Did you do this, doofus? Surrender your commercial driving license immediately.

Prior to Monday, I'd have found it hard to believe that a truck could come this close to felling the huge concrete building guard in the alley by Pints&union. It appears that American dipshit slapdash ingenuity has triumphed, because someone found a way.

In the process, more than a few gallons of oily liquid were spilled all over the alley, to be tracked up and down the sidewalk and into our building. We notified 3rd district councilman Phipps, who passed the information to the street department, and we'll see. The concrete is compromised and will have to be repaired, having done its duty admirably.

My guess? The company that services our used kitchen oil collector. Their phone number is right there on the collection vessel in the alley -- just in case the police launch an investigation.

Following up: Kudos to the city for the cleanup.

I'm told the city dispatched a crew to pack away the garbage and construction debris from the alley behind Pints&union, and they're to be thanked for doing so -- as is the health department for coming yesterday to have a look.

This has happened before, and it almost certainly will occur again. All we can hope for is that the city gets serious with the violators.

Why we can't have nice things, Volume 467 (illegal alley dumping edition).

As it appeared yesterday morning.

Why we can't have nice things, Volume 467 (illegal alley dumping edition).

This latest example of alleyway dumping within a few feet of Pints&union's back door obviously is not acceptable. These piles of interior remodeling debris and just plain garbage have been there for at least ten days. Ordinance enforcement had a glance at it last week; the health department stopped by earlier today.

For many years this alley was considered a penalty-free dumping ground by all manner of individuals and businesses, from both near and far. I'm hoping that this time, there'll be some means of enforcement.

Fingers crossed.

Big thanks to the New Albany Street Department for cleaning the P&u alley.

To repeat: Hearty thanks to the New Albany Street Department for giving the P&u alley a good cleaning.

Regular readers will recall that we had an unsightly dumping issue in this alley just before the Thanksgiving holiday.

Dumping in alleys is another reason why we can't have nice things.

The garbage, furniture and all-purpose mess that had been piled up against Stephen Beardsley's properties on the east side of the alley stayed right there, moldering, until the high-traffic holiday weekend was over, a period that included the Saturday of Jingle Walk.

The timing couldn't have been worse. Only after the Thanksgiving weekend had concluded, very early on the following Monday morning, did much (though not all) of the trash get hauled away. We're not sure who to thank for this.

However, before it was collected, I put on a pair of work gloves and sifted through the debris, sleuthing. It will suffice to say that the origins of the nastiness were obvious.

That's all I'll say -- for now.

Gradually the falling leaves and waste materials started piling up again. Joe called the Street Department, and workers policed the area today before lunch. It looks great, and kudos to the crew. We really appreciate their efforts.

As noted earlier in the week, changes are being made in the vicinity.

The Root coworking space begins as a previously neglected half-block emerges.

Things are different now, and I'm hoping that past behaviors are subject to modification. We're doing what we can to keep the alley tidy, and we have our own dedicated dumpster.

That's a hint.

Dumping in alleys is another reason why we can't have nice things.

We've been open at Pints&union since August, and I've lost count of the number of times garbage has been dumped in the alley to the left of our front door. Kudos to the city's ordinance enforcement guys, who were there bright and early this morning to take a look. I'm no fan of surveillance cameras from a civil liberties perspective, but this ongoing issue suggests an exception might be due.

Check out the new additions to downtown alleyway beautification.

Previously:

Learn more about alley beautification during Nominally New Albany week at the 'Bama newspaper.

Dugout has departed to personally steward Dear Leader's transformative public housing demolition plans, but our alleys ... they will be great again.

ASK THE BORED: Falling bricks and rising scaffolds at 218 Pearl Street, once the F. W. Woolworth Co. Building.

Last week the esteemed Bored met on Wednesday, July 5, presumably having partied through the July 3 and 4 vacation days.

Well, I certainly did.

There was a retroactive explanation from the Bored for mysterious alley scaffolding that appeared earlier, in June.

Currently owned by Todd "Classic Furniture" Coleman, the building at 218 - 220 Pearl Street has been dubbed the F. W. Woolworth Co. Building by the New Albany Historic Preservation Commission.

December 2016 Google view.

