The plaque-ing of the New Albany Riverfront Amphitheater began with the late Darrell Sweet, drummer for Nazareth.

The clip's from 1981.

Way back on October 4, 2008, a bar bet was settled here at NAC.

Mark Keeler said that the drummer for Nazareth died in New Albany after 1995. I said he died before the pub started business in 1992. Let the record show that Darrell Sweet died in 1999, which means that Mark was right and I was wrong. Can anyone remember why Nazareth decided to play New Albany in the first place?

Better stated: Who booked Nazareth to play New Albany?

Here is the rest of the story. Darrell Sweet, drummer and founding member of the Scottish rock band Nazareth, took ill before a scheduled show at the New Albany Riverfront Amphitheater on April 30, 1999. He was taken to (then) Floyd Memorial Hospital, where he died of a heart attack at 51 years of age.

Fans of Nazareth commissioned a commemorative plaque for Sweet, which was affixed to the rear of the stage (facing the Ohio River) at some point prior to 2008, when the topic entered the barroom transcript.

Here is my 2012 photo.

A closer look.

And the plaque above Darrell Sweet's?

Circa 2011, this plaque was presented by the local Democratic Party to Shelle England. It was followed by a plaque of different design for her husband (and three-term mayor) Doug England. Both were mounted at the amphitheater by mid-2012.

Ironically, without boatloads of money from the Clark-Floyd Counties Convention and Tourism Bureau, there would not have been an amphitheater reconstruction following wind damage in 2008, and hence no Bicentennial gift for England to bequeath.

Alas, these funds never seem to get mentioned.

The preceding three plaques eventually were joined in 2012 by a richly deserved memorial to the late Kevin Hammersmith.

Somehow I get the impression that when it comes time to affix a Gahan plaque, we'll no longer be measuring in inches.

Old Albania (photo credit Michel Setboun)

On this blogging day in 2007: Luddite testimonials and DNA's mayoral forum.

There were two posts on October 23, 2007. The first refers to the infamous and now entirely forgotten era of the Trog Blog Wars.

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Okay, so I changed my mind ...sue me already.

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The second posits the inconceivable (DNA being neutral about politics prior to its annexation by Deaf Gahan) grafted onto the "look how far we've ... er ... never mind." Stay tuned for 2019, when Deaf will dodge many of these same questions.

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Reminder: "Develop New Albany to Host Mayoral Candidates Forum" on Wednesday night.

(From Develop New Albany)

Develop New Albany, the City’s non-profit, Main Street organization is hosting a Mayoral Candidates Forum to be held on Wednesday, October 24th from 7:00 - 9:00 pm at the Strassweg Auditorium at the New Albany-Floyd County Public Library.

The forum will consist of two 45-minute question-and-answer sessions with a 10-15-minute break in between. Mr. Randy Hubbard, Republican mayoral candidate, has agreed to participate in the first session and Mr. England, Democratic mayoral candidate, has agreed to participate in the second session which is anticipated to begin at 8:15 p.m. Neither candidate is invited to attend the session in which the opposing candidate is featured.

The sessions will be moderated by Greg Sekula, Develop New Albany Vice-President, and a series of questions will be asked by the moderator that relate to the issues of downtown and neighborhood revitalization. The public is invited and encouraged to attend.

The following topical issues are likely to be covered in the forum in no particular order:

1) Your vision for Downtown New Albany;

2) Strategies for furthering economic development in Downtown New Albany and surrounding older business districts such as the Vincennes and State Street corridors;

3) Addressing problems associated with rental housing conditions including absentee property ownership, illegally subdivided structures, and your position on a City-initiated rental housing inspection program;

4) Strategies for promoting and increasing homeownership and re-investment in older urban neighborhoods;

5) Relationships between the City and local neighborhood associations and non-profit groups;

6) Historic preservation, including the role of the Historic Preservation Commission, historic district designation, and design guidelines;

7) One-way vs. two-way street circulation patterns in the Downtown;

8) Enforcement of violations of City ordinances;

9) Aging infrastructure;

10) Upkeep of downtown streets and public spaces;

11) Ohio River Greenway project;

12) City-County Building space issues;

13) Relationship between the office of Mayor and City Council;

14) The role of public transportation in downtown revitalization and regional economic development;

15) Strategies for the City and school system to work together to strengthen inner-city schools and what impact that would have on downtown neighborhoods; and

16) Strategies for combating neighborhood crime, particularly drug activity.

For more information contact Develop New Albany at 812/941-0018 or e-mail here.

Sidewalk parking impunity?

Of course, another question to ask is why this stretch of sidewalk is in such a state of wretched disrepair, but let's begin elsewhere.

Way back in 2012, we explained the sheer wonderment of Doug England's non-enforcement regime as it pertains to downtown parking.

ON THE AVENUES: Can’t stuff ‘em in a burlap sack, either.

 ... During the epochal third England Administration, which ingloriously perished when the Democratic executive’s hand-picked Republican successor was crushed prior to his suffering a humiliating council race loss to a comparative non-entity, the mayor took precious time away from his lifelong hobby of dispensing politically-motivated favors with other people’s money to heroically sidestep any involvement with downtown parking issues. Hizzonner simply decreed that downtown parking rules would not be enforced ...

Concurrently, we know that a city ordinance forbids parking in certain places. We just don't know exactly where this ordinance is being enforced.

"No person shall stop, stand or park a vehicle in any of the following places."

§ 72.18 PROHIBITED PARKING AREAS.

(A) (1) No person shall stop, stand or park a vehicle in any of the following places:

(a) On a sidewalk;
(b) In front of, or otherwise blocking access to, a public or private drive;
(c) Within an intersection;
(d) Within ten feet of a fire hydrant;
(e) On a crosswalk;
(f) On a tree lawn, the space between the street curb and the sidewalk; and
(g) Front yard, side yard, rear yard or courtyard other than a designated driveway.

