Five years ago: "For heaven's sake, give 'em some candy ... and maybe they'll leave us alone."

It's pre-council meeting artwork from Oct. 24, 2007. The era of the Gang of Four mercifully was coming to an end. Kochert (left) retired to his polling place, and Schmidt (right) had already been ousted in the primary. The ventriloquist's Price survived to lose in the primary in 2011, while Coffey remains in office to this day; he's made a great deal more sense lately.

Let’s take a look at the Gang of Four’s scorecard from last evening’s opening reception at the YMCA.

(If you’re a friend of The King, you may wish to turn to the funny pages.)

Wait a minute … on second thought, the former councilman is the funny pages, though only if unintentional bathos counts as humor. It certainly worked for George W. Bush.

The YMCA's coming, and the Gang of Four should be denied invitations to the party.

The senior editor of NAC says: "It took almost three years before that to convince the Gang of Four to endorse the check handed to the city by Caesar's (now Horseshoe) Foundation!"

I wonder if the Schmidts, arch-opponents of Scribner Place, will be there Thursday for the donor reception? King Larry? The Conjoined Councilmen (Coffey and Price)?

The Tribune should commission McGloshen to take their pictures if any of them dare to attend. Wretched councilmen are a New Albanian birthwrong, but bad actors?

Councilmen Dan Coffey and Steve Price didn’t crash the gate. Give Coffey full credit for avoiding flagrant hypocrisy, but Price is penalized for insisting in a Tribune story yesterday that he was never opposed to the YMCA:

“A lot of people said I was anti-YMCA, which was never the case.”

Price may not know the meaning of “revisionism” and “semantics,” but he knows how to indulge in verbal games featuring them. Deeds, not words, are the determining factor. Price wasn’t "anti-YMCA", mind you. He just objected to every conceivable funding mechanism to make the Y a reality, all in the name of a benumbed cultural purity that might be summarized as, “New Albany for the dunderheaded, now and always.”

Meanwhile, former council ward heeler Slippery Larry Kochert breezed into the reception just after the doors opened and immediately thanked NA Confidential’s senior editor for the impetus to attend. It turns out that The King reads, after all, even if it always seemed like his primal reaction to books would be to search frantically for a blazing fireplace.

Predictably, not unlike a knee-panted, snot-clogged child on the playground, Larry Kochert simply couldn’t resist stepping across the chalk line after being told that by doing so, he would emerge as a buffoon, and so there he was, giggling at his perceived rambunctiousness, approaching me not once, not twice, but three times to toss adolescent jibes – and in the process, well, emerging as a buffoon, and in the process proving the veracity of everything written about him in this space since we had the temerity to begin chronicling Kochert’s abject political futility at the dawn of his mercifully final term in orifice.

All this from a fellow who’s pushing seventy, and yet as undignified and hypocritical as Kochert can be on occasions like the Y’s party, one is obliged to concede his remarkable consistency in maintaining a certain impotence of accomplishment at all times and all places. Whether formerly seated in the council’s president chair unlashing venom against imagined county enemies or supporting the Republican candidate for his seat against a fellow Democrat, Kochert surely never relinquishes his persona as living, breathing personification of everything wrong with local politics.

In fact, coming to the Y to absorb even a slight measure of credit for something he played absolutely no part in achieving comes perilously close to summarizing Kochert’s ineffectual, self-aggrandizing “career” in local affairs. The senior editor is open to correction, but other than graciously offering to hold elections in his own garage, thus giving an appropriate banana republic sheen to the process, did Kochert ever accomplish anything of lasting merit during his multiple terms in office beyond articulating the unprincipled pique of same-aged know-nothings who got just enough of theirs to cease giving a damn whether anyone else might ever have the chance to get some of theirs?

Former councilman Bill Schmidt was there last night, too, and on the second of Kochert’s stroll-by tauntings, The King brought Schmidt along for the ride, perhaps in observance of the timeless dictum of, “Double your hypocrisy, double your fun.”

