In today’s Courier-Journal, reporter Ben Zion Hershberg transcribes gag lines straight from the GFNA (Gang of Four News Agency) rumor wire, via city councilman Larry Kochert’s mobile communications center:
New Albany contract not signed; Councilmen worried about trash pickup.
Several members of the New Albany City Council fear garbage collection could be disrupted next week because Mayor James Garner hasn't completed a contract with the company that is supposed to take over by Tuesday.
Of course, both the mayor and Eco-Tech’s representative are eventually quoted to the effect that “garbage collection will happen on Tuesday morning,” but utilizing a reporter to deliver non-newsworthy reassurances is not why Slippery Larry disseminates strategic leaks the same way your dog prances happily around the back yard, and is abetted in this territorial imperative by the usual hopping mad suspects, i.e., our Siamese Councilmen Dan Coffey and Steve Price, with subdued backing vocals by token council Republican Mark Seabrook.
NA Confidential would have preferred a stiff jolt of espresso to gentler hot tea, but we’ve opted for the latter in order to read the leaves, and consequently, we’ll venture a prediction that this latest furor will turn out to be little more than Chapter 56 of the continuing saga, “Much Ado About Nothing: The Obstructionist’s Monologue,” and that the sanitation contract will be signed, garbage will be collected, and that the majority of New Albanians who do not waste their lives embracing the world according to SOLNA (conspiratorial triteness, badly written by the perpetually masked, for the benefit of the scant half-dozen) will be unaware of the changeover.
Might we trouble the Courier for a dollop of real news?