Three years later, it's still the essay Jeff Gahan doesn't want you to read: "Want Community? Build Walkability."

Originally published on February 4, 2016. There's a compelling argument to be made that by doing as little as humanly possible to broaden the two-way mandate beyond the simplest of directional changes, Gahan has made the streets worse for walkers and cyclists. But, as we know, making a more walkable and bikeable city wasn't ever the incurably car-centric mayor's plan, anyway. 

I've said it for years, and will continue to say it.

If Jeff Gahan has any intention of implementing street grid reform, as he continues to hint privately and evade publicly, his base instinct will be to "sell" the idea of street grid reform to the public on the basis of cars alone.

He'll say, "It's all about traffic safety."

When Gahan has bothered referring to the Jeff Speck study -- and this has been very seldom -- he has studiously avoided referring to the concept of walkability, which after all is Speck's entire rationale, a variation of which appears on almost every one of the study's pages.

To Gahan, the fact that he cannot comprehend walkability himself implies that no one else can, either. Suburbanites are like that, aren't they? If Gahan somehow does get it, better late than never. The mayor might still manage to make something positive from the muck he has created through his silence and timidity. He needs to come out from hiding, say aloud what's true, and lead the city.

The point Gahan needs to make is eloquently stated in this essay:

Changes are needed. We need to fix our zoning codes to enable traditional mixed-use neighborhoods. We need to challenge our transportation policies and stop prioritizing car travel over all other modes. And we need to eliminate the regulatory obstacles that make it difficult to obtain financing for renovation or construction of small, mixed-use buildings in walkable neighborhoods.

Cities evolve. We create our future one building at a time. So there's no time like the present to start building -- and rebuilding--places that are great for people and communities (again).

Does Jeff Gahan understand, or not?

Every day he waits, we lose ground to places like Jeffersonville. Too bad NA's civic spirit doesn't approximate its zeal in cheering for a basketball team.

Want Community? Build Walkability, by Sarah Kobos (Strong Towns)

Municipal zoning ordinances separated commercial uses from residential ones, and enshrined car-oriented design at the local level. Transportation engineering standards transformed our city streets into high-speed stroads. Meanwhile, changes to lending practices and federal mortgage insurance regulations made it easy and cheap to get a loan on a single-family home in the suburbs, while making it significantly harder to finance mixed-use buildings in the urban core.

We pay for these mistakes with our bodies, as decades of car-centric design have transformed us from active humans into motorists reliant on machines for movement. But our communities also pay a price, as people who drive are more isolated and detached from the cities they call home.

I don’t mean to knock people who drive. (I live in a city where driving is often the only practical choice.) I simply mean that when you walk or bike, you experience your hometown in a much more intimate way.

Councilman Bob Caesar releases statement on the advent of two-way streets, vows continued one-way thinking.

A carrier pigeon deposited this note into the Green Mouse's hand as he was waiting for Pastime to open, just in time for Day 2,228.

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This is Bob Caesar, your student council city council representative from beautiful District Silver Hills, which is a cool, leafy and lofty paradise looking down on the remainder of you lookalike schmucks in the flood plain, so don’t you even think about coming up here, got it?

Not even for a picnic. Now, where was I?

Oh, yes. I'd like to explain briefly why you can't blame me for the approaching two-way apocalypse.

In 2011, I … Tiberius Severus Octavian Elagabalus Septimius Augustus Claudius Hadrian Gluteus Maximus Caesar-- Protector of Fitting and Proper Scribnerian Values, Deliverer of all Downtown Datedness, Master of the Ex-Mercantile, and Guardian of the Gates – promised to you, my loyal subjects, that I would resist two-way streets to my very last sincerely labored book-free breath.

(Honestly, I’m a bit confused myself, because two-way streets are here and I’m as yet alive, still working diligently to shield governmental decision-making and finances from the prying eyes of anti-establishment rabble-rousers like The Drunkist. I suppose Evan Bayh decided that it just wasn't my time, quite yet.)

Admittedly, I may have lost this opening round in the struggle against modernity – actually, I flipped it as a favor to Mayor Gahan after he promised that Shane would protect me in that whole bicentennial commission expenditures unpleasantness -- but believe you me, I’ve only just begun to inflict my antediluvian values on the rest of you.

Both today and in 2024, when I expect to be appointed your Exalted Mayor after my single favorite human being Jeff Gahan is promoted to Cigar Store Governor, I urge you to join me in our shared struggle to restore the undisputed grandeur of our forefathers, who saw clearly that “affordable” housing is just another word for lazy sloths who can’t be bothered to wear a necktie, and who have no business residing atop Silver Hills in the first place.

When it comes right down to it, if you’re too poor to buy jewelry, then you definitely DESERVE two-way streets. I tried to help, but you were to stupid to listen. Suffer the consequences, rabble -- and remember, Silver Hills is a no-fly zone for anyone without a bank account.

Thank you and God bless,

Bobby

ON THE AVENUES SATURDAY SPECIAL: One-ways on the way out, because with downtown at a crossroads, they simply had to be exterminated.

ON THE AVENUES SATURDAY SPECIAL:  One-ways on the way out, because with downtown at a crossroads, they simply had to be exterminated.

A weekly column by Roger A. Baylor.

To make up for Thursday's rerun ...

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I haven't missed the irony.

The very act of persistently advocating for the restoration of two-way streets and the reform of our car-centric downtown grid completely undermines my fundamental personal objective, which is to be freed at long last from mandatory participation in one-way discussions that invariably begin with this anguished cry, openly stated or implicit:

WHAT ABOUT ME AND MY CAR!

To which I must reply:

What about them? What about me and my Not Car?

Or, better stated:

Why are your needs and your CARS more important than our needs and our Not Cars?

Yes, I have a car, too. However, since around 1992 it has been my aim to organize my life so as to facilitate other transportation options – walking, biking, Uber-ing, light rail -- whatever. I'd rather take the money and buy a plane ticket to a European city where I can ride the tram.

I haven't eliminated the need for a car, mind you, but have been shrinking it down, so as to be fit comfortably within the perimeter of a typical oil filter. I've purchased homes twice, one for each marriage, with this in mind. If I return to business, it will be downtown, where I can walk to and from work.