Consequently, given that the cars pictured above on 3rd Street between Main and market are parked on the sidewalk just about every day, we must reasonably conclude that the ordinance prohibiting parking on the sidewalk is among those not being enforced since England decreed lawbreaking to be not only tolerable, but municipal government's solemn duty -- something Jeff Gahan has chosen to observe, too.

Therefore, if there is in fact a parking problem in downtown New Albany, isn't the clearest way to resolve it, and the one already sanctioned by City Hall, to allow people to double park their cars on sidewalks to their heart's content? In fact, on the Market Street sidewalk opposite the Copier Mart's front door, there probably is room for two rows of cars on the sidewalk and one on the street.

In the absence of enforcement, what's to stop anyone from doing so?

Because, as you can see, they already are.

Although he isn't dead yet, Morris eulogizes England.

Just the last four or so lines of dialogue are key to the Python skit, eh?

As the reporter Suddeath informed us earlier in the week, Doug England is heading south, and New Albany can have posterity now.

Chris Morris follows up with an example of his favored "lionize my elders irrespective of historical fact" essays, because that's what he does best.

Perhaps Papa can more fully explain how gambling boat referenda held in 1993 and 1999 were issues in England's 1999 debacle against Regina Overton. I'm not sure why we even have newspapers if theire function is to stand idly to the side as Hizzoner rewrites history, but don't worry. At least we still have blogs.

 ... He loved New Albany and wanted to see it prosper and grow. Maybe that is why he based his campaign in 1999 on getting a referendum passed to allow Caesars riverboat casino to locate in New Albany.

Doug England heads south, and posterity starts now.

Shift happens, after all.

EXECUTIVE MOVE: Former Mayor England leaving New Albany for Florida, by Daniel Suddeath (News and Tribune)

He left office in 2008 after declining to run for a fourth term as mayor. This Wednesday, on his 48th wedding anniversary, England and his wife will head south, but not just for the winter.

In a decision he said was made within the past two weeks, England will be moving to Delray Beach, Fla., as he’ll trade in the Ohio River for views of the Atlantic Ocean.

I wish the Englands well in retirement. I also wish the article weren't chock full of historical revisionism, as assembled by the former mayor himself, but that's okay. Those of us clinging to reality in New Albany have time to rectify the record. Let's examine just one instance.

England first took office in 1992, and served two terms before being defeated by Republican Mayor Regina Overton in 2000. He later defeated incumbent Democrat James Garner in the 2007 primary, and went on to win the general election.

The tale of the tape is interesting, indeed. In 1991, 58% of the turnout voted against England, led by the only considerable independent insurgency to date.

1991: Democrat Doug England (4,785) defeats independent Phyllis Garmon (4,154) and Republican Kenny Keilman (2,344).
Total votes: 11,283
Percentage: 42 – 37 - 21

Next time out, England handily defeated an elderly, spent force.

1995: England defeats Real, 6,573 to 5,628.
Total votes: 12,201
Percentage: 54 - 46

Then the high-riding, two-term mayor was absolutely annihilated in 1999.

1999: Republican challenger Regina Overton defeats England, 5,512 to 4,205.
Total votes: 9,717
Percentage: 57 - 43

England offers this explanation for the resounding rejection.

England believes the reason he was defeated by Overton was because he supported allowing riverboat gambling in Floyd County. The option was twice voted down by referendum, and the Horseshoe Casino of Southern Indiana sits barely across the county line in Harrison County.

However, the referenda were held in 1993 and 1995 ... and as we've seen, England's re-election in 1995 was a veritable cakewalk.

From England's standpoint, the most charitable rendering of these two gaming boat rejections was that they constituted a personal rebuke, given that he was engaged in remarkably non-transparent shenanigans with respect to land deals prefacing the future casino site, though not an outright rejection of his job performance as mayor -- and what's more, Real was very, very tired by this point.

The probable reason England lost in 1999 was not ongoing casino animus, but the accumulated weight of Hizzoner Fatigue, which required two terms in the wilderness to dissipate. Having presumably paid his political penance, voters welcomed him back in 2007 -- by the narrowest of margins, and with 3,500 fewer voters participating than in 1991.

2007: England defeats Randy Hubbard (R), 4,017 to 3,741.
Total votes: 7,758
Percentage: 52-48

Beginning in 2008, England proceeded to do absolutely nothing, and maintained this pace for four long years. He talked as good a game as ever, but seemed to have lost his mojo without the formerly vital, and by 2007, estranged political enforcer John Mattingly at his side (Mattingly died during England's third term, if memory serves).

England's city hall team was older, and even less efficient than before. They drifted, and England postured. The council dominated him. Then, to make matters worse, he botched the "handover" to Irv Stumler, and was defeated by Shirley Baird in an ill-considered council race.

The revitalization of downtown, garnering a $6.7 million loan to improve the Midtown neighborhood and moving forward with plans for Bicentennial Park are some of the achievements England said he’s most proud of from his latest term as mayor. He credited his staff for their hard work during his time in office.

The reality of these projects is far different than the revisionism. Perhaps this is to be expected when it comes to measuring by plaque installation.

Lucky Pierre? Doug England needs to take another look at the 2015 mayoral contest.

The Green Mouse says:

Three-time former mayor Doug England definitively is out of the 2015 mayoral race, purportedly as he is not interested in a 3-way (or more) primary and/or general election.

Some might ask whether England preparing to back a legitimate third-party candidate. It might be Irv Stumler, Doug’s unsuccessfully designated successor in 2011, but let’s be honest: Both England and Stumler are approaching the end of their political sell-by dates.

Meanwhile, the electoral math isn’t difficult. For anyone to defeat Jeff Gahan in 2015, the incumbent must shed a big chunk of his 64% general election landslide in 2011. 20% off the top places him in the low 40s, and vulnerable.

Who’s going to take this chunk away from him?

The GOP?

