ON THE AVENUES: Doc Harris and the Commissioners at the No Clue Corral.

Ah, the foolish delusions of youth.

Displaying the guileless eagerness of a fresh military recruit going into battle for the very first time, I began attending New Albany city council meetings in 2005, concurrently submitting to engagement in all sorts of grassroots public meetings.

After a few months thrashing through this stinking, fetid swamp, my only goal in life became finding a nice, dry branch to hang on to.

My persistence in indulging this gavel-pounding, head-throbbing, BDSM-like fetish for social dysfunction subsequently extended far past the point when most normal people would have been forcibly loaded onto the padded taxi for a no-expenses-paid visit to Fantasy Island.

It’s a testament to my sheer, stubborn cantankerousness that I never became one of the zombie drones, although not unlike formaldehyde, copious quantities of beverage alcohol certainly helped preserve my sanity.

Then in 2019, lest the gateway martinis lead me down a path to heroin, I withdrew from the fray. After 15 years, I finally reached a sensible conclusion that as long as undemocratic Democrats ruled the municipal roost, there’d never be improvement. Rehabilitation proceeds apace. 

But those outlandish nightmares of King Larry Kochert ogling my leotards?

They’ll last forever.

One lesson from this era of trauma and self-harm also stays with me, because whenever Floyd County politicians belonging to either major political party suddenly cite an alarming lack of information as a reason to delay acting, even when the vital information deemed essential has reposed for weeks and maybe months atop a case of Bud Light Kumquat-A-Rita in their dens—in Bob Caesar’s case, immediately adjacent to the “missing” crate containing his Bicentennial Commission financial records—it invariably leads to two closely related outcomes.

Their sleeves are being tugged by self-appointed pillars (read: fixers) of the community … and as a result, an embarrassing retrograde maneuver is in the offing.

Given my pre-retirement history of gleefully exposing the dismal antics of New Albany's DemoDisneyDixiecrats, currently extinct beyond city limits, many heads will be nodding in anticipation of the usual verbiage directed against Adam’s Ants. 

Not this time. 

Instead, let’s take a journey to the other side of the aisle, and consider our information-deprived county commissioners, Republicans all: Shawn Carruthers, John Schellenberger and Tim Kamer. 

---

Dear reader, unless you’re a complete imbecile, you've grasped with clarity and certainty that the COVID-19 pandemic has entered a particularly gruesome stage as the holiday season approaches.

Consider the self-inflicted wounds of Indiana’s governor, Eric Holcomb. After more than seven months of futility spent trying to thread the GOP’s culture-wide needle of pandemic denial, even as his predecessor Mike Pence stood off to the side, maskless, breathing vapid scripture into his eyeglasses, Holcomb opened, then partially closed, and finally conceded his own impotence in declaring a new color-coded system to put COVID mitigation measures into the hands of local county officials.

Just think how much Holcomb’s late autumn devolution might have helped had it been implemented in April. Perhaps he was frightened by the Libertarian insurgency in the gubernatorial race. Pence might have been distracted by the need to find a new job. None of it would matter if not for the potential for a worse pandemic than we already experienced, and presently are witnessing.  

Now, in November, for all intents and purposes, COVID-era devolution means that local unelected county officials are being charged with formulating and enforcing policies pertaining to the pandemic.

There’s the rub.

With the vast majority of Indiana’s elected Republicans, as well as a far larger percentage of minority Democrats than you might imagine, all unwilling to risk leadership during an election-year public health crisis, but yearning to preserve their electoral viability for future pandering, the magical solution is to put unpopular decisions in the hands of folks like Dr. Thomas Harris, chief of the Floyd County Health Department.

Frequent readers will recall the infamous "Pour Gate" scandal in 2013 (see here for a full account), when Dr. Harris sought to exceed his agency’s statutory limitations and was wrestled to the ground and repelled by a holy coalition of Hoosiers. Obviously, Dr. Harris and I are not bosom buddies, and quite likely won’t ever be.

However, 2013 and 2020 are one hundred and seven years apart.

It was reported last week that Dr. Harris has been approved to serve another term by the health department board, a decision customarily "certified" by the three Floyd County Commissioners (as noted, all are Republican).

However, the certification was tabled, with Kamer, the least experienced commissioner, stepping forward as de facto spokesman to cite the telltale absence of critical information. Carruthers and Schellenberger merely confined themselves to disinterested nods, and transparency crawled off to die.

The optics of the unanticipated delay couldn’t be much worse for the commissioners, given that earlier in the week Dr. Harris has announced tighter pandemic restrictions on restaurants and bars, still more timid than those taken in surrounding states, and yet a step in the right direction.

Unless, of course, you’re among the whack-jobs who still deny the efficacy of any pandemic restrictions, or the existence of COVID itself. Whether the three commissioners do or don’t embrace science is a question we can’t answer, although their haste in stalling Dr. Harris’s reappointment seems to me an irrefutable clue. After all, one of them is the Republican Party’s county chairman.

Scuttlebutt meanwhile suggests their arms are being twisted by Republican grandees besotted with lunatic fringe Kool-Aid and evangelical Christianity; perhaps Dr. Harris failed to properly fill out the Right to Life questionnaire, or forgot to put a MAGA sign in his yard.

Or, as my friend Occam suggests, it’s exactly as it seems, and local Republicans are terrified lest they be viewed as surrendering to nasty masked liberals who worship George Soros. 

Freedom! Liberty! Mass infections and an early death to grandma! 

Well, you know, the stock market rules.

---

As many of you are aware, I’m employed part-time by a restaurant, and have another part-time job writing about restaurants. When Dr. Harris usurped his department's power in 2013, I spent two years fighting against him, and winning, because he was wrong—and quite a few Republicans agreed, and did the heavy lifting required.

However, I fully support the measures announced last week by Dr. Harris to address the pandemic’s spread. They’re something, as opposed to nothing, and also necessary, as opposed to Disney World.

In point of fact, Harris’s actions during a single day last week shot this unelected official straight to the top of the local leadership board, seeing as leadership from elected officeholders has been even more AWOL than usual since March.

Yes, city council passed a toothless resolution, and two weeks ago, the mayor attached his name to a ludicrously belated social media pronouncement divulging his lightbulb-above-noggin recognition of the pandemic, and urging citizens to mask up and distance themselves. News travels slowly into the shadowy bowels of the bunker, and it only took hundreds of days, but better late than never.

We needn't elaborate as to what local elected Republicans have done concerning COVID, since as Billy Preston once reminded us, nothing from nothing leaves … nothing.

Dr. Harris exercised a semblance of leadership, and his Republican handlers immediately hung him out to dry. It isn’t a coincidence. They inhabit a political belief system that would have exiled Dr. Anthony Fauci before Memorial Day if not checked. Many of them are entangled in religious superstition that would have been right at home in Spain during the Inquisition. We stream music via weird and mysterious invisible waves; they spin 78-rpm discs coated with shellac. 

