Council wrap: Then Bob Caesar said, "Can't we just load the opioid addicts on the cattle cars along with public housing residents?"

I skipped last evening's city council meeting, so in piecing it together, let's take a quick look at the single most dreaded object in the 200-year history of New Albany ... the dastardly Gibsonian menace known as the dictionary.

Antediluvian

a : made, evolved, or developed a long time ago: an antediluvian automobile ... that antediluvian relic known as a slide rule

b : extremely primitive or outmoded an antediluvian prejudice ... antediluvian in his politics

With this in mind, consider Bob "that box of Bicentennial records you have doesn't even exist" Caesar's stubborn opposition to treatment for those suffering from drug abuse during this, an epidemic of opioid addiction throughout Southern Indiana, an uncontested fact that Caesar insists could not possibly include "his" New Albany, where upstanding establishmentarians like himself do all they can to make surfaces LOOK better, even if the spit and polish never comes close to addressing fundamental conditions, which people like Bob Caesar understand about as well as I speak Estonian.

And then there's Greg Phipps, forever the faux progressive, perfectly eager to come down on the side of Caesaresque propriety. Do we have an opponent yet? Time to begin the campaign, folks.

As a side note, the reporter Beilman tweeted that Dan Coffey filibustered city officials speaking time to indicate his support for Jeff Gahan's public housing demolitions, saying that we should scatter the poor, not warehouse them.

Of course, Coffey has the luxury of knowing that while the mayor's cattle car call would dismantle sections of concentrated public housing along Bono Road, the real prize -- his bailiwick of the elderly at Riverview Towers -- not only will escape unscathed, but is up for rehab.

Just guess who'll claim credit for THAT come 2019.

The Green Mouse also reports that while the city council attorney decision didn't make the newspaper, the choice was Amy Stein, which means that Coffey didn't get his way after three solid months of backroom machinations -- and the Wizard is said to be none too happy.

Is Coffey back outside the tent, pissing in? Only Mike Hall knows for sure, and in any case, a cash-stuffed envelope in exchange for auctioneer services should do the trick.

New Albany City Council enacts annual sewer rate increases, by Elizabeth Beilman (Hanson Does Omelettes And You Can Too)

First increase to come July at 3 percent

NEW ALBANY — Come July, New Albany residents should expect to see higher sewer bill charges.

SNIP

"I’ve had a lot of calls on this from a lot of different people, and they’re all extremely worried about this," Councilman Bob Caesar said. "I don’t know exactly where these may go, and I know we have a moratorium on [new clinics] right now. My question is instead of allowing them two places to go, I would almost rather fight this in court and not allow them any place to go ...

"I don’t know if that would help the matter or if that would hurt the matter."

City Attorney Shane Gibson said you can't outright ban a legal business.

Bipartisanship, Nawbany-style: Jeff, Adam and Pat sacrifice a fellow Democrat so Danny C. Trump can place a Republican as council attorney.

Earlier: Council Power Poll: Join us as Dan Coffey selects the next city council attorney.

Quoth the Green Mouse: "Consider this."

All 6th district councilman Scot Blair must do to see a Republican installed in the council attorney seat is vote with Dan Coffey and the three "real" sitting Republicans, and voila: Kristi Fox is right there, seated next to Coffey.

Scratching your head, you wonder if this is what the Three Democratic Stooges had in mind during the six weeks they spent chasing Matt Lorch around the council chamber with a rubber knife.

Slapstick Troika: "We have come here to remind Lorch that his future in the party requires being a good soldier and stepping aside, not to praise him."

Lorch: "I'm not dead yet."

ST: "Stop running around the room. This is for Gahan's your own good! Don't you want us to allow you run for judge again?"

It's funny how when Trump does it, local Democrats are outraged, but when they do it ... we're supposed to rise and salute.

Council Power Poll: Join us as Dan Coffey selects the next city council attorney.

Don't forget, because it's White Supremacist Night at Monday's meeting: Seize the gesture and read the city council's non-binding "Resolution Condemning the Promotion of Intolerance."

Having succeeded in deposing longtime city council attorney Matt Lorch at the behest of Guido Cappuccino, Team Gahan now turns to fixing a successor. The packet for tonight's meeting includes resumes from three potential candidates.