England still might, but Hizzoner is incorrect if he believes a three-way primary race diminishes his chances of winning a fourth time. Actually, it enhances his chances, and it may be the only way he can win, because he cannot risk waiting until the fall election to mount an insurgency.

England or no England, Gahan becomes beatable if the mock-monolithic Democratic Party’s bloc is carved into smaller pieces and ruthlessly exploited. I’ve already made the case that there likely are significant numbers of reluctant Democratic voters willing to support a more progressive candidate. England is by no means progressive, but he retains a core of allegiance even after his shambolic climb-down in 2011.

Consequently, a three-way primary bloodbath is the single best way for England to leverage what he has left in the tank, if anything. Because David White would appear more progressive in the primary by comparison, he’d siphon a percentage of those disgruntled with Gahan’s first term, even if he cannot win.

England and Gahan then would be competing for perhaps 80% of the remaining vote, and again, the more ways the pie is divided, and the lower an overall vote total in the primary, the better chance of any challenger scoring a squeaker.

In a two-way primary between Gahan and White, the incumbent wins easily, and the Democratic Party retains its aura of invincibility. In this case, unless the GOP emerges with a strong candidate, a two-way fall finale is all but a done deal … although a well-placed progressive independent still has an opening according to the same three-way rationale of the spring.

This independent candidate could not possibly be England. He’s neither progressive, nor strong enough numerically to mount an independent autumn challenge. He must play his cards in the primary and willfully instigate a bloodbath. Of course, this would not be conducive to the Democratic Party, but we know Doug’s primary allegiance is to himself, and not the party, so conscience wouldn’t be a deterrent.

The only question is whether he still wants it bad enough to do what he must do. If I were him, with the clock ticking, it’s something I’d re-examine.

As for the Green Mouse, here are a few other status reports for the 2015 mayoral election.

John Gonder remains out.

Diane Benedetti almost certainly is not interested

Matt Denison never considered running in the primary, but did contemplate a third-party run. Now, he's out.

And what are our chances for a November Eastridge Kingpin Smackdown between Gahan and his detested neighbor, Ned Flanders … wait, make that Mark Seabrook?

Wouldn’t THAT be oh-so entertaining?

Jeff Speck on John Rosenbarger's 12-ft wide Spring Street traffic lanes: “A 12-foot lane is a 70 mph lane."

When we took up residence on Spring Street in 2003, it was one-way arterial, three lanes wide, and with parallel parking on both sides by the curbs.

Doug England's self-congratulatory Spring Street restriping in 2009, for which John Rosenbarger now claims glorious triumph whenever he finds himself speaking to people who don't know any better, actually involved increasing the number of total one-way lanes to four, albeit by reducing the number of automotive lanes to two, and adding two bicycle lanes, one on each side of the cars.

(Why anyone would think that two bike lanes starting nowhere, leading nowhere, and running in the same direction was a good idea, in any imaginable universe, is impossible to fathom. After all, these are locally educated functionaries.)

For a brief period, the change seemed to have a calming effect, but ultimately, traffic got fast and wild again. Recently, many more heavy trucks than before have been using Spring Street and adding to the problem, even as Rosenbarger habitually denies that these vehicles are being diverted from the Main Street Deforestation Project.

More on that utter fabrication, tomorrow.

Well ... who are you going to believe, Rosenbarger or your own eyes and ears? If his nose gets any longer, the Greenway can use it to bridge Silver Creek. So, why did Diamond John's 2011 Spring Street restripings not help at all?

Primarily, because nothing whatever changed.

The street is 50 feet wide from curb to curb. Before, there were three traffic lanes and two parking-only lanes by the curbs, but the parking lanes were not delineated. On the north side of the street, one's driver-side door just opened into speeding traffic.

Therefore, in essence, there were three 12-ft wide lanes for automotive traffic (36 feet in all) and two for parking (approximately 14 feet). One traffic lane of the three was removed. 10 of its 12 feet became bike lanes at 5-ft each. The parking areas were delineated at 8 feet. The two remaining traffic lanes remained 12 feet wide.

As for what it means to have 12-ft wide traffic lanes running through the middle of a neighborhood that politicians wish to be seen promoting as "revitalizing," let's turn to Jeff Speck and an article from Butte, Montana explaining Speck's street reform recommendations there.

... “A fight I’m fighting in state after state is the 12-foot lane width standard that most states apply,” he said.

The federal government in the past few months set new standards that differ from the states however, setting the travel lanes at 10 feet in width and parking lanes at 8 feet, he said.

“A 12-foot lane is a 70 mph lane,” Speck said. “Twelve foot lanes versus 10 foot lanes are the DOT versus us. There is no measureable decrease on urban street (traffic) capacity with 10-foot lanes. The burden is on DOT to prove why they need 12-foot streets.”

Speck argues that 10-foot lanes are safer for everyone, too, by slowing traffic.

“A person hit by a car going 30 mph is 10 times more likely to die than a person hit by a car traveling 25 mph,” he said.

That's right.

England and Rosenbarger claimed victory, by changing absolutely nothing. They built two unbuffered bike lanes next to 70 mph traffic lanes. They did nothing else, and they want you to believe that what they did was heroic and innovative, primarily so one of them can run for office again while the other keeps his job -- again.

Unfortunately, the Gahan administration has spent three years endorsing the status quo, and the status quo was, and is, a mistake, which puts the lie to all other efforts aimed at "revitalizing" the neighborhood.

Presumably, Speck will advise them to correct the idiocy, and perhaps they will. I'm guessing a Spring Street fix involves two-way traffic lanes at 10 feet, with a slightly wider turn lane in the middle, and the removal of biking lanes, which are largely useless. Should there be lanes for bicycles? Yes, somewhere. Just imagine if we had an actual plan for them, in the sense of actually leading from and to a destination ... but then a traffic lane might have to be changed, and we know how THAT inconveniences Democratic Party grandees.