Dear reader, if you espouse human reason, and respect the veracity of the scientific method, I suggest you query the commissioners as to what sort of petty game they're playing, and who is issuing their marching orders. Their phone numbers are here, although not their e-mail addresses.

Not surprising, is it?

---

November 15: ON THE AVENUES: Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon (The Big Bang Remix).

November 7: On (or off) the Avenues, there's got to be a morning after. 

October 8: ON THE AVENUES: I'm voting for Biden. Otherwise it's Trump's burgeoning fascist GOP death cult. 

October 1: ON THE AVENUES: Welcome to the last will and testament of NA Confidential. 

Face the Face.

There's a reason for #DontBeAMaskHole.

I've said all along, and will now repeat, that it's the ultimate in despicable governmental cowardice to "encourage" face masks, but to allow retail workers to do the dirty work of enforcement.

A restaurant subject to health department guidelines regarding hygienic standards, generally now including face masks, must obey (and most are aboard) or face sanctions. Meanwhile elected officials from BOTH major political parties see no issue with issuing unenforced mandates leading to ordinary workers being compelled to act as police on behalf of spineless politicians.

It's bullshit, and it needs to stop. I live in a place called New Albany, Indiana, and the unmitigated, calculating drivelers currently serving in elective office here can be the place where rationality begins.

Fed up with anti-maskers, mask advocates are demanding mandates, fines — and common courtesy, by Marc Fisher

 ... In a country stumbling to control a rampant and deadly virus, masks are effective and popular weapons. Three-quarters of Americans favor requiring people to wear face coverings in public to stop the spread of the novel coronavirus, including 89 percent of Democrats and 58 percent of Republicans, according to an Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research poll in July.

Now, with the nation reeling from more than 5 million infections and nearly 170,000 virus-related deaths, a rising sense of outrage is leading this silent majority to push back against the smaller but louder anti-mask contingent.

Instead of flashy protests and confrontations, however, mask supporters are expressing their exasperation in quieter ways, writing letters to local newspapers, posting on social media, patronizing businesses identified as mask-enforcers on dedicated Facebook groups and urging state and local officials to mandate mask-wearing in public.

So far, 34 states and the District have adopted mask requirements. Now, mask advocates want police to enforce those orders, a move some police chiefs have said they are reluctant to make. They are seeking legal protection for retail workers put in the awkward position of enforcing mask rules. And they are lobbying for a coordinated federal mask policy ...

Out of Nowhere.

I had a pandemic-inspired old fart moment today.

The Monarch (wholesale beer distributorship) order arrived on schedule and the driver Ray phoned me according to our usual arrangement. My bike's back from the shop, so I rode it down to unlock Pints&union.

About halfway there I thought "crap, I forgot my mask." Ah, I further reasoned, we have some official Pints&union masks at work; no problem.

Ray was waiting by the back door. I rushed in and ran past all the masks stored by the taps, apologized to Ray because I'd forgotten my mask, said I'd keep my distance, and received the order.

Only then, with no one else around, did I think to grab a Pints face mask from the stack. I put away the beer and came home, sat down, and noticed my mask was right there, hanging from my neck the entire time.

Ray thinks I'm senile.

I'm wondering, too.

Happy 60 years + one day (to me).

Don't Be A Dick.

The Irish Rover took to Facebook on Friday evening to shine a light on the 800-gorilla in the room.

Speaking personally, this sentence stands out: "We hate having to be the mask police."

No kidding. If local and state government possessed an iota of cojones, and they don't, then we'd have a bit of help via enforced mandates, and not have to take time from our own work to apply the government's toothless edicts for it.

But that's the reality of two-party political cowardice.

The Rover's testimony is first, and then a link to a very useful article titled, "Why the libertarians are foolish about face masks."

Business was pretty good today despite the weather, and we saw a lot of regulars, including some we hadn’t seen since the shutdown....a great day, right?

No. Today sucked.

Numerous guests ignored posted mask policy (including seating themselves without masks and creating a scene when asked to leave), and many refused to comply with polite requests to wear the masks when staff approached to serve them.

This isn’t about people who forget to put the masks on...we truly appreciate all of you who are trying to learn the new normal!

We’re talking about people who are openly defiant. Who stuff the mask into a pocket or zip it into a purse. Who laugh and say they’ll “try.”

We hate having to be the mask police. It’s exhausting (and costly...one table walked out cursing at us, and without paying for their drinks). But we are trying to protect the health of our staff and guests.

What’s really upsetting, though, is the complete lack of concern for the health of the people trying to serve you. It’s demoralizing and dehumanizing, and it’s really hurts.

We love the restaurant business, but this is soul crushing. And it has us wondering why we are working so hard to keep going.

There is an incident recounted on local social media that may or may not be true, but it perfectly captures the attitude we encountered so many times today:

A woman enters an empty coffee shop, and, when asked by the barista to put on a mask, she replies:

“Why? There’s no one here”

The article's from the Financial Times, and you may not be able to read it without registering. In the event, allow my sole excerpt to tell the tale.

Why the libertarians are foolish about face masks, by Henry Mance (FT)

Wearing coverings is finally mandatory in England in shops as well as on public transport

Wearing a mask is an act of trust. It does not protect you — it protects others, and their masks protect you. The effect is likely to be small, but it is a sign of shared endeavour, an essential part of getting through this crisis. Just as no one is an atheist in a foxhole, no one is a libertarian in a pandemic.

The Torture Never Stops.

Let's see if I have this straight.

It took laborious behind-the-scenes lobbying to convince New Albany's city council Democrats to approve a toothless face covering/mask resolution, an eloquent statement of abdication. This done, a committee of customary suspects was appointed to consider a "heavier" ordinance, and all involved -- including the mayor, who'd also done precisely zilch -- breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing  of substance had occurred, and responsibility was deferred.

(As an aside, now I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, they'll return to the ordinance idea. They might.)

But, still: The score begins Nothing 1, Something 0.

Then, after President Trump emerged from his Twitter war room in a state of consciousness suitable to tepidly support the wearing of face coverings/masks, Governor Eric Holcomb, a Republican, decreed a statewide mandate for Indiana, to begin a week after his announcement, this delay coming because -- well, there's all the time in the world, I suppose.

Nothing 1, Something 0, but with a runner on base.

Then, after standing by for weeks, Dr. Thomas Harris read the governor's proclamation and belatedly discovered the effectiveness of face coverings/masks, issuing his own Floyd County Health Department writ mandating masks to take effect three days in advance of Holcomb's order.

Nothing 1, Something 0, but with another runner on base.

Today, Holcomb signed an executive order mandating face coverings/masks, but without any semblance of an enforcement mechanism. Subsequently it was revealed that Harris's order also is absent any teeth, and what the hell, it didn't matter anyway, because both the sheriff (Frank Loop, R) and the police chief (Todd Bailey, D) -- in agreement for the first time in living memory -- conceded their shared disinterest in enforcing ANY such law.

Let's see -- double play, then a runner picked off; Nothing comes to bat and blasts home runs on two straight pitches.

