ON THE AVENUES: On patience, grieving, puzzles and a necessary sabbatical.

How poor are they that have not patience!
What wound did ever heal but by degrees?
Thou know'st we work by wit, and not by witchcraft;
And wit depends on dilatory time.

-- Iago, in William Shakespeare's Othello

I seldom pay attention to inspirational platitudes, seeing as the vast majority are rubbish, but if there's any single one I can embrace, it's this: "Be patient and trust the process."

Recently when I confided this sentiment on social media, some readers interpreted “the process” as something tainted by the political, and an evil to which I was surrendering: Roger, the process is a nasty tyrannical burden emanating from the communist/fascist enemy, with “we the people” as pathetic victims, and so of course we must resist!

(Note the proper use of an exclamation mark.)

Phooey.

This is not my intent.

To me “the process” summarizes time-honored best practices as they pertain to who we are and what we do in our daily lives. It’s a Zen phenomenon, at least for me. Our lives are short, and they won’t get any longer by coming and going in a heated rush. Develop your process and trust it. Avoid sugar highs and shortcuts; rather, build for what lasts.

In turn, this leads to a second useful tactic: "Stop dumbing down; start smartening up."

Obviously plenty of people have become rich and famous by trading in low common denominators, and to such a pervasive extent that blithering idiocy 24-7-365 is the norm in L’America.

However, because intelligence has been rendered a battered and under-valued attribute, it is precisely the one I’m delighted to espouse, both as a perennial contrarian and from the common sense perspective that best practices and lasting values cannot be accrued from the short-term whims of pure escapist dipshittedness.

There is one more: "Don't just do something -- stand there."

Yes, it is undeniable that occasions regularly arise when fast, direct action is needed. However when short attention spans borne of spasmodic, kaleidoscopic knee-jerking become institutionalized, the steady progress of the long haul falls victim to ephemeral expedients, which usually aren’t necessary and too often are plainly harmful.

There’s a kicker to all this, of course. One must be in a position to have sufficient opportunities for self-improvement, which the hypocritical American robber baron capitalist system regularly denies significant portions of the populace. Without equality of opportunity, my musings are null and void, and I know it.

What’s more, even in the best possible scenario, the individual must possess the self-confidence to excel, which usually requires the steady reinforcement of patience and fortitude if the goal is to ensure lasting achievement.

Speaking only for myself, as a white male afforded every conceivable opportunity, self-confidence still can be sorely lacking. What I do possess of it was gained over a long period of time by incremental steps, always seeking to smarten up, generally refusing to dumb down, playing those contrarian percentages, carving out niches, developing a better work ethic, and embracing the art of the obtuse.

But hey -- whatever works for you. I’m just the village iconoclast. In fact, the missus says my best and worst qualities are exactly the same: patience, stubbornness and an enduring refusal to tolerate fools.

There is nowhere to hide when your wife is a social worker, and surely her analysis is correct.

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All this being said, my 2020 is going to be about important decisions; not the overcooked folderol of the presidential election, but whether I’m willing to concede defeat here in Nawbany and admit I'm licked -- and no, this has nothing whatever to do with politics.

Contrary to legend, which of course I’ve written and cultivated myself, it actually is possible for me on widely scattered occasions to acknowledge mistakes, cut bait and shift supply lines ever so cautiously, although only after I've played every last card and exhausted all avenues of potential redress.

Here's the problem: What do you do when nothing can be done?

That's the question, and if I had an easy answer, I'd inform you and start pursuing it. I’m disappointed and frustrated, and it’s going to take a clear and orderly process to deal with these emotions.

Allow me to vigorously stress that anger or bitterness isn't any part of it, just an ongoing inability to compel the pieces of various puzzles to fit into place. I can see the pieces, and fathom the broad contours, but I can't get them together. Can these puzzles ever be completed to my satisfaction? That's another good question without a glib response.

If I’m to be completely honest, my mood during the past two weeks already has provided ample clues to the source of the friction, because my subconscious evidently decided unilaterally that year’s end in 2019 was the ideal time for me to indulge in some serious grieving on the general theme of endings -- not in the sense of deaths, illnesses, breakups or any other real-world crises, but the “just learn to deal with it” decommissioning of ideas, expectations, hopes and dreams resting inside my own damn head.

These modalities likely won't come to pass. They have proven obsolete or impossible, and as such must be contextualized, filed away and put to rest. If I'm to finish grieving, this is exactly what must happen. Verily, it will be tough to accept realities I've fought so long and hard to change, but largely failed to wrestle to the ground.

Perhaps I’m making progress with acceptance, because as 2020 dawns, there is considerable optimism.

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In an unrelated note …

For a very long time I’ve been threatening to alter my terms of engagement and involvement with local affairs. Admittedly, these previous resolutions have been miserable failures. As with the fictional mobster Michael Corleone, just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in.

More accurately, I willfully pull myself back in, but not this time.

After 15 years, it’s time for a real sabbatical, at least six months to start and then with various options for renewal. True, I’ll never cease commenting entirely about the Chronicles of New Gahania, primarily because I’m far too opinionated to achieve total abstinence -- and besides, you’re entitled to my opinion.

However, taking into consideration the incredible diversity of the world beyond the city limits of this small burg, there are other ways to use creative time at my disposal than continue out-performing the News and Tribune on a pro bono basis.

Let’s be blunt. As currently constituted the newspaper isn’t going to improve, not ever. New Albany’s incumbent ruling class luminaries and prevailing social elites aren’t going to become more open and inclusive, either. The newspaper’s ownership would have to change, the politicians be voted out, and the self-anointed beautiful people compelled to ingest a few doses of long overdue humility.

It’s never completely hopeless, but the immediate future looks challenging, and as I’ve noted oft times before, a new generation must step forward and relegate the likes of me to smaller, supporting, character-driven roles.

In fact they are. As I write, they’re stepping up. Accordingly I’m eager to do what I can to help them, and hope yet to someday giddily toast their success in achieving what I could not.

In the meantime, for me 2020 will be dedicated to scraping barnacles from the hull in preparation for my next (and in all actuarial likelihood, final) quarter-century on Planet Earth. This means catching up on long-deferred projects, taming several paperwork jungles, and earning a few dollars more with my writing.

Accordingly, the NA Confidential blog is being scaled back. Writing for pay as I'm doing now takes time, and the blogging quota will fall to two posts per day, down from four in 2017. If a news item takes more than 20 minutes to write and format, it won't be posted. I'll be riffing off the rising generation of dissidents, and doing longer-form commentary less often. I no longer have 25 hours a week to devote to research.

I won’t be attending many meetings apart from the first city council soiree in January. I need to witness those 1st and 5th district council seats, with fresh new faces seated in them, in order to revive my waning interest in residing here.

Those of us working and living downtown have a year to prepare for the existential micro-crisis of a lifetime, namely Sherman Minton bridge repairs. Pardon the scatology, but we’ll have to get our shit together -- and I’m not convinced we’ll manage.

However as I move into the final reel, it is absolutely clear to me that those persons best placed to make it through the coming madness will be ones who exercise patience, trust their processes, reject dumbing down, embrace smartening up, and avoid doing something rash, all because they have the foresight to stand there and think about it before pushing any buttons.

Good luck to you all, and let me know if you need anything. I’ll happily consult for a beer or two, and this column isn’t going anywhere. You’re going to rock this. See you in July.

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Recent columns:

December 26: ON THE AVENUES: Four more years? Heaven help us all, but there are five reasons to be optimistic.

December 21: ON THE AVENUES HOLIDAY SPECIAL: Truth, lies, music, and a trick of the Christmas tale (2019 Remix).

December 19: ON THE AVENUES: These parents oppose their children's exposure to the PURE Initiative as part of the NA-FC Schools curriculum. Here's why.

December 12: ON THE AVENUES: He who fights and runs away will live to fight another day.

ON THE AVENUES: Four more years? Heaven help us all, but there are five reasons to be optimistic.

“The only thing you learn from history is that no one learns anything from history.”
-- Otto von Habsburg

There was a time in the late 1980s, only the briefest of moments after Raygun had gone out to pasture, as Bush the Elder became heir to the nuclear code, when it still seemed as if Madonna wasn’t calculating and cynical ALL the time.

Don’t get me wrong; I’ve always greatly admired and fully appreciated the Material Girl exactly for who she is, a savvy musician and performance artist with an amazing head for business.

