ON THE AVENUES: Welcome to "Pagan Life," a weekly column devoted to heathens, infidels, idolaters, atheists, non-theists, irreligious people, agnostics, skeptics, heretics and apostates.

Long ago I humbly accepted the existence of a redemptive force in my daily life.

It’s called the “music gene,” and I seem to possess it -- or, maybe it possesses me. Unfortunately when the music gene was downloaded it came to me incomplete, and I'm absent commensurate musical ability of any identifiable sort.

Even so, music has spoken to me from the beginning, and as long as my hearing holds out, we’re good. Had my formative years been spent with musicians as role models rather than athletes, perhaps it all would have turned out differently. As it stands, I’ve no complaints.

The innate pleasure to be derived from listening to music is more of an essential heartbeat than an optional amusement, and I can’t imagine life otherwise. If the music in my head ever stops playing, it will be the unmistakable sign of imminent death -- and as all atheists know, death is a symphony without encores.

Speaking of atheists and death, let’s drop into local journalism’s intensive care unit.

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It’s been at least two years since the foundering News and Tribune doubled its column slots for religious advocacy, from one to two – or, approximately two times as many as needed.

In vain, I’ve asked: What about an “equal time for pagans” slot? Even better, perhaps the long overdue humanist food column, as suggested by the estimable Goliath.

Guys, I’m tanned, rested and ready -- and unlike Nancy Kennedy, I actually reside here. Each week, I’d begin by refuting a theist’s fallacy, end by pelting an effigy of Ken Ham with rotten fruit, and fill the space in between with tips on how to make the perfect fried chicken sandwich out of leftover school paste.

But no. We get the same uninspiring inspirational tracts, week in and week out. Management remains AWOL, and it was left to a reporter (now departed to greener any journalistic pastures) to attempt this explanation:

"A large portion of our readers are Christian. If you have specific questions or complaints, I would advise you contact our editors via email."

Like they'd reply?

This argument from majority rule is drearily predictable, and fallacious. In terms of catering content to pre-existing readership preferences, surely a majority of the newspaper’s steadily dwindling readership base utilize their filthy kitchen microwaves far more often than a featured Lynx Sedona 42-Inch Built-In Natural Gas Grill With One Infrared ProSear Burner And Rotisserie L700PSR, now only $3,399 at BBQGuys.com … and yet there’s been an informative regular barbecuing column for a decade or more.

A majority of the newspaper’s readers don’t hunt, fish and trap, preferring their vistas of the great outdoors to come through a handy window somewhere in the vicinity of their incessant televisions … and yet we now have at least one column about efficient creature-stalking.

As an aside, publisher Bill Hanson might be interested in knowing that “pantheists” believe god is to be found in nature, a position with no room for Jesus' teachings, and a stance antithetical to Hanson’s yearning to transform his inexorably fading newspaper into a vehicle for a particular Christian sect's proselytizing.

Verily, as for sports, I enjoy vigorously rebutting proselytizers even as I remind them to #getoffmyporch, using a lighted cigar for pointed emphasis, and the garden hose if necessary.

It’s a shame we can’t have this newspaper failure dialogue publicly; alas, not unlike Jeff Gahan, Hanson is hesitant to share his reasoning with wild-eyed heretics like me (for Hanson, "heretic" is defined as a non-subscriber; for Gahan, it's a non-donor). You’d think Sweet William and I could develop an invigorating “Saintly Christian versus Ghastly Atheist” point-counterpoint shtick, twice monthly.

But no ...

Meanwhile, for atheists like me, the calendar pages may turn, but irrationality rarely changes. It remains the norm that theists respond with annoyance (or worse) whenever an atheist has the unmitigated gall to come out of the closet and seek even the slightest measure of equality in discourse.

That’s just a bit hypocritical, and rather snowflaky as well. Think of every religious adherent who ever came knocking at your door while you were busy eating, drinking, sleeping or fornicating in the privacy of your own damn house.

Think of the transformative zeal of generations of ravenous Christians, traveling overseas for the sanctified purpose of subduing decadent native cultures, and conveniently spreading toxic Western diseases even as they blamed the dying natives for falling sick, urging them to immediately find God as the necessary cure just prior to the sacrificial massacre to follow.

Think of how so much of the history of organized western religion is one of evangelical outreach, and by its very nature, how evangelism is invasive and intrusive with regard to the physical and intellectual space of non-believers.

Not only that, but in the ever widening search for market share, think about evangelists from one coin-flip of a sect freely targeting those who ascribe to differing versions of ostensibly the very same supernatural source.

You’d think that believing in any God would do, and yet it’s never enough for them, is it?

Either way, if an atheist dares to attempt an explanation of why he or she doesn’t accept any of it, out comes the fear-mongering rhetoric.

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Granted, I spent many years evangelizing for good beer, although it isn’t like I’ve ever gone door to door creating a public nuisance. By extension, not once have I positioned myself at the entrance of a Christian church on Sunday morning in protest against the worship therein, or flashed an A’s team pennant at a devout John 3:16-er busily lofting signs at a ballgame.

Never have I sneaked up into the cathedral balcony and menacingly waved my portrait of Bertrand Russell at the minister, demanding that he repent from sin -- or whatever Nancy Kennedy and Tom May insist on calling this nonsensical concept.