Nothing 3, Something 0. Game over. Pandemic very much NOT over.

I ask, again: if politicians are not going to muster the simple courage demanded of them by their oaths, and expend the necessary political capital to help the populace stay safe DURING A PANDEMIC, then when, exactly, do they feel that the proper time might actually be?

This is why I detest the two-party system with every last fiber of my being.

Our elected officials from both parties have combined to incessantly politicize public health during this crisis, and to hand us a document written in invisible ink. But I must say in utter candor that the GOP, in charge of "governing" throughout the state, bears more of the sad burden of ignominy.

Let's call the non-outcome Triple Secret Probation.

Better yet, why not refer to it as a DEAD LETTER. 

After all, their combined non-efforts will lead to Hoosiers ... that's right, dying.

(for the next few days, I'll be titling my posts after songs. That should confuse them even more)

ON THE AVENUES: These overdue mask mandates should help us separate the bad actors from the good.

I like the idea of beginning the column with music. Thank you for the idea, Charles P. Pierce.

Meanwhile, they hath stolen my damn thunder.

I'd been preparing a sermon about the path of the righteous masked man, and how it is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil unmasked men.

Then these Republicans went and canceled me.

First it was Indiana’s Governor Eric Holcomb, followed by the Floyd County Health Department chief Dr. Thomas Harris.

Holcomb’s statewide mask mandate starts on Monday, but once the potential for heat from the home office in Indy was reduced, Dr. Tom at long last implemented a must-mask decree here, to begin tomorrow (Friday, July 24).

Enquiring minds want to know: What on earth took Dr. Tom so long?

Back in 2013 he was willing to fight for two entire YEARS for the health department’s inalienable “right” to regulate breweries pouring cups of beer at outdoor events.

Remembering the Great Beer Pour War of 2013: Bank Street Brewhouse, the Floyd County Health Department and the flight of the bureaucrats.

 ... On July 1, 2015, when a "beer bill" authored by Rep. Ed Clere officially becomes state law, it will be demonstrated for a third (and we trust final) time that the FCHD and its head, Dr. Tom Harris, were mistaken all along.

The new law is clear and explicit, as based on the two preceding legal precedents, both hitherto ignored by the FCHD.

All thanks to Ed Clere. His hard work in compelling local government functionaries to obey their own laws will not be forgotten, especially by me.

I digress, of course, but not before adding an important addendum.

The preceding events occurred between 2013 and 2015. They’re minor in relative terms compared with a pandemic, and yet it behooves me to note that when conditions, facts and realities on the ground change, we’re obliged to change with them.

Ask me a year ago what I thought about masks, and I’d likely to have shrugged and described them as comical. Now I’m not laughing.

Let’s be clear about these mask mandates.

They are an unqualified good.

---

The available evidence has long since convinced all but the most strident of dogma-driven refuseniks that we are in the midst of a coronavirus public health emergency. Sorry, Ayn Randians; the coronavirus itself has proven to be notoriously indifferent to the philosophy of objectivism.

Reputable scientific opinion existing outside our partisan propaganda silos is consistent and persuasive; COVID-19 is not the customary seasonal flu, and we’ve thoroughly botched our response to it.

The pandemic is not “going away” on its own, and if we can yet muster a coherent collective response, perhaps lives can be saved and post-COVID after-effects on personal health reduced.

Truth is truth. I needn’t have mentioned one of the worst novelists in recent American history to support the point.

Moreover, it serves no purpose to refer to the stock market, presidential elections, the purported expertise of rogue orthodontists who have found a link between Chinese viruses and the Trilateral Commission, or the way that social media renders both libtards and fascists into evil incarnate depending on the way the light bounces from mirrors none of us seem interested in using any longer.

As for the bizarre and almost purely American-derived "issue" of face masks, I support their use. Block, mute and unfriend to your heart's content. I’m satisfied with the testimony of trained medical authorities possessing long years of experience. Masks strike me as helpful and courteous in a time of pandemic. You and I can work together to keep a percentage of spray particles to ourselves. It's not a panacea; nothing is. It helps, and that's good.

Early on, as the merits of masks in spaces where social distance is harder to achieve became increasingly obvious, I noticed how few of the denizens of downtown New Albany were wearing them. Among them were many folks who in one way or another are “official,” or somehow consider themselves among the societal vanguard in some dimension – indie biz advocates, city employees and retail personnel, as examples.

It’s gotten gradually better since.

However, what I thought to myself at the time is that being part of any solution, great or small, implies the acceptance of holding yourself to whatever standards you’re touting. The old-school terminology is being a “role model,” and being a role model means bad actors need not apply.

If I go for a walk in the neighborhood when no one else is out, or am inside my own car, those are low-intensity examples. I’ll have my mask with me, just in case it is needed. But when I’m downtown, where many more people are out and about; if my employer’s admirable sense of professionalism and conscience precluded him from reopening his pub until he could make it as safe an experience as humanly possible, then it’s incumbent on me to wear the mask.

You know, being a positive role model.

That’s been easy, because wearing a mask isn’t political unless you’ve no better way to squander misspent brain cells. It’s about courtesy and public health in an uncommon period. A mask doesn’t violate my manhood or cause me to grow wool and go “baaahh.” I don’t have a finely waxed Rollie Fingers handlebar mustache to display in the hope of causing the fairer sex to swoon. Masks are fine with me, for no other reason than a way of pitching in.

It’s true that various economic theorists of the Narcissism as Economic Dishevelment have proven wonderfully capable of deconstructing the concept of “community” completely and putting it out of existence, and yet when I look outside, that’s what I see. A community. I don’t accept the foolishness of the selfish. I trust my own two eyes, and I believe in being a good actor as opposed to a soul-sapping malignancy with skeletons in the closet.

Maybe you had a different sort of upbringing, and if so, my sincerest condolences.

---

Holcomb’s and Harris’ mask directives surely pleased the ever-calculating grandees of the Floyd County Democratic Party. If the three-percenter anti-mask jihadists run amok, Democrats can blame the Republicans. If tantrum-prone adult snowflakes suddenly get the memo and decide to mask up, the Democrats can point to their toothless city council resolution and claim to have gotten there first.

Come what may, we should try not to forget that since the pandemic shutdown was launched on March 16, municipal Democrats have controlled all levers of local governance. They have a city council majority and hold the mayor’s office. Their appointees populate every board that matters and others that don't. Seldom before has so much power been held by so few at the apex of the pyramid.

If they have no intention whatever of using this power, would they mind if I borrowed it for the weekend?

There are literally dozens of proactive measures Democrats might have implemented these past five months to address the pandemic, but apart from an early and short-lived meal subsidy for displaced restaurant workers, signage for curbside parking and city anchor sticker logos slapped crookedly on canisters of hand sanitizer produced at Starlight Distillery, very little has been said or done except for irregular social media requests for the citizenry to be nice and behave itself.

In noting these facts, I’m foregoing polemics. No, really -- I am. Go to the News and Tribune web site, perform a few simple searches, and see so for yourself. Here in New Albany, agoraphobia and detachment remain the political orders of the day, both in sickness and health.

