REWIND: Muh-muh-muh-my thesaurus (December 17, 2009).

In today's benumbed America, if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, just baffle them with a work ethic. Here's a News and Tribune column from 2009, once again topical in a time of bile and masks.

---

BEER MONEY: Muh-muh-muh-my thesaurus.

By ROGER BAYLOR
Local Columnist

Five years ago, I began publishing an Internet blog called NA Confidential. Given my meek proclivities for expressing typically understated, mild opinions, I found blogging to be a perfectly wonderful venue for self-expression.

Not unexpectedly, I also found that blogging inspires passionate reactions on the part of readers. In the five years since NAC’s founding, I’ve been amply exposed to the rough and tumble world of Internet discourse, much of which is only slightly less violent than YouTube videos of the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

Judging from the venom that oozes from the information superhighway’s more poorly maintained turn lanes, one might conclude that all of its denizens are terminally angry and innately maladjusted, but while it’s undeniable that ticking time bombs abound (look first for those who write entirely in capital letters), I believe the phenomenon is somewhat less than the sum of its parts.

That’s because so many of the enraged lifters of pudgy middle finger lifters opt to express their terminal anguish while masked, choosing the sheltering cowardice of anonymity instead of the integrity afforded by unflinching exposure to the light. In short, they give flights to malicious thoughts while hooded that they’d never, ever say to you while seated across the table.

Much like your brand new puppy, these anonymous character assassins simply haven’t yet been trained, but unfortunately, cute little Fideaux has a statistically better chance of being taught to refrain from soiling the carpet than his “mad as hell” human owner.

Nevertheless, I am able to appreciate finely crafted rebukes even when they seep from anonymous sources. One of my perennial favorites went straight for the liver:

“We acknowledge, of course, that (Roger's) skewed sense of self is most likely the result of the continuous consumption of his beverage of trade.”

Continuous?

I hardly resemble that remark, although the merits of practice still make for ultimate perfection, and three decades of continuing education in the world’s barrooms and beer emporiums have taught me that there are far worse states of human existence than those brought about by intoxication with alcohol.

After all, Adolf Hitler was pretty much the teetotaler, wasn’t he?

Be that as it may, when it came time to answer my camouflaged critic, I recalled Hitler’s arch-enemy, Winston Churchill, and his response to a woman who accused the bibulous British Prime Minster of being drunk.

“But I shall be sober in the morning and you, madam, will still be ugly.”

Here’s the genderless paraphrasing: I shall regain sobriety, but you will remain anonymous, a condition far more wretched than mere ugliness, because while ugliness denotes an appearance, anonymity is an alibi for disappearance.

As an aside, permit me to marvel at the quintessential Englishness of Churchill’s rejoinder. Indeed, from William Shakespeare through Samuel Johnson, and recalling “Lucky Jim” by Kingsley Amis as well as the ascendency of Dudley Moore’s drunken cinematic Arthur, our English cousins have an innate way of expressing themselves when it comes to alcohol.

Accordingly, Churchill summarized the entire topic of my “skewed sense of self” with a sentence I wish I’d written:

“I take a lot more out of drink that it takes out of me.”

Anonymously or otherwise, during 2009 some Tribune readers have berated Coach K (Steve Kozarovich) for his decision to place me atop this traditional newsprint soapbox, but as I noted in my very first column, Socrates is the one to blame.

In fact, most of his neighbors considered (Socrates) not only an annoyance, but a heretic, too, and if there’s anything to be gleaned from reading history, it’s that there’s always time enough for a priest to throw another heretic on the fire.


So goes the eternal tyranny of the majority, and yet thanks to Plato’s writings, we now recognize Socrates as a peerless moral and social critic. Appropriately, he has been honored by the tag of gadfly, a term for describing “people who upset the status quo by posing upsetting or novel questions, or just being an irritant.”

As gadfly, I’m not remotely worthy of comparison with the master, and yet I deeply appreciate the opportunity to write this column and to ply my favored hobby of poking sticks through the bars of the Open Air Museum’s numerous self-limiting cages.

The predictable venom duly generated by this sort of serial prodding, whether in the newspaper or on my blog, is both extremely funny, and also serves as definitive proof that the agitation is fully necessary.