That’s why, in the final reckoning, it would be somewhat hard to write an “atheism column,” because atheists are rationalists, offering no positive claims with respect to knowledge derived from outside the realm of human experience and perception. We’ve got nothing to sell, and that’s the whole point.

In the absence of verifiable evidence, atheism is a negation. It is the theist who is obliged to prove that God exists -- not the other way around. Perhaps it’s true that some atheists go a step further and proselytize in the manner of the religionist, but the percentage remains quite small.

During the past two thousand years, far more people have been asked to convert to religion at the point of a bayonet, routinely dying as a result of their refusal, than have been forcibly “converted” to atheism, all known variants of “communism” notwithstanding.

In my experience, atheists generally just want to be left alone, and prefer that religious belief remain a matter of private conscience and not a public policy lever.

They respect a separation of church and state precisely because history makes it abundantly clear against whom this public policy stick typically is wielded, generally resulting in a sad continuation of the war, violence and strife accompanying organized religion throughout human history.

It’s too bad, albeit perfectly in keeping with past practices, that Hanson isn’t interested in his readers hearing another side of the story. It’s a shame he doesn’t grasp the interests of the smaller segment whose viewpoints differ from his own. Has he considered them, even once?

And exactly how does he know the exact religious fetishes of his dwindling band of subscribers? Atheists pay, too. Shouldn't their needs be considered?

Here's the gospel truth: The $30 George Foreman Grill in our kitchen does a damned fine job, and the $3,369 we saved by rejecting the outdoor Manly Man Model Char-Master is more than enough to enjoy a nice, humanistic European holiday.

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Once upon a time during a tavern chat, I was asked if I could identify the source of my atheism. Was I rebelling against the religion of my parents?

No. While my childhood was not without general religious assumptions and a nebulous, largely unexamined “faith in something bigger” approach to talking points, there were no onerous obligations or regimented teachings, and overall, both my parents were remarkably open and tolerant.

If rebellion were the only goal, I’d have likely become a fundamentalist owing to the complete absence of instruction. Echoing the music gene, and adding to it my belief that mankind concocts religion to assuage its recognition and fear of death, maybe what I lack is the God gene, a predisposition toward accepting one or more versions of a deity.

I’m only guessing, since I’ve no experience with such a state of consciousness.

In all honestly, I cannot remember a time in my life when such a concept as God seemed plausible to me. Rather, it seemed mythological, a phenomenon best placed on dusty outmoded shelves beside ancient Greek small-case gods, Mayan rituals and Norse sagas.

Only later, in university, did I learn there was a name for the God gene’s absence: Atheism. It was the ultimate in revelations, for it was revealed to me that others felt the same way, and could explain their non-belief rationally. I needn’t embrace the palpably untrue, after all.

A musician like J. S. Bach certainly thought his considerable musical skills were gifts from God, intended to glorify and exalt Him. The simplistic vision of angels cleverly arranged on cloud banks, deploying a phalanx of harps to while away eternity, surely derives from this idea of music intertwined with holiness.

It doesn’t resonate with me. Music may well “have” its own gene, but its manifestation in a tangible, real world is a human construct. When liturgical music strikes a tuneful “holy” chord, it’s because of the meanings we’ve been taught to read into it, not a deity’s intervention in the composition.

Of course, if given the chance to choreograph my final departure, Samuel Barber’s "Adagio for Strings" would be a fine choice for greeting eternity. The music would play through, then end, and on the very next beat so would I. There would be the final silence, and life would continue without me.

Although on second thought the concluding power chord of The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” would work just as well. It makes no difference, as I won’t be around to feel it.

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Recent columns:

August 22: ON THE AVENUES: The 32 most influential books in my life.

August 15: ON THE AVENUES: Breakfast is better with those gorgeous little herrings.

August 8: ON THE AVENUES: Unless you open your eyes, “resistance” is an empty gesture.

August 1: ON THE AVENUES: The whys and wherefores can drive a man to drink; our lives just ARE, and that's that.

Taking a knee with Nick Wright and Bill Hanson.

Wright rests the case.

Hanson?

It's back to the same old symbols, not social justice.

You know it's bad when you wish Chris Morris had written it instead.

I understand why a newspaper like the News and Tribune feels it is compelled to write at an elementary school level.

What I'll never understand is why it must think at the same level.

Watch Wright's video, Bill.

HANSON: Symbolism and Sensibility — our national angst, by Bill Hanson (Southern Indiana Christianity Today)

 ... Players and coaches have every right, I guess, to take a knee, lock arms, hang out in the tunnel or turn cartwheels during the playing of the National Anthem. OK, not cartwheels. That would be disrespectful and just plain silly. But they do have a right to protest oppression and racism. And, I’ll admit that Sunday’s protest garnered plenty of attention. But to what end? Social media exploded with just what you might expect. Videos and memes from each side supporting or tearing down the other. Not a lot of meaningful dialog about the best ways to stamp out oppression or racism has come to light so far.

Shopping cart blurbs, magazine ads, billboards ... and now the NTSPY Awards. How much of your money is Jeff Gahan spending on all this?

Proving that appetite suppression is the healthiest diet of all, we established earlier today that Jeff Gahan's boundless cult of personality has embraced selected grocery chains.

Scraping rock bottom: Jeff Gahan brings his cult of personality to Kroger shopping carts. But who paid for these political ads?

The question was intended to be rhetorical, and the answer is obvious: If you're a New Albany resident, you're paying for it.