You're advised to believe me when I say that this time around, because of the way a pandemic fundamentally changes the nature of the playing field, I thought maybe for once ... just once ... local Democrats would rally the cadres and rise to the occasion.

I thought wrong, and it’s very depressing. Lucy pulled back the football. The crickets have chirped. The sound of pins dropping is like thunder, and somewhere, a lonely mutt bays at the indignity of it all.

What's more, timidity gains the party nothing.

Come November, Donald Trump will yet again win the city, almost surely by at least a 15% margin, probably more, illustrating that quite a few theoretical “Democrats” who voted for the incumbent mayor in 2019 will (again) opt for an abominable failure of a president in 2020.

How do they sleep at night, these "democrats"? It's been eight years; still, hope springs eternal. I cling to that most faint of pulses, the one suggesting that there'll come a time when they actually remember what it means to be democratic.

---

While we’re on the topic of institutional memory, did you know that National Cognitive Dissonance Day is the oldest public holiday in the United States?

It has been running 24/7/365 since July 4, 1776 (or thereabouts), when the clever rhetorical hocus pocus contrived by wealthy slave owners and wealthy rum trade merchants working together to pontificate about human rights in theory, while acting to enshrine property rights in reality, made lasting hypocrites out of us all.

By the way, is fireworks season over yet?

---

Recent columns:

July 16: ON THE AVENUES: Daniil Kharms, Marina Malich, and writing for the drawer about nothing ... pre-Seinfeld.

July 9: ON THE AVENUES: Mask up, folks. Pints&union is coming back, and we're taking precautions.

July 5: ON THE AVENUES took a week off. Here's what I've been writing while on holiday.

June 25: ON THE AVENUES: I’m invisible, so will you stop insisting you see me?

It's all about lines of sight, isn't it?

Come to think of it, lighting up the Sherman Minton might make sense after all.

As a reminder, NA Confidential has maintained a strict neutrality about proposals to "light up" the bridge. Whether this equanimity will survive the pandemic is another question entirely, but for now it holds.

Previously:

Here's a "Light the Sherman" (Minton bridge) update.

A fact-filled letter to the city council supporting a mask ordinance, authored by Mrs. Kate Caufield.

We've been talking about this for the last two days. Doing so by no means compromises my sabbatical; after all, the topic is health, medical science and public safety.

Politics is the seasoning, not the main course.

Pandemically speaking, a mask ordinance is NECESSARY in NA, rather than a non-binding resolution. Democrats can do it, if they choose.

Our position on last weekend's proms, COVID, and YOUR malignant narcissism.

Typically toothless city council mask resolution proves that even a pandemic can't compel New Albany’s Democrats to actually GOVERN.

Following is a letter written to city council members yesterday by Kate Caufield.

---

Good afternoon, New Albany city council members!

I'm writing today to urge you to adopt a mask ordinance for the City of New Albany, when indoors or in areas where social distancing cannot be observed.

We are in a pandemic.

There are some things we know for sure about COVID-19, regardless of our personal views as to the politics of a virus (viruses aren't political and don't much care whether you attribute their existence to US politics or not, and are just happy to have a host.) We know that there are several risk factors that cause citizens to become infected more easily, more severely, and with higher mortality rates than others.

These risk factors include:

• Age
• Obesity
• Heart Conditions
• Kidney Conditions
• Type 2 Diabetes
• COPD
• Anyone immuno-compromised (cancer, etc)
• Smoking
• Asthma
• Type 1 Diabetes
• Autoimmune disorders

Source: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/need-extra-precautions/people-with-medical-conditions.html

There are many people that don't believe they are at increased risk, or that the higher risk only includes other people, but not them.

The truth is, those most at risk of the worst effects of COVID-19 aren't a small percentage of our city's residents.

34.8% of New Albanians are over 50. 
https://www.towncharts.com/Indiana/Demographics/New-Albany-city-IN-Demographics-data.html

31.4% of Hoosiers are obese, making us the 8th most obese state in the nation. https://www.newsandtribune.com/news/clark_county/indiana-s-obesity-ranking-is-8th-among-50-states/article_4eda5a8a-c816-5ca7-ba84-396cd34a2407.html

12.9% of Hoosiers have a diabetes diagnosis. 
http://main.diabetes.org/dorg/PDFs/Advocacy/burden-of-diabetes/indiana.pdf

35.2% of adults in Indiana have high blood pressure. 
https://thestacker.com/stories/4150/states-populations-most-vulnerable-covid-19

7% of the US population suffers from some autoimmune disorder. https://www.gene.com/stories/autoimmune-disease-101

21.8% of Hoosiers smoke. 
https://truthinitiative.org/research-resources/smoking-region/tobacco-use-indiana-2019

10% of Hoosiers have asthma.
https://www.cdc.gov/asthma/most_recent_data_states.htm

While I can't extrapolate the true percentage of Americans, Hoosiers, or New Albanians who are at risk, it is not a small amount and at the most cursory of glances is 30% plus.

30%+ plus of New Albanians are high risk for COVID-19.

Because of this, I am asking that we come together as a city and show empathy, compassion, and goodwill towards each other, by wearing a mask. I had certainly hoped that we could do so on our own. However, a walk through the grocery store, hardware store, or department store shows that selfishness abounds. 

Indeed, this past weekend, parents organized a social event for their children that brought in 160+ teenagers without masks and without social distancing, and with no regard to others' health- not to mention those of their families who may fall into that 30% plus with an increased risk from the virus.

Are masks effective in helping prevent COVID-19? The answer is YES. Please see this study from the University of California at San Francisco. This article provides links to several studies: https://www.ucsf.edu/news/2020/06/417906/still-confused-about-masks-heres-science-behind-how-face-masks-prevent

If a western institute of learning isn't worth your perusal, please consider this from the Mayo Clinic. MASKS ARE EFFECTIVE. 
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/coronavirus/in-depth/coronavirus-mask/art-20485449

In closing, I've provided evidence that the risk for New Albany residents is substantially higher than it appears, due to the enhanced risk factors above. 

Additionally, I've also provided evidence that masks DO WORK in the fight against COVID. Please do the right thing -- not the selfish or political thing, the RIGHT thing -- and pass a mandatory mask mandate for New Albany when one is inside or cannot social distance outside.

There's nothing wrong with adding language that calls for review at each City Council meeting, either, as we learn more.

Thank you.

Kate Caufield

Pandemically speaking, a mask ordinance is NECESSARY in NA, rather than a non-binding resolution. Democrats can do it, if they choose.

The COVID-19 pandemic is a public health issue, but because "public" means all of us and not merely some, the pandemic's ramifications affect the entire community.

Inevitably, those measures required to deal with a public health crisis of this magnitude must emanate from government as the only conceivable arbiter of the maximum protection for all citizens, not just some.

Yes, I know; public health has become political during the pandemic.

Of course it has. 

