King Larry back on the catwalk: "How cycling shorts became the height of fashion."

Photo credit: GQ.

Yet again, I'm reminded of former council person Larry Kochert's enduring obsession with biking shorts.

Leotards

Skin-tight leg wraps that threaten the fragile masculinity of a former Gang of Four council stalwart; also called “tights,” as in, “Let’s all get tights, and vote in my garage for a change.”

Well, back then he was considered a stalwart Democrat (cue the laugh track) ... and I had the legs for it. Alas, while Strom Thurmond remains the King's pin-up boy, both my calves have declined.

But now, an exciting new twist to the tale of the councilman's leg fetish.

Once more, and hardly for the first time, we see that I was way ahead of the crowd when it comes to fashion.

Bum steer: how cycling shorts became the height of fashion (The Guardian)

The clothing item beloved by obsessive peddlers but much maligned by everyone else, has received a high-end makeover from Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid and Dior

Name: Black cycling shorts.

Appearance: Black cycling shorts.

What are they? Black cycling shorts.

Ah, yes. I think I’ve seen these. Are they the things I get stuck behind whenever I drive uphill on a sunny Saturday? That’s right. Cycling shorts are tight, stretchy leg coverings that stop above the knee and often contain the bottom, thighs and genitals of an obsessive peddler.

Oh, believe me, I can see exactly what they contain. I have to stare at them for hours while I wait to overtake. My sympathies ...

Leotards, brimstone and "How Amsterdam became the bicycle capital of the world."

Dan Coffey in Hell.

I'm reminded of former council person Larry Kochert's enduring obsession with biking shorts.

Leotards

Skin-tight leg wraps that threaten the fragile masculinity of a former Gang of Four council stalwart; also called “tights,” as in, “Let’s all get tights, and vote in my garage for a change.”

Well, back then I had the legs for it.

Turns out it's instructive even for the Dutch to be reminded that once upon a time, autocentrism almost won. The article is a must, and this comment highly instructive.

The prevalence of bicycle use in Amsterdam and the Netherlands more generally is a reason why I will never move back to the UK. It is only when you've experienced living in a city that is not dominated by the motorcar do you realise the immense impact it has on your quality of life. The UK now looks like a hellish, backwards, aggressive place full of people who have failed to realise that they've partly created the hell they're living in.

Couldn't have said it any better.

How Amsterdam became the bicycle capital of the world, by Renate van der Zee (The Guardian)

In the 1960s, Dutch cities were increasingly in thrall to motorists, with the car seen as the transport of the future. It took the intolerable toll of child traffic deaths – and fierce activism – to turn Amsterdam into the cycling nirvana of today

Anyone who has ever tried to make their way through the centre of Amsterdam in a car knows it: the city is owned by cyclists. They hurry in swarms through the streets, unbothered by traffic rules, taking precedence whenever they want, rendering motorists powerless by their sheer numbers.

Cyclists rule in Amsterdam and great pains have been taken to accommodate them: the city is equipped with an elaborate network of cycle-paths and lanes, so safe and comfortable that even toddlers and elderly people use bikes as the easiest mode of transport. It’s not only Amsterdam which boasts a network of cycle-paths, of course; you’ll find them in all Dutch cities.

The Dutch take this for granted; they even tend to believe these cycle-paths have existed since the beginning of time. But that is certainly not the case. There was a time, in the 1950s and 60s, when cyclists were under severe threat of being expelled from Dutch cities by the growing number of cars. Only thanks to fierce activism and a number of decisive events would Amsterdam succeed in becoming what it is, unquestionably, now: the bicycle capital of the world ...

SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Laggard, though not to omit straggler, loiterer, lingerer, dawdler, sluggard, snail, idler and loafer.

Welcome to another installment of SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS, a regular Wednesday feature at NA Confidential.

But why all these newfangled words?

Why not the old, familiar, comforting words, like the ones you're sure to hear when asking the city's corporate attorney why the answers to my FOIA/public records request for Bicentennial commission finances, due to be handed over on July 8, still haven't arrived on October 12?

Bicentennial commission financial trail? What's two (yawn) weeks (shrug) after 463 days?

October 12 update: Make that 14 weeks since the FOIA record request's due date and  546 days since I asked Bullet Bob Caesar to tell us how many coffee table books were left unsold, and how much the city's 200-year "summer of love" fest actually cost us.

It's because a healthy vocabulary isn't about intimidation through erudition. Rather, it's about selecting the right word and using it correctly, whatever one's pay grade or station in life.