You're paying for Gahan's belief that he's a rock star politician. As regular reader MC soon pointed out, you're also paying for other examples of Gahan's incessant personality cult expansion.

Just saw full page inside cover in Extol magazine with his pic. What legitimate reason is there for that? They are all over. It's blatant political advertising and the public is paying for it. The man has no shame.

Neither does the Democratic Party.

Here's another ad, this one in the News and Tribune's business magazine.

We've often noted that the city of New Albany is a big advertiser in the News and Tribune, with neither party willing to cease their mutual back rubs long enough to discuss publicly the extent of expenditures.

This topic resurfaces whenever the newspaper fails to ask hard questions of Gahan's municipal government ... or, several times weekly.

Have we mentioned that the newspaper hosts a high school sports award program?

2017 NTSPY Awards

The News and Tribune invites you to attend the Fourth Annual News and Tribune Sports Performance Yearly Awards. Join us in recognizing the accomplishments of the top male and female athletes from 12 Clark and Floyd county high schools.

Family and guests are invited to join free of charge this year thanks to the generosity of our sponsors.

You've probably already guessed the primary sponsor.

Do you live in New Albany? You're paying for this, too, though at least Gahan's mug isn't pasted where the anchor resides, sinking ever further into the muck of an Ohio River flood plain.

In another startling coincidence, and just like cooking school before it, the NTSPY Award show is held at Eastside Christian, where publisher Bill Hanson is an elder ...

... and one of his columnists used to be a minister.

Maybe this explains why there still is no atheism column. Jeeebus knows, we've tried.

Unless you're a subscriber, you're not paying for Hanson's choice of columnist. However, you're still paying when the newspaper doesn't dare disturb the serenity of public officials who've grasped the utility of using your money to pay for political advertising disguised as public service announcements and/or philanthropy.

You see, the newspaper doesn't question any of it.

But the newspaper's purpose is to ask these questions, right?

And when it won't?

That's the real problem, isn't it?

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As an addendum, NAC has been unable to confirm whether New Albany Mayor Jeff M. Gahan or anyone working in the city's administration is under federal investigation or indictment for corruption, bribery or racketeering. It is standard policy of the U.S. Justice Department to refuse to confirm or deny the existence or non-existence of investigations or subjects of investigations. A similar policy exists at the F.B.I.

CARTOON: The News and Tribune's Bill Hanson weighs the relative merits of investigative journalism.

Seabrookism: In order to remain local, the hospital sale proceeds must be wired to Wells Fargo in California.

Of course, the first sentence to jump out from the Morrass ...

Floyd County Council files court action against auditor, treasurer; Auditor Scott Clark says money to be transferred today, by Chris Morris (Conscience of John Wilkes Booth)

 ... is this one.

Clark and Berger have been criticized for not transferring the money and defying an agreement signed by the council and Floyd County Commissioners to invest the money with the Community Foundation.

This is true, though from the beginning there has been a whole other side (here and here) to the story, this side being the one almost entirely ignored by the newspaper, which has stooped to drearily touting John Q. Public's purported voice in an unscientific on-line poll, and overall, meekly obeyed the advertising-driven dictates of the publisher, who isn't a newsman, but who picked and pushed his own version of reality in spite of acknowledging a conflict of interest with regard to his board position on the Community Foundation of Southern Indiana.

But here's another quote even more revealing than the one before.

Clark confirmed by email Thursday morning that the money is being transferred at 11:30 a.m. EDT. "I have wire instructions to transfer the money to Wells Fargo bank in California," Clark said in an email.

Great. To keep the sale proceeds in the community, we must ship them to California.

And Wells Fargo?

Chew on this, Bill Hanson.

City of Seattle Dumps Wells Fargo Over DAPL, by Frank Hopper (Indian Country Media Network)

Financing Dakota Access Pipeline puts US bank in more hot water

For months supporters of the Standing Rock Sioux have been urged to boycott Wells Fargo, the world’s second largest bank, because of its financing of the Dakota Access Pipeline. Many closed their Wells Fargo checking and savings accounts, moving the money to credit unions. The amounts weren’t much, perhaps a few hundred or a few thousand dollars each. One supporter, however, represented a bit more, about $3 billion.

On Monday, December 12, the Seattle City Council introduced legislation that would effectively sever the city’s relationship with Wells Fargo. The bank currently manages the city’s $3 billion operating account, which includes the $30 million biweekly employee payroll.

Seattle gets it, even if lame ducks like Matt Oakley don't.

Just imagine the money staying right here, at home, in its own foundation, where it could stay right here and be reinvested right here to produce returns ... right here.

Scott Clark tried, but in the Strange Case of the Withheld Hospital Sale Bucks, the fix was very firmly "IN," and the Community Foundation had no intention of relinquishing the commissioner's proffered reins.

Thursday morning newspaper update here.  

Previously ...

In the matter of hospital sale proceeds, Floyd County's auditor and treasurer are fulfilling their fiduciary responsibilities. We should be thanking, not berating them.

The staff of NA Confidential took Bill Hanson's News and Tribune op-ed piece and ran it through our handy Kenmore fact-checker. When it came out the other side, it read quite differently than before.

In fact, it's been rendered factual. We challenge Hanson to publish our version in his newspaper, and provide the other side to this story. Hanson's original text is in black, and our fact-checked update in red.