But even as late as 1989 Ms. Ciccone could toss out a bouncy ditty like "Cherish" and you’d pause for a moment, smile and think: “Wow, what a sweet chorus, and it really hasn’t been that long since 'Borderline', has it?”

Speaking of defining lines in the dross, since the conclusion of the municipal election cycle in 2019 my love (for Nawbany) has been pushed over the borderline, clearing the top of the guardrail, and come to rest at the bottom of a shambolic sinkhole once used as latrine and landfill by immigrant Gahans arriving here on the Mayflower.

Or was it the Titanic?

But that’s all right with me, because my innate stubbornness eliminates the possibility that these kingpin nitwits will ever govern MY head space. Rather than dwell on the dipshittsian dysfunctionals, let’s see if there is a case to be made for this municipal glass being half-full with our delicious Pilsner Urquell, rather than half depleted of their Bud Light Mang-o-Rita pet shampoo.

Because I promised ... here are FIVE POSITIVE TAKEWAYS FROM THE NOVEMBER 5 ELECTION.

5b. City council addition by subtraction.

David Barksdale (at-large) wagered it all on the luxury Reisz Mahal, eagerly abetting Dear Leader’s megalomania but annoying one too many Republicans in the process. Thus hemorrhaging credibility, the votes he lost from his own tribe cost Nanny Barksdale his bid for re-election.

Credit Gahan for divining Barksdale’s buildings-not-people Achilles heel and smacking it constantly with a baseball bat, then pushing the dazed ex-councilman aside to congratulate the candidate, pretend-Democrat Jason Applegate (see below), who beat him.

Maybe someday people will see Gahan for who and what he really is, but until then, it’s #HisNA business as usual.

However … counter-intuitively, Barksdale’s fall might actually make the anti-Gahan resistance stronger by removing its weakest link, while at the same time freeing Barksdale to return to the unelected sector, where he can do better works for the city than merely roll over and play dead for the pay-to-play Democratic vandals.

5a. On January 1, 2020 the city of New Albany will be rendered utterly decaffeinated.

Dan “Councilman Cappuccino” Coffey has retired from his council seat after two decades representing the 1st district, otherwise known as Westendia. Previously we have thanked Coffey in perfect seriousness for his long years of service, and irrespective of one’s “side” when analyzing his legacy, it cannot be disputed that Coffey has joyfully played the role of Freud’s id on council for all these years. His absence removes the scream from the body's primal. Maybe Pat McLaughlin can pick up the slack.

On second thought ... no, that's highly unlikely.

4. Coffey’s successor will not be a Dickeyite pushover.

The 1st district race in 2019 pitted woman against woman. Has this ever happened before? Both were excellent candidates, but only one could win, and Jennie Collier (D) did. The Green Mouse says Collier is no friend of the mayor’s, and is likely not to be the rubber stamp Gahan demands his sycophants abase themselves to be, that she’ll think for herself and perform more as an independent than a boot-licking lackey of McLaughlin’s caliber.

If so, a cooperative bloc of Collier, three Republicans (Al Knable and David Aebersold, both at-large, and newly elected 5th district councilman Joshua Turner) and independent 6th district incumbent Scott Blair could thwart the more egregious of Gahan’s harebrained schemes.

3. Joshua (JT) Turner won in the 5th district.

Not only is this an automatic energy boost of epic proportions, particularly compared with Turner’s somnolent apparatchik of a predecessor, but it bodes well for the future of the district. Once solidly Republican, the 5th has gone Democratic in recent years, although the races have been very close.

Team Gahan’s effort to buy the 5th with its Colonial Manor fix-is-in plan miserably failed, exposing the mayor’s comprehensively clothes-less attire, and Turner flipped it. Meanwhile the junta will find a way to reward loyal servant Matt Nash with a few farthings more, and all will again be well in papa Warren’s interior world of ethics-free cajoling.

Turner is going to be a hard-working, open-minded public servant. Keep your eyes on him.

2. Let us join together in Extol.

Newly elected at-large councilman Jason Applegate somehow passed through an entire municipal election cycle, occupying a whole calendar year, without ever once being questioned by even the first self-satisfied, card-carrying progressive member of the League of the Beautiful People about the word “conservative” appearing as his political identity at his Facebook page.

Thousands of times they pilloried those nasty conservatives, and every single day Applegate hid in plain sight by describing himself as one. The woebegone Buttigieg Belt never noticed -- well, they noticed but chose not to.

So yes, we all know that Applegate has been a Republican his entire life until encouraged to run for office (Q: Which office? A: Who cares?) and it’s equally obvious that he has attached himself to Jeff Gahan’s perfumed hip more slavishly than Terry Middleton, almost certainly because Big Daddy needs an economy-sized heir apparent.

We all grasp the unexplained switcheroo respectability thus afforded the chosen at-large "Democrat" … but maybe, just maybe, the “conservative” moniker acts like a guilty conscience to lead him on widely scattered occasions to push back against Gahan’s ruinous indebtedness and mind-boggling expenditures, or to at long last contemplate that cooperation with David Duggins’ “blessings in a backpack” approach to NAHA administration is tantamount to loading residents onto cattle cars headed for Greenville -- as well as being an unmitigated crock of shit.

1. New council blood means a different balance of personalities.

In the final analysis, a juggling of chemistry is the most important outcome of the 2019 municipal election. Apart from council’s three intellectually exhausted returning Democrats, now purged of all pride, idealism and brain-matter to function as grim power-brokers for the oligarchs (Bob Caesar, McLaughlin and Greg Phipps, henceforth to be known here as the CMP, or “consent management platform”), there is at least a possibility of the body being a genuine mechanism of checks and balances, with legislative creativity thrown into the mix.

Actions resembling this description won’t emanate from the kept Democrats, who are kept on a tight leash by Squire Adam. However, if that bloc of five bipartisan council members arises, it might yet be interesting.

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Did you hear the one about Gahan phoning McLaughlin at 2:00 a.m.? According to the Green Mouse, here’s how the councilman answered the call.

Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels like home

When you call my name it's like a little prayer
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel your power
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there

I hear your voice, it's like an angel sighing
I have no choice, I hear your voice
Feels like flying
I close my eyes, Oh God I think I'm falling
Out of the sky, I close my eyes
Heaven help me

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Recent columns:

December 21: ON THE AVENUES HOLIDAY SPECIAL: Truth, lies, music, and a trick of the Christmas tale (2019 Remix).

December 19: ON THE AVENUES: These parents oppose their children's exposure to the PURE Initiative as part of the NA-FC Schools curriculum. Here's why.

December 12: ON THE AVENUES: He who fights and runs away will live to fight another day.

December 5: ON THE AVENUES: Ladislav's language, 1989 - 1990 (Part 2).

November 28: ON THE AVENUES: Ladislav's language, 1989 - 1990 (Part 1).

Here are Nick's New Albany election predictions at The Aggregate.

Over at The Aggregate, Nick Vaughn has registered his New Albany Election Predictions. So far NA Confidential has issued endorsements (below), but not predictions as such.

I'll be getting around to those during the next few weeks.

New Albany Election Predictions

With the immense amount of nationally focused articles running in and around Southern Indiana, I felt that it was important to provide some more locally focused analysis of the upcoming municipal elections in New Albany.

The predictions outlined here are just that and can be taken however you'd like them to be. While no empirical data was used in determining these predictions, my experience in local politics, friendships with candidates and voters, and my gut feeling, were used to make these predictions.

These predictions will be categorized in the following ways: 1. Toss-up, meaning the race is a dead heat and could go either way, 2. Leans Republican, Democratic, or Independent, meaning the race leans between 2-4% points in one directions, and 3. Solidly Republican, Democratic, or Independent, meaning the race is 5% points or higher leaning in one direction.

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NAC Endorsement Compendium:

• Vote Stefanie Griffith for New Albany City Council District 1.
• Vote Scott Stewart for New Albany City Council District 2.
• Vote for Thunder the Wonder Ferret as a write-in for New Albany City Council District 3.
• Vote Cisa Kubley for New Albany City Council District 4.
• Vote Josh "JT" Turner for New Albany City Council District 5.
• Vote Scott Blair for New Albany City Council District 6.
• Vote Al Knable and Christina Estill for New Albany City Council At-Large.
• Vote your conscience for New Albany City Clerk, as both candidates are excellent.
• ON THE AVENUES: Socialists for Seabrook, because we desperately need a new beginning in New Albany.

