Welcome to the random conspiracy generator, restaurant seminar edition.

Yesterday, NAC's afternoon happy hour menu concluded with this palate cleanser from Develop New Albany, in the form of a first-ever Restaurant Seminar:

Guest Speakers Include: Fire Marshall - Chris Koehler, Floyd County Health Department - Dawn Stackhouse, Local Restaurant owner - Mike Kapfhammer, Horseshoe Foundation - Jerry Finn and learn about NEW events planned for 2014.

I raised an eyebrow; wouldn't you?

After all, a New Albany restaurant seminar featuring a Jeffersonville restaurant owner ... and Jerry Finn of the Horseshoe Foundation, who has nothing to do with local restaurants apart from being a mighty fine customer.

I'm told now that the seminar is being organized (with a scant week's notice) by a realtor and former mayoral spouse, and is intended as a way to let all the food and drink operators know about fire and health codes.

Which we do already (believe me), or at the very least should know.

On top of all this, there is the recent phenomenon of various summonses being issued to local food and drink operators, by the city's economic development team.

Maybe I'm jaundiced, but the experience of Come to City makes me wary.

Man, what's really going down?

I'm headed to the city council meeting. Maybe do some pol-whispering ... or grow me a crop of dental floss.

DNA announces a restaurant seminar. There's a punch line somewhere, but I can't find it.

I received the following a few minutes ago, along with all the other folks on DNA's e-mail list.

The seminar is next Wednesday. It's the first I've heard of it, and I suppose it's worth attending, if for no other reason than to ask Dawn Stackhouse why her health department chieftains refuse to accept the Indiana Attorney General's perfectly conherent decree on temporary food permits, draft beer pours, and why Dr. Harris needs to butt out.

And yet, dear readers, does any aspect of the following strike you as ... hmm, well ... odd?

As in, out of place? I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe you can help me. Reply in the comments section.

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Develop New Albany Restaurant Seminar - February 26th

Develop New Albany is hosting a Restaurant Seminar on February 26th from 8:30am - 10:30am at the Downtown New Albany Best Western Plus (former Holiday Inn) at 411 West Spring Street.

Guest Speakers Include: Fire Marshall - Chris Koehler, Floyd County Health Department - Dawn Stackhouse, Local Restaurant owner - Mike Kapfhammer, Horseshoe Foundation - Jerry Finn and learn about NEW events planned for 2014.

Restaurant owners and/or employees are invited to attend. This is a free event. Please RSVP by phone or email Ph#502-592-0878 or TeresaBaxter@remax.net

NSP, DMB, SOL.

It's politics, you know.

(We need an investigation)

It's politics, you know.

(Let's let the state do it)

It's politics, you know.

(Can't be too careful with that Federal money)

It's Coffey tics, you know. Previously, there was this: Who dunnit? My money's on that copperhead over there.

And this.

Transparency? That's a fine idea. Found any yet?

Following is the official reporting. Sighhh.

State to get conflict-of-interest probe over New Albany home purchase; Gonder: Review gives impression of political motivation regarding councilwoman, by Daniel Suddeath (News and Tribune)

NEW ALBANY — On Tuesday, the New Albany Redevelopment Commission voted in favor of allowing the state to rule on whether the purchase of a home by a city council member’s niece would constitute a conflict-of-interest.

The issue revolves around the niece of Councilwoman Diane McCartin-Benedetti, who was a day away from closing on the purchase of a house at 315 E. 11th St. when the city administration froze the deal so it could be reviewed.

The house was refurbished through the $6.7 million federal Neighborhood Stabilization Program, which is managed at the state level by the Indiana Housing and Community Development Authority, or IHCDA. Benedetti served as a nonvoting council liaison to an NSP board that was set up by former Mayor Doug England. She also was a member of the redevelopment commission while the project was being implemented.

Who dunnit? My money's on that copperhead over there.