Tuesday night's Floyd County government meeting under the Pine View Big Top was described by an acquaintance as the single most dysfunctional such gathering he'd ever witnessed, hands down.

Sadly, various signs since then point to the resolution of the GOP's internecine struggle over the disposition of hospital sale proceeds.

Gazing into the fog of battle, it seems that besieged auditor Scott Clark will be capitulating and authorizing the release of funds to the Community Foundation of Southern Indiana. Come what may, I'm grateful for this example of a public official standing on principle for the greater good.

And for those readers (and even Hanson, who probably doesn't read at all) unable to fathom a public official taking a stand based on a matter of principle, it might help them to consult the discipline we know as "history," and specifically (among others), the Saturday Night Massacre.

Chris Morris covered the Tuesday meeting. Look it up if you will, but to me, Hanson's unseemly intervention has poisoned the well insofar as the News and Tribune's coverage is concerned. We don't need stenographers to faithfully record the wisdom of Papa Doc Seabrook. Rather, there should be real questions and answers, and not rote deference to father figures. Maybe I'm old-fashioned that way.

In the end, my take hasn't changed. Good, bad or indifferent, the hospital sale was handed to citizens of Floyd County as a fait ac·com·pli (ˈfet əkämˈplē,ˈfāt/):

A thing that has already happened or been decided before those affected hear about it, leaving them with no option but to accept.

"the results were presented to shareholders as a fait accompli"

So too was the disposition of the funds. I'd prefer to see them invested in some sort of "Community Foundation of Floyd County," controlled by us, for us. There are existing templates for such entities, and there also are other ways this investment decision might have been made. Unfortunately, the same old back alley boilerplate, dispensed by the usual self-interested suspects, yet again has been the order of the day.

Why do we normalize this?

It has been the pinnacle of disingenuousness for the big wheels to suggest that one or two comment sessions at sparsely attended public meetings, pertaining to a huge investment decision safely settled behind the scenes before the merely symbolic votes were tabulated, somehow constitute consensus.

These may satisfy bare minimum standards of public "discussion," but the reality is far different, and we all know it. It would be refreshing it we could admit as much on widely scattered occasions, rather than hiding behind patriarchal veils of mock propriety.

As Hanson illustrated in his bizarre ad rag op-ed, openly conceding a personal conflict of interest, but refusing to let it stand in the way of petulantly directing his omnibus advertising vehicle (i.e., "newspaper") to openly advocate for a position not connected to embarrassing cooking schools or reality jail-bait television programs, the Community Foundation was not about to let Seabrook's gift horse gallop from the paddock.

Without further comment, here is the transcript of a public Fb conversation between NAC's roving contributor and a member of the Community Foundation board. I find it instructive, and hope that you do, too.

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Kyle Ridout‎ (to NA Confidential; December 13 at 11:54 p.m.)
If Floyd County had transferred the fund to the Community Foundation at the beginning of November, their fund would have grown now by $2.49 million.

Jeff Gillenwater
Where would that money have been invested? Who would be using it and to what ends?

KR
Good questions. Call Kenton Wooden at the Community Foundation. I think he would be happy to answer those questions. I do know as far as the income is concerned, decisions regarding that would fall to the city and county councils.

JG
I read through the Foundation's published investment policies and couldn't find any ethical guidelines pertaining to the sorts of investments that are acceptable. That would seem like a major step toward ensuring a community wasn't shooting itself in the foot with its investments, particularly when public money is involved. In that regard, there's no such thing as an apolitical board or foundation, only whether we as shareholders get to vote them in or out. That's a lot of power that would be transferred to a private entity and, honestly, asking that everyone in the county call an individual to learn what a board member doesn't know or can't share isn't a very satisfying answer. It's the sort of thing that should be settled well before a transfer of funds. I think there are a lot of people who might need to reexamine this situation. I don't know if the public officials holding up the transfer have a legal leg to stand on, but I'm starting to appreciate their efforts much more.

KR
If you called and found out the facts, you could report back what you hear first hand rather than interpreting. Your choice.

JG
But you're the board member advocating for this massive transfer of public funds. Doesn't responsibility for those facts fall on you? If you don't know how and where the money would be invested and/or how much we'll be charged in administrative fees, how can you say if it's a good idea or not? The only thing I'm "interpreting" is that there isn't much public information to be interpreted.

JG
And, also, where did you get the $2.49 million number?

KR
I am not going to endlessly argue with you. If you want answers, you have a completely open path to get them. Yet, your desire to have an argument for the sake of arguing is similar to what internet trolls do and I will not take part. Attend the meetings, make the phone calls, but do not pretend that you can't find the factual answers. Stating suppositions, superstitions, and conspiracy theories does not help anyone.

JG
Argue endlessly? You've yet to posit any sort of argument at all beyond a specious return on investment claim. Not being knowledgeable about the potential investment is OK. Publishing exact dollar amounts as a board member in order to persuade the public sans that knowledge is not OK.

KR
I did not say I was ignorant of investment strategies. Indeed, I serve on that committee. However, I will not participate in a conversation which is just a vehicle for you to show an augmentative bravado. Jeff, you need to learn that not everyone is your adversary and you can learn more through kindness and care rather than getting the better of someone. Sorry, but I do not take the bait of someone who just wants to argue and tear down.