Even these very same iniquitous, paving-bond-slush-engorged municipal corporate attorneys who customarily are handsomely remunerated to suppress information can benefit from this enlightening expansion of personal horizons, and really, as we contemplate what they knew and when they knew it, all we have left is plenty of time -- and the opportunity to learn something, if we're so inclined.

Today's word is laggard, including some of my favorite synonyms in the English language.

laggard

ˈlaɡərd/

noun

1. a person who makes slow progress and falls behind others: "there was no time for laggards"

synonyms: straggler, loiterer, lingerer, dawdler, sluggard, snail, idler, loafer

adjective

1. slower than desired or expected: "a bell to summon laggard children to school"

Here's another example in a sentence, from August 26, 2007.

Redistricting: Grudgingly coming soon to a laggard city near you.

For more than a year, the single most hypocritical game in a city widely known for its jaw-dropping talent at self-deception has been the irony-free ability of its tub-thumping “law and order” advocates to be magically transformed into defenders of flagrant illegality when the topic turned to the city council’s abysmal failure to heed pertinent statutes and to redistrict.

In other words, the failure of the council to simply do its job.

The council later reneged on its agreement, and can you guess who led the way in thumbing his nose at the court ruling?

Jeff Gahan, that's who. Is it any wonder his corporate attorney won't honor a simple FOIA request?

Five years ago: "For heaven's sake, give 'em some candy ... and maybe they'll leave us alone."

It's pre-council meeting artwork from Oct. 24, 2007. The era of the Gang of Four mercifully was coming to an end. Kochert (left) retired to his polling place, and Schmidt (right) had already been ousted in the primary. The ventriloquist's Price survived to lose in the primary in 2011, while Coffey remains in office to this day; he's made a great deal more sense lately.

City council meeting, October 3.

New Albany council approves $500K to aid Charlestown Road corridor, because if we don't do something fast, we're gonna lose the McDonald's -- and then where would King Larry drink coffee with his Republican buddies?

Photo credit: Fly on the wall.

Like Grandpa Jones always said, truth is stranger than fact.

Can words begin to describe "surreal" to this magnitude?

Whatever happened to the voting abacus in his garage?

I saw a creative variation on the "NO" yard sign today and snapped this photo ... damn, where'd that fly come from?

I'll go in for a close-up:

Marginalized, congenital obstructionists and an embittered wannabeen have their C-J day.

Group distributes signs opposing New Albany tax hikes, by Grace Schneider.

A group of New Albany residents has formed a committee to challenge what its leaders contend is a freewheeling tax-and-spend mentality in the city government ... Larry Kochert, a former council member, praised Denhart and the Martins, saying he also has become increasingly concerned about how little “backbone” is being shown by city leaders to rein in spending.

Denhart and others “are doing a good job,” Kochert said. “I wish I'd thought of it myself.”

Typically, Kochert didn't think of it, and that's the primary reason for a council career bereft of achievement.

New Albany's YMCA as metaphor: 3 + 1 = wannabeen.

On Friday, I posted a treatise on the nature and practice of shameless hypocrisy, as personified by former city councilman Larry Kochert. Here's a portrait of the con artist as a not-quite-housebroken old man.

Predictably, not unlike a knee-panted, snot-clogged child on the playground, Larry Kochert simply couldn’t resist stepping across the chalk line after being told that by doing so, he would emerge as a buffoon, and so there he was, giggling at his perceived rambunctiousness, approaching me not once, not twice, but three times to toss adolescent jibes – and in the process, well, emerging as a buffoon, and in the process proving the veracity of everything written about him in this space since we had the temerity to begin chronicling Kochert’s abject political futility at the dawn of his mercifully final term in orifice.

Earlier today, reader ecology warrior stirred the pot, observing:

I spoke to the source and he said it was 4 times he taunted you, not three.

Hmm. Perhaps I paused to gauge the size of the crowd and missed one of Kochert's outbreaks of flaccid faltulence. Since I make no firm claims to advanced mathematical aptitude, bear with me while I dope it out.

If, by his own admission, King Larry taunted me four times rather than three, does this mean that he is 25% more childish than previously thought?

Inquiring minds want to know. At least we can be sure that he remains 100% gone from the council, and for that the city breathes a huge sigh of relief.

Let’s take a look at the Gang of Four’s scorecard from last evening’s opening reception at the YMCA.

(If you’re a friend of The King, you may wish to turn to the funny pages.)

Wait a minute … on second thought, the former councilman is the funny pages, though only if unintentional bathos counts as humor. It certainly worked for George W. Bush.

