Tuesday, August 23, 2016

A new buzz phrase enters City Hall's bunker-speak: "Downtown Grid Modernization Project." We believe it's a synonym for "non-existent."

Shane's getting two vocabulary words this week.

Kremlinology: The art of observing, deducing and guessing what is really happening within a secretive organization. (So called from the Kremlin, headquarters of the top government leaders in the Communist era Soviet Union.)

And so it is that in New Albany, we must resort to Bunkerology, minutely examining the nuance and wording of press releases in an effort to fathom the gist of nods and winks being exchanged between the denizens of the Down Low Bunker.

Unexpectedly and after a long silence, City Hall spoke twice today. Our crack team of gin drinkers immediately spotted a mysterious phrase common to each press release.

The first (underlined) isn't capitalized.

City Receives $1 Million Grant For Road Improvements

 ... The grant, totaling $1 million, will go towards improving street infrastructure within the city of New Albany. Three projects were submitted by the City of New Albany for consideration in the Community Crossings program: the city-wide paving project, the full reconstruction of Bono Road, and the downtown grid modernization project.

“We are thrilled to receive these funds that will help us continue to improve our infrastructure throughout the city,” stated Mayor Jeff Gahan.

But the second is.

City Works to Minimize Morning Commute Traffic Congestion During Construction

 ... “These traffic congestion issues are the product of many factors, including the interchange re-construction and traffic accidents. We are doing our best to ensure that we are reviewing all traffic patterns and how we can best accommodate them during these construction periods. Long-term, we hope that these issues will be mitigated by our Downtown Grid Modernization Project,” stated Mayor Jeff Gahan.

Of course, we quickly surfed to the city's site and searched this hitherto unknown term.

Foiled again by the Eastridge Encryptor. Perhaps if we subpoenaed the minutes of the East Spring Street Neighborhood Association ...

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