I'm a voyeur. I was there to watch the show, not instigate it.

Given New Albany's legacy of the Battered City Syndrome, perhaps it's inevitable that someone at Develop New Albany would suggest that the Floyd County Health Department visited last week's Exculpatory New Albany bash only because I called in a bureaucrat's strike.

The tedium. Folks, obliviousness is not a solid recommendation.

Kindly note that NABC is actively contesting the health department's arbitrary and baseless harassment, not phoning them with hot tips (I've considered misleading them with phony tips, however), and that if successful, NABC's protest will be for the good of all vendors in a similar position.

In fact, in addition to publicly screaming about the health department's myriad usurpations until I'm hoarse and in urgent need of the sort of soothing medication being applied internally via growlers while seated in Sandra's back yard last week, I privately warned certain members of DNA about the probability of the health department's interest. And still there were FOOD (not alcohol) vendors on hand, as yet unaware that those legitimate FOOD rules apply to them.

Is this because American rules somehow don't count in Englandia? All along, I've been asking DNA and others to join me in this struggle. I do my best to make them aware. Hey, you're welcome. As usual, Bluegill writes it best.

Don't worry. After you win, they'll join you. Or rather, suggest that you should have joined them, since they won.

Heard it through the grapevine: This year's Extrapolative New Albany.

I swear that if the idea had occurred to me in time, I'd have hired Steve Price to perform karaoke for our June 20 yard party. Never was Lynyrd Skynyrd so solely missed as last Thursday evening.

We established a joyful dissident's perimeter in Sandra's yard. How fortunate for us that her house adjoined the location of this year's Exclusively New Albany.

The view was peachy. We likened it to perching on a rooftop opposite Wrigley Field and peeking in on a baseball game while drinking one's own, far superior beer.

Everything about the bicentennial edition of Exclusionary New Albany purportedly was "local," save for the multinational beers and wines being vended from the bar. It's too bad such a beautiful setting as Larry Ricke's home was victim to such conceptual futility as Bud Light and Beringer, but it's what always happens when small cabals (England kniggets?) exercise control, and others, who are perfectly well-meaning, permit them to do so.

Come to think of it, "cabal" could be referring to the Floyd County Health Department, which visited last Thursday's DNA party. Shoes do fit, after all.

"His Story Behind the Fence": At DNA's party, Doug England announces run for Mayor ...

 ... of Develop New Albany. Here's the news story.

New Albany -- Former three-term New Albany mayor Doug England, a presumptive Democrat who once hand-picked a Republican (subsequently defeated) to replace him in the Perpendicular Office so he could run for city council and ignominiously lose to Shirley Baird, divulged at last week's Extemporaneously New Albany gala that incumbent Joe LaRocca is "finished" as Develop New Albany leader.

"Aw, fuck it," said England in a prepared statement before a cornered, snarling alley cat. "It's my club, anyway. Mine!

"I built the whole damn thing, NDA, ADN, DuhNuh; whatever. There oughta be a plaque somewhere in this shithole of a town. If Joe's not gonna drive it -- gimme the goddamned keys. I've only had a couple of bottles. I'll drive up to Kuhlumbus and get Carl.

"Road trip!"

Later, while hawking raffle tickets, England was overheard soliciting campaign contributions for his DNA mayoral campaign.

"Gimme that," he said, reaching into a nearby wallet. "See those assholes behind our fence? Can you believe that actually thought I'd KEEP all those promises I made? Gave 'em a goddamned bike lane, and what do they want? Two-fucking way streets! Jesus -- like I could afford to pay off Padgett for any of THOSE."

England glared at the string quartet.

"Girl -- GIRL -- I say girlie, daddy needs a nice cabernet ... "

Health Department's revenue enhancement + Develop New Albany's event calendar = ?

Tonight is Develop New Albany's annual fundraising event, Exclusively New Albany.

NABC will play no role in this event, but in spite of what you might think, this isn't so much of an issue with me, even if I enjoy tweaking and tweeting about it.

