Thursday, December 29, 2005

Another day, another breathless GFNA pronouncement of impending doom.

In today’s Courier-Journal, reporter Ben Zion Hershberg transcribes gag lines straight from the GFNA (Gang of Four News Agency) rumor wire, via city councilman Larry Kochert’s mobile communications center:

New Albany contract not signed; Councilmen worried about trash pickup.

Several members of the New Albany City Council fear garbage collection could be disrupted next week because Mayor James Garner hasn't completed a contract with the company that is supposed to take over by Tuesday.

Of course, both the mayor and Eco-Tech’s representative are eventually quoted to the effect that “garbage collection will happen on Tuesday morning,” but utilizing a reporter to deliver non-newsworthy reassurances is not why Slippery Larry disseminates strategic leaks the same way your dog prances happily around the back yard, and is abetted in this territorial imperative by the usual hopping mad suspects, i.e., our Siamese Councilmen Dan Coffey and Steve Price, with subdued backing vocals by token council Republican Mark Seabrook.

NA Confidential would have preferred a stiff jolt of espresso to gentler hot tea, but we’ve opted for the latter in order to read the leaves, and consequently, we’ll venture a prediction that this latest furor will turn out to be little more than Chapter 56 of the continuing saga, “Much Ado About Nothing: The Obstructionist’s Monologue,” and that the sanitation contract will be signed, garbage will be collected, and that the majority of New Albanians who do not waste their lives embracing the world according to SOLNA (conspiratorial triteness, badly written by the perpetually masked, for the benefit of the scant half-dozen) will be unaware of the changeover.

Might we trouble the Courier for a dollop of real news?

7 comments:

Tim Deatrick said...

They cant help it Roger, they dont read books so they have to create their own tall tales. I think they may be working on a collection of NA mythology

Richard Rush said...

Hey Roger if they don't pick up my trash, can I put a couple of bags in the dumpster at Richo's?

Tim Deatrick said...

hey maybe the unemployed drainage dept. workers can come pick up your garbage

Iamhoosier said...

And please take a picture so we can have proof.

Tim Deatrick said...

well according to the gospel of somebody said so, I mean solna poster $$$$$$$$$$ drainage dept. is unemployed Jan. 1st, so i figure we might as well help them find another job before the holiday rush

The New Albanian said...

Richard, Wal-Mart has bigger dumpsters. They're located right behind the tent city that houses Wally World's overnight immigrant cleaning crews.

Tim Deatrick said...

maybe solna would like to start a garbage service since they talk a lot of trash