The latter smiled weakly and seemed confused by the charade. You’d think that would be enough to embarrass Kochert, but it wasn’t.

That’s the final nail in the Gang of Four’s pettiness-riddled coffin, don’t you think?

The YMCA's coming, and the Gang of Four should be denied invitations to the party.

Steve Kozarovich of the Tribune sent this link to Kevin McGloshen’s "slideshow timeline" of Scribner Place construction as the YMCA gets set to open its doors this Saturday. It's also on the marquee at the newspaper's website.

Scribner Place slideshow

The publisher writes: "It took nearly two years to complete!"

The senior editor of NAC says: "It took almost three years before that to convince the Gang of Four to endorse the check handed to the city by Caesar's (now Horseshoe) Foundation!"

I wonder if the Schmidts, arch-opponents of Scribner Place, will be there Thursday for the donor reception? King Larry? The Conjoined Councilmen (Coffey and Price)?

The Tribune should commission McGloshen to take their pictures if any of them dare to attend. Wretched councilmen are a New Albanian birthwrong, but bad actors?

We can do without them, can't we?

Shouldn't we?

Gang of Four finale today; debarkation at 4; scalpers now paying passers-by to attend.

The C-J’s Dick Kaukas sets the table for today’s special city council meeting.

New election districts up for vote; New Albany issue on today's agenda

Despite a federal judge's concern about population differences, the New Albany City Council will consider taking final action today on an ordinance to redraw its six voting districts.

With the gathering slated for 4:00 p.m., it’s a safe bet that few if any of our regular blog reporters will be making an appearance. Jobs and duties, you know, but that won’t stop us from offering a final tribute to the dispersing Gang of Four. Take it away, World Party ... and for heaven's sake, someone get that gavel back from King Larry.

We're setting sail
To the place on the map from which no one has ever returned
Torn by the promise of the joker and the fool
By the light of the crosses that bur-urn
Torn by the promise of the women and the lace
And the gold and the cotton and pearls
It's the place where they keep all the darkness you meet
You sail away from the light of the world

Listen baby - you will pay tomorrow
You're gonna pay tomorrow-ow-ow
You will pay tomorrow-ow-ow-ow-wow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow

Save me, save me from tomor-orrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of foo-ools, no no
Oh-oh-oh, save me, save me from tomor-orrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of foo-ools, no no
I want to run and hide
Right now - ri-ight now-ow yeah-eah-eah

Avarice and greed are gonna drive you over the endless sea
They will leave you-ou drifting in the shallows
Drowning in the oceans of history-y-y-y
Travellin' the world, you're in search of no good
But I'm sure you're philosophic like I knew you would
Using all the good people for your gallant slaves
As your little boat struggles through the the warning waves

But you will pay, you will pay tomorrow
You're gonna pay tomorrow-ow-ow
You gonna pay tomorrow-ow-ow-ow-wow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow

Save me-ee, save me from tomor-orrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of foo-ools, no no no no
Oh-oh-oh, save me-ee, save me from tomor-orrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of foo-ools, no no no no

Where's it comin' fro-om or where's it goin' to?
It's just a - it's just a ship of foo-oo-oo-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ools

Yeah, oh Lord

(Lyrics from “Ship of Fools,” 1987)

Just press “flush”: The end of an error for the wannabeens.

Verily, we’re counting down to the final gun … and what a doozy of a two-minute drill it’s shaping up to be.

The beer may actually have to wait until tonight's city council meeting is over, lest we dull our senses to the full extent of the spectacle.

And so, although he can’t be with us tonight, we turn now to the Highwayman for an appropriately irreverent overview of the impending festivities.

----

Batten down the hatches, sound battle stations, load all torpedo tubes and remove all safeties! The boyz in the band have a full plate on their agenda for the final act of King Larry's reign.

Here is a brief sampling of Thursday's offerings (NAC’s thoughts in red):

R-07-44 *Funding for One Southern Indiana - CM Gahan

See yesterday’s posting: Will the city of New Albany help 1SI pay for the placards at ROCK's next religious rally?