And so on. As Jeff Gillenwater put it on social media:

People are attempting to calculate their personal losses based on the perceived additional commute time created by a two way street grid, often using astronomical hourly rates for the at best fuzzy math. Even the most ardent opponents are typically coming up with a few minutes per trip. Suggest to those same people, though, that they might consider living closer to work in order to realize perhaps even double the financial savings and half the daily resource usage - making the point that their own decision making plays a large role, both for themselves and all the rest of us who put up with the negative consequences of their automobile dominated lifestyles - and the general response is anger and/or blank stares. As my favorite planning statement goes: You're not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

Automotive propaganda has been so pervasive for so long that few of us even think twice before buying into it. It's like religion, in a way; modern life deprives us of any genuine input or purpose, but cars remain emblematic of a freedom otherwise denied us, and we worship them accordingly.

I think it goes further, addressing something along the lines of impotence versus power, an increasingly obvious societal dynamic in an era when we should be tarring and feathering the accumulators of wealth and capital rather than attacking each other.

The same Americans cursing Muslim militants for ramming cars into pedestrians probably have approached a bicyclist and considered precisely the same course of action. Most of the time they don't follow through, but it's hard to see much difference in these cognitive pre-conditions of terrorism.

There is much power within two tons of metal, plastic and rubber, as utterly dependent on the skill and equanimity of the human behind the wheel. Drop 26,721 bombs on other countries, and it passes without notice because it's all part of the plan, but draw an extra white line on the road in someone's path to a job he or she hates, anyway, and everyone loses their minds.

Gillenwater again:

People who genuinely believe that traversing Spring and other nearby streets in New Albany constitutes some sort of all-too-confusing struggle clearly lack the competence to be behind the wheel at all. They're one of the primary reasons street reforms were so badly needed in the first place. To the extent they're correct about being unable to keep from crashing into each other in the near future, I'm just going to chalk it up to Darwinism. I don't want them or anyone else to get seriously injured but disabling a slew of their vehicles would be a boon to us all.

I’ve noticed that as we debate two-way streets in New Albany, or more accurately, as proponents offer ream after ream of statistical evidence even as opponents respond by screaming and threatening to maul someone, those of the one-way persuasion tend to say "I" and "me" a lot, while those interested in more than one path through life use words like "we," "us" and “ours.”

Invariably it's about “my right” to drive anywhere, any time, at any speed, and never our collective responsibility to drive safely. When safety is mentioned, it’s all about safety for “me and my car,” not anyone else who might wish to use a sliver of a driver's city acreage at the same time, as though it's a zero sum proposition.

When you think about it, angry drivers are the ultimate in snowflakes, demanding that they have it all and have it now, and crumbling into infantile tantrums at the first sign they might no longer be coddled.

It’s understandable. Our society has been rigged like this since the 1920s, which only makes our crusade to restore a semblance of balance even more rewarding – and necessary, especially if “our” neighborhoods are to be reclaimed.

A last guest turn for Jeff …

It's amazing really. People who live in my neighborhood never seem to experience the horrendous driving conditions that so many who only pass through insist happen on a regular basis …

… there are typically so few problems with automobile congestion in Downtown New Albany, any seems like a lot. Those frustrated drivers, though, like to take it out on everybody else once they hit the ramps, driving 70-75 mph and weaving in and out of lanes because everybody knows that it's well worth risking multiple lives to keep them from being five minutes late to wherever they're going. I mean, they might not have time for a second cup of coffee at their destination before they have to get started with their work. If everybody driving a car was 1/3 as important as a lot of them seem to think they are, I could roll down my windows and chat with Nobel Prize winners every morning.

Just take a deep breath. If something confuses and distracts you -- if you don't know what it means, and find it challenging -- one possible response is to learn.

Unconventional, perhaps, but at least some humans have been doing it for thousands of years ... even before cars were invented.

---

I was asked this question on a thread about the many restaurants and bars in downtown New Albany.

"Finally, if these two-way streets are indeed better for business, then how has there been so much growth downtown in spite of one-way traffic?"

As a frequent customer of Holiday Inn Express (no, not really), here's my answer, albeit without statistics or outside sources, just personal observations. 

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During the history of the two-way streets discussion in New Albany, we've tended to proceed along artificially parallel lines: two-way streets are good for neighborhoods and also good for downtown business districts, but for reasons that aren't always seen to overlap even if they share a basic set of fundamental aims.

The goal of enhanced walkability encompasses all, except I don't think we've always been able to see how neighborhoods and business districts can be the same thing. We've forgotten what this normal circumstance looks like, and we're locked into a mindset of commuting, as opposed to living.

Let's begin by rewinding.

Given the state of degradation in downtown ten years ago, it's obvious that thirty or more years of one-way streets did nothing to boost the overall value of downtown.

At their very best, one-way streets were neutral, serving their stated purpose of moving drivers through town as quickly as possible, almost none of whom were intent on stopping.

At worst, one-way streets were an impetus from the start for the hollowing-out problem, insulating speedy avenues for cars and implying that no one should or would stop because nothing of value was there to merit the effort – a self-fulfilling prophecy, for sure.

In short, the “value” of downtown in the sense of the historic central business district had collapsed to such an extent that it had become a huge undervalued asset – like a deep sink hole, if you will – in the middle of the larger municipal organism, with corresponding stressors extending like tentacles into nearby neighborhoods.

That's bad, but under the right circumstances, a depressed downtown might be worth greater investment precisely because it was so radically undervalued, and rates of return would be higher.

The combination of the YMCA and the inexpensive Riverfront Development Area permits (circa 2006) served as a jump start, bringing investors/pioneers into the undervalued zone, and in turn attracting contractors and developers to rehab real estate, gradually producing a ripple effect of sorts with almost no financial contribution from city government.

So far, so good, but these early waves of activity really were doing nothing other than beginning the neglected process of redressing an undervalued situation, and came nowhere near maximizing a critical mass that didn't yet exist. We were repaying delinquent interest and penalties, not touching the principal -- just filling in the hole, not rebuilding atop desired level ground.

Now, after ten or so years, perhaps the undervalued hole has been filled or at least is close to being filled, and as we approach the stage of consolidation and value creation above the mere restoration of the break-even point, I believe this is the point where one-way streets actually would inhibit further growth if not eliminated.

