Showing posts with label Rogar Bayler (Twitter parody). Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rogar Bayler (Twitter parody). Show all posts

Friday, November 08, 2019

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Zoochosis in fact and fiction.


Last evening we observed the cool kids in their natural habitat.

Election Day was like Viagra for my Twitter parodist Rogar's ejaculatory prose.


Regular reader T noticed something important.

I'm going to assume they work in the City-County Building. I heard the working conditions there are inhumane so they may very well be suffering from zoochosis.

Astute; not only does "zoochosis" fit comfortably within Team Gahan's citywide syllable limit, but it's also a disturbingly accurate characterization. Might David Barksdale be Rogar? Inquiring minds would rather not know.

Unlike Rogar, zoochosis is real.

Zoochosis is a word used to explain the stereotypical behavior of animals in captivity. The stereotypic behavior is described as an invariant, repetitive behavior pattern with no apparent goal or function. Animals in zoos and other forms of captivity suffer from stress and depression and display unusual behaviors. These habits are not displayed by animals roaming in the wild which means that confinement has detrimental effects on the health of animals. The condition was identified by Bill Travers in 1992. Zoochosis is displayed through behavioral disorders such as circling, pacing, bar biting, excessive grooming, addiction, and self-harm. Zoochotic animals also portray eating disorders such as anorexia.

It's a sad situation for the animals ... not to mention the minions, although soon the advent of the Reisz Mahal should help immensely.

Thursday, November 07, 2019

Election Day was like Viagra for my Twitter parodist Rogar's ejaculatory prose.


I don't know about you, but I think it's a noteworthy achievement to have merited an anonymous Twitter parody account ever since the autumn of 2014. After all, as so many of my (shall we say) "adversaries" no doubt would agree, I'm a complete nobody.

And by American standards of success and propriety, they're absolutely right. I'm neither an office holder nor a business owner, just a city resident, low-rung employee and taxpayer.

Not a single organization has appointed me as a board member, and I pay dues to no club of which I'm aware, although I did join AARP a few years back to begin accumulating senior discounts.

It's true that I write a bit about food and beer, and maintain a modest blogging presence.

Sadly, most of the people who "like" my parodist Rogar's tweets claim to have never read my blog, which is confusing, because how do they know which of Rogar's jokes to laugh at?

Maybe they're clairvoyant (three syllables ... perfectly legal).

So, how many purely ordinary people in a city of New Albany's size can motivate someone to undertake a parody Twitter account? Not many. Apparently I'm indescribably special.

It's a very flattering thing, and I wish I knew who to thank, although as noted, my parodist is anonymous. He or she takes issue with my polemics (which go unread, remember?) pertaining to the Gahan administration, knowing where to aim barbs because I own all my words, and yet I know not where to return fire.

That's okay. Ignobility is protected speech, too.

Of course I take a glance at Rogar from time to time, but I answer him/her quite seldom because it seems silly to try and converse with someone wearing a mask who hides behind a fence.

But just this once, I'll have a stab at it.


"Wild to think how I used to be a respected, relevant part of this community before I torpedoed my career and credibility for this moronic crusade that has consumed my life and accomplished nothing"

Wait -- respected and relevant?

Assuming for the sake of the argument that Rogar is a Gahan supporter, no less an authority than the mayor himself discarded these very notions of respectability and relevance in 2015 when he observed that I'd never done anything positive for New Albany; it's a quote, on the public record, so don't go arguing with me.

Dear Leader said it, and now the words are gospel. I'd leave instructions to inscribe them on my tombstone -- "He Did Nothing Positive for his City" -- except I hope to be cremated and my ashes scattered over the Reisz Mahal.

Moreover, it's a low blow to accuse me of having a career in the first place, much less to torpedo it. Insofar as 25 years as a business owner were concerned, they were accidental, ad hoc and purely improvised from start to finish because I've always been a supremely reluctant capitalist. It never struck me as a career, just something I was doing until something else came along.

My departure from my former company had nothing to do with anything, apart from disengagement from a pursuit that had run its course. I was ballast, and I threw myself overboard.

Accomplished nothing?

Hardly. There are many ways to keep score, and votes are only one of them. The closest thing to "sacred" in my world is an obligation to hold accountable those seeking power, in DC or Eastridge Drive, by utilizing whatever tools the otherwise powerless find available to them: asking questions, conjuring polemics, asking questions, laughing out loud, asking questions, and hurling satire.

Did I mention asking questions?

Most of Gahan's supporters insist that Donald Trump isn't immune to these questions and snarkbergs. All I've done is remind the Gahanites that the practice of politics cuts both ways at all levels. Consequently what I've done has accomplished the bare minimum of what any of us should expect from a democratic form of government. It could have accomplished more, but it takes two to tango.

Rogar?

It seems to me he or she is the one being consumed, but no matter. Like I said, how many ordinary people merit a parody account on Twitter? Just think how much more savage and cutting the parody would be if the parodist actually read NA Confidential?

If the parodist actually read. Rogar's fevered election day utterances follow. Looks obsessive to me; then again, I'm nobody ... and enjoying every minute of it.


Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Health violations? Rally's temporarily closed? Say it ain't so, Slick Jeffie.


My fictional doppelgänger (sorry, Shane -- look it up) clued me into the Rally's tragedy. Personally, I think White Castle set them up.


Rogar has seemed a bit intemperate of late, but then again, it's an election year.

However, credit the anonymous Twitter troll for maintaining good relations with fast food chains. After all, come January 1, quite a few of Team Gahan's operatives will be transitioning from "your TIF suite is ready, Mr. Lanz" to "ya want fries with that?"

Rally's in New Albany temporarily closed due to health violations, by Brooke McAfee (Tom May Biblical Concordance)

NEW ALBANY — The Rally's at 401 Vincennes St. in New Albany was closed Wednesday by the Floyd County Health Department due to numerous health code violations.

During a routine inspection, a food inspector from the Floyd County Health Department temporarily closed the fast food restaurant around 2 p.m. Wednesday afternoon after finding four critical violations and numerous minor violations, according to Floyd County Health Officer Dr. Tom Harris. They "felt the food service was unsafe," he said.

Harris said the restaurant will be closed until it is cleaned, and the health department will conduct the same inspection in the morning ...

Thursday, May 19, 2016

ON THE AVENUES: Requiem for the bored.

ON THE AVENUES: Requiem for the bored.

A weekly column by Roger A. Baylor.

---

A STATEMENT FROM OUR MAYOR

My fellow New Albanians, as your mayor – no, strike that. 

I’m sorry. This isn’t the usual boilerplate.

As a human being, I’m saddened that a resident of New Albany lost her life walking across the street. Chloe Allen was only trying to return home on foot after a few errands, and now she’s dead.

It’s unacceptable, it’s tragic, there are no excuses, and we’re going to do something about it. We cannot restore her life, but we can heed the words of her friend, Ms. Lori Kay Sympson:

"If anything good can come of this, it'll be that this intersection is made safer."

She is referring to the intersection at Vincennes and East Spring, and yes, we’ll be taking a fine-tooth comb to it to make safety for all users the top priority. For too long, we’ve ignored the dangers at this and other intersections in New Albany. This is going to change.

But it isn’t just this intersection, and it’s critical to understand that these dangers are not restricted to one or another crosswalks, or to this or that streets. We have a problem. We also have an opportunity.

Hazards are abetted on a daily basis by the way we’ve chosen to manage the city’s street grid. Indiana law plainly advises drivers that walkers have the right of way – and just as plainly, walkers in New Albany know that our streets are a coin flip at best. We may have sidewalks, but we don’t have walkability.

That’s because traffic safety has come to be viewed entirely as safety for drivers of cars, and not the city as a whole, including those who move about in other ways – walking, biking, in wheelchairs or carts. The problem at the intersection of Spring and Vincennes Streets actually begins elsewhere, for many blocks in all four directions.

We cannot improve safety by treating mere symptoms. Only major surgery will be effective.

When I chose Jeff Speck to pioneer a walkability study for New Albany, it was done with the recognition that his factual, reality-based recommendations would preface a bold new chapter in the city’s history by restoring an environment suitable for all citizens and all users of our streets, whether on foot, riding a bicycle or driving a car.

Automotive traffic was never intended to move at highway speeds through built-up urban areas intended for the speed of your child at play, not conditions like those on an interstate highway.

We lost sight of this, and now we know it has to change. Speck recommends – and I emphatically agree – that the fundamental design of our streets be altered, with the ultimate objective of slowing and calming traffic.

When it comes to humans driving cars, speed, inattentiveness and recklessness kill. It’s intolerable, and it has to stop.

Certainly law enforcement plays a part in any potential solution, but Speck’s proposals are based on empirical evidence. They’re based on facts, and we intend to implement them – and to do so speedily, as speedily as possible, because not only must safety be our first imperative; we also must apply principles of “quality of life” to this city as a whole, and to manage the city according to best practices for all, not some.

Call the street reform process as you will, so long as you grasp the necessity. Walkability, complete streets and street calming are good for neighborhoods, property values, quality of life and small business success. Cities all across the country provide examples, and we need only follow suit.

Some might point to statistics, and say that when it comes to deaths by walkers and bicyclists at the hands of people driving cars and trucks, New Albany is better than the national average.

That’s no consolation, and it is no reason to refrain from proven methods of doing better. Public safety is the very last place to be miserly, whether with money or scrutiny. An active, progressive, forward-thinking city is far more than the sum of its automobiles.

Rather, a city is about people like Chloe Allen, and the best – the only – way for us to honor her sacrifice is to get this right, once and for all.

I hope you’ll join us in the effort -- now, not later.

---

You’ve been reading the words Jeff Gahan has not said, and will not say. Let’s consider the aftermath of a walker’s death, because if we don't, who will?

First, we turn to anonymous parodist Rogar Bayler, who has been on Twitter satirizing Roger Baylor since 2014.

