What a great thrill it must be for parents when their wee toddler -- previously restricted to various incoherent verbal expressions, nonsensical babbling, goo-goos and gah-gahs – finally is able to gaze purposefully at the world outside, harness the physical properties of speech, and utter a word.
In an unrelated development, this morning an admirer e-mailed NA Confidential the following bit of commentary.
We’d love to attribute the author, and to provide encouragement; the muscles used in thinking should become stronger with regular use apart from television watchin’, and soon you'll be using two-syllable words with ease.
Alas, in the grand tradition of Nawbanian cowardice, the author wishes to remain anonymous.
Here it is, unedited.
C.R.A.P. ---- Of New Albany
Each member of C.R.A.P. of New Albany has a secret superpower that will help them in ridding the City of New Albany of all of our problems.
Mayorman: This caped crusader's special weapon is "I don't know" which can spout 3rd-wave cyber-goop empowerment nonsense so fast it will make a taxpayer die of either boredom or laughter. The source of his extraordinary powers are secret book slush fund. His weakness is exposure on the blog..too much of this and he will self-destruct.
Randy Ranch-Dude: With his lightning-fast keyboard and his trusty equine companion Roger "Hip-O-Krit" Ranch-Due saddles up and rides whenever Mayorman C.R.A.P. calls. Quick to fight against the "Gang of Four" from the Evil Federals even as he suckles up to their generous butts, Randy Ranch-Dude leads the way.
Roger Slayer of Trees: This mighty superhero can smite acres of old-growth forest with one stupid swoop. His secret powers are the results of being dropped on his head as a boy. His arch-nemesis is Commander Bluegill of the Progressive Forces.
Greg Greenback: This superhero was one of the founding members of C.R.A.P. and can destroy entire communities with one sweep of his mighty pen. His strength comes from "Conflict of Interest" and his only point of weakness is his back pocket. Only a well-timed grab in this spot by one Taxpayer can defeat the great Greg Greenback.
Tim Commander Stupor: Known to his closest friends as Mayor's Boy. Commander Stupor is known for being a bold lap dog. He wants to trade in his day job to be come a full-time member of Mayorman and Roger "Hip-O-Krit" C.R.A.P. out to fight the Taxpayers wherever they may be. His secret weapon is his Stupor-Skeeter Ray Gun, which makes us all laugh..
Minister-Boy: Minister-Kroger Boy is the spiritual advisor to Mayorman C.R.A.P. but he also packs a mighty wallop of his own. Using magic powers beyond the pale of any mortal, Minister-Kroger Boy can directly talk to God and solve all of our City problems. As a powerful sorcerer, Minister-Kroger Boy then can cast spells on his many enemies,forcing them to worship him and believe as he wants them to.
This is the C.R.A.P. In New Albany.
But again, that's my opinion...