The YMCA's coming, and the Gang of Four should be denied invitations to the party.

The senior editor of NAC says: "It took almost three years before that to convince the Gang of Four to endorse the check handed to the city by Caesar's (now Horseshoe) Foundation!"

I wonder if the Schmidts, arch-opponents of Scribner Place, will be there Thursday for the donor reception? King Larry? The Conjoined Councilmen (Coffey and Price)?

The Tribune should commission McGloshen to take their pictures if any of them dare to attend. Wretched councilmen are a New Albanian birthwrong, but bad actors?

Councilmen Dan Coffey and Steve Price didn’t crash the gate. Give Coffey full credit for avoiding flagrant hypocrisy, but Price is penalized for insisting in a Tribune story yesterday that he was never opposed to the YMCA:

“A lot of people said I was anti-YMCA, which was never the case.”

Price may not know the meaning of “revisionism” and “semantics,” but he knows how to indulge in verbal games featuring them. Deeds, not words, are the determining factor. Price wasn’t "anti-YMCA", mind you. He just objected to every conceivable funding mechanism to make the Y a reality, all in the name of a benumbed cultural purity that might be summarized as, “New Albany for the dunderheaded, now and always.”

Meanwhile, former council ward heeler Slippery Larry Kochert breezed into the reception just after the doors opened and immediately thanked NA Confidential’s senior editor for the impetus to attend. It turns out that The King reads, after all, even if it always seemed like his primal reaction to books would be to search frantically for a blazing fireplace.

Predictably, not unlike a knee-panted, snot-clogged child on the playground, Larry Kochert simply couldn’t resist stepping across the chalk line after being told that by doing so, he would emerge as a buffoon, and so there he was, giggling at his perceived rambunctiousness, approaching me not once, not twice, but three times to toss adolescent jibes – and in the process, well, emerging as a buffoon, and in the process proving the veracity of everything written about him in this space since we had the temerity to begin chronicling Kochert’s abject political futility at the dawn of his mercifully final term in orifice.

All this from a fellow who’s pushing seventy, and yet as undignified and hypocritical as Kochert can be on occasions like the Y’s party, one is obliged to concede his remarkable consistency in maintaining a certain impotence of accomplishment at all times and all places. Whether formerly seated in the council’s president chair unlashing venom against imagined county enemies or supporting the Republican candidate for his seat against a fellow Democrat, Kochert surely never relinquishes his persona as living, breathing personification of everything wrong with local politics.

In fact, coming to the Y to absorb even a slight measure of credit for something he played absolutely no part in achieving comes perilously close to summarizing Kochert’s ineffectual, self-aggrandizing “career” in local affairs. The senior editor is open to correction, but other than graciously offering to hold elections in his own garage, thus giving an appropriate banana republic sheen to the process, did Kochert ever accomplish anything of lasting merit during his multiple terms in office beyond articulating the unprincipled pique of same-aged know-nothings who got just enough of theirs to cease giving a damn whether anyone else might ever have the chance to get some of theirs?

Former councilman Bill Schmidt was there last night, too, and on the second of Kochert’s stroll-by tauntings, The King brought Schmidt along for the ride, perhaps in observance of the timeless dictum of, “Double your hypocrisy, double your fun.”

The latter smiled weakly and seemed confused by the charade. You’d think that would be enough to embarrass Kochert, but it wasn’t.

That’s the final nail in the Gang of Four’s pettiness-riddled coffin, don’t you think?

As choreographed after last month’s judicial smackdown ...

... Louisville’s smoking ban is back.

Smoking ban passed, at the Courier-Journal’s web site.

The Metro Council passed a revised smoking-ban ordinance 23-2. The new ban did not include any exemptions for separately ventilated smoking areas.

The mayor said he will sign the ordinance at 10 a.m. (Friday).

“Louisville has placed an exclamation point on the ‘No Smoking’ sign. This vote removes the haze of confusion and makes it clear that Louisville puts a priority on the health of all people," Mayor Jerry Abramson said in a statement issued after the vote.

The Louisville Metro and Wellness Department said enforcement of the ban will probably begin this weekend.

Which reminds me …

At the conclusion of Monday’s New Albany city council meeting, former councilman Larry Kochert’s smoking ordinance was quietly struck from the lengthy list of accumulated, tabled ordinances, where it had reposed in unceremonious limbo for so long that I can’t remember when it was first proposed.