Of course, in all likelihood, Rosenbarger will take credit for the correction to the problem he created. Almost surely, England will run for mayor, or council, or maybe dogcatcher. He'll claim credit for the results obtained by doing nothing. New Albany will languish because we've never met a box we didn't prefer to be constrained within.

And nothing will get done.

ON THE AVENUES: Apathy or allergy?

ON THE AVENUES: Apathy or allergy?

A weekly web column by Roger A. Baylor.

It’s a question asked oft times before, but what if we had an election -- and no one came?

Floyd Countians collectively endeavored to bring us closer to an ultimate answer on Tuesday, when only 13% of registered voters went to the trouble to learn where their usual voting place had been relocated, there being an acute shortage of Internet memes available to act as signposts in the absence of Walter Cronkite and various other, more comfortable educational materials.

For the first time in recent memory, I took my place among the 87%, an abstention sure to be maligned as hypocritical in some quarters, and yet one originally conceived only as an indignant protest against the shattering of a decade-old tradition of walking two blocks, coffee in hand, to do my democratic duty.

However, the more I explored the inner depths of my threadbare conscience, it became increasingly evident that lofting a middle finger on Tuesday against politics as usual in this sullen, stunted, centipede of a city held a certain, almost indefinable charm.

Perhaps I’m a punk rocker at heart, after all.

I can’t point to any single occurrence that soured me about this election, as opposed to all the other equally repugnant ones coming before it. Both muscle memory and mental training made it difficult to refrain from the selection habit of a lifetime.

It was hard, but I managed.

There is no animus toward those suggesting that my failure to cast a ballot should render me mute or impotent in any larger, civic sense. After all, I’ve said much the same before, about others, when positions were reversed. What’s more, I might as well be honest about my reasoning, not wishing to hand the hypocrisy fetishists their public orgasms on a silver (or any other) platter.

Part of my mood undoubtedly accrues from a cycle of personal and professional stress. While manageable and in the process of resolution, my world has been sufficiently intense that becoming overly agitated over a generally uncontested, forgettable primary simply isn’t part of my coping arsenal at present.

---

Consequently, given a considerable esteem and honest affection for victorious judicial candidate Matt Lorch, it pains me to confess that a simple photograph of Matt with former mayor Doug England taken at a fundraiser did as much as anything to induce nausea at the mere thought of my sauntering into a polling place, whether around the corner or across town.

England is perhaps the greatest living symbol of the local Democratic Party’s perennial, lock-step, dunderheaded grip on the levers of municipal power. Standing next to him is Matt, and while the latter’s personal viewpoint of the disturbing symbolism on display obviously remains unknown to me, what undoubtedly would be clear to the most disinterested visiting space alien is that in a single-party-dominated system like ours, youth still must be immersed in a numbing, basic training-style crucible of “that’s the way we always do it, son.”

Make no mistake: I'm happy for Matt Lorch; really, I am. He has my support in November, and if he wins then, he’ll make a fine judge. But the fact that so few local Democrats truly are Democratic in any coherent real-world sense made it impossible for me to overcome my revulsion and vote. This may or may not change come fall.

Then there are the Republicans; now my appetite’s gone completely. The good news Tuesday is that Steve Bush did not win the party’s nomination for sheriff. The bad news is that he remains a county commissioner.

YEE-hah. Ain't we the lucky ones.

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Speaking of Republicans in (bleep’s) clothing, Ted Heavrin’s latest audition for the lead role in “The Comeback Kid” was rejected by 57% of the county’s District 2 voters, who opted for Barbara Sillings over the longtime county council kingpin.

Of all the outcomes in Tuesday’s primary, this is the hardest to grasp. How could Heavrin lose? By his own admission, he was tanned, rested and ready, having continued attending council meetings amid victory, defeat, re-appointment and renewed defeat – evidently it helps to know where the bodies are buried, and if not, to produce dulcet tones from a waterboard as he glowers from the peanut gallery – as well as having secured the endorsement of not one, but both political parties, who begged him to run as a sort of unity candidate capable of uniting fascists, and fascists.

Someone find Sgt. Harris from the old Barney Miller television show, because it looks as though we have another customer for the enchanted kingdom.

On the other hand, as the one person in Floyd County who legitimately believes service and servitude are synonyms, Heavrin might be forgiven for thinking that all the politicos adore him. After all, he consistently displayed unmistakably Republican governing proclivities, all the while remaining in the good graces of the reigning Dixiecrats. If those pesky voters displayed a stubborn willingness to hold Heavrin accountable, the local good-old-boy party system did not, exalting him as a selfless leader.

Spare me.

Like his longtime professional political partner, the late Larry McAllister, Heavrin never actually “led” anything, or anybody. Rather, not unlike a soldier on trial for war crimes, he merely copped the plea of doing his self-defined duty and following orders, which in this instance obliged him to eschew any semblance of revenue enhancement, and out-Grover Norquist by starving local government. These orders came to Heavrin, a supposed Democrat, straight from the decoder room at the Indiana GOP. He shrugged, and obeyed.

Considering Dave Matthews’s congenital inability to find candidates with a discernible pulse, why would the Republican chairman bother seriously challenging a pretend-Democrat who was eternally pliable and willing to parrot the official GOP line? The only surprising thing about any of this is that actual county residents have now voted against Heavrin three times in a row. Someone deserves a medal of valor, and it isn’t him.

In the hands of a gifted dramatist, this story might read as tragedy, or at least boast a tragi-comic twist or two. Unfortunately, people hereabouts seldom read, and Shakespeare did not live long enough to contemplate the script for Groundhog Day, the cinematic milestone that best describes the legacy of Heavrin-Think in Floyd County.

I didn’t vote on Tuesday, and I’m still bitching. Odds are in favor of my returning to the fold in the general election; with Mark Seabrook and Ron Grooms on the ballot, how can I resist voting “no” to both?

One fine day on 13th Street.

And it was Thursday the 10th, not Friday the 13th.

The sign, of "council at large" vintage, appeared suddenly on the verge. Someone must have been cleaning out the garage, and thought it would be clever to frighten passing motorists.

