Let the tailgating vigil begin: Council meeting tonight.

Steel band in the distance
And their music floats across the bay
While American women in muumuus
Talk about all the things they did today
And their husbands quack about fishing
As they slug those rum drinks down
Discussing who caught what and who sat on his butt
But it's the only show in town.

--Jimmy Buffett, “Cowboy in the Jungle”

The first of two December city council meetings kicks off tonight at 7:30 p.m., and there are almost enough intriguing storylines for a Robert Altman film – who would the director have cast in the role of New Albany’s resident Joe McCarthy clone Dan Coffey, or the ever unctuous and scheming Slippery Larry Kochert?

Alas, now we’ll never know. Rest in peace, Bob.

(This just in: 3rd district councilman Steve Price votes “no” to the mayor’s “tax ‘n’ spend, rest in peace motion,” citing a lack of hope that the pie will ever get bigger.)

Later today, the evening’s council agenda will be posted here at the city clerk’s web site, New Albany City Government.

In terms of council business, there’ll surely be another dollop of ambulance chasing, with CM Coffey either completely positive that he knows more about driving an ambulance than any other person in attendance, or entirely lacking sufficient information to decide whether his driving license is in his pocket, or lying atop an “antique” dresser at the auction house.

(Another bulletin: After long deliberation over generic cornflakes – the ones recommended by Dave Ramsey for debt as well as hunger relief – 3rd district councilman Steve Price votes “no,” citing a lack of 2% milk.)

CM Price, who in the past has vigorously defended the denizens of local legion halls against intrusion by big government federal agents seeking to confiscate video poker machines, going so far as to play the “N” (for Nazi) card, surely is uncomfortable with 4th district CM Kochert’s forthcoming anti-smoking ordinance, but with hints dropped and press coverage instigated, the crowd now occupies a position somewhat to the front of the chamber’s folding metal chairs.

When will His Oiliness put forth the proposition that second-hand smoke is more deserving of the council’s attention than 4th-hand rental housing deficiencies?

In fairness, and for equal time, CM Kochert’s viewpoint is supported and echoed in this letter to the Tribune from longtime local anti-smoking advocate (and superb musician) Jamey Aebersold.

(Straight across the wire: 3rd district councilman Steve Price votes “no” to our decision to cite Aebersold’s letter, citing Price’s persistent inability to play those insane jazz licks with a guitar – although George Benson’s free to try it if he prefers, so long as the taxpayer isn’t unduly burdened.)

The council’s 2007 electoral rumorama currently has Democratic 5th district councilwoman Bev Crump declining to run for second term and Republican Dick Bliss, whom CM Crump defeated last time out, coming back in a bid to reclaim his seat.

In another comeback sequel, longtime 3rd district councilman Maury Goldberg seems set to challenge nominal fellow Democrat and incumbent Price, who emerged victorious from a three-way primary split in 2003 and has gone on to become the council’s most transparently Luddite voice against human progress.

(According to carrier pigeon dispatch from Dewey Heights, 3rd district councilman Steve Price votes “no” to former councilman Goldberg’s decision to run, citing a desire to continue in office and finish his work on behalf of the litt … ghg …le …ked … pl .. hey, CM Coffey, put down that diet coke!)

At the last council meeting, 2nd district councilman Bill Schmidt was quoted by the Tribune as having issued a tongue-in-cheek threat to move Up Knob if the city’s drainage problems don’t abate. Look for more details from the Gang of Four News Agency, and keep your eyes on our legion of real estate agents.

Meanwhile, 4th district resident John Alton has spoken of the possibility of challenging the unclothed imperial CM Kochert.

There is no word as to whether opposition to the 1st district Wizard of Westside’s reign will develop, as the area remains isolated, and it has proven an effective strategy for CM Coffey to jam the television and radio signals of Radio Free Westendia, and hold frequent “Die! East End Neighborhood Associations” rallies on his favorite street, the Champs d’Ward Heeler.

The future plans of 6th district councilman (and council president) Jeff Gahan, a Democrat, are unknown, although it’s worth noting that his precincts leaned strongly against progressive Democratic commissioner candidate Randy Stumler, and for Republican Mark Seabrook, in the recently contested 2006 general election. Was it a favorite son vote, or a GOP trend in CM Gahan’s hood?

Of more immediate impact, here’s the latest word from Saturday’s Tribune on the disposition of departing at-large councilman Seabrook’s lone Republican seat on the council: Seabrook will be replaced Friday; Several interim council candidates expected at GOP caucus.

New Albany Republicans plan to meet Friday night to choose one of several candidates to serve the fourth and final year of County Commissioner-elect Mark Seabrook’s City Council term …

… Conversations with several party members have consistently centered on three names: builder and real estate agent Kevin Zurschmiede, former Councilman Kenny Keilman and retiree Harry Harbison.

At-large Democrat Jack Messer is rumored to be considering non-council political objectives, and it is uncertain what fellow at-large Democrat Donnie Blevins will be doing.

It’s confusing, it’s entertaining, and all we know for sure is that when it comes down to the last available cliché, we can depend on only one thing in this voyeur’s life.

CM Price’s “no” vote – the plaintive wail, the mangled chord, and the admission of defeat in this struggle to reclaim a city.