Consider that when the city finally started putting some skin in the game, the Breakwater apartment complex was the planners' result: 180+ apartments, maybe 300 residents returning to downtown for residential occupancy, along with dozens of other examples nearby of small-scale rehabs, upstairs in urban dwellings, the way it used to be before one-way streets helped enable flight to the suburbs.

Most of us who've been here for a while have long noted that the turning point would be when people once again were living in the historic business district, as they had during previous periods of the city’s existence, thus confirming that cities are best at efficiently concentrating resources, with people living near their amenities and recreation, because these are the sort of people who value the urban experience in the first place and don't wish to reside in the 'burbs.

Seeing as one-way streets more closely resemble interstates than city streets, they obviously can do little to contribute to this emerging urban neighborhood vibe, and so now we return to our neighbor Jessica’s argument that two-way streets are better for the neighborhood, because that’s exactly what downtown must become to complete filling in the hole and building atop the level ground.

If it doesn’t become a neighborhood, with the next round of ancillaries, these 37 food-based businesses within an approximate 5-block radius of the parking garage won’t be sustainable, whatever the street direction.

Two-way streets can facilitate this process, as opposed to one-way streets detracting from it. Two way adds neighborhood value, one way saps it. Ultimately, it’s less about appeasing locals who already know how to get places (they’ll adapt quickly to changes) or non-locals using GPS as wayfinding, because neither of these factors matter unless people WANT TO GO THERE, and by extension, WANT TO LIVE THERE.

If they can get somewhere else (work, play) by two-way streets as easily as one-way (they can), and if the design of one-way streets actively contradict neighborhood values (they do), and if two-way streets slow traffic and reinforce quality of life considerations (affirmative) ...

 ... then there is a strong case for what we’ve been saying for years: pass-throughs can take I-265, which was built to take cars and trucks around downtown, and walking and biking can be re-emphasized downtown to enhance it as a neighborhood, because if people really want to be there, they’ll come (and live) in spite of the imagined impediments on the part of those naysayers, many of whom don’t understand the urban attraction from the outset and continue to view downtown as an obstacle to be surmounted, not a positive value in its own right.

My answer, then, is that during the period of downtown hole-filling, which in economic terms probably must be viewed as a time when investments still are speculative, these entrepreneurial indie business speculators have survived by utilizing available conditions as skillfully as possible as part of a bigger wager; they’ll trade sparser pickings now (up to a point) for better ones in the future.

I know for a fact that many restaurant people feel this way. It’s a risk, and they know it.

Through this period, one-way streets have been tolerable, perhaps, but they can do nothing to help facilitate what must come next. They run counter to the urban ethos that must be honored if the next stage of revitalization is to be reached, because if the next stage isn’t reached, the probable result will be a step backward ... into the hole.

What do you think?

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Recent columns:

August 24: ON THE AVENUES: PourGate (the Great Beer Pour War of 2013) and Dr. Tom's prescription: "Kneel and Kiss My Ring, You Degraded Alcoholic."

August 17: ON THE AVENUES: Love in the time of choleric Coffey, though it's nice of Deaf Gahan to support the K of C's political agenda.

August 10: ON THE AVENUES: Super Tuesday shrapnel – or, tiptoeing through the tulips with Dan Coffey, now THE face of historic preservation in New Albany.

August 3: ON THE AVENUES: On the importance of being ancient.

July 27: ON THE AVENUES: Irish history with a musical chaser.

No victory laps -- yet. Reverting NA's downtown street grid to two-way traffic is just the beginning.

Previously: Grid Control, Vol. 23: City's fuddy-duddies losing their minds as the debut for a two-way Spring Street is pegged at August 29.

No victory laps ... so much to do ... but kindly allow a rant of sorts, as posted this morning at Fb.

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Lots of us have spent the better part of 15 years mustering abundant evidence in favor of reverting one-way streets to two-way traffic. We've cited stats and studies, and pointed to positive experiences in America and across the planet.

Time and again, we've asked opponents to show us some tangible proof for the impending catastrophe of two-way streets, and have listened as the crickets chirp in response.

Yes, you're entitled to your own opinion, though not your own facts -- and to be perfectly honest, after a decade and a half, we're bored to effing tears with your opinions.

We've done OUR jobs, and miracle of miracles, the city has produced a plan in response. It doesn't go far enough toward the ideal of pistol-whipping auto-centrism, but it's the end of the beginning, and humans (as opposed to their vehicles) have nudged back into the picture.

If two-way streets are "turning back the clock," as some suggest, then at long last I can say: "Give me that old time religion."

Just remember that if you hate two-way streets, blame the mayor and vote against him -- and if you love them, thank the grassroots activists who kept pushing in the face of NA ruling caste incomprehension. There is much work yet to be done, but this time I hope it doesn't take 15 years.

Following is an excerpt from ON THE AVENUES: Yellow lines and what comes due (September 19, 2013).

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Dear New Albany politicians in the executive and legislative branches of government,

Hi. You know this whole two-way street conversion thing we’ve been talking about since the House of Bread was still open? Well, here’s the way it needs to work.

Do it.

Now.

You owe us.

That’s right: You owe us.

In fact, it’s all quite easy to understand, so let me help you out.

Just take every one of those “no-brainer,” “quality of life,” and “economic development” arguments made by those in favor of $20 million worth of new city parks, and grasp that these exact same arguments apply just as strongly to two-way streets, traffic calming and complete streets – at least insofar as the new cadre of independent business owners are concerned.

Remember us?

We’re the ones who actually have been investing downtown.

Then add the needs and interests of present and future inhabitants in those neighborhoods making up the city’s historic core. They’re not feeling arterial – no, not at all.

While you’re at it, take the case for Main Street’s makeover (you can keep the excessive expense, but that’s another story), and understand that the Main Street rationale (i.e., we all need nice things) applies to Elm, Market and Spring Streets, too – as much, and probably more so, because unlike Main Street, those other neighborhoods still hang in the balance. The NSP was nice … but it was mostly federal stimulus money, wasn’t it?

You see, you owe us a modern street grid, because so far, most of the heavy lifting in the historic core has been on someone else’s dime, whether from local investors, state highway pay-outs or Obama funds. 

Now, with this much needed two-way street conversion and other related measures to enhance New Albany’s prospects, it’s time at last for you to go all in and show us that you really get it, and that River Ridge envy shall not be the dominant economic development motif hereabouts.

Just remember: You owe us.