I can attest to it startling a passing pedestrian (me), but as a friend noted when I asked whether England Doug will run for mayor yet again in 2015: As long as he has a pulse, that's what he'll be telling all and sundry, whether or not he actually does."

More on what I learned this week: Félix, Susan, and the Engahan times we live in.

Remember the law about signage outside polling places?

It was enacted to move the political operatives away from the doorway, where they used to stand with stacked crates of Kessler, handing out half-pints of whiskey so that someday, we might have a Main Street Deforestation Project.

Those handovers of booze in broad daylight were masterpieces of subtlety and discretion compared with what happened in New Albany during the third England administration, when Hizzoner awarded Susan Kaempfer $108,000 at a rate of $50 hourly to serve as project manager of the Midtown neighborhood stabilization project.

From the moment Kaempfer endorsed that first check, presumably with the mayor’s wife beaming while handing her the pencil, her credibility vanished faster than the plume from an e-cigarette.

It was the veritable capstone of England Doug’s career in cynical payout largesse, and a complete, all-encompassing civic embarrassment rivaling that of French president Félix François Faure.

Take it away, Wikipedia:

Faure died suddenly from apoplexy in the Élysée Palace on 16 February 1899, at a critical juncture while engaged in sexual activities in his office with 30-year-old Marguerite Steinheil. It has been widely reported that Felix Faure had his fatal seizure while Steinheil was fellating him, but the exact nature of their sexual intercourse is in fact unknown and such reports may have stemmed from various jeux de mots (puns) made up afterward by his political opponents. One such pun was to nickname Mme Steinheil "la pompe funèbre" (wordplay in French: "pompes funèbres" means "death care business" and "pompe funèbre" could be translated, literally, as "funeral blow-job"). George Clemenceau's epitaph of Faure, in the same trend, was "Il voulait être César, il ne fut que Pompée" (another wordplay in French; could mean both "he wished to be Caesar, but ended up as Pompey", or "he wished to be Caesar and ended up being blown": the verb "pomper" in French is also slang for performing oral sex on a man); Clemenceau, who was also editor of the newspaper L'Aurore, wrote that "upon entering the void, he [Faure] must have felt at home".

For the past two weeks, we’ve witnessed Kaempfer on the comeback trail, actively and politically soliciting cash for “her” farmers market,openly on behalf of "her" Develop New Albany, in spite of DNA's largely theoretical non-profit-driven stance against such crass, transparently manipulative activities.

In effect, Susan Kaempfer has orchestrated a hostage-taking, by abducting a straw man of her own creation, stirring up panic among the non-resident vendors, then slicing the straw man's throat before a spineless, pliant council while City Hall looked skyward in search of missing Malaysian airplanes.

There have been so many lies told this past week that if our civic symbol of Pinocchio (an intellectually impoverished river town's equivalent of the Golem) might be positioned facing east, toward Bamberg, those among us seeking immediate exile might promptly arrive at the Schlenkerla tavern without once wetting our feet.

Concurrently, before I begin shopping for plane tickets, permit me to hereby propose that we rename the newly embellished farmers market the Félix François Faure Memorial Cucumber Stand, because in New Albany, the city itself is Pompey, with the cash spewing inexorably in one direction.

JAYsus: Why -- why, why -- on earth must we continue paying her, again and again?

REWIND: Douglas England will be remembered primarily for fixes like this one. It's why he had to go.

(And why he needs to stay away. Originally published on November 19, 2011)

Nothing much needs to be said about this revelation apart from what we already knew, because you can only vomit so much before the dry heaves begin in earnest. Thanks to the newspaper for publishing the information, albeit belatedly; the margin of defeat might have been even worse, but we'll take what we can get -- just like she did.

THE HOUSE IS IN ORDER: Administration defends DNA president’s NSP contract; State says New Albany meeting requirements for $6.7 million project, by Daniel Suddeath (News and Tribune; beware of pop-ups)

Mayor Doug England’s administration was within its right to hire Develop New Albany President Susan Kaempfer at a rate of $50 per hour to serve as program manager of the Midtown neighborhood housing project, state officials have confirmed.

Kaempfer — who was vice president of the nonprofit Develop New Albany when she was awarded the contract — was paid $108,401 from June 28, 2010, to Aug. 18, 2011, according to records provided by the administration.

Having the runs and thinking about running are two diffe ... wait, no they're not.

Venues temporary and permanent: Bicentennial Park musical show tonight.

Tonight I'll be attending the annual family reunion. This year it's being held up the road in Madison, Indiana.

If you've ever attended one of Madison's large and well-organized civic events (RiverRoots, Ribberfest, etc), you've seen the city's handy fold-out portable stage. It is different, but quite similar, to the one being rented by New Albany for use in the Bicentennial Park concert series, which continues tonight with Kaleidico and Violet Knives. Note the last sentence in the following, which I cribbed from the Southern Indiana tourism bureau's weekly newsletter:

"Join the fun in New Albany's great new music venue."

Previously NAC has observed that given the expense incurred to build Bicentennial Park, it seems shortsighted not to have included better plans for the physical infrastructure necessary to make it a more permanent "venue" apart from rentals. Since former Mayor England openly boasts of credit owed him for singlehandedly conceiving, funding and building the park, shall we criticize him for the entertainment infrastructure omissions?

Boredom ensues; just bear it in mind should he decide to run for something again.

I'm tempted to ask a question:

"Might we borrow a few farthings from the parks bond extravaganza to slip a portable stage into the city's Christmas stocking?"

Problem is, this prompts another question:

"What about that humongous, largely unused permanent stage at the Riverfront Amphitheater?

Damn. Questions are hard work. Is it beer-thirty yet?

