"Progressio Inconsessus": Latest Coffey stratagem is a flag waver.

Apparently it was submitted too late to be an official agenda item for Thursday night, but our sources have turned up this startling resolution, purportedly offered by CM Dan Coffey, he of the 1st council district, who answers to the name "The Wiz." Coffey was unavailable for comment at press time. We are printing this, in the public interest, without modification of its form as it was delivered to us. - Ed.

Resolution No. 2006-06-15a - City Council of New Albany

Proposer: Councilman Dan Coffey

Date: June 15, 2006

Whereas, the City of New Albany has adopted ordinances (to wit: Sec. 11.01 and Sec. 11.02) designating an official flag for the City of New Albany, and

Whereas, the City Council of New Albany is a separate and distinct entity from the City of New Albany, and

Whereas, the City Council of New Albany, in their indisputable and omnipotent wisdom is deserving of a flag of the City Council of New Albany; and

Whereas, a separate flag is probably not the will of the people of New Albany, but the people don't know better,

Now Therefore, be it resolved that an ordinance be added to the municipal code of the City of New Albany, as follows:

Sec. 11.03 - DESCRIPTION AND ADOPTION OF OFFICIAL FLAG OF THE CITY COUNCIL OF NEW ALBANY, INDIANA.

(A) A gray background, symbolic of our desire to make the City of New Albany as dismal, provincial, and backward as possible, with a wave of blue on the outer edge of the fly of the flag, symbolic of the mighty Ohio River. Near the Ohio River shall be emblazoned an ostrich, with its head stuck in the ground, symbolic of our desire to avoid true issues concerning the fine citizenry of New Albany, and with the back of the ostrich to the Ohio River, symbolic of our desire to turn away from the river and the downtown area in general. In the center shall be emblazoned a neo-classical building, with the words "City Treasury." In the lower left of the hoist of the flag shall be emblazoned a sewer man hole, partially covered by a man hole cover, symbolic of, well, the sewers of New Albany. From the front door of the City Treasury to the open sewer man hole shall be emblazoned a stream of green rectangular objects, symbolic of money flowing from the city coffers into the sewer department, and further symbolic of our desire that the fine citizenry of New Albany not be required to pay the true cost of sewer service, but instead have that cost subsidized by other city revenues, and thus making it impossible to advance the city of New Albany by using city revenues for enhancement (like Scribner Place). The legend "City Council of New Albany" in a font reminiscent of writing by a young child, first learning to print, shall be emblazoned in the upper left corner of the flag, to ensure that all know who this flag represents. In the lower right corner of the flag shall be the motto of the City Council of New Albany, the Latin phrase, "Progressio Inconsessus," which of course, translates to Progress Forbidden.

(B) The flag described above (and graphically depicted below), shall be displayed at all meetings of the City Council of New Albany, until we pull our heads out of the sand or fail to get re-elected.