New Albany is a state of mind … but whose? Since 2004, we’ve been observing the contemporary scene in this slowly awakening old river town. If it’s true that a pre-digital stopped clock is right twice a day, when will New Albany learn to tell time?
The Economist Espresso is a short morning briefing that comes to me via iPhone app. It isn't published on Sunday, and on Saturday, the tone turns more lighthearted.
I'd heard of the Spanish fiesta dedicated to tomato fights.
Saucy: La Tomatina"On Wednesday, Buñol in Spain will again host the world’s biggest food-fight. The first rule is your weapon must be a tomato."
However, this is a new one.
Murky affairs: bog-snorkelling"Held annually in Wales, the competition attracts athletes from around the world, who must swim two 55m lengths through a trench of murky, leech-filled water."
It'scoming close to 30 years for me as a subscriber to The Economist. Good stuff still.
Welcome to the Hot Potato Spa Lounge in the gorgeous Merchants National Happy Ending Building on the “massage corner” of Pearl and Main in beautiful downtown New Albany.
APPLAUSE
Our very special guest tonight has been drinking iced tea, eating PBJs and wowing the GOP precinct committee conclaves, and now he’s here for this exclusive one night engagement.
CHANTING: KZ KZ KZ KZ KZ KZ KZ KZ KZ
He’s waited long enough, don’t you think? Now, give it up for New Albany’s next mayor, Kevin Zurschmiede!
APPLAUSE, HOOTS, HOLLERS
Hello, New Albany! I’m awfully happy to be here, and let me tell you, after these past few weeks, I can only hope all the red hot NA chicks will still vote for me in November
HAR HAR HAR HAR
Of course, I may have to run for mayor somewhere in Thailand.
HA HA HA HA
But seriously, how could anyone expect a 54-year-old white guy from li’l ol’ Nawbony to know anything about sex slavery? Heck, I thought human trafficking is what happens when trucks run over those walkability nut jobs like that Baylor guy.
AUDIENCE MEMBER LAUGHS SO HARD HE SNORTS BUD LIGHT THROUGH HIS NOSE
And you wanna know what else gripes my cookies?
NO WHAT? TELL US PLEASE C’MON YOUR HONOR
Some has-been Democrat getting’ all prissy about porn flicks (rolls his eyes).
HA HA HA HA HA HA
I mean, like SHE’S never gone out with a six pack of Red, White and Blue and looked through the slats at Theatair-X. Man, I miss the drive-in.
HAR HAR HAR HAR
Porn, schmorn. It was just a remote control malfunction, geez louise. Me, I’ve never learned how to use those newfangled remotes. Once I was waiting to have my teeth cleaned, and I pushed the wrong button – BOOM, right there in the dentist’s office, naked folks going at it like they were Asians in a SPA or something.
HA HA HA YOU’RE KILLING ME HA HA HA
Of course, nothing REALLY happened. It was that soft core North Korean stuff.
OOOHHH AAHHHH ... DOING THE REPUBLICAN WAVE
I tell ya, this place is full of Democrats, and I don’t get no respect.
CHEERS, WHISTLES, LAUGHTER
I picked up the newspaper, and it said the police department was investigating my tenants. And they weren’t even talking about one of my rundown rental properties!
HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR
Seriously, what’s the police have against these nice young Asian gals? A JOB’S a JOB, right?
HELL YEAH TELL E’M KEV YOU DA MAN
Enough of all that. Keith says I don’t have to cop a plea, and besides, once all the bleeding hearts started yammering, I cleaned house, so tell me, what does the sign on the door of the Hot Potato Spa say nowadays?
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
Beat it. We're closed.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Thank you, thank you. Now I’ll probably have to rent the space to some penny ante tax preparer. You’ve been a great crowd. Don’t forget to donate to my campaign on the way out.
APPLAUSE. CHANTS. SOMEONE RECITES THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.
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