JG
I simply asked a couple of very straightforward questions pertaining directly to the potential investment that any responsible investor would ask. My investment decision making is always impacted by those questions. You could have answered them just as simply. Instead, you chose to make assumptions and impugn motives. If you do become a steward of such a large amount of public money, you won't have the option of not participating in such conversations. Perhaps that's something for you to think about in terms of your advocacy and involvement. Such insularity is certainly a concern in dealing with a private entity.

KR
Understood, yet I will not engage with someone I know who would not speak to me that way in person. In order to gain any understanding, you must do it in a peaceful fashion. You lost me when you celebrated your own ego in finding a platform to exploit. So much could have been achieved otherwise. I am a volunteer pure and simple. Roasting me on the internet does no one any good.

JG
I would ask the exact same questions/speak to you in the exact same way in person-- again, more assumptions. There's nothing not peaceful about asking them. Making public assertions and attempting to sway public opinion about such a high dollar/high impact public issue - particularly as a board member of an organization that has a direct fiduciary interest in that issue - while being unwilling to answer even very basic questions is not peaceful. It's disrespectful to the public at large as potential investors. You swung in here after arguing with people yesterday to try to prove a big point. I asked questions. You got irked. So be it. If you do the same thing again, you can expect more questions.

KR
I did not get irked Jeff. And I did answer questions until the meanness began. You can veil it any way you like. In the end, no one would respond in a favorable fashion to what you posted. I gave you an avenue to get your questions answered through a simple phone call. You just chose to keep attacking.

JG
I'm not veiling anything. If you're going to participate in these public discussions as a foundation official, try to make swaying points, question others and their motives, etc., my expectation is that you'll answer questions yourself. Throughout this exchange and your exchanges with others on this topic, though, you've continually suggested/harangued people about attending meetings, phone calling others, etc.. If you're interested in engagement and actual discourse, why not just share what you know? As I mentioned earlier, if a person is going to try to make a proactive argument in favor of something, doesn't it behoove that person to provide evidence, facts, figures, lines of reasoning in support? By not doing that, you set this up as a "find out for yourself" or "prove me wrong" scenario. As I also mentioned earlier, the idea that everyone in Floyd County with any questions should all call a particular individual at the foundation is untenable. It doesn't constitute a reasonable, good faith attempt at information sharing. Given that this conversation and many others concerning this potential investment are occurring in digital space via one of many platforms specifically designed to share digital content, it would be extraordinarily easy to share information related to potential investment strategies, any ethical guidelines about which types of investments are acceptable, expected rates of return, exit strategies, etc.. Where is any of that? "Call Kenton" and "Did you attend previous meetings?" function here as obfuscation, not education. By suggesting that you might not know, I was being far friendlier than suggesting that you just wouldn't answer. As it turns out, though, you just won't answer. We already have plenty of people in decision making positions who take that approach. It's difficult to think that adding more would be beneficial in the long term, especially if what's occurred here is reflective of how the foundation board might handle questions in future.

In the matter of hospital sale proceeds, Floyd County's auditor and treasurer are fulfilling their fiduciary responsibilities. We should be thanking, not berating them.

The staff of NA Confidential took Bill Hanson's News and Tribune op-ed piece and ran it through our handy Kenmore fact-checker. When it came out the other side, it read quite differently than before.

In fact, it's been rendered factual. We challenge Hanson to publish our version in his newspaper, and provide the other side to this story. Hanson's original text is in black, and our fact-checked update in red.

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HANSON: Auditor, treasurer overstepping their authority

CITIZEN: Auditor, treasurer fulfilling their fiduciary responsibilities

I’ve been in the publishing business for 32 years. I’ve seen a lot of mind-numbing decisions when politicians get their heads together.

You may have thought I was in journalism and news-gathering, but you would be wrong. I’m in publishing. I’ve ignored a lot of mind-numbing decisions when politicians get their heads together.

However, what we have seen unfold with Floyd County Auditor Scott Clark and Floyd County Treasurer Linda Berger appears to me as arrogance of the highest order. They have thrown basic rules of order out the window and are ignoring the will of the county’s fiscal and executive bodies.

However, what we have seen unfold with the Floyd County Commission and Floyd County Council appears to me to be arrogance of the highest order. They have thrown the basic rules of financial responsibility out (of) the window and are acting politically, and as is usual as the county’s fiscal and executive bodies, ignoring the best interest of the people they were elected by.

This pair of elected officials have disregarded the pleas of other elected officials, this newspaper and private citizens to transfer $70 million from the sale of Floyd Memorial Hospital to the Community Foundation of Southern Indiana. Instead, the funds sit in a Certificate of Deposit at MainSource Bank, earning little financial return.

These two groups have disregarded the pleas of their own mega-compensated attorneys, retained to advise on this very issue, and numerous online news sites and private citizens to keep an element of democracy in the use of $70 million from the sale of Floyd Memorial Hospital by creating a county-established foundation as Indiana’s Porter County did with the proceeds from the sale of their publicly owned hospital. Instead, they want to sue the county’s financial auditor and treasurer to force the funds into a private foundation and invest them into a volatile stock market.

For total transparency, in addition to my role as publisher of the News and Tribune, I sit on the board of directors for the Community Foundation and I reside in Clark County, not Floyd.

For total transparency, not only am I not a journalist, but I sit on the board of directors of that exact private foundation, which would see its portfolio more than triple if those funds were turned over to us. And I reside in Clark County, not Floyd.