In truth, not a soul on last year’s dysfunctional council besides Kochert cared to expend a farthing of political spare change on the matter, and even Da King himself abandoned the idea almost as fast as he broached it. That’s no surprise, because as phantasmagoric Kochertian legacies go, the smoking ban ordinance was right down the center of the plate, with much puffing, posturing and pontificating, followed by serial inaction and the eventual hushed dumping of the evidence at night alongside the street spam and litter by the side of the legislative goat path.

So, what are the prospects for the issue of a smoking ban returning to the city council’s agenda during the next four years? I don’t see a smoking ban advocate among the current group, do you?

Try looking at it as an "own goal" and it makes far more sense.

Yawn.

CAN KOCHERT SAVE HIS LEGACY WITH A "HAIL MARY" PASS ON REDISTRICTING?

What Blevins, Coffey, Price, Kochert, and Schmidt rejected in choosing to go to trial

In order to avoid any public confusion, the actual and final consent decree proposed in conjunction by the plaintiffs and a Council committee as a means to settle the current redistricting lawsuit is presented below, as offered to the Common Council of New Albany.

As you can see, the first page begins with the Council being asked to take responsibility for violating the right of citizens to equal representation as mandated by law.



The second page continues with language noting involvement in the lawsuit, specifying that the parties wish to settle it prior to trial, and expressing the desire to establish new districts to ensure that future elections are fair.

The next three numbered points are the conditions which, if agreed to by Council, would have settled the case and avoided having taxpayers foot the bill for the Council to defend a lawsuit, the facts of which Council President Larry Kochert doesn't even dispute.

Condition number one states that the Council will, sometime after January 1, 2008, establish an Advisory Committee on Redistricting made up of three at-large council members and three people chosen by the Council from a list provided by the plaintiffs. The committee's purpose would be to help explore options for lawful redistricting. Readers will note that the language in the agreement neither requires payment for committee members nor otherwise obligates this or future councils in any way. It's simply a mechanism to begin discussions and keep the process moving in a public manner.

Condition number two states that the Council will pay the plaintiffs' attorney's fees and expenses incurred thus far, as the Council had to be legally prodded to take seriously its public obligation after failing to do so since at least 2002. The proper amount would be determined by the court rather than the plaintiffs or defendants, again to ensure fairness.

Condition three states that, although the lawsuit would be settled, the court would maintain the authority to monitor the process, making certain that both plaintiffs and defendants follow through on the agreement in a legal manner.

The signature section begins after that and continues on the third page.





The gist of it is this: In the interest of reaching settlement and avoiding the unnecessary expenditure of additional public funds, the plaintiffs worked in good faith with a council committee to remove language from prior settlement drafts reported as objectionable to a majority of council members.

We produced a bare bones document that as simply as possible required three essential items:

That the Council be accountable for its wrongdoing; that the Council pay for the expenses incurred in addressing its ongoing refusal to correct that wrongdoing; and that the Council agree to start a legitimate discussion about creating fair voting districts.

Plaintiff Lloyd Wimp made it very clear during the meeting that the above was the final of several settlement offers. But, rather than agreeing with the plaintiffs to honor one of the most basic of civic principles-- a belief in fair and equal representation-- Council Members Donnie Blevins, Dan Coffey, Larry Kochert, Steve Price, and Bill Schmidt chose to defend a lawsuit at taxpayer expense. What they're defending remains to be determined.

Are you in favor of the rule of law? Hypocritical, contemptuous city council “has-beens” think you’re a “wannabe.”

In Saturday’s Tribune, city council president Larry Kochert revealed his latest lame/same strategy for coping with the pressure that accompanies his uncomfortable position as one of nine legislators whose stubborn unwillingness to perform the statutory duty of redistricting – an abiding failure that has dragged on for more than five years through two council terms – has led predictably, and directly, and inevitably, to potential intervention by the Federal government at the behest of litigants.

Kochert’s patented and increasingly tiresome “fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly” reaction is to shirk responsibility for years of indolent sloth, to shift the blame to those who are in favor of rule of law, to talk ludicrous smack about the rule of law costing far too much than we can afford, and to toss out a half-baked, kitchen-table redistricting proposal in the faint hope that it passes muster with the Feds.

The proposal will move ahead, Kochert said. Now that a hearing has taken place, the council will publicly discuss the map in upcoming council meetings before any vote is taken.

Kochert said it was the charge of the City Council to draw the map, not a panel of residents.

“They’re wannabes,” Kochert said. “They want to be leaders of the community. The law says the council does the redistricting” …

… Redistricting is mandated every 10 years, two years after each federal census. Though the council redistricted in 1992, it failed to do so in 2002, when two such proposals lacked support.