DNA's apparent policy (albeit one that varies by the hour and source) is that there can be no cash vending without organizational membership, and that's fine by me. Briefly, it looked as though we might slip through with a technicality, by teaming with a DNA member business, but then our friend was told that he, too, couldn't vend.

Presumably there'll still be (non-local) alcoholic beverages on hand tonight. If it hasn't already been relayed, someone might wish to warn the vendor (?) of the Health Department's new temporary food permit expectation. This current reality is unjustified, and we'll eventually prevail in overturning it, but in the interim, it adds $20 for charitable purposes (i.e., a poor starving bureaucracy's coffers) each time a vendor pours publicly, even if the requisite ATC permit already is in hand.

In turn, perhaps Develop New Albany hasn't yet done the math, so I'll offer this: When it operates the annual Jingle Walk wine tasting this fall on Thanksgiving weekend, all the participating wineries now will be subject to the new permit procedure: $20 each, on top of what they're already donating, for what amounts to a bureaucratic usurpation.

As such, perhaps DNA is interested in joining the chorus against revenue enhancement protection rackets. The bar and restaurant sector could use DNA's support on this one. Ask yourselves: If this one gets past us, what's next?

However, in the short term: Help your vendor(s) avoid costs for requirements that absolutely no one at the Health Department told them about, and let your vendors know.

No Tricentennial for DNA in wartime, unfortunately.

Okay. So much for that idea.

Develop New Albany’s off the hook. I thought things were arranged so that there could be beer vending at the Exclusively New Albany event on Thursday, but sometimes the best laid plans go the way of 108K consulting gigs at the NSP. Our "in" didn't materialize, and so it goes.

Besides that, as of Friday, there are bigger bureaucratic fish to fry, and so I welcome DNA to join New Albany’s beer community in condemning the county health department for its out-of-the-blue decision to require temporary food permits of ATC-licensed entities to pour beer from a keg into a plastic cup.

Speaking of which, did you know that a combined city-county health department dates only from 1991?

The department’s shaky justification for this new fee imposition probably dates from ambiguous language in original enabling legislation from Year Three of George HW Bush’s presidency.

Meaning that it has taken the local health department 22 long years to find the right words to implement revenue enhancement harassment.

Those food-borne pathogens that don’t even exist in draft beer?

They really must be shaking in their boots.

Tricentennial Ale, available at Exclusively New Albany on June 20.

Recently I've been musing aloud about the wetting of beaks, and the persistence of various modes of behavior. The digression began here:

NABC and Exclusively New Albany: What would YOU do?

 ... Exclusively New Albany is a "signature" event, meaning that only those businesses paying dues as members of DNA have the right to vend for cash (as would be the case with full pours of craft beer from NABC). All others are invited to participate as samples-only delegates, and donate product.

It was renewed here:

An alternative model; conversely, let's just drink some good beer and let it go.

 ... Look, I know DNA won't entertain my suggestion, and furthermore, I understand that the whole event vending "rule" scheme is constructed to be a sweetheart deal for a friend of the non-transparent former regime, which still holds sway in spite of the welcome change in leadership.

It is my pleasure to report that the impasse has been artfully resolved. At the Exclusively New Albany event on June 20, you will find two types of NABC beer being vended by full, adult-sized pour, for which cash money will be gratefully accepted. One of the taps has yet to be announced. The other definitely will be Tricentennial Ale, providing those in attendance the opportunity to drink Post-Colonial Ale in a pleasant, streetside setting ... and by popular demand, I'll be there to talk beer.

All it took was an idea man ... and I thank him.

An alternative model; conversely, let's just drink some good beer and let it go.

Karaoke by Li'l Stevie at Exclusively New Albany, 2012

I posed the question earlier last week.

NABC and Exclusively New Albany: What would YOU do?

Exclusively New Albany is a "signature" event, meaning that only those businesses paying dues as members of DNA have the right to vend for cash (as would be the case with full pours of craft beer from NABC). All others are invited to participate as samples-only delegates, and donate product.