This was the first New Albany location of retail giant F.W. Woolworth Company. Woolworth's arrived in New Albany around 1913, and located its ever-popular 5 & 10 Cent store in the south side of this building. By 1919, Woolworth's had expanded into the north half of the building, and was setting sales records for Indiana stores. The first Woolworth's Cafeteria in the nation was started on the second floor of 220 Pearl around 1923, by Miss Mildred Sinex. In 1931, Woolworth's moved its store and cafeteria to the northwest corner of Pearl and Market streets. Karl Fenger Hardware, Steiden Grocery Store, and Winn-Dixie Supermarket all occupied the building for a period of time over the next 20 years. From the late 1950s through the early 1970s, the building became home to the popular Walter Kahn Department Store, home of the latest women's fashions.

More recently, it has been occupied on the ground floor by an interior designer doing business as MESH (home decor).

As a footnote, bricks with a tendency to fall from the building's rear alley side (and occasionally from the front) were first mentioned at NAC in 2009 and 2010, during England III.

Here's the alley scaffolding view from June, 2017.

In an effort to grasp why this, and why now, recall a fond and favored quality-of-life project of the dearly departed redevelopment commission's Commandante Duggins, who now has been moved out of harm's way to Future Gahan Luxury Housing.

Dugout's alley coolification is currently under way.

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Placemaking and the gentle art of nixing community stakeholders when applying lipstick to an alley.

Of course, dozens of city streets remain inadequately illuminated on a daily basis, which does nothing to enhance public safety, but I digress. It would be useful if either David Duggins or the newspaper explained what is meant by "more of a place" in the context of gentrifying an alley, and because neither has done so, this week's word is placemaking.

In conjunction with decorative dumpsters, in March our City Hall announced a bold new facade grant program cheerfully funded (partially, at least) from Horseshoe's coffers. The 75-25 public/private facade improvement description reads as if to precisely describe the flagship Schmitt Furniture and Classic Furniture buildings, which no doubt are the program's targets, though the largess might be spread elsewhere, too.

City Hall describes the four major projects to be funded (in part?) through the Horseshoe Foundation's $5 million gift.

New Albany has a plethora of beautiful, historic buildings in its downtown. Unfortunately, over the years, some of these buildings have had windows shuttered and closed off, original brick walls painted over, and historic character lost. Some buildings have even been painted together to appear as one structure. This project will seek to revitalize, refurbish, and redevelop buildings and facades in the downtown area, reinvigorating these historic structures to their original historic look, including improved windows and uncovered original brickwork.

Finally, the White House has been renovated on the north side of 218 Pearl, and MESA on the south. Across the street, two separate building rehabs are under way. The Merchants Bank on the corner of Pearl and Main seems to be next for an upgrade.

In some combination, elements of the preceding probably explain the alley scaffolding. If the city had a communications director, I'd ask him, but it's doubtful he'd return the phone call, so ...

Learn more about alley beautification during Nominally New Albany week at the 'Bama newspaper.

As elections in 2018 and 2019 draw ever closer, we'll be seeing a radical expansion of Jeff Gahan's cult of personality.

Nicolae and Elena Ceausescu were poorly educated peasants. As power was consolidated, they set about accumulating wealth and luxury far beyond the standard of living in their country, but moreover, they deified themselves, most conspicuously in pretending to be scholars they weren't.

Minions were paid to praise the Ceausescus, and the Ceausescus believed every word of the press clippings.

Dugout has departed to personally steward Dear Leader's transformative public housing demolition plans, but our alleys ... they will be great again.

Don't worry, Democrats.

Jeffrey is so very one of you.

Work begins on transforming New Albany alley, by Danielle Grady (All Things Clark County)

NEW ALBANY — Work began this week on turning a typical New Albany alleyway into a more welcoming place.

In December, the New Albany Board of Works approved a construction bid of $52,733 from LATCO Selby House in Sellersburg to repave, light and paint murals onto the walls of an alley that runs parallel to Bank Street from Spring to Main streets.

Recently, workers have started stringing the decorative drop lighting that will illuminate the now-dark alley.

Is it the Onion? News and Tribune? NA Confidential? Nah, it's just a Duggins-ism, 'cuz "New Albany approves bid to transform alley into 'more of a place.'"

It's getting creepy surreal, for real. 

Make no mistake: We're honored to have been the source of this idea (June of 2915, below), along with the inimitable David Thrasher, and even if neither of us will be getting a plaque.

Thrasher deserves all the credit, eh?

There's just one lingering question. Given the impact of a typical Ohio Valley summer's night, is covering those dumpsters going to be enough?

Wait -- we already asked this question, a year and a half ago. We like being prescient, especially when they don't know what the word means.

---

June 12, 2015
Seattle alleys, New Albany street pianos and the overdue purging of bureaucrats.

