Video Jeff: We hired a study, not an engineer named Speck, 'cuz we want to be, uh, "a great place to be safe" -- and there'll be announcements soon, so WATER PARK.

On Friday, we endured the pure verbal pain of the Genius of the Flood Plain, especially this amazing head-scratcher.

#Gahansafe: In which it is revealed that quality of life is experience of living.

"We started down the road of talking about quality of life, but what we're really talking about, uh, is the quality of ... of ... of the experience of living in New Albany."

Winston Churchill he ain't, but let's look a bit more closely at Jeff Gahan's street grid remarks, beginning at the 2:05 mark of his monthly propaganda video: New Albany Now January 2016.

“The residential experience is really important. Those folks that want to live downtown and walk downtown and feel safe, you’ll see us begin to make those changes to make New Albany, again, a great place to be safe and to walk and more pedestrian friendly. You’ll also see, uh, some opportunities for bike, bicycling downtown that you haven’t seen before, so it’ll be more bike lanes. We’ve been talking about a conversion from one way to two-way streets – hired a, a study to kind of give us some recommendations on what we should do with the one way and two way streets. I expect we’ll that have some announcements soon on some changes that we’ll be making on the grid system.”

Is your two-way confidence inspired yet?

Those among us who walk understand that Team Gahan does nothing on a daily basis to indicate any comprehension of urban walkability, although at some point, he'll snap his fingers, pull a few design component s out of context, spend too much on builders so as to guarantee a fresh round of campaign donations, erect a flaccid plaque, slap an anchor seal on it, and declare heroic victory -- whether any of the fundamental conditions necessary for genuine success change, or not.

It's what happens when the imaginary world of Walt Disney collides with our nation's C-minus (or worse) student "leaders."

Speck's plan is entirely doomed, isn't it? Recall that far from providing a few stray recommendations, it offered a comprehensive, inter-connected playbook. What are the odds that Warren Nash hasn't read it all the way through, a full year after publication?

As the late Glenn Frey once noted, you can't hide those lying eyes -- even behind mangled syntax.