Paving news, but before that, a review of pro-Gahan campaign finance "engineered" by HMB and HWC.

Let's talk about paving, but first, who's this guy popping up on Mayor Jeff Gahan's 2017 campaign finance report?

Brad Meyer is the president of HMB Professional Engineers, Inc.

By an amazing coincidence, HMB is the employer of AdamBot, someone we all know and love.

And HMB formerly employed Paul Lincks, who sensibly moved from one set of engineers to another a couple of years back, because ...

 ... it was just in time to get in on the greatest de-Specked sausage of all, HWC Engineering's two-way street grid plan.

As engineers, HWC can spot which side of the bread slice to butter from as far away as China, while wearing blinders, and fully juiced on Kool-Aid. For instance, this Mr. Jolliffe fellow?

You catch on quick.

By the way, city council talked about paving last week. It's so vitally important that Mayor Jeff Gahan didn't attend the meeting, and isn't picking up the phones.

Mike Hall, a spokesperson for Mayor Jeff Gahan, said road paving selection is based on the city's Asset Management Plan that was developed by Clark Dietz Engineers.

Miraculously, no 2017 campaign donations can be traced to Clark Dietz, so give us a little more time.

At last Monday's meeting, the reporter missed some of the very best performance art in recent memory, when city engineer Larry Summers repeatedly and meticulously detailed his crushing workload as hod carrier to the mayor as proof that he couldn't possibly meet for as little as an hour with CM Scott Blair, who along with CM Bob Caesar recently has taken to discussing various new and innovative ways of patching potholes.

But before patches can be connected to potholes, campaign finance must be connected to the mayor!

You could see the exasperation on Summers' face: must I say this aloud for these idiotic council minions to "get it"?

Hence the unintended irony of the editor's subhead: Some council members think more is needed.

Hell yes. It's always the mayor who needs more, isn't it?

See that conveyor belt over there, disappearing into the bowels of the earth?

Feed it and see. It doesn't mean Gahan ever will attend a meeting or climb out from the bunker, where an abacus works overtime, just like Summers, but it does mean Hall might return your calls more quickly.

If your credit's good.

New Albany City Council allocates $1M for paving, by Chris Morris (Tom May Forever)

Some council members think more is needed

NEW ALBANY — Old Man Winter has finally left the area, but not before leaving plenty of potholes behind. Cold temperatures can be hard on road surfaces, and New Albany has its share of crumbling asphalt.

City officials are now finalizing a list of streets and begin the paving season.

But there seems to be more potholes than money, so many of those streets in need of a new surface may have to wait another year.

The New Albany City Council approved $1 million for paving this year at its meeting on May 7. The money will come out of the Economic Development Income Tax fund.

The council advertised $1.5 for paving in case the majority wanted an extra $500,000, but after discussion the council voted unanimously to approve $1 million.

While $1 million seems like a lot of money, it doesn't go a long way when it comes to laying new asphalt. Some New Albany City Council members would like to see more money dedicated to road and sidewalk repairs.

Your turn, buster -- or, this isn't the usual rant about potholes.

I'm eternally fascinated by the notion that potholes, as a specific minority subset of broader street and highway conditions, can be relied upon to trigger endless, intemperate diatribes and vitriolic rants of the sort that almost never greet so many structural inadequacies (water, health care, sanitation, affordable housing) that impact the living conditions of humans when they're not inside their cars.

Over the past century, our entire civilization has been radically reconfigured to meet the every need of your car, and you're generally spared paying the REAL COSTS of maintaining this lopsided value system -- and yet you're still not happy.

You won't pick up the trash or shovel snow off the sidewalk in front of your own house, but damn it, the streets must be paved with gold to get you back and forth, and the traffic lights synchronized, and any impediment to speed -- including other human beings relying on two legs rather than six cylinders -- obliged to get the hell out of your way.

Come to think of it, I don't recall participating in the election that resulted in your automotive needs being declared paramount.

I'll tell you about potholes: If you didn't insist on driving at interstate speeds on side streets, and if you paid attention to what you're doing behind the wheel instead of trolling co-workers on Facebook, maybe potholes wouldn't bend your rims and ruin your climate-controlled mobile sofa.

When are THEY going to fix the potholes?

Howzabout YOU get out there and do it, huh?