Pay us all back, all at once. Give us a street grid that facilitates revitalization, not one that actively hampers it.

Hell, if you buy the paint, we might even roll a few kegs out some afternoon and paint the stripes for you.

If you decline to act – well, we might just paint the stripes ourselves, anyway. A little civil disobedience never harmed anyone.

Thank you for your attention to this matter. We're watching.

Roger

ASK THE BORED: Decades too late, but the two-way sanity project finally begins. That it took this long is an embarrassment.

Two or three times every year, mostly on weekends during fair weather, I'll be outside doing something, and I'll hear the approach of motorcycles.

Seconds later, two of them will fly past, one in each westbound lane on a one-way street built for drag racing. Accordingly, they'll be doing 60 mph, and probably higher.

I always look toward downtown to see if they made it past the curve at 10th Street. So far they always have. It's almost a disappointment.

But I don't want anyone getting hurt -- neither motorcyclists nor bicyclists, or the children playing on both sides of Spring on my block, and not even the truckers whose rigs are twice the size of a nearby shotgun house, usually driving faster than they should through a densely populated neighborhood.

No, save the torture for several generations of shortsighted, wind-bagged, thought-challenged New Albany politicians, who for 50 years were perfectly content to empower anti-social automotive behavior to the detriment of their own community simply because they couldn't imagine their way through a wet beer label with a squirt gun held to their heads.

In all sincerity, those many politicians and their functionaries can rot in hell for all I care.

At long last, the "grid modernization" project is under way. It should have been done years ago, and it might have been done far less expensively. Still, very soon I hope to be sitting in a lawn chair on my verge, gin and tonic in hand, laughing at the auto-centric fools who are red-faced and flatulent at having to expend an extra five minutes to pass through a city where few of them even live.

Here's an excerpt from last week's BOW meeting minutes.

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Wes Christmas, Clark Dietz, explained that the work is on schedule for the grid modernization and paving and they will be wrapping up patching activity this week. He stated that the milling and paving on Spring Street will begin on Monday the 15th starting at the east end going west and it should be complete by the end of next week.

Mr. Nash asked if the traffic will remain in the same pattern while the work is being done.

Mr. Christmas stated that it will remain in the same pattern as it currently exists until they come through and put the new pavement markings in. He added that all the paving work will be done before the switch takes place and under the current paving schedule it should be finished by the end of June, weather dependent.

Mr. Nash asked about the status on the signal modernization.

Mr. Lincks stated that they are currently identifying utilities as well as boring from the potholes to detect the utilities to run the conduit in preparation for the paving. He added that they are currently on Spring Street doing that work and will continue that work until Spring, Elm and Market are complete.

Mr. Nash asked if the conduit goes in the paving to activate the signals.

Mr. Lincks stated the conduit runs from the detector housings to hand holes which are located near the signal pole locations.

Mr. Summers stated that the conduit allows for the wiring of the signals to go underground.

Mr. Lincks explained that this will be followed by the paving work and they do it this way so that the pavement doesn’t have to be disturbed later.

Mr. Christmas stated that once the underground work is complete on Elm Street they will jump over to Elm with the paving operations.

Mr. Thompson added except for the work at Breakwater.

Mr. Christmas stated that they started work in parking lane at 1st Street and Main Street yesterday and there is no real impact on traffic.

ASK THE BORED: "Design Is Better Than Enforcement To Make Cities Safer For Everyone."

Last week, there was a rear-guard action. I'm not here to pick on Mr. Peterson. As you can see from the minutes of Valentine's Day, the board itself spent ample time scratching their heads.

Mr. Peterson's point, as offered last week as well as an October 2016 letter to the News and Tribune, is that we can have arterial streets designed for moving traffic at unsafe (and altogether anti-social) speeds, then easily reduce these speeds through constant enforcement -- though we wouldn't want to be a speed trap, would we?

In other news, I can have my cake and eat it, too. Yet again, for the umpteenth thousandth time ...

Design Is Better Than Enforcement To Make Cities Safer For Everyone, by Charlie Sorrel (fastcoexist)

Ticketing drivers isn't the answer to create streets that are friendly for pedestrians and cyclists.

Much as cyclists might like to see bad drivers punished for their distracted driving and their bike-harassing crimes, enforcement isn't the most effective way to make the streets safer. The best way to stop "accidents" is to design better roads.

Slower cars means safer roads, and while adding speed cameras and reducing speed limits can help, nothing beats a design that stops drivers from speeding in the first place. Also, slower cars mean less injury in the case of a collision, but again, avoiding the collision to begin with is even better ...

 ... Urban sprawl, and the unchecked ingress of the automobile into every area of our cities, is clearly the problem. And better infrastructure, designed to make driving more difficult in order to make cites better for everyone, is an obvious solution. But it requires bold decisions, like the Barcelona's controversial Super Block scheme, and those decisions require a political will that is often too weak in the face of bullying from car drivers. Design may be more important than enforcement, then, but it's strong politics that will make those changes.

Hit and run.

It was around 11:20 p.m. on Saturday.

To the east on Spring, I heard the screech of brakes and the familiar sort of automotive skidding sound that often ends with a "crunch," and in fact, even though the whole sensation lasts only a couple of seconds, you're already waiting to hear the finale, which arrived right on cue, but it was more of a thud than a crinkling of plastic parts.

Then there was a pause, with spinning tires and a subsequent roar, and something went past the house at a high rate of speed. Apparently the driver met the street lamp pole with enough velocity to bend it, but the vehicle remained sufficiently serviceable enough to flee the scene.

It was just another day (night) on a one-way, high-speed abomination.

Lease now at Break Wind, get a free pass to break the city's traffic laws.

Photo credit: The Bookseller.

We already knew that Flaherty and Collins Properties received unprecedented sewer tap-in waivers, but we didn't know the Indy-based balsa rabbit hutch moguls also received permission to violate the city of New Albany's prevailing traffic laws.

Let's look more closely at the corner of East Spring and 6th.

It might help to diagram the play.

Do not enter ... unless you're ready to lease!

Tap-in waivers, traffic law waivers ... you know, if I were a betting man, I'd suggest that Flaherty and Collins won't be paying those $5 rental property registration fees, either.

And if they do, David "Bag Man" Duggins will convey them straight into the Gahan for State Senate account.

What do you think?