Yesterday, we considered the Case of the Councilperson's NSP Niece:

Transparency? That's a fine idea. Found any yet?

Therein, we linked to the newspaper's account of this horrendous scandal (italics below by the editor) whilst pondering who was doing who.

New Albany councilwoman subject of conflict-of-interest review; Diane Benedetti’s niece was in process of purchasing NSP home

 ... City Councilman Dan Coffey serves on the redevelopment commission.

“First off, I hope it’s not true. Because if it’s true, what they did put the city in a lot of jeopardy as far as future grants,” he said, as Coffey added he feels sorry for Benedetti’s niece if she ultimately isn’t allowed to move into the home. “But for every person like that involved, there’s somebody else out there that didn’t get a chance.”

Coffey said an independent agency or individual not associated with the project or local officials should also review the situation.

“As a city official, you cannot try to push anything that’s going to benefit yourself or a family member,” he said. 

Now we have yet further unwanted testimony, with the long-silent Gary "The Gary" McCartin weighing in. His words are among the comments at the article on-line (underlined passage below courtesy of the editor).

This is welcome news that finally my daughter can be exonerated for simply taking advantage of a program that allows her to purchase her first home for her and my grandson to live in! My sister had absolutely nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, to do to influence, persuade, or effect the transaction with New Directions or anyone associated with the purchase of the home, and the suggestion that anything otherwise is unwarranted and unfair to everyone involved.We are thankful that at the end of this review that it will be transparent that there was and is no conflict of interest, and that the program in fact is working as it was intended to do, and that my daughter can proceed to owning her first home as she so innocently desired to do in the first place. I applaud Mr. Duggins and Mr. Gibson and the staff for requesting this review to insure the assurance of transparency and protections to insure that nothing should jeopardize future funding for such worthwhile projects in the central areas of our community!

First, to even begin fathoming the rampant hypocrisy of The Gary's reference to "worthwhile" centrality, we must turn back the pages of the calendar to January, 2006, and an article in which I quoted a newspaper account of The Gary's downtown redevelopment pontifications: The Gary: An excess of pure, unadulterated ego? Perhaps tolerable in the exurban sprawl, but not relevant to downtown New Albany.

Not everyone is convinced that Scribner Place will be the great catalyst for downtown New Albany. Longtime developer Gary McCartin doesn’t think people are interested in living downtown. And he doesn’t think a YMCA will entice people to do so

… Instead, he thinks people would rather have a yard and live near their church and other conveniences …

… McCartin reviewed the plans for Scribner Place when they were originally introduced by former Mayor Regina Overton.

“My expertise told me it was not a winner,” he said.

McCartin thinks there is hope for downtown. He thinks city officials should use their power of eminent domain to tear down some buildings and determine what would be best to erect. He thinks some part of the downtown could be utilized for discount-priced retailers.

“It’s (about) getting the right facilities,” he said.

That was then, and this is now. It's 2013, and bizarrely, those "right facilities" include NSP housing rehabs, and yet apart from "how the mighty hath fallen" ruminations, who really cares whether The Gary's daughter (Ms. Benedetti's niece) buys one of them, so long as she qualifies according to the parameters of the program?

Dan Coffey apparently does. You see, Dan's currently the City Hall whip on council; Pat McLaughlin may be titular head, but Coffey's the one banging heads to spend millions on selected quality of life projects (let's hope someone in the Gahan administration is keeping track of what is due Coffey for these services), and if The Gary sees fit to publicly "applaud" city officials for exonerating his daughter -- not blame them for bringing it up in the first place -- then Coffey's your man on the scene.

It's artful, at least in that low-rent, oozing sort of way that forever defines this city's underachieving political culture. Coffey wields the hatchet to punish Benedetti for being the sole "Democrat" on council who is refusing to follow the party line on expenditures. Any mud generated lands on the whip, who is accustomed to groveling in it not unlike a slop-flecked hog, and city officials pose angelically off to the side ... message duly dispatched. Afterwards, there'll be cigarettes all around and a quick rinsing in the lazy river at Camille Wright.

