during cold weather months.

Second, transport costs translate into steep prices, and while this may be the norm for all imports, it simply doesn’t always make sense to sell a pint of 3.7% ale, however wonderful, at twice the price of other drafts. Remember also that the more slowly a firkin moves, the greater chance of spoilage, and the greater need for a cask breather.

To experience the characteristics of English-brewed, cask-conditioned ale, it follows that the most dependable introductory option is to shop for English-brewed, bottle-conditioned ale, often from the same breweries. It’s the same concept in single-serving size. As with the firkins, a bit of finishing sugar goes into the bottles, and a mild secondary fermentation provides the necessary carbonation.

When scanning store shelves or beer menus, know that familiar brewery names include Fuller’s (specifically, its 1845 brand), O’Hanlon’s, Cropton, Coniston, and Young’s. Generally, English these ales are exported in 16.9 oz bottles, and will bear “bottle-conditioned” in plain sight on the label.

Nowadays in America, the freshest and best real ale emulates the English tradition, in that it is local or regional in origin, and hasn’t traveled very far before tapping. Look to the ranks of America’s burgeoning craft brewers, and find out whether the nearest brewery offers cask-conditioned ale. An increasing number of brewpubs have a beer engine and are eager to promote real ale and to educate the drinking public about its virtues, and more microbreweries than ever before are supplying real ale to pubs and restaurants that have hand-pull capability.

In 2009 in the metro Louisville area, cask-conditioned ale can be found at these brewpubs: Bluegrass Brewing Company (St. Matthews only), Cumberland Brews, and New Albanian Brewing Company (both locations). Beer bars that serve cask-conditioned ale include the O’Shea’s family of pubs (O’Shea’s, Flanagan’s and Brendan’s) and the The Pub at Fourth Street Live. Not all of these establishments are able to keep real ale flowing at all times, so before dropping in, don’t forget to phone to see what’s on the hand-pull.

My final bit of advice to those who find themselves smitten with real ale: Save your nickels, dimes and frequent flier miles. The best cask-conditioned ale is local, and in England. Buy CAMRA’s annual “Good Beer Guide,” pack light, and head into the countryside from Heathrow or Gatwick.

Order a pint of Bitter and a Ploughman’s Plate … and slow down.