The last sentence is the one that really matters, isn't it?

Amid the self-serving and spiteful blather from the council’s Keystone Kommissars, it’s worth remembering that the message to the city council as provided by a magistrate during the pre-trial hearing was quite simple.

1. It is a matter of fact that the council has erred, and the council will lose if a trial occurs.

2. To avoid ignominy and great expense, the council must do its job as mandated under law.

3. To avoid ignominy and great expense, the council must do its job correctly, also as mandated under law.

Kochert’s own words speak volumes. I interpret them as: "It's my job, by God, and now that I have no choice, I'll do it as quickly and sloppily as possible because in New Albany, slipshod is job one!"

Thanks. As a plaintiff, I’ll speak only for myself.

Larry Kochert is as blatant and shameless a hypocrite as New Albany has seen in almost two centuries of its existence, and given the venality and ignorance that has gripped the city for so much of its history, that’s saying something -- and it isn't hopeful.

For Kochert, who has served on two successive councils, neither of which did its statutory duty to redistrict until being forced to do so at the point of an edict, now to thump his chest and proclaim, “The law says the council does the redistricting,” is more than just hypocritical. It is breathtakingly arrogant, and sadly indicative of the old (and older) school’s unwillingness to turn calendar pages for fear of admitting that its shelf life has long since expired.

So, is it true? Are the plaintiffs “wannabes?”

Well, I wannabe living in a city where it isn’t necessary to file a lawsuit to convince an elected official to do his statutory duty, and to do it correctly.

I wannabe living in a city where the process of redistricting, which is essential to any concept of fair and equal representation, is carried out publicly, openly, and at a time when ordinary people can make themselves heard.

I wannabe living in a city where fairness and equality of representation aren’t held hostage by the fear and blindness of one solitary councilman, in this case, Dan Coffey, whose ongoing jihad against modernity is compelling him to draw a line in the redistricting sand, and which if the line held, almost certainly will fulfill the gloom and doom prophecy of great monetary expense – all for the sole purpose of preserving Coffey’s antediluvian fiefdom from the taint of progress.

I wannabe living in a city where Kochert’s bluff and obfuscation are seen not as some cartoon-panel stand on behalf of democracy -- Slippery Man to the rescue against those damned pesky pergessives -- but rather a transparently contemptuous assault against democratic principles, as embodied by his open contempt for anyone who might seek to become a part of the democratic process without his explicit approval, as extended by the King from his throne in the garage where he used to conduct elections in a fashion that would have embarrassed the junta in Burma.

I wannabe living in a city that grasps how far removed Larry Kochert’s patriarchal and parochial vision of limited citizen participation is from the sort that genuinely prefaces growth, progress and self-realization, and that Kochert’s version, far from being a prescription for evolution, instead is a dire diagnosis of the extent to which devolution and accompanying low common standards have been permitted to erode whatever skills New Albany’s ruling class once possessed.

Yes, and I wannabe living in a 21st-century city, not a 19th-century city. The great redistricting debate of 2007 is not about preserving the feudal privileges of people my age and older, a group that includes most of New Albany’s governing caste and all of the good old boys who populate it.

Rather, it’s about a large number of children that I barely know, and about what sort of city will be there for them when they come of age. The Kocherts, Coffeys and Schmidts of this city seem to think that they're somehow protecting future generations from progress, when in fact, they're achieving nothing other than dooming future generations to the conditions now prevalent in the rental property shantytowns of Harrisonapolis and Gregoryville.

Absolutely: I wannabe living in a city with a future vision. That's why all of us, not just a cadre of elected officials, are charged with civic participation. That's why we'll continue to participate.

Meanwhile, the council's Gang of Four has no future vision, on redistricting or anything else.

Case closed.

Hey, dude -- that's more than one oversized item for the weekly trash pick-up, all right?

Unless, of course, they're really meant for the recycling bin, to be reduced to wood pulp and reconstituted as the cute little umbrellas that the Shirley Temples served at area watering holes have ... or perhaps reused as copier paper for the long awaited sewer budget.

A sewer runs through it.

Yesterday afternoon, NAC’s Bluegill previewed the evening’s city council meeting, and while doing so asked a few pertinent hypotheticals.

Speaking of Slippery Larry, one wonders if he'll again conveniently forget his own long tenure on the sewer board and try to pin any accounting deficiencies on the Mayor, or if he'll suddenly spin his head and allow us the joy of watching him grimace as he owns up to actually agreeing with Garner.