Politics is the art and practice of defining power, accumulating power and distributing power. This power is required to make sense of coordinated responses to the pandemic, and we have seen a variety of examples as how it is to be used, or not used, in this escalating situation.

There is a consensus among those trained to consider such matters that masks, while imperfect, are one simple way of restricting the transmission of the coronavirus, along with proper hygiene and social distancing.

Is simple persuasion enough to increase the proportion of purported adults wearing masks, or is something more required?

Unfortunately, no, not alone, although persuasion ultimately is best.

It is my position that New Albany's civic power structure -- ideally bipartisan, but we'll take progress any way we can -- must extract political capital from its seldom-opened wallet and spend it now, when it matters most, in an effort to mandate what simple persuasion doesn't seem to be achieving.

Democrats control the executive and legislative branches of government in New Albany, with a mayor and five council persons. That's a veto-proof majority. Democratic party power in the city is at its highest level in my lifetime.

From the redevelopment commission down to the newest employee at the street department, the vast majority of appointments and sinecures have been the result of Democratic Party patronage. None of the elected officials will be seeking re-election until 2023, and the mayor's success last year in achieving a third consecutive term while increasing his margin of victory gives him a level of power that approaches the zenith of what's ever been witnessed in this city.

Isn't it time to use some of this power?

If this power isn't to be deployed as a means of alleviating risk even to a small degree during the public health crisis of an unprecedented pandemic, when exactly is the right time to consider deploying it?

Concurrently, resolutions are piffle. Anything is better than nothing, and in our form of municipal governance, city council resolutions count for nothing, perhaps even less than nothing.

They're mere statements of intent, required here and there for legal reasons, but otherwise toothless. The coronavirus can be counted upon not to read whatever toothless resolutions this or any other city council authors.

Democrats -- c'mon, really? In political terms, this is a gift. It cannot be about waiting on a Republican governor to mandate masks statewide. It needs to be about illustrating what must be done statewide, doing it locally, and making a head start in our own city.

You have the council votes. Wait ... you DO have the council votes, don't you?

Please tell me that the Democratic Party is united on the topic of a rational, sensible response to a public health crisis, especially when the irrational, insensible response by the Trumpians is final verification of the GOP's fondness for death cults.

Talk of a resolution has been an understandable trial balloon, and a reconnoitering of the perimeter. Good work. Now ditch it, and let's get the ordinance we need for the problem we have -- and yes --  undertake to enforce it.

Even if the enforcement is ineffectual, when it comes to a pandemic something is better than nothing in terms of a response. You can do this. Really.

Here's an article from today's IndyStar, detailing the ways we're losing ground to the coronavirus statewide.

 ... One interim measure many public health experts would like to see is a statewide mask mandate.

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Four counties, including Marion, and two cities already have put such a measure in place. Increasingly evidence has shown that masks may help prevent the spread of the virus, just as data once attested to the wisdom of wearing a seat belt.

Many other states, including some led by Republican governors, already have taken this step. Two weeks ago Holcomb said he believed that Hoosiers would do the right thing, so rather than mandating masks, he unveiled a public service awareness campaign #MaskUpHoosiers, which encourages them to do so.

But many public health experts say they support a stronger message.

“A lot of times these public health mandates are needed,” said Shandy Dearth, director of the undergraduate epidemiology program at Indiana University’s Fairbanks School of Public Health. “Now is really the time to take more public health action to keep those numbers lower so we don’t have a strain on the public health system.”

Here's a breathtakingly novel thought: "We wear (a mask) for you, please wear one for us."

And this.

And this.

Three different craft brewing entities, but a central point: mask up and make it easier for them to stay in business.

Or, easier for us, right here in New Albany.

But do local operators in New Albany share a universal view of science? My guess, and it's just that -- a guess -- is the answer might surprise you.

In other news ...

Typically toothless city council mask resolution proves that even a pandemic can't compel New Albany’s Democrats to actually GOVERN.

Typically toothless city council mask resolution proves that even a pandemic can't compel New Albany’s Democrats to actually GOVERN.

Local Democrats have adhered to the Warren Nash Dictum for the past half-century. It goes like this: "Talk like a liberal, perform like a conservative."

Vote slated on resolution requesting use of face coverings in public (Suddeath; N&T)

The assumption, which to my knowledge has yet to be proven wrong, is that any genuine left/liberal-minded person in New Albany will be content with mere words, not action, and still vote Democratic; meanwhile, the Strom Thurmond Democrats -- still far too much of a thing here -- will vote Democratic for many of the city offices while happily supporting Republicans higher up the ticket.

It's just that simple.

Resolutions are always meaningless; to float one during a public health crisis, declare victory and walk away is, well, disgusting.

What's worse, everyone involves knows it, and yet they gaze at the teleprompter, play their parts, mouth their lines without a trace of conviction, and look forward to the redevelopment commission meetings because the real business of decision-making is conducted by an appointed board.

All right, self-styled progressives. Now we can kick back and wait for Republicans at the state level to take the proper response to the pandemic; we might start trying locally, but our Democrats can't be bothered to govern.

Sorry, love you guys in an ideological sense, but you're prepared to continue rewarding local Democrats for doing nothing, even during a pandemic.

Why can't you see this?

Cognitive dissonance during COVID: "Although it’s difficult, changing our minds is not impossible."

The article linked here about cognitive dissonance is short, concise and includes an interesting anecdote about the Israeli reaction to Ronald Reagan visiting Bitburg.

The pretzel logic has gotten so bizarre that earlier this afternoon, I was admonished by Democrats for being "political" when I suggested the obvious: New Albany is controlled by Democrats, and therefore we could have a mask ordinance tomorrow if the five-member Democratic majority simply voted in favor.

Cognitive dissonance?

You bet. It also just might be true that losing your mind is easier when you didn't have one to begin with.


The Role of Cognitive Dissonance in the Pandemic, by Elliot Aronson and Carol Tavris (The Atlantic)

The minute we make any decision—I think COVID-19 is serious; no, I’m sure it is a hoax—we begin to justify the wisdom of our choice and find reasons to dismiss the alternative.

Members of Heaven’s Gate, a religious cult, believed that as the Hale-Bopp comet passed by Earth in 1997, a spaceship would be traveling in its wake—ready to take true believers aboard. Several members of the group bought an expensive, high-powered telescope so that they might get a clearer view of the comet. They quickly brought it back and asked for a refund. When the manager asked why, they complained that the telescope was defective, that it didn’t show the spaceship following the comet. A short time later, believing that they would be rescued once they had shed their “earthly containers” (their bodies), all 39 members killed themselves.

Heaven’s Gate followers had a tragically misguided conviction, but it is an example, albeit extreme, of cognitive dissonance, the motivational mechanism that underlies the reluctance to admit mistakes or accept scientific findings—even when those findings can save our lives. This dynamic is playing out during the pandemic among the many people who refuse to wear masks or practice social distancing. Human beings are deeply unwilling to change their minds. And when the facts clash with their preexisting convictions, some people would sooner jeopardize their health and everyone else’s than accept new information or admit to being wrong.