Tonight's council action: R-19-08 Resolution in Support of Maintaining Access during Sherman Minton Bridge Renewal Project.

Courtesy of Al Knable.

I haven't been to a city council meeting in a while, primarily because previous experience has taught us that when elections draw near, the body's politicization reaches a fever pitch -- as it has with the fireworks ordinance hijinks and Payhan's veto.

However, there's a resolution on tap this evening that might prove to be genuinely useful, albeit non-binding.

R-19-08 Resolution in Support of Maintaining Access during Sherman Minton Bridge Renewal Project

It's always nice to see David Barksdale climbing down from the Reisz Mahal scaffolding to consider measures that pertain to human beings, as opposed to cornices.

At-large councilman Al Knable explained on Facebook.

I wrote this resolution and am presenting it for debate and hopeful approval at council’s September 5 meeting; 7:00 p.m. in the third floor assembly room of the City-County building (highlighted areas only show recent edits, not of greater or lesser importance). Resolutions are non-binding but I believe it’s imperative that we voice collectively to INDOT that this project, while necessary, will have major impacts upon our citizenry and economy. If you’d like to be heard on the matter I encourage you to come and opine- you’ll need to sign up prior to the meeting’s start.

Council Democrats have been instructed by their party "leader" Tricky Dickey to obstruct anything that comes to them from Republicans. The vote on this resolution should be unanimous in favor.

Will it be?

Alternative Politics: "What if David White had run as an Independent instead of in the Democratic Primary?"

Nick Vaughn indulges in a harmless bit of alternative history. Meanwhile, here at Resistance Central, we can't help speculating about what might have been in a different place and time.

If Mark Seabrook had mounted a mayoral campaign in 2011, wouldn't Jeff Gahan be a forgotten former councilman by now?

And as a bonus, the city would be solvent. The mind reels.

Before we return you to inspiring views of the Market Street Beautification that the Descendent of Benito Mussolini Built, read Nick's thoughtful analysis.

Alternative Politics: New Albany’s Mayoral Race

Instead of tackling a big question with many moving parts, I am going to tackle a smaller question and look at the 2019 New Albany Mayoral Race. The question: What if David White had run as an Independent instead of in the Democratic Primary? The answer: well, it depends. One thing that makes alternative politics a little bit easier to analyze is because we have numbers and data to look at.

While there are most certainly intangibles behind each and every vote, for argument’s sake I will be ignoring that and just looking strictly at the numbers. I’ll also throw in some of my own analysis and opinion to make the answer to the question a bit more interesting.

A message to the candidates in the 2019 New Albany municipal election.

My good friend Mark Cassidy made this comment at yesterday's post.

Slick Jeffie knows how to slow the cars, but he won't. Maybe Mark Seabrook will take action where the Democrats have failed.

I know it may be a bit early but getting a bit nervous about the existence of any detailed plans by the city Republicans. After 8 years, we know the city Democrat’s plans: 1. Kick as many poor people out of the city as possible by destroying half the housing. 2. Rake in as much political contributions from outsiders who do business with the city. 3. Plaster Gahan’s name and image everywhere possible. 4. Totally ignore anyone who doesn’t drink the Kool-Aid even though they are citizens of New Albany.

He brings up a very good point, one I intend to address as time permits. I’ve consistently made an argument that goes something like this:

Anyone But Gahan in 2019. 

There’s an irrefutable degree of truth to the conclusion than we'd rather vote for an empty can of light beer or s used prophylactic than the incumbent, but it’s not fair to Mark Seabrook or Dan Coffey to deploy reasoning like this when casting a ballot.

(Of course, as someone who has run for mayor as an Independent, I’m highly qualified to add this: Coffey is a longshot, to put it mildly. However, he deserves a balanced assessment, and he’ll get it.)

And so, back to Mark Seabrook's candidacy. I’ve been joking about “Socialists for Seabrook,” and the funniest part about my doing so is that I’m not joking at all.

In fact, I’m perfectly serious.

However, the Republicans first must make their case and discuss alternatives to Gahan’s cult-of-personality-meets-pay-for play morass of government by cash-engorged clique, both as outlined by Mark C., but also addressing matters like the street grid (walkability, biking, mobility solutions), plans for coping during Sherman Minton Bridge work, economic development v.v. independent small business, reforestation, homelessness, drugs, and the like.

I want Gahan gone more than most. His reign has been appalling. The trials for corruption should begin the moment he’s deposed.

But I’ve been doing this bloggy thing for way too long to offer endorsements sans content. I’m listening – to Seabrook, to the GOP’s city council candidates and even to those rare Democrats willing to break their hideous mutant party chairman’s authoritarian embargo on basic human communications and step forward with ideas and discourse, as opposed to Dickey’s and Gahan’s bling and blindfolds.

(You too, Jason. Just tell Adam to grow a pair and stop censoring me on social media.)

Republicans, give me something to work with, because four more years of the governing clique isn't about to feed the bullfrog, is it?

At The Aggregate: "A Quaint Discussion with New Albany City Councilman Al Knable."

Michael and Nick from The Aggregate sat down with at-large councilman Al Knable for an entertaining and informative chat about all things NA. It's an hour in length.

A Quaint Discussion with New Albany City Councilman Al Knable

I'm having trouble imagining His Highness the incumbent relenting to an unscripted interview in like fashion, although Jeff Gahan's past record suggests that he's always willing to "take the test" just so long as the answers (or in this case, questions) are provided to him in advance.

Introducing MOVING FORWARD, a new op-ed column by Randy Smith.

I've long admired Randy Smith's writing, and consequently it is a great pleasure to publish his new op-ed column here at NA Confidential. We'll get to a publication schedule in time. For now, kindly allow Randy to provide an overview of what's to come. 

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I want to thank my friend Roger Baylor for his work over the past 15 years in making NA Confidential the most reliable source of news, analysis, research, and opinion. Though his readership only numbers in the low thousands, that still towers over the New Albany circulation figures of the Jeffersonville newspaper. I still don’t understand why Roger doesn’t accept advertising.

For more than a century, New Albany had a newspaper. The Jeffersonville paper, owned by a pension fund in Alabama, pays rent for an office here, but if one wants honest coverage of local government, NA Confidential is pretty much the only remaining source for consistent reporting and analysis.

As for me, I’m a daily reader of NA Confidential. Over the last eight years, I’ve reduced my public participation in civic affairs to a whisper. But that does not mean that I have lost interest. I remain engaged and (mostly) silent.

NA Confidential allows me to stay engaged.

As we enter the stretch run of 2019’s municipal elections, I find myself seeking candidates who can bring about a better New Albany. I’m a Democrat for life (DFL?), but when it comes to New Albany politics and policy, I’m the ultimate pragmatist.

As it stands, I can’t bring myself to vote for any of the incumbents, least of all the incumbent Democrats. And yet, I yearn for a city led by Democrats who deserve to carry the party banner.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I have not ruled out running for public office this year or in the future. Obviously, I am ineligible to run under a party label. But unless and until I make that decision, I’ve decided to lay out a few very specific legislative and/or executive actions that I would like to see put into effect.

Over the coming weeks, I will be submitting long-form policy proposals that constitute my own limited platform. Where possible, I will endorse and vote for candidates who can show an understanding of and a basic support for these specific proposals.

There was a time that I felt I could influence as many as 200 voters. By retreating from the arena, I have surrendered that influence. Nonetheless, I am a voter. At the least, I have one vote and this voter would like to see candidates who can and will respond to my proposals.

There was a time when a mayor and some members of the city council were responsive to things like this. Personally, I lament the loss of these leaders. For example, John Gonder, a former member of the council, was the first to propose a city-led revitalization of the Colonial Manor shopping center. Gonder and former council member Jack Messer proposed a rational program to create a city-only administrative center that would have cost this city far less than the abomination that Roger calls the Reisz Mahal.

I chose to live here in New Albany. I was not born here. I did not graduate from high school here. It can be theorized that New Albany’s future is dependent on people like me who choose to live here, for if people like me don’t choose to live and work here, our prospects are limited. Indiana stands out as one of the states where the highest percentage of people living here were born here. That’s not a plus.

For the first eight years living here, I was the ultimate optimist, the most vigorous of promoters for New Albany and its potential. At this point, my business (15 years here) qualifies as one of the oldest downtown businesses. That, in itself, is a terrible indicator.