Meanwhile, during the past year, amid a full slate of problems and unresolved difficulties, there has been slow and incremental progress in New Albany toward toppling that 800-lb gorilla still ensconced high atop the Elsby Building.

This petulant gorilla (I like to call him King Larry, not King Kong) symbolizes the city’s ingrained, ages-old defeatism, and the tendency of the city's own residents to insist, usually anonymously, that progress is impossible, and that there’s no choice except to squat, benumbed, in 19th-century alluvial mud as the calendar pages inexorably turn forward.

Pfui. I simply refuse to accept the bile and animus of the city’s frightened, discredited wannabeens, and in 2010, I suggest that you reject it, too.

If this constitutes an expression of raging, uncontrolled ego on my part – on all our parts – then so be it, because life’s simply too short to heed anonymous dispensers of insults, emanating from those who perpetually mistake their own feelings of inadequacy and discomfort for universal conditions. It’s time they became part of the solution, and that’s impossible without shedding their masks.

Needless to say, selective samplings of my “beverage of trade” will continue, for quality control purposes only. The higher the alcohol content, the longer the words.

Anonymous: "Frankly, Roger Baylor knows precious little about teachers or the union."

Forget for a moment the persistent dysfunction perpetuated by blogside anonymity; we've beaten that horse to death, and I'm bored with being proven right, again and again.

Rather, I'm more than happy this time to offer an anonymous critic a broader soapbox than that offered at Mrs. Baird's blog. While nameless, the broadside is well written and evidence of an ability exceeding that of the norm. I don't agree with the opinion stated, but competence should be rewarded every now and then, even when masked.

Speaking for myself: I'm up for beers (or coffee) and conversation any time, and I can't remember an occasion when I've turned down a request to chat about this or any other issue.

As an aside, many times lately it has been my wish that State Representative Ed Clere, with whom I'd gotten along perfectly well in the past, would have another such reasoned conversation with me about the imminent threat of bridge tolls (my particular hot button interest as a small businessman), but as hard as it is for my bedazzled, confused detractors to admit, the truth remains this:

Ed struck first, muzzled me, and suspended diplomatic relations -- not the other way around. I merely asked a question. His was a ham-fisted tactic that wasn't necessary, one surely calculated to create the rift that has emerged, but so it goes. Perhaps I'm being useful as a straw man. If so, I'm flattered beyond measure, although I'd settle for garden variety pain in the ass, any day.

We're all adults, and some times we're pawns in games far larger than our own mundane, everyday concerns. So it seems to be with a $4 billion bridges boondoggle. We're simply not supposed to resist, and not supposed to question our "betters" on this. However, in my world, when my "betters" won't answer questions, they've already discredited themselves.

My only obligation it to shine as much light in their eyes as I can muster -- openly, without subterfuge, sans aliases.

Verily, as it pertains to my erstwhile friend, it's never too late to start over again, both in politics and in life. Nixon went to China, after all. Lamentably, the Publican's breath is not being held, and the prospect of a long, grim Cold War makes me sadder than my exaggerated reputation suggests I'm capable of feeling. So much for press clippings.

The floor's yours, anonymous. My mother was a teacher for 30 years, and I know how difficult it can be.

---

Anonymous has left a new comment on the post ""POP' GO THE BAD GUYS":

Shirley, I'd like to thank you for your posts too. They are timely and include everything important to know.

I'd also like to thank you for allowing anonymous comments. Because you allow this, and because I know Roger Baylor reads this, I'm going to comment on HIS blog here.

I can't put my name down because I am a public school teacher and I belong to the union. I do not need people picking on me at school (not many would, but some people with the power would find some way to punish me). Also, I don't want my name to become associated with union matters. I teach students. They do not need to know how frustrating it is for me, personally, in my job. It is only helpful for them to know that teachers struggle with these things.

Roger Baylor rants about Ed Clere DAILY. I'm really sick of it. People point this out to me at work--teachers have been onto the union's and the Democrat party's efforts to claim that Ed Clere is against them. The union has softened on this, thank goodness.

Roger Baylor and his friend Jeff Gillenwater have not. They post the most caustic stuff about Ed Clere every day and many teachers are getting VERY angry about it. Frankly, Roger Baylor knows precious little about teachers or the union.

