In which we reveal EXACTLY how to evade those pesky bureaucratic parking requirements.

Something noteworthy happened at the January meeting of the Board of Zoning Appeals.

PUBLIC HEARING: Docket B-01-16: James and Tabitha Sprigler request a Land Use Variance to permit commercial office space, yoga studio and art gallery that will not meet development standards in the R-2, Urban Residential district, at 1931 Spring Street.

Decades ago, the building at 1931 East Spring Street housed the Pacific Mutual Life Insurance Company, and when it closed, the zoning became residential. The Spriglers have completely renovated the building and sought a variance for commercial use.

The docket is self-explanatory, though it helps to know that the art gallery was intended specifically as an "uptown" location to be used by the Arts Council as a second, smaller site for exhibitions and classes.

The BZA approved use as a yoga studio and office, but refused use as an art gallery.

Over parking concerns.

Readers with long memories will recall that Jeff Speck's Downtown Street Network Proposal, which currently is being held captive in a remote and primly bolted tower of Jeff & Warren's Magical Kingdom, calls for a profusion of on-street parking along this high-speed stretch of the world's longest interstate entrance ramp.

In the presumably safe assumption that New Gahanian administration insiders are the only human being with any knowledge of City Hall's position v.v. Speck, the applicants mentioned these future parking spaces, only to be reminded by Scott Wood that street grid reforms will or will not occur at the whim of the King, and consequently, we cannot place faith in them -- only in documents not updated since Guns 'n' Roses actually mattered.

As for the existence of parking spaces behind the building and along nearby Jay and Thomas streets, and the possibility of working with nearby commercial lots to park cars during Arts Council events, the answer was the same.

Parking must belong to the building itself, and other spots cannot be considered.

So, even though the current Arts Council building on the corner of Market and 9th utilizes on-street parking alone, the proposed annex on Spring absolutely could not.

Hmm. You'd think it would be just as easy to entirely close Spring Street for special arts events as it is to entirely close Market Street for special arts events ... but we wouldn't want to compel logical thought from the Bored of Works, would we? That's because we've learned our lesson: New Gahanian projects pertaining to arts almost have a tendency to produce brain farts amid the ruling elite.

NAC believes there is one course the applicants might have pursued to alleviate concerns over parking, and to obtain a "free" pass on parking requirements.

Introducing the Arts Council River Run Water Park on Spring.