Mayor Gahan has done great damage to New Albany. Having been advised by a man known as the worst mayor in New Albany’s 203-year history, he has climbed to the pinnacle and taken that title as his own. As November approaches, he seeks a third term. That is almost unprecedented. I am certain that Gahan would reject every single one of the proposals you will read over the next several weeks. Accordingly, you will reasonably expect that I will not be endorsing nor voting for Gahan this year.

Again, I want to thank Roger Baylor and the editors of NA Confidential for accepting these modest (but serious) proposals as op-eds. I look forward to any feedback. Roger will decide the publication schedule, of course, but I invite any of the nominated candidates to contact me if they would like to hear more about these proposals as the campaign for city office continues. I would like nothing more than to see candidates adopt these proposals and commit to a progressive future for the city I’ve chosen to live in and invest in.

ON THE AVENUES: Where do we go from here?

I’m …

“Chicago is an edgy avant-garde fusion rock band”

… old, and this song from 1970 perfectly encapsulates my mood in the down-buzz aftermath of last Tuesday’s primary election.

You’d be forgiven for assuming that keyboardist Robert Lamm wrote it. He was the band’s most prolific composer during the early years, and served as mouthpiece for a decidedly left-wing political conscience that faded later as the hits came fast and furious.

Actually “Where Do We Go From Here?” was the first song ever penned by bassist Peter Cetera, later to become a middle-of-the-road love-song-emoting pop star. The horns are absent. In it, Cetera surveys the socio-political landscape in America at the time and emerges hopeful, if puzzled.

That’s understandable. The Summer of Love had passed through Woodstock in route to a big crash at Altamont; now Richard Nixon was on top, the crew-cut adults were keen to crack the whip on a counter-culture that itself was becoming ever more disillusioned. Moreover, Vietnam remained an 800-lb gorilla.

Here’s the pivot: Where do we go here in Nawbany, circa 2019?

Deaf Gahan’s hefty wallet was enough to defeat David White, and the incumbent is the DemoDisneyDixiecratic nominee for mayor despite hemorrhaging 15% of his 2015 primary vote total, something other analysts seem determined to ignore.

Wait -- we have other analysts apart from NA Confidential?

According the usual suspects it was a quasi-Biblical outcome, with Hitching Post fried chicken and loaded Rice Krispies Treats standing in for fish fingers and loaves. The Kool-Aid flowed like wine, or at least it cascaded in the fashion of storm water obeying the laws of gravity from the heavenly heights of the Summit Springs chain-think strip mine.

One Gahan functionary, evidently disturbed by the imminent prospect of a job loss, happily took to Facebook to celebrate, crediting God herself for preserving pay-to-play patronage in our fair town.

It would have been the ideal occasion for a gospel choir "come-to-Duggins" moment, except that during Gahan’s 16-year career of mind-numbing mediocrity he’s done almost nothing to empower minority rights and advancement in this city.

“He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”?

Perhaps, but for now Deaf is most fond of “Disneyland Uber Alles.”

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Naturally it was disconcerting to watch as the misgoverning clique, their elite party hacks and various other engorged sycophants merrily pelted the opposition with Jorge Lanz’s ceaseless C-notes while thumbing their noses at the Election Board’s dignified request to behave at the polling places, prior to doubling down on the Bud Light Mang-O-Ritas.

However, as previously noted, the electoral math emerging from May 7 is looking quite solid for Republican challenger Mark Seabrook.

Most importantly, Gahan's intrinsic crookedness no longer can be doubted. He’s a con man, a bully and an addict, dependent on the campaign finance revenue stream from out-of-town contract seekers, and thus compelled to keep the Ponzi scheme alive with projects funded by cash infusions from wherever he can pocket them.

Soon Team Gahan will be “borrowing” money from eatery tip jars. Whatever. Your grandchildren can deal with it.

Precipice, meet Wile E. Gahan. Few of White's supporters will vote for Hizzoner. Some of them may sit out the general election, but most will opt for Seabrook. Combine the corrosive trends of two-term attrition with those 300 votes Gahan lost Tuesday, and Dear Leader’s autumn ceiling is looking like 3,000 votes at most -- and this doesn’t factor the chunk subtracted from the Democrats by Dan Coffey's probable independent candidacy.

(May 15 update: for a consideration of Coffey's potential impact as an independent candidate, go here and here)

Seabrook can win in November, and he might win convincingly. To be sure, Gahan will have $175,000 of pay-to-play money available for saturation sliming, and he'll be willing to spend every last cent of it to keep the gravy train rolling. All the same I believe a derailment is coming, so it’s straight to hell (or the Cayman Islands) for our malignant narcissist-in-chief.

Anchor Elvis soon will be leaving the building, because I have a feeling God will be siting out the general election.

---

My post-primary thoughts have been sober and reflective, as with Eric “Otter” Stratton’s prescient 1978 pronouncement.

I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.

Customarily this task falls to me, and yet I’m also mindful of Groucho Marx’s famous injunction.

"I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."

Short of Falling Run being renamed “The Rubicon,” there’s a camel somewhere in a full-body cast. This time the post-election housekeeping feels different to me, even transformational. Resolutions aplenty are in the offing, one in particular.

Granted, I’m always venting about an impending exit from the resistance treadmill, only to drag myself back into the maelstrom when the second-raters annoy me. Now something seems to have changed. If I can’t entirely disengage, how exactly to reformat the nature of engagement?

I’ve been asking myself lots of questions like this, leading to one central query: I’ll be 60 years of age in August of 2020, and accordingly, what can I see myself doing these next few years?

The top answer to emerge from this dialogue is what I cannot visualize myself doing, and that’s serving as 3rd district council person.

Consequently, Greg Phipps will be delighted to learn that he’s safe. I’m not seeking public office this year. What the future holds is anyone’s guess; after all, never say never. However, I’m saying “highly unlikely” -- and for the following reasons.

First and foremost, I’ve said all along that my candidacy was exploratory and depended on the well being of family and household. We’re doing fine, thank you, but we’re coming very quickly to a time of numerous decisions that will impact our future. Simply stated, the inhabitants of the 1117 East Spring Street Neighborhood Association, human and feline, come first.

I’d make a damned effective council person, and even if Phipps won this fall, I’d make him work far harder than he has before for the right to continue as a obedient rubber stamp for a soulless, agoraphobic mayor. In so many ways, one passive and the other manipulative, they’re perfectly matched politically. The real fun comes in imagining Phipps’ council performance to come, when outnumbered by Republicans, without the mayoral safety net.

I imagine he’d resign rather than face the challenge.

In addition, working with David White for the past 18 months has gifted me with valuable lessons. Love him or hate him, David’s conception of public service (his “people first” really wasn’t a slogan) and his commitment to the ideal of this service are admirable qualities, and as such I believe the Democrats sacrificed an opportunity last week when he lost.

Contrasting David’s service-oriented outlook with my own office-holding inclinations led to intense introspection. Is public service really what I want to do? Is this my preferred place in the cosmos?

Honestly, no. It isn’t. The sweetest spot of all for me in terms of dedication and intensity is the daily practice of writing, and in the art of the polemic in particular. It’s what makes me tick, and how I can best contribute.

Especially now, with the News and Tribune coming off its most vacantly inept performance in recent memory while pretending to “cover” a New Albany municipal election, NA Confidential has taken on greater importance as an alternative source of information.

The News and Tribune has proven definitively that it won’t be part of any conceivable solution, at least in Floyd County. This newspaper is dead to me, and I propose to treat it accordingly from this point forward.

It’s not pinin'! It’s passed on! This newspaper is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet its maker! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the floor it’d be pushing up the daisies! Its metabolic processes are now 'istory! It’s off the twig! It’s kicked the bucket, shuffled off the mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-NEWSPAPER!!

Finally, there’s the matter of my ongoing involvement with Pints&union, where Joe has been remarkably indulgent and supportive as I’ve followed my local political obsessions to their logical conclusion. We have a deal and I intend to honor my part of it by doing my utmost to help make Pints&union the success it deserves to be.

Coincidentally the demise of Bank Street Brewhouse has contributed mightily to my current frame of mind, as did attending the funeral of my friend Rick Lang last week. These whiffs of mortality conjure considerations of legacies, and they also prompt an assessment: How much is left in the tank? How many minutes are on the game clock? How best to direct my energies?