No matter what you do for a living, how you volunteer your time or in which city you lay your head at night, this fiasco should put you on high alert for government officials meddling where they do not belong.

No matter what you do for a living, how you volunteer your time or in which city you lay your head at night, this fiasco should put you on high alert for government officials botching the sale of a major public asset.

An agreement was signed in November by Commissioners and Council members to transfer the funds to the Foundation, yet Clark and Berger have somehow seen fit to ignore the document.

An agreement was signed in November by Commissioners and Council members to transfer the funds to the Foundation, yet Auditor Scott Clark and Treasurer Linda Berger have seen fit to protect the citizenry from a rashly made decision.

Commissioner Steve Bush asked Clark at a meeting Tuesday night, “Where are we at with the transfer of the money?” Clark replied, “I have no comment in regards to the transfer of the money.”

Commissioner Steve Bush asked Clark at a meeting Tuesday night, “Where are we at with the transfer of the money?” Clark replied, “You have publicly threatened to sue me, so I have no comment in regards to the transfer of the money.”

Sorry Mr. Clark, you’ve invited the spotlight to shine on you. Saying you have no comment doesn’t cut it. Floyd County voters deserve a better understanding of your motives.

Thanks Mr. Clark, you’ve earned the right to be applauded by elected officials, news gathering organizations and private citizens. Saying you have no comment is the only appropriate response to threatened litigation. Floyd County voters deserve to know why you have stepped up to protect their interests.

Whether or not Clark and Berger agree with the transfer of the money to CFSI is irrelevant. The officials charged with representing Floyd County in the matter did their due diligence. Their members researched and debated the issue and then agreed to move $70 million to an investment plan with the Foundation.

Whether or not Clark and Berger agree with the transfer of the money to CFSI is irrelevant. The officials charged with representing Floyd County in the matter – Clark and Berger - continue to do their due diligence. They have researched the issue and consulted with attorneys and then decided that moving $70 million to an investment plan with the Foundation is the wrong thing to do at this time.

Frankly, as long as I reside outside Floyd County, the final action on this issue will have little effect on me. It will, however, have a profound effect on Floyd County and its people for decades. The proposed investment strategy by CFSI officials is a safe and fiscally responsible plan of action. Relying on government officials to safeguard $70 million could be as dicey as giving a child the key to a candy shop.

Frankly, as long as I reside outside Floyd County, the final action on this issue will have little effect on me. It will, however, have a profound effect on Floyd County and its people for decades. The proposed investment strategy by CFSI officials was a boilerplate agreement designed for modest bequests and not a $70 million capital investment. Relying on government officials to safeguard $70 million is precisely the way democracy was designed to work.

So Floyd County residents, this is your opportunity to speak up and make a difference. Your auditor and treasurer have made it very clear they don’t believe they are obligated to follow the will of your county government. Maybe, just maybe, they will listen to you.

So Floyd County residents, this is your opportunity to speak up and make a difference. Your auditor and treasurer have made it very clear they don’t believe they are obligated to abandon their fiduciary duties simply because other elected officials want to privatize public money. Maybe, just maybe, they deserve your thanks.

Delete your account, Bill: Publisher (not newsman) Hanson takes time out from cooking school, wears Community Foundation conflict-of-interest on sleeve, denounces horrible "meddling" politicians but gives Jeff Gahan an eternal free ride.

Let's consult Occam's Razor:

Maybe the best explanation for why the Floyd County auditor and treasurer are withholding hospital sale funds from the Community Foundation is the simplest, in that placing these hospital sale funds with the Community Foundation is a bad political decision, one that was made entirely without substantive public input -- and, in fact, the auditor and treasurer are standing on principle for the future good of the public as a whole. 

And there's this:

It's endlessly frustrating to watch as Hanson floats serenely above the ongoing carnage of his newspaper's daily operation (but by his own reckoning he's in publishing, not news), in that all these wonderful principles of transparency and accountability currently pricking his skin because the Community Foundation is involved seem never to apply to New Albany City Hall's weekly evasions and subterfuge.

You know, like sewer rate increases sneaking through a December back door, and the newspaper's inexcusable three-day time lag in reporting it. Bill, need I remind you that you blithely sanctioned what amounted to a full year's blackout of New Albany news coverage by refusing to retain adequate staffing?

And so yet again, while we're on the topic of conflicts of interest, allow me to ask this question of Hanson:

How much advertising revenue flows from the City of New Albany to the News and Tribune on a yearly basis?

HANSON: Auditor, treasurer overstepping their authority, by Bill Hanson (Alabama Absenteeism Inc.)

For total transparency, in addition to my role as publisher of the News and Tribune, I sit on the board of directors for the Community Foundation and I reside in Clark County, not Floyd.

334 days later, the News and Tribune finally explains: New Albany was screwed for almost a year so the paper can "redefine" its approach. Thanks, Bill. May we have another?

In short, New Albany went 334 days without a beat reporter so the chain paper could hire a particular reporter to specialize in business, and concurrently, seize an opportunity to "redefine" its approach to community coverage by eliminating the concept of "beat reporter" entirely.

Instead, there'll be five broad areas embracing the geographical coverage area: Business/Economic Development (Grady); Education (Clapp); Crime (DePompei); Lifestyle/Health (Rickert); and Government (Beilman).

That's right. Crime, which continues to decline nationwide, merits its own reporter, perhaps because a proper understanding of reality television demands it.

