Thursday, November 20, 2008

Live adult entertainment ordinance: The words stir passions, but is foreplay enough?

Searching through the pages the other day, I was surprised to learn that the city of New Albany’s Code of Ordinances includes a very lengthy and exhaustive section dating from the year 2001 that defines “live” adult entertainment businesses.

It is fascinating reading, and details a licensing procedure for such “live adult” businesses and those employed therein, mandates the establishment of a 7-member Adult Entertainment Commission (AEC), creates an adult entertainment enforcement officer, and compiles a plethora of fines and penalties for non-compliance.

It’s far too much material to reprint here, but you can peruse if online for your amusement and edification here: CHAPTER 120: LIVE ADULT ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESSES.

My first thought upon stumbling across this incredibly precise legislative document was to immediately withdraw my twice yearly pleas for City Hall to resuscitate the moribund Human Rights Commission. Frankly, a gig with the Adult Entertainment Commission strikes me as far more educational, so gimme a seat, please. I promise to bring popcorn and suitable "adult" refreshments, and to bravely refuse all offers of bribes from the Mafia.

After all, without personal integrity, how might a commission member expect to correctly gauge the merits of matters like, “Any live performance that, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value”?

At least there’s no current reason to consider the non-enforcement of a live adult entertainment ordinance … right?

If there were, the first place to look would be the office of the Building Commissioner, where budding adult entertainment entrepreneurs are required by the city’s ordinance to file licensing paperwork and pay fees. Note that an individual can serve as licensed owner, licensed operator or licensed entertainer, but not two or even three at the same time. One job description to a person, sayeth the ordinance.

Note also that approval of the licensing for all these legally defined entities, which is an expensive undertaking requiring much cash in escrow prior to fees being collected, lies in the hands of the AEC, which is handed sufficient power to request further information and carefully vet aspiring applicants.

In short, installing a pole or two, buying a few dozen g-strings and a gross of pasties, and putting in a moist towelette dispenser don’t quite combine to feed the bulldog when it comes to adhering to the regulations written by the city council seven years ago.

The only question in this, as in other issues of ordinance enforcement, is whether the concept of obeying is uniform or selective. Is the live adult entertainment ordinance alive? Or, like so many other well-intended statutes on the city’s rule books, does it remain as lifeless as Generalissimo Francisco Franco?

If you’ll excuse me, I‘m off to do some research. Updates follow.

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10:53 a.m. update: According to intrepid NAC reporter Gordy Gant, it would seem that in a startlingly pro-active turn, the adult entertainment ordinance signposted above already lies on city attorney Shane Gibson's desk for review owing to concerns raised over its constitutionality. Ironic, to say the least, but research continues, so stay tuned.

15 comments:

Iamhoosier said...

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,...

Jeff Gillenwater said...

I don't know, IAH. I'm not sure you'd be terribly attractive in a pair of pasties.

Chad Dowell said...

"A private investigator has uncovered illegal activities including and far worse than prostitution being offered by Theatair X itself. The Indiana Attorney General and the Federal Prosecutor for this district are ready to act, but the Clarksville Town Council is refusing to simply enforce existing laws by not allowing the local police to bust the facility. The council has been approached in private with the results of this 24 month investigation by a professional former FBI agent who calls Theatair X violations of sex laws "the worst I've seen in my 26 year career," but the council says it will not act because it has not heard any complaints from the citizens of this area about Theatair X. "

Along the same lines!

Christopher D said...

Will the adult entertainment enforcement officer have to inspect all potential "entertainers" to ensure that they are up to code?
*raising an eyebrow*

Iamhoosier said...

Bluegill,
So you would prefer me sans pasties?(worried)

Jeff Gillenwater said...

Maybe ROCK can help me.

Chad Dowell said...

Considering how much you LOVE ROCK, I thought ommitting that might be for the best.

Highwayman said...

See..see..I keep telling ya'll! It's in the water!!

Apparently Clarksville's city government has no more respect for law and the constitution than does our own here in Nawlbany!

Do ya think that Sara P. planted the seeds to secession amoungst us during her visit to Jeffersonville??

Perhaps those ole boys in Alaska have more allies than we know.

Jeff Gillenwater said...

This and the Theatair X bit remind me of when I was in college and a Louisville prosecutor, eager to make a political name for himself, announced that he was going to bust all the head shops in the Highlands. On TV. A few days ahead of time.

Paraphernalia prices were slashed to all time lows.

The shops set sales records, there was hardly anything left to bust, and, after getting made fun of for a month or so, I don't think the guy ever messed with them again.

I'm guessing now may be an excellent time to pick up marital aids for the naughty friends on your holiday shopping lists.

Chad Dowell said...

As much as I am against adult entertainment in and around our community, I know you'll never put an end to this kind of thing. There will always be those who desire some form of personal gratification, be it adult entertainment, drugs, alcohol or whatever else. The just say no mentality of the Reagan and Bush era for drugs along with prohibition where a horrible failure. Not to say legalization of drugs and prostitution is what I advocate, but I think (which I'm sure matters very little to those who change the laws) We need to step back and look at what has worked for other countries in these areas. To leave these issues in the apparently broken state they are, only to have some sort of moral objection, is truly a crime. There is too much money to be made and passed under the table for much to change I'm afraid.

Just my two cents worth.

Unknown said...

“Any live performance that, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value”

Couldn't this just as easily describe a local basketball or football game?

The New Albanian said...

It also describes the majority of city council meetings.

El Bastardo said...

BTW, that was me on the 10:48 post.

The New Albanian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The New Albanian said...

Not a problem.