Where do I go from here?

To repeat: Home and Hearth ... Pints&union ... NA Confidential.

I’ll keep writing, agitating, clarifying and informing. I’ll keep these writing and publishing options open. I’ll continue to help as best I can as reporter, satirist and polemicist. I’ll follow my muse, and there's no backing away from the resistance, albeit not into another campaign for office.

But find me a way to live in Belgium, Estonia, Sicily or Western Massachusetts, and every single word I’ve written today goes right out the window.

As always, thanks for your support.

---

Recent columns:

May 6: ON THE AVENUES REWOUND: Ghosts within these stones, defiance in these bones (2018).

May 5: ON THE AVENUES REWOUND: Our great and noble leader soon will be going away, so let's break out the țuică and make a joyful noise.

May 3: horse-race-rehash-sadly.html">ON THE AVENUES HORSE RACE REHASH: Sadly, the Kentucky Derby no longer is decadent and depraved. It’s just another vacuous capitalist bait ‘n’ switch.

April 23: ON THE AVENUES: Gehenna, Franklin Graham, Jean-Paul Sartre and Fred Astaire lead us straight to Hell.

Former mayor James Garner endorses David White. Watch the video and read why this matters.

NA Confidential will turn 15 in a few months. When the blog was born in 2004, all I knew for sure was that you were entitled to my opinion. It's been a long and suitably strange journey since then, and the beatings will continue until morale improves.

Back in 1999 the city's voters broke with precedent and elected Regina Overton to be mayor. She was a she, she was Republican, and the city was suffering from overexposure to Doug England, who embarked on the standard ritualistic disappearance into the wilderness so as to plot his inevitable comeback.

Four years later in 2003 came the reaction in the form of a landslide that brought eight of nine council seats to the Democrats as well as placing James Garner in the mayor's office.

You'd think such a decisive majority would have afforded Garner a clear mandate, but council immediately split into factions, with lone Republican Mark Seabrook often in the position of offering wry and sensible commentary as Democrats fought Democrats to a standstill in the peanut gallery.

Four years of trench warfare ensued, and only in retrospect can it be seen that Garner became mayor at a time of social and political transition. It strikes me now as a generational turning point, one that wasn't very kind to his prospects.

The traditional Floyd County Democratic Party, primarily a right-leaning, ward-heeling machine symbolized by longtime county power-broker Ted Heavrin, was fading and its county strongholds eroding amid an influx of residents for whom conservative values were best suited by actual Republicans, not Republicans masquerading as Democrats.

In place of the Heavrinites a new generation of Clintonian liberals (or neo-liberals) was moving up, as perhaps best represented by then-chairman Randy Stumler, and a short time later Adam Dickey. The latter has put Disney into the Democrats while leaving Dixie right where it was, hence the DemoDisneyDixiecrats we see today. 

As Garner became mayor, these and many other social and political factors were queuing at a crossroads, and meanwhile New Albany as a city stood still, as though in shock. Downtown was dead and all the action was in the 'burbs, although given our city's proximity to Louisville, we probably were at rock bottom, property so profoundly undervalued as an asset that the only way to go was up.

Exactly what "up" meant was unclear, and I was critical of Garner in the beginning. Much of this criticism was borne of ignorance about the way governance works, and I've tried to learn from it. My attitude in 2004 was "don't just stand there, do something," and it seemed Garner wasn't. But after a little while it became apparent that Garner really was doing as much as he could with the tools he had at his disposal, all the while swatting away swarms of old party fogies and regressive council Luddites.

Two of Garner's achievements are very important.

First, Garner expended a good portion of his limited political capital against entrenched opposition and ensured the completion of the YMCA project he'd inherited from Overton.

Second, Garner embraced the Indiana alcohol licensing tool known as the Riverfront Development Area and got the measure through council (2006) via a rare unanimous vote.

Inexpensive three-way alcohol permits helped jump-start a restaurant and bar renaissance in New Albany, while the YMCA brought people downtown. Together, these measures were a catalyst for private investments in businesses and buildings, which in turn finally instigated a civic conversation about possibilities.

Garner also was an early proponent of two-way streets and measures we now refer to as "walkability," and as he notes in the endorsement video, he worked behind the scenes with David White for economic development and quality of life efforts later blithely claimed by others. 

Garner lost in the Democratic primary in 2007, England having returned from Outer Utica and rallied the Old Guard for a last hurrah. England Mach III proved to be largely ineffectual, and hizzoner's enduringly bizarre, doomed effort at handpicking a successor (lifelong Republican Irv Stumler) helped bring us to the era error of Jeff Gahan.

James Garner is a former mayor, I'm still a blogger, and it's good to know we have a shared point of view: Don't just stand there, #FightForWhite2019 in the May 7 primary.

And by doing so: #FireGahan2019

Except for one small point, AssessorGate is a tempest in Squire Adam's chamber pot.

The Democratic brain trust convened a meeting.

AssessorGate has been a very confusing way to begin the New Year.

Floyd County Assessor-elect can take oath, but not office, by Brooke McAfee (Be Fruitful and Multiply the Tom May Content, Hallelujah!)

FLOYD COUNTY — Floyd County Assessor-elect James Sinks will soon be sworn in, according to Floyd County Republican Party Chair Shawn Carruthers. However, he will not be able to take office until he receives the proper certification.

The assessor-elect still needs to obtain a Level II Assessor-Appraiser certification before taking office, according to a letter from the Indiana Department of Local Government Finance. The letter was sent Dec. 20 to Floyd County Clerk Christy Eurton.

He failed to pass a Level II exam this month, and he will not be able to retake the test until January, since he is out of state through Dec. 30. Trish Badger-Byrd, who has served as Floyd County Assessor since 2010, will remain in office until Sinks receives his Level II certification, according to the DLGF letter.

This isn't quite as clear as it might seem, but viewing the code helps.

An Indiana code passed in 2015 requires those elected to the position of assessor to be Level II certified before taking office, according to the letter. This is the first election cycle with the provision in effect.

Here is the code.

IC 36-2-15-2 Election; eligibility; residence; term of office
Sec. 2. (a) A county assessor shall be elected under IC 3-10-2-13 by the voters of the county.

(b) To be eligible to serve as an assessor, an individual must meet the following qualifications before taking office:

(1) If the individual has never held the office of county assessor, the individual must have attained a level two assessor-appraiser certification under IC 6-1.1-35.5.

(2) If the individual has held the office of county assessor, the individual must have attained a level three assessor-appraiser certification under IC 6-1.1-35.5.

(c) A county assessor must reside within the county as provided in Article 6, Section 6 of the Constitution of the State of Indiana. The assessor forfeits office if the assessor ceases to be a resident of the county.

(d) The term of office of a county assessor is four (4) years, beginning January 1 after election and continuing until a successor is elected and qualified.

[Pre-Local Government Recodification Citations: 17-3-1-1 part; 17-3-69.5-1 part.]

As added by Acts 1980, P.L.212, SEC.1. Amended by P.L.5-1986, SEC.37; P.L.3-1987, SEC.550; P.L.1-2004, SEC.61 and P.L.23-2004, SEC.63; P.L.88-2005, SEC.15; P.L.167-2015, SEC.6.

This passage doesn't say Sinks couldn't run for the assessor's office. Rather, it specifies what he must attain in terms of certifications before taking office (emphasis mine).

(d) The term of office of a county assessor is four (4) years, beginning January 1 after election and continuing until a successor is elected and qualified.

This clause reads almost as though the legislature foresaw the possibility that with new standards, confusion might arise.

Back to McAfee:

Even though he cannot yet take office, Sinks can take his oath of office at any point until Jan. 31, according to Brad King, co-director of the Indiana Election Division of the Secretary of State's Office.

He said Sinks will only be considered an office holder once he completes both parts of the qualification process for assessors, which includes both the oath of office and the Level II certification.

"As a result, until the individual completes both parts, the incumbent holds over until the individual completes qualification. There is no limit on how long that could be. He could qualify at any point in a four-year term."

Sinks will not be paid as an office holder until he passes his Level II certification test, King said.

Mountain, meet molehill.

Having searched far and wide, I nevertheless cannot find a bone to pick with Badger-Byrd. I've no way of knowing, but she might be the best qualified county assessor in the state.