(Our friendly vowel swapper sought to do the same at Facebook, but ran afoul of that social media platform’s distaste for veiled and hooded participants.)

At any rate, Rogar says that I’ve been a naughty boy.

Hey everybody watch me crassly exploit a human being's death to score extremely cheap points for my pet agenda.


My friend Mark Cassidy notices the irony herein.

Interesting that safety is considered a "pet agenda" by this administration.

Isn't it?

Although suitably damning, Mark’s observation assumes that Rogar inhabits Gahan’s down-low labyrinth – perhaps as a lowly apparatchik, or a member of the privileged nomenklatura.

It’s a plausible assumption, of course, because if you’re looking for clues, consider that fluency in crassness and exploitation is the very best qualification to seek employment with Team Gahan, as these have been persistent hallmarks of the mayor’s political career from Day One.

After all, crass exploitation accurately describes the awarding of sewer tap-in waivers to an Indianapolis developer while withholding them from local companies, and placing a dog park atop a sacred Native American site, or even allowing the likes of Louisville’s Production Simple to dictate financial terms of single-day festival participation to businesses that operate in New Albany 365 days a year.

But I digress.

The best answer to Rogar comes from Chloe Allen’s friend, who made the touching and heartfelt video referred to above, in the statement Gahan never made – and will not make.



I can almost hear Rogar the attack puppy commence its itty bitty snarl.

Hey everybody watch Lori Kay Sympson crassly exploit a human being's death to score extremely cheap points for her pet agenda.

---

There was a car show in New Albany on Sunday. The show necessitated closing downtown streets to vehicular traffic so that people could drive from far away, park as close as they could to the car show, and walk as little as possible while viewing it.

Then on Tuesday, it was time for the Board of Public Works, which I identified as such on Facebook. The Bookseller raised an eyebrow.

When even you neglect to call it the Board of (Works &) Public Safety, there's no wonder.

I only sought to remove extraneous (look it up, corporate attorney) words.

At its most basic, the board channels public financing of works. The chairman is Warren Nash, former Democratic Party tribal chieftain, who is there only because six decades of experience greasing wheels ensures that no campaign finance slush goes unslung. The abacus fairly sweats, and the rubber always meets the freshly paved road.

(The other two board members are Mickey Thompson, the street department commissioner, and Cheryl Cotner-Bailey, the mayor’s secretary and wife of the police chief.)

As for safety, yes, the word is mentioned every now and then, about as often as I concede to savoring the full, rich flavor of Bud Light.

Seriously, it's always enjoyable to attend Board of Public Works meetings, and to hear weekly sermons reinforcing auto-centrism from Jacobi Toombs and Lanz, which apparently is some sort of Autocentrism Enhancement Society with an exclusive city contract to do just that.

On Tuesday, while discussing improvement designed to increase the amount of traffic on Charlestown Road near Northside Christian and the new ball diamonds being built nearby, the attending traffic engineer from Jacobi Toombs and Lanz tried to say the words “walking path” aloud.

He lost all self-assurance, and began stuttering and murmuring. The look on his face was not unlike that of a yokel in the hayfield coming face to face with a gleaming alien space module.

I just knew what he was thinking between incredulous coughs: "Why in the name of warp drives would anyone walk in an area we’ve been designing for decades to discourage it?"

My favorite moments at Board of Public Works meetings are when city officials roll their eyes – wink wink, nudge nudge – and approach the bored to gain cursory rubber stamps for special civic events created and designed by the same city officials who appointed sitting members to the Board of Public Works.

Speaking of closed circles, let the Tuesday record show: 15 minutes of $3 million dollar paving discussion, 10 minutes of Charlestown Rd vehicular traffic discussion, Boomtown and Bicentennial Park Concert Series street closings, a street banner and a fish fry approval.

It was another stellar day for auto-centrism in New Albany, and contrary to previous assurances, not a single egg was broken, Larry – just a random walker struck down, and never mentioned, not once, not by anyone in the room. She was probably too poor to afford a car -- right, Warren?

Tell me something.

Exactly how does any of this make any of you proud of your jobs?

---

May 12: ON THE AVENUES: A design for life.

May 5: ON THE AVENUES: Getting back, moving forward, drinking coffee.

April 28: ON THE AVENUES: You know, the two-way streets column I wrote -- 7 years ago, in 2009.

April 21: ON THE AVENUES: The Green Mouse tells all.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Jeff Gahan's Twitter parody is called Jeff I Am.


It's funny ... and no, I've no idea who is doing it.

Come to think of it, you don't think it could be the same parodist, do you?

Jeff I Am: https://twitter.com/JeffJongUn

Rogar Bayler: https://twitter.com/RogarBayler

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Floyd County Democrats said to be itching for another bout ...


 ... just as soon as they awaken from the last one.

By the way, in case you didn't know, I recently stepped up one rung on the benighted level of local social media achievement by way of being awarded with my first parody Twitter account. Judging from the following tweets last night, my anonymous parodist (wait, could it be? Naw, probably not HER) has yet to learn that without parody, there is no parody.


Hell, I could have written THAT ... and probably did.