R-07-45 *Funding for Haven House - CM Zurschmeide

Given that management difficulties have plagued Haven House in 2007, this ordinance is an open invitation for demagoguery from the Gang of Four, even if Haven House remains virtually the only Southern Indiana organization willing to acknowledge (and help) New Albany’s homeless.

G-07-18 *Assassination attempt on the New Albany Housing Authority - CM Coffey

G-07-18 *Sewer Board restructuring - CM Coffey

Councilman Cappuccino, whose behavior since the November election has been likened to a feral canine pawing the dump for scraps, needs a new power base, hence his recent nuzzling of New Albany’s FOP. Meanwhile, even a stopped clock is right twice a day, and incoming councilman John Gonder thinks Coffey may not be wrong when it comes to the composition of the sewer board.

Z-07-22 * Approval for the latest McCartin greenfield development plan - CM Zurschmeide

You can be sure The Gary is marching in lockstep with ROCK when it comes to the situation of “their” church – and that the locale needn’t be far removed from the beltway.

G-07-19 * Reintroduction of the Schmidt Redistricting Ordinance - CM Price (unless I'm mistaken, there have been no changes made) Go Larry Go!!

Here come da judge, dudes … but please, have it your way.

----

It's Hawaiian shirt night ... and don't forget your stogie for the post-meeting Connor's Place rehash.

Read tonight's council agenda and attached paperwork here.

For heaven's sake, give 'em some candy ... and maybe they'll leave us alone.

Treats is just another way of spelling the name of the bakery café downtown, but tricks begin this evening as the city council convenes to formally ratify its factional redistricting intemperance:

New Albany mayoral event, council meeting on same night, by Eric Scott Campbell (News and Tribune).

As the headline makes clear, the long awaited mayoral quasi-debate (or “forum”) will run concurrently with the council meeting, and less than a hundred yards away in the public library.

Had anyone guessed that the council president would be engineering such a scheduling grandstand play as tonight’s, the candidates might have simplified matters by coming to the council meeting and utilizing public speaking time (for agenda items only, ma’am … and please, for once, keep it to five minutes).

The senior editor will miss them all, because I have a previously scheduled event at the Public House that involves the heartfelt appreciation of fine cask ale. The best of luck and patience to Bluegill and Lloyd, who’ll be splitting reporting duties in my absence. Look for their words in this space tomorrow.

----

Yes, the election is two weeks away, and I must confess that after a slow start, the campaign has become thoroughly entertaining. Amid the woozy and patently false testimonials of known potty-pol bloggers and the trognonymous blathering of spiteful transgendered faux professors, there have been rich textural subplots involving disputes over Randy Hubbard’s work ethic and disbelief as to Doug England’s campaign promises, and the requisite accusations, smears and recriminations.

Meanwhile, both party chairmen have taken turns lobbing combative Tribune letters, their shortened fuses smoldering, and with the express intent of gouging eyes and taking names.

It seems to me that there’s been something missing in all this, and not just Hubbardian caretaking substance.

----

As most NAC readers know, I am one of several plaintiffs in the lawsuit designed to provide for long overdue redistricting in the city of New Albany.

Although apologists of various stripes have sought to muddy the waters with fatuous irrelevancies, including yawners like the timing of the lawsuit and the “agenda” of the plaintiffs, and despite the sad fact that so few people hereabouts seem to grasp the meaning of words like “negotiation,” it has nonetheless been established as indisputable fact that the previous city council unceremoniously refused its obligation to redistrict, that the current council has waited until the last possible moment to act, and that the council’s leadership (sic) has serially misrepresented the situation.

Furthermore, it is clear that having chosen finally to act, the council now intends to honor its commitment to redistricting in a vacuous breach.

Apparently there is an unbridgeable chasm defined by animosity and pique rather than any real interest in achieving fair and impartial voting districts as mandated by the state of Indiana. Seemingly, it is more important to keep fiefdoms intact.