However, contrary to the faux anguish and agitated blathering of local Democratic functionaries, who've smiled and grinned in the past while promoting candidates who were either barely literate or scarcely alive -- and sometimes both -- a fair election is a fair election, and one must wonder whether any of them bothered to read the relevant code before soiling their diapers.

Perhaps party chairman Adam Dickey has participated in so few fair elections that he can't even recognize one when it occurs.

As it stands, logic is taking another hammering as Dickey pontificates and caterwauls, complaining that straight ticket voting by Republicans is pure evil, with the best antidote being straight ticket voting by Democrats, and until then, advocating fair election results be overturned because of something the law does not appear to prohibit.

Ultimately, the Democratic Party's crocodile tears, while understandable in the context of its recent string of electoral failures, is little more than a tempest in Dickey's chamber pot, as Republican chairman Shawn Carruthers can see perfectly clearly.

"They know if we take the city they have nothing at all. We are coming for the mayor's office."

That's the real issue, but in closing, make no mistake: there are remnants of egg on Republican faces, too, primarily because of this:

Really?

Sinks failed an open book test?

Dude!

In a unanimous decision, NAC's New Albany "Person of the Year" for 2018 is Jeff Gahan's Money Machine.

It’s time once again for NA Confidential to select New Albany’s "Person of the Year." As in 2017, there'll be no run-ups and time-wasting teasers, although our basic definition remains intact, as gleaned from Time.

Person of the Year (formerly Man of the Year) is an annual issue of the United States news magazine Time that features and profiles a person, couple, group, idea, place, or machine that "for better or for worse ... has done the most to influence the events of the year."

In 2018 there was a consistent theme in the governance of the city of New Albany. As such, what do these occurrences have in common?

• David Duggins' unpunished threat to taser a public housing resident
• Riverview Tower and the recent self-inflicted electrical system damage, as blamed on others 
• Jeff Gahan's Reisz Mahal luxury city hall boondoggle
• The city's neglect of the Moser Tannery, leading to the fire that destroyed it
• Automobile aggrandizement projects being built throughout the city
• The ongoing idiocy of Gahan's cult of personality 
• Summit Springs corporate mud slide and franchise theme park
• Spike in the popularity of Rice Krispies Treats
• A shared use pedway leading straight out of town, rather than linking to the Greenway
• Gahan's bizarre mishandling of the Human Rights Commission

Managerial incompetence, for one thing; for another, shamelessness on the part of people who haven't read books since faced with the imminent failure to graduate high school.

However, they're all connected to greater or lesser extent to the overarching theme of Gahan's seven years in office: the construction of a self-aggrandizing political patronage "pay to play" system unprecedented in the modern era of New Albanian political malfeasance.

Photo credit.

With municipal elections just around the corner in 2019, New Albany has become a banana republic -- or maybe that's a Bud Light Banana-O-Rita Republic.

Gahan's face is on everything, as is his chosen symbol, the anchor. A steady stream of political propaganda proclaiming Gahan's flawless brilliance emanates from City Hall, while the compromised local chain newspaper ducks, covers and cowers over at its Jeffersonville headquarters.

But little of this would have the wherewithal to stick if not for Gahan wetting his beak on each and every expansion of the city's budget. His campaign finance/re-election fund invariably receives a piece of the action on these expenditures of taxpayer money -- and, of course, we only see the transactions he bothers to report on the public forms. 

The emperor and his cash are tied together by the propaganda, and if you think I'm exaggerating, consider this one question: At any point during the past seven years, have you heard Gahan or any of his minions concede to making a mistake or committing an error?

Mull this for just a moment. They're human, and humans are fallible. How can they ever be perfect? And yet, like the Kims in North Korea, we're supposed to believe that a former veneer salesman exemplifies perfection.

It's revolting -- and it's time to revolt. Do we need a mayor whose primary interest is self-deification, or do we need a mayor whose policies make a difference for ordinary citizens, like me and you?

All things considered, there can be only one choice as New Albany's Person(s) of the Year for 2018. It's Mayor Jeff Gahan's Money Machine, and all the people currently benefiting from it. If you're not one of them, please consider voting for one of his challengers next year.

Previous winners:

• 2017 ... #MeToo -- the NA silence breakers
• 2016 ... Chloe Allen
• 2015 ... New Albany property tax payers
• 2014 ... Heroic Non-Incentivized Downtown Developers
• 2013 ... (tie) Houndmouth and "Quality of Life"
• 2012 ... Bill "Slumlord" Allen
• 2011 ... The Sherman Minton Bridge

Jail construction, jail taxes and a point usually missed: "Our jail overcrowding issue is largely based on the inability of people to pay bail."

We can trust Jeff Gillenwater always to cut straight to the chase.

Amid bountiful controversy over jail expansion and jail taxes, hardly anyone including the local chain newspaper has asked why we're jailing so many people.

Our jail overcrowding issue is largely based on the inability of people to pay bail. Sheriff Loop recently mentioned that typically over half the Floyd County inmates at any given time are there not because they’ve been convicted but because they are awaiting trial and can’t make bail. That 50-60% statistic holds up nationally. Those with financial means await trial at home while continuing to work jobs, go to school, tend children, or whatever it is they normally do. Those without enough money to pay bail lose jobs, struggle with childcare or have children taken away, etc., often while charged with the same or similar crimes. We have a prosecutorial problem, not a jail problem.

Yep.

In addition, after months of trench warfare, suddenly City Hall has become amenable to the jail project. This might be because the mayor got what he wanted in terms of a new luxury City Hall and can afford to play nice.

It might also be the approach of a 2019 campaign season during which the irrational hostility of ranking municipal Democrats toward Republican-dominated county government is likely to become a campaign issue damaging to the Democrats, hence a low-grade charm offensive to keep us off-balance.

Pro tip: keep your eye on the anchor, and never stop following the money.

Agreement reached on jail construction permits in Floyd County, by Chris Morris (That Tom May Show)

MEW ALBANY — The city of New Albany and Floyd County government have reached an agreement for the $15 million jail renovation project to move forward.

There had been some disagreement as to which entity had control over permitting for the work. However, city attorney Shane Gibson said Friday the city had issued work permits for the contractor. The city will also inspect the work once it is completed.

Floyd County attorney Rick Fox said both sides got together with "all the players" and went through the process. Now the project can move forward.

ON THE AVENUES: For Deaf Gahan and the Reisz Five, their luxury city hall will prove to be a Pyrrhic victory.

ON THE AVENUES: For Deaf Gahan and the Reisz Five, their luxury city hall will prove to be a Pyrrhic victory.

A weekly column by Roger A. Baylor.

“So in war, the way is to avoid what is strong, and strike at what is weak.”
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

But enough about Team Gahan’s cynical manipulation of David Barksdale -- and the latter's eagerness to be exploited. In the case of the Reisz Elephant, those of us opposing this wasteful boondoggle of the vanities lost the battle, but we may be winning the war.

A Pyrrhic (PEER-ick) victory is a victory that inflicts such a devastating toll on the victor that it is tantamount to defeat. Someone who wins a Pyrrhic victory has also taken a heavy toll that negates any true sense of achievement.

For once, allow me just a moment to give ourselves a pat on the collective back. The broad outlines of an anti-anchor electoral coalition in 2019 increasingly are becoming visible. With each of Gahan’s grandiose and self-referential expenditures, the disgruntlement spreads.

The city’s lofty elites are over-confident, and the governing clique suffers from profound “institutional inbreeding.” The louder Gahan’s boasting becomes, and the greater his posturing, the more threadbare his personality cult’s clothing.

It’s true that Pinocchio Jeff will have pots of money in 2019, but the successful mobilization of Reisz refuseniks convinces me that we’re putting together a solid network for communication and cooperation.

And, to be blunt, during the 47 days that elapsed between the two city council votes on the Reisz Elephant, this blog performed most of the duties of the local “newspaper of record” as they pertain to the critical importance of the Fourth Estate.

The fact of the matter is that democracy requires informed citizens. No governing body can be expected to operate well without knowledge of the issues on which it is to rule, and rule by the people entails that the people should be informed. In a representative democracy, the role of the press is twofold: it both informs citizens and sets up a feedback loop between the government and voters. The press makes the actions of the government known to the public, and voters who disapprove of current trends in policy can take corrective action in the next election. Without the press, the feedback loop is broken and the government is no longer accountable to the people. The press is therefore of the utmost importance in a representative democracy.