Cognitive dissonance, coined by Leon Festinger in the 1950s, describes the discomfort people feel when two cognitions, or a cognition and a behavior, contradict each other. I smoke is dissonant with the knowledge that Smoking can kill me. To reduce that dissonance, the smoker must either quit—or justify smoking (“It keeps me thin, and being overweight is a health risk too, you know”). At its core, Festinger’s theory is about how people strive to make sense out of contradictory ideas and lead lives that are, at least in their own minds, consistent and meaningful.

One of us (Aronson), who was a protégé of Festinger in the mid-’50s, advanced cognitive-dissonance theory by demonstrating the powerful, yet nonobvious, role it plays when the concept of self is involved. Dissonance is most painful when evidence strikes at the heart of how we see ourselves—when it threatens our belief that we are kind, ethical, competent, or smart. The minute we make any decision—I’ll buy this car; I will vote for this candidate; I think COVID-19 is serious; no, I’m sure it is a hoax—we will begin to justify the wisdom of our choice and find reasons to dismiss the alternative. Before long, any ambivalence we might have felt at the time of the original decision will have morphed into certainty. As people justify each step taken after the original decision, they will find it harder to admit they were wrong at the outset. Especially when the end result proves self-defeating, wrongheaded, or harmful.

The theory inspired more than 3,000 experiments that have transformed psychologists’ understanding of how the human mind works. One of Aronson’s most famous experiments showed that people who had to go through an unpleasant, embarrassing process in order to be admitted to a discussion group (designed to consist of boring, pompous participants) later reported liking that group far better than those who were allowed to join after putting in little or no effort. Going through hell and high water to attain something that turns out to be boring, vexatious, or a waste of time creates dissonance: I’m smart, so how did I end up in this stupid group? To reduce that dissonance, participants unconsciously focused on whatever might be good or interesting about the group and blinded themselves to its prominent negatives. The people who did not work hard to get into the group could more easily see the truth—how boring it was. Because they had very little investment in joining, they had very little dissonance to reduce.

The term cognitive dissonance has since escaped the laboratory and is found everywhere—from op-eds and movie reviews to humor columns (as in The New Yorker’s “Cognitive Dissonances I’m Comfortable With”). But few people fully appreciate the mechanism’s enormous motivational power—and the lengths people go to in order to reduce its discomfort.

For example, when people feel a strong connection to a political party, leader, ideology, or belief, they are more likely to let that allegiance do their thinking for them and distort or ignore the evidence that challenges those loyalties. The social psychologist Lee Ross, in laboratory experiments designed to find ways to reduce the bitter conflict between Israelis and Palestinians, took peace proposals created by Israeli negotiators, labeled them as Palestinian proposals, and asked Israeli citizens to judge them. “The Israelis liked the Palestinian proposal attributed to Israel more than they liked the Israeli proposal attributed to the Palestinians,” he told us. “If your own proposal isn’t going to be attractive to you when it comes from the other side, what chance is there that the other side’s proposal is going to be attractive when it actually comes from the other side?”

Because of the intense polarization in our country, a great many Americans now see the life-and-death decisions of the coronavirus as political choices rather than medical ones. In the absence of a unifying narrative and competent national leadership, Americans have to choose who to believe as they make decisions about how to live: the scientists and the public-health experts, whose advice will necessarily change as they learn more about the virus, treatment, and risks? Or President Donald Trump and his acolytes, who suggest that masks and social distancing are unnecessary or “optional”?

The cognition I want to go back to work or I want to go to my favorite bar to hang out with my friends is dissonant with any information that suggests these actions might be dangerous—if not to individuals themselves, then to others with whom they interact.

How to resolve this dissonance? People could avoid the crowds, parties, and bars and wear a mask. Or they could jump back into their former ways. But to preserve their belief that they are smart and competent and would never do anything foolish to risk their lives, they will need some self-justifications: Claim that masks impair their breathing, deny that the pandemic is serious, or protest that their “freedom” to do what they want is paramount. “You’re removing our freedoms and stomping on our constitutional rights by these Communist-dictatorship orders,” a woman at a Palm Beach County commissioners’ hearing said. “Masks are literally killing people,” said another. South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem, referring to masks and any other government interventions, said, “More freedom, not more government, is the answer.” Vice President Mike Pence added his own justification for encouraging people to gather in unsafe crowds for a Trump rally: “The right to peacefully assemble is enshrined in the First Amendment of the Constitution.”

Today, as we confront the many unknowns of the coronavirus pandemic, all of us are facing desperately difficult decisions. When is it safe to get back to work? When can I reopen my business? When can I see friends and co-workers, start a new love affair, travel? What level of risk am I prepared to tolerate? The way we answer these questions has momentous implications for our health as individuals and for the health of our communities. Even more important, and far less obvious, is that because of the unconscious motivation to reduce dissonance, the way we answer these questions has repercussions for how we behave after making our initial decision. Will we be flexible, or will we keep reducing dissonance by insisting that our earliest decisions were right?

Although it’s difficult, changing our minds is not impossible. The challenge is to find a way to live with uncertainty, make the most informed decisions we can, and modify them when the scientific evidence dictates—as our leading researchers are already doing. Admitting we were wrong requires some self-reflection—which involves living with the dissonance for a while rather than jumping immediately to a self-justification.

Understanding how dissonance operates reveals a few practical lessons for overcoming it, starting by examining the two dissonant cognitions and keeping them separate. We call this the “Shimon Peres solution.” Peres, Israel’s former prime minister, was angered by his friend Ronald Reagan’s disastrous official visit to a cemetery in Bitburg, Germany, where members of the Waffen SS were buried. When asked how he felt about Reagan’s decision to go there, Peres could have reduced dissonance in one of the two most common ways: thrown out the friendship or minimized the seriousness of the friend’s action. He did neither. “When a friend makes a mistake,” he said, “the friend remains a friend, and the mistake remains a mistake.” Peres’s message conveys the importance of staying with the dissonance, avoiding easy knee-jerk responses, and asking ourselves, Why am I believing this? Why am I behaving this way? Have I thought it through or am I simply taking a short cut, following the party line, or justifying the effort I put in to join the group?

Dissonance theory also teaches us why changing your brother-in-law’s political opinions is so hard, if not impossible—especially if he has thrown time, money, effort, and his vote at them. (He can’t change yours either, can he?) But if you want to try, don’t say the equivalent of “What are you thinking by not wearing a mask?” That message implies “How could you be so stupid?” and will immediately create dissonance (I’m smart versus You say I’m doing something stupid), making him almost certainly respond with defensiveness and a hardening of the belief (I was thinking how smart I am, that’s what, and masks are useless anyway). However, your brother-in-law may be more amenable to messages from others who share his party loyalty but who have changed their mind, such as the growing number of prominent Republicans now wearing masks. Senator Lamar Alexander from Tennessee said, “Unfortunately, this simple, lifesaving practice has become part of a political debate that says: If you’re for Trump, you don’t wear a mask; if you’re against Trump, you do... The stakes are much too high for that.”