Two guys tired of waiting for the city to fill potholes, so they're doing it themselves, by Domenica Bongiovanni (Indy Star)

You could argue that citizens filling potholes is a popular storyline in Indiana. "Parks and Recreation's" Ron Swanson met his third wife after she complained to the fictional city of Pawnee about gaping craters on her street.

The famously libertarian Swanson, played by actor Nick Offerman, cut through the bureaucratic red tape and shoveled asphalt into the chuckholes himself.

After filling a pothole near 52nd Street and College Avenue on Saturday, IUPUI student Chris Lang laughed about the episode, which aired on NBC in October of 2012.

"I even have a Ron Swanson poster up," Lang said of his apartment decor. "I like him a lot."

In fact, some of Swanson's libertarian beliefs overlap with those of Lang, 22, and Mike Warren, 28. The duo created Open Source Roads, a grassroots organization comprising volunteers who fix Indianapolis' pothole-riddled streets. Open Source is a call to action that's built upon action itself. Warren and Lang — and sometimes up to five of their friends — spend their spare time fixing some of the worst chuckholes on side streets.

"We want to fill a lot of potholes, and we want people to help out and see that we don't need to rely on this monopoly for it, and I want that to be what starts the people in charge talking about change," Lang said.

"If the city is going to fail at their own monopoly, why should they have that monopoly?" he said.

5th and Elm speed crater: Have we reached China yet?

If my math is correct, on Monday (July 11) it will have been 22 days since this stated 3 - 4 day project began. It probably took a week just to cut through decades of asphalt Band-Aids.

Whether or not this massive reconstruction project finally resolves a problem that's been around for decades, it must be said that we've gotten plenty of comedic mileage out of it. Clink glasses; rinse, repeat.

5th Street's 2015 paving, 2016 unpaving, and future repaving.

The best way to slow traffic on Elm at 5th would be to leave the crater alone.

It's a good thing we paved 5th Street eight months ago. It should last until 2023.

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Glower (or, the 5th Street Paving Rumba).

Rosenbarger retains job by hailing city's invention of revolutionary Speed Dip at Elm and Fifth.

5th & Elm paving: Who knew the ADA mandates warning ramps for bocce ball crossings?

Nothing to see here. Just a city work crew filling potholes in a private parking lot.

Look closely. Now with two different city logos.

The best way to slow traffic on Elm at 5th would be to leave the crater alone.

Back in March, NAC glanced at another of Pinocchio Rosenbarger's inadvertent street grid masterworks.

Rosenbarger retains job by hailing city's invention of revolutionary Speed Dip at Elm and Fifth.

Right there, by the Break Wind Lofts at Duggins Flats ... Elm Street, a drag strip leading from the post office to 10th ... a barber shop, already devalued by the one-way street, now further spat upon by cars constantly weaving lanes to avoid hitting John Rosenbarger's patented Traffic Calming Speed Dip, or bottoming out, or slamming on the brakes at too high a rate of speed, threatening the tailgating Kentuckian behind him ... and do we ever have conversations about the extent of the damage caused by the heavy trucks traveling these arterial streets at high rates of speed, which come to think of it, sounds pretty hazardous for walkers, too?

No, we don't have these conversations in New Gahania, but at least this week the city began the latest round of repairs intended to make this intersection smooth as a baby's bottom, so that drivers (they vote, you know) never have to slow down, ever again.

Because we wouldn't want slower traffic, would we?

Speeding down Elm Street to buy Irv Stumler flowers, the Claysburg Chronicle's Chris Morris provides readers with something that has utterly eluded the city's two-way streets campaign finance consultants -- namely, a time line of construction.

Elm Street and 5th Street will be closed beginning Monday, June 20, for crews to fix the dip in the road at that location. The work is only expected to take two or three days, weather permitting, but may last until Friday, June 24.

A bit of Breakwind work is concurrent with the city's deRosenbargerization.

Rosenbarger retains job by hailing city's invention of revolutionary Speed Dip at Elm and Fifth.

New pavement marks the future sinkhole.

Right there, by the Break Wind Lofts at Duggins Flats ... Elm Street, a drag strip leading from the post office to 10th ... a barber shop, already devalued by the one-way street, now further spat upon by cars constantly weaving lanes to avoid hitting John Rosenbarger's patented Traffic Calming Speed Dip, or bottoming out, or slamming on the brakes at too high a rate of speed, threatening the tailgating Kentuckian behind him ... and do we ever have conversations about the extent of  the damage caused by the heavy trucks traveling these arterial streets at high rates of speed, which come to think of it, sounds pretty hazardous for walkers, too?

