Thursday, November 19, 2009

Price to council: Do as I don't, not as them people say.

New Albany, Indiana (NAC) -- Steve Price says enough is enough, and tonight he’ll introduce a resolution before the city council calling for their health insurance benefits to be withdrawn.

"Like all them uninsured Americans everywhere, it's our job as councilmen not to get sick," Price told reporters. "People are hurtin', and everyone else should hurt just as much, 'cuz that's the American Dream."

Price, who has claimed in the past to be such an ineffective manager of his rental property business that he “doesn’t make any money out of it,” stopped short of calling for the complete abolition of council wages.

“After all,” said Price, “I gotta buy some dog food for when the scraps run out, and some longnecks for me now and then, except for when I sing, and then the guys at the VFW buy me beers so I’ll stop. God love 'em.”

But the 3rd District councilman vows to bring another list of austerity measures before his colleagues.

“I reckon there’s a whole bunch of things we can do without, and then we’ll be examples to the taxpayer of how poor we council people can be and still do a teensy tiny bit of the job they elected us to do.”

Price specified five areas for immediate council member household cuts.

"Heck, I'm doing without these already, so why can't they honor the taxpayer by cutting unnecessary expenses?"

Flush toilets … “We ain’t got no sewers, anyhows, and there’s nuthin’ like running to the outhouse in the dead of winter to make you think of the rate payer.”

Pasteurized milk … “It just a French word that adds pennies to the gallon, and for what?”

Water heaters … “Them people waste too much water takin’ baths, anyway.”

Automatic transmissions … “Son of an Erika, they’re plumb dangerous on icy streets, and lemme tell ya, there’s gonna be more ice than ever after I get rid of the salt subsidy.”

Electricity … “I done me a study – didn’t have to pay some pointy head for it – and it shows that if you take away the juice, none of them expensive gadgets’ll run, anyways. Heck, according to Dave Ramsey, we don't even need none of 'em."

Benefits in doubt? Price proposing elimination of council health insurance, by Daniel Suddeath (News and Tribune).

Resolution challenges city health insurance for New Albany council members, by Grace Schneider (Courier-Journal)

3 comments:

Jeff Gillenwater said...

Hairshirts, apparently, were too expensive.

ecology warrior said...

are those his actual quotes or are you creating quotes for satire? I havent seen the trib story yet

The New Albanian said...

Satire. However, I overheard him say the bit about making nothing from his rentals.