Two Way Streets now? Finally? Gahan sets the bar as low as humanly possible and somehow clears it, as BOW opts for a rational street grid.

In the worst kept secret since the Electoral College sucks, the Board of Works voted today to adopt Option B, which restores two-way traffic to Elm, Spring, Market, Bank and Pearl, though at the considerable and heart-rending expense of gutting most of consultant Jeff Speck's worthiest proposals for bicycling lanes and parking innovations on these and other subsequently omitted streets (State and Vincennes most glaringly).

Area merchants are advised to refrain from selling lighter fluid or Bics to Antebellum Irv, though the Luddites might yet have pyrotechnics up their sleeves.

Just prior to the election, a very highly placed Democratic Party grandee personally opposed to these street grid changes informed me that it would be impossible for him to speak publicly about the topic owing to previous litigation over the Main Street Beautification Project, hinting strongly that truck-through lobbyists would do the same with our Ceausescu-styled "Downtown Grid Modernization Project."

We shall see. After 13 years of battling colossal stupidity and institutional timidity in pursuit of today's outcome, and given the ongoing absence of comprehension among city officials as to the benefits of street grid modernity, I'm refraining from a victory lap and sticking to my usual story, because verily, I'll believe it when I see it.

Here's the triumphal press release.

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New Albany Adopts Downtown 2-way Street Grid

November 15, 2016

HWC Engineering presented 3 design options to the Board of Public Works and Safety on September 13, 2016. At this meeting, they recommended a conversion of all roads encompassed in the downtown grid system which included Pearl, Bank, Market, Spring, and Elm Streets. Additionally, the final environmental document required by the Indiana Department of Transportation was just recently approved, allowing action to be taken by the Board of Public Works and Safety.
Spring Street with 2-way traffic during the 1960s.

At this morning’s meeting of the New Albany Board of Public Works and Safety, the board moved to accept HWC Engineering’s recommendations on the Grid Modernization Project, and have begun the process of converting the one-way streets of Pearl, Bank, Market, Spring, and Elm Streets to two-way traffic.

“I think this is a positive change for our city. After months of review and preparation, the Board of Public Works and Safety has reached the same conclusion as planners and engineers. The City of New Albany has been one-way long enough. These changes improve walkability, the connectivity of all residents, and will further enhance our downtown,” stated Mayor Jeff Gahan.

The full text of the resolution adopted and approved by the New Albany Board of Public Works and Safety can be viewed below:

A RESOLUTION APPROVING GRID MODERNIZTION

WHEREAS, the Federal Highway Administration issued a revised Record of Decision approving construction of 2 new Ohio River Bridges projects and in 2013 toll rates were established for the new construction of the Ohio River Bridges with the Sherman Minton Bridge without tolls.

WHEREAS, in 2014 the City Administration hired Jeff Speck, a nationally known city planner and urban designer to analyze the City of New Albany’s downtown street grid system.

WHEREAS, the City of New Albany held 3 public meetings to discuss the Grid Modernization project with residents, businesses, and community stakeholders.

WHEREAS, the City Administration also hired HWC Engineering to review the recommendations of Jeff Speck and to provide options and alternatives that addressed the matters and issues presented by the public during the meetings.

WHEREAS, HWC Engineering was tasked with the goals of ensuring the Spring Street Corridor did not become a toll dodging route, improve safety and walkability in downtown, ensure adequate flow of vehicular traffic on downtown streets, and enhance downtown as a destination location.

WHEREAS, HWC Engineering presented 3 design options to the Board of Public Works and Safety on September 13, 2016, and recommended a conversion of all the roads encompassed in the downtown grid system which included Pearl, Bank, Market, Spring, Elm Streets.

WHEREAS, the final environmental document required from the Indiana Department of Transportation was just recently approved allowing action to be taken by the Board of Public Works and Safety.

BE IT RESOLVED by the New Albany Board of Works and Safety hereby adopts and approves the recommendations of HWC Engineering to convert the current one-way streets of Pearl, Bank, Market, Spring, and Elm Streets to two-way traffic.

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Jeff Speck on HWC Engineering's bicycle-free, two-way streets abortion: "I guess that's what you get when you ask engineers who do not value biking to change a plan."

4-2-3: City council scorecard from Monday's public meeting on two-way streets.

Brick lamp pedestals removed from Veterans' Plaza because Irv's "safe" drivers keep hitting them.

The topic is New Albany's Veterans' Plaza. First, a few photos illustrating progress and regress.

Before:

During:

After (October, 2016):

The wide spot in Market Street between 10th and 11th, where New Albany's Veterans' Plaza is positioned, once held the smaller of the city's two public markets. The larger one was downtown on Market between State and Pearl. At some point it became the city's memorial to veterans, on an island in a one-way street.

Floyd County Honor Roll & Veterans Memorial

Our Veterans' Plaza was refurbished beginning in 2005, as explained by Chris Morris at the (then) Tribune.

Since the brick lamp pedestals were installed on the 10th Street side of the plaza, circa 2005, I've lost track of how many times they've been damaged by drivers navigating automobiles along a one-way street described as "safe" by the likes of Irv Stumler.

Give Veterans Plaza a break: Two way streets now ... no study necessary (November 14, 2013)

Self-inflicted dementia aside, apparently the decision has been taken recently to pack it in and remove them. As of last week, they were gone.

Drivers.

They're why we can't have nice things.

ON THE AVENUES: On two-way streets, a modest proposal for the consideration of my disoriented one-way counterpart.

ON THE AVENUES: On two-way streets, a modest proposal for the consideration of my disoriented one-way counterpart.

A weekly column by Roger A. Baylor.

I have an edifying idea to advance, but first, we must digress, as it seems one of those "street people" is loose again, stumbling through downtown, panhandling and scaring children.

We’ll call him Irv, and he's on a Mission from God.

The Lord hath said to Irv, go forth and put an end to the evil ways of those wretched, sinful ass-umers wandering naked and frenzied right out in the street where the blessed ordained semis ought to be navigating freely on government subsidized tarmac.

Irv: Hold on, can you repeat that, God? The part about those ass-umers?

Deity: (jeeebus -- can anyone down there follow simple instructions?) YES, Irv, the ass-umers. They ass-ume too much, and when they do, it makes an ass out of you and me. Well, more you than me.

