This just in: An invoice from the 4th District.

As relayed to NAC by a crayon-stained Stewart the Wonder Spokespuppy, 4th District councilman Larry Kochert has released a detailed sat of demands and threatened that if his conditions are not met, he’ll vote with the Siamese Councilmen against Scribner Place because “Dick and I wouldn’t be going there, anyway, so what’s the use – I mean, really, do you expect retired folks like us not to use the drive-through window?”

Among the councilman’s demands are these:

Caesar’s Foundation officials must bring two pounds of M & M’s (red ones removed, of course) purchased at gambler expense from Wal-Mart and a fresh urn of decaffeinated McDonald’s coffee to the next council meeting, and bow politely each time he asks for a refill.

Mayor Garner must wear a leather clown suit and sing “YMCA” in Kochert’s back yard next time the councilmen grills out with friends.

The County Council must annually pay exactly $137,500.01 as its share in Scribner Place by filling 275,000 penny rolls and stuffing them into the redevelopment commission’s night collection box after hours, with the final mint-edition penny to be hand-delivered to Kochert by the County Council president, who must wear a clown suit (see above).

The YMCA must provide a Webster’s Dictionary so the councilman can look up what Mike Ricke meant by the word “shenanigans,” which sounds like it might be Irish or some other foreign language.

The voting public must promise not make the obvious electoral connection between the long, dull years of Kochert’s council service and the current depressed condition of the city.

The voting public also must promise not make the obvious electoral connection between the long, dull years of Kochert’s sewer board service and prospective enhanced rates to dispose of their effluent.

If the Gang of Four’s self-fulfilling prophecies come to pass and downtown revitalization is stalled, Kochert is awarded exclusive world distribution rights to the phrase, “I toldya so,” ahead of both Dan Coffey and Steve Price, because "I've been there longer than they have."

NA Confidential must pay all cleaning bills associated with stains caused by Kochert’s loyal guard puppy wetting the carpet, because it’s “the blogs’ fault, I tellya - he never useta to that.”

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Here is tonight’s city council agenda.