Looking west toward Padgett Way.

No, we don't, because Jeff doesn't do details.

I played around yesterday with video, none of it worth saving, but potentially revealing. An hour in a lawn chair later in the week seems merited.

Today's statement of what should be obvious is prompted by this note passed to the Green Mouse. Thanks, and keep those cards and letters coming.

Any chance you can bring some attention to the extremely dangerous road condition at 5th and Elm? The road has caved in and has created an extremely large pothole-like area. Multiple fixes seem to have occurred, yet the condition remains the same. How someone has not had a serious accident yet is a miracle.

Better yet, try driving your car over the depressed area even at a slow speed and you'll see how dangerous it is, especially if you didn't know the road condition was there. I did stop at the street department last fall and asked about it and the cause has something to do with the sewer pipes underneath the road. They said they were working on it. Some work has occurred, but I see no change in the level of safety. Thanks so much.

Pavement penis drawings: Where public art, pothole repairs and bureaucrats meet.

According to Main Street resident J in a mid-July Fb posting:

"These pictures are pot holes located on the 6th street alley and the parking lot in between Main and Market next to Lifespring. Lifespring insists these pot holes are the cities responsibility to fix, especially the ones in the alley itself."

Yesterday, J offered an update:

"I was told 2 weeks ago by Warren V Nash that he would pass along the (pothole) info. Considering he's the chairman of the Board of Works, I'm not sure who he is going to 'pass it along' to. Either way, 2 weeks later and still no resolution."

The answer is obvious. The Board of Public Works and Safety currently is on All Stations Red Alert status against the impending street piano invasion. Consequently, it may take a while to address J's potholes -- unless he threatens to put a street piano inside one of them.

Better yet, we should all emulate the protagonist in this story from the UK.

Mystery artist highlights Bury potholes with penis drawings, by Amelia Butterly (
Newsbeat reporter

A mystery "road artist" has been drawing pictures of penises around potholes in Bury as a way to get the council to fix them.

"They [potholes] don't get filled. They'll be there for months," says the artist, speaking to Newsbeat anonymously.

"People will drive over the same pothole and forget about it.

"Suddenly you draw something amusing around it, everyone sees it and it either gets reported or fixed."

You mean like this?

Photo credit: BBC

Seeking to avoid termination, poor ol' Rosenbarger goes full Orwell and claims Main Street potholes as "successes."

Look at the speed of that truck, which is or isn't supposed to be traveling on Main Street, depending on the length of John Rosenbarger's nose today. Wait -- what are those?

Hmm, maybe the city's perennial pavers at MAC have been too preoccupied with anti-union activities to pay attention to their work.

Check out the seams. If those monster trucks return to Main Street, as Rosenbarger does or doesn't believe, depending on the length of the local Democratic Party's nose (in New Albany, we have sundials aplenty), the road could suffer further damage.

Daniel Suddeath provides the story at the News and Tribune.

NEW ALBANY — The administration was aware of the potholes that appeared on East Main Street shortly after construction had been completed and received recognition from the contractor that resurfacing may be needed in some spots, New Albany officials said Tuesday.

The issue was raised Monday during a New Albany City Council meeting, as Councilman John Gonder said he had spoken with administration officials about potholes on the recently paved road.
John Rosenbarger, supervisor of public works projects for the city, said Tuesday that MAC Construction and Excavating will repair any problems with the roadway related to the improvement project.

“There’s no debate” about who is responsible for the resurfacing, Rosenbarger said ...

 ...
“We’re going to work out the type of resurfacing that needs to be done,” Rosenbarger said.

Besides the potholes, he dubbed the more than $2.2 million in improvements from East Fifth Street to Vincennes Street as successes.

“It’s a good project. It’s been well-received,” Rosenbarger said.

Another in a series of lies stretching back to the Reagan administration, but what Rosenbarger's legendary hubris obscures is that as the Main Street project becomes more widely viewed as the expensive and poorly planned boondoggle it is, only one person has been placed by Mayor Jeff Gahan in the ideal position to fall on his sword.

Clue: It ain't Gahan himself. That'd be asking way too much, wouldn't it, Adam?

NAC thanks the Street Department!

Those pavement patches in the alley beinhd BSB are where there used to be passageways that swallowed forklifts. Unfortunately, the neighborhood kids are going to miss their wading pools.