Coffey lands a role in Game of Drones as council passes littering ordinance, though not before an appearance by the ghost of James Stockdale.

Last Monday, less than 24 hours before the scandal-plagued Jeff Gahan's Super Tuesday vote-buying extravaganza allowed Dan "Tulips or Two Lips" Coffey to play-act as the face of historic preservation in New Albany, Coffey was doing the mayor's bidding in council, gleefully riding point in an effort to slow a litter ordinance that Gahan reasoned would make the mayor appear diminished in the face of activism from a Republican (in this instance, Al Knable).

The ordinance passed with only Coffey dissenting, but the debate had the curious effect of opening the James Stockdale Memorial Window of Existential Confusion, through which Knable's accidental colleague David Aebersold swan-dove.

Aebersold became bizarrely fixated on two questions, which he kept repeating aloud as though disoriented, referring constantly to "they," which remained undefined, although in this context it functions similarly to the cartoonist Bil Keane's famous "Not Me" and "Ida Know" phantoms:

1. How can we pass laws not knowing if "they" will enforce them?

2. I'd like to know what "they" think before we vote a third time on an ordinance we approved 9-0 the first two times.

Well, David, seeing as you're a Republican, one thing you might do to enhance enforcement is spend time every day making the point to New Albany voters that your legislative body has handed Team Gahan a clean-up tool, and consequently, it's up to Team Gahan's executive branch to use it -- and if "they" don't, there'll be electoral ramifications.

In the case of littering, you might find quite a few Democrats inclined to agree with you.

As for what "they" think about ordinances and enforcement, David, you had two and a half weeks following the first two readings to hoist your bulk from the chair and go ask them. If their answers don't measure up, then see my comments preceding; rally your own team, and hold Team Gahan's feet to the proverbial fire.

I know. It means you'll have to show some initiative and put forth a modicum of effort. Sorry about that, but ironically, had Jeff Gahan not placed a premium on kneecapping his fellow party member John Gonder (and dragging Shirley Baird down with him) in 2015, it's doubtful you'd have been elected to an at-large council seat in the first place.

Might as well make lemonade from these lemons, David. Independents like me might even help you. You have a bit of power, so use it.

New Albany City Council approves tougher litter law, by Erin Walden (Religion Columnists Multiply Like Rabbits)

Council debates completeness and feasibility of "core" bill before passing

NEW ALBANY — After debate among officials regarding the completeness and feasibility of a proposed litter ordinance, the New Albany City Council officially approved a new law that will impose harsher fines on litterbugs in the city.

The final reading of the ordinance passed 7-1 during Monday night's meeting, with councilman Dan Coffey voting against the ordinance. Councilman Scott Blair was absent during that portion of the meeting.

Deaf Gahan mulls bringing King Larry out of retirement to toss a spanner in council's littering ordinances.

You may not be aware of the vital information conveyed by Communications Spigot Anchor Wielder (Welder?) Mike Hall from Mayor Jeff Gahan to the assembled city council representatives on July 20.

Ooh ... aah.

Special thanks to local jazz legend Jamey Aebersold for this musical accompaniment.

Later during the July meeting, following Dan Coffey's vivid denunciation of sidewalk cafes, the Wizard of Westside used a DQ paper napkin to wipe his lips of barbecued bologna flecks and sauce, and voted "yea" with all eight colleagues on the first two readings of two ordinance amendments aimed at littering.

The newspaper's education correspondent (?) was there to record the meeting for posterity.

New Albany City Council approves stronger litter ordinance, by Erin Walden (Hanson People-Focused Advertising Accumulator)

NEW ALBANY — New Albany City Council took major strides to make the city, as one council member put it, an “overall cleaner city” Thursday night.

The governing body passed a litter ordinance that imposes much heavier fines for littering, structured to make citizens think twice before dropping a cigarette butt, ditching a bag of trash instead of paying for a trash service or dumping an appliance.

Tonight there'll be third readings of these bills, and one would imagine their passage is a foregone conclusion given unanimous 9-0 votes.

I've been to fewer council meetings in 2017 than previous years, but we must remember that back when separate votes were taken on all three readings (nowadays the first two are lumped together), Luminous Larry Kochert managed to vote yes, no and abstain during three readings of one piece of legislation over a span of two meetings.

This littering initiative also is ripe for chicanery, and when self-inflicted wounds are the objective, Gahan's your main man.

Gahan has talked his usual big game about "reform," while doing almost nothing to change those preconditions that might spur genuine change. The prime movers of these ordinances are Al Knable and David Barksdale, both Republicans. So is Gahan, although he likes to think of himself as a Democrat. Knable is mulling a mayoral run. If the ordinance passes, it will be Gahan's responsibility to enforce it.

Put all these ingredients in a blender, add some ice cubes and a double deuce of Bud Light Lime-A-Rita, and behold the ensuing frozen toadstool broth.

I predict Gahan will try to "uncredit" Knable by mounting a diversionary assault on the littering ordinance, using Lanky Gibson's lawyerly legerdemain as pretext -- and such is my commitment to quality entertainment that I'll actually attend the meeting tonight just in case amusing pyrotechnics break out.

Live tweeting? Maybe. Depends on that ol' devil martini.