I've been thinking about this. The point isn't about the relative pittance that a vendor might earn from such a gig. It's about conceptual consistency of the sort so elusive here in New Albany.

Develop New Albany's rule (whether or not the rule actually exists on paper anywhere, which is doubtful) is that only those entities with a paid membership in DNA can vend for profit at a DNA signature event.

To join DNA for just one event would cost $250 dollars. The only event that DNA even stages during the course of the year, as structured to provide any semblance of a vending opportunity, is Exclusively New Albany, and so in essence, there is a $250 fee to vend at this solitary event.

(Another obvious question: DNA runs the Farmers Market, where few of the weekly vendors are members of DNA; where there is no requirement to be a member; and where the fee for weekly vending is far less. How then does the Farmers Market fit into this equation?)

My original proposal to DNA was to allow us to sell full pours of NABC beers at Exclusively New Albany, rather than pour small gratis samples, given that the vast majority of event attendees who like our beers are drinking full pours of them regularly, anyway, and would prefer to do so at DNA's event rather than cans of Bud Light or Heineken -- neither of which fit into anyone's conception of localism, a doctrine that DNA purportedly seeks to expound (for example) at the Farmers Market ... and what does "exclusively New Albany" mean if not emphasizing items and ideas unique to here, as opposed to emanating from Leuven or Amsterdam?

But I digress.

My pouring proposal is to allow NABC to "pay to play," though not by imposing a yearly membership fee on the vendor, up front. Rather, I'd bring kegs, pour beers and share a percentage of the after-cost proceeds with DNA. Depending on the amount of beer sold, the return to DNA conceivable would be more than the flat $250 fee. Probably not, but the point is that such a model would encourage vendors like me to push some product, make some money for themselves, and provide consideration to the sponsoring organization to wet its beak, all at the same time. You know, rather like capitalism is supposed to work.

Look, I know DNA won't entertain my suggestion, and furthermore, I understand that the whole event vending "rule" scheme is constructed to be a sweetheart deal for a friend of the non-transparent former regime, which still holds sway in spite of the welcome change in leadership. At the end of the day, it just isn't very beneficial of me to give samples of beer away at a venue where most of the folks in attendance already know the product line. Besides that, craft beer brewers are trying to move away from non-remunerative sample models like that of Exclusively New Albany.

Our friend who lives right next door to the Exclusively New Albany venue has been gracious in offering the use of her yard on the night of the DNA event. My inclination at the moment, if she's still willing, is to set up a keg there on June 20, and have our own little party. Think of the clever Poorcastle Festival.

The beer and food will be on me. If you'll be attending Exclusively New Albany, just stop by and have a good local beer before or after. It sounds like an equitable compromise to me, with no money changing hands, and it will make the mass-market swill at the event go down far easier. We'll be talking about two-way streets, housing rehabs and Houndmouth.

Stay tuned for further details.

NABC and Exclusively New Albany: What would YOU do?

(Exclusively 2010)

For those who've queried, here's the straight dope.

Since the inception of Develop New Albany's Exclusively New Albany, NABC has been happy to dispense beer samples at the event. Each year we've done so, lots of folks have asked why they can't purchase full pours of craft beer, seeing as generally there has been a full cash bar on hand, albeit without any beer remotely approximating craft -- because, oddly, some people still don't/can't/won't "get" it.

Finally I decided to ask, and the answer that has come back to me is that Exclusively New Albany is a "signature" event, meaning that only those businesses paying dues as members of DNA have the right to vend for cash (as would be the case with full pours of craft beer from NABC). All others are invited to participate as samples-only delegates, and donate product.

There isn't much else I can say; after all, rules are rules.

Note the diplomatic complexities. I appreciate the general direction DNA's new management is taking; it is a welcomed change, and I'd like to recognize it and help them out. I don't mind conceding a sense of frustration (perhaps fury) when mass-market swill wins out, but so it goes ... and, regrettably, far too often. Joining DNA for the sole purpose of vending would be counter-productive, both in terms of defraying the expense through one night of vending (highly unlikely), and personal ideology. I'm tempted to offer an alternative on the 20th by licensing the property of a friend next door, although some would perceive that as churlish. And, finally, I might set up a table once again, pour 10 growlers by 2-ounce allotment, write it off, and call it a day.