Steven S. Lohmeyer
Kristi L. Fox
Amy Rebecca Stein

Lohmeyer's CV runs to the length of a Tolstoy novel, including details about his distinguished local family's preferred brand of kitty litter and where they vacationed in 1986.

Fox practices law with her father, a noted local Republican, which will disqualify her from service until January 1, 2020, when Admiral Dickey will have run city Democrats aground as effectively as he has the ones in the county.

Stein practices law with her father, a noted local Democrat, and she appears to be the most left-leaning option (in the context of right-wing NA). This should prompt much spittle and bile on the part of Dan Coffey, who didn't knife Lorch in the back to be seen seated next to a liberal twice monthly.

In the absence of other candidates, my guess is Lohmeyer as prohibitive favorite, but don't take my word for it.

Ask Jeff Gahan what Dan Coffey thinks -- then flee the stench accordingly.

Gahan and Coffey Together Forever, Part 2: Ulrich out, Robison in as city council attorney (15 January 2009).

LAST: Gahan and Coffey Together Forever, Part 1: Gavel passed and triumphant Wizard on best behavior as council meets (6 January 2009).

The more things change, the more they stay the same: Having engineered the 2009 council presidency for Dan Coffey, Jeff Gahan joined Coffey in swapping city attorneys.

Relevant for 2017?

Coffey, undemocratic Democrats "win" as Lorch ousted from city council attorney position.

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Ulrich out, Robison in as city council attorney?

15 January 2009

WTF?

I didn't attend tonight's meeting, but Lloyd just phoned, and evidently Jerry Ulrich has been displaced as city council attorney by Stan Robison.

I'll let the Highwayman provide the rest of the story in due time, but he also says that during non-agenda item public speaking time, Robison and council president Dan "Wizard of Westside" Coffey took ex-kingpin Jeff Gahan's place in publicly urinating on the Constitution v.v. a request to consider redistricting.

Whooo-eee. Stay tuned for a fuller report.

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NEXT: Gahan and Coffey Together Forever, Part 3: What The F@#* Opie? Ya Ain't Seen Nothun Yet! (16 January 2009).

It's not enough. It's never enough. How much is enough? Can someone pass the salt?

Here's a wonderful headline followed by a masterful understatement.

New Albany masterplan must be funded to work, officials say; Drainage plan calls for $22.4 million in projects, by Daniel Suddeath (Tribune)

... But officials realize the city can’t afford to fund $22.4 million in projects within a few years, (Stantec project manager Steve) Hall continued.

How did the expected CFA self-immolations proceed, anyway?

Another gem, this one of the legal bagel/copperhead variety, comes packaged within Suddeath's account of the city council's shiny new 5-4 progressive majority, which held long enough to pass two 3rd readings at yesterday's special conclave. It seems that even though the council president and city clerk scrupulously obeyed the law as it governs placement of agenda items for such a gathering, it did not please the resident reptilian polymath:

New Albany council passes sewer loan; Full-time attorney, grant writer also OK’d by council

“It is the law, yes. But to me, it’s not enough,” (Dan) Coffey said.

That's a world classic quote, perhaps sufficiently profound to be printed on the front of the tickets required to visit the Open Air Museum.

Was Dan Coffey looking in a mirror when he said it?

Anything's possible at Confusion Central, and yet this account of persistent council shell games contains an absolute gem of a Coffey Quote:

“The only thing I can say is you’ve got to be kidding me. I just don’t understand it. There some members on this council that absolutely have their heads in the sand — that absolutely don’t know what’s going on.”

Priceless (if only we were).

What's your favorite Coffey quote? Use the comments, please attribute sources, and help us compile a data base for election year, 2011.

Full-time attorney back on New Albany City Council docket, by Daniel Suddeath (Tribune)

The New Albany City Council will be again asked to approve a full-time city attorney position after defeating a similar request in February.

But the job description has been tweaked, and one of the council members that voted against the February measure is sponsoring the new proposal.

City council's group temerity exercise scheduled for Monday, March 1.

Tomorrow's council agenda is light, with the money shot (if any) being delayed until the cameras roll on March 18: New Albany City Council to consider replacing trash lids, containers.