New Albany Bicentennial Concert Series

New Albany's Bicentennial Park will feature Violet Knives with opener Kaleidico this Friday at 6 pm in the city's new Bicentennial Park located at 110 East Spring Street. Derek Carrell, Eric Condon, Ty Goodwin and Shawn Steele maker up an Inde/Alternative band whose musical roots come from such groups as Radiohead, R.E.M., Joy Davidson and Velvet Underground. Hailing from Louisville, Violet Knives promises a great show. The evening's entertainment is opened by another great Louisville up-and-coming group Kaleidico. Join the fun in New Albany's great new music venue.

"His Story Behind the Fence": At DNA's party, Doug England announces run for Mayor ...

 ... of Develop New Albany. Here's the news story.

New Albany -- Former three-term New Albany mayor Doug England, a presumptive Democrat who once hand-picked a Republican (subsequently defeated) to replace him in the Perpendicular Office so he could run for city council and ignominiously lose to Shirley Baird, divulged at last week's Extemporaneously New Albany gala that incumbent Joe LaRocca is "finished" as Develop New Albany leader.

"Aw, fuck it," said England in a prepared statement before a cornered, snarling alley cat. "It's my club, anyway. Mine!

"I built the whole damn thing, NDA, ADN, DuhNuh; whatever. There oughta be a plaque somewhere in this shithole of a town. If Joe's not gonna drive it -- gimme the goddamned keys. I've only had a couple of bottles. I'll drive up to Kuhlumbus and get Carl.

"Road trip!"

Later, while hawking raffle tickets, England was overheard soliciting campaign contributions for his DNA mayoral campaign.

"Gimme that," he said, reaching into a nearby wallet. "See those assholes behind our fence? Can you believe that actually thought I'd KEEP all those promises I made? Gave 'em a goddamned bike lane, and what do they want? Two-fucking way streets! Jesus -- like I could afford to pay off Padgett for any of THOSE."

England glared at the string quartet.

"Girl -- GIRL -- I say girlie, daddy needs a nice cabernet ... "

ON THE AVENUES: Solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one.

ON THE AVENUES: Solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one.

A weekly web column by Roger A. Baylor.

Since those first ominous rumblings in 2011, NA Confidential has devoted numerous column inches to the downtown/top-down urban design feature henceforth to be known as Bicentennial Park, which is to be formally dedicated on Friday night prior to the first of twelve weekly summer concerts.

Helpfully, and in the spirit of civic engagement with which we’ve so long been imbued here at the blog, we’ve suggested alternate names for the park: Somnolent Estates, Caesar’s Folly and Rent Boy Park, among others.

While (Bob) Caesar remains the Roman centurion of contemporary New Albany caricature, devoting his political half-life to guarding the eroded gates and obstructing any sort of progress that cannot be filtered of novel components unfamiliar (and therefore gravely threatening) to his inner homogenized world of caste and respectability, all roads in New Albany still lead to another political figure, albeit one inhabiting the fringes of semi-retirement: The once and future mayor.

This is my roundabout way of saying that I actually agree with Doug England, whose most recent temporary departure from the local governmental stage came in 2011, when he curiously lost his nerve, chose not to run for re-election as kingpin, annoyed his own party by hand-picking a presumed successor from the other one, saw this ballyhooed successor brutally crushed, and then was embarrassingly defeated in a foolhardy council bid by none other than Shirley Baird.

In short, the straw that stirs the drink misplaced his ice cubes, and a city sighed with relief. Surely this would be the end of it?

It appears that lately, perhaps in an effort to stoke bored corpuscles into mounting another bid for supremacy, England has taken to muttering (sometimes when actual living people are standing nearby, as opposed to invisible friends and allies) about his scandalously unrecognized, pivotal role in the advent of Bicentennial Park.

In this specific grievance, the former mayor is completely right.

Given the manner by which the park was conceived and developed, it reads like a random page torn from England’s manual of Governance -101, because posterity will note, even if we seldom recall, that from the very start this quintessentially white bread, old-folks concept for the use of precious community space has been utterly devoid of engagement with the community itself.

Too much was paid to acquire the land, too much insularity shielded the design process, and too much money was spent to build it. This particular park place has been made (again) by the few on purported behalf of the many, with the latter being uninvolved in any substantive way.

New Albany might as well have been Falangist Spain or Tsarist Russia when it comes to the way Bicentennial Park came into being.

Or, more appropriately, our city might have been feudal England.

Come to think of it, that’s exactly what it was.

---

Consider if you will this series of imagined newsfeed tweets from Radio Free New Albany:

• Former NA mayor England to cut the ribbon and dedicate Bicentennial Park to himself at 4:30 p.m. on Friday, June 7.
• City of New Albany announces the Friday dedication ceremony at Bicentennial Park is moved forward to 4:00 pm.
• Former mayor England says his Bicentennial Park self-dedication ceremony will start at 3:30 p.m., and asks when the bars open on Friday.
• Breaking: In official city announcement, Bicentennial Park dedication ceremony moved to Friday morning at 6:30 a.m., before the bars can be open.
• Former Mayor England now says he will dedicate Bicentennial Park to himself at 3:00 a.m. Friday, just following last call from Thursday. He adds that drinks are on him, and they can be carried from Good Times to the park itself, where the port-a-lets he personally designed can double as water fountains.
• In an emergency city council meeting, Dan “Knuckles” Coffey ramrods a new open container law, to come into effect at 2:30 a.m. on Friday. England vows to persevere with Bicentennial Park self-dedication ceremony on Friday morning, promises to run again for mayor to put those bastards in their place, and says he is pricing helicopter rental fees.

---

The scorecard is getting crowded of late. Cafe 27 (a restaurant) and Uptown Art just opened for business. We’re told the fire museum might remain downtown after all, perhaps moving to the old Tabernacle building, and that the Coyle property is about to be sold.

Let’s hope redevelopment comes in the form of market-priced housing of the sort Bob Caesar will permit us to have.