It's complicated. Advice, anyone? Maybe it's time for a web poll.

Ladies and gentlemen ... Steve Price. He's kicking "99 Red Balloons'" ASS.

(Nena's title cut and photo courtesy of KC)

Last evening's Exclusively New Albany fundraising event featured karaoke by a former councilman. From a balcony above the garage, Steve Price serenaded attendees with a delightfully unexpected medley of smash hits, including "Oh, What A Night" by the Four Seasons and the Monkees' "Daydream Believer," the latter dedicated as a tribute to Davy Jones, the late singer and Harvest Homecoming parade marshal.

By the time Price took us on a one-way trip to the sun with a stone-cold mashup of Engelbert Humperdinck's bewitching "After the Loving," there wasn't a dry eye in the house -- or underwear, for that matter. The only disappointment was when the show ended without a version of "Eternal Flame" by the Bangles, and someone threw rotten fruit at the deck. Price just stuffed it in his longneck Bud.

But here's the rub: Apparently Price allowed Develop New Albany to use his adjacent field for event parking in return for the karaoke gig. His over-the-top, scenery-chewing performance of ridiculously cheesy pop songs was leering parody of the highest magnitude, and if you think I'm exaggerating, consider the audience. It was composed almost entirely of the very same people who scoffed at Price's council tenure.

Last night, he crashed the grownups' party and laughed back, using karaoke to return the favor in spades. No, not altogether so dumb. Not at all. I'd confess to admiring the calculated chutzpah, except that the trauma remains much too fresh.

---

ENA notes: Next year's edition will take place in June a week later than the 2012 gala, and will be held at the Ricke residence on the corner of Elm and 10th. Let's hope that King Larry doesn't own a parking lot across the street.

It lies excruciatingly near.

If memory serves, the direct predecessor of Exclusively New Albany was a gathering at the Little Culbertson in 2008. This was followed by two events at Mayor England's home (2009, 2010), and last year's version downtown. For a fifth fete In 2012, the scene shifts to Dewey Heights, where former council time server Steve Price hoards his own stash ... of treasure.

I know little else about the format on June 14, which should come as a surprise to no one. For once, Li'l Stevie and the Publican can bond over joyful ignorance.

Exclusively New Albany: This Thursday, downtown.

Exclusively New Albany, version 2010.

Amanda Arnold provides the Tribune account of Thursday’s Exclusively New Albany fete at the home of Mayor and Mrs. England, the highlight of which for me was Guy Tedesco's sculpture.

Mayor England opens house for Develop New Albany event

NEW ALBANY — On Thursday evening, Mayor Doug England and Michelle England welcomed Develop New Albany onto the lawn of their 1837 restored home where art and community came together for the Third Annual Exclusively New Albany. The mix of art and a social gathering complimented this year’s theme of "It Takes a Village."

It was another in a series of brutally hot and humid days, but a big crowd still turned out. There was music ...

... and even ice for the NABC beer samples.

Other personal highlights included the Windsor's rack of lamb, Tommy Kaiser's cigar bar, and the admirable pre-council meeting "beer abstinence" displayed by Matt Lorch.

Next Thursday, June 17 is Exclusively New Albany.

It's at the mayor's house, and so we're really not expecting to see Professor Erika there, but let it be known: Upon showing a valid ID to me properly identifying himself, I'll pay Professor Erika's way inside the fundraiser just for the fun of it.

Want a free ticket to tonight's "Exclusively New Albany" event?

I bought a ticket for the missus, but she can't attend. You can have it if you're the first to e-mail me. The offer ends at 4:30 p.m. today.

DNA's Exclusively New Albany: "Experience Your Own Backyard" on Wednesday, June 3.

DNA's Exclusively New Albany: "Experience Your Own Backyard" on Wednesday, June 3.