This nasty, mysterious virus will require us all to change our minds as scientists learn more, and we may have to give up some practices and beliefs about it that we now feel sure of. The alternative will be to double down, ignore the error, and wait, as Trump is waiting, for the “miracle” of the virus disappearing.

Pints&union begins to reopen today, 4 to midnight. Mask up or miss out.

Pints&union is slowly reopening for dine-in service. We're also still doing curbside (menu here).

There was a small, invitation-only "soft" evening on Friday, and the general public can return as of today at 4:00 p.m.

Two things for the moment, understanding that as we move forward, there likely will be much adaptation.

First up, Nick Vaughn reports on the Friday night vibe.

Tastes, Sights, and Sounds from Pints' Reopening, by Nick Vaughn (The Aggregate)

Pints&union hosted their soft reopening on Friday, July 10th from 4 - 10 PM. While the full menu and draft list were familiar, Pints' reopening also came with new COVID-19 precautions to ensure the safety of patrons.

My good friend (and Best Man in my upcoming wedding) Andrew and I were lucky enough to be invited to the soft reopening. We both were ecstatic and extremely grateful for the invitation. It had been quite some time since we last sat at the bar and enjoyed the unique tastes, sights, and sounds that Pints has to offer ...

Second, because you may not have seen this passage within my ON THE AVENUES column Thursday ...

ON THE AVENUES: Mask up, folks. Pints&union is coming back, and we're taking precautions.

... our new general manager Steven Cavanaugh explains how this new and evolving era is going to begin.

Most importantly: Masks will be REQUIRED to enter Pints&union, to order at the bar, and to move about the pub. Essentially anytime you’ll be away from your table, we’ll require a mask to be worn.

---

PINTS & UNION REOPENING OUTLINE

Pints & union will be reopening to the public on Saturday, July 11th at 4:00 p.m.

While the charity work we’ve been able to accomplish in the time our doors have been closed has been some of the most rewarding and transformative experiences of our lives, we could not be more excited to welcome our guests back into the Public House you’ve come to know and love in our nearly two years of operation.

This being said, there are a few new procedures to be aware of that we’re implementing to ensure the highest level of safety for our guests and for our staff as possible.

For starters, masks will be REQUIRED to enter the building, to order at the bar, and to move about the pub. Essentially anytime you’ll be away from your table, we’ll require a mask to be worn.

Being a public house, we and all who enter have a duty to do our part in helping keep the public safe. We’ll be doing a temperature screen and taking information from one person in each party for contract tracing purposes. We’ll be self-imposing some capacity restrictions that go a bit further than the state currently allows by properly distancing all tables and bar stools, as well as prohibiting any standing-room-only areas.

Our neighbors at The Root have been kind enough to let us use their patio for dinner service from 5 to 10 PM on the weekends as an extension of our small outdoor seating area to help combat the capacity issue.

All tables will have a “drop zone” where fresh food will be placed by our staff and dirty dishes can be placed by guests for our team to pick up. We’ll have bottles of sanitizer provided by Starlight Distillery at each table for guests to use while they’re here, and are taking several other behind-the-scenes precautions such as air purifiers, ionizers in our AC unit, and new ceiling fans to constantly clean and circulate fresh air.

The whole team is beyond exciting to get our doors open again and see some familiar, albeit masked, faces! We’ve got a new dinner menu to show off as well as some incredible stories to tell behind some of our new products. We’ll see you all soon!

---

Let's close with this latter to the editor of The Journal, coverage area southeastern Colorado near the Four Corners. Says it all, in my view.

No shoes, no shirt, no mask, no service

Colorado has many laws and regulations to protect the public. Since 1997, vehicles must have proof of liability insurance. I can find no evidence of serious protest about this law.

It is a state law that motorcycle riders under age 18 must wear helmets. There was much protest about universal helmet laws; this was the compromise.

“No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” was a response by businesses in the 1960s and 1970s to keep long-haired hippies out of stores and restaurants. 

There are no federal or state laws to this effect. However, there are laws that allow businesses to make their own regulations. This phrase has become an accepted norm. No contagion results from disobeying these examples.

If I am parked next to your car that has no proof of insurance, I am not exposing you or being exposed to anything lethal. If you pass me riding your motorcycle without a helmet, your exposure to harm is greater than mine.

Until January this year, we gave little thought to “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service.” Scientific information says wearing masks can keep you and me from being exposed to COVID-19. Businesses can initiate this as a regulation.

Common sense suggests that If there is no choice, we will wear masks. We all will be safer if businesses work together to make “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Masks, No Service ” the norm in Montezuma County.

MB McAfee, Lewis

ON THE AVENUES: Mask up, folks. Pints&union is coming back, and we're taking precautions.

I'm sharing column space this week with sentences written by two others, so let's get started.

Pints&union is coming back, although to be specific, we never really went away. Owner Joe Phillips explains this in the current issue of Edible Kentucky & Southern Indiana.

When the COVID-19 quarantine shut down local restaurants in March, we were devastated and silent. We all knew it was coming, but to know it’s knocking at your door is a very different reality than watching others face it on social media or television. We were shell-shocked for two days—then realized we needed to get back to work, somehow.

Knowing our perishable food would go bad, we donated it to our workers who were suddenly out of work. We needed a sense of purpose; we needed to give back to the workers who have been providing hospitality to our communities every day for years.

Chef Edward Lee and Lindsey Ofcacek, founders of the LEE Initiative, gave us that opportunity with the Restaurant Workers Relief Program. Thanks to a donation from Maker’s Mark Distillery, we gathered essential household items and served hot meals to feed laid off restaurant workers and their families every day. There are no words to fully describe what it felt like to experience the gratitude of the many service workers who received support and love during this scary time.

With additional donations, we joined forces with 610 Magnolia, Lee’s flagship Louisville restaurant, to serve Louisville industry workers while still keeping tabs on the people we served in New Albany, Indiana. The streets were empty but our hearts were full, serving over 200 people per week. The program expanded to 18 other cities in the U.S., providing over 275,000 meals.

Moving forward, we are working with the LEE Initiative’s Restaurant Reboot Relief Program, a $1 million commitment to purchase produce from local farmers for restaurants to create more sustainable food supply chains. Restaurants that have hosted restaurant-worker relief centers will receive the food and help select other local restaurants to participate.

This remains a trying time for all of us. I have witnessed firsthand amazing beauty from great loss. I have seen open doors and hearts, open minds and people united for a greater sense of purpose. We look forward to enduring this time, coming out stronger together.

Joe also threw himself into helping others in West Louisville when the Black Lives Matter protests began, although this is another story for a different time.

You should know that I’m proud to be working for a man who hasn't once denied science during a pandemic, complained about financial misfortune, dismissed the importance of civil rights for fear of alienating antebellum mouth-breathers, or minimized the all-purpose societal challenges we're facing at this juncture.

As I've said before, Joe just lowers his head and runs in the direction of the fire. It’s too bad not every downtown dining and drinking establishment's owner can say the same … but alas, I digress.