Speaking only for myself, and in the continuing and stunning absence of a display of genuine good faith on the part of an obstructionist council faction determined to pursue senseless brinksmanship, I’m forced to conclude that a trial date awaits us.

So be it. I might even buy a suit for that one. Of course, it’s not my personal choice, but obviously the council’s congenital wannabeens desire a twilight showdown.

----

As this story has unfolded, there has been ample discussion of redistricting methodology, much of it centering on the significance of precincts, which here as elsewhere are the basic building blocks of civil division.

In my opinion, whatever their original intent, precincts primarily have become useful only as partisan political constructions; consequently, they need not be considered sacred and inviolable when the task at hand is fair and impartial redistricting to ensure fair elections for all citizens, and not only those expressing a party preference.

Furthermore, I believe that the redistricting experience in Indiana as a whole supports my opinion, and that not unexpectedly, we in New Albany and Floyd County are among the final holdouts when it comes to implementing a revised consciousness with regard to the ultimate pliability of precincts.

Of course, it is likely that Floyd County’s two dominant political parties will continue to utilize precinct structures for their own organizational purposes, and that seems perfectly acceptable to me. As entities traditionally allergic to platforms, the least they can do is drill the foot soldiers to march forward for nothing.

But perhaps I’m wrong, and the two major political parties disagree with my assessment of the situation. Accordingly, one would imagine that by this point, the local party heads might have had something to say about fair and impartial redistricting as pertains to the presumably praiseworthy goal of fair elections.

You know, one man, one vote … and all that dry civics stuff.

Yet, to my knowledge, neither Randy Stumler (Democrat) nor Dave Matthews (Republican) have registered public support for fair redistricting and fair elections. The mayoral candidates have been silent, too.

Public attribution, anyone? I’m eager to be proven wrong. It would make educational courtside reading, don’t you think?

VICKI ANN DENSCHAK’S AGENDA IS ~ AUTO-EROTIC FALLACIOUSNESS?

And what makes it even funnier is that the conjoined and trognonymous character assassins evacuated Thursday’s council meeting long before the final tumultuous act, having apparently taken umbrage at the delayed stormwater board appointment vote.

The Gang of Four's semi-official propaganda agency is spewing bile faster than we can respond, so we'll begin with yesterday’s FOS posting: WANNABE'S AGENDA IS ~ $$$$$$$

Says the faux educator therein: “Again, the "wannabe's agenda" is purely about a $$$$$$ settlement!”

It’s a lie, but so it goes here in the open air museum.

Am I the only one who finds it humorous that women pretending to be a man – pretending to be a college professor, no less – find it expedient to accuse someone else of being a “wannabe?”

Plenty of venom, but very little appreciation for irony … and, alas, you’ll observe that they didn’t bother trying to refute a solitary aspect of the case against the council, against the council’s unwillingness to enforce the rule of law, and against the revulsion generated by Bill Schmidt’s “assassinate Caesar” plan.

Seeing as Larry Kochert already has conceded the merits of the plaintiffs’ argument, refutation isn’t really possible, is it?

At the very least, the coward of the county has (for once) performed a genuine public service by reprinting Jeff Gillenwater’s statement to the city council on redistricting, which I read aloud during the non-agenda public speaking portion of Thursday’s council meeting.

Gee thanks, guys. I put that time to good use drinking Progressive Pints. Next time, let me know what you’d like to reprint, and I can provide an electronic file. No sense in requiring your elderly informant to do all that typing … but come to think of it, all of that would require you to dispense with the perpetual disguise, and you don’t have sufficient courage for that sort of disclosure, do you?

Lameducklamebrainorjustplainlame: Council follies resume.

The Tribune previews tonight’s city council meeting.

NEW ALBANY: Light night for council Monday?, by Eric Scott Campbell.

The final votes on a $3 million slate of appropriations are scheduled for the New Albany City Council’s meeting Monday night.

Most of the items had been approved by resolution before their official allocation at the May 17 meeting. The exception is a $400,000 disbursement from the city’s Caesars Indiana casino revenue share.