As Irv placed the Celestial Phone back on its cradle, his brow was noticeably furrowed. How might a simple country boy of humble origins living the good life way up in Silver Hills possibly keep city streets running one way when the specter of Speckism was all around, tempting those ignorant tattooed youngsters with promises to snatch valuable lane width away from noble trucking magnates to give to trendy bistros with $25 entrees?

Get thee away, Speck ... and yet, God, hadn’t Irv done enough already?

Twice he’d patiently read voters his resume, over and over, clause by clause, each repetition as dry and wooden as the last, and both times they’d somehow rejected him at the ballot box.

Well, THAT sure wouldn't happen again.

What’s more, Irv was a Lifetime Achievement award recipient at the Erectile Metaphor Association (Steeple Chaser Division) annual banquet, and still no plaque on the amphitheater.

Deity: (sigh) I’ve tried telling Irv that hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on church buildings doesn’t feed the poor in times of social injustice, but he just keeps prattling on about appearances. Sometimes I just don't know.

Verily, Irv had done everything humanly possible to perpetuate the notion of cosmetic flourishes as preferable to fundamental reality; he’d even planted flowers in giant black ashtrays so passing cars (all of them observing the speed limit) could admire the arrangements via their rear view mirrors.

And all these efforts -- all the years cultivating an aura of stolid respectability -- couldn’t stave off the ultimate indignity. It was that commoner, that ruffian -- GAHAN!

Gahan had cruelly robbed Irv of the mayor’s office, even after King England III (The Tipsy) handed the keys right to him fair and square after those back alley deals – even after Irv pretended to be a Democrat!

Gahan even swiped Irv’s bedecked curbside ashtrays. Worst of all, Gahan’s lackeys at the Board of Works kept laughing at Irv, and this made him angriest of all, because so did the prissy progressives.

Who’d have thought that disrespect for Irv was the only thing Gahan and the progressives could agree on? Their chortling was shameful, but what did they know?

God wasn’t on their side, after all. There still was time to keep NA one way. The temporal fix may have been in place, and the Speckanic two-way street plan was moving forward, and yet ... His truth kept marching on!

No, not God’s -- Padgett’s.

Irv smiled. All those whippersnapper heathens would be no match for fully erect industrial cranes, and cold hard steel, and the gentle caress of fully lubricated internal combustion machines. Those fools would feel the sting of Stumler metal, and the paybacks would be merciless.

Irv lapsed into tumescent reverie. Richard Nixon, Charlton Heston, Strom Thurmond ... those dreamboats from way back when. Where did the time go, anyway? I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill, and Rocky Top would always be home sweet home to me … to me … I me … I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.

All through the day, I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.

Bystander: Hey – who invited that Tiger Trucking guy into this heavenly dialogue?

---

All right, enough of the introductory satire, because as Bluegill presciently notes,

As I and many others have repeatedly pointed out, all the evidence anyone has ever collected pertaining to a particular issue is irrelevant. You either blithely accept Stumler's self-appointed role as ultimate arbiter of good and evil or you're wrong. It's a combination of ego and spite that might well make someone a mainstream front runner for the presidency but one that doesn't serve legitimate community development efforts well at all.

Accordingly, like clockwork (orange), Irv's donned his street person regalia again, having commenced another shakedown expedition through downtown, and just as predictably, I’m once again hearing about it from various merchants and downtown stakeholders.

They’re all telling essentially the same story, and the déjà vu is palpable, because we’ve all been here before – 2015, to be precise.

Irv’s browbeaten methodology is to corral someone on duty at a downtown business and berate the poor unfortunate until he walks away with the scalp of another two-way streets "opponent."

Naturally, Irv doesn’t care who he speaks with, just so long as the person in question can be in any vague way connected to the business. Janitor, manager, dishwasher, Fed Ex dude making a delivery; it doesn’t matter one jot. You can almost hear Irv’s sales pitch:

Hello, I’m a powerful man taking a survey about two way streets. Do you like the marvelous fast moving one-way streets we have now, or would you rather have two-way streets that have been proven to cause Zika, refugees, flooding, AIDS, impotence, Black Lives Matter and those stupid hipsters? Well, c’mon, what’s your vote? One-way the HIGH way, right? Good. Thank you for your opinion.

Of course, for some of these interviewees, being mercilessly badgered to state an opinion makes them feel highly uncomfortable. Not only does Irv present himself as an establishment figure of wealth and importance, but he claims to represent others of the same lofty status (read: folks who might spend money in shops and eateries).

What’s a lowly prep cook supposed to say to this seemingly important fellow in a suit? Moreover, why should he or she be put in such a position in the first place?

Of course, Irv’s magical mystery boor is utterly contrived and filled with head-scratching drivel. After last year’s pleasure cruise to Fantasy Island, he triumphantly reported poll results of 45 votes in favor of one-way streets, 2 undecided, and not a single instance of a bludgeoned victim preferring two-way streets.

Gee, I wonder why?

If we’re to classify “undecided” as “no,” that’s a 96% tally, which grandly approaches the prevailing 98.5% approval rate in most totalitarian coronations, although Irv might want to consider both blades of the sword; in places like North Korea, bureaucrats may face dire consequences when failing to get the remaining 2.5%.

If we could only be so lucky.

Last year in the aftermath of Irv’s fevered canvassing, one restaurant manager described to me how his arm was twisted.

I tried to reason with him, but he wouldn’t let me be. The lunch rush was coming, and there were already a few tables. The customers were starting to look at us funny, and the only way I could make him go away was to agree with him.

So much for a fair ballot, though Irv already knows what happens when the voting is conducted in privacy. However, the restaurant manager’s conclusion is the saddest part.

I couldn’t help feeling bad for him. He embarrassed himself so awfully, but he didn’t even seem to notice. Not at all. It was like he was being possessed.

Of course, self-possession is what Missions from God are all about. Just imagine what Irv might be able to accomplish from a standpoint of balance, but no, it’s 2016, and he's at it again, and yes, perhaps the best course would be to suggest sans snark that someone who cares about the man's mental health should organize an immediate intervention.

However, as someone in favor of two-way streets, allow me to observe that as it stands now, with Irv’s increasingly crazed public demeanor producing titters and guffaws all over town, he’s currently the single best asset two-way street advocates possess.