I am a public school teacher AND union member. For the record, neither I nor at least 40 or so of my colleagues that I've talked with about this have EVER heard Ed Clere say ANYTHING against the union. Not a single thing. And we've talked with Rep. Clere MANY times about a variety of issues.

Why am I saying this? Because of a message one of my fellow teachers sent me with a link to Baylor's blog. Here's what Jeff Gillenwater wrote:

"Though it's become commonplace for the likes of State Representative Ed Clere and State Education Superintendent Tony Bennett to blast teachers unions for exhibiting behavior strikingly similar to their own..."

In the first place, Ed Clere doesn't ever act like the union. In the second place, Ed Clere has NEVER, NOT ONCE blasted the union. Even when they treated him like trash.

We all knew that the only reason they supported Gibson is that Gibson knows practically nothing about education (I heard about the interview), and that they thought he'd be a "yes man" for what they want. That's all.

THIS is why we voted for Ed Clere. We KNOW he'll do whatever's right, even if it's painful sometimes, for the greater good. And it's about time someone did.

The friend who sent me that blog link was looking for a teacher brave enough to put name to paper and write to the Tribune. I'm afraid I cannot. But I wanted to say somewhere that we're sick and tired of reading Baylor's tirades against Ed Clere, a man who is no coward and who will do his best for the people whether it's the teachers union or any other issue.

This space available ...

... to all the "belt tighteners" who spent a good portion of yesterday assailing Mayor England for pointing out that the loss of revenue created by the proposed property tax plan would lead to spending cuts.

For all the knee-jerk "get used to it" reactions, not a single one of the critics in different forums offered even an inkling as to what they would cut, how their cuts would be better for the city than those mentioned by the mayor, or how they would replace the revenue lost if they haven't developed their own cost cutting plan and accompanying justifications.

They may or may not have thought about it. They certainly didn't write about it.

The magic number is $377,000. Now's their chance to shine.

Dante on acid? Or just too much of Ronnie Mac's coffee? You be the judge.

DICK STEWART has left a new comment on your post "How is it possible to vote three ways on one issue...":

ROGER,HAD A FUND RAISER THIS MORNING TO GET MAYOR OUT OF HIS TAX TROUBLE.GOT .10 CASH,A PLEDGE OF .25 IF HE RESIGNS AND A LOT OF F____HIM. WITH HIS NEED FOR CASH,THOUGHT YOU!!! AND FRIENDS COULD HAVE A FUND RAISER AND SELL SWILL FOR $50.00 PER PINT.WILL SEND MORE AFTER I SEE YOUR INSIGHTFULL RESPONSE. YOUR EJECTED BUDDY DICK STEWART

Posted by DICK STEWART to NA Confidential at 9:16 AM

----

Here’s the story to which our crazed horsefly refers.

For those just tuning in, it’s helpful to know that DICK STEWART, a candidate for city council in the 6th district, approaches these and many other pressing local issues from a squarely elemental, black & white (boy, DICK sure does have problems with colors), two-step perspective.

First, everything’s all about Mayor James Garner, and nothing else matters. Second, in those halcyon days of yore when I agreed with DICK STEWART as to the mayor’s performance, DICK STEWART thought I was the best thing since the lumpy mashed potatoes at South Side. DICK praised me. He fawned over me. My, how things have changed.

DICK’s been dogging me ever since I jilted him for a different perspective: It’s not just about the mayor, it’s about the mayor AND the council AND some hopelessly outdated ways of thinking on the part of a select group of the citizenry (DICK STEWART front and center among them) AND congenital failures that need correcting AND a number of other matters that taken as a whole comprise the New Albany Syndrome.

We at NAC have moved so far away from the Garnercentric view of reality, but as you can see from the above comment, Dick’s still in full-kindergarten, mayor-bashing mode, and he’s still resentful, stalking and prodding me because of the way that I rejected his simplistic world for the complex, nuance-driven land of factual adulthood.

So be it. Dick, I’m sorry, but I just had to move on. I’ll always remember those sweet nothings you warbled back in the beginning, when it was new and fresh for both of us. Nothing can take away the candlelit vigils outside the mayor’s home, egging his doorway and toilet-papering his ornamental bushes.

Please, Dick -- please -- just leave me with the memories. Good luck in your bid to thwart the future ... though I doubt you have much chance of winning.