At a morning press conference held outside his favorite table inside La Bocca, outgoing Mayor Doug England vowed to kill his 2007 campaign pledge to achieve downtown two-way street conversions.
“What’s done is done,” said England. “I can’t let that turncoat b*****d Mike Moore get all the d****d headlines for stopping Tommy’s canal.”
Reminded that he’d chosen a Republican to pretend to be a Democrat and succeed him as mayor, a plan scotched by Democratic primary voters even before his own council bid was repelled, England snapped.
“That’s why this town doesn’t deserve two-way streets,” he thundered. “Party, schmarty -- it’s all about not gittin’ her done. With Carl back at the wheel, Irv as figurehead and me on the council working part-time, the three of us easily could have renewed my unkept campaign pledge all the way through 2015 – and we’d have had four more years not to fulfill it!”
Pausing as the maître d' topped off his red wine, England continued.
“Now, without me and Carl to appoint our friends and relatives to all those boards, who the f**k is going to take the credit for all the two-way streets that didn’t come into existence while we were mayor? They sure don’t stay one-way on their own, bi****s.”
(“Forgotten Old Campaign Promises” is scheduled to run through December 31st on the third floor of the City-County Building. For box office and ticket information, contact the the mayor’s web site: www.EnglandForStumlerForMayorOrMaybeEvenCouncilInA Pinch.org)
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1 comment:
LMAO! Despite the fact that, more often than not, I think you (and your SUPPOSEDLY tired muse) are totally off the wall (though on this subject, I agree), this is hysterical! We may differ in our positions on the political continuum, but I enthusiastically applaud your talent for dialog and characterization!
Hope you can convince the bitchy muse to continue to write scripts like this while you tend to the mundane capitalism of running several businesses!
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