There'll be an occupant (Regalo) for the former Jim's Gun Room at the corner of Pearl and Market, and maybe a Comfy Cow location at 109 E. Market. There is a rumor of a comedy club coming to downtown. The former Happy's and Patticakes are being renovated on the Main Street block between Pearl and Bank, next to Café 27.

The south side of the block remains a disgrace, but at least the north side has improved.

And so it goes.

What connects these varied entities, and the ones already existing as well as the ones to follow? The street and sidewalk grid, that’s what.

However, one-way streets currently functioning as high-speed throughways do nothing to help the prospects for these businesses and attractions. Streets tamed, calmed, made usable by walkers and bikers, and running in both directions, stand to assist in downtown’s ongoing revitalization and that of surrounding neighborhoods.

The former mayor made numerous promises about the street grid during his most recent term, but followed through on very few of them. Ever since, he’s preferred to blame the city council for these failures – but really, how can any ruler such as Franco or Nicholas II, one who regards himself as absolute and answerable only to himself, be justified in whimpering about a legislative body’s recalcitrance?

But we’re more fortunate now, because City Hall during the Jeff Gahan era and our “green” current council are marching forward in perfect harmony toward a better future, so let Doug have credit for the pocket park, and instead, do what he wouldn’t.

Complete the street grid. Now.

ON THE AVENUES: It’s the wrong way, pal.

ON THE AVENUES: It’s the wrong way, pal.

A weekly web column by Roger A. Baylor.

Every now and then, you just have to suck it up and admit that Dan Coffey was right about something.

As a case in point, here’s a stray thought from Chairman Cappuccino’s little unread book, as relayed by the News and Tribune’s Daniel Suddeath on September 9, 2009.

The way it looks right now, the lane changes are confusing, City Council President Dan Coffey said. He feels the bike lanes were added to appease a certain segment of New Albany. “The mayor is going to do anything he can to help the progressives out because he figures they’re going to help get him re-elected,” Coffey said.

Really? The bike lanes on Spring Street are almost four years old? And we’ve done nothing else since then to augment them?

Yep. Overnight in 2009, the street was reduced from three one-way Indy car lanes to just two, an improvement that calmed traffic, albeit briefly. Two bike lanes were added on either side of the traffic lanes, both running in the same direction toward the city center.

Was there dancing in the streets?

Hardly, because New Albany’s street grid is designed to accommodate cars alone, not people, so dancing is best done wherever there’s a pole -- but let’s leave Rustic Frog out of it.

It’s true that “progressives” applauded the addition of the bike lanes. We clapped while waiting for the remainder of the biking and walking plan to unfold, and of course it didn’t, because there never was a plan, just a re-election campaign that failed. Then it became clear that we HAD been fooled again, and the crickets chirped anew.

And so I used to be a fan of bike lanes on Spring Street. Now I’m not even sure they matter.

---

Clearly, the dilatory and deservedly defunct England III administration created the Spring Street bike lanes in a self-congratulatory mode of bare minimalism, and it isn’t surprising that they’ve functioned as well as any strictly symbolic, otherwise orphaned project might be expected to work – which is to say, half-assed at best.

But victory was declared, balloons were released and press bromides were distributed, after which ruling class attention spans quickly lapsed back into sloppy microdot patterns. The carrot dangling just behind the traffic lane reduction and dual bike lane addition was that they were undertaken in preparation for restoring two-way vehicular traffic to Spring Street.

There was none. The stick?

It was soggy and flaccid, because the England administration lacked the political cojones to initiate anything that might have required the expenditure of political capital, this being because their wallets were utterly bereft of cash, and their minds incapable of pursuing ideas or ideals, as opposed to petty small-pond lap swimming.

Four years later, Spring Street as yet runs one way, with too few stop signs or lights, still tailor-made for speeding and reckless driving. Although you’ll see knowledgeable recreational cyclists using the bike lanes on the north side alongside traffic (as they should), dozens of others merrily pedal the wrong way on both sides of traffic -- when not engaged in doing the same on adjoining sidewalks, with scant regard for walkers.

I’ve never seen a policeman stop one. I’ve never seen any effort on the part of the city to educate cyclists, or to enforce any outdated laws pertaining to them. This would require having a plan, a scheme, a semblance of an outline, rather as Jeffersonville is doing right now in trying to coordinate a master plan.

New Albany’s chosen methodology is plainly piecemeal, now and always. If there was a way to picture half-assed piecemeal, it really should have been the bicentennial logo.

---

The hardest thing for me to concede is that these serial vagrants riding their bicycles against traffic in existing bike lanes, and navigating sidewalks as recklessly as they would in their automobiles had their licenses not been confiscated owing to persistent drunkenness … well, they’re not entirely stupid, after all.

They’re displaying understandable defense mechanisms in a hazardous environment. In the absence of calming on Spring Street – because Doug England didn’t see fit to finish the job he started, because those nasty bullies on the council wouldn’t let him (sniff, sniff ... HONK) – today’s rogue cyclists correctly intuit that regularly tolerated vehicular chaos in the traffic lanes makes the bike lanes intrinsically unsafe to use as intended.

That’s why bike lanes are ineffective in a vacuum, in such a setting, where everything else about the street grid around is designed to fail.

---

It is as yet unclear whether any elected official will come out in the open and truly get in front of this issue. Most of them seem to feel that furtive non-transparency conducted behind-the-scenes is the best tactic to proceed, while I tend to prefer revolutionary notions like openness and public meetings.

There is a palpable fear that any changes to the street grid will prompt complaints from the usual elderly Luddite (Democratic Party) suspects, which are the same elderly Luddite (Democratic Party) suspects typically bothering to vote – and that’s the scary part for the politicos.

And yet, openness surely would rally at least some support for street grid reform among New Albany’s younger cadres.

If we finally begin having public chats about such matters, it is my view that a Spring Street finally properly right-sized, calmed and returned to two-way traffic probably means doing away with the bike lanes, although reduced lane widths might allow one bike path to remain.