Then again, perhaps The Gary speaks facetiously in commending the city. Rather than be troubled at the pronouncements, we'll just leave him be, out there in the fringe, scouting fresh new greenfields to pave, because none of it changes an ever-escalating pattern of ugliness.

There is weird complicity, and things are getting strange again. Benedetti's niece? She's the very least of it.

At August 6 meeting, council's fund transfer a crutchfelt gesture.

Ignoring the larger debate about the appropriateness of transferring city council discretionary funds to the board of works, let's focus on a strange but revealing smaller matter attached to it.

It would appear that at least publicly, nothing definite about the future disposition of the funds was revealed. Quotes are from the newspaper's coverage.

(Diane) Benedetti pressed (Dan) Coffey as to what specifically the money would be spent for, and though he referenced bicentennial efforts, he refused to specifically earmark the money.

Consequently, with nothing concrete being revealed -- at least publicly -- CM CeeSaw took a pass.

(Bob) Caesar cited his involvement with the New Albany Bicentennial Commission as his reason for abstaining from the vote. Councilwoman Shirley Baird joined Zurschmiede and Benedetti in voting against the measure.

It isn't about the Bicentennial, and yet a bicentennial commission stalwart abstains. Interesting, as was CM Baird's even more bizarre counter-offer:

She requested Coffey amend his proposal to earmark a total of $43,000 for the bicentennial commission and Develop New Albany.

“That way we’ll know where at least about half the money is going to,” she said, though Baird didn’t specify what Develop New Albany or the bicentennial commission would use the money to fund.

This proves conclusively that CM Baird lacks a sense of ironic humor; if so, surely she would have requested money for Develop New Albany in the amount of $108,000.

The Hanson Pop-Up-Sprinkled full story is here: Disputed money transfer to New Albany board of works approved; Council also unanimously passes ethics commission on initial readings

Today's selected Kinks lyric: "Destroyer."

Met a girl called lola and I took her back to my place
Feelin guilty, feelin scared, hidden cameras everywhere
Stop! hold on. stay in control

Girl, I want you here with me
But Im really not as cool as Id like to be
cause theres a red, under my bed
And theres a little yellow man in my head
And theres a true blue inside of me
That keeps stoppin me, touchin ya, watchin ya, lovin ya

Paranoia, the destroyer.
Paranoia, the destroyer.

Well I fell asleep, then I woke feelin kinda queer
Lola looked at me and said, ooh you look so weird.
She said, man, theres really something wrong with you.
One day youre gonna self-destruct.
Youre up, youre down, I cant work you out
You get a good thing goin then you blow yourself out.

Silly boy ya self-destroyer. silly boy ya self-destroyer

Silly boy you got so much to live for
So much to aim for, so much to try for
You blowing it all with paranoia
Youre so insecure you self-destroyer

(and it goes like this, here it goes)
Paranoia, the destroyer
(here it goes again)
Paranoia, the destroyer

Dr. dr. help me please, I know youll understand
Theres a time device inside of me, Im a self-destructin man
Theres a red, under my bed
And theres a little green man in my head
And he said, youre not goin crazy, youre just a bit sad
cause theres a man in ya, knawin ya, tearin ya into two.

Silly boy ya self-destroyer.
Paranoia, the destroyer

Self-destroyer, wreck your health
Destroy friends, destroy yourself
The time device of self-destruction
Light the fuse and start eruption

(yea, it goes like this, here it goes)
Paranoia, the destroyer
(heres to paranoia)
Paranoia, the destroyer
(hey hey, here it goes)
Paranoia, the destroyer
(and it goes like this)

Paranoia, the destroyer
(and it goes like this.)

(Substitute female perspective for male, and see: New Albany activist's arrest, drug charges surprise many, by the C-J's Dick Kaukas)