To be sure, the Green Mouse and I had lots and lots of help, and thanks are owed to everyone who tipped, tattled and took it upon themselves to spread the word.

Sadly, once again the News and Tribune was AWOL. Of course, immediately after the Reisz Five rammed the mayor’s fix into place, News and Tribune publisher Bill Hansen emerged from the shadows to congratulate himself and the newspaper for being so awesome.

If you aren’t one of those salty newspaper pros of which I write, you won’t get it. You won’t understand that in spite of enduring years of furloughs and low wages, reporters still put their heads down and plow through the muck and the mire to bring you, our readers, information you need — and should want — to know.

If so, then why has the word “Keeneland” been ubiquitous on so many local lips these past few days? It didn’t originate at the N & T, did it? Why were citizens quoting a lowly blog, and not the newspaper? Why were insiders on both sides of the issue sending NA Confidential those e-mails, and not Chris Morris?

Is it time yet for another hard-hitting, "salty" Cooking School?

Just one missed opportunity proves the point. Recalling that a considerable part of Team Gahan’s case to “save” the Reisz building pivoted on the former property owner’s villainy in rendering a presumably valuable historic structure into such a woeful state of “neglect,” “dilapidation” and “blight,” to my knowledge not a single employee of the newspaper ever once asked Schmitt Furniture why it had been a poor steward -- or how it came to be bailed out and rewarded by the city for its refusal to cooperate with the sort of building maintenance codes that might have prevented the decay.

These being codes enforced only variably, anyway. Has the newspaper ever investigated the disappearance of Jeff Gahan’s rental property inspection promise?

In which wing of the down-low bunker is this forgotten vow cowering?

Sadly, the community pillars and the well-connected always get their playthings and golden parachutes, even as poor folks over at the housing authority are threatened with fundamental terror borne of demolitions as fetishized by a C-minus mayor who hasn’t read a book since high school, but fancies himself a Grade-A social engineer.

Jeff Gahan’s $10 million (and rising) Reisz Elephant crusade on behalf of Government Lives Matter is misguided and will be expensive, but it’s also a valuable litmus test preceding next year’s potentially curative elections. The cool kids got their “wants” -- and the rest of us have been gifted with an opportunity to kick the clique to the anchor-festooned curb in 2019.

The momentum is ours. Firing Gahan now rates as a “need.” Let’s get to work.

---

In the run-up to formal approval of the city hall relocation, a defender of the mayor accused me of “making this situation political.”

I was shocked -- not because a grubby sycophant disagreed with me, but that he’s not even a job holder drawn from the mayor’s family tree or his jamboree of toadies.

What, a $10 million mayoral self-empowerment project, political?

Hmm, ya think so?

If anyone can determine a single aspect of the Reisz Elephant saga that hasn’t been political, let me know and I’ll buy you a beer on opening night at Pints & Union.

Actually every last human being involved with the Reisz Elephant city hall relocation debate has been playing politics non-stop, whether behind closed doors (always Gahan’s default preference, mirroring his agoraphobia and revealing eroded social skills), or openly in the clear light of day, as here at the blog, or during Dan Coffey’s do-it-yourself public meeting, a gathering made necessary precisely because of Team Gahan’s fix-is-in, shadowy reticence.

Hypocrisy aside, it’s all politics, all the time, and what the mayor's jockstrap handlers really are trying to say to us is that politics must be reserved to the anointed politicians; if you have not been elected, appointed or purchased outright, then shut up and get out of the way.

Ignoring the most obvious of retorts -- these paragons of virtue can’t be bothered to read their own American foundational documents -- permit me to counter with my own bill of political rights, which states that every single day, although more imperatively when elected officials and their appointed bootlickers hijack the political process amid a blizzard of campaign donations, then circle the wagons and take politics to the down-low bunker, I reserve the option of using all the tools available to me to pursue alternatives and to encourage dissent.

Among these tools are my pen and word processor; powers of persuasion on the porch chatting with a neighbor; a can of spray paint, appropriate signage, periodic occupation and a march for our lives; and in short, using rhetoric, polemics and whatever it takes to get the point across when privileged insiders hack the decision-making process, and newspapers seek to make us feel good instead of telling the truth.

Sorry Bill. You’re absolutely clueless about New Gahania.

In a pinch, it’s certainly an option to “run” for something (again), but the point is that political expression isn’t reserved to office holders and their milieu.

Speaking personally, I’m more likely to “make a run” to the package store for restorative medicine, despite there being far too few shots and tall boys on the planet to dull the imbecilities of those fawning and obsequious toadies who believe we must look the other way while elected officials of Jeff Gahan’s squalid caliber pillage the commonweal at will.

Verily, January 1, 2019 cannot arrive too soon for me. Have I mentioned Nix the Fix?

---

During his stand-up routine at city council on June 21, billed as “35 Reasons I’m Better Than You,” municipal bond percentage retirement fund aggregator Shane Gibson -- who reportedly does legal work in his spare time -- twice mentioned the sum of $9 million as representing the amount the city has invested in the Floyd County Jail, and BY GAWD, Emperor Gahan has absolutely no intention of allowing the perfidious Floyd County governmental miscreants to screw us out of what’s rightfully ours.

Shortly thereafter, afforded an audience by one-fifth of the Reisz Five, I listened in amazement as each point I raised about the luxury city hall enthronement project was met by one or the other variations on a theme: “But the COUNTY’S worse.”

Yeah, but what about the COUNTY?
The COUNTY was corrupt first, you know.
How can you say that WHEN THE COUNTY?

It happens that I’ve been a lifelong opponent of merging city and county government, or “Uni-Gov,” as so many refer to it. The first half of my existence was spent in Georgetown and Floyds Knobs, the second half in New Albany, and to this day, I’m quite skeptical about the chances of uniting disparate entities.

However, these days I’m listening carefully to the case for reducing duplication and combining certain functions, and the reason I’m doing so has nothing whatever to do with any ideological consideration apart from the adolescent, all-consuming, evangelical, anti-county fervor of the Gahanites, which is causing me to recall my status as resident of both city and county, and to realize that the spitball wars between governmental entities are annoyingly childish.

I can hear it now: BUT THE COUNTY STARTED IT, ROGER.

My answer: Are you still in kindergarten, councilman? 

I’m finding it excruciatingly tedious to listen as ineffectual Democratic council creatures shamelessly alibi for their own rampant political cowardice by crying wolf, all while foaming at the mouth and wildly gesturing toward the Knobs.

They’re clearly sick in the head, and I’d phone for an ambulance, except it isn’t clear whether I’d reach the correct 9-1-1 call center.

New Albany’s DemoDisneyDixiecratic higher-ups are the problem, not the solution – and I suppose now we must toss Barksdale into the dysfunctional mix. He’s chosen to allow himself to be used amid the partisan idiocy, and if I were the Republican chairman, I’d be staging the opening sequence of the television series Branded in broad daylight at Hauss Square.

Today more than ever before, the enemy of our enemy is our friend. If we work together in the common interest of the city during the coming months, the Gahan-tagion can be eliminated in 2019, and while we couldn't stop the Reisz Elephant, the toxic waste clean-up can begin in earnest.

Thanks for reading.

#FireGahan2019

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Recent columns:

June 28: ON THE AVENUES: Said the spider to the fly -- will you please take a slice of Reisz?

June 21: ON THE AVENUES: Government Lives Matter, so it's $10,000,000 for Gahan's luxury city hall clique enhancement. Happy dumpster diving, peasants!

June 12: ON THE AVENUES: Histrionic preservation? $8.5 million to gift Jeff Gahan with a luxury city hall "want" is simply obscene in a time of societal need.

June 7: ON THE AVENUES: Taco Bell has as much to do with "local business" as Jeff Gahan does with "quality urban design principles."

There was no column on May 31.

ON THE AVENUES: Said the spider to the fly -- will you please take a slice of Reisz?

ON THE AVENUES: Said the spider to the fly -- will you please take a slice of Reisz?

A weekly column by Roger A. Baylor.

“Will you walk into my parlour?” said the Spider to the Fly,
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.”

“Oh no, no,” said the little Fly, “to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can never come down again.”
“I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?” said the Spider to the Fly.
“There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!”

“Oh no, no,” said the little Fly, “for I've often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!”

“Let’s spend millions to make government more luxurious.”