Actually, CM Kochert was far too busy committing the most fundamental of substitute teaching errors, which is making an exception to classroom rules for one student, and then being forced to explain to others why preferential treatment was merited.

This rather hilariously led to a spanking new, tower-of-quivering-jello Kochert Dictum: Ya wanna talk during the meeting? So go out in the hall, already.

In turn, this fresh interpretation of Kochert’s increasingly obvious unwillingness to fairly run a council meeting meant that having declined to bounce the initial citizen peanut gallery violators (the odd couple Glimmer Twins, Bolovschak and Denhart), Kochert couldn’t quite summon the nerve to send others (my better half meritoriously included) to the penalty box.

Only Larry knows for sure and, in the absence of a crowd to play to, he probably hasn't decided yet … And what of at-large CM Kevin Zurschmiede? Having vociferously opposed paving appropriations without full documentation of the street department's intentions during early discussions, will he hold himself to the same standard as a sewer board member or give up the grandstand now that the Republican party no longer needs to concern themselves with Garner as a candidate?

I’ll leave it to others to fully document CM Jeff Gahan’s search for a sewer utility budget, and whether the financial information proffered the council last evening qualifies as such. It is interesting to note that both Zurschmiede and Kochert, dual council and sewer board members, publicly took the position that the sewer utility simply cannot ever be held to the same standards of budgetary accountability as other city departments.

Will 3rd district CM Steve Price involuntarily vote no on the measure before realizing its purpose is to withhold funds?

In the end, CM Gahan tabled it to further study the sewer board financials, so we don’t know what was or wasn’t happening between the ears of the 3rd district’s “37% Solution.” Later, Price’s continued inability (or more likely, unwillingness) to fathom how decades of “nickel and dime” tactics by politicians remarkably similar to himself have managed to produce the deterioration that has directly led to the current sewer rate reminded viewers that you can lead a quasi-Democrat to knowledge … well, you know the rest.

What are the chances that mayoral candidate Doug England's name comes up in the discussion?

It did, at least twice. But Guido already had left the room by then.

----

In closing, I invite readers to contemplate the nature of the grandstand, which an on-line dictionary defines as:

“To conduct oneself or perform showily or ostentatiously in an attempt to impress onlookers: The senator doesn't hesitate to grandstand if it makes her point.”

Last evening Ms. Valla Ann Bolovschak took advantage of public speaking time to address items not specifically on the council’s agenda (the 2006 state audit report for New Albany). This is prohibited by the council president’s own rules, which he once used to chase an African-American minister from the rostrum.

However, the council president permitted it.

She was introduced by the council president by her chosen forename appellation of Valla Ann, presumably because he cannot pronounce her surname, although others generally are paid the courtesy of Mr., Mrs. or Ms.

Indeed, branding is an important facet of all marketing campaigns. She used 15 minutes when five is the stated limit.

Looking thoroughly powerless, the council president permitted it.

Returning to her seat, she joined with the academic poseur Denhart in audibly clucking throughout city controller Kay Garry’s reasonable point-by-point explanations of the items not on the agenda that Ms. Bolovschak used too much time to present to a council that already had access to the information in the audit.

As murmurings of discomfort began spreading through the room, the council president finally was moved to issue a half-hearted warning, which later became his equally flaccid “out in the hall” directive -- which he tepidly declined to enforce.

Now, make no mistake. The author does not pretend to be blameless when it comes to outbursts during council.

But mine are not politically premeditated theatrical performances, designed to disrupt and muddy, and unfortunately abetted by a council president who both implicitly and explicitly endorses the notion that rules are to be applied differently depending on his bias and whim.

That’s the very root of the problem in New Albany, Larry. I asked you before, and it's again important: Do you intend to run a meeting fairly at any point this year?

Lame ducks ponder sewer refuge, the Council meets tonight

Actually, it's non-lame duck 6th district Council Member Jeff Gahan, who ran unopposed in the Democratic primary, who's taking a lead role role this evening, introducing a resolution to suspend sewer appropriations until the utility produces a budget for council review, thereby fulfilling what he feels is its legal obligation to do so.

It'll be interesting to see if any of the members who support Gahan's stance realize the irony of the law and order routine coming from a Council that's yet to adequately address its own and the city's legal shortcomings.

The Council continues to operate in violation of election law in their refusal to take responsibility for the mandated redrawing of their districts, Council President Larry Kochert is presumably on tape admitting to illegal primary shenanigans, and the slumlords are all sleeping soundly.

