Seeing as a new year just got under way, a reminder is warranted, because just today, I saw this:
@BellsBrewery #Hopslam is gone unless u have already reached out!”
At work, I receive sales solicitations on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. Most of them are advertising pitches, which are annoying in the best of times. Especially in January, I can rely on LinkedIn to deliver a dozen new "friends," most of whom immediately begin asking me to buy insurance.
However, other requests are for a wide array of worthy causes, to which I generally respond by donating one of my personal, guided tasting certificates. These tend to do quite well in silent auction formats. Admittedly, I'm finding it a bit tedious to be asked to donate multiple kegs of beer for your crucial fundraisers, but that's a different topic, for another time.
Recently I received an e-mail; names and organizations have been removed to protect those about to be harshly berated.
My name is ( ... ) and I am emailing you on behalf of ( ... ). I wanted to reach out and give you an opportunity to participate in our first annual fundraiser to be held ...
Pay attention, world, and observe these words carefully:
I wanted to reach out ...
That's what I thought you wrote.
Note that I DETEST THIS CONTEMPTIBLE, LAZY, MBA PROGRAM USAGE!
You can request, ask, demand, beg, implore or connive, and there's a good chance I will finish reading your words, or listening to you speak your piece.
But, henceforth, any solicitation I receive that bears any trace of this lingustic "reach out" repugnance will be unceremoniously trashed.
You have been warned.
Sorry we can't do business.