Here's the introduction to the reporter Bill Hanson waited a year to hire:

Grady joins News and Tribune staff as business reporter; Indy Star fellow, former intern completes news team, by Elizabeth Beilman

And here's the editor's explanation for why all this is happening, in which she seems to suggest that it's a waste of time to cover meetings; of course, if we've learned anything at NAC these past few years, it's that the most obscure appointed boards meeting at the worst possible times tend to be the ones making the sort of decisions that impact citizens the most.

But let's not allow that to stand in the way of entertainment.

DUNCAN: Redefining our approach to news, by Susan Duncan.

On the positive side, Duncan's explanation of these changes suggests that Chris Morris now serves only as assistant editor, and this constitutes addition by subtraction. Surely he can't defend the status quo as vigorously now.

In spite of the secrecy and subterfuge, and setting aside my doubts, I'm willing to give this new approach a chance. It's possible that this approach evens the playing field with regard to Floyd and Clark County coverage, and if so, I'll applaud it. This will be difficult, given River Ridge envy, but it is possible. Perhaps the previous era of editorial narcolepsy finally will be surmounted.

However, it won't be forgotten how badly Bill Hanson played this hand since September of 2015.

Hanson screwed New Albany for 333 days without comment or public explanation. He is a putz, and the next time he mounts the podium to accept a community service award, a cream pie should be aimed squarely at his face.

I volunteer for the job. Someone's got to speak for us, right?

It's August 22, Day 333 ... and Hansonologists are on full alert.

Encrypted back-channel, classified "dark" security messages came to the Green Mouse, who naturally assumed they were from City Hall, but the smell of Chain 'Bama leaped from the envelope.

Using his Jack Armstrong secret decoder whistle ring, the Green Mouse concluded that August 22 was to be the day when New Albany would regain its beat reporter after 11 months on the lam.

When there's white smoke from Bill Hanson's motorcycle exhaust pipe, there'll be good news.

Until then, it's just more of the same white flag.

It's been 311 days since New Albany had a beat reporter, but the News and Tribune seeks an expeditor.

Perhaps Nic Cage is available, but we know you're curious.

An expeditor is someone who facilitates a process. It is a position or role found within project management, construction, purchasing and production control.

Blah blah fucking blah.

The next time Bill Hanson rises from his seat at a fluff banquet to claim victory for the depth and reach of his CNHI franchise's new coverage, isn't it pie-in-the-face time?

Council frivolity, slice number one: The council makes mad passionate love to a "referendumn."

Pretty soon the Jeffersonville paper will be reduced to hiring temps to cover New Albany news. Does Bill "Publisher of the Year for Profits" Hanson really believe ten months of neglect doesn't show on a daily basis?

It isn't that this week's revolving replacement reporter fails to note the highlights of the city council meeting on Thursday evening, which I couldn't attend owing to this being my family reunion weekend.

Rather, it is this: The primary reason for having a beat reporter in the first place is to allow the reporter time to contextualize, and to extract the important bits from the bilge.

However, it's all we have, so we'll use what we can. First, the council's embrace of the school corporation's $87 million referendum.

New Albany residents concerned road construction will lead to more flooding; Council passes resolution to support NAFC Schools referendum.

RESOLUTION FOR REFERENDUMN PASSES

The council voted 8-0 in favor of supporting the New Albany-Floyd County Consolidated Schools referendum, with Coffey abstaining.

He cited concerns with the city taking schools out of neighborhoods, where parents can be involved, and leaders worrying too much about school buildings over students and teachers.

“Let's get back to the basics,” he said. “Quit worrying about buildings and worry about (teaching the children).”

Other council members spoke on the merits of having nice school facilities — it can be a greater learning environment and bring students back to their hometown to raise families if the amenities are good.

Councilman Greg Phipps also brought up that newer or upgraded facilities can more easily and safely be locked down in an active shooter situation.

(Alternative spelling of "referendum" is the paper's, not mine.)

Passage of the resolution was a foregone conclusion, but the final score is interesting for three reasons:

1. Once again, Scott Blair somehow located a banker's top-secret special exception to oft-stated principle about the disposable meaningless of council resolutions, and voted in favor of this one. That't two in a row, Scott. When exceptions become the rule, they're no longer exceptions.

2. Once again, Dan Coffey repeatedly stated opposition to a measure, only to meekly abstain when the vote came down. We've seen this so many times over the years that it has ceased to be novel, even if it remains grimly fascinating, as though watching as 71-year-old Pete Townshend tries (and fails) to smash his guitar.

3. Did Greg Phipps really say this -- and if so, given his support for gun control, was it a facetious remark, the snark of which eluded the reporter?

I suspect it was. It's all about context, Bill. It genuinely matters to those of us who actually live here, as opposed to Alabama. Can we have our reporter back yet, or are you passing the savings along to yourself?

(In Part Two, Timosoara meets Klerner Lane)

It's been 257 days since New Albany had its own News and Tribune beat reporter. In other news, Bill Hanson has congratulated himself and hired an editor.

Shouldn't that be "leder"?

News and Tribune appoints new editor: Veteran newspaper executive Susan Duncan to lead newsroom

A new leader has been named to guide the News and Tribune’s editorial vision ...

Editorial vision?

Like cooking school and reality television analysis?

What is this, The Onion?