The agenda’s only new bill would allow a medical office at Ellen Court and Green Valley Road.

Seeing as development projects near Ellen Court generally provide the best grandstanding opportunities for lame duck 2nd councilman Bill Schmidt, we look for him to vote “no” early and often, or possibly to opt for self-immolation as a preferred development strategy.

Council watchers should note that while its Gang of Four's congenital obstructionist bloc was cut in half after the most recent primary election, 14 grueling meetings remain before the changing of the guard in January. Whatever configuration a future council has, it's difficult to imagine it being worst.

However, this is New Albany.

Expect frequent and insanely improbable exhortations of engineering, drainage and reconstructive surgery expertise by Bazooka Joe U. grad Dan Coffey; equally numerous protests of governmental, societal, and economic impotence on the part of Steve “37% Solution” Price; and an inability (or most likely, an unwillingness) of the savagely and transparently biased council president, Larry Kochert, to run a fair council meeting.

In other words, more of the same senseless and self-defeating drivel … but to echo New Albany’s renowned academic poseur, there are only 211 days left until the shelf life of the Gang’s reign of error finally expires, and we can begin to write the history of how damaging their dysfunctional tenures have been for the future of the city.

Time to spit on our hands, hoist the black flag ... well, perhaps you recall the rest of H. L. Mencken's words.

The more rope he is provided, the bigger Larry’s slippery noose grows.

It’s a city council Monday, and our elected officials will be looking at not one … not two … but three controversial agenda items, each guaranteed to generate heaping portions of bile, to pack the tiny council chambers with concerned citizens, and to provide CM Dan Coffey with his cherished biweekly opportunity to preen and posture while chewing the scenery in a purely McCarthygasmic celebration of spite and envy.

Here’s a brief rundown of the fun on tap this evening.

G-06-21
An Ordinance to Amend Section 32-80 of the Code Of Ordinances: The New Albany Fire Department Candidate Selection Act
(Blevins 1)

When last we visited the council, its newly elected president had somewhat ineptly dithered until the very last moment to change the meeting agenda, excluding G-06-21 from consideration, and compounding his problems by preventing discussion of the matter -- even though a large body of people who had not been informed of the sudden change sat earnestly in attendance.

See: CM Kochert’s petard: Self-hoisting, no waiting.

Tonight CM Kochert returns for an encore, and having given his random procedural wheel yet another mighty heave, a spanking new policy has gurgled forth: Henceforth, if one cares to sit through an entire meeting’s worth of foreplay, which customarily includes ample examples of conjoined councilmen pontification and oppositionist blather, then – and only then – Slippery Larry will permit the staging of “New Albany Idol” with his new “MISCELLANEOUS COMMUNICATIONS: (public comments on non-agenda items)” design feature.

Seeing as both the NA Confidential and Volunteer Hoosier blogs first raised this notion of an expansion of citizen participation back in spring, 2005 (coincidentally, about the same time as the council began discussing the topic of firefighter hiring), we heartily endorse CM Kochert’s decision, and hope to be reading the telephone book to captive council persons at midnight.

Unfortunately, all of the preceding instances of damage control have been made necessary by executive bumbling that itself bears no direct connection to the firefighter hiring ordinance.

G-07-02
An Ordinance to Prohibiting Smoking in Specified Areas
Crump 1

The president’s ham-fisted pawprints are all over this one, too, even if his elevation to parliamentary kingpin has made it necessary to hand the brief to CW Bev Crump.

Given the smoking ordinance’s current semi-legible condition as a declamatory mishmash, large portions of which have been cribbed and crudely Kochertized from a template at the Americans for Non-Smokers’ Rights’ website (including references to a “city manager” and “county administrator”), obviously it is destined for considerable revamping and fine-tuning in committee, and will be returning with zombie-like regularity to foment community unrest well into the coming year.