Photo credit: Hannegan Roseberry at Fb

I generally advocate thinking outside our self-imposed civic boxes, because New Albany has far too many of them, stacked somewhere out in the garage, creased and dusty, and filled with hoary rationales for non-activity that we've forgotten even exist.

We also have many suitable alleys, as outlined in is adaptive reuse saga from Seattle.

Seattle's Future Alleys Look Like Paradise, by John Metcalfe (City Lab)

When you peer into a downtown Seattle alley, you might see rats and people sleeping in dumpsters. That could change, however, as the city plans to turn some of these airless holes into charming, plant-filled utopias.

Against all odds, New Albany has a thriving restaurant and bar culture to consider, and consequently, while excitedly reading about alley renovations in Seattle -- and recalling the many "hidden" infrastructure places we possess in addition to these -- one sensation kept coming back to me.

Namely, the smell of dumpsters behind restaurants in a red-hot, humid Indiana summer. However, using spaces, making places ... I support the idea, and the possibilities are endless. In fact, apart from alleyways, we could do so much better here, and the first step simply must be liberating ourselves from thinking that the usual suspects and their same "officially" accredited agencies, commissions and political entities possess a monopoly on creativity.

They don't, and all too often they stifle grassroots artistic expression, placemaking and neighborhood revitalization.

As Hannegan Roseberry's experience with our gatekeepers at the Board of Works earlier this week illustrates, the cultural asphyxiation starts at the very top. Hannegan had an idea, and the bored's political appointees could barely stifle their yawns while flashing the usual reply: "It's not an option."

 ... Now, you may be wondering what this surely controversial project must be, considering the absolute breakdown of communication and complete avoidance it inspired: A street piano, painted brightly by teenage artists, sitting out on the street for all passersby to enjoy and experience. I know, contain your gasps of horror; the audacity of this citizen, to think she could so arrogantly prep a whimsical and creative project such as this and terrorize the streets of New Albany.

In all seriousness, my goal is to shed light on a far more concerning challenge than the fun and frivolity of a street piano: The piano is really beside the point.

New Albany must make government more accessible. It is absolutely inexcusable that a citizen with an idea and a passion for her community could be so absolutely and completely led in circles, shut out and shut down.

Tuesday mornings, 10 a.m. It's in need of a dose of glasnost.

Look it up, Warren.

Infuriated by artsy fartsy alley proposals and skulldugginsry, Irv vows to form new nin-com-PAC: "Alleyways for 18-Wheelers."

It was November 29, not July 4, but low-grade, Chinese-made fireworks flew at Tuesday's meeting of the Bored with Public Works and Safety, as City Hall revealed hitherto top-secret plans for top-down changes to two neglected downtown alleyways.

The News and Tribune's steno-of-the-day was on hand to merrily chisel the boilerplate.

At this morning’s Board of Public Works and Safety meeting, the Board accepted an agreement between the City of New Albany and Michell Timperman Ritz Architects for improvements to the alley that runs from Spring Street to Main Street.

The alley and surrounding area currently has a few murals painted by local artists, and the City wants to expand on this idea and transform the alley into an inviting and distinct pedestrian pathway. Planned improvements include drop lighting, murals, sculpture pads, planter boxes, and resurfaced decorative pavement. The City of New Albany is partnering with Develop New Albany and the New Albany Floyd County Schools Art Department on this exciting project.

Amid the random shuffling yawns of meeting attendees, one member of the public rose to denounce the proposed changes in the most strident and unyielding of terms.

"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder," thundered Irv Stumler, an advocate of heavy industry who resides in a neighborhood (Silver Hills) where heavy industry is prohibited.

"If people can't afford cars and insist on walking, there's a place for that," said Stumler. "It's called the sidewalk. Everyone except Jeff Gahan knows that alleys are meant to be filthy, dangerous places where our heroic trucking fleets unload things."

According to Stumler, "gussied-up" alleys will result in the displacement of dumpsters, with potentially tragic consequences.

"You see where these dumpsters will be moved to, don't you? Right there, out on the street corner, where my combination flower urn ashtrays used to be. Coincidence? I think not ... and what happens when a monster rig with so much erotic horsepower you don't even need Viagra comes to one of these newfangled two-way intersections and hits the dumpster making a turn?"

After the nice men from Placid Acres Care Village had finished tidying up, the meeting resumed.

"I'm disappointed that we can't spend even more money on this project," stated David Duggins, the city's economic dishevelment director.