I have a work obligation on Monday night and will spare our timeservers an appearance, but I'll predict that electoral calculations and raw, primal fear of local teabaggers will be stoked by Dan Coffey's and Steve Price's customary self-serving, doom-saying caterwauling to strangle the trash lids at birth, and also to deny the body a full-time attorney.

The former matters little, and the latter might be helpful to a group forever ignorant of inconvenient legalities, but with Coffey volunteering to serve pro bono as legal bagel based on his having once watched a John Grisham movie part of the way through before falling asleep, it will be another easy cop-out for the variably principled.

Half of them want to be mayor. Made plans to leave town yet?

Meanwhile, a newly vigorous Tribune editorial board gives a light chiding to the current mayor: Sewer explanation should have come sooner.

I have a serious question: Do editorial boards at newspapers customarily include representation from the display advertising department and the business manager? No offense implied. I'm just curious. Here's what Wikipedia has to say:

At a newspaper, the editorial board usually consists of the editorial page editor, and editorial writers. Some newspapers include other personnel as well.
Editorial boards for magazines may include experts in the subject area that the magazine focuses on, and larger magazines may have several editorial boards grouped by subject. An executive editorial board may oversee these subject boards, and usually includes the executive editor and representatives from the subject focus boards.

Council Part Two: Price votes for an abatement, and is excommunicated by Grover Norquist.

Late note: Here's the Tribune coverage.

Once again, current council president Gonder has gone to a by-the-numbers interpretation of the council's rules of engagement, which means a different cadence than previously. The thought gives King Larry heartburn, and for that reason alone is justified.

(2) From official commission:

(a) Board of Public Works;

(b) Plan Commission; and

(c) Park Commission.

(3) From members of the public, including petitions and remonstrances.

1. Marlon Andres speaks about a tax abatement forthcoming. Coffey endorses whatever it is that Andres does, saying that they're job with good pay, which implies that Coffey would not be qualified to work there. Andres is the only agenda item speaker tonight.

(F) Introduction of ordinances in the following order:

(1) Appropriation ordinances;

(2) General ordinances;

(3) Zoning map ordinances; and

(4) Annexation ordinances.

(G) Ordinances on second reading, in the same order as in division (F) of this section;

(H) Reports of standing committees and third reading of ordinances to which the reports refer in the following order:

(1) Budget and Finance; (Gahan, Benedetti, Price)

(2) Rules; (Caesar, Gahan, Gonder)

Finally, we come to something.

G-10-02 Ordinance Establishing a Full-Time Common Council Attorney (Caesar)

Benedetti asks for all readings tonight.

Coffey says no, three won’t get past him because the information has been withheld for too long. Price agrees. He gets phone calls. “There’s no way, I’m in the mood to expanding government,” and ... now the great vowel movement begins -- times bad, no money, rein it in, throw in the towel, hunker down, give up ...

Caesar: “Real seriously,” a full-time attorney for this council is “just exactly what we need to prevent these things from happening.” A full-time man can stay on top of situations. “A great deal for the city.”

Zurschmiede: Money appropriated for a council attorney?

Caesar: Spent $21,000 last year. This would be for around $40,000 for a full-timer.

At some point in all this, it is asked if the position must be advertised. It does not. Throughout, they refer to a prospective hire as "he," and never "she." $40,000 isn't much, so what all this means is that they already know who they wish to hire and under what terms, and this isn't necessarily a bad thing, except that the secrecy totally contradicts Coffey's blathering about transparency at City Hall. Why not just tell us who'll take the job for that price?

Price doe stream of consciousness: “It all comes down to politics … it’s the same old SOS … you got to quit this spending … gotta rein it in … need Bobby Knight to come down here … people laugh at me ... he does a lot for free.”

Messer: “Council way behind the times … we need someone who can write the ordinance properly, and that’s the law.” Full time attorney does things right, removing challenges and taking it from the hands of the council members, who are in the position of doubting their own abilities to justify the hiring.

For some, that isn't hard.

Caesar: Lists a few past challenges, but is cut off halfway through.

Coffey: Logistics are a problem. There are ordinances we need now.

Gonder: But an attorney is not going to be the origin of ordinances. He would respond to the council’s needs and filter them according to the law. “We’ve had some that don’t square.” These issues are important, and expert legal representation can resolve it. Cost on an hourly basis between full and part time attorneys isn’t as much as it appears.