Speaking of Slippery Larry, one wonders if he'll again conveniently forget his own long tenure on the sewer board and try to pin any accounting deficiencies on the Mayor, or if he'll suddenly spin his head and allow us the joy of watching him grimace as he owns up to actually agreeing with Garner.

Only Larry knows for sure and, in the absence of a crowd to play to, he probably hasn't decided yet.

And what of at-large CM Kevin Zurschmiede? Having vociferously opposed paving appropriations without full documentation of the street department's intentions during early discussions, will he hold himself to the same standard as a sewer board member or give up the grandstand now that the Republican party no longer needs to concern themselves with Garner as a candidate?

Will 3rd district CM Steve Price involuntarily vote no on the measure before realizing its purpose is to withhold funds?

What are the chances that mayoral candidate Doug England's name comes up in the discussion?

Eric Scott Campbell provides pre-meeting Tribune coverage here.

Meeting agenda and materials from City Clerk Marcey Wisman.

Notice also that MArcey's updated her site with council member voting records.

CM Kochert declares intention of continued hubris in Tribune article; "Reign of Error" in 4th to be compounded?

You may have been led to believe that today is Mother’s Day, but apparently the greeting card industry erred, and we’re actually experiencing April Kochert’s Day. You simply must read this article in its entirety to believe it:

Calculating the Kochert factor, by Eric Scott Campbell (New Albany Tribune).

If (Democratic 4th district council nominee Pat) McLaughlin explains his platform and (current occupant Larry) Kochert finds it appealing, the councilman said he won’t enter the race. But if Kochert finds McLaughlin’s stances lacking or the newcomer doesn’t approach him at all, chances are “very high” that Kochert will launch an independent bid, he said.

“I’ll see if he comes and talks to me. If he doesn’t come, then I assume he feels he’s a shoo-in and doesn’t need any help,” Kochert said. “If he’s going after the issues, there’ll be no need [to run] ... He’s got to have something besides rhetoric.”

As if Kochert’s caterwauling, ward-heeling and underachieving tenure on the council haven’t been enough reason for change in the 4th district, the declining precinct boss now demands substance over rhetoric, when he's been completely unable to provide it for 23 years -- and what's more, threatens an insurgency that would most benefit the Republican challenger if not in receipt of sufficient buffing, polishing and all-around homage.

I chose the word "hubris" to describe Slippery Larry's most noticeable political quality, although now it appears to be understatement of criminal proportion on my part. It makes you wonder how reporter Campbell kept a straight face during the interview, but kudos to Democratic Party Chairman Randy Stumler for this statement of party principle:

“If he’s considering running as an independent outside of the Democratic Party, I assume he’s resigning from the Democratic Party,” Stumler said. “I don’t know what other assumption I could possibly make. If he had questions about Pat McLaughlin, he should have asked those questions in February.”

Powerful stuff, Randy.

NAC’s Primary Primer: 2nd and 4th council district (D) endorsements.

The year 2007 is shaping up as pivotal for the city of New Albany, and not coincidentally, a primary election comes to us on Tuesday, May 8, 2007. NAC is considering the five contested city council races in the Democratic Party primary and the wild three-way Democratic mayor’s race.

The format will be consistent throughout, continuing here with the 2nd and 4th council districts.

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Council - (D) 2nd District

The New Albanian (NA):
Tired of the same old Schmidt? The incumbent’s campaign literature predictably touts him as the man “who listens to the citizens,” but something about that phrase always reminds me of the Twilight Zone story about the visiting aliens and their book, the tome with the “seemingly innocuous title of ‘To Serve Man.’”

While listening is important, leading sometimes requires independent thought – and this has not been in evidence, at least lately.

(NA) - Endorsement:
Challenger Bob Caesar’s relative youth, retail experience, longtime involvement with New Albany’s downtown business district and impeccable service credentials add up to ample qualifications to serve on the city council. I suspect that Caesar will rely far less on the esoteric numerology practiced by the incumbent, and seek a slightly more comprehensive development strategy than “Not In My Back Yard.” As David Brain once wrote, "NIMBY reactionaries don't stop change in the long run. They simply help to insure that it happens in the worst possible way." That's the Schmidt legacy.

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Bluegill (BG):

Bob Caesar has built and maintained a downtown business for over thirty years during the proverbial worst of times. When most everyone else left, he stayed and thrived. As an entrepreneur and survivor, he's a seminal root of the tree that's now branching. Simply put, he's earned my respect.