---

Even so, I feel like spinning the wheel. Kindly indulge me as I advance this modest proposal. It’s a quid pro quo, "good faith" offering – a friendly gambit, a sporting challenge, and a two-pronged gift to the community.

You know me. I’m Roger, the loudest and most strident proponent of two-way streets.

He’s Irv, the persistent spokesman for sad sack one-way status quo.

Consequently, I propose that together, Irv and I bow out of this civic debate, completely and totally, and by doing so allow others to enter the game. 

The Board of Works will cast the deciding vote at some point between now and mid-November, and so we’ll phrase the period of non-engagement as the moment of my offer's acceptance through November 15, or when a final vote on two way streets occurs – whichever comes first.

Apologies, but let me be openly vulgar as a means of perfectly sincere clarity in establishing the simple parameters of my modest proposal.

Both of us, Roger and Irv, must shut the fuck up about streets.

No talking, no writing, no dog whistles ... no nothing. Perhaps I'm just as overbearing as Irv, so let's make room for new participants. I'm confident my peeps can carry the ball forward without me.

What about Irv? Can his troops muster a coherent argument? Rather than glowering from the back of the room, can the likes of Mark Seabrook actually speak aloud for himself?

Inquiring minds want to know.

What’s more, let’s posit a friendly wager. If Irv fails to hold his tongue during lockdown, he must donate $500 to a charity of my choice, with the scenario reversed if I fold. Verily, in the iPhone Era, plenty of folks will be tailing both of us in hopes of amassing video and audio evidence.

I'm tanned, rested and ready. Bring it on, Irv. Let's give the long-suffering citizenry a well-deserved break from ourselves, shall we?

Oh, and I almost forgot: Two Way Streets Now.

---

September 15: ON THE AVENUES Now for my next amazing conversion trick (KABOOM!!!) – look at those pretty windows on Schmitt Furniture.

September 8: ON THE AVENUES: It no longer keeps me waiting.

September 1: ON THE AVENUES: Complete ventriloquism, or the stagecraft of "throwing" your two-way streets.

August 25: ON THE AVENUES: You won't believe what happens next.

Institutionalized counter-productivity: The apparent goal is to tear down these brand new signs in less than a year.

On Tuesday morning, at the same time this man ...

... was explaining a proposal to revert one-way streets to their original two-way use, the city was busily ...

... replacing improperly reflective, soon-to-be-obsolete one-way street signs with brand new ones.

I'm sure we can blame this on the feds somehow.

By the way, "institutionalized counter-productivity" has 13 syllables, twice the number permitted by ordinance. You can bet your sweet bippy that the city's corporate attorney soon will be busy issuing a warrant.

I'll be going into hiding ... with a thesaurus.

Lower speed limits "can set expectations for traffic calming redesigns in the future."

Last week, when Mayor Jeff Gahan finally emerged from the down low bunker to speak publicly about two-way streets for the first time in months, the News and Tribune's Elizabeth Beilman recorded a typical potted Gahanism.

"What we don't want is the volume to turn Spring Street into a raceway," Gahan said.

I hate to be the one to break the news to a sheltered guy who spends most of his time underground reading his own press clippings, but dude -- Spring Street's been a raceway since about 1960.

Since it was made into a one-way street. 

For Gahan to suggest that speeding on New Albany's one-way street grid won't become a problem until tolls come into force constitutes a pole-vault beyond delusional, straight to profoundly sad.

Portland Wants to Rethink Speed Limits By Factoring in Walkers and Bikers, by Angie Schmitt (Streetsblog USA)

For cities trying to get a handle on traffic fatalities, dangerous motor vehicle speeds are an enormous problem. Once drivers exceed 20 mph, the chances that someone outside the vehicle will survive a collision plummet.

But even on city streets where many people walk and bike, streets with 35 or 40 mph traffic are common. Cities looking to reduce lethal vehicle speeds face a number of obstacles — including restrictions on how they can set speed limits ...

 ... Street design is a more important safety factor than speed limit signs, of course, but lower speed limits can still send a signal to motorists to proceed more cautiously — and they can set expectations for traffic calming redesigns in the future. If the speed limit is 30 mph but motorists consistently go faster, the design clearly needs to change.

I read the news today. Jeff Gahan has made a brief but articulate public case for two-way streets. No, I'm not drunk.

Coincidence?

The News and Tribune's staff reshuffle earlier this week placed Elizabeth Beilman in the local government coverage chair, and immediately, if though by magic, the most substantive words about two-way streets ever spoken by Mayor Jeff Gahan for attribution are right there, out of the down low bunker and on the public record.

Maybe City Hall didn't think highly of Bill Hanson's 11-month news blackout, either.

Could it be that without a New Albany beat reporter, there was no reporter to ask a simple question like, "What's up with two-way streets?" Imagine if this had been Chris Morris instead of Beilman. He'd have called in an Irv Stumler propaganda strike to provide the opposing point of view from the respectable, venerated elder strata.

It's bad form for me to reprint this article verbatim, so I won't, but PLEASE proceed past the opening tease, click through and read entire piece. You'll be shocked and amazed. It's Jeff Gahan as you've never, ever heard him ... apparently reading straight from my NAC teleprompter.

As the bookseller notes elsewhere ...

A win is a win, but I'm still cautious.

That's sums it up on my part, too. Trust but verify, and I'll believe it when I see it. There'll be much more to say, but for now, the dog gets his day.

New Albany two-way streets hearings coming next month

Mayor: Decision to be made by end of year

NEW ALBANY — The city of New Albany is hosting public hearings to discuss two-way street conversions as early as next month, Mayor Jeff Gahan said.

"There's no question we have too many one-way streets in New Albany," Gahan said.

The discussions come after an 18-month waiting period wherein city officials reviewed a proposal from planner Jeff Speck on converting New Albany's one-way streets to two ways.

Gahan said the "extended process" has allowed for internal discussions on all options.

"Before the end of the year, we’ll be making some decisions on which streets will be continue to be one way and which one will be converted," Gahan said.

Pay attention, Irv, just for once: "This is a home and a destination, not a place to pass through quickly on your way to somewhere else. The streets should be designed to reflect that."

The author lives in Milwaukee, but her arguments apply just as cogently here in New Albany. In fact, we've outlined these same points again and again.