The remaining bits include quite a bit of self-congratulatory rhetoric about the great faith-based work Bill Hanson is doing to ignore New Albany. Meanwhile, the new editor doesn't appear to be on social media, which would serve the dual purpose of sparing us frequent statements of hipster cred, while affording her the time to hire a beat reporter for NA.

Shea Van Hoy bids farewell to the newspaper that has bid farewell to New Albany.

Hope springs eternal -- but CNHI remains the overlord.

Even greater chain localism, anyone?

Hail to the thief. Long live the chain. I'm comfortably numb.

In conjunction this week with numerous other CNHI chain newspapers, the News and Tribune erected an on-line metered paywall. You'll even have to pay to read the explanation of why you have to pay, except that I already reprinted it.

To summarize conclusions gleaned from recent Twitter exchanges, the cost for electronic access is $10 per month, compared with $15 to receive newsprint according to the US Postal Service's delivery schedule. The "Front Page" it ain't.

Finally the most recent temporary publisher Bill "Sales, Not Content" Hanson has conceded that your monthly tithe will not buy a reprieve from the intrusive roll-over videos and pop-up/over/under, buzzing-gnat-like advertisements that justifiably render the newspaper's on-line interface a local laughingstock. For this reason, I'm in no mood to subscribe. I'm okay with the price, just not paying it to be insulted by a chain.

Last night at Twitter, Jeffersonville-based managing editor Shea Van Hoy reinforced Hanson's earlier insistence that working together, they produce an "excellent community newspaper," by cautioning me not to peek around the paywall.

I would ask, Roger, that you not post entire N&T articles to your blog, as you did w/council story. I'm fine if you want to post a link, as you have in the past. Otherwise, it's theft.

In short:

Roger, there'll be none of that. I've no intention during this life or any other to follow of once acknowledging that time in 2011 when I screwed you over about your column after you did me a favor, but if you would, please resume directing traffic toward our paywalled website, as NAC has done for nine years running with scant thanks from us -- but anything else is mere thievery, to be quelled by sending the Community Newspaper Gendarmes to your back door ... of course, as soon as we fly them up on coach from Alabama, to which a sizeable portion of the $120 yearly cost will be going to Dixiecrat pensioners, anyway, even as we continue to insist that somehow, in some convoluted and wholly imaginary way with fingers crossed behind our backs, we're not a chain.

Shrug. Yawn. Somewhere, a dog fertilizes a bush.

This topic effectively has jumped the shark, along with Doug England's future in politics and the notion that this city by sanity's edge actually possesses a downtown economic development strategy. With the periodic exception of lifers past the point of mobility, chain outlets typically are staffed by folks eventually moving elsewhere, to other chains, and so it will be with this one, too. Maybe the next batch will be better. Maybe not. Whatever. In the final analysis, it just isn't worth giving a tinker's damn one way or another.

As we await Trib Daniel’s inevitable rejoinders -- touchingly, he is the newspaper's Jim Fowler, wrestling diabetic hippos in the oozing swamp as his upper management emulates Marlon Perkins, sipping chilled daiquiris in the hovering executive copter -- permit me to note that I’m happy to comply with Van Hoy's warning.

Henceforth, I’ll offer only rough paraphrasings of whatever I read at the 'Bune and ‘Bamagator ... however I manage to read it, and as seldom as possible. After all, I'm far less a thief than a spy in the house of bile.

Cheers.

News and Tribune eliminates Sunday, adds Monday, calls it "robust." I call it very bad writing.

I guess that's what happens when advertising salespeople pretend to be journalists in a society where too few people can tell the difference, which makes me feel for the genuine, trained journalists who must listen to people like me pontificate, when their publishers evidently don't read the paper, anyway, or else they would not foist tripe like this on us in the guise of news.

Seriously, real journalists don't write ad copy like this unless derringers wrapped in pink slips are pointed at their heads -- do they?

The News and Tribune will launch a Weekend edition Saturday and also begin publication of a Monday edition starting Monday, publisher Bill Hanson announced Wednesday.

The Weekend edition will feature the combined content of the current Saturday and Sunday publications and will be delivered by mail on Saturdays. It will be available at area retail outlets and newspaper racks starting Saturday morning and into Sunday.

“We are combining two already strong newspapers into one even more robust product — as well as adding a Monday newspaper many subscribers have been asking for,” Hanson said.

Then comes the inevitable, albeit it delayed, punch line:

The Monday paper — like the rest of the week — will be delivered the same day by the U.S. Postal Service. The News and Tribune will not publish a paper on federal holidays because there is no mail delivery.

Reckon that's the real dollars and cents reason for all the smoke, mirrors and bull feces, right?

Another bottom line decision from the Retirement Systems of Alabama, just like the one that has deprived New Albany of its local newspaper for the first time since before the Civil War.

Well, I can speak only for myself and the missus.

I've persisted as a subscriber solely because of the Sunday edition, being an old fart and actually enjoying the feel and smell of newsprint with coffee on a lazy morning off. Hanson's "robust" explanation quite simply is a contrived insult to the intelligence of any thinking human, especially New Albany's newspaper readers, who already are the major losers in the pension fund-driven "combining" of newspaper operations.

Lest the point be raised: Editor Shea Van Hoy has explained to me in detail the reason for my column no longer appearing, and although it's disappointing, I respect both him and the reasoning behind the decision. This is not about that, because I had no intention of dropping my subscription until Wednesday's announcement.

Now, there's no choice. Anyone want to start a newspaper?