While Schmidt has spent the past few years in a fog of imaginary lists and figures, Caesar has produced, with hard numbers in real time. As a young, at least semi-ambitious person in the city, I'd readily seek Caesar's counsel concerning business in New Albany. If I wanted to know what Schmidt's wife thought, I'd just ask her and spare myself the probably confused translation of the incumbent.

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Council - (D) 4th District

The New Albanian (NA):
Although he competently played the title role in a revival of "Hamlet" with his anguished decision not to seek re-election as a Democrat, the infamously ward-heeling incumbent Larry Kochert continues to cast a spectral, malign influence over the 4th district, which he obviously regards as something of a personal fiefdom. Kochert has emitted shifting signals of support for Roger Hefler (apparently the King’s preferred successor), boastful threats to run himself as an independent, and pious vows to support the unopposed Republican, David Aebersold – just about anything to keep up in lights a political name brand that increasingly has come to symbolize futility and impotence of an unprecedented magnitude, even by the benighted and reactionary standards of New Mayberry.

(NA) - Endorsement:
In 2003, challenger Pat McLaughlin came within 30 votes of unseating Kochert. McLaughlin is intelligent, earnest and capable of independent thought. He deserves the nomination in 2007. Apologies to Pat for forgetting to snap a photo of one of his signs.

Bluegill (BG):

4th Aside from the acumen highlighted by the New Albanian, Pat McLaughlin is funny on purpose.

The Wizard of Westside and his self-imposed stormwater information imbroglio.

THE COMMON COUNCIL OF THE CITY OF NEW ALBANY, INDIANA HELD A MEETING IN THE CITY/COUNTY BUILDING ON MONDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2007.

APPOINTMENTS:
(a) Drainage Board (Council Liaison) ... Mr. Kochert stated that he is appointing Mr. Coffey to act as the council liaison to the drainage board.

Having spent vast portions of the preceding 40 months bemoaning a multi-faceted conspiracy that always prevents the “right information” from falling into their eager hands, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the current council president and his longtime associate in gleeful obstructionism would themselves be plotting revenge … but surely not scheming to avoid the stormwater information so readily proffered?

Verily, Slippery and the Wizard work in mysterious ways.

We’re told that Lame Duck Larry stands by his appointment even if the liaison himself continues to insist that absence makes the landscape drain more fondly. And why not? After all, when one’s governing philosophy involves the infinite repetition of the same act in the hope that someday the outcome will be different, little is to be expected -- or gained.

Consider that following much opening night fanfare, the council’s smoking ban committee has all the appearance of being moribund, and tabled ordinances tower higher than the four columns on the front of the City-County Building, awaiting more resolutions calling for full investigations, criminal prosecutions and various other trog fodder and delaying tactics.

I imagine that in the end, helping your bilious pals to plant illegal political campaign yard signs is tiring work for community “leaders.”

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From the Tribune: LETTERS: April 8, 2007.

Deatrick: What’s wrong with Coffey?

On behalf of the board of directors of the New Albany Stormwater Board, I wish to convey our appreciation to Councilman Jeff Gahan for initiating the release of the city council drainage fund to the New Albany Stormwater utility. I also wish to thank the six councilmen who voted to transfer the $54,000 to the utility and solve a prioritized list of identified drainage problems that have been brought to our attention from concerned citizens over the last five months of the Board’s operation.

Those councilmen are Jeff Gahan, Steve Price, Beverly Crump, Jack Messer, Kevin Zurschmiede and Bill Schmidt.

Unfortunately Council President Larry Kochert, whose project on Silver Street was identified as the highest priority, and city council liaison to the stormwater board, Dan Coffey, who has two identified projects in his district, both voted against this initiative.

What is most disheartening to me as board president are the actions of Mr. Coffey. As city council liaison, Mr. Coffey has not attended one board meeting since his appointment by the council to represent the council’s interests and work with the stormwater board. Instead he criticizes the choice we have made of management, EMC and in October at a stormwater board meeting states that we should ask for the drainage fund. Why the flip-flop of position, Mr. Coffey?

Since we have contracted with EMS, our operation has turned itself around and implemented scheduled preventive maintenance and been able to ascertain the true nature of the drainage problems and the capital improvement needs that this drainage fund will begin to address.

At least wisdom from the city council prevailed on this occasion and the citizens of New Albany will benefit rather than suffer from the politics that were obviously being played by Mr. Coffey and Mr. Kochert.

— Tim Deatrick, President - New Albany Stormwater Board

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For an analysis of CM Coffey's response, consult the Highwayman: Finally- A Word From the Coffey House.