But there'll need to be two traffic lanes, one running east and the other west. With street parking on both sides (the street is primarily residential), it’s either the bike lanes or a center turn lane – and a center turn lane is inevitable on a former arterial street intended for taming.

We’d lose the bike lanes, but right now, they’re pretty much useless, anyway. They were built wrong. There’s been no follow-up; the city has no comprehensive biking and walking plan apart from assuming that until the end of time, everyone who votes will drive a car. It may well have become even more dangerous for a cyclist on Spring Street since the lanes were installed. The rapidly fading bike lane stripes inhibit a degree of non- vigilance already sorely tested by mobile phones and in-car curling irons, and drivers think more about the cyclist’s duty to stay within his boundaries than their own obligation to pay attention to the road.

We set up speed traps, and pretend they work.

Pretending.

That’s New Albany’s real bicentennial legacy, isn’t it?

BREAKING: "England said Malysz also was instrumental in ... helping turn downtown into a dining haven."

Now we know why Carl went to Columbus: It's a city that doesn't have ENOUGH rental properties, a situation presumably requiring the mindset of a New Albanian to remedy, seeing as we have too much of it.

But heck, he was finished here, wasn't he?

What was there left to accomplish in New Albany after solving the affordable housing problem, orchestrating Midtown's renaissance and helping establish two dozen eateries?

Has that Superman movie yet been released?

There may have to be revisions.

Mercy.

The disinformation being excreted by the ex-mayor to a guileless Associated Press is simply breathtaking in its factual nonchalance, and the best indication yet that in 2015, there'll be another attempted comeback.

Housing woes, rental property shortage addressed in Columbus, Indiana (Associated Press, via C-J)

COLUMBUS, IND. (AP) — The new director of community development in Columbus is meeting the challenge of solving the city's housing shortage head-on as the city eyes public-private partnerships to help address its issues.

Carl Malysz, a former deputy mayor in New Albany, started his job April 22. He told The Republic that he is already working to figure out a strategy to improve conditions.

Columbus Mayor Kristen Brown said a shortage of rental property is driving up rents and making it difficult for families of all income levels to find places to live.

"We have hit a bit of a crisis in the rental market here," Brown said. "Even all the way at the high end, people coming in to work for Cummins or other employers literally can't find places to live."

Malysz, who led similar efforts in New Albany, said he wants to develop a strategy to improve conditions so everyone has access to "good, affordable housing."

That includes improving some distressed neighborhoods and creating more market-rate properties.

"We aspire to make things better. If you do nothing, if you are not progressive, if you do not look forward, you will eventually find yourself at ground zero," he said.

In New Albany, Malysz orchestrated a $6.6 million grant that helped revitalize a dilapidated, midtown neighborhood, former Mayor Doug England said. The program called for rebuilding homes and selling them to younger, lower-middle-income people to help stabilize the neighborhood.

England said Malysz also was instrumental in attracting Hitachi Data Systems to New Albany and helping turn downtown into a dining haven.

Amid rapidly proliferating plaques, curiosity about New Albany Venues.

Way back on October 4, 2008, a bet was settled here at NAC.

Mark Keeler said that the drummer for Nazareth died in New Albany after 1995. I said he died before the pub started business in 1992. Let the record show that Darrell Sweet died in 1999, which means that Mark was right and I was wrong. Can any one remember why Nazareth decided to play New Albany in the first place?

Ever since then, I've intended to show the plaque facing the river on the back side of the New Albany Riverfront Amphitheater. Here it is:

But wait -- what's that new plaque above the late Darrell Sweet's?

Hmm, must be the one the Democratic Party presented to her last year: Cessante ratione legis cessat ipsa lex.

It mirrors the plaque installed on the other side of the stage, facing the audience, and oddly, there still is no mention of the Clark-Floyd Counties Convention and Tourism Bureau's enabling donation:

I'm told that work is underway on an amphitheater use plan for this and coming years, and as we await the details, there remains confusion over the role and composition of New Albany Venues, which was incorporated in 2010 by then-city attorney Shane Gibson, with ex-first lady Michele England as sole principal and an address of the former mayor's office. I'll repeat the questions, in slightly modified form.

Seeing as Mayor England is (gone), does his wife's name remain on the charter of New Albany Venues incorporation, or is there an election/appointment procedure for a succession?

Do the non-profit incorporation rules permit the establishment of a truly non-political, community-infused, pluralistic board or committee, one not entirely dependent on personnel decisions made by future mayors?

Are there any plans for a succession of this sort, or for the establishment of the type of pluralistic, inclusive governing riverfront body?

We have plaques aplenty, and maybe someday there'll be answers, too. Until then, a number.

Oddly, no mention of the Clark-Floyd Counties Convention and Tourism Bureau's donation.

Unrelated question: Has anyone heard if there's still a plan to put the late Kevin Hammersmith's name on the Amphitheater as a memorial?

Gahan tosses England executive order into trash. Let's hope the spring cleaning continues.

Good move on Mayor Gahan's part. The executive order may have been 11th hour, but it was sweepingly indicative of the England administration's chronically cavalier attitude toward transparency, a chronic absence of which is what the past four years primarily will be remembered as providing -- in abundance.
(Feb 1 update: Later news reports had the order dating to July, 2011, and being discovered in January, 2012) 

Executive re-decision: Gahan rejects England’s executive order for health insurance; Former mayor among administrative workers set to receive benefits, by Daniel Suddeath (N and T)

NEW ALBANY — An executive order written by former New Albany Mayor Doug England granting the option for a retiring administrative employee to continue receiving city medical insurance was rescinded by current Mayor Jeff Gahan on Jan. 20.

Gahan confirmed Monday he wrote an executive order overturning England’s 2011 decision because he “had an issue with the process” ...

... His decision wasn’t based on condemnation of the idea, but how the matter was handled, Gahan continued.

“I think it has some merit,” he said of providing the insurance option to retiring administrative employees.

“But that all needs to be handled in a larger discussion of insurance for city employees.