Michele Bachmann: "A religious zealot whose brain is a raging electrical storm of divine visions and paranoid delusions."

After reading this article by Rolling Stone's masterful Matt Taibbi, I finally realized that Michele Bachmann has never been a member of the New Albany - Floyd County School Board.

Or has she?

Geez, it's getting really hard to tell the nutjobs without a scorecard. Could it be that New Albany's wonderfully delightful Open Air Museum of Ignorance, Superstition and Backwardness finally has gone national?

By the way, how'd you like that ice-cold Budweiser "down by the riverside" this weekend?

Michele Bachmann's Holy War, by Matt Taibbi (Rolling Stone)

... In modern American politics, being the right kind of ignorant and entertainingly crazy is like having a big right hand in boxing; you've always got a puncher's chance. And Bachmann is exactly the right kind of completely batshit crazy. Not medically crazy, not talking-to-herself-on-the-subway crazy, but grandiose crazy, late-stage Kim Jong-Il crazy — crazy in the sense that she's living completely inside her own mind, frenetically pacing the hallways of a vast sand castle she's built in there, unable to meaningfully communicate with the human beings on the other side of the moat, who are all presumed to be enemies.

Speaking of statements of moral authority....

Check out James Kelso in late 1800s New Albany, via Lawrence Lipin's Burying the "Destroyer of One Happy Home" again:

Politics: Wiseheart is Republican, will ditch school board, challenge Sipes, emulate Sarah Palin.

The Tribune's web site makes no mention of a staffer for an article that's primarily a press release, anyway.

Wiseheart throws name in for Indiana Senate seat

“I really feel like this is a path that God has opened doors in areas [for me], and we can see where this is a calling for me in this time in our life,” Wiseheart said with her husband, Jim, and her friend and fellow board member, Rebecca Gardenour, sitting by her side.

At least we know who the next female mayoral candidate will be.

Meanwhile, I was following a golf cart down Main Street when a seemingly empty Chick-Fil-A bag tumbled off the back. Stopping to snag it and dispose of properly, I found these ketchup-smeared, Wiseheart for Senate platform notes protruding from it:

Jobs: Taking a cue from those nice, clean, private religious schools where God is still openly worshipped, all employed Hoosiers should wear uniforms. That way, it’s easier for us to spot the ones too lazy to work.

Education: In the interest of nickels and dimes, we must close Silver Street Elementary immediately so my previous board doesn’t have to refund that pricy consultant’s money.

Sports: No more high school stadiums to be named after terminally ill coaches, especially if they're alive to acknowledge the tribute.

Environment: Return Linden Meadows to the overgrown and abandoned condition it was in before those uppity people wanted to house poor people there inside all those stupid old houses.

Taxes: As a fiscally responsible licensed insurance appraiser, I will work nights and weekends to personally establish the correct property tax rate on your house so that we can better continue starving local government of revenue and drown city hall in its own bathtub.

That was satire. S-A-T-I-R-E.

For the candidate's real web site, go here.

Okay, here: Team Wiseheart. Really.