Pre-synopsis of that "other" Top-Down Business Not-For-Profit meeting, this morning at The Exchange.

(4:35 p.m. update ... it may not surprise you to learn that others on the list received e-vitations. It would appear that I've been disfellowshipped. If so, the feeling is mutual)

I'd have let you known sooner, but there was no e-mail announcement, and I'm sure this was no more than an unfortunate administrative oversight.

There's a meeting this morning.

Yes, I understand the confusion, so let's go back and take another look at the types of meetings being held. Insofar as the transmission of information is concerned, there are two classes of meeting pertaining to merchants, groups and fellow travelers in downtown New Albany.

1. Grassroots meeting ... once a month, referred to as the Merchant Meeting. This is the one where merchants discuss what they can do to make up for the city's inaction.

2. Top-Down meeting ... every other month, referred to variously as the business organizations meeting and the not-for-profit group meeting. This is the one where the city makes numerous excuses for its inaction and then reads its own press releases to attending representatives of DNA, NA First, etc.

The next Grassroots Merchant Meeting meeting comes next week. Planning a Beer Hall Putsch? Then this is the one that needs to be considered.

Merchant Meeting next Tuesday morning, Dec. 16, at 8:30 a.m., at Strandz & Threadz.

Meanwhile, the next Top-Down Business Organizations Not-For-Profit Group meeting apparently is this morning, at 8:30 a.m., upstairs at The Exchange. It previously was scheduled for November, but postponed because the city's economic development "director" could not be there.

Downtown business owner: "Without the city itself doing more, we can kiss (revitalization) goodbye."

Instead of actually attending, which would require time, effort and Job-like patience on my part, perhaps I can save us all a trip by offering this synopsis of what will be handed from the top down by the city to its key organizational leaders.

Later this morning, Mr. Duggins will say ...

A. We (the city and the mayor) are doing everything we can to respond randomly and in purely piecemeal fashion to needs arising downtown, whether they pertain to infrastructure or "development." All these objections about us not having a clue and being aloof come to you from malcontents who've never strung the first Christmas light, and should be ignored.

B. Clearly a lot of small businesses are going out of business, and that's their fault, because what we do to ensure the continued viability of larger businesses in the industrial park cannot be replicated in smaller senses, primarily because we've no idea how, and the oodles of $ we're prepared to give a development company to entice them to build on the Coyle property is different from what we're not doing to incentivize local developers, and that's because I said so. Got it? All these objections about us not having an economic development plan downtown come to you from malcontents who've never had a real job and ought to be working at Amazon, and should be ignored.

C. No one in attendance wants to hear about insignificant esoterica in relation to the sheer magnitude of two-way streets, traffic calming, bike lanes, walkability and all those eggheaded concepts and how they might impact economic development and quality of life; besides, I personally understand little of it, and collectively, we at City Hall are terrified to speak of potential changes aloud, and besides, if all goes according to plan, there will not be any risk of so much as contemplating implementation until after the next election cycle. All these objections about our foot-dragging and refusal to get behind this wonderful far-off future effort come to you from book-reading malcontents and should be ignored.

D. But the Main Street Improvement Project results are super peachy and clearly rank with the Champs Elysees in terms of stunning visual impact, and even those hoity-toity burgs over in his beloved Europe don't have street numbers this classy. We'll be giving John Rosenbarger a nice raise and stunning new honorific titles in appreciation. All these objections about cost and diverted trucks come to you from malcontents and should be ignored, because just because they're traveled around and all doesn't mean they know Jack Schitt. But I do. He lives in Sellersburg.

E. Who ever heard about bitching over a prayer breakfast, anyway? All these objections about the separation of church and state come from craft beer-drinking malcontents and should be ignored. I mean seriously, Miller Lite was good enough for Father Aloysius, right?

F. You fine folks at DNA and that other organization whose name always gets away from me -- something about independence -- well, you're all doing a fine job with nothing, and so we'll continue to support you ... with nothing, and recommend any and all small-time investors to talk with you or Mike Kopp instead of us, because downtown's all right, but it ain't the industrial park, is it? So, in closing, keep up the good work, and we'll meet again in two months so I can give you the lowdown on what we're planning to let you know about. Just remember that all these objections about us come to you from malcontents and should be ignored.

G. Seabrook's not really running for mayor, is he?