One thing is clear: If the premises of the anti-smoking bloc are correct, and "there is no safe level of exposure to secondhand smoke," then there should be absolutely no exceptions. If incorrect, there should be no ordinance. Gradualism and exceptions are meaningless; it should be all, or nothing at all.

View the ordinance here as a .pdf file, beginning circa page 27 and extending for at least 15 pages … imagine how long it will take for inveterate non-readers from West Endia to tackle … ask yourself whether a legal definition of a “bar” should correspond with that used by the regulating authorities in Indianapolis … and consider the likelihood of the Floyd County health department authorities being willing and able enforce a city ordinance without city money being allocated for enforcement by a council generally unwilling to enforce ordinances that already exist. Ask Larry Kochert this question: Why this, and why now?

And see: Emperor Kochert’s newly progressive anti-smoking clothes -- and their utterly striking invisibility and CM Kochert's council legacy? One clue: It won't be a smoking ordinance.

Z-07-01
Ordinance Amending the Code of Ordinances New Albany, Indiana, Title XV, Chapter 156 (Docket P-12-06: Pat & Pam Kelly – Summit Springs Development)
Crump 1

Discussion of this, the latest in a series of divisive green field development projects, is my not-so-dark-horse choice to prompt a shouting match, either between citizens, council members, or both.

In essence, local zoning authorities use existing sets of criteria to rate such projects, which pass to the council for final approval, and are considered by the council using entirely different sets of criteria (read: political and electoral). The predictable result is a wide divergence of philosophical intent, and a striking absence of contextual continuity from one debate to the next.

With open space at an ever-increasing premium within the city limits of New Albany, but numerous adjacent tracts available for redevelopment and the type of adaptive reuse that we advocate here on a weekly basis, it continues to be frustrating that the square-pegged development logic of the “limitless” exurb so often is forcibly jammed into what are urban holes of decidedly different shape and ideal usage.

Unfortunately, a big part of the problem is the community’s inability – perhaps its unwillingness – to unify for the pursuit and maintenance of common development goals. To reframe our zoning standards according to a futuristic perspective, and to step up enforcement of standards already determined, is to set goals that are consistent with a principled recognition of changing circumstances, and to plan how these bars can be cleared for overall betterment.

As with so many other issues, I’m entirely unsure how we get past the enmity of generations and eliminate the personal animus that tends to improperly provide the backdrop to most of the council’s zoning decisions. It is clear that a working compromise between certain development mentalities structured to transform corn fields into asphalt, and those addressing the city’s pressing need to meet the demands of a far different – not better, not worse, just different – target market for an urban experience downtown, must be achieved … and soon.

Like so many previous proposals that have come before the council for consideration, it is likely that the Summit Springs project will be subject to the spasmodic paradigms of the body’s ward-heeling faction, and that it will be approved or rejected in the lamentable absence of a genuine community debate over developmental standards. Where the coin will drop is anyone’s guess, as it always is with this group.

----

In a final bow to the surreal, we note the presence on tonight’s agenda of CM Bill Schmidt’s much belated request for funding to restore the viability of the Unsafe Building Fund, New Albany’s dereliction removal arm.

To recap, the UBF has been in deficit (not “deficient,” as some councilman persistently and incorrectly allege) since the current body took office, with CM Schmidt perennially content to permit the non-functional and unfunded entity to be used as a politically-motivated bludgeon against a mayor he despises -- until the bluff finally was called in January by the Building Commission president, who publicly asked for the council to revitalize the UBF.

Now, if the stars align, we’ll be able to demolish a few unsafe structures, although there’ll still be insufficient political will to enforce those building standards that might have prevented dilapidation in the first place -- and, true to form, the Schmidt coup d'geriatrique has done little if anything to redress this particular imbalance.

Will Blair Affordable Homes protest this unprecedented deprivation of its right, as provided by New Albany’s landmark Slumlord Protection Act, to quickly flip properties to aspiring, ahem, rental property managers and unsuspecting non-profits?

We hear that civil rights lawsuit coming. Until then, bring a magazine, knitting or some very strong drugs. It’s going to be a long, cool one.