A weekly web column by Roger A. Baylor.
The notion of selecting New Albany's "Person of the Year" was first thrown out for discussion in 2011, and a compelling list of nominees was both compiled and ignored.
Doug England … for making change possible by rallying so many people against institutional top-down nepotism.
DNA’s/Dudgeon’s “Come to City” slogan … for rallying so many people against institutional top down nepotism.
The River View Project … for rallying so many – well, you know the drill by now.
Steve Resch … for doing redevelopment right.
Professor Erika … for spending so much time in Italy that she managed to lose an election to Cappuccino.
The 2011 winner was the Sherman Minton Bridge. Although admittedly it is an inanimate object, lots of persons were affected by its temporary closure. Even more significantly, the bridge's structural illness exposed numerous fault lines of conceptual illness afflicting self-assigned local movers and shakers.
At least the bridge made a full recovery.
We renewed the conversation in 2012, and another strong list of contenders came together. Among them were these:
Jeff Gahan … it’s about time someone called county government’s perpetual bluff.
Mike Ladd … the Urban Enterprise Association director had to be sacrificed so that the outside world could see clearly, definitively and conclusively, the depths to which the outgoing England administration had plunged. Let's all join together in saying, "Never again."
Our local Democratic Party … but logically speaking, can non-corporeal bodies capture corporeal awards? Quick, someone find a theologian -- or Connie Sipes.
Develop New Albany … not since Spain patiently awaited Generalissimo Francisco Franco’s passing has the future of an entity been so conclusively tied to a change in discredited leadership. Can an invisible organization win a prize? Can it win a Prozac? Regime change now, please.
Bob Caesar … seldom has a local political figure become so reliably consistent in occupying the entirely mistaken side of any given issue, especially when it comes to anything pertaining to the general concept of "urban". CM CeeSaw's Bulova Watch Time? It's round about 1938, give or take a Roosevelt administration.
River View Project … it seems to have died in 2012. Maybe now something good can happen, although we might wish to dispose of the corpse.
Rent Boy Park, a.k.a. Somnolent Estates, a.k.a Caesar’s Folly; also known only by its enabling commission (the Coup d'Geriatrique) as Bicentennial Park. A truly monumental waste of time and money when so many other projects go wanting, and as such, utterly and ironically indicative of the city's first two hundred years.
The choice was Bill Allen, whose stunning decision to paint his dilapidated Main Street properties was meant to obscure the plain fact that a quarter-century had passed since he did anything whatever to improve them, perfectly symbolizing the enduring Potemkin village mentality prevailing in New Albany.
Two years later, the rubble is marginally more attractive, but it's still a ruin -- and a city that claims to be obsessed by public safety ... that's right. It does absolutely nothing.
In 2013, there was a tie:
Houndmouth ... Four youthful musicians possessing consummate skill and a collectively precocious sense of irony, such that their city benefits immensely from the band's mere existence without ever really grasping why this might be the case. Long may they wave.
And …
Quality of Life ... Or our seldom-urban priorities here in the city. As we've come to grasp throughout the year 2013, "quality of life" as a pretext for spending money invariably reflects a mayor or council person's subconscious suburban mores first and foremost, because these leanings are safely white and mostly understood, whereas urban living suggests racial diversity, social chaos and rampant book reading. In addition, "quality of life" always applies far more to the area just around an elected official's home, and might be subtitled “automotive only”; far less importance is accorded those areas located even a short walk away. Because, of course, none of them ever walk or bike, do they?
Other nominees included holdovers Mayor Gahan, the Democratic Party, Bob Caesar and the Horseshoe Foundation, as well as the Main Street Disprovement Project and Dr. Tom "Fuck Off, You Filthy Degraded Peasant" Harris.
This year, there'll be a formal vote at our Facebook page, but first, we need nominees. Here's the template.
Person of the Year (formerly Man of the Year) is an annual issue of the United States newsmagazine Time that features and profiles a person, couple, group, idea, place, or machine that "for better or for worse ... has done the most to influence the events of the year."
Following is an admittedly incomplete starter list for 2014.
What do you think?
The heroic downtown developers ... Matt Chalfant, Steve Resch and the Carters, among others. The number of downtown properties they've rehabbed continues to grow, and now much needed housing is part of the output.
One way street grid ... for something that has existed for only 1/4 of the city's history, misplaced urban arterials exercise a profound grip on the waking lives of city officials. As examples from the remainder of the country illustrate the myriad benefits to be derived from city streets functioning as they were originally intended, New Albany power brokers glaze over with terror at the prospect of being contemporary and pro-active (see Our local Democratic Party and Jeff Speck below).
New Albany's $19-million gold-plated parks upgrade ... well, no one ever said anything about being able to visit them without the use of a car. We all drive somewhere to exercise, right? RIGHT?
Jeff Speck ... the apostle of walkability's NA streets study was awarded very early in the year, and as we await its oft-delayed and politically-fouled release, it becomes increasingly apparent that he's being paid not just to script street grid solutions, but to provide political cover for City Hall's terrified occupants.
Jeff Gahan … during three years on the job, municipal government's daily operations bear the mayor's stamp: Inward, paranoid and hermetic. Agoraphobia never had it this good, but his hologram is the hardest working computer-generated image in show business.
John Rosenberger and his Main Street Deforestation Project … Main Street also needs some gold-plated spigots for watering the flowers in the median, but because the city of New Albany has opportunistically spent "free" state monies, as intended to be used for future maintenance, on a showpiece project the engineering of which contradicts most of what paid consultant Speck is about to advise us to do, we may have to do without and use plain metal. The only sure thing is that Rosenbarger will lie so often about it that his nose will become the Greenway's Silver Creek span.
Our local Democratic Party … but logically speaking, can non-corporeal bodies capture corporeal awards? Quick, someone find a theologian, a ham-fisted censor, Connie Sipes or Walt Disney.
Our local Republican Party ... it dominated county elections in 2014. Will the hot streak carry over into 2015 when city offices are chosen? Will Steve Burks be appointed to complete Mark Seabrook's term after the latter topples Gahan in 2015? Will the chairman emeritus still have coffee with me? Stay tuned.
Monster trucks, running amok ... New Albany's new slogan: "Truck Through City" ... Part 54: Jeff Gahan averts his gaze as dump trucks keep dumping all over us.
Give me some feedback, and I'll arrange a short list as a poll at Facebook.
1 comment:
David Camm for his announcement of an attempt to reach back into Floyd County's wallet.
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