Every day that passes without action to revert New Albany's one-way streets to two-way traffic is a missed opportunity to enhance safety, boost business and reduce confusion. There are additional considerations revolving around quality of life, property values and plain decency, and these are included under the three broad categories in the essay (a snapshot follows, but read the whole article for maximum effect. Even you, Irv).

As the city's daily existence pertains to two-way streets, until Jeff Gahan does something, he has done nothing. Until he does something, he is being hypocritical in making private assurances amid public inaction. Those who claim to be in support of two-way streets reversions but fail to call the mayor's perennial bluff are complicit in both hypocrisy and inaction.

They should loosen themselves from Adam's partisan spiderweb, and try leading for a change.

3 REASONS TO TURN THESE ONE-WAY STREETS INTO TWO-WAYS, by Rachel Quednau (Strong Towns)

... I'm going to outline three main reasons that Farwell and Prospect should be converted to two-way streets.

1. ONE WAY STREETS ARE MORE DANGEROUS

Because of their one-way design, Farwell and Prospect are very dangerous streets where cars consistently speed. I can’t tell you the number of times I have almost been hit by a car while trying to cross this street. The one-way is not only dangerous because of how fast cars move but also because it means anyone turning onto that street thinks he/she only needs to look one way for traffic, instead of looking both ways in case of pedestrians crossing on either side of the street. It is downright frightening.

2. ONE-WAY STREETS ARE WORSE FOR BUSINESS

Two-way streets offer more exposure for local businesses because cars driving in both directions pass by their storefronts. Two-way streets also slow the cars, meaning drivers and passengers have more time to notice local businesses out the window. Two-ways also encourage more foot traffic because they feel safer for pedestrians.

3. ONE-WAYS MAKE NAVIGATION NEEDLESSLY CHALLENGING

Another way that conversion to two-way streets improves business opportunities (and decreases headaches) is by making navigation simpler for drivers, as well as cyclists and transit user. If you’re trying to reach a business on Farwell and you’re approaching it from the south, you’ll be forced to drive up Prospect or nearby Oakland (which is blessedly not a one-way), cut through a narrow residential street and hope you calculated correctly to arrive in front of the business. If you overshot, guess what? You get to drive all the way around the block again. The same navigation issues, of course, apply to cyclists.

Challenges for independent local businesses include one-way streets and Big Box tax evasion.

Break the chains, build local power.

On the eve of another monthly merchant meeting (Tuesday morning, 8:30 a.m., Cafe 157 at the corner of Main and Bank), here's a look back at a discussion starter from February.

Thursday Must Read Part 1: Upsides and downsides in a national independent business survey.

 ... Public policy challenges, eh?

In New Albany, one virulent 800-lb public policy gorilla is downtown's one-way street grid, which study after study has proven to be harmful to the interests of small, local, independently-owned businesses.

And yet, more than a few business owners in New Albany either don't wish to "rock" the boat, or worse, to take the time to understand the issues involved.

Think about it: If one-way streets hurt businesses like yours, then they do so 24 hours a day, every day of the year. Conversely, reversion to two-way would help your business -- 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You're fighting a battle with one arm tied behind your back -- by the city itself. The fact that the likes of Bob Caesar lobbies against reform should be the clearest possible indication that reform is both correct and necessary.

In addition, coming on the heels of today's previous post ("The dirty little secret of big box development – and it’s really not a secret – is that the buildings are designed to be abandoned"), here's another look at the big-box tail wagging the dog.

For Cities, Big-Box Stores Are Becoming Even More of a Terrible Deal, by Olivia LaVecchia (Institute for Local Self-Reliance)

Big-box retailers’ new tactic to slash their taxes is the latest example of why cities are better off saying no to the boxes and cultivating Main Streets instead.

... Marquette has been hit hard by a tactic that the country’s biggest retailers are using to slash their property taxes. Known as the “dark store” method, it exemplifies the systematic way that these chains extract money from local governments. It’s also the latest example of the way that, even as local governments across the country continue to bend over backwards to attract and accommodate big-box development, these stores are consistently a terrible deal for the towns and cities where they locate.

Because ... without principles and a system of values prefacing independent small business ownership, why work so damned hard?

Shouldn't local government be helping, not pushing back?

ENCORE: As Irv artlessly flatulates about street safety, let's look at actual real-world evidence.

BREAKING: Proposed yard signs for the new "There's Only One Way to NA" anti-Speck group.

Perhaps a nice sedative cocktail would help, or better yet, a high colonic.

ON THE AVENUES: Irv Stumler screams, "We don't deserve two-way streets!"

In the article linked below, the first paragraph tells the whole story, even if we've previously referenced what follows -- again and again.

That's the most depressing thing about reaching back (not "out") into the NAC archives. It's the knowledge that (in this instance) another year has been wasted.

All those males in city hall, and so few cojones ... but water park!

Yes, we'll continue referencing and re-referencing these facts, because one-way arterial streets needlessly tether New Albany to a street grid that actively works against our best collective interests in terms of revitalization.

Period.

Is this just our opinion?

No, it isn't.

Research by John Gilderbloom and William Riggs, coupled with verifiable experience all across the American map, combines to indicate otherwise.

Meanwhile, for those remaining unclear about the nature of opinions, this link is a good one: No, it's not your opinion. You're just wrong. 

Irv, if you're reading ... it's from July 26, 2015, and a long, long way from 1958.

The Many Benefits of Making One-Way Streets Two-Way ... Safer traffic, for one thing, by Eric Jaffe (City Lab)

From a traffic engineering perspective, one-way streets are all about speed. Without the danger of oncoming traffic, one-way streets can feel like an invitation to hit the gas. But swift traffic flow isn’t the only factor by which progressive cities judge their streets, and as safety and livability become more important, a number of metros have found the case for converting one-way streets into two-way streets a compelling one.

Count Louisville among the believers. In 2011, the city converted two one-way streets (Brook and 1st) in the Old Louisville part of town. Though originally designed as two-way streets, Brook and 1st became one-way after World War II, in keeping with the car-first engineering of the time. In championing the change, local official David James cited the need for calmer streets and economic development.

A pair of planning scholars has evaluated just how well the safety and economic claims held up following the street conversions. In a word: very. William Riggs of California Polytechnic State University and John Gilderbloom of the University of Louisville report that compared with nearby, parallel streets that remained one-way (2nd and 3rd), Brook and 1st experienced fewer collisions, less crime, and higher property valuations.