---

Our new general manager at Pints&union is Steven Cavanaugh, a resident of New Albany who recently concluded a long, productive stint running the Garage Bar in NuLu.

Steven wrote this outline of what we’ll be doing for the safety of our customers and ourselves when the doors reopen to the public on Saturday.

PINTS & UNION REOPENING OUTLINE

Pints & union will be reopening to the public on Saturday, July 11th at 5:00 p.m.

While the charity work we’ve been able to accomplish in the time our doors have been closed has been some of the most rewarding and transformative experiences of our lives, we could not be more excited to welcome our guests back into the Public House you’ve come to know and love in our nearly two years of operation.

This being said, there are a few new procedures to be aware of that we’re implementing to ensure the highest level of safety for our guests and for our staff as possible.

For starters, masks will be REQUIRED to enter the building, to order at the bar, and to move about the pub. Essentially anytime you’ll be away from your table, we’ll require a mask to be worn.

Being a public house, we and all who enter have a duty to do our part in helping keep the public safe. We’ll be doing a temperature screen and taking information from one person in each party for contract tracing purposes. We’ll be self-imposing some capacity restrictions that go a bit further than the state currently allows by properly distancing all tables and bar stools, as well as prohibiting any standing-room-only areas.

Our neighbors at The Root have been kind enough to let us use their patio for dinner service from 5 to 10 PM on the weekends as an extension of our small outdoor seating area to help combat the capacity issue.

All tables will have a “drop zone” where fresh food will be placed by our staff and dirty dishes can be placed by guests for our team to pick up. We’ll have bottles of sanitizer provided by Starlight Distillery at each table for guests to use while they’re here, and are taking several other behind-the-scenes precautions such as air purifiers, ionizers in our AC unit, and new ceiling fans to constantly clean and circulate fresh air.

The whole team is beyond exciting to get our doors open again and see some familiar, albeit masked, faces! We’ve got a new dinner menu to show off as well as some incredible stories to tell behind some of our new products. We’ll see you all soon!

One point in the preceding merits emphasis:

“Masks will be REQUIRED to enter the building, to order at the bar, and to move about the pub. Essentially anytime you’ll be away from your table, we’ll require a mask to be worn. Being a public house, we and all who enter have a duty to do our part in helping keep the public safe.”

Here's the best sign I've seen on the topic of masks, as produced by a Twitter friend; it's posted at Chicago Bagel Authority on Belmont Avenue in that toddlin' town.

Now to my column stanzas.

---

I suspect that our American cultural preference to emphasize mind-numbling ignorance about the wider world doesn’t manage to produce rebellious Francophiles in quite the way we used to, but there was a time when they indeed roamed the earth.

And so let’s imagine an American man of late middle age, living in Louisville, or perhaps even Southern Indiana, who is enamored of all things French, especially the city of Paris, to him the exemplar of culture, modernity … and yes, all-purpose éclat.

The year is 1939, and the leaves have fallen. Owing to a modest inheritance and toothsome work habits, our Francophile friend -- can we refer to him as Frank? -- has long been able to indulge his love of France through visits every other year. It's not France alone for Frank, who has embraced the classic “grand tour” notion of examining Western European haunts. He usually spends time in non-Parisian locales during his trips.

Still, French terroir is Frank's first and most abiding love.

Frank is looking forward to the year 1940; April in Paris, after all. In fact, he has booked passage to France well in advance for the spring of 1940, sailing on the French Line (the Compagnie Générale Maritime) from New York City to Le Havre, where the trains depart for Paris.

However, storm clouds are gathering. War in Europe is all but certain. Transatlantic passages are starting to dwindle, yet Frank persists, because these trips to France are life itself to him, and the sustenance for coping with the philistinism in FDR’s increasingly socialist America, from which he simply must escape every now and then to a place where they do things correctly.

Unfortunately our Frank is a Republican.

Calendar pages turn, and as Frank’s holiday in France draws ever nearer, he finally gets cold feet. Friends, family and the American government conspire to issue unassailable warnings about the potentially dangerous situation across the pond. As a frequent traveler, Frank wangles a postponement with only the minimum in penalties. He’ll sail instead in 1941, after the inclement geopolitical weather blows over.

And so, on cue, the Germans invade France in the spring of 1940, quickly overwhelming the French and capturing Paris. World War II ensues, by any measure the most destructive war in human history.

It will be 1946 before Frank is able to return to Paris. In the interim, he lives his life correctly. Frank purchases war bonds, maintains a Victory Garden, volunteers for useful wartime homefront duties, reads the library's collection of French novels in translation at least twice each, and burns through multiple phonograph needles listening to the 1941 hit song that always brings his hankie out.

But then it's 1946, and Frank at long last sees Paris again, finding himself seated within the familiar confines of Harry’s New York Bar at 5 Rue Daunou – Sank Roo Doe Noo – with a Bloody Mary in one hand and a Havana in the other, daydreams of his heroes Ernest Hemingway, George Gershwin and Jack Dempsey swirling through the battered touring cap on his simply delighted, albeit far grayer head.

It doesn’t seem to Frank like it has been eight years. He's happy to be back, and the feeling is intensified by gratitude, because beating the damned evil Nazis proved to be a collective accomplishment far outweighing his own selfish desires. Hell, even that filthy communist Uncle Joe Stalin helped us out.

Moulin Rouge, here Frank comes.

---

Returning from the realm of fiction to the present day, we’re experiencing a global pandemic, and Europe is closed to Americans because so many of my countrymen exist in a stuporous state of anti-scientific, fruit-loops-grade denial of medical reality, prattling endlessly about their "rights" while burying their heads in the alluvial mud at the slightest suggestion of responsibilities.

Yes, I won't be going to Europe any time soon, and it bothered me at first like it bothered Frank back in 1940, but the constructive way I propose to deal with it is to accept the nature of the threat and react sensibly to it, correctly even, such that a semblance of good might come about.

I'm wearing a facemask in public, practicing social (physical) distancing to the best of my ability, washing my hands often, practicing good hygiene overall, and being as much a part of the solution as I can possibly be, as opposed to being another brick in the wall of problematic narcissism.

At the present time, it is my earnest hope that in 2021 my aching feet again will be transported to European soil. As always, upon arrival, whether it’s next year or five more afterward, I’ll kiss the ground, sob tears of joy and thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for my good fortune to be able to enjoy a brief respite from other Americans.

Until then, whatever it takes. I’ll do my part to deal with COVID-19. You should consider doing yours, too, and those of you who are being proud, stupid and plainly anti-social about it -- sorry, not sorry, but you're making it worse for everyone.

---

Recent columns:

July 5: ON THE AVENUES took a week off. Here's what I've been writing while on holiday.

June 25: ON THE AVENUES: I’m invisible, so will you stop insisting you see me?

June 18: ON THE AVENUES: Anything except common, that Kentucky Common.

June 11: ON THE AVENUES: Some enchanted evening, you may see a stranger.