Price the talking parrot: “Politics! (squawk) Politics! (squawk)”

Coffey now seems willing to consider it, because he could (might) be able to bully the choice of attorney. It’s an intriguing idea. Copperhead shake, and all that.

It is decided that there’ll be no suspension, and there'll not be three readings.

1st reading:
Y – DC, BC, JGo, DB, JM, KZ
N – SP, PM,

2nd reading:
Same as above. Coffey wants to see the contract prior to the third reading. Gibson agrees this is possible. Price is deep in thought. You can tell because Coffey's lips are moving.

(3) Public Utilities and Transportation; (Gonder, Zurschmiede, Messer)

(4) Police Department; (Caesar, Price, Zurschmiede)

(5) Fire Department; (Coffey, Benedetti, Price)

(6) Public Safety and Traffic; (McLaughlin, Messer, Price)

Paydirt. The next two are about the city keeping the fine money from traffic tickets.

G-10-03 An Ordinance Amending Section 70.99 of the New Albany City Code (McLaughlin)

On the amended topic of moving violations.

3rd reading:
Y: DC, BC, SP, PM, DB, JM, KZ, JGo
Passes third reading.

G-10-04 An Ordinance Amending City Ordinance 71.21 (McLaughlin)

Traffic signals.

3rd reading:
Y: Unanimous
Passes third reading.

(7) Public Works; (Caesar, Coffey, Messer)

(8) Public Health and Welfare; (McLaughlin, Gahan, Gonder)

(9) Schools and Library; (Gahan, Coffey, Benedetti)

(10) Development and Annexation. (Messer, McLaughlin, Gonder)

(I) Special committees;

(J) Miscellaneous business;

Now comes the Andres resolution, identifed earlier as a tax abatement, which Price generally refers to as the giveaway of taxpayer dollars. But this one is approved by Coffey, who stands in awe of companies that would not hire him, so ...

R-10-04 A Resolution Concerning Statement of Benefits for Globe Mechanical, INC., By the Common Council of New Albany (Benedetti)

Unanimous, and Price votes to raise our taxes.

R-10-05 A Resolution Concerning Statement of Benefits for L & D Mail Masters, INC., By the Common Council of New Albany (Benedetti)

No one here from Mail Masters. Moved to next meeting. Tabled.

Now there is non-agenda discussion time.

Malysz returns to affirm the sanctity of February 8 as the 5:00 meeting date for City Hall and Council to confer over police and fire funding. He has spoken to the mayor. England comments on the disagreement over communications: Price did the right thing by going to Gibson. Do as Steve did, and go to Gibson, Garry, City Hall and not department heads.

Gonder to Benedetti: Does that address your concerns?

Benedetti: “Not really, but whatever.”

Charlie Main says wait -- that's my line.

Gonder comes close to adjourning, but Coffey's tail is wagging so furiously that it must wait.

The Wizard is sure there's something else to say ... and Jack Messer says it. Looks like the campaign is in full swing.

Messer: Has changed his mind about the veracity of the audit, so he joins Coffey in asking for an audit for the general fund. Since the “new news” came to light, sewers, too, should be audited.

Price (puzzled): “I don’t know what to ask for” when I go to the sewer board. “You need someone who knows.” Indicates that he's for an audit even if it costs money.

Two hits to the saintly taxpayer in one night from Price.

Coffey: “Jack, here’s the thing, if we pay for it, do we get to choose who does it?”

Gonder: “An issue for the attorney” to rule. Maybe an audit should wait until the attorney is hired.

Now Coffey says he would support three readings on the attorney issue from earlier in the vening, if it means hiring an attorney faster to commence an audit that tells Coffey what he wants to hear.

Now there emerges a consensus that the attorney is vital to pursue the audit … Coffey thinks the state audit people cover their own “butts” and that the council has to find its own person from Coffey's alma mater, Bazooka Joe U.

Caesar: The audit he’s considering is a different kind of audit.

Follies Auditere.

Coffey: “There is no place here for council members to talk.” Wants language inserted ito the agenda to give him more grandstanding time. Other eager to leave, so it is adjourned.