Said not one taxpayer, in New Albany ... ever.

That’s why the officially sanctioned City Hall plot line for the Reisz Elephant has focused on the prerequisites of historic preservation.

The obvious problem with this approach is that Jeff Gahan’s fervent and impassioned public commitment to historic preservation resembles a tattered Halloween costume, to be pulled from the bag of tricks only once each year when the mayor’s internal campaign finance abacus indicates there may be something in "preservation" for him.

Namely, preserving and expanding his paranoia, and his power.

Haughey’s Place was just as historic as Reisz, and Gahan swept the former tavern away in spite of a solid plan to “save” it. Two new gingerbread houses, holding precisely the same number of occupants as a potentially refurbished Haughey’s, apparently were deemed brighter, shinier objects, at least in the mayor’s inner world of glitz over substance.

So it is that Gahan proposes a $10,000,000 expenditure over 15 years for the renovation of the Reisz Furniture Store into a new luxury location for city hall.

Knowing that plusher government sells about as well as warm Bud Light, Team Gahan’s selling point for the Reisz conversion continues to be those very merits of “historic preservation” he’s ignored so consistently in the past.

Let’s face it. Socially and culturally, Gahan and his sycophants are no better versed than the ordinary Communist Party hacks of old, shipped falling-down shit-faced from Outer Siberia to Moscow to be strapped to the mausoleum siding, lest they fall over it, and to view the May Day parade alongside Comrade Brezhnev.

When they so much as hear the word "art," they reach for their anchors.

However, when it comes to manipulating an intricately designed system of pure political patronage; Gahan is a veritable LeBron James, the reigning master of top-down, down-low, triple-doubled-up lubrication by means of old-school hard cash.

First and foremost, the Reisz Elephant serves a dual purpose for Gahan. It provides an escape route from shared space at the City-County Building, furthering the mayor’s overarching goal of building a wall between city and county government -- and making Mark Seabrook pay for it.

From the moment of Gahan’s accession to itty-bitty-pond power, he has maneuvered to forestall any conceivable manifestation of uni-gov, great or small, because the Democratic Party’s last remaining power base is municipal, and for the political patronage dollars to keep flowing, the fortress must be protected at any cost.

It isn’t exactly a coincidence that Republican at-large councilman David Barksdale feels historic preservation is so important that the Reisz building must be saved … at any cost.

Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, “Dear friend what can I do,
To prove the warm affection I've always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice;
I'm sure you're very welcome — will you please to take a slice?”

“Oh no, no,” said the little Fly, “kind Sir, that cannot be,
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!”

Faced with the need to procure a fifth council vote for the Reisz extravagance, Gahan knew that Barksdale’s legendary tunnel vision not only facilitates the mayor's anti-county disruption tactics, but adds the indescribably sweet element of an otherwise detested Republican voting against his own party’s interests.

Unfortunately, Barksdale’s propensity for micromanaging tree seedling varieties (shade is secondary to the visibility of buildings from the vantage point of passing cars) and parsing IKEA furniture choices for streetside beautification projects better suited to suburban outlet malls (recently a downtown business owner was overheard to say, “If Barksdale doesn’t leave me alone, I’m going to board up my windows out of spite) suggests that he’s missing a bigger picture.

And the wider aims of historic preservation might well suffer for it.

Last August, it was evident that Gahan had artfully enticed the local historic preservation contingent by dangling the renovation of the former Baity Funeral Home on State Street, with a relatively inexpensive municipal tithe of $50,000 to leverage the fire-damaged building into headquarters for Indiana Landmarks (currently situated in Jeffersonville).

Of course, a finger in Jeffersonville Mike Moore’s eye always is a nice bonus.

With preservationists properly baited, the hook was easily set. There’s nothing controversial about the Baity renovation, while every last detail of the Reisz transaction is a journey into the ethics-free morass of self-interested Gahanism, thus the necessity of snaring Barksdale, presently leading a brigade of well-intentioned historic preservationists into a proxy war to defend Gahan’s political imperatives.

Because: these imperatives are all the Reisz Elephant has. Take away the politics, and Keeneland’s just another race track.

“Sweet creature!” said the Spider, “you're witty and you're wise,
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,
If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself.”

“I thank you, gentle sir,” he said, “for what you're pleased to say,
And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day.”

The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again:
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.

As an example, there is a potentially strong case for Reisz’s redemption according to historic preservation in a context of economic development. Team Gahan is aware of the subject heading, if not the entire essay, and has espoused it in connection with Reisz.

But the particulars of Gahan’s Reisz methodology largely negate the case for “ripple effect” economic development. The Reisz Elephant itself is a stodgy, embellishment-free warehouse. Passing traffic on the interstate won’t be diverting to view government offices in a warehouse.

And, as a government building, Reisz will be removed from the tax rolls. Precisely the same number of employees will be shifted three blocks, which is a wash economically, although they’ll pick up a few Fitbit steps by walking an extra block back for lunch at the Hitching Post.

In short, Barksdale’s current political coordinates – and by extension, historic preservation’s hard-earned credibility – can be viewed as resting dead center at the bottom of Gahan’s squalid political sewer.

Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
“Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple — there's a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!”

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings he hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of his brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue —
Thinking only of her crested head — poor foolish thing!
At last,
Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held him fast.
He dragged him up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlour — but he ne'er came out again!

The Reisz at any cost? Barksdale and his cohorts might first have considered the price of co-option. Our elders were astute when they observed that when you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

As it stands, the Godfather’s unctuous corporate counsel Shane Gibson has defined the ruling clique’s terms: either Don Gahan’s way or the landfill. It’s a threat aimed squarely at Barksdale and the co-opted historic preservationists, who now must play the roles scripted for them, or else.

Hear me now: This is a bluff, and it’s utter bullshit.

At Wednesday’s public meeting, 6th district independent councilman Scott Blair repeated that it isn’t too late to make sense of the muddle. There are alternatives and options.

In Blair's view, the most rational course forward for the city of New Albany, having already invested in $750,000 to Denton Floyd by handing the real estate company a check contrived by a secret protocol known only to the upper echelons, is to invest in the Reisz building’s stabilization and remarketing.

Then, the city’s “skin in the same” would be an investment of roughly $1,250,000 in a building that most of us would like to save, a level playing field, and subsequently, the platform for truly fair bidding process. After all, lots of contractors would have been "interested" in submitting Reisz proposals had they been offered the sweetheart deal proffered to Denton Floyd.

The pause also gives downtown stakeholders a chance to participate in the conceptualization, rather than restricting it to Gahan and two of his closest cronies. Isn't the "free" market supposed to be about a multiplicity of ideas, not just one preferred option?

As Blair points out, the city already owns property on the southwest corner of Main and Pearl, where a parking garage once stood. A made-to-spec city hall could be built there for far less than the anticipated Reisz payments, and with Reisz renovated by the private sector, it would remain on the tax rolls and actually fulfill the economic development arguments at the heart of judicious historic preservation.

The only reason why Blair’s sensible proposals are being stonewalled is the intransigence of Gahan … and Barksdale.

Their fix is in, their timetables are set, and the tragedy of this whole story is that Barksdale, who means well, doesn’t understand the extent to which he’s being used by an egocentric and inveterate manipulator.

Consequently, historic preservationists might get their chosen building, but by hitching the wagon to Gahan’s unrestrained cult of personality, they risk being cast into the wilderness barring a solitary outcome of next year’s election: namely, the mayor’s re-election.

That’s too bad.

It’s not too late to fix the fix, but first, one of five council members currently dedicated to Dear Leader’s enrichment must put his foot on the brake.

By all rights it should be Barksdale, shouldn’t it?

And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.

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Mary Howitt wrote the The Spider and the Fly. This search takes you to articles at NA Confidential about the proposed Reisz project. The final vote is Monday. You're advised to contact your councilman (there are no women) and make your viewpoint known.

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Recent columns:

June 21: ON THE AVENUES: Government Lives Matter, so it's $10,000,000 for Gahan's luxury city hall clique enhancement. Happy dumpster diving, peasants!

June 12: ON THE AVENUES: Histrionic preservation? $8.5 million to gift Jeff Gahan with a luxury city hall "want" is simply obscene in a time of societal need.

June 7: ON THE AVENUES: Taco Bell has as much to do with "local business" as Jeff Gahan does with "quality urban design principles."

There was no column on May 31.