"Unfortunately, our campaign finance sluices just won't fit in tight spaces, and fortunately the architect is willing to work with us, so we divert as much as possible, call it good, and throw back a few ice cold Bud Light Limes."

Duggins, recently appointed by Mayor Jeff Gahan to the new position of Artistic Allegiance Arbiter (AAA), stated that designs for the alleyway decorations and murals are being left to the imagination of participating students, with one key exception.

"We really need to have this one on a wall somewhere," said Duggins, who pulled a torn and frayed sketch from his wallet.

"Sorry about the stains," added Duggins. "We were scoping it out over lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings."

The project's conceptual designer praised the city's decision to relentlessly channel artistic expression through the vise-like grip of usual suspects like his firm.

"With this municipal contract, we've topped this year's fundraising goal, and not a moment to soon," commented an anonymous spokesman for Michell Timperman Ritz Architects, who remarked "I can see the future, and it's located on the slopes in Aspen. God, but I do love Fat Tire."

Prior to the bored's rote approval, the city's ruling hologram offered more of the same, authored by another, emitted from a blue screen unfurled over in the corner by the last remaining wall socket.

“This project will not only enhance the safety of this corridor, but will add another unique and inviting pathway for pedestrians in our downtown,” stated Mayor Jeff Gahan. “I’m thrilled that Develop New Albany and the New Albany-Floyd County Schools Art Department have chosen to partner with us on this downtown improvement.”

Irv Stumler aghast at the prospect of "A New Life for Urban Alleys."

Irv Stumler dozed off and dreamed of artists painting alley walls. He woke up in a cold sweat.

How can Padgett's erectiles navigate high-speed, one-way alleys when people are standing there gawking at ART?

A New Life for Urban Alleys, by Eillie Anzilotti (City Lab)

Once blighted and overlooked, these small streets are transforming into community and sustainability hotspots.

David Thrasher's alley cats and blockheads.

Paint.

It's the future,

Seattle alleys, New Albany street pianos and the overdue purging of bureaucrats.

Photo credit: Hannegan Roseberry at Fb

I generally advocate thinking outside our self-imposed civic boxes, because New Albany has far too many of them, stacked somewhere out in the garage, creased and dusty, and filled with hoary rationales for non-activity that we've forgotten even exist.

We also have many suitable alleys, as outlined in is adaptive reuse saga from Seattle.

Seattle's Future Alleys Look Like Paradise, by John Metcalfe (City Lab)

When you peer into a downtown Seattle alley, you might see rats and people sleeping in dumpsters. That could change, however, as the city plans to turn some of these airless holes into charming, plant-filled utopias.

Against all odds, New Albany has a thriving restaurant and bar culture to consider, and consequently, while excitedly reading about alley renovations in Seattle -- and recalling the many "hidden" infrastructure places we possess in addition to these -- one sensation kept coming back to me.

Namely, the smell of dumpsters behind restaurants in a red-hot, humid Indiana summer. However, using spaces, making places ... I support the idea, and the possibilities are endless. In fact, apart from alleyways, we could do so much better here, and the first step simply must be liberating ourselves from thinking that the usual suspects and their same "officially" accredited agencies, commissions and political entities possess a monopoly on creativity.

They don't, and all too often they stifle grassroots artistic expression, placemaking and neighborhood revitalization.

As Hannegan Roseberry's experience with our gatekeepers at the Board of Works earlier this week illustrates, the cultural asphyxiation starts at the very top. Hannegan had an idea, and the bored's political appointees could barely stifle their yawns while flashing the usual reply: "It's not an option."

 ... Now, you may be wondering what this surely controversial project must be, considering the absolute breakdown of communication and complete avoidance it inspired: A street piano, painted brightly by teenage artists, sitting out on the street for all passersby to enjoy and experience. I know, contain your gasps of horror; the audacity of this citizen, to think she could so arrogantly prep a whimsical and creative project such as this and terrorize the streets of New Albany.

In all seriousness, my goal is to shed light on a far more concerning challenge than the fun and frivolity of a street piano: The piano is really beside the point.

New Albany must make government more accessible. It is absolutely inexcusable that a citizen with an idea and a passion for her community could be so absolutely and completely led in circles, shut out and shut down.

Tuesday mornings, 10 a.m. It's in need of a dose of glasnost.

Look it up, Warren.

NAC thanks the Street Department!

Those pavement patches in the alley beinhd BSB are where there used to be passageways that swallowed forklifts. Unfortunately, the neighborhood kids are going to miss their wading pools.