You'll be tested: GREEN MOUSE presents NAWBANY WEEK IN REVIEW for 6 March 2020.

Here's the thing about jokes: it helps when they're actually funny.

But enough about Uncle Joe. In fact, the two most popular posts of the week were about politics. In the top slot was a fond goodbye to Pete Buttigieg.

Good riddance, Mayor Pete. Let's celebrate with Buttigieg's high school essay praising Bernie Sanders.

Of course Super Tuesday proved to be a cinematic train wreck called "The DNC Dim-pire Strikes Back," and seeing as I don't much care for dystopian epics in fiction because they seldom compare to reality, I was compelled to seek solace in liquid form.

We can depend on the DemoDisneyDixiecratic Party establishment, because it ALWAYS lets us down -- both near and far, and speaking of closer to my home, it's only March and already Squire Adam has egg dripping from his face.

Madam, I'm Adam: Local Dem's latest revolving door candidate for District 72 House makes the news.

Perhaps this is an opportune juncture to remind readers that counterpoint is welcome at NAC. No anonymous submissions, please. I'll publish your viewpoint straight up, without commentary of my own. Leave the memes behind, and let's chat.

Meanwhile Mayor Jeff Gahan had a productive week. We looked on reprovingly as Deaf went shopping for state of the art, water-closet-powered timekeeping technology ...

ROGER'S DIARY OF THE END TIMES: Nawbany is losing the Toilet Race to the Japanese.

  ... then found himself in the uncharacteristically supine posture of keeping his boastfulness tethered in the lordly presence of Dr. Tom.

COVID 19, HIZZONER 1: If Gahan’s willing to meet with COUNTY officials, the pandemic panic’s already started.

This week's column was about high school daze.

ON THE AVENUES: I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling.

I'd already selected the title (a Joy Division lyric), then found myself enduring yet another flashback from the 1970s -- although this one's from chorale, and thus actually a pleasant memory.

Substitute the word "drink" for "pray," and you'll understand my current worshipful posture.

ROGER'S DIARY OF THE END TIMES: Nawbany is losing the Toilet Race to the Japanese.

As the hippie rock band once observed, we have all been here before.

Revisiting "Pissoirs for the People" -- or, will there be public restrooms in the new luxury Reisz complex, and if so, how much will Team Gahan charge us to use them?

New Albany's new $15 million city hall, which is taking far longer to complete than expected, is a genuine sign of the end times before we even begin to consider Jeff Gahan's gold-plated fixtures.

One thing's for sure: Deaf might be okay with losing the toilet race to some confusing Asian country of which he's blissfully unaware, BUT THAT HORRID POSEUR MIKE MOORE IS ANOTHER STORY ENTIRELY.

We can only hope the shipment of superior Japanese toilet technology eludes the coronavirus cordon.

Why America Is Losing The Toilet Race

I just got back from my first trip to Japan, and I'm now in love with the country. The ramen, yakitori and sushi. The gorgeous volcanoes. The fascinating people and culture. But of all the things I fell in love with, there's one that I can't stop thinking about: the toilets.

Japanese toilets are marvels of technological innovation. They have integrated bidets, which squirt water to clean your private parts. They have dryers and heated seats. They use water efficiently, clean themselves and deodorize the air, so bathrooms actually smell good. They have white noise machines, so you can fill your stall with the sound of rain for relaxation and privacy. Some even have built-in night lights and music players. It's all customizable and controlled by electronic buttons on a panel next to your seat.

Raw sewage railway scandal at The Brexit Roadhouse. But what does Nigel Farage think?

In order to properly introduce today's link to The Guardian, kindly allow me to rewind 32 years.

30 years ago today: (May 1987) Sarajevo, Mostar and what came after.

... I was headed for the coast on Friday, and Mostar was the next stop, three hours by train from Sarajevo. It was during this ride that Yugoslavia's mountains became a tangible, visceral presence.

One of my memories of this trip was a long period when the train stopped and sat, apparently waiting for another train coming in our direction to pass over a stretch of single track. Here's the view from my window.

I was in the compartment nearest the toilet, which in the typical European fashion of the time usually involved a foot pedal and trap door which deposited one's leavings onto the track.

However, some Yugoslav trains didn't have a commode, just a hole in the floor. Mine was one of them. It remains difficult for me to imagine squatting on a moving train, and perhaps this is why, with yet another contingent of soldiers on the train, as we sat stock still atop the high mountain pass for an hour, they marched one by one to the WC, and ...

I was very glad when the train started moving again.

That's correct. You depressed the mechanical foot pedal, the hinged door swung down, and the tracks could be seen flying past. Theoretically there was a water line attached to ease gravity's task, but not always.

From defunct Yugoslavia we skip forward to debatably "United" Kingdom of today, where I'm genuinely surprised to learn that rolling stock this old remains in use. After all, it's been a while since I greeted the right-of-way void on the continent while using the loo on a moving train.

Train firms backtrack over pledge to ban raw sewage on railway lines, by Gwyn Topham (The Guardian/The Observer)

Operators admit target to end ‘disgusting practice’ by the end of the year will not be met

A pledge to end the dumping of human waste on railway tracks in England and Wales by the end of the year will no longer be met, Network Rail and train firms have admitted.

Although Network Rail’s former chief executive, Mark Carne, said in 2017 he had secured government agreement to end the “disgusting practice” by 2019, several companies will continue to use trains whose toilets flush directly onto the track.

In 2017 the Department for Transport had said all franchises would compel firms to ensure trains had modern toilets, but several operators have now applied for exemptions. Labour said it was “totally unacceptable that railway workers continue to endure such unsanitary conditions in the 21st century” ...